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Hello, the year is 2030, and I’m your host robo Dominik Diamond.
Video games were a very popular past time in the late 20th early 21st century, but seeing as the world in 2030 is a bright and pleasant utopia refuting violence and violent entertainment, games are now sadly banned under subsection 48b of the ‘conspiracy to play evil violent brain rotting entertainment’ law.
There were many classic video games and many famous video game characters, but have you ever wondered what happened to those characters after they were famous?
In this first (and probably last) in the ‘After They Were Famous Video Game Character Specials’, we focus on the fortunes of ‘Super’ Mario after he was famous.
Like many rock & roll stars like Kurt Cobain, Elvis Presley, Gareth Gates and Robbie Williams, video games lived fast but died young.
Their popularity was extremely high when the Playstation 2, Gamecube and Xbox were on the scene, but after having problems finding original game ideas to cater for the moaning gamers who wanted more and more originality (and the shocking evidence that video games did in fact rot the brain), games died away like gamers brain cells. Not even the release of the PS3 & PS4 and the Microsoft NintendoGigaPlayBoxSphere could stop the sad decline.
The final nail in the games industries coffin was the violence issue. After ‘GTA: Beirut Bloodfest’ sunk to new lows in violence, depravity and religious mockery, campaigners with nothing better to do finally got their wishes and games were banned in 2020.
So now, a decade after video games died off, we revisit Super Mario to see how his digital life turned out:
Super Mario was the most famous and well-recognised games character on the planet.
He was famed for his moustache, gaudy clothing and his fantastic platform adventure games, Mario Kart/Tennis/Golf/Party and the ill-fated ‘Mario Mud Wrestling’.
Things were going great for Nintendo, however, because of the extreme compensation culture that exists in the United States, the Japanese gaming giants were left financially ruined after millions of dumb Americans filled lawsuits claiming their children were physiologically damaged when they realised that Pokemon weren’t real creatures after all. Microsoft soon snapped them up though and released Mario cash-in after Mario cash-in, each more terrible than the last until Mario was a sad shadow of his former self.
Shortly after the release of ‘Mario Ping-Pong’ and ‘Microsoft Train Simulator 2005 featuring Mario’ on Xbox-2, his cuddly, family friendly image took an extreme knock when it was revealed that having shacked up with Princess Peach after he rescued her from an over-sized 2D ginger ape in the mid 1980s, she was in fact under the age of consent for digital ‘how’s your father’.
In short, Mario was a cradle-snatching cad.
Having been sentenced to 10 years in a video game prison for his misdemeanours, along with disgraced stars like Captain Blasto, Bubsy the Bobcat and The Battletoads, plus many video game villains, the portly plumber became more and more eccentric.
Having served his time in incarceration, upon his release, he was given the cold shoulder by owners Microsoft as he didn’t fit into their famed family friendly image, and they didn’t want to be associated with the “paedophile plumber”.
So having signed a deal with a small development house, Mario made a comeback with “Mario Darkness” based upon his prison experiences. It was a dark and brooding tale about inner turmoil and brutality, set in a horrid nasty prison run by sadistic wardens and populated by fat prisoners with tattoos and a penchant for “fun in the shower room”. However, despite receiving critical acclaim from pretentious reviewers who love brooding tales about inner turmoil and stuff like that, the title flopped as the majority of Mario fans were disgusted by his sharp change in values and target audience.
In 2016, video games companies had found that sales were dwindling, but downloading holographic porn off the super fast ‘Internet 2’ was increasingly popular amongst the public, so they decided to cash in by creating more seedy games to cater for the demand for naked virtual flesh and rubber.
Mario, who was always one to flog a dead donkey according to his critics, soon jumped on the bandwagon and became a video game porn star, staring in games like ‘Super Mario Bumshine’, ‘Super Spank Bros’, ‘Mario Adult Party’, ‘Confessions of a Plumber’, ‘Mario’s Big Plumber’s Helper’ and many other distasteful titles. A nice bonus for Mario was that because he already looked like an adult entertainment star, he didn’t need to change his moustachioed image.
Taking the obvious cue from that, he later joined a virtual Village People tribute band and toured the Internet doing virtual concerts.
Mario lived the high life, but with all the success that being an adult entertainment and pop star brought, he wanted to go back to his roots. He yearned to be a video game star again, so he searched for his old buddies.
Having gone down a troubled path with all the Mario-Princess controversy, the famous Mario and Luigi double act had split when Luigi went off to become the third Chuckle Brother. Barry and Paul Chuckle (who now only exist in cyberspace) together with Luigi Chuckle had many great slapstick adventures and even a funny camcorder based TV show called ‘World’s Funniest DIY Disasters with The Chuckle Bros’. After only minor success, the Chuckle trio split and Luigi went his own way, living as a farmer. Mario tracked him down, old rifts were healed and they decided to make video games again.
Mario then met up with Donkey Kong, who after severing ties with Rare in the early 21st century had enjoyed success as the CGI monkey in Peter Jackson’s King Kong remake and as the CGI Clyde in the final part of the Every Which Way But Loose trilogy.
Bowser was putting his fiery hot breath to good use by working as a kebab shop oven, but he was more than happy to reprise his big bad villain role in video games again.
The re-formed team, together with all the other supporting Mario game cast members, continued to make excellent Mario games, right up until the big game banning in 2020.
Although games were now illegal, resistance gamer groups had formed, defying the laws, and underground games development studios were still churning out games, but after a few years, Mario decided to pack it in and finally retire (he was about 40 years old after all).
So although Mario has now retired to the quiet life of the video game OAP home, the fat plumber forever lives on in our hearts.
Mario, we salute you.
Next week: At home with Solid Snake, where we see the retired gruff sneaky stealth merchant at home with his pipe and slippers in front of a warm fire talking about how he frequently saved the world from giant robots, cyber ninjas and 8 foot mini-gun wielding genetically enhanced hamsters with guns, by using just macho talk, tough guy posturing, a cardboard box, cigarettes and a shed load of high-tech weaponry.
Video games were a very popular past time in the late 20th early 21st century, but seeing as the world in 2030 is a bright and pleasant utopia refuting violence and violent entertainment, games are now sadly banned under subsection 48b of the ‘conspiracy to play evil violent brain rotting entertainment’ law.
There were many classic video games and many famous video game characters, but have you ever wondered what happened to those characters after they were famous?
In this first (and probably last) in the ‘After They Were Famous Video Game Character Specials’, we focus on the fortunes of ‘Super’ Mario after he was famous.
Like many rock & roll stars like Kurt Cobain, Elvis Presley, Gareth Gates and Robbie Williams, video games lived fast but died young.
Their popularity was extremely high when the Playstation 2, Gamecube and Xbox were on the scene, but after having problems finding original game ideas to cater for the moaning gamers who wanted more and more originality (and the shocking evidence that video games did in fact rot the brain), games died away like gamers brain cells. Not even the release of the PS3 & PS4 and the Microsoft NintendoGigaPlayBoxSphere could stop the sad decline.
The final nail in the games industries coffin was the violence issue. After ‘GTA: Beirut Bloodfest’ sunk to new lows in violence, depravity and religious mockery, campaigners with nothing better to do finally got their wishes and games were banned in 2020.
So now, a decade after video games died off, we revisit Super Mario to see how his digital life turned out:
Super Mario was the most famous and well-recognised games character on the planet.
He was famed for his moustache, gaudy clothing and his fantastic platform adventure games, Mario Kart/Tennis/Golf/Party and the ill-fated ‘Mario Mud Wrestling’.
Things were going great for Nintendo, however, because of the extreme compensation culture that exists in the United States, the Japanese gaming giants were left financially ruined after millions of dumb Americans filled lawsuits claiming their children were physiologically damaged when they realised that Pokemon weren’t real creatures after all. Microsoft soon snapped them up though and released Mario cash-in after Mario cash-in, each more terrible than the last until Mario was a sad shadow of his former self.
Shortly after the release of ‘Mario Ping-Pong’ and ‘Microsoft Train Simulator 2005 featuring Mario’ on Xbox-2, his cuddly, family friendly image took an extreme knock when it was revealed that having shacked up with Princess Peach after he rescued her from an over-sized 2D ginger ape in the mid 1980s, she was in fact under the age of consent for digital ‘how’s your father’.
In short, Mario was a cradle-snatching cad.
Having been sentenced to 10 years in a video game prison for his misdemeanours, along with disgraced stars like Captain Blasto, Bubsy the Bobcat and The Battletoads, plus many video game villains, the portly plumber became more and more eccentric.
Having served his time in incarceration, upon his release, he was given the cold shoulder by owners Microsoft as he didn’t fit into their famed family friendly image, and they didn’t want to be associated with the “paedophile plumber”.
So having signed a deal with a small development house, Mario made a comeback with “Mario Darkness” based upon his prison experiences. It was a dark and brooding tale about inner turmoil and brutality, set in a horrid nasty prison run by sadistic wardens and populated by fat prisoners with tattoos and a penchant for “fun in the shower room”. However, despite receiving critical acclaim from pretentious reviewers who love brooding tales about inner turmoil and stuff like that, the title flopped as the majority of Mario fans were disgusted by his sharp change in values and target audience.
In 2016, video games companies had found that sales were dwindling, but downloading holographic porn off the super fast ‘Internet 2’ was increasingly popular amongst the public, so they decided to cash in by creating more seedy games to cater for the demand for naked virtual flesh and rubber.
Mario, who was always one to flog a dead donkey according to his critics, soon jumped on the bandwagon and became a video game porn star, staring in games like ‘Super Mario Bumshine’, ‘Super Spank Bros’, ‘Mario Adult Party’, ‘Confessions of a Plumber’, ‘Mario’s Big Plumber’s Helper’ and many other distasteful titles. A nice bonus for Mario was that because he already looked like an adult entertainment star, he didn’t need to change his moustachioed image.
Taking the obvious cue from that, he later joined a virtual Village People tribute band and toured the Internet doing virtual concerts.
Mario lived the high life, but with all the success that being an adult entertainment and pop star brought, he wanted to go back to his roots. He yearned to be a video game star again, so he searched for his old buddies.
Having gone down a troubled path with all the Mario-Princess controversy, the famous Mario and Luigi double act had split when Luigi went off to become the third Chuckle Brother. Barry and Paul Chuckle (who now only exist in cyberspace) together with Luigi Chuckle had many great slapstick adventures and even a funny camcorder based TV show called ‘World’s Funniest DIY Disasters with The Chuckle Bros’. After only minor success, the Chuckle trio split and Luigi went his own way, living as a farmer. Mario tracked him down, old rifts were healed and they decided to make video games again.
Mario then met up with Donkey Kong, who after severing ties with Rare in the early 21st century had enjoyed success as the CGI monkey in Peter Jackson’s King Kong remake and as the CGI Clyde in the final part of the Every Which Way But Loose trilogy.
Bowser was putting his fiery hot breath to good use by working as a kebab shop oven, but he was more than happy to reprise his big bad villain role in video games again.
The re-formed team, together with all the other supporting Mario game cast members, continued to make excellent Mario games, right up until the big game banning in 2020.
Although games were now illegal, resistance gamer groups had formed, defying the laws, and underground games development studios were still churning out games, but after a few years, Mario decided to pack it in and finally retire (he was about 40 years old after all).
So although Mario has now retired to the quiet life of the video game OAP home, the fat plumber forever lives on in our hearts.
Mario, we salute you.
Next week: At home with Solid Snake, where we see the retired gruff sneaky stealth merchant at home with his pipe and slippers in front of a warm fire talking about how he frequently saved the world from giant robots, cyber ninjas and 8 foot mini-gun wielding genetically enhanced hamsters with guns, by using just macho talk, tough guy posturing, a cardboard box, cigarettes and a shed load of high-tech weaponry.
½pint wrote:
> Well done on the win. What's your MSN e-mail, by the way. Just
> wondering...
Has he told you uet, Ha Ha.
> Well done on the win. What's your MSN e-mail, by the way. Just
> wondering...
Has he told you uet, Ha Ha.
Excellent stuff.
Well done.
Well done.
El Blokey wrote:
> I have teh Midas Touch. Congrats.
No. He just has contacts.
> I have teh Midas Touch. Congrats.
No. He just has contacts.
Well done on the win. What's your MSN e-mail, by the way. Just wondering...
I have teh Midas Touch. Congrats.
Cheers dude, always nice to get positive feedback :)
I hope you win a GAD for that. Great stuff.
Hello, the year is 2030, and I’m your host robo Dominik Diamond.
Video games were a very popular past time in the late 20th early 21st century, but seeing as the world in 2030 is a bright and pleasant utopia refuting violence and violent entertainment, games are now sadly banned under subsection 48b of the ‘conspiracy to play evil violent brain rotting entertainment’ law.
There were many classic video games and many famous video game characters, but have you ever wondered what happened to those characters after they were famous?
In this first (and probably last) in the ‘After They Were Famous Video Game Character Specials’, we focus on the fortunes of ‘Super’ Mario after he was famous.
Like many rock & roll stars like Kurt Cobain, Elvis Presley, Gareth Gates and Robbie Williams, video games lived fast but died young.
Their popularity was extremely high when the Playstation 2, Gamecube and Xbox were on the scene, but after having problems finding original game ideas to cater for the moaning gamers who wanted more and more originality (and the shocking evidence that video games did in fact rot the brain), games died away like gamers brain cells. Not even the release of the PS3 & PS4 and the Microsoft NintendoGigaPlayBoxSphere could stop the sad decline.
The final nail in the games industries coffin was the violence issue. After ‘GTA: Beirut Bloodfest’ sunk to new lows in violence, depravity and religious mockery, campaigners with nothing better to do finally got their wishes and games were banned in 2020.
So now, a decade after video games died off, we revisit Super Mario to see how his digital life turned out:
Super Mario was the most famous and well-recognised games character on the planet.
He was famed for his moustache, gaudy clothing and his fantastic platform adventure games, Mario Kart/Tennis/Golf/Party and the ill-fated ‘Mario Mud Wrestling’.
Things were going great for Nintendo, however, because of the extreme compensation culture that exists in the United States, the Japanese gaming giants were left financially ruined after millions of dumb Americans filled lawsuits claiming their children were physiologically damaged when they realised that Pokemon weren’t real creatures after all. Microsoft soon snapped them up though and released Mario cash-in after Mario cash-in, each more terrible than the last until Mario was a sad shadow of his former self.
Shortly after the release of ‘Mario Ping-Pong’ and ‘Microsoft Train Simulator 2005 featuring Mario’ on Xbox-2, his cuddly, family friendly image took an extreme knock when it was revealed that having shacked up with Princess Peach after he rescued her from an over-sized 2D ginger ape in the mid 1980s, she was in fact under the age of consent for digital ‘how’s your father’.
In short, Mario was a cradle-snatching cad.
Having been sentenced to 10 years in a video game prison for his misdemeanours, along with disgraced stars like Captain Blasto, Bubsy the Bobcat and The Battletoads, plus many video game villains, the portly plumber became more and more eccentric.
Having served his time in incarceration, upon his release, he was given the cold shoulder by owners Microsoft as he didn’t fit into their famed family friendly image, and they didn’t want to be associated with the “paedophile plumber”.
So having signed a deal with a small development house, Mario made a comeback with “Mario Darkness” based upon his prison experiences. It was a dark and brooding tale about inner turmoil and brutality, set in a horrid nasty prison run by sadistic wardens and populated by fat prisoners with tattoos and a penchant for “fun in the shower room”. However, despite receiving critical acclaim from pretentious reviewers who love brooding tales about inner turmoil and stuff like that, the title flopped as the majority of Mario fans were disgusted by his sharp change in values and target audience.
In 2016, video games companies had found that sales were dwindling, but downloading holographic porn off the super fast ‘Internet 2’ was increasingly popular amongst the public, so they decided to cash in by creating more seedy games to cater for the demand for naked virtual flesh and rubber.
Mario, who was always one to flog a dead donkey according to his critics, soon jumped on the bandwagon and became a video game porn star, staring in games like ‘Super Mario Bumshine’, ‘Super Spank Bros’, ‘Mario Adult Party’, ‘Confessions of a Plumber’, ‘Mario’s Big Plumber’s Helper’ and many other distasteful titles. A nice bonus for Mario was that because he already looked like an adult entertainment star, he didn’t need to change his moustachioed image.
Taking the obvious cue from that, he later joined a virtual Village People tribute band and toured the Internet doing virtual concerts.
Mario lived the high life, but with all the success that being an adult entertainment and pop star brought, he wanted to go back to his roots. He yearned to be a video game star again, so he searched for his old buddies.
Having gone down a troubled path with all the Mario-Princess controversy, the famous Mario and Luigi double act had split when Luigi went off to become the third Chuckle Brother. Barry and Paul Chuckle (who now only exist in cyberspace) together with Luigi Chuckle had many great slapstick adventures and even a funny camcorder based TV show called ‘World’s Funniest DIY Disasters with The Chuckle Bros’. After only minor success, the Chuckle trio split and Luigi went his own way, living as a farmer. Mario tracked him down, old rifts were healed and they decided to make video games again.
Mario then met up with Donkey Kong, who after severing ties with Rare in the early 21st century had enjoyed success as the CGI monkey in Peter Jackson’s King Kong remake and as the CGI Clyde in the final part of the Every Which Way But Loose trilogy.
Bowser was putting his fiery hot breath to good use by working as a kebab shop oven, but he was more than happy to reprise his big bad villain role in video games again.
The re-formed team, together with all the other supporting Mario game cast members, continued to make excellent Mario games, right up until the big game banning in 2020.
Although games were now illegal, resistance gamer groups had formed, defying the laws, and underground games development studios were still churning out games, but after a few years, Mario decided to pack it in and finally retire (he was about 40 years old after all).
So although Mario has now retired to the quiet life of the video game OAP home, the fat plumber forever lives on in our hearts.
Mario, we salute you.
Next week: At home with Solid Snake, where we see the retired gruff sneaky stealth merchant at home with his pipe and slippers in front of a warm fire talking about how he frequently saved the world from giant robots, cyber ninjas and 8 foot mini-gun wielding genetically enhanced hamsters with guns, by using just macho talk, tough guy posturing, a cardboard box, cigarettes and a shed load of high-tech weaponry.
Video games were a very popular past time in the late 20th early 21st century, but seeing as the world in 2030 is a bright and pleasant utopia refuting violence and violent entertainment, games are now sadly banned under subsection 48b of the ‘conspiracy to play evil violent brain rotting entertainment’ law.
There were many classic video games and many famous video game characters, but have you ever wondered what happened to those characters after they were famous?
In this first (and probably last) in the ‘After They Were Famous Video Game Character Specials’, we focus on the fortunes of ‘Super’ Mario after he was famous.
Like many rock & roll stars like Kurt Cobain, Elvis Presley, Gareth Gates and Robbie Williams, video games lived fast but died young.
Their popularity was extremely high when the Playstation 2, Gamecube and Xbox were on the scene, but after having problems finding original game ideas to cater for the moaning gamers who wanted more and more originality (and the shocking evidence that video games did in fact rot the brain), games died away like gamers brain cells. Not even the release of the PS3 & PS4 and the Microsoft NintendoGigaPlayBoxSphere could stop the sad decline.
The final nail in the games industries coffin was the violence issue. After ‘GTA: Beirut Bloodfest’ sunk to new lows in violence, depravity and religious mockery, campaigners with nothing better to do finally got their wishes and games were banned in 2020.
So now, a decade after video games died off, we revisit Super Mario to see how his digital life turned out:
Super Mario was the most famous and well-recognised games character on the planet.
He was famed for his moustache, gaudy clothing and his fantastic platform adventure games, Mario Kart/Tennis/Golf/Party and the ill-fated ‘Mario Mud Wrestling’.
Things were going great for Nintendo, however, because of the extreme compensation culture that exists in the United States, the Japanese gaming giants were left financially ruined after millions of dumb Americans filled lawsuits claiming their children were physiologically damaged when they realised that Pokemon weren’t real creatures after all. Microsoft soon snapped them up though and released Mario cash-in after Mario cash-in, each more terrible than the last until Mario was a sad shadow of his former self.
Shortly after the release of ‘Mario Ping-Pong’ and ‘Microsoft Train Simulator 2005 featuring Mario’ on Xbox-2, his cuddly, family friendly image took an extreme knock when it was revealed that having shacked up with Princess Peach after he rescued her from an over-sized 2D ginger ape in the mid 1980s, she was in fact under the age of consent for digital ‘how’s your father’.
In short, Mario was a cradle-snatching cad.
Having been sentenced to 10 years in a video game prison for his misdemeanours, along with disgraced stars like Captain Blasto, Bubsy the Bobcat and The Battletoads, plus many video game villains, the portly plumber became more and more eccentric.
Having served his time in incarceration, upon his release, he was given the cold shoulder by owners Microsoft as he didn’t fit into their famed family friendly image, and they didn’t want to be associated with the “paedophile plumber”.
So having signed a deal with a small development house, Mario made a comeback with “Mario Darkness” based upon his prison experiences. It was a dark and brooding tale about inner turmoil and brutality, set in a horrid nasty prison run by sadistic wardens and populated by fat prisoners with tattoos and a penchant for “fun in the shower room”. However, despite receiving critical acclaim from pretentious reviewers who love brooding tales about inner turmoil and stuff like that, the title flopped as the majority of Mario fans were disgusted by his sharp change in values and target audience.
In 2016, video games companies had found that sales were dwindling, but downloading holographic porn off the super fast ‘Internet 2’ was increasingly popular amongst the public, so they decided to cash in by creating more seedy games to cater for the demand for naked virtual flesh and rubber.
Mario, who was always one to flog a dead donkey according to his critics, soon jumped on the bandwagon and became a video game porn star, staring in games like ‘Super Mario Bumshine’, ‘Super Spank Bros’, ‘Mario Adult Party’, ‘Confessions of a Plumber’, ‘Mario’s Big Plumber’s Helper’ and many other distasteful titles. A nice bonus for Mario was that because he already looked like an adult entertainment star, he didn’t need to change his moustachioed image.
Taking the obvious cue from that, he later joined a virtual Village People tribute band and toured the Internet doing virtual concerts.
Mario lived the high life, but with all the success that being an adult entertainment and pop star brought, he wanted to go back to his roots. He yearned to be a video game star again, so he searched for his old buddies.
Having gone down a troubled path with all the Mario-Princess controversy, the famous Mario and Luigi double act had split when Luigi went off to become the third Chuckle Brother. Barry and Paul Chuckle (who now only exist in cyberspace) together with Luigi Chuckle had many great slapstick adventures and even a funny camcorder based TV show called ‘World’s Funniest DIY Disasters with The Chuckle Bros’. After only minor success, the Chuckle trio split and Luigi went his own way, living as a farmer. Mario tracked him down, old rifts were healed and they decided to make video games again.
Mario then met up with Donkey Kong, who after severing ties with Rare in the early 21st century had enjoyed success as the CGI monkey in Peter Jackson’s King Kong remake and as the CGI Clyde in the final part of the Every Which Way But Loose trilogy.
Bowser was putting his fiery hot breath to good use by working as a kebab shop oven, but he was more than happy to reprise his big bad villain role in video games again.
The re-formed team, together with all the other supporting Mario game cast members, continued to make excellent Mario games, right up until the big game banning in 2020.
Although games were now illegal, resistance gamer groups had formed, defying the laws, and underground games development studios were still churning out games, but after a few years, Mario decided to pack it in and finally retire (he was about 40 years old after all).
So although Mario has now retired to the quiet life of the video game OAP home, the fat plumber forever lives on in our hearts.
Mario, we salute you.
Next week: At home with Solid Snake, where we see the retired gruff sneaky stealth merchant at home with his pipe and slippers in front of a warm fire talking about how he frequently saved the world from giant robots, cyber ninjas and 8 foot mini-gun wielding genetically enhanced hamsters with guns, by using just macho talk, tough guy posturing, a cardboard box, cigarettes and a shed load of high-tech weaponry.