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The Strykeinator
The machines rolled through the cities like a swarm of bees descending on their next victim
Within minutes the cities were gone. Just gone. Reduced to ashes and dust
There were survivors - here, there, left to rot in the rubble of the once great sky scrapers
One man managed to turn things around, taught them to fight back, stand up, spam their way to victory
That man was Shaneo, battle hardened and forged in the heat of newbie bashing. His constant spamming turned the tide of the war, and soon the machines were on the run, unable to cope with the amount of pointless posts
The machines devised a way of stopping the uprising before it ever started, by going back and eliminating their leader before he even realised his destiny
They weren't to send a vast army or a fancy new weapon - but one machine. One machine with a hatred of newbies, spamming and high post counts with low word counts.
Sent back to 2002 to dispatch of Shaneo, he will carry out his mission - showing no mercy, no remorse and no pity. He is the ultimate newbie basher. He is the Strykeinator...
2002
*A dark alley, where AfroJoe, Kid Rock and Spanker are sat on a wall, having a laugh*
*A huge ball of electricity appears and out of steps Stryke, totally naked. He heads towards the frightened group*
Stryke - I need your log in name, your IP and your email address
Kid Rock - Stuff you!
*Stryke breaks Kid Rock's neck, he slumps to the ground and folds up like an accordion*
Stryke - Tell me where Shaneo is and I won't have to hurt you too
Spanker - Please don't hurt me... hurt him!
Stryke - You're not deserving of the title "regular" I will strike you down with great vengeance and furious anger!
AfroJoe - You know you're not very frightening while you're standing there butt naked, and that Welsh accent has to go
*Stryke punches AfroJoe, who flies backwards into some bins*
Stryke - Tell me what I want to know and I'll let you live
Spanker - OK, OK, he has a paper round, you'll see him on this street at 8am tomorrow morning
Stryke - Thank you for your co-operation
*He picks up Spanker with one hand, and draws back his fist*
Spanker - But you said you'd let me live!
Stryke - I lied
*Shot of the wall behind Spanker, which gets a new coat of red paint*
*Next day*
*Stryke walks into a shop*
Stryke - Uzi 9mm, 12 gauge shotgun, desert eagle with laser sighting, Colt M16, the berretta, minigun and a rocket launcher
Shop Assistant - Now you see, here's the problem... This is Britain, um, we don't have any of that
Stryke - What do you have?
Shop Assistant - Well we have some rather nasty air guns... This little baby can pierce paper at point blank range. And this here, this is a Swiss army knife, you can open bottles with this, and look, it has scissors too! So what will it be?
Stryke - All
Shop Assistant - Okey dokey, I'm gonna need some ID
*As he is speaking, Stryke takes one of the airguns and loads it*
Shop Assistant - You can't do that
Stryke - Wrong
*Stryke shoots him*
Shop Assistant - Ow! That really stings! OK, OK, take them! Oh, and you may want to put some clothes on too
*Shaneo is on his paper round, riding a bike*
*Stryke is sat on a Harley Davison, revving the engine, kitted out in a leather jacket, boots and shades. He stares at Shaneo*
*Stryke's viewpoint - everything is red and there are numbers flashing everywhere. A picture of Shaneo appears in the corner*
"Target acquired - get that spammer!"
*Stryke sets off on his bike after Shaneo*
Shaneo - What the? Hey, stop following me
*Stryke nudges the back of Shaneo's mountain bike with his huge tire*
Shaneo - Oi, I'm still paying for this thing! Get away!
*Stryke pulls a dart gun, and fires at Shaneo, the dart hits him in the forehead as he turns around*
Shaneo - Hey! Urgh, you licked it to make it stick! Get away!
*Shaneo starts peddling faster, but Stryke keeps banging into him*
*Suddenly someone jumps Stryke from the side, dragging him off the bike. Shaneo stops and turns around to see the two men struggling. After taking a beating from Stryke, the guy runs for Shaneo, jumps on the back of Shaneo's bike and pedals off*
MoJoJoJo - I'm MoJoJoJo, assigned to protect you. You've been targeted for Strykeination
Shaneo - Is this about those library books? I swear, I lost them!
MoJoJoJo - It's a little more serious than that
Shaneo - What is it, Blockbusters?
MoJoJoJo - A few years from now SR is taken over by some of the evil regulars. They built huge war robots and take over the world. The US government tries to stop them but runs out of money due to Bush's gambling problem. After them there's no-one to stop them - we wasted all our money on shows like Pop Idol. Anyway, you and some newbies manage to spam so much you overload the SR main computer, effectively crippling them. Just before it blows, they send the Strykeinator back to your time to try and kill you before the war happens, so the spamming never occurs and they win. Some of the more sensible regulars managed to send me back too, to make sure you put an end to the evil regular's dominance of SR and the world
Shaneo - Wow...
MoJoJoJo - Did you get all that? I sure as heck aren't ain't gonna repeat it! So I've got to protect you, stop the Strykeinator and save the world... Man, what the heck was I thinking? This is suicide! The Strykeinator is the ultimate newbie basher - half machine, half posting restriction - very tough! Luckily because we're not like America, I don't think he has any real weapons, but if he gets his hands on you or me, he can rip us in two.
Shaneo - So wait, I'm a hero? Woo! My parents always said I'd never amount to anything! I get to save the world
MoJoJoJo - Yes but millions of people are about to die...
Shaneo - A hero... Yeah, I like the sound of that
MoJoJoJo - I gotta ditch this bike... you wouldn't happen to know how to drive would you?
*Shaneo shakes his head*
MoJoJoJo - Darn... maybe I wasn't the best choice of people to be sent back... Ah well, how hard can it be?
*Police station*
MoJoJoJo - Look, I'm telling you, I didn't see the old granny! It wasn't my fault!
Police officer #1 - Well you were in a stolen car, without a licence, and you managed to hit three lamp posts, a post box, a senior citizen and a mobile phone mast
MoJoJoJo - Actually it was four lamp posts... But hey, who's counting? Anyway, you have to let me go, the Strykeinator will find us soon!
Police officer #2 - Is this one of those deals where you say something, we think you're insane and ignore you, but you were actually telling the truth and we all end up dead?
MoJoJoJo - Pretty much, yeah
Police officer #2 - He's crazy, let's lock him up
*Front desk. Stryke walks up to the officer*
Stryke - I'm a robot from the future sent to kill Shaneo, could I see him please?
Police woman - Sorry, no visitors, come back tomorrow
Stryke - I'll be back
Police woman - Well, yeah, I just told you to do that
*Stryke smashes his Harley into the police station and walks through the corridors*
Police officer #1 - What was that?
Police officer #2 - I'm sure it's just a robot from the future sent to kill Shaneo, nothing to worry about
Police officer #1 - Oh... you want some coffee?
*A police man walks out a door and into Stryke, who shoots him*
Police man - Aw, you got me all wet! You know they should ban those super soakers...
Stryke - Where's Shaneo?
Police man - Oh, you're the robot from the future sent to kill him are you? Second door on the left
*Shaneo is in a room, the doorknob turns, and the door opens*
*Shaneo jumps out from behind the desk with a baseball bat and beats the person about the head with it*
Shaneo - Die, Strykeinator! Die!
MoJoJoJo - Ow, you little s-... Gimme that. Come on, let's get outta here
*They run through the corridors, where police men and women are complaining*
Police man - Man, look what he did to my shirt, he put dye in the water!
*Stryke sees them, and follows*
MoJoJoJo - OK, we'll take the car that looks the slowest... Ah, this old pickup truck will do. Oh, the keys are inside too. That was nice of the owner
Shaneo - Go! Go! Go!
*They pull away and Stryke jumps onto the nearest vehicle - a tricycle*
Shaneo - He's gaining on us! Go faster!
MoJoJoJo - This is the top speed... oh, wait, sorry, wrong gear - my bad
*They start getting ahead of Stryke, who pulls out a pellet gun. He starts shooting*
MoJoJoJo - Oh, the owner is gonna be mad when he sees this... Look, he's put a dent in the paint!
Shaneo - What's he doing?
MoJoJoJo - Oh no! WATER BOMBS!
*Stryke starts throwing water bombs at them from his trike*
MoJoJoJo - Wind up your windows, quick! Aw man, he got water on the leather seats! The owner is gonna FREAK!
*Stryke throws one in front of the car, and they start skidding as they go over the puddle*
MoJoJoJo - Man, what I wouldn't give for power steering
Shaneo - Turn into the slide... No, against it! No, wait, speed up, that'll work
MoJoJoJo - Stop side seat driving, I know what I'm doing
Shaneo - Hey, I was the one who figured out how to start the ignition
MoJoJoJo - You're not helping!
*The car turns over and smashes, grinding along the road. Stryke crashes into it, and falls off his trike*
*MoJoJoJo and Shaneo crawl out*
Shaneo - Man, the owner isn't gonna be happy with this
MoJoJoJo - Meh, nothing a lick of paint won't fix... Hey, look, that huge 18 wheeler is about to hit Stryke
*The lorry smashes into Stryke who is lying in the road. There is a huge clashing sound and screeching metal on metal*
Driver - What was that?
Friend - Probably just a rabbit
*Stryke gets up, and starts limping towards Shaneo and MoJoJoJo*
MoJoJoJo - Oh, silly me, I had these all along
*He throws a grenade at Stryke which blows up. He drops down in the flames and collapses*
Shaneo - Whoopee! We did it!
MoJoJoJo - We? Come on, let's go, I know the betting results for the next few years before the war, we can get rich
*Stryke, now a metal skeleton gets out of the flames and starts limping towards them again*
Shaneo - Oh no! We're gonna die! Argh!
MoJoJoJo - Relax
*He walks up to Stryke and pushes the big red button on his chest which says "Off" - Stryke shakes a bit, then collapses on the floor*
MoJoJoJo - OK, let's get down to the bookies!
The End
The machines rolled through the cities like a swarm of bees descending on their next victim
Within minutes the cities were gone. Just gone. Reduced to ashes and dust
There were survivors - here, there, left to rot in the rubble of the once great sky scrapers
One man managed to turn things around, taught them to fight back, stand up, spam their way to victory
That man was Shaneo, battle hardened and forged in the heat of newbie bashing. His constant spamming turned the tide of the war, and soon the machines were on the run, unable to cope with the amount of pointless posts
The machines devised a way of stopping the uprising before it ever started, by going back and eliminating their leader before he even realised his destiny
They weren't to send a vast army or a fancy new weapon - but one machine. One machine with a hatred of newbies, spamming and high post counts with low word counts.
Sent back to 2002 to dispatch of Shaneo, he will carry out his mission - showing no mercy, no remorse and no pity. He is the ultimate newbie basher. He is the Strykeinator...
2002
*A dark alley, where AfroJoe, Kid Rock and Spanker are sat on a wall, having a laugh*
*A huge ball of electricity appears and out of steps Stryke, totally naked. He heads towards the frightened group*
Stryke - I need your log in name, your IP and your email address
Kid Rock - Stuff you!
*Stryke breaks Kid Rock's neck, he slumps to the ground and folds up like an accordion*
Stryke - Tell me where Shaneo is and I won't have to hurt you too
Spanker - Please don't hurt me... hurt him!
Stryke - You're not deserving of the title "regular" I will strike you down with great vengeance and furious anger!
AfroJoe - You know you're not very frightening while you're standing there butt naked, and that Welsh accent has to go
*Stryke punches AfroJoe, who flies backwards into some bins*
Stryke - Tell me what I want to know and I'll let you live
Spanker - OK, OK, he has a paper round, you'll see him on this street at 8am tomorrow morning
Stryke - Thank you for your co-operation
*He picks up Spanker with one hand, and draws back his fist*
Spanker - But you said you'd let me live!
Stryke - I lied
*Shot of the wall behind Spanker, which gets a new coat of red paint*
*Next day*
*Stryke walks into a shop*
Stryke - Uzi 9mm, 12 gauge shotgun, desert eagle with laser sighting, Colt M16, the berretta, minigun and a rocket launcher
Shop Assistant - Now you see, here's the problem... This is Britain, um, we don't have any of that
Stryke - What do you have?
Shop Assistant - Well we have some rather nasty air guns... This little baby can pierce paper at point blank range. And this here, this is a Swiss army knife, you can open bottles with this, and look, it has scissors too! So what will it be?
Stryke - All
Shop Assistant - Okey dokey, I'm gonna need some ID
*As he is speaking, Stryke takes one of the airguns and loads it*
Shop Assistant - You can't do that
Stryke - Wrong
*Stryke shoots him*
Shop Assistant - Ow! That really stings! OK, OK, take them! Oh, and you may want to put some clothes on too
*Shaneo is on his paper round, riding a bike*
*Stryke is sat on a Harley Davison, revving the engine, kitted out in a leather jacket, boots and shades. He stares at Shaneo*
*Stryke's viewpoint - everything is red and there are numbers flashing everywhere. A picture of Shaneo appears in the corner*
"Target acquired - get that spammer!"
*Stryke sets off on his bike after Shaneo*
Shaneo - What the? Hey, stop following me
*Stryke nudges the back of Shaneo's mountain bike with his huge tire*
Shaneo - Oi, I'm still paying for this thing! Get away!
*Stryke pulls a dart gun, and fires at Shaneo, the dart hits him in the forehead as he turns around*
Shaneo - Hey! Urgh, you licked it to make it stick! Get away!
*Shaneo starts peddling faster, but Stryke keeps banging into him*
*Suddenly someone jumps Stryke from the side, dragging him off the bike. Shaneo stops and turns around to see the two men struggling. After taking a beating from Stryke, the guy runs for Shaneo, jumps on the back of Shaneo's bike and pedals off*
MoJoJoJo - I'm MoJoJoJo, assigned to protect you. You've been targeted for Strykeination
Shaneo - Is this about those library books? I swear, I lost them!
MoJoJoJo - It's a little more serious than that
Shaneo - What is it, Blockbusters?
MoJoJoJo - A few years from now SR is taken over by some of the evil regulars. They built huge war robots and take over the world. The US government tries to stop them but runs out of money due to Bush's gambling problem. After them there's no-one to stop them - we wasted all our money on shows like Pop Idol. Anyway, you and some newbies manage to spam so much you overload the SR main computer, effectively crippling them. Just before it blows, they send the Strykeinator back to your time to try and kill you before the war happens, so the spamming never occurs and they win. Some of the more sensible regulars managed to send me back too, to make sure you put an end to the evil regular's dominance of SR and the world
Shaneo - Wow...
MoJoJoJo - Did you get all that? I sure as heck aren't ain't gonna repeat it! So I've got to protect you, stop the Strykeinator and save the world... Man, what the heck was I thinking? This is suicide! The Strykeinator is the ultimate newbie basher - half machine, half posting restriction - very tough! Luckily because we're not like America, I don't think he has any real weapons, but if he gets his hands on you or me, he can rip us in two.
Shaneo - So wait, I'm a hero? Woo! My parents always said I'd never amount to anything! I get to save the world
MoJoJoJo - Yes but millions of people are about to die...
Shaneo - A hero... Yeah, I like the sound of that
MoJoJoJo - I gotta ditch this bike... you wouldn't happen to know how to drive would you?
*Shaneo shakes his head*
MoJoJoJo - Darn... maybe I wasn't the best choice of people to be sent back... Ah well, how hard can it be?
*Police station*
MoJoJoJo - Look, I'm telling you, I didn't see the old granny! It wasn't my fault!
Police officer #1 - Well you were in a stolen car, without a licence, and you managed to hit three lamp posts, a post box, a senior citizen and a mobile phone mast
MoJoJoJo - Actually it was four lamp posts... But hey, who's counting? Anyway, you have to let me go, the Strykeinator will find us soon!
Police officer #2 - Is this one of those deals where you say something, we think you're insane and ignore you, but you were actually telling the truth and we all end up dead?
MoJoJoJo - Pretty much, yeah
Police officer #2 - He's crazy, let's lock him up
*Front desk. Stryke walks up to the officer*
Stryke - I'm a robot from the future sent to kill Shaneo, could I see him please?
Police woman - Sorry, no visitors, come back tomorrow
Stryke - I'll be back
Police woman - Well, yeah, I just told you to do that
*Stryke smashes his Harley into the police station and walks through the corridors*
Police officer #1 - What was that?
Police officer #2 - I'm sure it's just a robot from the future sent to kill Shaneo, nothing to worry about
Police officer #1 - Oh... you want some coffee?
*A police man walks out a door and into Stryke, who shoots him*
Police man - Aw, you got me all wet! You know they should ban those super soakers...
Stryke - Where's Shaneo?
Police man - Oh, you're the robot from the future sent to kill him are you? Second door on the left
*Shaneo is in a room, the doorknob turns, and the door opens*
*Shaneo jumps out from behind the desk with a baseball bat and beats the person about the head with it*
Shaneo - Die, Strykeinator! Die!
MoJoJoJo - Ow, you little s-... Gimme that. Come on, let's get outta here
*They run through the corridors, where police men and women are complaining*
Police man - Man, look what he did to my shirt, he put dye in the water!
*Stryke sees them, and follows*
MoJoJoJo - OK, we'll take the car that looks the slowest... Ah, this old pickup truck will do. Oh, the keys are inside too. That was nice of the owner
Shaneo - Go! Go! Go!
*They pull away and Stryke jumps onto the nearest vehicle - a tricycle*
Shaneo - He's gaining on us! Go faster!
MoJoJoJo - This is the top speed... oh, wait, sorry, wrong gear - my bad
*They start getting ahead of Stryke, who pulls out a pellet gun. He starts shooting*
MoJoJoJo - Oh, the owner is gonna be mad when he sees this... Look, he's put a dent in the paint!
Shaneo - What's he doing?
MoJoJoJo - Oh no! WATER BOMBS!
*Stryke starts throwing water bombs at them from his trike*
MoJoJoJo - Wind up your windows, quick! Aw man, he got water on the leather seats! The owner is gonna FREAK!
*Stryke throws one in front of the car, and they start skidding as they go over the puddle*
MoJoJoJo - Man, what I wouldn't give for power steering
Shaneo - Turn into the slide... No, against it! No, wait, speed up, that'll work
MoJoJoJo - Stop side seat driving, I know what I'm doing
Shaneo - Hey, I was the one who figured out how to start the ignition
MoJoJoJo - You're not helping!
*The car turns over and smashes, grinding along the road. Stryke crashes into it, and falls off his trike*
*MoJoJoJo and Shaneo crawl out*
Shaneo - Man, the owner isn't gonna be happy with this
MoJoJoJo - Meh, nothing a lick of paint won't fix... Hey, look, that huge 18 wheeler is about to hit Stryke
*The lorry smashes into Stryke who is lying in the road. There is a huge clashing sound and screeching metal on metal*
Driver - What was that?
Friend - Probably just a rabbit
*Stryke gets up, and starts limping towards Shaneo and MoJoJoJo*
MoJoJoJo - Oh, silly me, I had these all along
*He throws a grenade at Stryke which blows up. He drops down in the flames and collapses*
Shaneo - Whoopee! We did it!
MoJoJoJo - We? Come on, let's go, I know the betting results for the next few years before the war, we can get rich
*Stryke, now a metal skeleton gets out of the flames and starts limping towards them again*
Shaneo - Oh no! We're gonna die! Argh!
MoJoJoJo - Relax
*He walks up to Stryke and pushes the big red button on his chest which says "Off" - Stryke shakes a bit, then collapses on the floor*
MoJoJoJo - OK, let's get down to the bookies!
The End
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Rakuga wrote:
No.. I'm the one who DID marry his PS2. I divorced the N64 :/
---------
Ah, so that was YOU, was it? I had a feeling only someone as sick as you could do that ;)
No.. I'm the one who DID marry his PS2. I divorced the N64 :/
---------
Ah, so that was YOU, was it? I had a feeling only someone as sick as you could do that ;)
MoJoJoJo wrote:
> allardini wrote:
> Rakuga wrote:
> I love newbies. I want to marry
> one.
You wanna marry most
> things.
----------
Yeah, he was the guy
> who tried to marry his PS2
No.. I'm the one who DID marry his PS2. I divorced the N64 :/
> allardini wrote:
> Rakuga wrote:
> I love newbies. I want to marry
> one.
You wanna marry most
> things.
----------
Yeah, he was the guy
> who tried to marry his PS2
No.. I'm the one who DID marry his PS2. I divorced the N64 :/
allardini wrote:
> Rakuga wrote:
> I love newbies. I want to marry one.
You wanna marry most
> things.
----------
Yeah, he was the guy who tried to marry his PS2
> Rakuga wrote:
> I love newbies. I want to marry one.
You wanna marry most
> things.
----------
Yeah, he was the guy who tried to marry his PS2
Rakuga wrote:
> I love newbies. I want to marry one.
You wanna marry most things.
> I love newbies. I want to marry one.
You wanna marry most things.
Badgerman wrote:
> I before E, except after C :D
----------
Excuse me?
> I before E, except after C :D
----------
Excuse me?
I before E, except after C :D
Microchips wrote:
Stryke naked? Scares me to think about thinking about it.
-----------
Indeed, I heard Shaneo is still in therapy
Stryke naked? Scares me to think about thinking about it.
-----------
Indeed, I heard Shaneo is still in therapy
Hehe. Good post mojojojo. Stryke naked? Scares me to think about thinking about it.
Stryke wrote:
> I would have thought you'd be used to seeing blokes naked...I thought you
> couldn't say no?
----------
*Jerry Springer style crowd whooping*
Don't go there girlfriend!
> I would have thought you'd be used to seeing blokes naked...I thought you
> couldn't say no?
----------
*Jerry Springer style crowd whooping*
Don't go there girlfriend!
I would have thought you'd be used to seeing blokes naked...I thought you couldn't say no?
Page: