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Ok so you are an idiot and you want to begin to enjoy the wonderful world of gaming, but where to start. The following may be of use so stay awake and take in as much as you can, read it again if you miss out on important areas.
Getting started
Ok you will need the following to get started
a console with controllers and required leads and wires.
A television that works
Suitable games
Choosing a console?
Choosing a console could be tricky, buy the wrong one and your friends (if you have any will mock you and make you cry) Here is a guide to deciding which is for you.
XBox
Its big, chunky and heavy to lift so if you are small and weedy you may be better suited to the GameCube (see below).
It is very powerful and made by Microsoft, it is the most expensive so if daddy spoils you rotten or you have a better job than most then spend away and get some beefcake bloke to carry it into your house and set it up for you.
PS2
Looks stylish and sleek, the fist console to be released bearing the "Next generation" title so there are a lot of games already available but there is a lack of the so called kiddie games.
Gamecube
It is small, cube shaped and quite light, ideal for the weedy idiots out there. Made by Nintendo so all your kiddie favourites should appear. So if you like yours small and easy to handle this could be the little box of tricks for you.
Deciding on the games for you.
Here you have to think, may be hard for some but worth all the effort in the long run. There are a number of genres (types of games if you don't know that word) from beat-em ups to strategy to puzzle solving to sports.
It is now you must decide what kind of games you feel you will enjoy. Magazines such as Idiot Gamer will provide you with up to date information on all new releases ideal for the idiots out there.
Multiplayers
These are games that require other people like yourself to play. Try find someone who is more of an idiot than yourself so that you can beat them then mock them and treat them like a girl.
** To mock someone you should dance around the room shouting "I won, I won, you suck and I rule!"
Be warned they may become violent so ensure they are even more weedy than yourself for the ultimate multiplayer experience.
Console Wars
It isn't actualy a war, people don't really hate you because of the console you own, in fact as you are a gamer they will love you and all you have to offer. Be warned though, if you mock their console they may also become violent so the same weedy rules apply as above.
That is all for now. Be on the look out for next issue informing the idiots out there of more up to date and in depth information for Idiots gaming.
Getting started
Ok you will need the following to get started
a console with controllers and required leads and wires.
A television that works
Suitable games
Choosing a console?
Choosing a console could be tricky, buy the wrong one and your friends (if you have any will mock you and make you cry) Here is a guide to deciding which is for you.
XBox
Its big, chunky and heavy to lift so if you are small and weedy you may be better suited to the GameCube (see below).
It is very powerful and made by Microsoft, it is the most expensive so if daddy spoils you rotten or you have a better job than most then spend away and get some beefcake bloke to carry it into your house and set it up for you.
PS2
Looks stylish and sleek, the fist console to be released bearing the "Next generation" title so there are a lot of games already available but there is a lack of the so called kiddie games.
Gamecube
It is small, cube shaped and quite light, ideal for the weedy idiots out there. Made by Nintendo so all your kiddie favourites should appear. So if you like yours small and easy to handle this could be the little box of tricks for you.
Deciding on the games for you.
Here you have to think, may be hard for some but worth all the effort in the long run. There are a number of genres (types of games if you don't know that word) from beat-em ups to strategy to puzzle solving to sports.
It is now you must decide what kind of games you feel you will enjoy. Magazines such as Idiot Gamer will provide you with up to date information on all new releases ideal for the idiots out there.
Multiplayers
These are games that require other people like yourself to play. Try find someone who is more of an idiot than yourself so that you can beat them then mock them and treat them like a girl.
** To mock someone you should dance around the room shouting "I won, I won, you suck and I rule!"
Be warned they may become violent so ensure they are even more weedy than yourself for the ultimate multiplayer experience.
Console Wars
It isn't actualy a war, people don't really hate you because of the console you own, in fact as you are a gamer they will love you and all you have to offer. Be warned though, if you mock their console they may also become violent so the same weedy rules apply as above.
That is all for now. Be on the look out for next issue informing the idiots out there of more up to date and in depth information for Idiots gaming.
Retro
Retro games or classic games are games that have had there time in the spotlight and were very good games of their time. If you have just started gaming you should check out some of the old games like pong, space invaders and the original mario world. There are also many more games that you should try play at least once in your life. Information can be found in various places as to the best games ever.
Damage to your console
If you are an idiot then it may be very easy for you to damage your console. Here are some of the common ways idiots break their consoles, do not do any of these.
1.You can not play your console in the bath.
2.Your console does not need to eat or drink.
3.Your console as much as you may love it is not real and does not take part in any physical games, such as sports or the more dirty activities.
4.If your console does not work do not attempt to fix it yourself, no they are not made with lego.
5. Do not throw your console at the wall if you do not win while playing a game.
6. Trying to open the cd drive is best done with the eject button and not a hammer.
7. After a few hours of play your console may get a little to hot to touch, do not put it into a fridge or freezer and don't pour water on it.
8.Each cable fits into a special slot, there is no drilling needed.
Retro games or classic games are games that have had there time in the spotlight and were very good games of their time. If you have just started gaming you should check out some of the old games like pong, space invaders and the original mario world. There are also many more games that you should try play at least once in your life. Information can be found in various places as to the best games ever.
Damage to your console
If you are an idiot then it may be very easy for you to damage your console. Here are some of the common ways idiots break their consoles, do not do any of these.
1.You can not play your console in the bath.
2.Your console does not need to eat or drink.
3.Your console as much as you may love it is not real and does not take part in any physical games, such as sports or the more dirty activities.
4.If your console does not work do not attempt to fix it yourself, no they are not made with lego.
5. Do not throw your console at the wall if you do not win while playing a game.
6. Trying to open the cd drive is best done with the eject button and not a hammer.
7. After a few hours of play your console may get a little to hot to touch, do not put it into a fridge or freezer and don't pour water on it.
8.Each cable fits into a special slot, there is no drilling needed.
Reading the manual
Each game comes with a manual which is a book telling you exactly how to play the game. To read it do as you are doing now, follow the words from left to right and continue down the page until you are done. It is then time to switch on the console to begin playing the game.
Switching on the console
Firstly plug it in, and press the switch on the wall. Now press the on button on the console, should be clearly marked. If it dosn't go on then you should seek assistance from a non-idiot member of society.
** please note The phoning of emergency services is not advised although they may help they may also get very mad and hurt you in some physical way.
After switching it on you should check if a disk is present and if the tray is empty then you should insert a disk and load your game.
Asking someone to play multiplayer
Asking a friend is easy, either to their face or on the phone you could say "Would you like to play on my ?" But if you have no friends this could be tricky, we advise either asking someone around your own age, you may wish to advertise in Idiot gamer magazine or your loacal paper. Again we do not recomend you phone the emergency services to ask them as you will go to jail and you can't play games there (well you can now but it isn't very nice)
Losing
If you loose a game then don't give up and don't go crazy. Practice makes you better and if you try hard it will pay off. In a multiplayer game don't get annoyed if you loose and your oponent mocks you. Striking them with a control pad (only if they are weddy compared to you) will make them stop. You will get an amazing feeling when you succeed.
Once you have finished playing a game do not throw it away or break it, place it back in its box and place it safely beside your console. You will play them again at a later stage.
Each game comes with a manual which is a book telling you exactly how to play the game. To read it do as you are doing now, follow the words from left to right and continue down the page until you are done. It is then time to switch on the console to begin playing the game.
Switching on the console
Firstly plug it in, and press the switch on the wall. Now press the on button on the console, should be clearly marked. If it dosn't go on then you should seek assistance from a non-idiot member of society.
** please note The phoning of emergency services is not advised although they may help they may also get very mad and hurt you in some physical way.
After switching it on you should check if a disk is present and if the tray is empty then you should insert a disk and load your game.
Asking someone to play multiplayer
Asking a friend is easy, either to their face or on the phone you could say "Would you like to play
Losing
If you loose a game then don't give up and don't go crazy. Practice makes you better and if you try hard it will pay off. In a multiplayer game don't get annoyed if you loose and your oponent mocks you. Striking them with a control pad (only if they are weddy compared to you) will make them stop. You will get an amazing feeling when you succeed.
Once you have finished playing a game do not throw it away or break it, place it back in its box and place it safely beside your console. You will play them again at a later stage.
LOL!
That was great!
I can't wait for the next issue. :D
That was great!
I can't wait for the next issue. :D
Ok so you are an idiot and you want to begin to enjoy the wonderful world of gaming, but where to start. The following may be of use so stay awake and take in as much as you can, read it again if you miss out on important areas.
Getting started
Ok you will need the following to get started
a console with controllers and required leads and wires.
A television that works
Suitable games
Choosing a console?
Choosing a console could be tricky, buy the wrong one and your friends (if you have any will mock you and make you cry) Here is a guide to deciding which is for you.
XBox
Its big, chunky and heavy to lift so if you are small and weedy you may be better suited to the GameCube (see below).
It is very powerful and made by Microsoft, it is the most expensive so if daddy spoils you rotten or you have a better job than most then spend away and get some beefcake bloke to carry it into your house and set it up for you.
PS2
Looks stylish and sleek, the fist console to be released bearing the "Next generation" title so there are a lot of games already available but there is a lack of the so called kiddie games.
Gamecube
It is small, cube shaped and quite light, ideal for the weedy idiots out there. Made by Nintendo so all your kiddie favourites should appear. So if you like yours small and easy to handle this could be the little box of tricks for you.
Deciding on the games for you.
Here you have to think, may be hard for some but worth all the effort in the long run. There are a number of genres (types of games if you don't know that word) from beat-em ups to strategy to puzzle solving to sports.
It is now you must decide what kind of games you feel you will enjoy. Magazines such as Idiot Gamer will provide you with up to date information on all new releases ideal for the idiots out there.
Multiplayers
These are games that require other people like yourself to play. Try find someone who is more of an idiot than yourself so that you can beat them then mock them and treat them like a girl.
** To mock someone you should dance around the room shouting "I won, I won, you suck and I rule!"
Be warned they may become violent so ensure they are even more weedy than yourself for the ultimate multiplayer experience.
Console Wars
It isn't actualy a war, people don't really hate you because of the console you own, in fact as you are a gamer they will love you and all you have to offer. Be warned though, if you mock their console they may also become violent so the same weedy rules apply as above.
That is all for now. Be on the look out for next issue informing the idiots out there of more up to date and in depth information for Idiots gaming.
Getting started
Ok you will need the following to get started
a console with controllers and required leads and wires.
A television that works
Suitable games
Choosing a console?
Choosing a console could be tricky, buy the wrong one and your friends (if you have any will mock you and make you cry) Here is a guide to deciding which is for you.
XBox
Its big, chunky and heavy to lift so if you are small and weedy you may be better suited to the GameCube (see below).
It is very powerful and made by Microsoft, it is the most expensive so if daddy spoils you rotten or you have a better job than most then spend away and get some beefcake bloke to carry it into your house and set it up for you.
PS2
Looks stylish and sleek, the fist console to be released bearing the "Next generation" title so there are a lot of games already available but there is a lack of the so called kiddie games.
Gamecube
It is small, cube shaped and quite light, ideal for the weedy idiots out there. Made by Nintendo so all your kiddie favourites should appear. So if you like yours small and easy to handle this could be the little box of tricks for you.
Deciding on the games for you.
Here you have to think, may be hard for some but worth all the effort in the long run. There are a number of genres (types of games if you don't know that word) from beat-em ups to strategy to puzzle solving to sports.
It is now you must decide what kind of games you feel you will enjoy. Magazines such as Idiot Gamer will provide you with up to date information on all new releases ideal for the idiots out there.
Multiplayers
These are games that require other people like yourself to play. Try find someone who is more of an idiot than yourself so that you can beat them then mock them and treat them like a girl.
** To mock someone you should dance around the room shouting "I won, I won, you suck and I rule!"
Be warned they may become violent so ensure they are even more weedy than yourself for the ultimate multiplayer experience.
Console Wars
It isn't actualy a war, people don't really hate you because of the console you own, in fact as you are a gamer they will love you and all you have to offer. Be warned though, if you mock their console they may also become violent so the same weedy rules apply as above.
That is all for now. Be on the look out for next issue informing the idiots out there of more up to date and in depth information for Idiots gaming.