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I was in retirement since I completed my last mission 3 years ago. I had come across my worst enemy, Mr AfroJoe and he would have evaded my wrath if only he hadn’t tried the fire escape. Luckily his huge Afro got him stuck. But anyway, now I was assigned to the life of luxury. Relaxing on the beach with my current missus, Mystiqual, although my pet name for her was Mystique. We had met 2 weeks ago at the funeral of my fellow agent 00 Quinty. I was never told the official story, all I knew was that he was dead. Mystique never told me why she was there. It didn’t matter though as my life no longer dealt with this. At least this was what I thought until I was approached by a stranger.
He told me to meet his boss in one of the shacks by the swimming pool. It would of helped if he’d been a little more specific. But anyway after having stumbled in on a few too many naked people, most female might I add, I finally found who I was unintentionally looking for. I entered the hut.
“Hi Microchips, nice to see you again”. It was my previous boss from Pen I 5. There he stood looking all meaty with his short black curly hair. This was a man that had said many things to me in many years and in time I had come to consider him a friend but not a special one though, I get the girls you see that’s the way the story should go.
“Nice to see you N” I replied. “It’s NH now I’m afraid although my nickname is Flanders”. ”Umm, fine, what do you what then?” I asked with a puzzled look as to try to convey some sort of ‘Hello, hello, what’s going on here then’ sort of attitude even though I had a bloody good idea of what was coming. “I have a special mission for you Micro”. “I’m retired Flanders” I tried hard to conceal the smirk that was appearing across my face as I thought about that particular nickname. “But this involves how 00 Quinty died. I really would appreciate it if you could do me this one last favour just to put my mind at ease. You know that it’s been an awful long time since you saw me last. So what do you say Chips?” “I’ll think about it. Later NH.” Just because I thought I’d see him later didn’t mean that I would.
Later that night, all I could think about was what NH had proposed to me earlier. Speaking of proposals, maybe I should pop the question to Mystique. It may be too soon but she’s amazing in bed and she doesn’t hassle me for money, that’ a very good thing considering how much I didn’t earn from my hard work with Pen I5. How was I ever going to get to sleep with thoughts of Mystique running through my head. She could be a feisty little minx. I gave up. I snuck out that night to get the biggest diamond ring I could find. Here was going to be two problems though. The first was how would I be able to afford it. I’d come to that one right after problem number two. Where the bloody hell do I find a jewellers open at 2:49am on a Sunday morning? Even with all the gadgets I’d nicked from my previous missions I was left helpless. There was only one place that I’d be able to find one at this time of night and that was of course my very own fantasyland. Lucky for me we all live there so I wasn’t really help less just a little forgetful. I found my jewellers and went in. There I was by a weird looking guy in glasses staring at me. He had the strangest of eyes behind those inch thick lenses and Anne Robinson haircut. “can I have a diamond rind” I asked.
“That’s us, natty rings with natty prices”. I looked at his nametag and it said Natbuc.“All I want is a diamond ring for my girl”. “That’s us, natty rings with natty prices”. With that the manager came out and smashed Natbuc over the head with a guitar. “FEEL THAT JIVE!”. “ Ummm, yeah. I kinda wanna look at diamond rings now please?” “OH YEAH BABY, FEEL THAT JIVE”. With that he pulled out a massive diamond ring. It was so big and I couldn’t wait for the treats Mystique was going to give me for this. We’d be even but my bank balance would resemble Natbuc, uglier than sin and hung lower than the flesh bags were. I studied the ring and thought of all the immoral things it could lead to with what I hoped would be my future wife. I’d be broke but happy and unable to walk for a week. “ I’ll take it” I said. “ OH YEAH! ACTION IN THE BED”
I paid for the ring and headed off home. I didn’t think it was a good idea to hang around with guys like this. However, on the way home I started to get this really bad feeling. I felt like I was being followed. This was not a good thing. I thought it may be in my best interest to run. I really was not in the mood to mess with whoever or whatever it was. I was tired, had a rather expensive ring on me and I just couldn’t remember any of that thing that involved that thing that we did when we learned how to uhh hurt people and stuff from those lessons from that thing, Pen I5.
However, no matter how fast I ran, this shadow kept up with me. I reached my house in safety and entered my house to Mystique lying on our bed. “I got a surprise for you” I said. “Will you marry me?” I said as I pulled out the ring. “The shock on her face was immense. “ I will, I will but first I have to ask you something back”. “Do you want to see my pu$$y?” “Sure” I shouted in excitement.
She pulled down her shorts and then her G-string. “I’m sorry it’s very furry but it hasn’t been cleaned for a while. Will you clean it for me? Wow, this was much more than I was expecting. “ Aren’t you going to stroke it first?” I started to stroke it as light as possible when she had an evil look in her eye. “Well then, till death do us part she yelled at me as her right hand was raised to reveal a white pu$$ycat (well what pu$$y did you think I was on about? :D) which she threw onto my face. With this, she leapt onto my thighs and done some weird form of sit-ups. However both the cat and her crushing method was stealing my breath. I managed 20 seconds before I lost consciousness.
I woke up in a cell wondering why I was alive. Then the door was unlocked to reveal a shadowed guy. “It’s you again, yo..You took me to NH.” I stated. “Yes, my name is shadow and you will see Foreman”. “Who’s Forman? I asked. “The foreman of this prison Duh” he replied. “And by the way, don’t try running as I will catch you”
With this he disappeared into the shadows. I proceeded down the dark, cold corridor until I reached a door. I knocked on the door and was told to come in to meet foreman. “Name yourself” he asked. “The name’s Chips, Micro Chips” I replied. “Ahhh, Mr. Chips. To why do I have the pleasure?” “Why am I here” I asked. You have information we want and we will bruise and batter every single bone in your body until we get it”. “ I have no bones as I am 100% real Cumberland potato and anyway, what information are you on about” I asked. “ We want to launch our nuclear satellite into space but due to budget problems, we can only use the finest frying oil in the land, and you know its location”. “I will never tell you,” I stated. “I don’t expect you to tell, I expect you to fry. Your frying in cheap oil will surely make you reveal the location of the frying oil.” He threatened. I turned and ran out the door as fast as possible back to my cell. There was now nowhere else to go except even further down the corridor. I continued running down the corridor when I realised shadow was following me. I tried to lose him but he stuck to me like…a shadow. I then reached a dead end which nowhere to turn. I was anticipating my fate when I was dragged down into the earth by sharp teeth. What felt like 3 minutes was actually 5 minutes but it was painful enough that my crispy outside was rotting in this dirt. We had reached the surface and I had had 1 of my toes nibbled off by the creature that saved me. “Hi, I’m Badgerman”. “Why did you save me?” I asked. I have been sent to make sure you don’t reveal the location of the frying oil and if it means indigestion then so be it”.
As he finished his sentence a cat leapt out and slashed badgerman’s neck. Then the owner picked it up. “Want to stroke my pu$$y”. I recognized the voice straight away as Mystique. With that, she ripped off her clothes to reveal herself as a catgirl. This I must admit turned me on and I had the choice of letting her hump me to death or fighting back. I opted for a bit of column A and a bit of column B. As I felt myself losing oxygen I grabbed her tail and fed it to the dying Badgerman. He then proceeded to use his last moments on earth helping me out by munching on Mystique and her pu$$y. I wept over her remains and sworn to wear her clip-on ears as a remembrance to her. With this, I proceeded back to Foreman to finish him.
I kicked the door open only to be greeted by an empty office. I sat down at the desk looking for clues when the door slammed shut and the table automatically moved to block the chance of exit. Then Shadow appeared from beyond the door and sworn my death. We started to punch each other in the face and I was leaking mashed potato everywhere but Shadow was receiving no damage. Every time I tried to make a connection, my fist went through him. I ran over to the desk to try and bolt out the door but I couldn’t budge it. I then picked up the lamp and smashed it against the door trying to make a hole in the door. The Shadow grabbed my shoulder so I swung at him with the lamp. As I did this I must of pressed something because the lamp turned on and Shadow scattered. Oh my god, that’s it, I thought. Shadows are vulnerable to the sound of switch flicking. I congratulated my genius idea and then looked for more switches as weapons. I then flicked a particular switch and the bookcase opened to reveal a secret lab. I decided to explore the lab until I came across a huge satellite. “Welcome Mr Chips” said Foreman. “You may have rid of Shadow but it won’t save you”. With that nothing happened. “Where’s mystique to grab you and place you on my torture machine?” he asked. “She died but not before having one last leg squeeze” I laughed. “Ah well, can you just strap yourself to the machine as I am running low on resources” he asked. “Sure” I replied. I then strapped myself to the machine before Foreman tightened them up. “Cheers, I owe you one” he proclaimed. “And now feel the wrath of my power”. He flicked the switch, which caused the machine to move me slowly towards a bowl full of ketchup. I didn’t have long before I would be dunked in daddy’s so I had to react quickly. I then used my trusty clip on cat-ears to slash the straps holding me down. I owe my survival to experience with Mystique’s pu$$y (cat)
Foreman was on his satellite and was rearing to rocket it to space. I quickly got onto the satellite and aimed to stop foreman.
“Why bother when you don’t have the frying oil,” I asked. “I found the location and now pen I 5 will pay for their stupidity,” he stated. “WHAT?” I shouted. He then ripped off his mask to reveal himself as 00 Quinty. “The whole of pen I 5 are bumbling idiots and are holding me back from promotion”. “Can’t argue there” I replied and then we started to fight. Quinty was winning for sure and with 1 minute to launch, there was nothing I could do except try and overload the satellite. The genius that I am, decided to use my secret skill. I flicked the nearest switch and what do you know, the satellite shut down and was on self-destruct mode. Foreman picked up a bar and ran at me full speed when he slipped on the mash that had spilled from my arm and fell into the ketchup below. The place was going to explode and I didn’t have enough time to retreat back through the office. My death was 12 seconds away until a car smashed through the wall in 70’s style. It was NH. “Where have you been for ages?” I asked. (Reference to forums by the way, WHERE IS HE?) “No time for questions, let’s boogie,” he shouted. “Umm, sure”. And with that we were off into the horizon. Later on that night I was wondering about my love life. I thought Microchips always got the girl and then humped her? With that thought in my mind, I pictured Mystique and with the aid of the clip-on cat ears and my right hand, I had my way.
THE END!
MICROCHIPS WILL RETURN IN ‘ A LICENSE TO GRILL’
With that Asher D leaps on screen and starts mixing his decks despite there being a slow song playing in the background.
He told me to meet his boss in one of the shacks by the swimming pool. It would of helped if he’d been a little more specific. But anyway after having stumbled in on a few too many naked people, most female might I add, I finally found who I was unintentionally looking for. I entered the hut.
“Hi Microchips, nice to see you again”. It was my previous boss from Pen I 5. There he stood looking all meaty with his short black curly hair. This was a man that had said many things to me in many years and in time I had come to consider him a friend but not a special one though, I get the girls you see that’s the way the story should go.
“Nice to see you N” I replied. “It’s NH now I’m afraid although my nickname is Flanders”. ”Umm, fine, what do you what then?” I asked with a puzzled look as to try to convey some sort of ‘Hello, hello, what’s going on here then’ sort of attitude even though I had a bloody good idea of what was coming. “I have a special mission for you Micro”. “I’m retired Flanders” I tried hard to conceal the smirk that was appearing across my face as I thought about that particular nickname. “But this involves how 00 Quinty died. I really would appreciate it if you could do me this one last favour just to put my mind at ease. You know that it’s been an awful long time since you saw me last. So what do you say Chips?” “I’ll think about it. Later NH.” Just because I thought I’d see him later didn’t mean that I would.
Later that night, all I could think about was what NH had proposed to me earlier. Speaking of proposals, maybe I should pop the question to Mystique. It may be too soon but she’s amazing in bed and she doesn’t hassle me for money, that’ a very good thing considering how much I didn’t earn from my hard work with Pen I5. How was I ever going to get to sleep with thoughts of Mystique running through my head. She could be a feisty little minx. I gave up. I snuck out that night to get the biggest diamond ring I could find. Here was going to be two problems though. The first was how would I be able to afford it. I’d come to that one right after problem number two. Where the bloody hell do I find a jewellers open at 2:49am on a Sunday morning? Even with all the gadgets I’d nicked from my previous missions I was left helpless. There was only one place that I’d be able to find one at this time of night and that was of course my very own fantasyland. Lucky for me we all live there so I wasn’t really help less just a little forgetful. I found my jewellers and went in. There I was by a weird looking guy in glasses staring at me. He had the strangest of eyes behind those inch thick lenses and Anne Robinson haircut. “can I have a diamond rind” I asked.
“That’s us, natty rings with natty prices”. I looked at his nametag and it said Natbuc.“All I want is a diamond ring for my girl”. “That’s us, natty rings with natty prices”. With that the manager came out and smashed Natbuc over the head with a guitar. “FEEL THAT JIVE!”. “ Ummm, yeah. I kinda wanna look at diamond rings now please?” “OH YEAH BABY, FEEL THAT JIVE”. With that he pulled out a massive diamond ring. It was so big and I couldn’t wait for the treats Mystique was going to give me for this. We’d be even but my bank balance would resemble Natbuc, uglier than sin and hung lower than the flesh bags were. I studied the ring and thought of all the immoral things it could lead to with what I hoped would be my future wife. I’d be broke but happy and unable to walk for a week. “ I’ll take it” I said. “ OH YEAH! ACTION IN THE BED”
I paid for the ring and headed off home. I didn’t think it was a good idea to hang around with guys like this. However, on the way home I started to get this really bad feeling. I felt like I was being followed. This was not a good thing. I thought it may be in my best interest to run. I really was not in the mood to mess with whoever or whatever it was. I was tired, had a rather expensive ring on me and I just couldn’t remember any of that thing that involved that thing that we did when we learned how to uhh hurt people and stuff from those lessons from that thing, Pen I5.
However, no matter how fast I ran, this shadow kept up with me. I reached my house in safety and entered my house to Mystique lying on our bed. “I got a surprise for you” I said. “Will you marry me?” I said as I pulled out the ring. “The shock on her face was immense. “ I will, I will but first I have to ask you something back”. “Do you want to see my pu$$y?” “Sure” I shouted in excitement.
She pulled down her shorts and then her G-string. “I’m sorry it’s very furry but it hasn’t been cleaned for a while. Will you clean it for me? Wow, this was much more than I was expecting. “ Aren’t you going to stroke it first?” I started to stroke it as light as possible when she had an evil look in her eye. “Well then, till death do us part she yelled at me as her right hand was raised to reveal a white pu$$ycat (well what pu$$y did you think I was on about? :D) which she threw onto my face. With this, she leapt onto my thighs and done some weird form of sit-ups. However both the cat and her crushing method was stealing my breath. I managed 20 seconds before I lost consciousness.
I woke up in a cell wondering why I was alive. Then the door was unlocked to reveal a shadowed guy. “It’s you again, yo..You took me to NH.” I stated. “Yes, my name is shadow and you will see Foreman”. “Who’s Forman? I asked. “The foreman of this prison Duh” he replied. “And by the way, don’t try running as I will catch you”
With this he disappeared into the shadows. I proceeded down the dark, cold corridor until I reached a door. I knocked on the door and was told to come in to meet foreman. “Name yourself” he asked. “The name’s Chips, Micro Chips” I replied. “Ahhh, Mr. Chips. To why do I have the pleasure?” “Why am I here” I asked. You have information we want and we will bruise and batter every single bone in your body until we get it”. “ I have no bones as I am 100% real Cumberland potato and anyway, what information are you on about” I asked. “ We want to launch our nuclear satellite into space but due to budget problems, we can only use the finest frying oil in the land, and you know its location”. “I will never tell you,” I stated. “I don’t expect you to tell, I expect you to fry. Your frying in cheap oil will surely make you reveal the location of the frying oil.” He threatened. I turned and ran out the door as fast as possible back to my cell. There was now nowhere else to go except even further down the corridor. I continued running down the corridor when I realised shadow was following me. I tried to lose him but he stuck to me like…a shadow. I then reached a dead end which nowhere to turn. I was anticipating my fate when I was dragged down into the earth by sharp teeth. What felt like 3 minutes was actually 5 minutes but it was painful enough that my crispy outside was rotting in this dirt. We had reached the surface and I had had 1 of my toes nibbled off by the creature that saved me. “Hi, I’m Badgerman”. “Why did you save me?” I asked. I have been sent to make sure you don’t reveal the location of the frying oil and if it means indigestion then so be it”.
As he finished his sentence a cat leapt out and slashed badgerman’s neck. Then the owner picked it up. “Want to stroke my pu$$y”. I recognized the voice straight away as Mystique. With that, she ripped off her clothes to reveal herself as a catgirl. This I must admit turned me on and I had the choice of letting her hump me to death or fighting back. I opted for a bit of column A and a bit of column B. As I felt myself losing oxygen I grabbed her tail and fed it to the dying Badgerman. He then proceeded to use his last moments on earth helping me out by munching on Mystique and her pu$$y. I wept over her remains and sworn to wear her clip-on ears as a remembrance to her. With this, I proceeded back to Foreman to finish him.
I kicked the door open only to be greeted by an empty office. I sat down at the desk looking for clues when the door slammed shut and the table automatically moved to block the chance of exit. Then Shadow appeared from beyond the door and sworn my death. We started to punch each other in the face and I was leaking mashed potato everywhere but Shadow was receiving no damage. Every time I tried to make a connection, my fist went through him. I ran over to the desk to try and bolt out the door but I couldn’t budge it. I then picked up the lamp and smashed it against the door trying to make a hole in the door. The Shadow grabbed my shoulder so I swung at him with the lamp. As I did this I must of pressed something because the lamp turned on and Shadow scattered. Oh my god, that’s it, I thought. Shadows are vulnerable to the sound of switch flicking. I congratulated my genius idea and then looked for more switches as weapons. I then flicked a particular switch and the bookcase opened to reveal a secret lab. I decided to explore the lab until I came across a huge satellite. “Welcome Mr Chips” said Foreman. “You may have rid of Shadow but it won’t save you”. With that nothing happened. “Where’s mystique to grab you and place you on my torture machine?” he asked. “She died but not before having one last leg squeeze” I laughed. “Ah well, can you just strap yourself to the machine as I am running low on resources” he asked. “Sure” I replied. I then strapped myself to the machine before Foreman tightened them up. “Cheers, I owe you one” he proclaimed. “And now feel the wrath of my power”. He flicked the switch, which caused the machine to move me slowly towards a bowl full of ketchup. I didn’t have long before I would be dunked in daddy’s so I had to react quickly. I then used my trusty clip on cat-ears to slash the straps holding me down. I owe my survival to experience with Mystique’s pu$$y (cat)
Foreman was on his satellite and was rearing to rocket it to space. I quickly got onto the satellite and aimed to stop foreman.
“Why bother when you don’t have the frying oil,” I asked. “I found the location and now pen I 5 will pay for their stupidity,” he stated. “WHAT?” I shouted. He then ripped off his mask to reveal himself as 00 Quinty. “The whole of pen I 5 are bumbling idiots and are holding me back from promotion”. “Can’t argue there” I replied and then we started to fight. Quinty was winning for sure and with 1 minute to launch, there was nothing I could do except try and overload the satellite. The genius that I am, decided to use my secret skill. I flicked the nearest switch and what do you know, the satellite shut down and was on self-destruct mode. Foreman picked up a bar and ran at me full speed when he slipped on the mash that had spilled from my arm and fell into the ketchup below. The place was going to explode and I didn’t have enough time to retreat back through the office. My death was 12 seconds away until a car smashed through the wall in 70’s style. It was NH. “Where have you been for ages?” I asked. (Reference to forums by the way, WHERE IS HE?) “No time for questions, let’s boogie,” he shouted. “Umm, sure”. And with that we were off into the horizon. Later on that night I was wondering about my love life. I thought Microchips always got the girl and then humped her? With that thought in my mind, I pictured Mystique and with the aid of the clip-on cat ears and my right hand, I had my way.
THE END!
MICROCHIPS WILL RETURN IN ‘ A LICENSE TO GRILL’
With that Asher D leaps on screen and starts mixing his decks despite there being a slow song playing in the background.
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*pop*
Very Funny Chips! Very Funny!
Yay! After all these spoofs, I finally get to be the Main character! :D And what a good spoof it was too.
:D
:D
Well my mother says that the player's didn't understand the genius of Geoff Chapple.
DW wrote:
> Southport 5-2 Woking
You know that was meant to be 5-1 and not 5-2.
> Southport 5-2 Woking
You know that was meant to be 5-1 and not 5-2.
Woking 1-5 Margate
Morecombe 5-0 Woking
Yeovil 4-0 Woking
Woking 1-5 Stevenage Borough
Southport 5-2 Woking
Have to rub it in, heh.
Morecombe 5-0 Woking
Yeovil 4-0 Woking
Woking 1-5 Stevenage Borough
Southport 5-2 Woking
Have to rub it in, heh.
And Chertsey Town have two games in hand over us. Damn damn. Spamming over...
HaHa!!!
Oh, and no offence to you Mandy.
Ashford Town (Middx) 1 v 1 Epsom And Ewell
Still 23rd in the league. 2 points off the foot of the Ryman Division One South. Meh.
Ashford Town (Middx) 1 v 1 Epsom And Ewell
Still 23rd in the league. 2 points off the foot of the Ryman Division One South. Meh.
http://stats.football365.com/dom/ENG/FC/sepres.html
Again, so big scorelines.
Woking 1-5 Margate
Morecombe 5-0 Woking
Yeovil 4-0 Woking
Woking 1-5 Stevenage Borough
WHOOOOOOOOO Proof.
That 5 very big defeats in two months!
Again, so big scorelines.
Woking 1-5 Margate
Morecombe 5-0 Woking
Yeovil 4-0 Woking
Woking 1-5 Stevenage Borough
WHOOOOOOOOO Proof.
That 5 very big defeats in two months!
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