The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
How many of you suffer from an illness? Well the doctors may think that a lot of you don’t but I know better *taps nose and looks smug* you see after several minu- uh years of studying medicine I have found various new disorders and illnesses I shall present my ideas in the following post:
Case 1:
Have you ever seen a man in the park who will wander around without any apparent purpose and then upon spotting any small, furry, feathered or downright weird creature he will do strange hand actions as if throwing something or imitating Will Young(?)*
Prognosis: This is a curable disorder it is not a mental sickness as many ‘professionals’ would presume but it is in fact one of my new found ‘Gaming Sicknesses’. The cause is simple, sad yes but simple non-the-less it is in fact a ‘Pokemon Addiction’
Symptoms: This is a fairly easy disorder to find and put a stop to before it goes to far.
Symptom 1: Pokemon pictures or posters all over the wall
Severity: This is only a mild form of Pokitis with a severity level of 3 (in a scale of 1-10, 1 being the highest and 10 being the lowest)
Note: If symptom number 1 is found you are advised to tear all posters/pictures of Pokemon off the walls immediately and replace with various posters of the opposite sex** in no clothes in various arousing positions.
Symptom 2: The infected person(s) has covered his or her gameboy and or N64 with Pokemon transfers.
Severity: This is the second phase of Pokitis and therefore has a severity level of 5
Note: Unlike symptom 1 destroying the infected persons consoles and replacing them with porn is not a good idea as they may uh ‘Hurt’ you no the advisable course of action here is simply to show his/her partner the transfers or failing this to simply buy them some Tomb Raider stickers or even Mario.
Symptom 3: This is the most terrible symptom of this awful disorder it is basically both of the above aswell as sleep talking, nothing strange there right? Well this is not any normal sleep-talking oh no when the victim is asleep he will shout various things such as ‘GO CHARIZARD!’ or ‘NOOOOO PIKACHU’
Severity: This is truly terrible and therefore has a severity level of 10
Note: Unlike the previous two symptoms this is practically incurable if your friend or relative is showing this symptom the advised course of action is ‘Run’
*If Gerrid is seen doing these or any other similar actions ignore it that’s just the way he is he’s not infected.
** In Gerrid or Tibute’s case once again ignore it.
Overall Severity Level: 9
Case 2:
OK so we have all seen people with these little ‘Fingerboards’ right? And we have all seen ‘Skaters’ and I’m also sure a lot of you have thought ‘What on earth inspired those idiots to do that!’ but it’s not their fault Ok so they do it of their own accord but it still isn’t their fault.
Prognosis: This once again is a curable sickness (to a level) it is simply caused by too much playing on ‘Tony Hawks Pro Skater’ and it is advised that it is irradicated immediately
Symptom 1:
The first, Least worrying symptom is just talking like they do. If somebody you know says words like ‘Hip’, ‘Trippin’, ‘ Bangin’’ or ‘Phat’ This is the first sign of ‘Skaters Brain’ and must be stopped.
Severity Level: This is only a mild form it only gets a Level of 3
Note: The best way to stop this is just to tell the infectee what they are doing and buy them a dictionary as a present.
Symptom 2:
When the disorder reaches a certain point the infectee will start more annoying ways of ‘Being a skater’ the second one is ‘Finger boarding’.
Severity Level: Now this is quite serious mainly because of the sadness thus it is getting a level of 7
Note: The best way to stop this is to say to the infected person ‘Can I have a go with that!’ *looking really enthusiastic* then upon being given the Board snap it in half then say ‘Oohps how did that happen and run’
Symptom 3:
This really is a bad sign if the infectee is seen Skate Boarding or even owning a Skate Board you should be really scared.
Severity Level : This is the most severe sign of ‘Skaters Brain’ And therefore gets a level of 10
Note: To get rid of this disorder simply burn the Board *if possible dance around the fire singing ‘Burn baby burn’* of course the friend will be very annoyed at this but just tell him/her its for their own good… Upon regaining consciousness make a reconciliation with friend.
Overall Severity Level: 8
Case 3:
This is the first Physical disorder therefore has different symptoms. Have you ever seen somebody who has very crooked bent in fingers and just dismissed them as having arthritis.
Prognosis: This isn’t some strange muscle disorder or arthritis it is just a case of too much ‘Halo’
Now there are steps to prevent this the first being ‘don’t buy ‘Halo’’ but that’s not gonna happen is it? Ok so there has to be another way and there is just follow these simple steps:
1. Playing for more than 6 hours can be bad for your health so maybe take a break, go for a pee or at least drink some coffee.
2. Warm up and cool down exercises are advised before long playing sessions some actions are: Bending of the fingers or even cracking of fingers. Both will help and especially at the end of long ‘Gaming Binges’
3. After long ‘Gaming Binges’ and your Cool Down exercises it is advised that you soak your fingers in a bowl of warm water.
Overall Severity Level: 6
Case 4:
Ok so we all have our Bond moments right… come on you know what I mean when your all alone and you jump around the corner making a gun shape with your hands and shouting ‘Freeze Asshol*!’ …or maybe not. Anyhow I have found that this is a serious disorder and can get out of control.
Prognosis: This like the others is a curable disorder but should still be treated with extreme caution it is not a totally mental disorder but a ‘Gaming Disorder’ caused by to many or too much Stealth games (Splinter Cell, Metal gear solid e.t.c.)
Symptom 1: The first sign of ‘Secret Agent Syndrome’ is playing for more than 10 straight hours a day on the same game for weeks (A few days is perfectly acceptable of course)
Note: To irradicate this simply show him some different games to add variety to his Gaming Binges.
Severity Level: 3
Symptom 2: The second sign is practising your ‘Stealth’ moves at night (these can vary from splits to hiding in shadows)
Note: To get rid of this just tell him (as this tends to be a male dominated sickness) That these moves can damage his genitalia and risk never having kids again.
Severity Level: 5
Symptom 3: The last symptom is using these new practised moves which in its self can be scary.
Note: This is a fairly irreversible stage and therefore what’s the point in fighting it hey just get him a army leaflet and wish him luck.
Severity Level: 10 as it is unstoppable.
As you can see these disorders are highly disturbing and should be taken very seriously it is in my opinion that the medical board should take this report with their sincerest interest.
Case Closed
Yours Sincerely
R<>K
Case 1:
Have you ever seen a man in the park who will wander around without any apparent purpose and then upon spotting any small, furry, feathered or downright weird creature he will do strange hand actions as if throwing something or imitating Will Young(?)*
Prognosis: This is a curable disorder it is not a mental sickness as many ‘professionals’ would presume but it is in fact one of my new found ‘Gaming Sicknesses’. The cause is simple, sad yes but simple non-the-less it is in fact a ‘Pokemon Addiction’
Symptoms: This is a fairly easy disorder to find and put a stop to before it goes to far.
Symptom 1: Pokemon pictures or posters all over the wall
Severity: This is only a mild form of Pokitis with a severity level of 3 (in a scale of 1-10, 1 being the highest and 10 being the lowest)
Note: If symptom number 1 is found you are advised to tear all posters/pictures of Pokemon off the walls immediately and replace with various posters of the opposite sex** in no clothes in various arousing positions.
Symptom 2: The infected person(s) has covered his or her gameboy and or N64 with Pokemon transfers.
Severity: This is the second phase of Pokitis and therefore has a severity level of 5
Note: Unlike symptom 1 destroying the infected persons consoles and replacing them with porn is not a good idea as they may uh ‘Hurt’ you no the advisable course of action here is simply to show his/her partner the transfers or failing this to simply buy them some Tomb Raider stickers or even Mario.
Symptom 3: This is the most terrible symptom of this awful disorder it is basically both of the above aswell as sleep talking, nothing strange there right? Well this is not any normal sleep-talking oh no when the victim is asleep he will shout various things such as ‘GO CHARIZARD!’ or ‘NOOOOO PIKACHU’
Severity: This is truly terrible and therefore has a severity level of 10
Note: Unlike the previous two symptoms this is practically incurable if your friend or relative is showing this symptom the advised course of action is ‘Run’
*If Gerrid is seen doing these or any other similar actions ignore it that’s just the way he is he’s not infected.
** In Gerrid or Tibute’s case once again ignore it.
Overall Severity Level: 9
Case 2:
OK so we have all seen people with these little ‘Fingerboards’ right? And we have all seen ‘Skaters’ and I’m also sure a lot of you have thought ‘What on earth inspired those idiots to do that!’ but it’s not their fault Ok so they do it of their own accord but it still isn’t their fault.
Prognosis: This once again is a curable sickness (to a level) it is simply caused by too much playing on ‘Tony Hawks Pro Skater’ and it is advised that it is irradicated immediately
Symptom 1:
The first, Least worrying symptom is just talking like they do. If somebody you know says words like ‘Hip’, ‘Trippin’, ‘ Bangin’’ or ‘Phat’ This is the first sign of ‘Skaters Brain’ and must be stopped.
Severity Level: This is only a mild form it only gets a Level of 3
Note: The best way to stop this is just to tell the infectee what they are doing and buy them a dictionary as a present.
Symptom 2:
When the disorder reaches a certain point the infectee will start more annoying ways of ‘Being a skater’ the second one is ‘Finger boarding’.
Severity Level: Now this is quite serious mainly because of the sadness thus it is getting a level of 7
Note: The best way to stop this is to say to the infected person ‘Can I have a go with that!’ *looking really enthusiastic* then upon being given the Board snap it in half then say ‘Oohps how did that happen and run’
Symptom 3:
This really is a bad sign if the infectee is seen Skate Boarding or even owning a Skate Board you should be really scared.
Severity Level : This is the most severe sign of ‘Skaters Brain’ And therefore gets a level of 10
Note: To get rid of this disorder simply burn the Board *if possible dance around the fire singing ‘Burn baby burn’* of course the friend will be very annoyed at this but just tell him/her its for their own good… Upon regaining consciousness make a reconciliation with friend.
Overall Severity Level: 8
Case 3:
This is the first Physical disorder therefore has different symptoms. Have you ever seen somebody who has very crooked bent in fingers and just dismissed them as having arthritis.
Prognosis: This isn’t some strange muscle disorder or arthritis it is just a case of too much ‘Halo’
Now there are steps to prevent this the first being ‘don’t buy ‘Halo’’ but that’s not gonna happen is it? Ok so there has to be another way and there is just follow these simple steps:
1. Playing for more than 6 hours can be bad for your health so maybe take a break, go for a pee or at least drink some coffee.
2. Warm up and cool down exercises are advised before long playing sessions some actions are: Bending of the fingers or even cracking of fingers. Both will help and especially at the end of long ‘Gaming Binges’
3. After long ‘Gaming Binges’ and your Cool Down exercises it is advised that you soak your fingers in a bowl of warm water.
Overall Severity Level: 6
Case 4:
Ok so we all have our Bond moments right… come on you know what I mean when your all alone and you jump around the corner making a gun shape with your hands and shouting ‘Freeze Asshol*!’ …or maybe not. Anyhow I have found that this is a serious disorder and can get out of control.
Prognosis: This like the others is a curable disorder but should still be treated with extreme caution it is not a totally mental disorder but a ‘Gaming Disorder’ caused by to many or too much Stealth games (Splinter Cell, Metal gear solid e.t.c.)
Symptom 1: The first sign of ‘Secret Agent Syndrome’ is playing for more than 10 straight hours a day on the same game for weeks (A few days is perfectly acceptable of course)
Note: To irradicate this simply show him some different games to add variety to his Gaming Binges.
Severity Level: 3
Symptom 2: The second sign is practising your ‘Stealth’ moves at night (these can vary from splits to hiding in shadows)
Note: To get rid of this just tell him (as this tends to be a male dominated sickness) That these moves can damage his genitalia and risk never having kids again.
Severity Level: 5
Symptom 3: The last symptom is using these new practised moves which in its self can be scary.
Note: This is a fairly irreversible stage and therefore what’s the point in fighting it hey just get him a army leaflet and wish him luck.
Severity Level: 10 as it is unstoppable.
As you can see these disorders are highly disturbing and should be taken very seriously it is in my opinion that the medical board should take this report with their sincerest interest.
Case Closed
Yours Sincerely
R<>K
I think there actually is a disease/condition called Nintenditis
Arthritis in the thumbs. Its like carpel tunnel syndrome for the gaming generation.
yes
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
on
no
ni
no
no
no
no
no
no
no
on
no
ni
How many of you suffer from an illness? Well the doctors may think that a lot of you don’t but I know better *taps nose and looks smug* you see after several minu- uh years of studying medicine I have found various new disorders and illnesses I shall present my ideas in the following post:
Case 1:
Have you ever seen a man in the park who will wander around without any apparent purpose and then upon spotting any small, furry, feathered or downright weird creature he will do strange hand actions as if throwing something or imitating Will Young(?)*
Prognosis: This is a curable disorder it is not a mental sickness as many ‘professionals’ would presume but it is in fact one of my new found ‘Gaming Sicknesses’. The cause is simple, sad yes but simple non-the-less it is in fact a ‘Pokemon Addiction’
Symptoms: This is a fairly easy disorder to find and put a stop to before it goes to far.
Symptom 1: Pokemon pictures or posters all over the wall
Severity: This is only a mild form of Pokitis with a severity level of 3 (in a scale of 1-10, 1 being the highest and 10 being the lowest)
Note: If symptom number 1 is found you are advised to tear all posters/pictures of Pokemon off the walls immediately and replace with various posters of the opposite sex** in no clothes in various arousing positions.
Symptom 2: The infected person(s) has covered his or her gameboy and or N64 with Pokemon transfers.
Severity: This is the second phase of Pokitis and therefore has a severity level of 5
Note: Unlike symptom 1 destroying the infected persons consoles and replacing them with porn is not a good idea as they may uh ‘Hurt’ you no the advisable course of action here is simply to show his/her partner the transfers or failing this to simply buy them some Tomb Raider stickers or even Mario.
Symptom 3: This is the most terrible symptom of this awful disorder it is basically both of the above aswell as sleep talking, nothing strange there right? Well this is not any normal sleep-talking oh no when the victim is asleep he will shout various things such as ‘GO CHARIZARD!’ or ‘NOOOOO PIKACHU’
Severity: This is truly terrible and therefore has a severity level of 10
Note: Unlike the previous two symptoms this is practically incurable if your friend or relative is showing this symptom the advised course of action is ‘Run’
*If Gerrid is seen doing these or any other similar actions ignore it that’s just the way he is he’s not infected.
** In Gerrid or Tibute’s case once again ignore it.
Overall Severity Level: 9
Case 2:
OK so we have all seen people with these little ‘Fingerboards’ right? And we have all seen ‘Skaters’ and I’m also sure a lot of you have thought ‘What on earth inspired those idiots to do that!’ but it’s not their fault Ok so they do it of their own accord but it still isn’t their fault.
Prognosis: This once again is a curable sickness (to a level) it is simply caused by too much playing on ‘Tony Hawks Pro Skater’ and it is advised that it is irradicated immediately
Symptom 1:
The first, Least worrying symptom is just talking like they do. If somebody you know says words like ‘Hip’, ‘Trippin’, ‘ Bangin’’ or ‘Phat’ This is the first sign of ‘Skaters Brain’ and must be stopped.
Severity Level: This is only a mild form it only gets a Level of 3
Note: The best way to stop this is just to tell the infectee what they are doing and buy them a dictionary as a present.
Symptom 2:
When the disorder reaches a certain point the infectee will start more annoying ways of ‘Being a skater’ the second one is ‘Finger boarding’.
Severity Level: Now this is quite serious mainly because of the sadness thus it is getting a level of 7
Note: The best way to stop this is to say to the infected person ‘Can I have a go with that!’ *looking really enthusiastic* then upon being given the Board snap it in half then say ‘Oohps how did that happen and run’
Symptom 3:
This really is a bad sign if the infectee is seen Skate Boarding or even owning a Skate Board you should be really scared.
Severity Level : This is the most severe sign of ‘Skaters Brain’ And therefore gets a level of 10
Note: To get rid of this disorder simply burn the Board *if possible dance around the fire singing ‘Burn baby burn’* of course the friend will be very annoyed at this but just tell him/her its for their own good… Upon regaining consciousness make a reconciliation with friend.
Overall Severity Level: 8
Case 3:
This is the first Physical disorder therefore has different symptoms. Have you ever seen somebody who has very crooked bent in fingers and just dismissed them as having arthritis.
Prognosis: This isn’t some strange muscle disorder or arthritis it is just a case of too much ‘Halo’
Now there are steps to prevent this the first being ‘don’t buy ‘Halo’’ but that’s not gonna happen is it? Ok so there has to be another way and there is just follow these simple steps:
1. Playing for more than 6 hours can be bad for your health so maybe take a break, go for a pee or at least drink some coffee.
2. Warm up and cool down exercises are advised before long playing sessions some actions are: Bending of the fingers or even cracking of fingers. Both will help and especially at the end of long ‘Gaming Binges’
3. After long ‘Gaming Binges’ and your Cool Down exercises it is advised that you soak your fingers in a bowl of warm water.
Overall Severity Level: 6
Case 4:
Ok so we all have our Bond moments right… come on you know what I mean when your all alone and you jump around the corner making a gun shape with your hands and shouting ‘Freeze Asshol*!’ …or maybe not. Anyhow I have found that this is a serious disorder and can get out of control.
Prognosis: This like the others is a curable disorder but should still be treated with extreme caution it is not a totally mental disorder but a ‘Gaming Disorder’ caused by to many or too much Stealth games (Splinter Cell, Metal gear solid e.t.c.)
Symptom 1: The first sign of ‘Secret Agent Syndrome’ is playing for more than 10 straight hours a day on the same game for weeks (A few days is perfectly acceptable of course)
Note: To irradicate this simply show him some different games to add variety to his Gaming Binges.
Severity Level: 3
Symptom 2: The second sign is practising your ‘Stealth’ moves at night (these can vary from splits to hiding in shadows)
Note: To get rid of this just tell him (as this tends to be a male dominated sickness) That these moves can damage his genitalia and risk never having kids again.
Severity Level: 5
Symptom 3: The last symptom is using these new practised moves which in its self can be scary.
Note: This is a fairly irreversible stage and therefore what’s the point in fighting it hey just get him a army leaflet and wish him luck.
Severity Level: 10 as it is unstoppable.
As you can see these disorders are highly disturbing and should be taken very seriously it is in my opinion that the medical board should take this report with their sincerest interest.
Case Closed
Yours Sincerely
R<>K
Case 1:
Have you ever seen a man in the park who will wander around without any apparent purpose and then upon spotting any small, furry, feathered or downright weird creature he will do strange hand actions as if throwing something or imitating Will Young(?)*
Prognosis: This is a curable disorder it is not a mental sickness as many ‘professionals’ would presume but it is in fact one of my new found ‘Gaming Sicknesses’. The cause is simple, sad yes but simple non-the-less it is in fact a ‘Pokemon Addiction’
Symptoms: This is a fairly easy disorder to find and put a stop to before it goes to far.
Symptom 1: Pokemon pictures or posters all over the wall
Severity: This is only a mild form of Pokitis with a severity level of 3 (in a scale of 1-10, 1 being the highest and 10 being the lowest)
Note: If symptom number 1 is found you are advised to tear all posters/pictures of Pokemon off the walls immediately and replace with various posters of the opposite sex** in no clothes in various arousing positions.
Symptom 2: The infected person(s) has covered his or her gameboy and or N64 with Pokemon transfers.
Severity: This is the second phase of Pokitis and therefore has a severity level of 5
Note: Unlike symptom 1 destroying the infected persons consoles and replacing them with porn is not a good idea as they may uh ‘Hurt’ you no the advisable course of action here is simply to show his/her partner the transfers or failing this to simply buy them some Tomb Raider stickers or even Mario.
Symptom 3: This is the most terrible symptom of this awful disorder it is basically both of the above aswell as sleep talking, nothing strange there right? Well this is not any normal sleep-talking oh no when the victim is asleep he will shout various things such as ‘GO CHARIZARD!’ or ‘NOOOOO PIKACHU’
Severity: This is truly terrible and therefore has a severity level of 10
Note: Unlike the previous two symptoms this is practically incurable if your friend or relative is showing this symptom the advised course of action is ‘Run’
*If Gerrid is seen doing these or any other similar actions ignore it that’s just the way he is he’s not infected.
** In Gerrid or Tibute’s case once again ignore it.
Overall Severity Level: 9
Case 2:
OK so we have all seen people with these little ‘Fingerboards’ right? And we have all seen ‘Skaters’ and I’m also sure a lot of you have thought ‘What on earth inspired those idiots to do that!’ but it’s not their fault Ok so they do it of their own accord but it still isn’t their fault.
Prognosis: This once again is a curable sickness (to a level) it is simply caused by too much playing on ‘Tony Hawks Pro Skater’ and it is advised that it is irradicated immediately
Symptom 1:
The first, Least worrying symptom is just talking like they do. If somebody you know says words like ‘Hip’, ‘Trippin’, ‘ Bangin’’ or ‘Phat’ This is the first sign of ‘Skaters Brain’ and must be stopped.
Severity Level: This is only a mild form it only gets a Level of 3
Note: The best way to stop this is just to tell the infectee what they are doing and buy them a dictionary as a present.
Symptom 2:
When the disorder reaches a certain point the infectee will start more annoying ways of ‘Being a skater’ the second one is ‘Finger boarding’.
Severity Level: Now this is quite serious mainly because of the sadness thus it is getting a level of 7
Note: The best way to stop this is to say to the infected person ‘Can I have a go with that!’ *looking really enthusiastic* then upon being given the Board snap it in half then say ‘Oohps how did that happen and run’
Symptom 3:
This really is a bad sign if the infectee is seen Skate Boarding or even owning a Skate Board you should be really scared.
Severity Level : This is the most severe sign of ‘Skaters Brain’ And therefore gets a level of 10
Note: To get rid of this disorder simply burn the Board *if possible dance around the fire singing ‘Burn baby burn’* of course the friend will be very annoyed at this but just tell him/her its for their own good… Upon regaining consciousness make a reconciliation with friend.
Overall Severity Level: 8
Case 3:
This is the first Physical disorder therefore has different symptoms. Have you ever seen somebody who has very crooked bent in fingers and just dismissed them as having arthritis.
Prognosis: This isn’t some strange muscle disorder or arthritis it is just a case of too much ‘Halo’
Now there are steps to prevent this the first being ‘don’t buy ‘Halo’’ but that’s not gonna happen is it? Ok so there has to be another way and there is just follow these simple steps:
1. Playing for more than 6 hours can be bad for your health so maybe take a break, go for a pee or at least drink some coffee.
2. Warm up and cool down exercises are advised before long playing sessions some actions are: Bending of the fingers or even cracking of fingers. Both will help and especially at the end of long ‘Gaming Binges’
3. After long ‘Gaming Binges’ and your Cool Down exercises it is advised that you soak your fingers in a bowl of warm water.
Overall Severity Level: 6
Case 4:
Ok so we all have our Bond moments right… come on you know what I mean when your all alone and you jump around the corner making a gun shape with your hands and shouting ‘Freeze Asshol*!’ …or maybe not. Anyhow I have found that this is a serious disorder and can get out of control.
Prognosis: This like the others is a curable disorder but should still be treated with extreme caution it is not a totally mental disorder but a ‘Gaming Disorder’ caused by to many or too much Stealth games (Splinter Cell, Metal gear solid e.t.c.)
Symptom 1: The first sign of ‘Secret Agent Syndrome’ is playing for more than 10 straight hours a day on the same game for weeks (A few days is perfectly acceptable of course)
Note: To irradicate this simply show him some different games to add variety to his Gaming Binges.
Severity Level: 3
Symptom 2: The second sign is practising your ‘Stealth’ moves at night (these can vary from splits to hiding in shadows)
Note: To get rid of this just tell him (as this tends to be a male dominated sickness) That these moves can damage his genitalia and risk never having kids again.
Severity Level: 5
Symptom 3: The last symptom is using these new practised moves which in its self can be scary.
Note: This is a fairly irreversible stage and therefore what’s the point in fighting it hey just get him a army leaflet and wish him luck.
Severity Level: 10 as it is unstoppable.
As you can see these disorders are highly disturbing and should be taken very seriously it is in my opinion that the medical board should take this report with their sincerest interest.
Case Closed
Yours Sincerely
R<>K