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An exert from 'Lies, Lies and More Lies'
---
EA has today announced a new range of games for the masses, involving complex puzzles, the *real* meaning of linear and some amazing sums for the price. Based on common high school subjcts, these popular franchises and new beginner games will all have an education theme, so that you, the average 16-18 year old, can tell your parents..
"Oi! This games is educational! I gotta calculate some s***"
(or something along those rebellious lines - don't be fair, be hypocritical, and why not, you're a teenager)
The games, designed in yet another lame attempt to make learning fun, the first after suggesting you should do revision by making sums out of rap songs) will feature algebra, parabolas, je m'appelles, j'habite a's, similes and much more. They will be priced at the industry average (that's overpriced to you and me) and in a press statement, EA said...
"...working with the Education authorities, the top 'guys and gals' at the SQA and the fools...FOOLS! at EdExcel we hope to increase exams results through a medium which has been around for years..."
Some of EA's ideas are listed here. Some were just too bad to write about.
-
FIFA 200n/40 - For PS1/PS2/Xbox/Gamecube/GBC/GBA/GB/GBP
-
The next bi-monthly installment into the Fifa, going on to all the consoles will feature, among other things, "...exciting and fast paced football action intertwined with algebraic equations, logarithmic functions and y=mx+c, the equation of a straight line. Plan your goalies defense with a parabola, and pass by the opponent with an amazingly linear kick...". For the simpler, positive and negative numbers, a breif team talk from Pythagoras and, another quote from EA, "...his band of weird maths-hippies....", plus many other mathematicians and great minds of the century, it's set to be mind bogglingly confusing, and general boring. But since some fools still buy every Fifa game, estimated sales are 30..million
Also announced was a mix between action, the sciences, and computerised ladies...
-
BUFFY THE ALUMINIUM REACTOR
-
Buffy, on her quest to rid the world of vampires, has been sidetracked! Now shes stuck on a random, unnamed island and using Newton's Laws of Motion and a convienent chemistry set lying on a sandy beach, you must build a raft to get home safely. But of course, this is EA, and they couldn't make a game last too long, it would defy company morals. If you don't find a perfect balance of the sciences before the game timer runs out..2 days...then a never-before mentioned ball of francium will be unleashed from the vat of oil holding it in and it will wall into the water, explosing into flame and spreading across the seas of the world, killing all in it's path. A bit like vampires...but not. EA say "...this game will put the most skilled of point-and-click gamers on the edge of their seats...", but we firmly believe the rest of us (ie 99%) will not be buying this. Ever. Even if it's the last game on Earth. Because it's not a game. It's utter hell.
But the fun doesn't stop there, hell no. There was still the surprise announcement of another learning game. This time, learn or be hurt in..
-
SHOX : LITERALLY
-
The name kind of gives away the 2 meanings of this game...it's about literature. And it will also shock you, physically, mentally and literally.
The object of the 'game' (loosest sense of the word) is to drive around the tracks of various cities, lovingly rendered versions of capital cities. If only EA had done their research. Then they would notice Keith, not only is it not capital city. But they don't use cutlery. When asked about this, EA said "...erm...", an astonishingly complex and witty reply to such a simple question. But if they don't pick up all of the letters, lazily spread around the course, the DaulShockShock will do as the name suggests - power 240V through the player. But success lays for those who find the letters and spell the required levels correctly. A new course, and an upped voltage...for those who don't? Near-death experiences a plenty and a horrible spasms for years to come.
As much as we thought this new 'range' couldn't get any worse, it did, when head of EA, unofficially known as 'retard', said...
"...and of course, we had to bring out biggest franchise to the masses, but now, in educational form..."
Possiblythe most dreaded...game...ever?
-
THE SIMS : EDU-LUXE - With Hot Hyperbola, (Maths) On Holiday, The Sim's (Mental Capacity) Unleashed etc etc
-
In writing this article, and at the conference, we hoped it wouldn't come to this. The Sims, in an educational game. The Sims is bad enough without some form of learning integrated. Manage the household budget, give the kids pocket money, measure the acceleration of the toy car along the floor...a whole new meaning to 'stupid'. EA claim The Sims : Edu-Luxe has gone gold, and 17 expansion packs, including the above listed, and many more, with connection with a SmartTxtBook, also known as a 'revolution in learning' or 'a waste of time' depending on person, so that more learning can be downloaded. But once again, it's the Sims, and it will sell millions.
These are the only 4 games that were described and playable, but many others were announced, including several Simpsons learning games, which, in vast contrast to the other games, can only be better than their...'normal' versions, and also Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - devise a cunning plan with the help of geography to escape the prison, by crossing knolls, queifs and by using trig points as markers. Sounds fun.
---
So, what do you think? Will the new EA range be a success, or will consumers decided not to challenge everything, or at last, no EA game?
---
EA has today announced a new range of games for the masses, involving complex puzzles, the *real* meaning of linear and some amazing sums for the price. Based on common high school subjcts, these popular franchises and new beginner games will all have an education theme, so that you, the average 16-18 year old, can tell your parents..
"Oi! This games is educational! I gotta calculate some s***"
(or something along those rebellious lines - don't be fair, be hypocritical, and why not, you're a teenager)
The games, designed in yet another lame attempt to make learning fun, the first after suggesting you should do revision by making sums out of rap songs) will feature algebra, parabolas, je m'appelles, j'habite a's, similes and much more. They will be priced at the industry average (that's overpriced to you and me) and in a press statement, EA said...
"...working with the Education authorities, the top 'guys and gals' at the SQA and the fools...FOOLS! at EdExcel we hope to increase exams results through a medium which has been around for years..."
Some of EA's ideas are listed here. Some were just too bad to write about.
-
FIFA 200n/40 - For PS1/PS2/Xbox/Gamecube/GBC/GBA/GB/GBP
-
The next bi-monthly installment into the Fifa, going on to all the consoles will feature, among other things, "...exciting and fast paced football action intertwined with algebraic equations, logarithmic functions and y=mx+c, the equation of a straight line. Plan your goalies defense with a parabola, and pass by the opponent with an amazingly linear kick...". For the simpler, positive and negative numbers, a breif team talk from Pythagoras and, another quote from EA, "...his band of weird maths-hippies....", plus many other mathematicians and great minds of the century, it's set to be mind bogglingly confusing, and general boring. But since some fools still buy every Fifa game, estimated sales are 30..million
Also announced was a mix between action, the sciences, and computerised ladies...
-
BUFFY THE ALUMINIUM REACTOR
-
Buffy, on her quest to rid the world of vampires, has been sidetracked! Now shes stuck on a random, unnamed island and using Newton's Laws of Motion and a convienent chemistry set lying on a sandy beach, you must build a raft to get home safely. But of course, this is EA, and they couldn't make a game last too long, it would defy company morals. If you don't find a perfect balance of the sciences before the game timer runs out..2 days...then a never-before mentioned ball of francium will be unleashed from the vat of oil holding it in and it will wall into the water, explosing into flame and spreading across the seas of the world, killing all in it's path. A bit like vampires...but not. EA say "...this game will put the most skilled of point-and-click gamers on the edge of their seats...", but we firmly believe the rest of us (ie 99%) will not be buying this. Ever. Even if it's the last game on Earth. Because it's not a game. It's utter hell.
But the fun doesn't stop there, hell no. There was still the surprise announcement of another learning game. This time, learn or be hurt in..
-
SHOX : LITERALLY
-
The name kind of gives away the 2 meanings of this game...it's about literature. And it will also shock you, physically, mentally and literally.
The object of the 'game' (loosest sense of the word) is to drive around the tracks of various cities, lovingly rendered versions of capital cities. If only EA had done their research. Then they would notice Keith, not only is it not capital city. But they don't use cutlery. When asked about this, EA said "...erm...", an astonishingly complex and witty reply to such a simple question. But if they don't pick up all of the letters, lazily spread around the course, the DaulShockShock will do as the name suggests - power 240V through the player. But success lays for those who find the letters and spell the required levels correctly. A new course, and an upped voltage...for those who don't? Near-death experiences a plenty and a horrible spasms for years to come.
As much as we thought this new 'range' couldn't get any worse, it did, when head of EA, unofficially known as 'retard', said...
"...and of course, we had to bring out biggest franchise to the masses, but now, in educational form..."
Possiblythe most dreaded...game...ever?
-
THE SIMS : EDU-LUXE - With Hot Hyperbola, (Maths) On Holiday, The Sim's (Mental Capacity) Unleashed etc etc
-
In writing this article, and at the conference, we hoped it wouldn't come to this. The Sims, in an educational game. The Sims is bad enough without some form of learning integrated. Manage the household budget, give the kids pocket money, measure the acceleration of the toy car along the floor...a whole new meaning to 'stupid'. EA claim The Sims : Edu-Luxe has gone gold, and 17 expansion packs, including the above listed, and many more, with connection with a SmartTxtBook, also known as a 'revolution in learning' or 'a waste of time' depending on person, so that more learning can be downloaded. But once again, it's the Sims, and it will sell millions.
These are the only 4 games that were described and playable, but many others were announced, including several Simpsons learning games, which, in vast contrast to the other games, can only be better than their...'normal' versions, and also Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - devise a cunning plan with the help of geography to escape the prison, by crossing knolls, queifs and by using trig points as markers. Sounds fun.
---
So, what do you think? Will the new EA range be a success, or will consumers decided not to challenge everything, or at last, no EA game?
Heh, nice post Fuzzy, enjoyable read. :-)
Thanks for all the info.
Good luck with GAD.
Good luck with GAD.
That was hilarious. Parodies EA brilliantly. If this doesn't win GAD, I'll eat my quadratic equations. (Though I'll probably eat them anyway.)
An exert from 'Lies, Lies and More Lies'
---
EA has today announced a new range of games for the masses, involving complex puzzles, the *real* meaning of linear and some amazing sums for the price. Based on common high school subjcts, these popular franchises and new beginner games will all have an education theme, so that you, the average 16-18 year old, can tell your parents..
"Oi! This games is educational! I gotta calculate some s***"
(or something along those rebellious lines - don't be fair, be hypocritical, and why not, you're a teenager)
The games, designed in yet another lame attempt to make learning fun, the first after suggesting you should do revision by making sums out of rap songs) will feature algebra, parabolas, je m'appelles, j'habite a's, similes and much more. They will be priced at the industry average (that's overpriced to you and me) and in a press statement, EA said...
"...working with the Education authorities, the top 'guys and gals' at the SQA and the fools...FOOLS! at EdExcel we hope to increase exams results through a medium which has been around for years..."
Some of EA's ideas are listed here. Some were just too bad to write about.
-
FIFA 200n/40 - For PS1/PS2/Xbox/Gamecube/GBC/GBA/GB/GBP
-
The next bi-monthly installment into the Fifa, going on to all the consoles will feature, among other things, "...exciting and fast paced football action intertwined with algebraic equations, logarithmic functions and y=mx+c, the equation of a straight line. Plan your goalies defense with a parabola, and pass by the opponent with an amazingly linear kick...". For the simpler, positive and negative numbers, a breif team talk from Pythagoras and, another quote from EA, "...his band of weird maths-hippies....", plus many other mathematicians and great minds of the century, it's set to be mind bogglingly confusing, and general boring. But since some fools still buy every Fifa game, estimated sales are 30..million
Also announced was a mix between action, the sciences, and computerised ladies...
-
BUFFY THE ALUMINIUM REACTOR
-
Buffy, on her quest to rid the world of vampires, has been sidetracked! Now shes stuck on a random, unnamed island and using Newton's Laws of Motion and a convienent chemistry set lying on a sandy beach, you must build a raft to get home safely. But of course, this is EA, and they couldn't make a game last too long, it would defy company morals. If you don't find a perfect balance of the sciences before the game timer runs out..2 days...then a never-before mentioned ball of francium will be unleashed from the vat of oil holding it in and it will wall into the water, explosing into flame and spreading across the seas of the world, killing all in it's path. A bit like vampires...but not. EA say "...this game will put the most skilled of point-and-click gamers on the edge of their seats...", but we firmly believe the rest of us (ie 99%) will not be buying this. Ever. Even if it's the last game on Earth. Because it's not a game. It's utter hell.
But the fun doesn't stop there, hell no. There was still the surprise announcement of another learning game. This time, learn or be hurt in..
-
SHOX : LITERALLY
-
The name kind of gives away the 2 meanings of this game...it's about literature. And it will also shock you, physically, mentally and literally.
The object of the 'game' (loosest sense of the word) is to drive around the tracks of various cities, lovingly rendered versions of capital cities. If only EA had done their research. Then they would notice Keith, not only is it not capital city. But they don't use cutlery. When asked about this, EA said "...erm...", an astonishingly complex and witty reply to such a simple question. But if they don't pick up all of the letters, lazily spread around the course, the DaulShockShock will do as the name suggests - power 240V through the player. But success lays for those who find the letters and spell the required levels correctly. A new course, and an upped voltage...for those who don't? Near-death experiences a plenty and a horrible spasms for years to come.
As much as we thought this new 'range' couldn't get any worse, it did, when head of EA, unofficially known as 'retard', said...
"...and of course, we had to bring out biggest franchise to the masses, but now, in educational form..."
Possiblythe most dreaded...game...ever?
-
THE SIMS : EDU-LUXE - With Hot Hyperbola, (Maths) On Holiday, The Sim's (Mental Capacity) Unleashed etc etc
-
In writing this article, and at the conference, we hoped it wouldn't come to this. The Sims, in an educational game. The Sims is bad enough without some form of learning integrated. Manage the household budget, give the kids pocket money, measure the acceleration of the toy car along the floor...a whole new meaning to 'stupid'. EA claim The Sims : Edu-Luxe has gone gold, and 17 expansion packs, including the above listed, and many more, with connection with a SmartTxtBook, also known as a 'revolution in learning' or 'a waste of time' depending on person, so that more learning can be downloaded. But once again, it's the Sims, and it will sell millions.
These are the only 4 games that were described and playable, but many others were announced, including several Simpsons learning games, which, in vast contrast to the other games, can only be better than their...'normal' versions, and also Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - devise a cunning plan with the help of geography to escape the prison, by crossing knolls, queifs and by using trig points as markers. Sounds fun.
---
So, what do you think? Will the new EA range be a success, or will consumers decided not to challenge everything, or at last, no EA game?
---
EA has today announced a new range of games for the masses, involving complex puzzles, the *real* meaning of linear and some amazing sums for the price. Based on common high school subjcts, these popular franchises and new beginner games will all have an education theme, so that you, the average 16-18 year old, can tell your parents..
"Oi! This games is educational! I gotta calculate some s***"
(or something along those rebellious lines - don't be fair, be hypocritical, and why not, you're a teenager)
The games, designed in yet another lame attempt to make learning fun, the first after suggesting you should do revision by making sums out of rap songs) will feature algebra, parabolas, je m'appelles, j'habite a's, similes and much more. They will be priced at the industry average (that's overpriced to you and me) and in a press statement, EA said...
"...working with the Education authorities, the top 'guys and gals' at the SQA and the fools...FOOLS! at EdExcel we hope to increase exams results through a medium which has been around for years..."
Some of EA's ideas are listed here. Some were just too bad to write about.
-
FIFA 200n/40 - For PS1/PS2/Xbox/Gamecube/GBC/GBA/GB/GBP
-
The next bi-monthly installment into the Fifa, going on to all the consoles will feature, among other things, "...exciting and fast paced football action intertwined with algebraic equations, logarithmic functions and y=mx+c, the equation of a straight line. Plan your goalies defense with a parabola, and pass by the opponent with an amazingly linear kick...". For the simpler, positive and negative numbers, a breif team talk from Pythagoras and, another quote from EA, "...his band of weird maths-hippies....", plus many other mathematicians and great minds of the century, it's set to be mind bogglingly confusing, and general boring. But since some fools still buy every Fifa game, estimated sales are 30..million
Also announced was a mix between action, the sciences, and computerised ladies...
-
BUFFY THE ALUMINIUM REACTOR
-
Buffy, on her quest to rid the world of vampires, has been sidetracked! Now shes stuck on a random, unnamed island and using Newton's Laws of Motion and a convienent chemistry set lying on a sandy beach, you must build a raft to get home safely. But of course, this is EA, and they couldn't make a game last too long, it would defy company morals. If you don't find a perfect balance of the sciences before the game timer runs out..2 days...then a never-before mentioned ball of francium will be unleashed from the vat of oil holding it in and it will wall into the water, explosing into flame and spreading across the seas of the world, killing all in it's path. A bit like vampires...but not. EA say "...this game will put the most skilled of point-and-click gamers on the edge of their seats...", but we firmly believe the rest of us (ie 99%) will not be buying this. Ever. Even if it's the last game on Earth. Because it's not a game. It's utter hell.
But the fun doesn't stop there, hell no. There was still the surprise announcement of another learning game. This time, learn or be hurt in..
-
SHOX : LITERALLY
-
The name kind of gives away the 2 meanings of this game...it's about literature. And it will also shock you, physically, mentally and literally.
The object of the 'game' (loosest sense of the word) is to drive around the tracks of various cities, lovingly rendered versions of capital cities. If only EA had done their research. Then they would notice Keith, not only is it not capital city. But they don't use cutlery. When asked about this, EA said "...erm...", an astonishingly complex and witty reply to such a simple question. But if they don't pick up all of the letters, lazily spread around the course, the DaulShockShock will do as the name suggests - power 240V through the player. But success lays for those who find the letters and spell the required levels correctly. A new course, and an upped voltage...for those who don't? Near-death experiences a plenty and a horrible spasms for years to come.
As much as we thought this new 'range' couldn't get any worse, it did, when head of EA, unofficially known as 'retard', said...
"...and of course, we had to bring out biggest franchise to the masses, but now, in educational form..."
Possiblythe most dreaded...game...ever?
-
THE SIMS : EDU-LUXE - With Hot Hyperbola, (Maths) On Holiday, The Sim's (Mental Capacity) Unleashed etc etc
-
In writing this article, and at the conference, we hoped it wouldn't come to this. The Sims, in an educational game. The Sims is bad enough without some form of learning integrated. Manage the household budget, give the kids pocket money, measure the acceleration of the toy car along the floor...a whole new meaning to 'stupid'. EA claim The Sims : Edu-Luxe has gone gold, and 17 expansion packs, including the above listed, and many more, with connection with a SmartTxtBook, also known as a 'revolution in learning' or 'a waste of time' depending on person, so that more learning can be downloaded. But once again, it's the Sims, and it will sell millions.
These are the only 4 games that were described and playable, but many others were announced, including several Simpsons learning games, which, in vast contrast to the other games, can only be better than their...'normal' versions, and also Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - devise a cunning plan with the help of geography to escape the prison, by crossing knolls, queifs and by using trig points as markers. Sounds fun.
---
So, what do you think? Will the new EA range be a success, or will consumers decided not to challenge everything, or at last, no EA game?