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i am going to post jokes and if you have any even if they are very bad post them :)
My first joke is......
The dog called sex
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Same here!"
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I can't live any longer being so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so go get yourself a dog."
My first joke is......
The dog called sex
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Same here!"
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I can't live any longer being so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so go get yourself a dog."
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Smercules, I voted for you in this new GAD thingy. If you wanna get another vote from someone else, I suggest you stop spamming and tell me your MSN addy if you have one!
umm i get this from Yahoo! :
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Your login session has expired. Re-login. Why does my session expire?
Login sessions expire for two reasons.
For your security, your Yahoo! Mail session expires a maximum of eight hours after you have logged in. If you have chosen in your Yahoo! User Information to be prompted for a password more frequently than every eight hours, your session will expire after the specified amount of time.
If you do not accept the cookies set on login or your computer is not configured to accept cookies, your session will expire almost immediately. We use cookies (small pieces of site information) to assist us in user authentication and in saving configuration information. Cookies are required for Yahoo! Mail.
If you see this message immediately after logging in, you should check the following:
Check to see that your computer system time is accurate. Cookies are time sensitive and may not work if your computer date is incorrect by a large amount.
Make sure that your browser is configured to accept cookies or that you agree to accept cookies during the login process.
Turn off any third party programs or control panels that automatically reject cookies.
Privacy Policy - Terms of Service - Guidelines
Copyright © 1994-2002 Yahoo! Inc. All rights reserved.
HálloHowArtThou wrote:
> shut up.
>
> all of you.
Sorry, hey go to http://uk.geocities.com/smercules2003/Smile.html this will make you happy, then click on the Smile!!! link and open it.
> shut up.
>
> all of you.
Sorry, hey go to http://uk.geocities.com/smercules2003/Smile.html this will make you happy, then click on the Smile!!! link and open it.
shut up.
all of you.
all of you.
Sorry. I couldn't resist :)
stop this cancer... :)
He didn't get those from twistedhumor.com *wink* *wink* *mudge* *nudge*.
Now your starting to get somewhere.
:-)
:-)
heres another
What NOT To Say To A Police Officer!
1. Sure I'll get my license, but can you hold my beer?
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in..
3. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed.....have you been eating doughnuts?"
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay good, just so one of us does..
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer..
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. I was just trying to keep up with traffic... Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are!
What NOT To Say To A Police Officer!
1. Sure I'll get my license, but can you hold my beer?
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in..
3. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed.....have you been eating doughnuts?"
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay good, just so one of us does..
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer..
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. I was just trying to keep up with traffic... Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are!
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