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In almost every film good guys win, bad guys lose. Even when the bad guys seem to have better odds than the good guys, they still manage to be defeated. For example when the bad guy has a stolen nuclear missile from Russia and the good guy has one silenced pistol, the good guy always seems to win. So I was wondering where on Earth do these bad guys go wrong? How can they lose with such good odds. The power of a nuclear missile defeated by a pistol? It still doesn't make sense, but I managed to come up with the most common mistakes bad guys make that costs them big. Here they are...
1. Verbal Diarrhoea
You have the good guy right in front of you with the odds completely against him. What do you do? You certainly don’t do what the bad guy does and TALK. You spend about ten minutes revealing everything you have done, showing off, to the good guy while meanwhile he/she gets free and ends up killing you. Just get on with killing him for goodness sake! If a bad guy couldn’t talk he’d probably be the best bad guy ever and would always succeed. But probably even then he’d draw pictures and write what he did. They always have to show off with what they did and how they did it don’t they? Why can’t they just act rather than talk. That’s their first fatal mistake
2. Slow and Painful Deaths
What is it with slow and painful deaths and bad guys? They always have somewhere to go and instead of putting a bullet to the head and ending it like that, they have to make the good guy die more dramatically don’t they? Such examples are tying the good guy to a table and sending a slow moving laser beam towards his helpless body. Another example is when they leave the good guy with one of the baddies henchmen and what does the henchman do? He tries to beat him to death or strangle him with her legs (Xenia Goldeneye) instead of shooting them in the head. They capture a good guy and what do they do? They give him or her time to save themselves. How many people have they killed in this way? Very few. In basically every film or game the bad guys have the best chance to kill the good guy once and for all and they let the opportunity pass them by. All the job takes is a bullet to the head. Why are they such fools?
3. Explosive Barrels
Why do bad guys fill their bases with explosive barrels? Are they completely stupid? And then what do they do? They stand right next to them and begin guarding there. Don’t they realise some hero is going to come around the corner fire at the barrels and blow them sky high? Why don’t they just use their brain for once?
4. Leave conveniently placed items lying around
The badguy is making a getaway and what do they do? They only leave them a rocket launcher nearby which the good guy then picks up and blows the bad guy sky high with. Another mistake they just love to make..
5. Leaving vehicles with keys in them
When a good guy wants to make a runner he’s going to head straight for transport and what do they do? They leave a nicely parked vehicle outside complete with keys in for an easy ride. No hotwiring needed! Sometimes they will have a guard nearby but he’s usually either drunk or easy to kill. Stupid stupid stupid…
6. Leave a conveniently placed weapon outside a cell
If a good guy is in a cell and he happens to get out there is a few things you need to ensure. One, there is an alarm nearby to warn everyone else. Two he cannot get hold of a gun. There should also be a guard nearby with a gun to shoot him on exit. And what happens? The guard falls asleep. One thinks they need more staff or some more coffee machines in the base to stop people sleeping on their job. So he’s asleep and the goodie grabs the the sleeping guards gun then goes on a rampage around the base all because he fell asleep. And if you leave him unattended he only goes and grabs the gun from the table nearby and escapes after killing guards. Security really ought to better in these bases…
6b. They also seem to put an exit only a few doors down from the cell which in my opinion is a bit on the stupid side. Make their exit easier why don’t you?
7. Have you noticed how the guards are all dumb and the good guy seems to have the best armour money can buy? Now what those bad guys need to do is issue some very good armour that doesn’t take one or two shoots to penetrate. They also need to teach them some intelligence.
“MM.. the good guy seems to have disappeared from that locked cell. Why don’t I have a look in there? Mmm.. Where is he?” (At which point James Bond or whoever drops from the ceiling knocking them out cold then runs off.)
8. Sort the base out. The hollowed out volcano, big building deep in Siberia or something is becoming repetitive and predictable. Why not set up base in a caravan where you will be less suspicious. The caravan could have a nuclear missile attached underneath and could be sitting in a caravan site. You could fire a nuke from the caravan easily and no one would even suspect a bad guy to be in it! They’d fool them for once!
9. Avoid going into slow motion. Every time something goes into slow motion, the bad guys give the good guy a chance to (delete as appropriate dodge the bullet/hit you from behind/save the day. The way I see it is if you avoid slow motion and just shoot them straight away those good guys don’t have time to save themselves or take you out. By allowing slow motion they allow the good guy to have an advantage of being able to react to what ever you are doing. About time this was avoided I think.
10. Catchphrases. Bad guys seem to love them. Okay the good guys are just as bad, but the bad guys always seem to come off worse when they try a catchphrase. All the bad guys want to sound cool like the good guys before they kill someone but they just fail… One memorable example is where an Agent has Neo on the floor and says something like “Goodbye Mr Anderson” then Trinity sticks a gun to his head and says “Dodge this” and kills him. Opportunity gone.
11. Don’t kill the good guys wife/girlfriend/bit on the side. It may seem like a good idea at the time but whenever bad guys do this they really really pee off their opponent. He goes mental and lashes out with whatever he can do. The usual outcome is you get paid back big time with death.
12. They can’t count. They are in a gunfight with the good guy and have come off better – maybe knocking the goodies gun out of his hand. There’s a gun pointing at the good guy’s head. Out comes the first cool phrase they can think of and *click* it’s empty. They should stop firing so many shots just to look cool and be wary of how much ammo they have. Can’t they count as they fire? This pistol can hold six bullets. That’s one fired, that’s another etc.. If they counted they might just have a bullet left to shoot the good guy in the head.
12b. They are way too trigger happy. They want to fire every shot in their gun just for dramatic effect but they end up losing all their ammo! Ammo doesn’t grow on trees! Well… there’s stuff in the centre of the Earth of near unlimited resource but still…
So there you have it. Some light shed on why bad guys finish last. It still seems slightly strange that the bad guys should lose after all they have done but the reasons above could account for why they fail. So any bad guys if you are reading, you now have no excuse to lose to the goodies. Now go out there and destroy the world! (I turn around to press the button that will arm my nuclear missile when James Bond jumps in and takes me out with a pistol with one bullet in it - I don't know how lucky do these good guys get?).
1. Verbal Diarrhoea
You have the good guy right in front of you with the odds completely against him. What do you do? You certainly don’t do what the bad guy does and TALK. You spend about ten minutes revealing everything you have done, showing off, to the good guy while meanwhile he/she gets free and ends up killing you. Just get on with killing him for goodness sake! If a bad guy couldn’t talk he’d probably be the best bad guy ever and would always succeed. But probably even then he’d draw pictures and write what he did. They always have to show off with what they did and how they did it don’t they? Why can’t they just act rather than talk. That’s their first fatal mistake
2. Slow and Painful Deaths
What is it with slow and painful deaths and bad guys? They always have somewhere to go and instead of putting a bullet to the head and ending it like that, they have to make the good guy die more dramatically don’t they? Such examples are tying the good guy to a table and sending a slow moving laser beam towards his helpless body. Another example is when they leave the good guy with one of the baddies henchmen and what does the henchman do? He tries to beat him to death or strangle him with her legs (Xenia Goldeneye) instead of shooting them in the head. They capture a good guy and what do they do? They give him or her time to save themselves. How many people have they killed in this way? Very few. In basically every film or game the bad guys have the best chance to kill the good guy once and for all and they let the opportunity pass them by. All the job takes is a bullet to the head. Why are they such fools?
3. Explosive Barrels
Why do bad guys fill their bases with explosive barrels? Are they completely stupid? And then what do they do? They stand right next to them and begin guarding there. Don’t they realise some hero is going to come around the corner fire at the barrels and blow them sky high? Why don’t they just use their brain for once?
4. Leave conveniently placed items lying around
The badguy is making a getaway and what do they do? They only leave them a rocket launcher nearby which the good guy then picks up and blows the bad guy sky high with. Another mistake they just love to make..
5. Leaving vehicles with keys in them
When a good guy wants to make a runner he’s going to head straight for transport and what do they do? They leave a nicely parked vehicle outside complete with keys in for an easy ride. No hotwiring needed! Sometimes they will have a guard nearby but he’s usually either drunk or easy to kill. Stupid stupid stupid…
6. Leave a conveniently placed weapon outside a cell
If a good guy is in a cell and he happens to get out there is a few things you need to ensure. One, there is an alarm nearby to warn everyone else. Two he cannot get hold of a gun. There should also be a guard nearby with a gun to shoot him on exit. And what happens? The guard falls asleep. One thinks they need more staff or some more coffee machines in the base to stop people sleeping on their job. So he’s asleep and the goodie grabs the the sleeping guards gun then goes on a rampage around the base all because he fell asleep. And if you leave him unattended he only goes and grabs the gun from the table nearby and escapes after killing guards. Security really ought to better in these bases…
6b. They also seem to put an exit only a few doors down from the cell which in my opinion is a bit on the stupid side. Make their exit easier why don’t you?
7. Have you noticed how the guards are all dumb and the good guy seems to have the best armour money can buy? Now what those bad guys need to do is issue some very good armour that doesn’t take one or two shoots to penetrate. They also need to teach them some intelligence.
“MM.. the good guy seems to have disappeared from that locked cell. Why don’t I have a look in there? Mmm.. Where is he?” (At which point James Bond or whoever drops from the ceiling knocking them out cold then runs off.)
8. Sort the base out. The hollowed out volcano, big building deep in Siberia or something is becoming repetitive and predictable. Why not set up base in a caravan where you will be less suspicious. The caravan could have a nuclear missile attached underneath and could be sitting in a caravan site. You could fire a nuke from the caravan easily and no one would even suspect a bad guy to be in it! They’d fool them for once!
9. Avoid going into slow motion. Every time something goes into slow motion, the bad guys give the good guy a chance to (delete as appropriate dodge the bullet/hit you from behind/save the day. The way I see it is if you avoid slow motion and just shoot them straight away those good guys don’t have time to save themselves or take you out. By allowing slow motion they allow the good guy to have an advantage of being able to react to what ever you are doing. About time this was avoided I think.
10. Catchphrases. Bad guys seem to love them. Okay the good guys are just as bad, but the bad guys always seem to come off worse when they try a catchphrase. All the bad guys want to sound cool like the good guys before they kill someone but they just fail… One memorable example is where an Agent has Neo on the floor and says something like “Goodbye Mr Anderson” then Trinity sticks a gun to his head and says “Dodge this” and kills him. Opportunity gone.
11. Don’t kill the good guys wife/girlfriend/bit on the side. It may seem like a good idea at the time but whenever bad guys do this they really really pee off their opponent. He goes mental and lashes out with whatever he can do. The usual outcome is you get paid back big time with death.
12. They can’t count. They are in a gunfight with the good guy and have come off better – maybe knocking the goodies gun out of his hand. There’s a gun pointing at the good guy’s head. Out comes the first cool phrase they can think of and *click* it’s empty. They should stop firing so many shots just to look cool and be wary of how much ammo they have. Can’t they count as they fire? This pistol can hold six bullets. That’s one fired, that’s another etc.. If they counted they might just have a bullet left to shoot the good guy in the head.
12b. They are way too trigger happy. They want to fire every shot in their gun just for dramatic effect but they end up losing all their ammo! Ammo doesn’t grow on trees! Well… there’s stuff in the centre of the Earth of near unlimited resource but still…
So there you have it. Some light shed on why bad guys finish last. It still seems slightly strange that the bad guys should lose after all they have done but the reasons above could account for why they fail. So any bad guys if you are reading, you now have no excuse to lose to the goodies. Now go out there and destroy the world! (I turn around to press the button that will arm my nuclear missile when James Bond jumps in and takes me out with a pistol with one bullet in it - I don't know how lucky do these good guys get?).
Rakuga wrote:
Part of this GAD belongs to you... a
> very small part ;-)
------------------------------
Yes, well, I expect a cheque in the post
Part of this GAD belongs to you... a
> very small part ;-)
------------------------------
Yes, well, I expect a cheque in the post
MoJoJoJo wrote:
> You're welcome
Part of this GAD belongs to you... a very small part ;-)
Thanks SR I was well happy when I saw I won that I jumped for joy in the middle of my lunch break and people gave me strange stares.
> You're welcome
Part of this GAD belongs to you... a very small part ;-)
Thanks SR I was well happy when I saw I won that I jumped for joy in the middle of my lunch break and people gave me strange stares.
Rakuga wrote:
> MoJoJoJo wrote:
> "5. Leaving vehicles with keys in them
>
etc..
Well you provided the ideas in my moments of blankness. You jogged my
> memory.
Okay here you go..
Thanks to Mojojo etc.. for assisting my brain.
------------
You're welcome
> MoJoJoJo wrote:
> "5. Leaving vehicles with keys in them
>
etc..
Well you provided the ideas in my moments of blankness. You jogged my
> memory.
Okay here you go..
Thanks to Mojojo etc.. for assisting my brain.
------------
You're welcome
Nice post, and congrats on the GAD win.
MoJoJoJo wrote:
> "5. Leaving vehicles with keys in them
etc..
Well you provided the ideas in my moments of blankness. You jogged my memory.
Okay here you go..
Thanks to Mojojo etc.. for assisting my brain.
> "5. Leaving vehicles with keys in them
etc..
Well you provided the ideas in my moments of blankness. You jogged my memory.
Okay here you go..
Thanks to Mojojo etc.. for assisting my brain.
"5. Leaving vehicles with keys in them
When a good guy wants to make a runner he’s going to head straight for transport and what do they do? They leave a nicely parked vehicle outside complete with keys in for an easy ride. No hotwiring needed! Sometimes they will have a guard nearby but he’s usually either drunk or easy to kill. Stupid stupid stupid…
6. Leave a conveniently placed weapon outside a cell
If a good guy is in a cell and he happens to get out there is a few things you need to ensure. One, there is an alarm nearby to warn everyone else. Two he cannot get hold of a gun. There should also be a guard nearby with a gun to shoot him on exit. And what happens? The guard falls asleep. One thinks they need more staff or some more coffee machines in the base to stop people sleeping on their job. So he’s asleep and the goodie grabs the the sleeping guards gun then goes on a rampage around the base all because he fell asleep. And if you leave him unattended he only goes and grabs the gun from the table nearby and escapes after killing guards. Security really ought to better in these bases…
8. Sort the base out. The hollowed out volcano, big building deep in Siberia or something is becoming repetitive and predictable. Why not set up base in a caravan where you will be less suspicious. The caravan could have a nuclear missile attached underneath and could be sitting in a caravan site. You could fire a nuke from the caravan easily and no one would even suspect a bad guy to be in it! They’d fool them for once!"
I suggested these ones to Rakuga, where's my credit? Ha ha
When a good guy wants to make a runner he’s going to head straight for transport and what do they do? They leave a nicely parked vehicle outside complete with keys in for an easy ride. No hotwiring needed! Sometimes they will have a guard nearby but he’s usually either drunk or easy to kill. Stupid stupid stupid…
6. Leave a conveniently placed weapon outside a cell
If a good guy is in a cell and he happens to get out there is a few things you need to ensure. One, there is an alarm nearby to warn everyone else. Two he cannot get hold of a gun. There should also be a guard nearby with a gun to shoot him on exit. And what happens? The guard falls asleep. One thinks they need more staff or some more coffee machines in the base to stop people sleeping on their job. So he’s asleep and the goodie grabs the the sleeping guards gun then goes on a rampage around the base all because he fell asleep. And if you leave him unattended he only goes and grabs the gun from the table nearby and escapes after killing guards. Security really ought to better in these bases…
8. Sort the base out. The hollowed out volcano, big building deep in Siberia or something is becoming repetitive and predictable. Why not set up base in a caravan where you will be less suspicious. The caravan could have a nuclear missile attached underneath and could be sitting in a caravan site. You could fire a nuke from the caravan easily and no one would even suspect a bad guy to be in it! They’d fool them for once!"
I suggested these ones to Rakuga, where's my credit? Ha ha
Rakuga wrote:
1. Verbal Diarrhoea -
Bad guys love this, their evil by nature, and you don't risk your life trying to kill one guy just to shoot him in the head, you'd have regrets, it makes you feel eviler.
2. Slow and Painful Deaths -
who doesn't like these? the good guys almost ruined your multimillion 'dollor' plan to rule the world, you want him to pay! how? he has no family, you killed his wife/girlfriend/bit on the side earlier, so you might aswell kill him, but make it slow, so he can see you rule the world before he dies.
3. Explosive Barrels -
these are simple to explain, they're always next to loads of trucks or planes, they need fuel as much as the next armoured escape vehicles, he must value the fuel if he guards it, but a barrel of its quite expensive these days, he might have spent all his money on the weapons and the underground labs, so he had to cut back on fuel, and he needs every last drop.
4. Leave conveniently placed items lying around -
oh yes, and they usually come from nowhere, like a tiny shed in the middle of a huge garden (commandos) full of extreemly sharp tools, not attached to anything, so perfect killing tools.
5. Leaving vehicles with keys in them -
no villain is happy with ruling the world, they need to work for it, and a car chase is perfect, villains have done it before, and they don't see why they should break the tradition.
6. Leave a conveniently placed weapon outside a cell -
fair enough, but they're usually attached to a guard, and this weapon usually has one of those infinate ammo clips, so the good guy doesn't have to worry about ammo, problem with these infinate ammo clips is, they're not infinate, they run out when he finds a new weapon.
6b. They also seem to put an exit only a few doors
> down from the cell
yes, not the bad guys fault, blame the archetech, doesn't usually have a exit this way sign, but it's usually the first out of the 10000000 doors there that the good guy chooses, maybe he/she studyied a plan of the building before they got in there, and an escape route from the prison was obviously needed.
7. Have you noticed how the guards are all dumb
> and the good guy seems to have the best armour money can buy? -
ah yes, dumb guards, well taking over the world is an expensive job, and to cut costs, getting members of the public to work for free is good, although the members of the public are usually very stupid *whys everyone looking at me* and:- the bulet dodging invisible body armour, very useful in these situations, also seems that, if they have a small piece of metal, with someone they love's photo in it, this works as well as any body armour, you also get the benifit of not having to wear a bulky heavy suit.
10. Catchphrases. -
good guys have these too: "i'll be right back" hhmm, thats the only one I can think of, but yes, they seem to use these a lot, especially when killing someone they don't like
11. Don’t kill the good guys wife/girlfriend/bit on
> the side. -
might aswell kill yourself if you do this, the good guy somehow finds out as soon as it happens, even if absolutly noone knows where the bad guys evilbunker of doom is hidden, bad news always seems to get out, walls have ears y'know, or maybe it's one of these human/pidgeon hybrids I hear so much about.
12. They can’t count. -
every bad guy has his/her faults more often than not, it's not being able to count, but I gues, being in a huge gun fight can be quite bewildering, and thinking about how many bullets you've got in your gun isn't always your top priority.
12b. They are way too trigger happy. -
don't know about this one, seems like the good guy is more than likely going to run around shooting everything that moves, seems that if 10 people are in the room, 1 bullet is more than enoughto kill them all, and even though they're guns are pointing directly at the god guy, the trigger always gets stuck, so they get shot, d'oh
1. Verbal Diarrhoea -
Bad guys love this, their evil by nature, and you don't risk your life trying to kill one guy just to shoot him in the head, you'd have regrets, it makes you feel eviler.
2. Slow and Painful Deaths -
who doesn't like these? the good guys almost ruined your multimillion 'dollor' plan to rule the world, you want him to pay! how? he has no family, you killed his wife/girlfriend/bit on the side earlier, so you might aswell kill him, but make it slow, so he can see you rule the world before he dies.
3. Explosive Barrels -
these are simple to explain, they're always next to loads of trucks or planes, they need fuel as much as the next armoured escape vehicles, he must value the fuel if he guards it, but a barrel of its quite expensive these days, he might have spent all his money on the weapons and the underground labs, so he had to cut back on fuel, and he needs every last drop.
4. Leave conveniently placed items lying around -
oh yes, and they usually come from nowhere, like a tiny shed in the middle of a huge garden (commandos) full of extreemly sharp tools, not attached to anything, so perfect killing tools.
5. Leaving vehicles with keys in them -
no villain is happy with ruling the world, they need to work for it, and a car chase is perfect, villains have done it before, and they don't see why they should break the tradition.
6. Leave a conveniently placed weapon outside a cell -
fair enough, but they're usually attached to a guard, and this weapon usually has one of those infinate ammo clips, so the good guy doesn't have to worry about ammo, problem with these infinate ammo clips is, they're not infinate, they run out when he finds a new weapon.
6b. They also seem to put an exit only a few doors
> down from the cell
yes, not the bad guys fault, blame the archetech, doesn't usually have a exit this way sign, but it's usually the first out of the 10000000 doors there that the good guy chooses, maybe he/she studyied a plan of the building before they got in there, and an escape route from the prison was obviously needed.
7. Have you noticed how the guards are all dumb
> and the good guy seems to have the best armour money can buy? -
ah yes, dumb guards, well taking over the world is an expensive job, and to cut costs, getting members of the public to work for free is good, although the members of the public are usually very stupid *whys everyone looking at me* and:- the bulet dodging invisible body armour, very useful in these situations, also seems that, if they have a small piece of metal, with someone they love's photo in it, this works as well as any body armour, you also get the benifit of not having to wear a bulky heavy suit.
10. Catchphrases. -
good guys have these too: "i'll be right back" hhmm, thats the only one I can think of, but yes, they seem to use these a lot, especially when killing someone they don't like
11. Don’t kill the good guys wife/girlfriend/bit on
> the side. -
might aswell kill yourself if you do this, the good guy somehow finds out as soon as it happens, even if absolutly noone knows where the bad guys evilbunker of doom is hidden, bad news always seems to get out, walls have ears y'know, or maybe it's one of these human/pidgeon hybrids I hear so much about.
12. They can’t count. -
every bad guy has his/her faults more often than not, it's not being able to count, but I gues, being in a huge gun fight can be quite bewildering, and thinking about how many bullets you've got in your gun isn't always your top priority.
12b. They are way too trigger happy. -
don't know about this one, seems like the good guy is more than likely going to run around shooting everything that moves, seems that if 10 people are in the room, 1 bullet is more than enoughto kill them all, and even though they're guns are pointing directly at the god guy, the trigger always gets stuck, so they get shot, d'oh
In almost every film good guys win, bad guys lose. Even when the bad guys seem to have better odds than the good guys, they still manage to be defeated. For example when the bad guy has a stolen nuclear missile from Russia and the good guy has one silenced pistol, the good guy always seems to win. So I was wondering where on Earth do these bad guys go wrong? How can they lose with such good odds. The power of a nuclear missile defeated by a pistol? It still doesn't make sense, but I managed to come up with the most common mistakes bad guys make that costs them big. Here they are...
1. Verbal Diarrhoea
You have the good guy right in front of you with the odds completely against him. What do you do? You certainly don’t do what the bad guy does and TALK. You spend about ten minutes revealing everything you have done, showing off, to the good guy while meanwhile he/she gets free and ends up killing you. Just get on with killing him for goodness sake! If a bad guy couldn’t talk he’d probably be the best bad guy ever and would always succeed. But probably even then he’d draw pictures and write what he did. They always have to show off with what they did and how they did it don’t they? Why can’t they just act rather than talk. That’s their first fatal mistake
2. Slow and Painful Deaths
What is it with slow and painful deaths and bad guys? They always have somewhere to go and instead of putting a bullet to the head and ending it like that, they have to make the good guy die more dramatically don’t they? Such examples are tying the good guy to a table and sending a slow moving laser beam towards his helpless body. Another example is when they leave the good guy with one of the baddies henchmen and what does the henchman do? He tries to beat him to death or strangle him with her legs (Xenia Goldeneye) instead of shooting them in the head. They capture a good guy and what do they do? They give him or her time to save themselves. How many people have they killed in this way? Very few. In basically every film or game the bad guys have the best chance to kill the good guy once and for all and they let the opportunity pass them by. All the job takes is a bullet to the head. Why are they such fools?
3. Explosive Barrels
Why do bad guys fill their bases with explosive barrels? Are they completely stupid? And then what do they do? They stand right next to them and begin guarding there. Don’t they realise some hero is going to come around the corner fire at the barrels and blow them sky high? Why don’t they just use their brain for once?
4. Leave conveniently placed items lying around
The badguy is making a getaway and what do they do? They only leave them a rocket launcher nearby which the good guy then picks up and blows the bad guy sky high with. Another mistake they just love to make..
5. Leaving vehicles with keys in them
When a good guy wants to make a runner he’s going to head straight for transport and what do they do? They leave a nicely parked vehicle outside complete with keys in for an easy ride. No hotwiring needed! Sometimes they will have a guard nearby but he’s usually either drunk or easy to kill. Stupid stupid stupid…
6. Leave a conveniently placed weapon outside a cell
If a good guy is in a cell and he happens to get out there is a few things you need to ensure. One, there is an alarm nearby to warn everyone else. Two he cannot get hold of a gun. There should also be a guard nearby with a gun to shoot him on exit. And what happens? The guard falls asleep. One thinks they need more staff or some more coffee machines in the base to stop people sleeping on their job. So he’s asleep and the goodie grabs the the sleeping guards gun then goes on a rampage around the base all because he fell asleep. And if you leave him unattended he only goes and grabs the gun from the table nearby and escapes after killing guards. Security really ought to better in these bases…
6b. They also seem to put an exit only a few doors down from the cell which in my opinion is a bit on the stupid side. Make their exit easier why don’t you?
7. Have you noticed how the guards are all dumb and the good guy seems to have the best armour money can buy? Now what those bad guys need to do is issue some very good armour that doesn’t take one or two shoots to penetrate. They also need to teach them some intelligence.
“MM.. the good guy seems to have disappeared from that locked cell. Why don’t I have a look in there? Mmm.. Where is he?” (At which point James Bond or whoever drops from the ceiling knocking them out cold then runs off.)
8. Sort the base out. The hollowed out volcano, big building deep in Siberia or something is becoming repetitive and predictable. Why not set up base in a caravan where you will be less suspicious. The caravan could have a nuclear missile attached underneath and could be sitting in a caravan site. You could fire a nuke from the caravan easily and no one would even suspect a bad guy to be in it! They’d fool them for once!
9. Avoid going into slow motion. Every time something goes into slow motion, the bad guys give the good guy a chance to (delete as appropriate dodge the bullet/hit you from behind/save the day. The way I see it is if you avoid slow motion and just shoot them straight away those good guys don’t have time to save themselves or take you out. By allowing slow motion they allow the good guy to have an advantage of being able to react to what ever you are doing. About time this was avoided I think.
10. Catchphrases. Bad guys seem to love them. Okay the good guys are just as bad, but the bad guys always seem to come off worse when they try a catchphrase. All the bad guys want to sound cool like the good guys before they kill someone but they just fail… One memorable example is where an Agent has Neo on the floor and says something like “Goodbye Mr Anderson” then Trinity sticks a gun to his head and says “Dodge this” and kills him. Opportunity gone.
11. Don’t kill the good guys wife/girlfriend/bit on the side. It may seem like a good idea at the time but whenever bad guys do this they really really pee off their opponent. He goes mental and lashes out with whatever he can do. The usual outcome is you get paid back big time with death.
12. They can’t count. They are in a gunfight with the good guy and have come off better – maybe knocking the goodies gun out of his hand. There’s a gun pointing at the good guy’s head. Out comes the first cool phrase they can think of and *click* it’s empty. They should stop firing so many shots just to look cool and be wary of how much ammo they have. Can’t they count as they fire? This pistol can hold six bullets. That’s one fired, that’s another etc.. If they counted they might just have a bullet left to shoot the good guy in the head.
12b. They are way too trigger happy. They want to fire every shot in their gun just for dramatic effect but they end up losing all their ammo! Ammo doesn’t grow on trees! Well… there’s stuff in the centre of the Earth of near unlimited resource but still…
So there you have it. Some light shed on why bad guys finish last. It still seems slightly strange that the bad guys should lose after all they have done but the reasons above could account for why they fail. So any bad guys if you are reading, you now have no excuse to lose to the goodies. Now go out there and destroy the world! (I turn around to press the button that will arm my nuclear missile when James Bond jumps in and takes me out with a pistol with one bullet in it - I don't know how lucky do these good guys get?).
1. Verbal Diarrhoea
You have the good guy right in front of you with the odds completely against him. What do you do? You certainly don’t do what the bad guy does and TALK. You spend about ten minutes revealing everything you have done, showing off, to the good guy while meanwhile he/she gets free and ends up killing you. Just get on with killing him for goodness sake! If a bad guy couldn’t talk he’d probably be the best bad guy ever and would always succeed. But probably even then he’d draw pictures and write what he did. They always have to show off with what they did and how they did it don’t they? Why can’t they just act rather than talk. That’s their first fatal mistake
2. Slow and Painful Deaths
What is it with slow and painful deaths and bad guys? They always have somewhere to go and instead of putting a bullet to the head and ending it like that, they have to make the good guy die more dramatically don’t they? Such examples are tying the good guy to a table and sending a slow moving laser beam towards his helpless body. Another example is when they leave the good guy with one of the baddies henchmen and what does the henchman do? He tries to beat him to death or strangle him with her legs (Xenia Goldeneye) instead of shooting them in the head. They capture a good guy and what do they do? They give him or her time to save themselves. How many people have they killed in this way? Very few. In basically every film or game the bad guys have the best chance to kill the good guy once and for all and they let the opportunity pass them by. All the job takes is a bullet to the head. Why are they such fools?
3. Explosive Barrels
Why do bad guys fill their bases with explosive barrels? Are they completely stupid? And then what do they do? They stand right next to them and begin guarding there. Don’t they realise some hero is going to come around the corner fire at the barrels and blow them sky high? Why don’t they just use their brain for once?
4. Leave conveniently placed items lying around
The badguy is making a getaway and what do they do? They only leave them a rocket launcher nearby which the good guy then picks up and blows the bad guy sky high with. Another mistake they just love to make..
5. Leaving vehicles with keys in them
When a good guy wants to make a runner he’s going to head straight for transport and what do they do? They leave a nicely parked vehicle outside complete with keys in for an easy ride. No hotwiring needed! Sometimes they will have a guard nearby but he’s usually either drunk or easy to kill. Stupid stupid stupid…
6. Leave a conveniently placed weapon outside a cell
If a good guy is in a cell and he happens to get out there is a few things you need to ensure. One, there is an alarm nearby to warn everyone else. Two he cannot get hold of a gun. There should also be a guard nearby with a gun to shoot him on exit. And what happens? The guard falls asleep. One thinks they need more staff or some more coffee machines in the base to stop people sleeping on their job. So he’s asleep and the goodie grabs the the sleeping guards gun then goes on a rampage around the base all because he fell asleep. And if you leave him unattended he only goes and grabs the gun from the table nearby and escapes after killing guards. Security really ought to better in these bases…
6b. They also seem to put an exit only a few doors down from the cell which in my opinion is a bit on the stupid side. Make their exit easier why don’t you?
7. Have you noticed how the guards are all dumb and the good guy seems to have the best armour money can buy? Now what those bad guys need to do is issue some very good armour that doesn’t take one or two shoots to penetrate. They also need to teach them some intelligence.
“MM.. the good guy seems to have disappeared from that locked cell. Why don’t I have a look in there? Mmm.. Where is he?” (At which point James Bond or whoever drops from the ceiling knocking them out cold then runs off.)
8. Sort the base out. The hollowed out volcano, big building deep in Siberia or something is becoming repetitive and predictable. Why not set up base in a caravan where you will be less suspicious. The caravan could have a nuclear missile attached underneath and could be sitting in a caravan site. You could fire a nuke from the caravan easily and no one would even suspect a bad guy to be in it! They’d fool them for once!
9. Avoid going into slow motion. Every time something goes into slow motion, the bad guys give the good guy a chance to (delete as appropriate dodge the bullet/hit you from behind/save the day. The way I see it is if you avoid slow motion and just shoot them straight away those good guys don’t have time to save themselves or take you out. By allowing slow motion they allow the good guy to have an advantage of being able to react to what ever you are doing. About time this was avoided I think.
10. Catchphrases. Bad guys seem to love them. Okay the good guys are just as bad, but the bad guys always seem to come off worse when they try a catchphrase. All the bad guys want to sound cool like the good guys before they kill someone but they just fail… One memorable example is where an Agent has Neo on the floor and says something like “Goodbye Mr Anderson” then Trinity sticks a gun to his head and says “Dodge this” and kills him. Opportunity gone.
11. Don’t kill the good guys wife/girlfriend/bit on the side. It may seem like a good idea at the time but whenever bad guys do this they really really pee off their opponent. He goes mental and lashes out with whatever he can do. The usual outcome is you get paid back big time with death.
12. They can’t count. They are in a gunfight with the good guy and have come off better – maybe knocking the goodies gun out of his hand. There’s a gun pointing at the good guy’s head. Out comes the first cool phrase they can think of and *click* it’s empty. They should stop firing so many shots just to look cool and be wary of how much ammo they have. Can’t they count as they fire? This pistol can hold six bullets. That’s one fired, that’s another etc.. If they counted they might just have a bullet left to shoot the good guy in the head.
12b. They are way too trigger happy. They want to fire every shot in their gun just for dramatic effect but they end up losing all their ammo! Ammo doesn’t grow on trees! Well… there’s stuff in the centre of the Earth of near unlimited resource but still…
So there you have it. Some light shed on why bad guys finish last. It still seems slightly strange that the bad guys should lose after all they have done but the reasons above could account for why they fail. So any bad guys if you are reading, you now have no excuse to lose to the goodies. Now go out there and destroy the world! (I turn around to press the button that will arm my nuclear missile when James Bond jumps in and takes me out with a pistol with one bullet in it - I don't know how lucky do these good guys get?).