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One thing to note, Hercules! is a female ... not in real life, in the story. Don't ask why I did it, but I did, oh and Rosalind is a female as well. Enjoy.
Big Brother!
Day 1 - DW admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Mystique. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Rosalind is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Goatboy later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.
2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. SHEEPY creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Hercules! hits him with a Bread Knife.
3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of The Leaning Tower of Pizza out of Spinach. After much persuasion by SHEEPY, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.
4 - Training for the The Leaning Tower of Pizza task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Goatboy, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat twit in the house, eats half the Spinach. Hercules! is furious.
5 - Today is the day when the The Leaning Tower of Pizza task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Goatboy farts and blows The Leaning Tower of Pizza over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Mystique cries.
6 - SHEEPY gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.
7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Mystique admits that she likes to be spanked on her behind with a Bread Knife. DW says he never wears condoms because they make his *you know what* sore and SHEEPY agrees. Rosalind goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual pillocks. Goatboy sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up SHEEPY.
8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. DW goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Hercules! and Mystique are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for DW.
9 - Hercules! and Mystique are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Rosalind sings them a song - Evergreen - to make them feel better.
10 - The public vote Mystique out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Mystique leaves.
11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Mystique's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Rosalind has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Hercules! is visibly depressed and is comforted by SHEEPY, who tries to touch her on her breasts.
12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of SHEEPY touching Hercules!'s breasts over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.
13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Goatboy refuses to run because his *you know what* hurts a bit.
14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Goatboy finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Hercules! calls Goatboy a lazy swine.
15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. DW tells everyone individually that he thinks Hercules! is a tramp. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Hercules! and SHEEPY are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for DW.
16 - The nominations are announced. Hercules! can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. SHEEPY is equally stunned and turns to Hercules! for comfort. Goatboy is distraught and confesses to Rosalind that he thinks he is in love with SHEEPY. Rosalind says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know
17 - The public vote SHEEPY out of the house. Hercules! says she is gutted and even gives SHEEPY a clipping of hair from her breasts to prove how much she cares. Goatboy is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. SHEEPY leaves.
18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Hercules! clipping the hair from her breasts. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.
19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Czechoslovakia in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.
20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Czechoslovakia sounds like but Goatboy says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose DW as the one who must complete the task.
21 - DW successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Czechoslovakia but also God Save The Queen, Evergreen and the theme tune to Pet Rescue. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.
22 - Nominations are due and DW tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Goatboy and Rosalind are nominated.
23 - Goatboy and Rosalind take their nominations well and sit down with DW and Hercules! to discuss why they voted for them. DW keeps quiet but Hercules! accuses Goatboy of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred git before bursting into tears.
24 - The public vote Rosalind out of the house and nobody really gives a damn. Rosalind leaves.
25 - DW becomes the first housemate to please himself sexually in the Big Brother House. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother psychologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of DW's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's desperate.
26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Hippopotamus dung using only a Bread Knife. DW is unsure but Goatboy is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.
27 - Completely out of the blue, Goatboy breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Hippopotamus incident from his childhood. Hercules! tries to persuade him to stay but DW sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Goatboy decides to leave.
28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Hippopotamus dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely drunk on some vegetable wine, made by Hercules! from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.
29 - Nominations are due for the final time. DW asks Hercules! to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly DW nominates Hercules! to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Hercules!.
30 - When the nomination is announced, Hercules! graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that DW is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. DW takes his £70,000 and runs away to Czechoslovakia. Nobody, including Hercules!, ever sees him again.
THE END
Big Brother!
Day 1 - DW admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Mystique. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Rosalind is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Goatboy later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.
2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. SHEEPY creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Hercules! hits him with a Bread Knife.
3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of The Leaning Tower of Pizza out of Spinach. After much persuasion by SHEEPY, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.
4 - Training for the The Leaning Tower of Pizza task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Goatboy, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat twit in the house, eats half the Spinach. Hercules! is furious.
5 - Today is the day when the The Leaning Tower of Pizza task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Goatboy farts and blows The Leaning Tower of Pizza over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Mystique cries.
6 - SHEEPY gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.
7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Mystique admits that she likes to be spanked on her behind with a Bread Knife. DW says he never wears condoms because they make his *you know what* sore and SHEEPY agrees. Rosalind goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual pillocks. Goatboy sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up SHEEPY.
8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. DW goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Hercules! and Mystique are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for DW.
9 - Hercules! and Mystique are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Rosalind sings them a song - Evergreen - to make them feel better.
10 - The public vote Mystique out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Mystique leaves.
11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Mystique's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Rosalind has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Hercules! is visibly depressed and is comforted by SHEEPY, who tries to touch her on her breasts.
12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of SHEEPY touching Hercules!'s breasts over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.
13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Goatboy refuses to run because his *you know what* hurts a bit.
14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Goatboy finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Hercules! calls Goatboy a lazy swine.
15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. DW tells everyone individually that he thinks Hercules! is a tramp. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Hercules! and SHEEPY are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for DW.
16 - The nominations are announced. Hercules! can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. SHEEPY is equally stunned and turns to Hercules! for comfort. Goatboy is distraught and confesses to Rosalind that he thinks he is in love with SHEEPY. Rosalind says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know
17 - The public vote SHEEPY out of the house. Hercules! says she is gutted and even gives SHEEPY a clipping of hair from her breasts to prove how much she cares. Goatboy is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. SHEEPY leaves.
18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Hercules! clipping the hair from her breasts. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.
19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Czechoslovakia in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.
20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Czechoslovakia sounds like but Goatboy says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose DW as the one who must complete the task.
21 - DW successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Czechoslovakia but also God Save The Queen, Evergreen and the theme tune to Pet Rescue. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.
22 - Nominations are due and DW tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Goatboy and Rosalind are nominated.
23 - Goatboy and Rosalind take their nominations well and sit down with DW and Hercules! to discuss why they voted for them. DW keeps quiet but Hercules! accuses Goatboy of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred git before bursting into tears.
24 - The public vote Rosalind out of the house and nobody really gives a damn. Rosalind leaves.
25 - DW becomes the first housemate to please himself sexually in the Big Brother House. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother psychologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of DW's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's desperate.
26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Hippopotamus dung using only a Bread Knife. DW is unsure but Goatboy is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.
27 - Completely out of the blue, Goatboy breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Hippopotamus incident from his childhood. Hercules! tries to persuade him to stay but DW sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Goatboy decides to leave.
28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Hippopotamus dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely drunk on some vegetable wine, made by Hercules! from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.
29 - Nominations are due for the final time. DW asks Hercules! to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly DW nominates Hercules! to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Hercules!.
30 - When the nomination is announced, Hercules! graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that DW is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. DW takes his £70,000 and runs away to Czechoslovakia. Nobody, including Hercules!, ever sees him again.
THE END
why am i n... must say its addictive, its addictive, its addictive, its addictive, its addictive, its addictive, its addictive, its addictive, its addictive, its addictive, its addictive, its addictive,
http://www.phi11ip.com/bigbrother.htm
I knew I had ripped them off before!
That was like the first thing ever on my site!
Look at the colour!
Wolley...
I knew I had ripped them off before!
That was like the first thing ever on my site!
Look at the colour!
Wolley...
Oy, SHEEPY, you can get off my boobs now.
Taa.
Taa.
Ah, I played this in Computing (IT, ICT, whatever you like ot call it) about a year ago when I should've been making some weird Spreadsheet things.
Aah, dc8p.com.
Aah, dc8p.com.
Dc8p.com... and don't you dare say that youdid this yourself again!
Firstly, yay, I won, and secondly, this is a rip off of my eight page SR Big Brother and my 7 page SR Big Brother V1.1e.
:c)
:c)
MoJoJoJo wrote:
> Everyone's seen these before, they take about two seconds to do. Shame
> on you for not giving credit to the site you used to make it
I haven't.
What's the link?
> Everyone's seen these before, they take about two seconds to do. Shame
> on you for not giving credit to the site you used to make it
I haven't.
What's the link?
Heh! BUSTED!
Everyone's seen these before, they take about two seconds to do. Shame on you for not giving credit to the site you used to make it
One thing to note, Hercules! is a female ... not in real life, in the story. Don't ask why I did it, but I did, oh and Rosalind is a female as well. Enjoy.
Big Brother!
Day 1 - DW admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Mystique. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Rosalind is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Goatboy later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.
2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. SHEEPY creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Hercules! hits him with a Bread Knife.
3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of The Leaning Tower of Pizza out of Spinach. After much persuasion by SHEEPY, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.
4 - Training for the The Leaning Tower of Pizza task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Goatboy, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat twit in the house, eats half the Spinach. Hercules! is furious.
5 - Today is the day when the The Leaning Tower of Pizza task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Goatboy farts and blows The Leaning Tower of Pizza over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Mystique cries.
6 - SHEEPY gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.
7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Mystique admits that she likes to be spanked on her behind with a Bread Knife. DW says he never wears condoms because they make his *you know what* sore and SHEEPY agrees. Rosalind goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual pillocks. Goatboy sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up SHEEPY.
8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. DW goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Hercules! and Mystique are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for DW.
9 - Hercules! and Mystique are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Rosalind sings them a song - Evergreen - to make them feel better.
10 - The public vote Mystique out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Mystique leaves.
11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Mystique's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Rosalind has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Hercules! is visibly depressed and is comforted by SHEEPY, who tries to touch her on her breasts.
12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of SHEEPY touching Hercules!'s breasts over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.
13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Goatboy refuses to run because his *you know what* hurts a bit.
14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Goatboy finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Hercules! calls Goatboy a lazy swine.
15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. DW tells everyone individually that he thinks Hercules! is a tramp. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Hercules! and SHEEPY are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for DW.
16 - The nominations are announced. Hercules! can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. SHEEPY is equally stunned and turns to Hercules! for comfort. Goatboy is distraught and confesses to Rosalind that he thinks he is in love with SHEEPY. Rosalind says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know
17 - The public vote SHEEPY out of the house. Hercules! says she is gutted and even gives SHEEPY a clipping of hair from her breasts to prove how much she cares. Goatboy is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. SHEEPY leaves.
18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Hercules! clipping the hair from her breasts. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.
19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Czechoslovakia in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.
20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Czechoslovakia sounds like but Goatboy says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose DW as the one who must complete the task.
21 - DW successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Czechoslovakia but also God Save The Queen, Evergreen and the theme tune to Pet Rescue. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.
22 - Nominations are due and DW tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Goatboy and Rosalind are nominated.
23 - Goatboy and Rosalind take their nominations well and sit down with DW and Hercules! to discuss why they voted for them. DW keeps quiet but Hercules! accuses Goatboy of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred git before bursting into tears.
24 - The public vote Rosalind out of the house and nobody really gives a damn. Rosalind leaves.
25 - DW becomes the first housemate to please himself sexually in the Big Brother House. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother psychologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of DW's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's desperate.
26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Hippopotamus dung using only a Bread Knife. DW is unsure but Goatboy is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.
27 - Completely out of the blue, Goatboy breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Hippopotamus incident from his childhood. Hercules! tries to persuade him to stay but DW sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Goatboy decides to leave.
28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Hippopotamus dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely drunk on some vegetable wine, made by Hercules! from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.
29 - Nominations are due for the final time. DW asks Hercules! to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly DW nominates Hercules! to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Hercules!.
30 - When the nomination is announced, Hercules! graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that DW is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. DW takes his £70,000 and runs away to Czechoslovakia. Nobody, including Hercules!, ever sees him again.
THE END
Big Brother!
Day 1 - DW admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Mystique. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Rosalind is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although Goatboy later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.
2 - The house sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. SHEEPY creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Hercules! hits him with a Bread Knife.
3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of The Leaning Tower of Pizza out of Spinach. After much persuasion by SHEEPY, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.
4 - Training for the The Leaning Tower of Pizza task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Goatboy, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat twit in the house, eats half the Spinach. Hercules! is furious.
5 - Today is the day when the The Leaning Tower of Pizza task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Goatboy farts and blows The Leaning Tower of Pizza over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Mystique cries.
6 - SHEEPY gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.
7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Mystique admits that she likes to be spanked on her behind with a Bread Knife. DW says he never wears condoms because they make his *you know what* sore and SHEEPY agrees. Rosalind goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual pillocks. Goatboy sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up SHEEPY.
8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. DW goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Hercules! and Mystique are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for DW.
9 - Hercules! and Mystique are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Rosalind sings them a song - Evergreen - to make them feel better.
10 - The public vote Mystique out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Mystique leaves.
11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Mystique's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's failed task. Rosalind has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Hercules! is visibly depressed and is comforted by SHEEPY, who tries to touch her on her breasts.
12 - The Big Brother pyschologist replays the footage of SHEEPY touching Hercules!'s breasts over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumferance of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.
13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Goatboy refuses to run because his *you know what* hurts a bit.
14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Goatboy finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. Hercules! calls Goatboy a lazy swine.
15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. DW tells everyone individually that he thinks Hercules! is a tramp. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his flat when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Hercules! and SHEEPY are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for DW.
16 - The nominations are announced. Hercules! can't believe she's been voted out two weeks in a row. SHEEPY is equally stunned and turns to Hercules! for comfort. Goatboy is distraught and confesses to Rosalind that he thinks he is in love with SHEEPY. Rosalind says she doesn't fancy any of the housemates because they're all just too heterosexual and she's a lesbian, you know
17 - The public vote SHEEPY out of the house. Hercules! says she is gutted and even gives SHEEPY a clipping of hair from her breasts to prove how much she cares. Goatboy is also devastated but keeps his hair to himself. SHEEPY leaves.
18 - The Big Brother psychologist shows repeated clips of Hercules! clipping the hair from her breasts. Apparently this is an important psychological incident. The public obviously agree as viewing figures soar.
19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Czechoslovakia in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.
20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Czechoslovakia sounds like but Goatboy says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose DW as the one who must complete the task.
21 - DW successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Czechoslovakia but also God Save The Queen, Evergreen and the theme tune to Pet Rescue. He is proclaimed as a hero, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.
22 - Nominations are due and DW tells everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Goatboy and Rosalind are nominated.
23 - Goatboy and Rosalind take their nominations well and sit down with DW and Hercules! to discuss why they voted for them. DW keeps quiet but Hercules! accuses Goatboy of being an arrogant, lazy, self-centred git before bursting into tears.
24 - The public vote Rosalind out of the house and nobody really gives a damn. Rosalind leaves.
25 - DW becomes the first housemate to please himself sexually in the Big Brother House. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother psychologist who proclaims that it gives us a true insight into the working of DW's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's desperate.
26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of Hippopotamus dung using only a Bread Knife. DW is unsure but Goatboy is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.
27 - Completely out of the blue, Goatboy breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the Hippopotamus incident from his childhood. Hercules! tries to persuade him to stay but DW sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Goatboy decides to leave.
28 - With only two housemates remaining, the Hippopotamus dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely drunk on some vegetable wine, made by Hercules! from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden.
29 - Nominations are due for the final time. DW asks Hercules! to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly DW nominates Hercules! to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Hercules!.
30 - When the nomination is announced, Hercules! graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that DW is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she also agrees to shag him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. DW takes his £70,000 and runs away to Czechoslovakia. Nobody, including Hercules!, ever sees him again.
THE END