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If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
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Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the thing in the first place, you fat b******s.
-------------------------------------------------
Give up smoking by sticking one cigarette from each new pack up a fat friend's a**e, filter first, then replacing it in the box. The possibility of putting that one in your mouth will put you off smoking any of them.
-------------------------------------------------
Housewives: When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the side of the road every time you have a minor accident.
-------------------------------------------------
Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply
get ratted, lie in a sand pit in your garden and shag every bloke who looks at you over the fence.
-------------------------------------------------
Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon.
-------------------------------------------------
Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
-------------------------------------------------
Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.
-------------------------------------------------
Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest, imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your intended destination in the first place.
--------------------------------------------------
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
-------------------------------------------------
Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower.
-------------------------------------------------
Manchester United fans. Save money on expensive new kits by simply strapping a large fake pen!s to your forehead. It is now clear to all, as to your allegiance.
-------------------------------------------------
Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply urinating in the sink.
-------------------------------------------------
Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the thing in the first place, you fat b******s.
-------------------------------------------------
Give up smoking by sticking one cigarette from each new pack up a fat friend's a**e, filter first, then replacing it in the box. The possibility of putting that one in your mouth will put you off smoking any of them.
-------------------------------------------------
Housewives: When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the side of the road every time you have a minor accident.
-------------------------------------------------
Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply
get ratted, lie in a sand pit in your garden and shag every bloke who looks at you over the fence.
-------------------------------------------------
Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon.
-------------------------------------------------
Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
-------------------------------------------------
Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.
-------------------------------------------------
Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest, imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your intended destination in the first place.
--------------------------------------------------
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
-------------------------------------------------
Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower.
-------------------------------------------------
Manchester United fans. Save money on expensive new kits by simply strapping a large fake pen!s to your forehead. It is now clear to all, as to your allegiance.
-------------------------------------------------
Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply urinating in the sink.
I can remeber one in viz: At the deli counter in tesco get a que ticket. Come back the next day when the que ticket reel has been changed and whan your and someone else number is called an arguemant follows to see whos first.
Ah! Viz Top Tips. Excellent.
Regular Mars Bars make great King Size Mars bars for Dwarves.
Regular Mars Bars make great Fun Size Mars bars for Giants.
Fun Size Mars Bars make great regular size Mars Bars for Dwarves.
King Size Mars bars make great regular size Mars bars for giants.
(And so on)
Apparently this one has been sent to then thousands of times:
"Save money on expensive personalized car registration numbers by simply changing your name. Mr H736EMN Cambs"
Regular Mars Bars make great King Size Mars bars for Dwarves.
Regular Mars Bars make great Fun Size Mars bars for Giants.
Fun Size Mars Bars make great regular size Mars Bars for Dwarves.
King Size Mars bars make great regular size Mars bars for giants.
(And so on)
Apparently this one has been sent to then thousands of times:
"Save money on expensive personalized car registration numbers by simply changing your name. Mr H736EMN Cambs"
Glad you liked it.
I've got something else that I'll post in a minute, have to go find it though...
I've got something else that I'll post in a minute, have to go find it though...
nice one YH.. we want mor eplease...
Damn funny, i want to see more of these in the future.
Don't waste money buying
> expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
>
Olympic athletes. Disguise
> the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower.
----
Frightening in their simple logic really.
> expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
>
Olympic athletes. Disguise
> the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower.
----
Frightening in their simple logic really.
Excellent stuff. Particularly the first one and the last one :)
If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
-------------------------------------------------
Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the thing in the first place, you fat b******s.
-------------------------------------------------
Give up smoking by sticking one cigarette from each new pack up a fat friend's a**e, filter first, then replacing it in the box. The possibility of putting that one in your mouth will put you off smoking any of them.
-------------------------------------------------
Housewives: When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the side of the road every time you have a minor accident.
-------------------------------------------------
Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply
get ratted, lie in a sand pit in your garden and shag every bloke who looks at you over the fence.
-------------------------------------------------
Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon.
-------------------------------------------------
Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
-------------------------------------------------
Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.
-------------------------------------------------
Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest, imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your intended destination in the first place.
--------------------------------------------------
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
-------------------------------------------------
Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower.
-------------------------------------------------
Manchester United fans. Save money on expensive new kits by simply strapping a large fake pen!s to your forehead. It is now clear to all, as to your allegiance.
-------------------------------------------------
Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply urinating in the sink.
-------------------------------------------------
Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the thing in the first place, you fat b******s.
-------------------------------------------------
Give up smoking by sticking one cigarette from each new pack up a fat friend's a**e, filter first, then replacing it in the box. The possibility of putting that one in your mouth will put you off smoking any of them.
-------------------------------------------------
Housewives: When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the side of the road every time you have a minor accident.
-------------------------------------------------
Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply
get ratted, lie in a sand pit in your garden and shag every bloke who looks at you over the fence.
-------------------------------------------------
Minor skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering any cuts and grazes with thin strips of bacon.
-------------------------------------------------
Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
-------------------------------------------------
Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.
-------------------------------------------------
Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest, imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your intended destination in the first place.
--------------------------------------------------
An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
-------------------------------------------------
Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower.
-------------------------------------------------
Manchester United fans. Save money on expensive new kits by simply strapping a large fake pen!s to your forehead. It is now clear to all, as to your allegiance.
-------------------------------------------------
Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply urinating in the sink.