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"Fanboyism"

*Impressive music rumbles*

Tonight on Newsnight, we take a look at the growing trend of Fanboyism, particulalry in inner city areas. This worrying new movement has already taken its toll on a number of people. Tonight we talk to some of its survivors

*Intro sequance blares on, rather unimpressivly*

Hello. I'm Jeremy Paxman the II. The first has unfortunatly succumbed to Sense Of Humour treatment, and so I, his clone with NO sense of humour, has come to replace him. With me are two survivors of the recent wave of Fanboyism in some urban areas around the country. Welcome to Alfred Von IsCarrot and Dr. Donkey Dog - of the rap band 'Firey Choons'. Both have been heavily affected by Fanboyism, and we shall be talking to them later *at this point leans over, and patronisingly checks if thats okay*. But first, lets take a look at the recent report made by our very selves - aren't we clever - in the recent troubles in inner Bristol...

*Sex Tips for Girls - Porno style* starts up - Camera cuts to Paxman II*

Oh. Er. Excuse that. *Makes cut sign - screen goes blank, and after some whirring noises and a Baldrick style yelp, a documentary starts up, entitled - 'Fanboyism - The new problem for The Digital Age'*

'Hello. I'm Paxman Vr.WomenMk. Femmebot56. I am a more feminine version of the great Paxman *camera zooms in on only feminine feature - red lipstick*. I also have NO sense of humour. Here we are in Bristol, the site of recent troubles involving rival groups of 'Fanboys'. Today we are going to interview two groups and ask for their views and motives.

*Camera follows the 'Woman' to a Fanboy Hideout - A 'Shrine' as they are called*

'Now. We are going into the Nintendo shrine of Fanboyism. Hello!'

*Blank stares from all and sundry*

'Hello' says one
'And you are....' *checks notes marked 'Problem People'* 'one Micheal Johnston, yes?'

'Thats right. What ya doing here then?'
'Well. We are looking at the recent wave of Fanboyism in Bristol. Do you realise you are causing a major problem, not only for people around, but people who just want to get on with enjoying their own lives?'
'Blame the Gaystation and SuXBox. Its not our fault!'

*Murmours of agreement. The rest of the gang are playing on a Gamecube. Camera cuts to interview with Micheal Johnston*

'So. Micheal. Why are you so for Nintendo. And why are you so anti competition?'
'Well. The ov'ers are just all lame and rubbish. We are the best'
'Even when you rip down posters in nearby game stores?'
'Eh? What? But still. We're right. Yeah. We are right!'
'Is that an XBox Official Magazine you are sitting on, Michael?'
'What?!....er....no....honest! I hate the SuXBox!'
'Are you sure?'
'Get 'aut!'

*Camera crew rush out, chased by kids weilding sticks and one using a Gamboy as a rudimentary missile. Paxman Vr.WomenMk. Femmebot56 turns to camera*

'As you can see, its a growing problem. Just last week, verbal abuse was hurled accross an empty park nearby. Even posters were torn down from the local GAME store, by people wearing GAME shirts! Even now----....*

*Static. Camera flickers on as we see stones falling about and hear warcrys of 'Shigsy!!!!!!'

*Back to studio*

Hmmm. Yes. As you see, its a problem - our investagtive teams are not safe from the hideous game twisted wrath of children today. Now, we are going to ask these two *jerks is head* and see what they have to say

'Firstly Alfred. What happened to you?'
'Well, Mr. Paxman II, I was involved in a street gang, called the Southside Triangles - named after the Triangle on the PS2 controller. We, er, like, attacked other groups. I even got scratched in running away from a nasty attack from a load of GreenBlacks - the XBox fanboys.'
'Isn't it true that you also got involved in alcohol and ciggarettes, through the gang?'
'Yes.'
'And how old are you?'
'23.'
*Paxman II turns to camera*

'As you can see - its a dramatic problem'

*Turns back*

'Now, Dr. Donkey Dog. You were convicted were you not?'
'Dats right man. I mean, all i did was play 'offensive' music all night in a lame Cubist neighbourhood. I wannted to get their posses manked, ya know?'
'Er, yes. But is it not true that the music contained such horrific lyrics as 'Purple shall be melted' and other very obviously aggressive lines?'
'Yeah. So? Fwee country'

*Paxman II turns back*

'As you have seen, the problem of Fanboyism is very apparent - people even get associated with substances, even as young as the age of 17. Disgraceful - and its all these game designers faults. Fanboys would not exist if they did not. Shameful. So, at the end of this not-so-special edition of Newsnight, we have concluded that we are still as dry as ever, and that there are problems - lets blame them on games and youth. Thats easier.'

'Good night.'

--------

:)

*Impressive music rumbles*

Tonight on Newsnight, we take a look at the growing trend of Fanboyism, particulalry in inner city areas. This worrying new movement has already taken its toll on a number of people. Tonight we talk to some of its survivors

*Intro sequance blares on, rather unimpressivly*

Hello. I'm Jeremy Paxman the II. The first has unfortunatly succumbed to Sense Of Humour treatment, and so I, his clone with NO sense of humour, has come to replace him. With me are two survivors of the recent wave of Fanboyism in some urban areas around the country. Welcome to Alfred Von IsCarrot and Dr. Donkey Dog - of the rap band 'Firey Choons'. Both have been heavily affected by Fanboyism, and we shall be talking to them later *at this point leans over, and patronisingly checks if thats okay*. But first, lets take a look at the recent report made by our very selves - aren't we clever - in the recent troubles in inner Bristol...

*Sex Tips for Girls - Porno style* starts up - Camera cuts to Paxman II*

Oh. Er. Excuse that. *Makes cut sign - screen goes blank, and after some whirring noises and a Baldrick style yelp, a documentary starts up, entitled - 'Fanboyism - The new problem for The Digital Age'*

'Hello. I'm Paxman Vr.WomenMk. Femmebot56. I am a more feminine version of the great Paxman *camera zooms in on only feminine feature - red lipstick*. I also have NO sense of humour. Here we are in Bristol, the site of recent troubles involving rival groups of 'Fanboys'. Today we are going to interview two groups and ask for their views and motives.

*Camera follows the 'Woman' to a Fanboy Hideout - A 'Shrine' as they are called*

'Now. We are going into the Nintendo shrine of Fanboyism. Hello!'

*Blank stares from all and sundry*

'Hello' says one
'And you are....' *checks notes marked 'Problem People'* 'one Micheal Johnston, yes?'

'Thats right. What ya doing here then?'
'Well. We are looking at the recent wave of Fanboyism in Bristol. Do you realise you are causing a major problem, not only for people around, but people who just want to get on with enjoying their own lives?'
'Blame the Gaystation and SuXBox. Its not our fault!'

*Murmours of agreement. The rest of the gang are playing on a Gamecube. Camera cuts to interview with Micheal Johnston*

'So. Micheal. Why are you so for Nintendo. And why are you so anti competition?'
'Well. The ov'ers are just all lame and rubbish. We are the best'
'Even when you rip down posters in nearby game stores?'
'Eh? What? But still. We're right. Yeah. We are right!'
'Is that an XBox Official Magazine you are sitting on, Michael?'
'What?!....er....no....honest! I hate the SuXBox!'
'Are you sure?'
'Get 'aut!'

*Camera crew rush out, chased by kids weilding sticks and one using a Gamboy as a rudimentary missile. Paxman Vr.WomenMk. Femmebot56 turns to camera*

'As you can see, its a growing problem. Just last week, verbal abuse was hurled accross an empty park nearby. Even posters were torn down from the local GAME store, by people wearing GAME shirts! Even now----....*

*Static. Camera flickers on as we see stones falling about and hear warcrys of 'Shigsy!!!!!!'

*Back to studio*

Hmmm. Yes. As you see, its a problem - our investagtive teams are not safe from the hideous game twisted wrath of children today. Now, we are going to ask these two *jerks is head* and see what they have to say

'Firstly Alfred. What happened to you?'
'Well, Mr. Paxman II, I was involved in a street gang, called the Southside Triangles - named after the Triangle on the PS2 controller. We, er, like, attacked other groups. I even got scratched in running away from a nasty attack from a load of GreenBlacks - the XBox fanboys.'
'Isn't it true that you also got involved in alcohol and ciggarettes, through the gang?'
'Yes.'
'And how old are you?'
'23.'
*Paxman II turns to camera*

'As you can see - its a dramatic problem'

*Turns back*

'Now, Dr. Donkey Dog. You were convicted were you not?'
'Dats right man. I mean, all i did was play 'offensive' music all night in a lame Cubist neighbourhood. I wannted to get their posses manked, ya know?'
'Er, yes. But is it not true that the music contained such horrific lyrics as 'Purple shall be melted' and other very obviously aggressive lines?'
'Yeah. So? Fwee country'

*Paxman II turns back*

'As you have seen, the problem of Fanboyism is very apparent - people even get associated with substances, even as young as the age of 17. Disgraceful - and its all these game designers faults. Fanboys would not exist if they did not. Shameful. So, at the end of this not-so-special edition of Newsnight, we have concluded that we are still as dry as ever, and that there are problems - lets blame them on games and youth. Thats easier.'

'Good night.'

--------

:)

i agree with you

Jeremy Paxman is a fanboy
or you could say a fan on a news desk

rofl...i crack myself up


cool out

I didn't say Paxman was a fanboy.

I said he was A) A clone, and B) Had red lipstick on for his 'woman' version'.

:D

king cool, by any chance did you actually read the post??
Nice one Cyclone, pretty funny.

Funny. You can quote that if you want publicity.

Torticollis said
>Funny.

Wouldn't that attract more people? Eh, eh?

oooo!

I got Torticollis approval!

Yeah!

;)

Yes you did.