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Colin was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Colin how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Colin and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Colin! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Colin's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Colin that he thinks Colin's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No,no, just name anyone else," Colin says. "President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts. "Yes," Colin says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington." And off they go.
At the White House, Clinton spots Colin on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Colin, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Colin, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Colin. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time." So off they fly to Rome.
Colin and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Colin says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Colin emerges with the Pope on the balcony but by the time Colin returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Colin asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who the f**k's that on the balcony with Colin?"
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Colin how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Colin and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Colin! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Colin's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Colin that he thinks Colin's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No,no, just name anyone else," Colin says. "President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts. "Yes," Colin says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington." And off they go.
At the White House, Clinton spots Colin on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Colin, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Colin, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Colin. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time." So off they fly to Rome.
Colin and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Colin says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Colin emerges with the Pope on the balcony but by the time Colin returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Colin asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who the f**k's that on the balcony with Colin?"
Better.... (get a bucket...)
:)
:)
Ok, try this one then:
A husband is at home watching the football, when his wife
interrupts:
Honey, could you fix the hall light? It's been flickering for weeks now. He looks at her and says, angrily: 'Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have Powergen printed on my forehead? I don't think so!'
Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close
properly.' Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Hotpoint written on my forehead? I don't think so!'
Fine,' she says, 'Well then, could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They are about to break up.'
Does it look as though I've got B&Q written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of this, I'm going to the pub.'
So, he goes to the pub and drinks until closing time.
When he arrives home, he notices the steps are fixed and the light has stopped flickering. He goes to the fridge to get a beer and notices that the fridge door is also fixed.
'Honey, how did all these get fixed?'
'Well,' she said 'When you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong - so I told him. He offered to do all the repairs and all I had do was either bake him a cake OR have sex with him.'
'So, what kind of cake did you bake him?'
'She replied: 'HELLO!!!..... Do you see Mr Kipling written on my forehead? I don't think so!'
A husband is at home watching the football, when his wife
interrupts:
Honey, could you fix the hall light? It's been flickering for weeks now. He looks at her and says, angrily: 'Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have Powergen printed on my forehead? I don't think so!'
Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close
properly.' Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Hotpoint written on my forehead? I don't think so!'
Fine,' she says, 'Well then, could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They are about to break up.'
Does it look as though I've got B&Q written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of this, I'm going to the pub.'
So, he goes to the pub and drinks until closing time.
When he arrives home, he notices the steps are fixed and the light has stopped flickering. He goes to the fridge to get a beer and notices that the fridge door is also fixed.
'Honey, how did all these get fixed?'
'Well,' she said 'When you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong - so I told him. He offered to do all the repairs and all I had do was either bake him a cake OR have sex with him.'
'So, what kind of cake did you bake him?'
'She replied: 'HELLO!!!..... Do you see Mr Kipling written on my forehead? I don't think so!'
Yaw haw haw!
Yes, well not as good as the last couple. Still read my post about more choice for us and all will be forgiven.
Colin was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Colin how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Colin and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Colin! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Colin's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Colin that he thinks Colin's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No,no, just name anyone else," Colin says. "President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts. "Yes," Colin says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington." And off they go.
At the White House, Clinton spots Colin on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Colin, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Colin, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Colin. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time." So off they fly to Rome.
Colin and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Colin says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Colin emerges with the Pope on the balcony but by the time Colin returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Colin asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who the f**k's that on the balcony with Colin?"
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Colin how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."
So Colin and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Colin! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Colin's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Colin that he thinks Colin's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No,no, just name anyone else," Colin says. "President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts. "Yes," Colin says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington." And off they go.
At the White House, Clinton spots Colin on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Colin, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Colin, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Colin. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time." So off they fly to Rome.
Colin and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Colin says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Colin emerges with the Pope on the balcony but by the time Colin returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Colin asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who the f**k's that on the balcony with Colin?"