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Young Boy distraught at “old console”
A young boy from Humberside today spoke of his horror at having “an old console”.
Whilst recent trend has been for parents to spend heavily on new consoles in an effort to buy their children’s affection, Geoff Barleymow, 8, awoke on his birthday to discover the shocking evidence.
Geoff tells of his horror morning:
“I got up early because it was my birthday and I had been asking for the Xbox for, like, ever. I know my parents feel guilty that they dump me in front of the television and expect it to raise me as a surrogate wet-nurse, so when I saw the big box under the tv I was over the moon”
However, Geoff soon discovered the terrible truth:
“I opened it up and was confused at first. It wasn’t the Xbox. It was something else, I can’t read very well so I waited for daddy to get up and come downstairs. I asked him what this was and he said it was called a Saturn.”
Things took a turn for the worse when Geoff tried to explain his unhappiness.
“I said what the f—k is this? Saturn? Who in the good f—k has one of these? My dad said they were all the rage once. Yeah and so were 12yr old prostitutes but I didn’t f—king ask for one of those did I?”
Geoff’s father tried to placate him by showing him the games available and how good they were. After playing both of them for an hour, Geoff was inconsolable.
“I smashed it to bits with a chair and tried to burn the house down, it’s no way to treat your firstborn is it? Can you even imagine the stick I’m going to get at school for this? F—k my stupid parents, f—k them right in their stupid a--.”
Studies show that treating your children with contempt, whilst amusing at dinner parties, can lead to feelings of resentment and hostility from the unhappy child.
Professor F Durst, from the University of Life, said “Yeah kids have it hard today. Parents don’t understand them, school sucks and jobs are hard. However, this is an easily exploitable market and a lucrative one. If one were cynical enough, you could posture and pretend to understand as a 31 year old millionaire head of Interscope Records. Those gimps lap that stuff up man.”
Geoff, having been tried as an adult in what is a landmark legal case, has taken to wearing a hoodie and carrying a skateboard around with him. Gone is the smiling visage of a child, now replaced with the sulken gruntings of a nu-metal chimpanzee. Geoff insists, for his next birthday, that his parents buy him a red baseball cap and 4 mates to form a cross-over nu-new romantic metal band called “Won’t Clean My Room!”.
Barrister for the Barleymows, John Davidson, gave a statement to the press:
“Geoff feels that he has been slighted by a society that doesn’t treat little kids like adults. As a result of this, Geoff has divorced himself and declared that he is to be known as a 28 yr old rapper called MC Stabmaster Ice-Cream. You f---ing p---face c----“
Davidson then spat at the reporters and punched his dog in the face before laughing and running away like a girl.
A young boy from Humberside today spoke of his horror at having “an old console”.
Whilst recent trend has been for parents to spend heavily on new consoles in an effort to buy their children’s affection, Geoff Barleymow, 8, awoke on his birthday to discover the shocking evidence.
Geoff tells of his horror morning:
“I got up early because it was my birthday and I had been asking for the Xbox for, like, ever. I know my parents feel guilty that they dump me in front of the television and expect it to raise me as a surrogate wet-nurse, so when I saw the big box under the tv I was over the moon”
However, Geoff soon discovered the terrible truth:
“I opened it up and was confused at first. It wasn’t the Xbox. It was something else, I can’t read very well so I waited for daddy to get up and come downstairs. I asked him what this was and he said it was called a Saturn.”
Things took a turn for the worse when Geoff tried to explain his unhappiness.
“I said what the f—k is this? Saturn? Who in the good f—k has one of these? My dad said they were all the rage once. Yeah and so were 12yr old prostitutes but I didn’t f—king ask for one of those did I?”
Geoff’s father tried to placate him by showing him the games available and how good they were. After playing both of them for an hour, Geoff was inconsolable.
“I smashed it to bits with a chair and tried to burn the house down, it’s no way to treat your firstborn is it? Can you even imagine the stick I’m going to get at school for this? F—k my stupid parents, f—k them right in their stupid a--.”
Studies show that treating your children with contempt, whilst amusing at dinner parties, can lead to feelings of resentment and hostility from the unhappy child.
Professor F Durst, from the University of Life, said “Yeah kids have it hard today. Parents don’t understand them, school sucks and jobs are hard. However, this is an easily exploitable market and a lucrative one. If one were cynical enough, you could posture and pretend to understand as a 31 year old millionaire head of Interscope Records. Those gimps lap that stuff up man.”
Geoff, having been tried as an adult in what is a landmark legal case, has taken to wearing a hoodie and carrying a skateboard around with him. Gone is the smiling visage of a child, now replaced with the sulken gruntings of a nu-metal chimpanzee. Geoff insists, for his next birthday, that his parents buy him a red baseball cap and 4 mates to form a cross-over nu-new romantic metal band called “Won’t Clean My Room!”.
Barrister for the Barleymows, John Davidson, gave a statement to the press:
“Geoff feels that he has been slighted by a society that doesn’t treat little kids like adults. As a result of this, Geoff has divorced himself and declared that he is to be known as a 28 yr old rapper called MC Stabmaster Ice-Cream. You f---ing p---face c----“
Davidson then spat at the reporters and punched his dog in the face before laughing and running away like a girl.
I have no idea at all.
It's ok for you lot, you just get to read what I post.
Imagine having this sort of bilge in your head 24/7.
I need help.
It's ok for you lot, you just get to read what I post.
Imagine having this sort of bilge in your head 24/7.
I need help.
Goatboy wrote:
“I said what the f—k is
> this? Saturn? Who in the good f—k has one of these? My dad said they were all
> the rage once. Yeah and so were 12yr old prostitutes but I didn’t f—king ask for
> one of those did I?”
“I smashed it to bits with a chair and tried to burn
> the house down, it’s no way to treat your firstborn is it? As a
> result of this, Geoff has divorced himself and declared that he is to be known
> as a 28 yr old rapper called MC Stabmaster Ice-Cream. You f---ing p---face
> c----“
Davidson then spat at the reporters and punched his dog in the face
> before laughing and running away like a girl.
This is pure genius. How do you think up all of this?
“I said what the f—k is
> this? Saturn? Who in the good f—k has one of these? My dad said they were all
> the rage once. Yeah and so were 12yr old prostitutes but I didn’t f—king ask for
> one of those did I?”
“I smashed it to bits with a chair and tried to burn
> the house down, it’s no way to treat your firstborn is it? As a
> result of this, Geoff has divorced himself and declared that he is to be known
> as a 28 yr old rapper called MC Stabmaster Ice-Cream. You f---ing p---face
> c----“
Davidson then spat at the reporters and punched his dog in the face
> before laughing and running away like a girl.
This is pure genius. How do you think up all of this?
Dis guy iz my bestest fwend an i dun fink yo shood bee taykin da mik lik dat.
Nice attack on Fred Durst there, and the boy Davidson did us proud once again.
a welcome improvement to my English lesson....
Thanks Goaty
Thanks Goaty
Young Boy distraught at “old console”
A young boy from Humberside today spoke of his horror at having “an old console”.
Whilst recent trend has been for parents to spend heavily on new consoles in an effort to buy their children’s affection, Geoff Barleymow, 8, awoke on his birthday to discover the shocking evidence.
Geoff tells of his horror morning:
“I got up early because it was my birthday and I had been asking for the Xbox for, like, ever. I know my parents feel guilty that they dump me in front of the television and expect it to raise me as a surrogate wet-nurse, so when I saw the big box under the tv I was over the moon”
However, Geoff soon discovered the terrible truth:
“I opened it up and was confused at first. It wasn’t the Xbox. It was something else, I can’t read very well so I waited for daddy to get up and come downstairs. I asked him what this was and he said it was called a Saturn.”
Things took a turn for the worse when Geoff tried to explain his unhappiness.
“I said what the f—k is this? Saturn? Who in the good f—k has one of these? My dad said they were all the rage once. Yeah and so were 12yr old prostitutes but I didn’t f—king ask for one of those did I?”
Geoff’s father tried to placate him by showing him the games available and how good they were. After playing both of them for an hour, Geoff was inconsolable.
“I smashed it to bits with a chair and tried to burn the house down, it’s no way to treat your firstborn is it? Can you even imagine the stick I’m going to get at school for this? F—k my stupid parents, f—k them right in their stupid a--.”
Studies show that treating your children with contempt, whilst amusing at dinner parties, can lead to feelings of resentment and hostility from the unhappy child.
Professor F Durst, from the University of Life, said “Yeah kids have it hard today. Parents don’t understand them, school sucks and jobs are hard. However, this is an easily exploitable market and a lucrative one. If one were cynical enough, you could posture and pretend to understand as a 31 year old millionaire head of Interscope Records. Those gimps lap that stuff up man.”
Geoff, having been tried as an adult in what is a landmark legal case, has taken to wearing a hoodie and carrying a skateboard around with him. Gone is the smiling visage of a child, now replaced with the sulken gruntings of a nu-metal chimpanzee. Geoff insists, for his next birthday, that his parents buy him a red baseball cap and 4 mates to form a cross-over nu-new romantic metal band called “Won’t Clean My Room!”.
Barrister for the Barleymows, John Davidson, gave a statement to the press:
“Geoff feels that he has been slighted by a society that doesn’t treat little kids like adults. As a result of this, Geoff has divorced himself and declared that he is to be known as a 28 yr old rapper called MC Stabmaster Ice-Cream. You f---ing p---face c----“
Davidson then spat at the reporters and punched his dog in the face before laughing and running away like a girl.
A young boy from Humberside today spoke of his horror at having “an old console”.
Whilst recent trend has been for parents to spend heavily on new consoles in an effort to buy their children’s affection, Geoff Barleymow, 8, awoke on his birthday to discover the shocking evidence.
Geoff tells of his horror morning:
“I got up early because it was my birthday and I had been asking for the Xbox for, like, ever. I know my parents feel guilty that they dump me in front of the television and expect it to raise me as a surrogate wet-nurse, so when I saw the big box under the tv I was over the moon”
However, Geoff soon discovered the terrible truth:
“I opened it up and was confused at first. It wasn’t the Xbox. It was something else, I can’t read very well so I waited for daddy to get up and come downstairs. I asked him what this was and he said it was called a Saturn.”
Things took a turn for the worse when Geoff tried to explain his unhappiness.
“I said what the f—k is this? Saturn? Who in the good f—k has one of these? My dad said they were all the rage once. Yeah and so were 12yr old prostitutes but I didn’t f—king ask for one of those did I?”
Geoff’s father tried to placate him by showing him the games available and how good they were. After playing both of them for an hour, Geoff was inconsolable.
“I smashed it to bits with a chair and tried to burn the house down, it’s no way to treat your firstborn is it? Can you even imagine the stick I’m going to get at school for this? F—k my stupid parents, f—k them right in their stupid a--.”
Studies show that treating your children with contempt, whilst amusing at dinner parties, can lead to feelings of resentment and hostility from the unhappy child.
Professor F Durst, from the University of Life, said “Yeah kids have it hard today. Parents don’t understand them, school sucks and jobs are hard. However, this is an easily exploitable market and a lucrative one. If one were cynical enough, you could posture and pretend to understand as a 31 year old millionaire head of Interscope Records. Those gimps lap that stuff up man.”
Geoff, having been tried as an adult in what is a landmark legal case, has taken to wearing a hoodie and carrying a skateboard around with him. Gone is the smiling visage of a child, now replaced with the sulken gruntings of a nu-metal chimpanzee. Geoff insists, for his next birthday, that his parents buy him a red baseball cap and 4 mates to form a cross-over nu-new romantic metal band called “Won’t Clean My Room!”.
Barrister for the Barleymows, John Davidson, gave a statement to the press:
“Geoff feels that he has been slighted by a society that doesn’t treat little kids like adults. As a result of this, Geoff has divorced himself and declared that he is to be known as a 28 yr old rapper called MC Stabmaster Ice-Cream. You f---ing p---face c----“
Davidson then spat at the reporters and punched his dog in the face before laughing and running away like a girl.