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"It's no fun being an XBOX"

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Tue 26/11/02 at 15:08
Regular
Posts: 787
Poor XBOX. If you're reading this, you've probably had a go on one...chances are you know an owner, if you're not one yourself...but the thing you're most likely to have done is made fun of it at some point. I mean come on, look at it! It's ridiculous! It's big, and heavy, and green, and Microsoft made it! Hahaha! Let's all tease the stupid XBOX! Well, you may not think twice about it, but calling an XBOX all these names is actually very harmful. Imagine sitting in an orphanage, like a piece of meat on the rack. People come up, poke you, smell you, ask what you come with, and what clothes you have. Even though you're the cleverest, prettiest and most reasonable thing kid in the orphanage, even though you come with two very nice shirts absolutely free, everybody still teases you. You get maybe one or two people seriously considering taking you home a week.

"Hey, look at THAT console!" they say, in their harsh mocking tones. They discriminate. They call it fat, when really it's to hold more circuitry. There's more console to love. But no, they don't think like that. They think like sharks, looking for a new weakness to exploit in order to finally taste blood. They racially abuse it, making fun of the green blob that identifies it's heritage. They make fun of Microsoft, it's family. It's OK for everybody to laugh and joke and point at the XBOX, it's from Bill Gates! You don't need to take its feeling into consideration, because it's a PC in a box! Do you not realise how stupid that statement is? That's like saying a boy is a girl in a boy's body, just because they have a female cousin. But it doesn't matter, not really, because at the end of it it's just the XBOX. Everyone's punching bag. Which is funny really, because if you punch it, it really bloody hurts your knuckles.

Have you ever actually sat down and really played an XBOX? I don't mean round a mate's for a half hour on Halo multiplayer, or five minutes trying Amped in the local Game. I mean, really PLAYED one. It's fine to stand and say what you like about a poor, defenceless console, especially when you haven't actually tried it. Well deep down, underneath that oft-ridiculed exterior, there's a great console to be had. There's Halo, and there's Jet Set Radio, and there's Shenmue, and lots and lots of other great games. There's XBOX Live, there's the Steel Battalion controller. If you weren't all so small-minded and prejudiced, you'd learn to love the XBOX, but no...no, you have to be cool and have a PS2 and pretend to be big and violent with GTA. Maybe you're a "true gamer" and only buy Nintendo because being a fat moustachio-ed plumber is so fun. Well, really it's irrelevant, as you all make fun of the XBOX.

Ever thought about the consequences? When you leave the store, when the name-calling and the girlish giggling has ceased, when the lights go out and the boxes sit in the black darkness, all alone with nobody to love them and play them and enjoy them? What happens then? I'll tell you what. They cry. At night, every single XBOX that isn't reasonably active cries itsself to sleep. Crying not always for themselves, for the names THEY've been called, the things THEY've been subjected to...sometimes crying for XBOXes everywhere. They sit and they sob for hours, because nobody will love them. Nobody can get over the man-sized controller, everyone's scared by the raw power, intimidated by the statistics and numbers. So what if the XBOX is big and powerful? So what if it's better than the PS2 or Gamecube hardware? Does it go around laughing at THEM? No. They all have owners. Even the purple Gamecubes have owners.

It's a sad thing when a console dies before it's fifth birthday. There are cot-deaths, but they are always rare. However, to have something so great as the Dreamcast pass on at such an early age, and then have the XBOX mercilessly bullied before it's a year old is truly crushing. So next time you go to the shop, or go round a friend's house and see an XBOX, think twice before making a snide comment, or witty one-liner. Consoles have feelings too. Next time you see an XBOX, I hope you see a small dried tear in the corner of its eye...and I hope you feel guilty, and buy it. You won't regret it, and it'll be one less lost soul to cry to sleep for.

Thanks for reading.

-El Blokey
Wed 27/11/02 at 20:14
Regular
"Must be Parkinson's"
Posts: 1,471
Are you telling me that france is a console? Don't confuddle me, it sickens me.
Wed 27/11/02 at 19:38
"cheerios"
Posts: 842
yeah... :S
Wed 27/11/02 at 18:49
Regular
"no longer El Blokey"
Posts: 4,471
It's like France. Lovely place, spoiled by the owners. Inhabitants. Bad analogy. Because the XBOX isn't a place. Well, whatever.
Wed 27/11/02 at 16:49
Regular
Posts: 21,800
gamezfreak wrote:
> How lame....
>
> Ooo lets wait for the: -
>
> "Its wrong owning a Gamecube" posts next....

You didn't actually read the post did you?

More evidence that Xbox owners are stupidly paranoid and can't take any form of criticism...even if it's not actually criticism.
Wed 27/11/02 at 16:46
Regular
"no longer El Blokey"
Posts: 4,471
Pop. Again.

:-\

Anyone recieved the new Next Directory? It's a hardback, for chrissakes.
Tue 26/11/02 at 20:19
Regular
"Must be Parkinson's"
Posts: 1,471
Did you not notice any sarcasm in the post?
Tue 26/11/02 at 19:58
Regular
Posts: 10,364
How lame....

Ooo lets wait for the: -

"Its wrong owning a Gamecube" posts next....
Tue 26/11/02 at 19:56
Regular
"Must be Parkinson's"
Posts: 1,471
Well mr GAD, expecting to win a GAD for this? You greedy loser. You just want SR to think that you're promoting X-box for people to buy, but i see through you, you, you bad man.
Tue 26/11/02 at 18:13
Regular
"no longer El Blokey"
Posts: 4,471
It's no fun being one of my topics, either.
Tue 26/11/02 at 15:08
Regular
"no longer El Blokey"
Posts: 4,471
Poor XBOX. If you're reading this, you've probably had a go on one...chances are you know an owner, if you're not one yourself...but the thing you're most likely to have done is made fun of it at some point. I mean come on, look at it! It's ridiculous! It's big, and heavy, and green, and Microsoft made it! Hahaha! Let's all tease the stupid XBOX! Well, you may not think twice about it, but calling an XBOX all these names is actually very harmful. Imagine sitting in an orphanage, like a piece of meat on the rack. People come up, poke you, smell you, ask what you come with, and what clothes you have. Even though you're the cleverest, prettiest and most reasonable thing kid in the orphanage, even though you come with two very nice shirts absolutely free, everybody still teases you. You get maybe one or two people seriously considering taking you home a week.

"Hey, look at THAT console!" they say, in their harsh mocking tones. They discriminate. They call it fat, when really it's to hold more circuitry. There's more console to love. But no, they don't think like that. They think like sharks, looking for a new weakness to exploit in order to finally taste blood. They racially abuse it, making fun of the green blob that identifies it's heritage. They make fun of Microsoft, it's family. It's OK for everybody to laugh and joke and point at the XBOX, it's from Bill Gates! You don't need to take its feeling into consideration, because it's a PC in a box! Do you not realise how stupid that statement is? That's like saying a boy is a girl in a boy's body, just because they have a female cousin. But it doesn't matter, not really, because at the end of it it's just the XBOX. Everyone's punching bag. Which is funny really, because if you punch it, it really bloody hurts your knuckles.

Have you ever actually sat down and really played an XBOX? I don't mean round a mate's for a half hour on Halo multiplayer, or five minutes trying Amped in the local Game. I mean, really PLAYED one. It's fine to stand and say what you like about a poor, defenceless console, especially when you haven't actually tried it. Well deep down, underneath that oft-ridiculed exterior, there's a great console to be had. There's Halo, and there's Jet Set Radio, and there's Shenmue, and lots and lots of other great games. There's XBOX Live, there's the Steel Battalion controller. If you weren't all so small-minded and prejudiced, you'd learn to love the XBOX, but no...no, you have to be cool and have a PS2 and pretend to be big and violent with GTA. Maybe you're a "true gamer" and only buy Nintendo because being a fat moustachio-ed plumber is so fun. Well, really it's irrelevant, as you all make fun of the XBOX.

Ever thought about the consequences? When you leave the store, when the name-calling and the girlish giggling has ceased, when the lights go out and the boxes sit in the black darkness, all alone with nobody to love them and play them and enjoy them? What happens then? I'll tell you what. They cry. At night, every single XBOX that isn't reasonably active cries itsself to sleep. Crying not always for themselves, for the names THEY've been called, the things THEY've been subjected to...sometimes crying for XBOXes everywhere. They sit and they sob for hours, because nobody will love them. Nobody can get over the man-sized controller, everyone's scared by the raw power, intimidated by the statistics and numbers. So what if the XBOX is big and powerful? So what if it's better than the PS2 or Gamecube hardware? Does it go around laughing at THEM? No. They all have owners. Even the purple Gamecubes have owners.

It's a sad thing when a console dies before it's fifth birthday. There are cot-deaths, but they are always rare. However, to have something so great as the Dreamcast pass on at such an early age, and then have the XBOX mercilessly bullied before it's a year old is truly crushing. So next time you go to the shop, or go round a friend's house and see an XBOX, think twice before making a snide comment, or witty one-liner. Consoles have feelings too. Next time you see an XBOX, I hope you see a small dried tear in the corner of its eye...and I hope you feel guilty, and buy it. You won't regret it, and it'll be one less lost soul to cry to sleep for.

Thanks for reading.

-El Blokey

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