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"*Newsflash* Nintendo face fresh allegations"

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Mon 04/11/02 at 13:15
Regular
Posts: 787
Stuck away in a rarely visited place far far away( also known as FOG Prime), only a few heard the shocking developments at Nintendo HQ. Read on...

Taken from somewhere.com
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

This was just announced on none of the major news sites...

"In the last few hours, after Nintendo's Christmas game release was formally announced, the Competition Commission, days after fining Nintendo 146m euros (£92.1m) for trying to rig the game market prices between 1991 and 1998, are investigating fresh allegations concerning the Kyoto-based company.

It has come to our attention that after failing to control the market by taking an illegal control of prices, Nintendo are now controlling the market in a new, more covert approach - by making their games so damn good people just have to buy them. A glance at the future release list reveals an arsenal of games the Competition Commission classifies as "AAA" - side effects include subjection to screenshots and snippets of news from the games inducing much frothing at the mouth of viewer and generally sending them into a frenzy, with actually playing of the game causing unhealty addiction and obsessive compulsions. Upcoming top rank "AAA" titles include Mario Party 4, Animal Crossing, Eternal Darkness, (not to mention whispered rumours of Mario Kart GC), Metroid Prime, and their trump card, the top dog, the big one, the weapon of market destruction, The Legend of Zelda: Winds of Takuto.

The Competition Commission have already started the investigative process with an inquest in Nintendo's current releases, believed to be a 'tasters' of things to come in the next year. Early 'tasters' such as Pikmin and Smash Bros are being very thoroughly searched at the moment (although the playtesting seems to be a little too extensive), but it is Nintendo's potential releases that are threatening wallets everywhere. Many rumours are flying around. Conspiracy theorists have questioned the sale of Rare, saying it was a smokescreen to divert attention away from these illegal doings. Mr Gates declined to comment, because he had, and I quote "important business to attend to in Luigi's Mansi... er, I mean... my mansion". Console commentators say the infiltration of social lifes has already begun, notably with the release of Nintendo's portly plumber Mario, in Super Mario Sunshine (even Des Lynam is currently being questioned for his involvement in the scandal.)

When we quizzed our reliable 'source' in Japan, the reputable Mr Lie Ing, he confirmed that the aforementioned releases were so compellingly addictive they were bound to end the console wars. Fixing quality of games so they are unrelentingly playable is a serious offence in the eyes of parents, teachers, do-gooders and Mr. Gates, and if Nintendo are found guilty then they face another hefty fine, as well as potential prohibitive measures, such as being forced to develop Army Men games for the next 6-7 decades.

In order to avert disaster for other game companies, notably its two main rivals in the Yuletide season, Playstation 2 developers Sony and Xbox developers Microsoft, many different avenues are being explored in order to save the industry and solve a cashflow problems for parents, the most drastic of which is cancelling Christmas. The potential damage to wallets is devastating - even with Christmas coming up, the season of goodwill does not extend to handing out free games. With the Gamecube at a money-wrenching £130, there seems to be an overwhelming case against Nintendo - the Competition Commision are convinced that they are making this console 'war' unfair by releasing such brilliant titles - they haven't been released yet, but once they are, the impact on money supply and social life could be catastrophic. The investigation continues."

* * * * * * * *

What do you think of that, eh? My verdict? Nintendo - guilty as charged!
Mon 04/11/02 at 13:15
Regular
Posts: 5,630
Stuck away in a rarely visited place far far away( also known as FOG Prime), only a few heard the shocking developments at Nintendo HQ. Read on...

Taken from somewhere.com
* * * * * * * * * * * * *

This was just announced on none of the major news sites...

"In the last few hours, after Nintendo's Christmas game release was formally announced, the Competition Commission, days after fining Nintendo 146m euros (£92.1m) for trying to rig the game market prices between 1991 and 1998, are investigating fresh allegations concerning the Kyoto-based company.

It has come to our attention that after failing to control the market by taking an illegal control of prices, Nintendo are now controlling the market in a new, more covert approach - by making their games so damn good people just have to buy them. A glance at the future release list reveals an arsenal of games the Competition Commission classifies as "AAA" - side effects include subjection to screenshots and snippets of news from the games inducing much frothing at the mouth of viewer and generally sending them into a frenzy, with actually playing of the game causing unhealty addiction and obsessive compulsions. Upcoming top rank "AAA" titles include Mario Party 4, Animal Crossing, Eternal Darkness, (not to mention whispered rumours of Mario Kart GC), Metroid Prime, and their trump card, the top dog, the big one, the weapon of market destruction, The Legend of Zelda: Winds of Takuto.

The Competition Commission have already started the investigative process with an inquest in Nintendo's current releases, believed to be a 'tasters' of things to come in the next year. Early 'tasters' such as Pikmin and Smash Bros are being very thoroughly searched at the moment (although the playtesting seems to be a little too extensive), but it is Nintendo's potential releases that are threatening wallets everywhere. Many rumours are flying around. Conspiracy theorists have questioned the sale of Rare, saying it was a smokescreen to divert attention away from these illegal doings. Mr Gates declined to comment, because he had, and I quote "important business to attend to in Luigi's Mansi... er, I mean... my mansion". Console commentators say the infiltration of social lifes has already begun, notably with the release of Nintendo's portly plumber Mario, in Super Mario Sunshine (even Des Lynam is currently being questioned for his involvement in the scandal.)

When we quizzed our reliable 'source' in Japan, the reputable Mr Lie Ing, he confirmed that the aforementioned releases were so compellingly addictive they were bound to end the console wars. Fixing quality of games so they are unrelentingly playable is a serious offence in the eyes of parents, teachers, do-gooders and Mr. Gates, and if Nintendo are found guilty then they face another hefty fine, as well as potential prohibitive measures, such as being forced to develop Army Men games for the next 6-7 decades.

In order to avert disaster for other game companies, notably its two main rivals in the Yuletide season, Playstation 2 developers Sony and Xbox developers Microsoft, many different avenues are being explored in order to save the industry and solve a cashflow problems for parents, the most drastic of which is cancelling Christmas. The potential damage to wallets is devastating - even with Christmas coming up, the season of goodwill does not extend to handing out free games. With the Gamecube at a money-wrenching £130, there seems to be an overwhelming case against Nintendo - the Competition Commision are convinced that they are making this console 'war' unfair by releasing such brilliant titles - they haven't been released yet, but once they are, the impact on money supply and social life could be catastrophic. The investigation continues."

* * * * * * * *

What do you think of that, eh? My verdict? Nintendo - guilty as charged!
Mon 04/11/02 at 13:22
Regular
"An Evil Resident"
Posts: 933
lol nice post, Mr Lie Ing... love that :D
Mon 04/11/02 at 16:30
Regular
Posts: 11,038
hmmm, that was weird
Mon 04/11/02 at 16:53
Regular
"Grammatical Watchdo"
Posts: 1,166
Well this is nintys take on it (the real one, not the made up one, that was very good!)

From Nintendo.co.uk
30th October 2002 - The European Commission has today levied a fine on Nintendo Co., Ltd. of Japan and Nintendo of Europe.

The Commission has found that certain of Nintendo's distribution practices in Europe in the period up to 1998 did not comply with EU competition rules. In particular it has found that Nintendo restricted parallel trade within the EU.

The decision relates to an investigation process that ended more than two years ago. Since then, the decision has been delayed by internal Commission procedures.

Nintendo co-operated fully with the Commission's investigation and, following an internal review launched in late 1997, voluntarily provided much of the information relied on by the Commission in taking its decision.

Nintendo accepts the finding that, up to 1998, its distribution practices did not comply with EU competition rules. Nintendo has rectified the relevant aspects of its distribution in Europe and has instigated a thorough and far-reaching compliance programme that enables the free flow of product across Europe.

Nintendo has accounted for the decision in its previous planning, so that there will be no impact on its business and financial performance this financial year. However in view of the size of the fine, which Nintendo finds surprising Nintendo will lodge an appeal.
Mon 04/11/02 at 17:05
Regular
Posts: 11,038
....and that made no sense to me
i kow they fixed it or something but i still don't understand
Mon 04/11/02 at 18:25
Regular
"Jog on, sunshine"
Posts: 8,979
LOL! Excellent Russ, almost matches your Metal gear sainsburys thingy ages ago. :D
Tue 05/11/02 at 06:40
Regular
Posts: 5,630
maddmun wrote:
> ....and that made no sense to me
> i kow they fixed it or something but i still don't understand

*sighs*
Tue 05/11/02 at 10:46
Regular
"Long time no see!"
Posts: 8,351
Nintendo have been guilty of doing that for years!
I'll stand in trial as a witness if they need me too!!

Damn Nintendo and their "must-play" ways...!


Good one. :D
Tue 05/11/02 at 17:07
Regular
"I'm not Orgazmo"
Posts: 9,159
Good work dude.

Liked the post. Keep it up. :)
Tue 05/11/02 at 18:05
Regular
Posts: 11,875
Whats with all the praise?

He said it took this from a site..

Unless it's not real, or he owns it..err..

In which case, great post :D

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