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Hello, Jeremy “shrivelled hand” Beadle here. Since ITV dropped me from You’ve Been Framed and replaced me with a giant gurning heffer, I’ve been struggling to make ends meet. I’ve worked as a sales rep for a drain cleaning firm, a laxative cream tester, and a stand up comedian. Now I’ve even resorted to flogging crappy dvd players made by a company nobody’s heard of, bundled with 100 free crappy films nobody’s heard of in the back of the Sunday newspapers amongst all the adverts for stair lift/old people mobility scooters, “Shoes you’ll never wear out”, men’s leopard skin thongs and more unsavoury type things.
But after problematic years in the wilderness of unemployment, I’m back as an investigative journalist.
As a violent nation gets even more violent with the launch of the high selling video game Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, I’ve been hired by The Daily Mail to talk about the dangers of video games, and the various terrible effects they are having on the nation’s youth, and indeed the world of today.
Violence:
We live in a violent society, just the other day I was walking down a local street and saw 20 muggings, 8 murders and two drive-by shootings, but what’s worse is that the youth of today revel in violence whenever they turn on their video games machines. Titles like the Grand Theft Auto series, Resident Evil, Soldier of Fortune, Mortal Kombat, Doom, Army Men, Carmageddon, Mafia, Max Payne, Hooligans, Postal and BloodBath 4: Gut Ripper, all encourage the player to kill, maim and brutalise people, and cackle heartily whilst they do it.
All video games involve guns, killing, carnage and blood, and as a result, games are rotting the minds of the nations youth, like the fizzy drinks have rotted their teeth (see the many Daily Mail reports on this).
Many young children are being subliminally trained as killers on these electronic games, the countless high school shootings in the US are conclusive proof that. The guilty gunmen would admit to having unhealthy obsessions with certain violent video games, and they totally influenced by what they saw on screen. This problem is nothing to do with the slack gun laws, blasé attitude towards firearms, high percentage of gun-loving crazy rednecks and bad parenting in America, it’s all down to video games.
In a recent study conducted by The Daily Mail, 68% of all crime in the UK is committed by those influenced by video games, whether it’s muggings (stealing coins), shootings, car-jacking or jumping on people’s heads. In fact, other in depth studies carried out by The Daily Mail concluded that all major incidences of crime in the last twenty years could be attributed to video games in some way or another.
Before video games were invented, we lived in a peaceful society, where man was at peace with his fellow man and trips to the cinema didn’t cost an arm (albeit slightly shrivelled) and a leg, but now, video games have raised their ugly head and turned our pleasant utopia in a demon filled hellhole.
For example, within hours of the putrid Vice City being released, a post office was robbed by a young man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a car was stolen somewhere; conclusive proof of the violent and nefarious influence these games have I think.
The handle on the ‘Sony Gamecube’ system only increases the chances of a mad gamer who’s played too much Doom or Carmageddon hitting you over the head with it resulting in a severe headache, fracture, brain damage or even death.
Obesity:
Roughly 98% of Americans are now obese, of which 97% are grossly obese and are in constant need of industrial lifting machinery to move their fat ar$es out of their settees. The same fat thing is happening to the United Kingdom, and I’m afraid to say that the fault isn’t due to fast food, sweet treats, fried breakfasts, slothfulness and over eating, the problem lies with video games.
A fine example of video games leading to obesity is Rik Waller, a 30 stone pop star, who says, “I’ve been heavy all my life, and I’ve also been playing video games all my life”…a mere coincidence or something more sinister…
Players get addicted to video games and then don’t exercise; all they do is play games and eat lots of food.
Hand-Arm Vibration Syndrome & Nintendonitis:
Gamers risk more than virtual injury or brain damage when they play for prolonged periods, as now people have developed ‘hand-arm vibration syndrome’ and ‘Nintendonitis’ from the vibration feature on video game controllers. Newer game controls have this rumble feature, which vibrates in accordance with events on the screen, creating a more realistic effect. The extended use of vibrating game controls could put them at risk for the same injury experienced by operators of power tools like jackhammers or chainsaws, with damage to fingers or the palm.
I did some research of my own into the matter, and found that most children play video games for up to 22 hours a day. While I acknowledge that this exceeds the manufacturer's recommendations, it is a major problem. 70 percent of children now suffer from mild forms of HAVS, leading to many hot drinks being spilt, resulting in scalds or burns and ugly legal suits. Plus, with Nintendonitis on the rise, we will be deprived of a new generation of great concert pianists.
Death:
Yes, games are even responsible for roughly 1,800,000 deaths a year worldwide, many due to violent spats between players, strangulation of loved-ones with control pad wires or food, drink and sleep deprivation amongst hardcore gamers.
Whilst playing an online game called “Counter Strike”, a game that encourages the player to kill their opponents, a man in Thailand stabbed his real life opponent to death when he was beaten in the game. So next time you are playing evil killing games at an Internet café, watch out for the shifty oddball loner who may wish to fight dirty in real life if he loses at his precious game.
Then a 24-year-old South Korean man hit the headlines when he died after a marathon gaming and Internet session. The man, unemployed and of no fixed abode, had spent roughly 86 hours at the computer screen at his local internet café. Like Elvis, he died in the bathroom
There have been several other cases of this so called “Game Addiction Disorder”, where gamers get so engrossed in a game that they forget to eat or drink, so a glazed eyed zombie like state or even death is imminent. As video games become even more addictive I can see many millions more of these cases arising soon.
You can even download so called “game patches”, which according to a Daily Mail source, are similar to Nicotine patches, and are used to gradually wean gamers off gaming.
Handheld games machines like the “Gameboy” have caused many traffic accidents, as gamers are so addicted to video games that they drive cars whilst playing, or walk into the road, forgetting the Green Cross Code.
Mario:
Then we have the big video game mascot, Mario, a vile, greasy looking fat man with a gay handlebar moustache hanging around with his equally gay looking “brother” and seeing an obviously underage princess. Filthy, horrid man, and what’s worse, his games are brightly coloured and obviously aimed at children, meaning that even the young are exposed to this abomination.
Soon our once great nation will be turned into Mario loving obese deranged psychopaths with trembling hands and Nintendoitis fingers…though thankfully, if their fingers hurt it’ll be harder for them to fire real life guns and kill innocent people in cold blood!!
The Greeks were right when they banned video games. Games are evil.
Don’t play these wretched video games, read a book (the Jeremy Beadle auto-biography, entitled “I’m a big pranker” is out in time for Christmas, £9.99, available at all good retailers), paint a picture, write poetry or help out in an elderly persons home, you’ll be all the better for it.
Jeremy Beadle and The Daily Mail thank you, and wish you a pleasant (video game free) day.
Coming soon: ‘Technological Hysteria and How the Internet is Spreading Words of Evil Lizard Men’ with David Icke and The Daily Mail.
But after problematic years in the wilderness of unemployment, I’m back as an investigative journalist.
As a violent nation gets even more violent with the launch of the high selling video game Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, I’ve been hired by The Daily Mail to talk about the dangers of video games, and the various terrible effects they are having on the nation’s youth, and indeed the world of today.
Violence:
We live in a violent society, just the other day I was walking down a local street and saw 20 muggings, 8 murders and two drive-by shootings, but what’s worse is that the youth of today revel in violence whenever they turn on their video games machines. Titles like the Grand Theft Auto series, Resident Evil, Soldier of Fortune, Mortal Kombat, Doom, Army Men, Carmageddon, Mafia, Max Payne, Hooligans, Postal and BloodBath 4: Gut Ripper, all encourage the player to kill, maim and brutalise people, and cackle heartily whilst they do it.
All video games involve guns, killing, carnage and blood, and as a result, games are rotting the minds of the nations youth, like the fizzy drinks have rotted their teeth (see the many Daily Mail reports on this).
Many young children are being subliminally trained as killers on these electronic games, the countless high school shootings in the US are conclusive proof that. The guilty gunmen would admit to having unhealthy obsessions with certain violent video games, and they totally influenced by what they saw on screen. This problem is nothing to do with the slack gun laws, blasé attitude towards firearms, high percentage of gun-loving crazy rednecks and bad parenting in America, it’s all down to video games.
In a recent study conducted by The Daily Mail, 68% of all crime in the UK is committed by those influenced by video games, whether it’s muggings (stealing coins), shootings, car-jacking or jumping on people’s heads. In fact, other in depth studies carried out by The Daily Mail concluded that all major incidences of crime in the last twenty years could be attributed to video games in some way or another.
Before video games were invented, we lived in a peaceful society, where man was at peace with his fellow man and trips to the cinema didn’t cost an arm (albeit slightly shrivelled) and a leg, but now, video games have raised their ugly head and turned our pleasant utopia in a demon filled hellhole.
For example, within hours of the putrid Vice City being released, a post office was robbed by a young man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a car was stolen somewhere; conclusive proof of the violent and nefarious influence these games have I think.
The handle on the ‘Sony Gamecube’ system only increases the chances of a mad gamer who’s played too much Doom or Carmageddon hitting you over the head with it resulting in a severe headache, fracture, brain damage or even death.
Obesity:
Roughly 98% of Americans are now obese, of which 97% are grossly obese and are in constant need of industrial lifting machinery to move their fat ar$es out of their settees. The same fat thing is happening to the United Kingdom, and I’m afraid to say that the fault isn’t due to fast food, sweet treats, fried breakfasts, slothfulness and over eating, the problem lies with video games.
A fine example of video games leading to obesity is Rik Waller, a 30 stone pop star, who says, “I’ve been heavy all my life, and I’ve also been playing video games all my life”…a mere coincidence or something more sinister…
Players get addicted to video games and then don’t exercise; all they do is play games and eat lots of food.
Hand-Arm Vibration Syndrome & Nintendonitis:
Gamers risk more than virtual injury or brain damage when they play for prolonged periods, as now people have developed ‘hand-arm vibration syndrome’ and ‘Nintendonitis’ from the vibration feature on video game controllers. Newer game controls have this rumble feature, which vibrates in accordance with events on the screen, creating a more realistic effect. The extended use of vibrating game controls could put them at risk for the same injury experienced by operators of power tools like jackhammers or chainsaws, with damage to fingers or the palm.
I did some research of my own into the matter, and found that most children play video games for up to 22 hours a day. While I acknowledge that this exceeds the manufacturer's recommendations, it is a major problem. 70 percent of children now suffer from mild forms of HAVS, leading to many hot drinks being spilt, resulting in scalds or burns and ugly legal suits. Plus, with Nintendonitis on the rise, we will be deprived of a new generation of great concert pianists.
Death:
Yes, games are even responsible for roughly 1,800,000 deaths a year worldwide, many due to violent spats between players, strangulation of loved-ones with control pad wires or food, drink and sleep deprivation amongst hardcore gamers.
Whilst playing an online game called “Counter Strike”, a game that encourages the player to kill their opponents, a man in Thailand stabbed his real life opponent to death when he was beaten in the game. So next time you are playing evil killing games at an Internet café, watch out for the shifty oddball loner who may wish to fight dirty in real life if he loses at his precious game.
Then a 24-year-old South Korean man hit the headlines when he died after a marathon gaming and Internet session. The man, unemployed and of no fixed abode, had spent roughly 86 hours at the computer screen at his local internet café. Like Elvis, he died in the bathroom
There have been several other cases of this so called “Game Addiction Disorder”, where gamers get so engrossed in a game that they forget to eat or drink, so a glazed eyed zombie like state or even death is imminent. As video games become even more addictive I can see many millions more of these cases arising soon.
You can even download so called “game patches”, which according to a Daily Mail source, are similar to Nicotine patches, and are used to gradually wean gamers off gaming.
Handheld games machines like the “Gameboy” have caused many traffic accidents, as gamers are so addicted to video games that they drive cars whilst playing, or walk into the road, forgetting the Green Cross Code.
Mario:
Then we have the big video game mascot, Mario, a vile, greasy looking fat man with a gay handlebar moustache hanging around with his equally gay looking “brother” and seeing an obviously underage princess. Filthy, horrid man, and what’s worse, his games are brightly coloured and obviously aimed at children, meaning that even the young are exposed to this abomination.
Soon our once great nation will be turned into Mario loving obese deranged psychopaths with trembling hands and Nintendoitis fingers…though thankfully, if their fingers hurt it’ll be harder for them to fire real life guns and kill innocent people in cold blood!!
The Greeks were right when they banned video games. Games are evil.
Don’t play these wretched video games, read a book (the Jeremy Beadle auto-biography, entitled “I’m a big pranker” is out in time for Christmas, £9.99, available at all good retailers), paint a picture, write poetry or help out in an elderly persons home, you’ll be all the better for it.
Jeremy Beadle and The Daily Mail thank you, and wish you a pleasant (video game free) day.
Coming soon: ‘Technological Hysteria and How the Internet is Spreading Words of Evil Lizard Men’ with David Icke and The Daily Mail.
Brilliantly sarcastic! I was planning to write something just like this! :-)
> Then a 24-year-old South Korean man hit the headlines when he died
> after a marathon gaming and Internet session. The man, unemployed and
> of no fixed abode, had spent roughly 86 hours at the computer screen
> at his local internet café.
Computer games should DEFINATELY be blamed for this one, after all, if he'd done something healthy for 86 hours straight without a break, like playing sports, reading a book, walking, socialising, etc... he would've been fine!
> Then a 24-year-old South Korean man hit the headlines when he died
> after a marathon gaming and Internet session. The man, unemployed and
> of no fixed abode, had spent roughly 86 hours at the computer screen
> at his local internet café.
Computer games should DEFINATELY be blamed for this one, after all, if he'd done something healthy for 86 hours straight without a break, like playing sports, reading a book, walking, socialising, etc... he would've been fine!
Ron Jeremy stars in a new Mario movie?
Nintendo aren't just for kids after all!
Nintendo aren't just for kids after all!
pop.
Taking it to the extreme!
I thought you were going to mention Ron Jeremy in the Mario bit.
That would have put the lotion in the basket (icing on the cake).
:)
I thought you were going to mention Ron Jeremy in the Mario bit.
That would have put the lotion in the basket (icing on the cake).
:)
Love it!
Hello, Jeremy “shrivelled hand” Beadle here. Since ITV dropped me from You’ve Been Framed and replaced me with a giant gurning heffer, I’ve been struggling to make ends meet. I’ve worked as a sales rep for a drain cleaning firm, a laxative cream tester, and a stand up comedian. Now I’ve even resorted to flogging crappy dvd players made by a company nobody’s heard of, bundled with 100 free crappy films nobody’s heard of in the back of the Sunday newspapers amongst all the adverts for stair lift/old people mobility scooters, “Shoes you’ll never wear out”, men’s leopard skin thongs and more unsavoury type things.
But after problematic years in the wilderness of unemployment, I’m back as an investigative journalist.
As a violent nation gets even more violent with the launch of the high selling video game Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, I’ve been hired by The Daily Mail to talk about the dangers of video games, and the various terrible effects they are having on the nation’s youth, and indeed the world of today.
Violence:
We live in a violent society, just the other day I was walking down a local street and saw 20 muggings, 8 murders and two drive-by shootings, but what’s worse is that the youth of today revel in violence whenever they turn on their video games machines. Titles like the Grand Theft Auto series, Resident Evil, Soldier of Fortune, Mortal Kombat, Doom, Army Men, Carmageddon, Mafia, Max Payne, Hooligans, Postal and BloodBath 4: Gut Ripper, all encourage the player to kill, maim and brutalise people, and cackle heartily whilst they do it.
All video games involve guns, killing, carnage and blood, and as a result, games are rotting the minds of the nations youth, like the fizzy drinks have rotted their teeth (see the many Daily Mail reports on this).
Many young children are being subliminally trained as killers on these electronic games, the countless high school shootings in the US are conclusive proof that. The guilty gunmen would admit to having unhealthy obsessions with certain violent video games, and they totally influenced by what they saw on screen. This problem is nothing to do with the slack gun laws, blasé attitude towards firearms, high percentage of gun-loving crazy rednecks and bad parenting in America, it’s all down to video games.
In a recent study conducted by The Daily Mail, 68% of all crime in the UK is committed by those influenced by video games, whether it’s muggings (stealing coins), shootings, car-jacking or jumping on people’s heads. In fact, other in depth studies carried out by The Daily Mail concluded that all major incidences of crime in the last twenty years could be attributed to video games in some way or another.
Before video games were invented, we lived in a peaceful society, where man was at peace with his fellow man and trips to the cinema didn’t cost an arm (albeit slightly shrivelled) and a leg, but now, video games have raised their ugly head and turned our pleasant utopia in a demon filled hellhole.
For example, within hours of the putrid Vice City being released, a post office was robbed by a young man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a car was stolen somewhere; conclusive proof of the violent and nefarious influence these games have I think.
The handle on the ‘Sony Gamecube’ system only increases the chances of a mad gamer who’s played too much Doom or Carmageddon hitting you over the head with it resulting in a severe headache, fracture, brain damage or even death.
Obesity:
Roughly 98% of Americans are now obese, of which 97% are grossly obese and are in constant need of industrial lifting machinery to move their fat ar$es out of their settees. The same fat thing is happening to the United Kingdom, and I’m afraid to say that the fault isn’t due to fast food, sweet treats, fried breakfasts, slothfulness and over eating, the problem lies with video games.
A fine example of video games leading to obesity is Rik Waller, a 30 stone pop star, who says, “I’ve been heavy all my life, and I’ve also been playing video games all my life”…a mere coincidence or something more sinister…
Players get addicted to video games and then don’t exercise; all they do is play games and eat lots of food.
Hand-Arm Vibration Syndrome & Nintendonitis:
Gamers risk more than virtual injury or brain damage when they play for prolonged periods, as now people have developed ‘hand-arm vibration syndrome’ and ‘Nintendonitis’ from the vibration feature on video game controllers. Newer game controls have this rumble feature, which vibrates in accordance with events on the screen, creating a more realistic effect. The extended use of vibrating game controls could put them at risk for the same injury experienced by operators of power tools like jackhammers or chainsaws, with damage to fingers or the palm.
I did some research of my own into the matter, and found that most children play video games for up to 22 hours a day. While I acknowledge that this exceeds the manufacturer's recommendations, it is a major problem. 70 percent of children now suffer from mild forms of HAVS, leading to many hot drinks being spilt, resulting in scalds or burns and ugly legal suits. Plus, with Nintendonitis on the rise, we will be deprived of a new generation of great concert pianists.
Death:
Yes, games are even responsible for roughly 1,800,000 deaths a year worldwide, many due to violent spats between players, strangulation of loved-ones with control pad wires or food, drink and sleep deprivation amongst hardcore gamers.
Whilst playing an online game called “Counter Strike”, a game that encourages the player to kill their opponents, a man in Thailand stabbed his real life opponent to death when he was beaten in the game. So next time you are playing evil killing games at an Internet café, watch out for the shifty oddball loner who may wish to fight dirty in real life if he loses at his precious game.
Then a 24-year-old South Korean man hit the headlines when he died after a marathon gaming and Internet session. The man, unemployed and of no fixed abode, had spent roughly 86 hours at the computer screen at his local internet café. Like Elvis, he died in the bathroom
There have been several other cases of this so called “Game Addiction Disorder”, where gamers get so engrossed in a game that they forget to eat or drink, so a glazed eyed zombie like state or even death is imminent. As video games become even more addictive I can see many millions more of these cases arising soon.
You can even download so called “game patches”, which according to a Daily Mail source, are similar to Nicotine patches, and are used to gradually wean gamers off gaming.
Handheld games machines like the “Gameboy” have caused many traffic accidents, as gamers are so addicted to video games that they drive cars whilst playing, or walk into the road, forgetting the Green Cross Code.
Mario:
Then we have the big video game mascot, Mario, a vile, greasy looking fat man with a gay handlebar moustache hanging around with his equally gay looking “brother” and seeing an obviously underage princess. Filthy, horrid man, and what’s worse, his games are brightly coloured and obviously aimed at children, meaning that even the young are exposed to this abomination.
Soon our once great nation will be turned into Mario loving obese deranged psychopaths with trembling hands and Nintendoitis fingers…though thankfully, if their fingers hurt it’ll be harder for them to fire real life guns and kill innocent people in cold blood!!
The Greeks were right when they banned video games. Games are evil.
Don’t play these wretched video games, read a book (the Jeremy Beadle auto-biography, entitled “I’m a big pranker” is out in time for Christmas, £9.99, available at all good retailers), paint a picture, write poetry or help out in an elderly persons home, you’ll be all the better for it.
Jeremy Beadle and The Daily Mail thank you, and wish you a pleasant (video game free) day.
Coming soon: ‘Technological Hysteria and How the Internet is Spreading Words of Evil Lizard Men’ with David Icke and The Daily Mail.
But after problematic years in the wilderness of unemployment, I’m back as an investigative journalist.
As a violent nation gets even more violent with the launch of the high selling video game Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, I’ve been hired by The Daily Mail to talk about the dangers of video games, and the various terrible effects they are having on the nation’s youth, and indeed the world of today.
Violence:
We live in a violent society, just the other day I was walking down a local street and saw 20 muggings, 8 murders and two drive-by shootings, but what’s worse is that the youth of today revel in violence whenever they turn on their video games machines. Titles like the Grand Theft Auto series, Resident Evil, Soldier of Fortune, Mortal Kombat, Doom, Army Men, Carmageddon, Mafia, Max Payne, Hooligans, Postal and BloodBath 4: Gut Ripper, all encourage the player to kill, maim and brutalise people, and cackle heartily whilst they do it.
All video games involve guns, killing, carnage and blood, and as a result, games are rotting the minds of the nations youth, like the fizzy drinks have rotted their teeth (see the many Daily Mail reports on this).
Many young children are being subliminally trained as killers on these electronic games, the countless high school shootings in the US are conclusive proof that. The guilty gunmen would admit to having unhealthy obsessions with certain violent video games, and they totally influenced by what they saw on screen. This problem is nothing to do with the slack gun laws, blasé attitude towards firearms, high percentage of gun-loving crazy rednecks and bad parenting in America, it’s all down to video games.
In a recent study conducted by The Daily Mail, 68% of all crime in the UK is committed by those influenced by video games, whether it’s muggings (stealing coins), shootings, car-jacking or jumping on people’s heads. In fact, other in depth studies carried out by The Daily Mail concluded that all major incidences of crime in the last twenty years could be attributed to video games in some way or another.
Before video games were invented, we lived in a peaceful society, where man was at peace with his fellow man and trips to the cinema didn’t cost an arm (albeit slightly shrivelled) and a leg, but now, video games have raised their ugly head and turned our pleasant utopia in a demon filled hellhole.
For example, within hours of the putrid Vice City being released, a post office was robbed by a young man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a car was stolen somewhere; conclusive proof of the violent and nefarious influence these games have I think.
The handle on the ‘Sony Gamecube’ system only increases the chances of a mad gamer who’s played too much Doom or Carmageddon hitting you over the head with it resulting in a severe headache, fracture, brain damage or even death.
Obesity:
Roughly 98% of Americans are now obese, of which 97% are grossly obese and are in constant need of industrial lifting machinery to move their fat ar$es out of their settees. The same fat thing is happening to the United Kingdom, and I’m afraid to say that the fault isn’t due to fast food, sweet treats, fried breakfasts, slothfulness and over eating, the problem lies with video games.
A fine example of video games leading to obesity is Rik Waller, a 30 stone pop star, who says, “I’ve been heavy all my life, and I’ve also been playing video games all my life”…a mere coincidence or something more sinister…
Players get addicted to video games and then don’t exercise; all they do is play games and eat lots of food.
Hand-Arm Vibration Syndrome & Nintendonitis:
Gamers risk more than virtual injury or brain damage when they play for prolonged periods, as now people have developed ‘hand-arm vibration syndrome’ and ‘Nintendonitis’ from the vibration feature on video game controllers. Newer game controls have this rumble feature, which vibrates in accordance with events on the screen, creating a more realistic effect. The extended use of vibrating game controls could put them at risk for the same injury experienced by operators of power tools like jackhammers or chainsaws, with damage to fingers or the palm.
I did some research of my own into the matter, and found that most children play video games for up to 22 hours a day. While I acknowledge that this exceeds the manufacturer's recommendations, it is a major problem. 70 percent of children now suffer from mild forms of HAVS, leading to many hot drinks being spilt, resulting in scalds or burns and ugly legal suits. Plus, with Nintendonitis on the rise, we will be deprived of a new generation of great concert pianists.
Death:
Yes, games are even responsible for roughly 1,800,000 deaths a year worldwide, many due to violent spats between players, strangulation of loved-ones with control pad wires or food, drink and sleep deprivation amongst hardcore gamers.
Whilst playing an online game called “Counter Strike”, a game that encourages the player to kill their opponents, a man in Thailand stabbed his real life opponent to death when he was beaten in the game. So next time you are playing evil killing games at an Internet café, watch out for the shifty oddball loner who may wish to fight dirty in real life if he loses at his precious game.
Then a 24-year-old South Korean man hit the headlines when he died after a marathon gaming and Internet session. The man, unemployed and of no fixed abode, had spent roughly 86 hours at the computer screen at his local internet café. Like Elvis, he died in the bathroom
There have been several other cases of this so called “Game Addiction Disorder”, where gamers get so engrossed in a game that they forget to eat or drink, so a glazed eyed zombie like state or even death is imminent. As video games become even more addictive I can see many millions more of these cases arising soon.
You can even download so called “game patches”, which according to a Daily Mail source, are similar to Nicotine patches, and are used to gradually wean gamers off gaming.
Handheld games machines like the “Gameboy” have caused many traffic accidents, as gamers are so addicted to video games that they drive cars whilst playing, or walk into the road, forgetting the Green Cross Code.
Mario:
Then we have the big video game mascot, Mario, a vile, greasy looking fat man with a gay handlebar moustache hanging around with his equally gay looking “brother” and seeing an obviously underage princess. Filthy, horrid man, and what’s worse, his games are brightly coloured and obviously aimed at children, meaning that even the young are exposed to this abomination.
Soon our once great nation will be turned into Mario loving obese deranged psychopaths with trembling hands and Nintendoitis fingers…though thankfully, if their fingers hurt it’ll be harder for them to fire real life guns and kill innocent people in cold blood!!
The Greeks were right when they banned video games. Games are evil.
Don’t play these wretched video games, read a book (the Jeremy Beadle auto-biography, entitled “I’m a big pranker” is out in time for Christmas, £9.99, available at all good retailers), paint a picture, write poetry or help out in an elderly persons home, you’ll be all the better for it.
Jeremy Beadle and The Daily Mail thank you, and wish you a pleasant (video game free) day.
Coming soon: ‘Technological Hysteria and How the Internet is Spreading Words of Evil Lizard Men’ with David Icke and The Daily Mail.