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Below, the word 'boobies' is mentioned several times. You may think it's childish, so if you do, rather than reply moaning just don't read on. You have been warned.
--------- ---------- ---------
One year ago El Blokey was let into a special meeting of the creators of Dead or Alive. He never came out of the meeting. Several months later, his footage was found. This is the story of DOA:Beach Volleyball.
*it's somewhere deep in the heart of Japan. Four men with scarily greasy hair are sat round a table, staring at something, open mouthed. One of them has a small droplet of spittle ready to drip down, onto his lap, but he doesn't seem to care. The camera pans round to show that gratuitous 'swimming with dolphins whilst leaning over a lot' FMV sequence is playing on the big widescreen TV. The unseen cameraman coughs, and the men suddenly turn round to face the camera.*
Man 1: Ah yes. Hello there! We are the men that created the XBOX's greatest boobies, DOA3.
Man 2: Dude, you did it again!
Man 1: What? What'd I do?
Man 3: You said boobies instead of beat-em-up.
Man 1: Oh. Boobies. Uh...sorry. Anyway, we're here to think up a new game. The Gamecube has that foxy lady Samus...
Cameraman: She's in a huge suit, you can barely see her face...
Man 1: Yeah, but...PHWOAR! What a suit! Anyway, Nintendo have Samus, and the Playstation has Lara Croft. What does the XBOX have? Master Chief.
Cameraman: Who's not that much unlike Samus.
Man 1: Look, shut up.
Man 2: Basically, Bill Gates gave us all a sackful of money to make a new game. And the sack was made of gold. And it was as big as this TV *he gestures to the beast of a widescreen, which encompasses almost a whole wall* but that's enough about how we got big fat huge golden sacks full of money. We're here to talk about what really matters - boobies.
Man 1: Now you're doing it!
Man 2: No, I actually meant boobies. Even Acclaim are putting porn in games. I mean, they have it all! Ride a bike around, look at topless chicks...how will we compete with that? See this is why Bill gave us big fat huge golden sacks full of money.
Man 4: Well, think about it. We already have some big-breasted women. All we need is an excuse for them to do a lot of bouncing around. Think people, THINK!
*there's a long pause as everybody looks very thoughtful.*
Man 3: How about a beat-em-up?
*everyone sighs, and thinks again. Meanwhile, the camera moves over to the TV, and a hand reaches out and flicks through the channels. It settles on a volleyball game.*
Cameraman: That's the stuff...ooh yeah...
*everyone looks at the TV, and then looks back at their co-workers. Then back at the TV. This goes on for around eight minutes before somebody remembers they have to say the plan.*
Man 1: How about...boobies!
Man 2: Can't you do anything? Look, let's try that again...
*everyone looks deep in thought*
Man 1: How about...
Man 2: *interrupting* yes, a volleyball game sounds great! It has it all - bikinis, bouncing, leaning over, nets...
*meanwhile, the cameraman turns back to the volleyball, zooming in to a particular female competitor. The voices continue off camera.*
Man 4: A volleyball game? Genius! It's tennis without the silly rackets but WITH the tight shorts! It's women wearing very little clothes, and they have to jump up in the air!
Man 3: Yes, and it can't be that hard to programme some sand. We can just use the wrestling cage from DOA3, and change all the colours to brown!
Man 1: But there is one vital question, on which this game's success rides...
*everyone goes quiet, except for the cameraman who is grunting. He then slowly figures out there's supposed to be tension, and he switches off the TV, gradually panning round to the four men sitting down.*
Man 1: Will we be able to play it one-handed?
Man 4: Why would you need to play one-handed? Why can't you use your other ha...oh. Oh...oh. Oh.
Man 2: So, we have our game. What should we call it?
Man 3: What about: Dead or Alive Volleyball!
Man 1: Too plain. We want people to know this is the boobiest, boobiest and most importantly, boobiest game on the XBOOBS!
Man 2: What about...Dead or Alive Xtreme Volleyball?
All: Yes!
Cameraman: What's 'xtreme' about volleyball?
Man 2: *ignoring Cameraman* we could go the whole hog, get authentic music. I'm thinking Beach Boys!
Man 1: I'm thinking boobies!
Man 3: You're always thinking boobies. How about we let people use nail varnish in a game. I've always wanted to use nail varnish!
*everyone looks at Man 3*
Man 3: ...in a game. I meant in a game.
Man 4: And we could give the girlies presents, like hats, and they could wear them in the games to show how they love us and want to hold our hands and kiss us in the beach-house.
Man 1: Why, yes! That's brilliant! In fact, why bother playing volleyball at all! Why not have the game 20% volleyball? We can use the rest to give girls presents, put on nail varnish...even save super-zoomed-in-slow-motion replays to the hard drive!
Man 3: It'll be the greatest game ever!
Cameraman: You're not serious, right? A game called 'Xtreme Volleyball', that doesn't even have that much volleyball in? It's just full of girls, THAT AREN'T REAL AND HAVE PURPLE HAIR, for sad greasy pervs to perv over like pervy pervs?
All: ...well, yes.
Cameraman: Nobody'll buy it, you're crazy.
Man 1: Oh really?
Cameraman: You won't sell a thing. You'll be finished!
*the camera begins to shake wildly*
Man 4: So, you don't like our idea?
Man 3: You think we're...silly?
Cameraman: Silly? You're complete morons! The big fat huge golden sacks full of money have turned you all insane!
Man 1: I'm sorry mister, I'm afraid I can't let you boobies. I meant do that. I can't let you do that.
Man 2: Drop the camera.
Man 4: DROP IT!
*the camera shakes violently, before falling to the floor, on its side and staring at a potted plant made of gold. We hear shouting in Japanese, and then the cameraman comes into shot, facing the wall. The picture goes blank.*
--------- ------------ ------------
Thanks for reading that, assuming you did.
As you can tell, Blair Witch inspired. Felt like something different. Thoughts?
--------- ---------- ---------
One year ago El Blokey was let into a special meeting of the creators of Dead or Alive. He never came out of the meeting. Several months later, his footage was found. This is the story of DOA:Beach Volleyball.
*it's somewhere deep in the heart of Japan. Four men with scarily greasy hair are sat round a table, staring at something, open mouthed. One of them has a small droplet of spittle ready to drip down, onto his lap, but he doesn't seem to care. The camera pans round to show that gratuitous 'swimming with dolphins whilst leaning over a lot' FMV sequence is playing on the big widescreen TV. The unseen cameraman coughs, and the men suddenly turn round to face the camera.*
Man 1: Ah yes. Hello there! We are the men that created the XBOX's greatest boobies, DOA3.
Man 2: Dude, you did it again!
Man 1: What? What'd I do?
Man 3: You said boobies instead of beat-em-up.
Man 1: Oh. Boobies. Uh...sorry. Anyway, we're here to think up a new game. The Gamecube has that foxy lady Samus...
Cameraman: She's in a huge suit, you can barely see her face...
Man 1: Yeah, but...PHWOAR! What a suit! Anyway, Nintendo have Samus, and the Playstation has Lara Croft. What does the XBOX have? Master Chief.
Cameraman: Who's not that much unlike Samus.
Man 1: Look, shut up.
Man 2: Basically, Bill Gates gave us all a sackful of money to make a new game. And the sack was made of gold. And it was as big as this TV *he gestures to the beast of a widescreen, which encompasses almost a whole wall* but that's enough about how we got big fat huge golden sacks full of money. We're here to talk about what really matters - boobies.
Man 1: Now you're doing it!
Man 2: No, I actually meant boobies. Even Acclaim are putting porn in games. I mean, they have it all! Ride a bike around, look at topless chicks...how will we compete with that? See this is why Bill gave us big fat huge golden sacks full of money.
Man 4: Well, think about it. We already have some big-breasted women. All we need is an excuse for them to do a lot of bouncing around. Think people, THINK!
*there's a long pause as everybody looks very thoughtful.*
Man 3: How about a beat-em-up?
*everyone sighs, and thinks again. Meanwhile, the camera moves over to the TV, and a hand reaches out and flicks through the channels. It settles on a volleyball game.*
Cameraman: That's the stuff...ooh yeah...
*everyone looks at the TV, and then looks back at their co-workers. Then back at the TV. This goes on for around eight minutes before somebody remembers they have to say the plan.*
Man 1: How about...boobies!
Man 2: Can't you do anything? Look, let's try that again...
*everyone looks deep in thought*
Man 1: How about...
Man 2: *interrupting* yes, a volleyball game sounds great! It has it all - bikinis, bouncing, leaning over, nets...
*meanwhile, the cameraman turns back to the volleyball, zooming in to a particular female competitor. The voices continue off camera.*
Man 4: A volleyball game? Genius! It's tennis without the silly rackets but WITH the tight shorts! It's women wearing very little clothes, and they have to jump up in the air!
Man 3: Yes, and it can't be that hard to programme some sand. We can just use the wrestling cage from DOA3, and change all the colours to brown!
Man 1: But there is one vital question, on which this game's success rides...
*everyone goes quiet, except for the cameraman who is grunting. He then slowly figures out there's supposed to be tension, and he switches off the TV, gradually panning round to the four men sitting down.*
Man 1: Will we be able to play it one-handed?
Man 4: Why would you need to play one-handed? Why can't you use your other ha...oh. Oh...oh. Oh.
Man 2: So, we have our game. What should we call it?
Man 3: What about: Dead or Alive Volleyball!
Man 1: Too plain. We want people to know this is the boobiest, boobiest and most importantly, boobiest game on the XBOOBS!
Man 2: What about...Dead or Alive Xtreme Volleyball?
All: Yes!
Cameraman: What's 'xtreme' about volleyball?
Man 2: *ignoring Cameraman* we could go the whole hog, get authentic music. I'm thinking Beach Boys!
Man 1: I'm thinking boobies!
Man 3: You're always thinking boobies. How about we let people use nail varnish in a game. I've always wanted to use nail varnish!
*everyone looks at Man 3*
Man 3: ...in a game. I meant in a game.
Man 4: And we could give the girlies presents, like hats, and they could wear them in the games to show how they love us and want to hold our hands and kiss us in the beach-house.
Man 1: Why, yes! That's brilliant! In fact, why bother playing volleyball at all! Why not have the game 20% volleyball? We can use the rest to give girls presents, put on nail varnish...even save super-zoomed-in-slow-motion replays to the hard drive!
Man 3: It'll be the greatest game ever!
Cameraman: You're not serious, right? A game called 'Xtreme Volleyball', that doesn't even have that much volleyball in? It's just full of girls, THAT AREN'T REAL AND HAVE PURPLE HAIR, for sad greasy pervs to perv over like pervy pervs?
All: ...well, yes.
Cameraman: Nobody'll buy it, you're crazy.
Man 1: Oh really?
Cameraman: You won't sell a thing. You'll be finished!
*the camera begins to shake wildly*
Man 4: So, you don't like our idea?
Man 3: You think we're...silly?
Cameraman: Silly? You're complete morons! The big fat huge golden sacks full of money have turned you all insane!
Man 1: I'm sorry mister, I'm afraid I can't let you boobies. I meant do that. I can't let you do that.
Man 2: Drop the camera.
Man 4: DROP IT!
*the camera shakes violently, before falling to the floor, on its side and staring at a potted plant made of gold. We hear shouting in Japanese, and then the cameraman comes into shot, facing the wall. The picture goes blank.*
--------- ------------ ------------
Thanks for reading that, assuming you did.
As you can tell, Blair Witch inspired. Felt like something different. Thoughts?
Thanks.
Great stuff mate :-)
RiCkOsS wrote:
> Don't you ever get sick of winning GAD? :-P
Boobies. I mean...don't be silly. That's like getting sick of seeing boobies.
And that time I meant to say boobies.
> Don't you ever get sick of winning GAD? :-P
Boobies. I mean...don't be silly. That's like getting sick of seeing boobies.
And that time I meant to say boobies.
"Yeah, but...PHWOAR! What a suit!"
Lol! :-D
Don't you ever get sick of winning GAD? :-P
Lol! :-D
Don't you ever get sick of winning GAD? :-P
El Blokey wrote:
> Man 4: Why would you need to play one-handed? Why can't you use your
> other ha...oh. Oh...oh. Oh.
----
LOL! That was the best bit. Good post, but could have done without the sack full of Gold.
:D
> Man 4: Why would you need to play one-handed? Why can't you use your
> other ha...oh. Oh...oh. Oh.
----
LOL! That was the best bit. Good post, but could have done without the sack full of Gold.
:D
pop
Admit it. It was HUGE!
Umm.... the Sack wasn't THAT big.......
Below, the word 'boobies' is mentioned several times. You may think it's childish, so if you do, rather than reply moaning just don't read on. You have been warned.
--------- ---------- ---------
One year ago El Blokey was let into a special meeting of the creators of Dead or Alive. He never came out of the meeting. Several months later, his footage was found. This is the story of DOA:Beach Volleyball.
*it's somewhere deep in the heart of Japan. Four men with scarily greasy hair are sat round a table, staring at something, open mouthed. One of them has a small droplet of spittle ready to drip down, onto his lap, but he doesn't seem to care. The camera pans round to show that gratuitous 'swimming with dolphins whilst leaning over a lot' FMV sequence is playing on the big widescreen TV. The unseen cameraman coughs, and the men suddenly turn round to face the camera.*
Man 1: Ah yes. Hello there! We are the men that created the XBOX's greatest boobies, DOA3.
Man 2: Dude, you did it again!
Man 1: What? What'd I do?
Man 3: You said boobies instead of beat-em-up.
Man 1: Oh. Boobies. Uh...sorry. Anyway, we're here to think up a new game. The Gamecube has that foxy lady Samus...
Cameraman: She's in a huge suit, you can barely see her face...
Man 1: Yeah, but...PHWOAR! What a suit! Anyway, Nintendo have Samus, and the Playstation has Lara Croft. What does the XBOX have? Master Chief.
Cameraman: Who's not that much unlike Samus.
Man 1: Look, shut up.
Man 2: Basically, Bill Gates gave us all a sackful of money to make a new game. And the sack was made of gold. And it was as big as this TV *he gestures to the beast of a widescreen, which encompasses almost a whole wall* but that's enough about how we got big fat huge golden sacks full of money. We're here to talk about what really matters - boobies.
Man 1: Now you're doing it!
Man 2: No, I actually meant boobies. Even Acclaim are putting porn in games. I mean, they have it all! Ride a bike around, look at topless chicks...how will we compete with that? See this is why Bill gave us big fat huge golden sacks full of money.
Man 4: Well, think about it. We already have some big-breasted women. All we need is an excuse for them to do a lot of bouncing around. Think people, THINK!
*there's a long pause as everybody looks very thoughtful.*
Man 3: How about a beat-em-up?
*everyone sighs, and thinks again. Meanwhile, the camera moves over to the TV, and a hand reaches out and flicks through the channels. It settles on a volleyball game.*
Cameraman: That's the stuff...ooh yeah...
*everyone looks at the TV, and then looks back at their co-workers. Then back at the TV. This goes on for around eight minutes before somebody remembers they have to say the plan.*
Man 1: How about...boobies!
Man 2: Can't you do anything? Look, let's try that again...
*everyone looks deep in thought*
Man 1: How about...
Man 2: *interrupting* yes, a volleyball game sounds great! It has it all - bikinis, bouncing, leaning over, nets...
*meanwhile, the cameraman turns back to the volleyball, zooming in to a particular female competitor. The voices continue off camera.*
Man 4: A volleyball game? Genius! It's tennis without the silly rackets but WITH the tight shorts! It's women wearing very little clothes, and they have to jump up in the air!
Man 3: Yes, and it can't be that hard to programme some sand. We can just use the wrestling cage from DOA3, and change all the colours to brown!
Man 1: But there is one vital question, on which this game's success rides...
*everyone goes quiet, except for the cameraman who is grunting. He then slowly figures out there's supposed to be tension, and he switches off the TV, gradually panning round to the four men sitting down.*
Man 1: Will we be able to play it one-handed?
Man 4: Why would you need to play one-handed? Why can't you use your other ha...oh. Oh...oh. Oh.
Man 2: So, we have our game. What should we call it?
Man 3: What about: Dead or Alive Volleyball!
Man 1: Too plain. We want people to know this is the boobiest, boobiest and most importantly, boobiest game on the XBOOBS!
Man 2: What about...Dead or Alive Xtreme Volleyball?
All: Yes!
Cameraman: What's 'xtreme' about volleyball?
Man 2: *ignoring Cameraman* we could go the whole hog, get authentic music. I'm thinking Beach Boys!
Man 1: I'm thinking boobies!
Man 3: You're always thinking boobies. How about we let people use nail varnish in a game. I've always wanted to use nail varnish!
*everyone looks at Man 3*
Man 3: ...in a game. I meant in a game.
Man 4: And we could give the girlies presents, like hats, and they could wear them in the games to show how they love us and want to hold our hands and kiss us in the beach-house.
Man 1: Why, yes! That's brilliant! In fact, why bother playing volleyball at all! Why not have the game 20% volleyball? We can use the rest to give girls presents, put on nail varnish...even save super-zoomed-in-slow-motion replays to the hard drive!
Man 3: It'll be the greatest game ever!
Cameraman: You're not serious, right? A game called 'Xtreme Volleyball', that doesn't even have that much volleyball in? It's just full of girls, THAT AREN'T REAL AND HAVE PURPLE HAIR, for sad greasy pervs to perv over like pervy pervs?
All: ...well, yes.
Cameraman: Nobody'll buy it, you're crazy.
Man 1: Oh really?
Cameraman: You won't sell a thing. You'll be finished!
*the camera begins to shake wildly*
Man 4: So, you don't like our idea?
Man 3: You think we're...silly?
Cameraman: Silly? You're complete morons! The big fat huge golden sacks full of money have turned you all insane!
Man 1: I'm sorry mister, I'm afraid I can't let you boobies. I meant do that. I can't let you do that.
Man 2: Drop the camera.
Man 4: DROP IT!
*the camera shakes violently, before falling to the floor, on its side and staring at a potted plant made of gold. We hear shouting in Japanese, and then the cameraman comes into shot, facing the wall. The picture goes blank.*
--------- ------------ ------------
Thanks for reading that, assuming you did.
As you can tell, Blair Witch inspired. Felt like something different. Thoughts?
--------- ---------- ---------
One year ago El Blokey was let into a special meeting of the creators of Dead or Alive. He never came out of the meeting. Several months later, his footage was found. This is the story of DOA:Beach Volleyball.
*it's somewhere deep in the heart of Japan. Four men with scarily greasy hair are sat round a table, staring at something, open mouthed. One of them has a small droplet of spittle ready to drip down, onto his lap, but he doesn't seem to care. The camera pans round to show that gratuitous 'swimming with dolphins whilst leaning over a lot' FMV sequence is playing on the big widescreen TV. The unseen cameraman coughs, and the men suddenly turn round to face the camera.*
Man 1: Ah yes. Hello there! We are the men that created the XBOX's greatest boobies, DOA3.
Man 2: Dude, you did it again!
Man 1: What? What'd I do?
Man 3: You said boobies instead of beat-em-up.
Man 1: Oh. Boobies. Uh...sorry. Anyway, we're here to think up a new game. The Gamecube has that foxy lady Samus...
Cameraman: She's in a huge suit, you can barely see her face...
Man 1: Yeah, but...PHWOAR! What a suit! Anyway, Nintendo have Samus, and the Playstation has Lara Croft. What does the XBOX have? Master Chief.
Cameraman: Who's not that much unlike Samus.
Man 1: Look, shut up.
Man 2: Basically, Bill Gates gave us all a sackful of money to make a new game. And the sack was made of gold. And it was as big as this TV *he gestures to the beast of a widescreen, which encompasses almost a whole wall* but that's enough about how we got big fat huge golden sacks full of money. We're here to talk about what really matters - boobies.
Man 1: Now you're doing it!
Man 2: No, I actually meant boobies. Even Acclaim are putting porn in games. I mean, they have it all! Ride a bike around, look at topless chicks...how will we compete with that? See this is why Bill gave us big fat huge golden sacks full of money.
Man 4: Well, think about it. We already have some big-breasted women. All we need is an excuse for them to do a lot of bouncing around. Think people, THINK!
*there's a long pause as everybody looks very thoughtful.*
Man 3: How about a beat-em-up?
*everyone sighs, and thinks again. Meanwhile, the camera moves over to the TV, and a hand reaches out and flicks through the channels. It settles on a volleyball game.*
Cameraman: That's the stuff...ooh yeah...
*everyone looks at the TV, and then looks back at their co-workers. Then back at the TV. This goes on for around eight minutes before somebody remembers they have to say the plan.*
Man 1: How about...boobies!
Man 2: Can't you do anything? Look, let's try that again...
*everyone looks deep in thought*
Man 1: How about...
Man 2: *interrupting* yes, a volleyball game sounds great! It has it all - bikinis, bouncing, leaning over, nets...
*meanwhile, the cameraman turns back to the volleyball, zooming in to a particular female competitor. The voices continue off camera.*
Man 4: A volleyball game? Genius! It's tennis without the silly rackets but WITH the tight shorts! It's women wearing very little clothes, and they have to jump up in the air!
Man 3: Yes, and it can't be that hard to programme some sand. We can just use the wrestling cage from DOA3, and change all the colours to brown!
Man 1: But there is one vital question, on which this game's success rides...
*everyone goes quiet, except for the cameraman who is grunting. He then slowly figures out there's supposed to be tension, and he switches off the TV, gradually panning round to the four men sitting down.*
Man 1: Will we be able to play it one-handed?
Man 4: Why would you need to play one-handed? Why can't you use your other ha...oh. Oh...oh. Oh.
Man 2: So, we have our game. What should we call it?
Man 3: What about: Dead or Alive Volleyball!
Man 1: Too plain. We want people to know this is the boobiest, boobiest and most importantly, boobiest game on the XBOOBS!
Man 2: What about...Dead or Alive Xtreme Volleyball?
All: Yes!
Cameraman: What's 'xtreme' about volleyball?
Man 2: *ignoring Cameraman* we could go the whole hog, get authentic music. I'm thinking Beach Boys!
Man 1: I'm thinking boobies!
Man 3: You're always thinking boobies. How about we let people use nail varnish in a game. I've always wanted to use nail varnish!
*everyone looks at Man 3*
Man 3: ...in a game. I meant in a game.
Man 4: And we could give the girlies presents, like hats, and they could wear them in the games to show how they love us and want to hold our hands and kiss us in the beach-house.
Man 1: Why, yes! That's brilliant! In fact, why bother playing volleyball at all! Why not have the game 20% volleyball? We can use the rest to give girls presents, put on nail varnish...even save super-zoomed-in-slow-motion replays to the hard drive!
Man 3: It'll be the greatest game ever!
Cameraman: You're not serious, right? A game called 'Xtreme Volleyball', that doesn't even have that much volleyball in? It's just full of girls, THAT AREN'T REAL AND HAVE PURPLE HAIR, for sad greasy pervs to perv over like pervy pervs?
All: ...well, yes.
Cameraman: Nobody'll buy it, you're crazy.
Man 1: Oh really?
Cameraman: You won't sell a thing. You'll be finished!
*the camera begins to shake wildly*
Man 4: So, you don't like our idea?
Man 3: You think we're...silly?
Cameraman: Silly? You're complete morons! The big fat huge golden sacks full of money have turned you all insane!
Man 1: I'm sorry mister, I'm afraid I can't let you boobies. I meant do that. I can't let you do that.
Man 2: Drop the camera.
Man 4: DROP IT!
*the camera shakes violently, before falling to the floor, on its side and staring at a potted plant made of gold. We hear shouting in Japanese, and then the cameraman comes into shot, facing the wall. The picture goes blank.*
--------- ------------ ------------
Thanks for reading that, assuming you did.
As you can tell, Blair Witch inspired. Felt like something different. Thoughts?