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Reality Games.
Tomb Raider
You play a top heavy archaeologist that spends 4 months carefully removing top layers of soil in order to discover the ancient tomb of Mum-Raa.
Once discovered, you carefully catalogue all treasures and supervise their removal for public display in museums thousands of miles away in England.
Soldier of Fortune 2: Double Helix
You are John Mullins, former mercenary.
You have to spend months advising a games company on how best to glorify your time spent as a hired killer in various hotspots around the country. Much of your time is spent giving interviews to nerdy games mags about how dangerous your life was, whereas now your time is spent going to Tesco and reading “Soldier of Fortune” moaning about how it was different when you did it.
Sometimes you smear yourself with cammo paint and hide in your garden, until your wife calls you in for tea, where you whisper “Lucky escape commie scum” to the neighbour’s dog you’ve been stalking with a pointy stick.
Metal Gear Solid
As a top-secret agent, much of your time is spent liasing with locals to gain intelligence on yet-another secret military base with massive doors that aren’t exactly difficult to spot.
Having gathered the data, you then await confirmation from HQ on exactly what you are supposed to do. This involves going about your daily stuff waiting for a phone call.
After 3 months, you get the phone call and are told to hide in the snow and photgraph the perimeter of the place but to not engage, that shall be the work of trained and funded local resistance fighters.
You wait back at the base camp playing Unreal Tourny on your laptop and batting away dirty faced, eager children that try to touch your stuff
Mario’s Something or Other
You are Mario, plumbing genius.
The levels consist of you being called out to various domestic plumbing issues, where you have to inhale through clenched teeth and say “I’m a gonna need a special part for dis!” and then go off to the depot to collect the various implements needed.
Having completed the job, you then collect coins. To the value of the job you have just carried out.
There is a dragon involved, but it’s in a kid’s cupboard and you have to move it to one side in order to reach the faulty U-bend that’s been causing so much trouble lately.
FIFA 2003
As a top-class player, you have to spend pre-seasons securing all manner of sponsorship deals to ensure that when you reach 32, you can retire from the game of retards with enough money to keep you in drugs and prostitutes for the remainder of your day.
Every other game, you decide what the colour of the new strip shall be and how long you will spend running about being kissed by other men because you scored a game.
There is always the option of hitching up with a mediocre pop singer or model/actress/whatever to make certain you keep that all important public profile high.
Tomb Raider
You play a top heavy archaeologist that spends 4 months carefully removing top layers of soil in order to discover the ancient tomb of Mum-Raa.
Once discovered, you carefully catalogue all treasures and supervise their removal for public display in museums thousands of miles away in England.
Soldier of Fortune 2: Double Helix
You are John Mullins, former mercenary.
You have to spend months advising a games company on how best to glorify your time spent as a hired killer in various hotspots around the country. Much of your time is spent giving interviews to nerdy games mags about how dangerous your life was, whereas now your time is spent going to Tesco and reading “Soldier of Fortune” moaning about how it was different when you did it.
Sometimes you smear yourself with cammo paint and hide in your garden, until your wife calls you in for tea, where you whisper “Lucky escape commie scum” to the neighbour’s dog you’ve been stalking with a pointy stick.
Metal Gear Solid
As a top-secret agent, much of your time is spent liasing with locals to gain intelligence on yet-another secret military base with massive doors that aren’t exactly difficult to spot.
Having gathered the data, you then await confirmation from HQ on exactly what you are supposed to do. This involves going about your daily stuff waiting for a phone call.
After 3 months, you get the phone call and are told to hide in the snow and photgraph the perimeter of the place but to not engage, that shall be the work of trained and funded local resistance fighters.
You wait back at the base camp playing Unreal Tourny on your laptop and batting away dirty faced, eager children that try to touch your stuff
Mario’s Something or Other
You are Mario, plumbing genius.
The levels consist of you being called out to various domestic plumbing issues, where you have to inhale through clenched teeth and say “I’m a gonna need a special part for dis!” and then go off to the depot to collect the various implements needed.
Having completed the job, you then collect coins. To the value of the job you have just carried out.
There is a dragon involved, but it’s in a kid’s cupboard and you have to move it to one side in order to reach the faulty U-bend that’s been causing so much trouble lately.
FIFA 2003
As a top-class player, you have to spend pre-seasons securing all manner of sponsorship deals to ensure that when you reach 32, you can retire from the game of retards with enough money to keep you in drugs and prostitutes for the remainder of your day.
Every other game, you decide what the colour of the new strip shall be and how long you will spend running about being kissed by other men because you scored a game.
There is always the option of hitching up with a mediocre pop singer or model/actress/whatever to make certain you keep that all important public profile high.
Yep.
You don;t get any special punch for knocking it out.
Each character's story is
(a) Being told about new opponent
(b) Fighting new opponent
(c) Next venue
Except for this dude, who in the middle of his title quest gets to smash a bear in the face until it collapes.
Random fights with land-based mammals for no other purpose other than comedy.
And he goes right back to people boxing afterwards, with no mention made.
You don;t get any special punch for knocking it out.
Each character's story is
(a) Being told about new opponent
(b) Fighting new opponent
(c) Next venue
Except for this dude, who in the middle of his title quest gets to smash a bear in the face until it collapes.
Random fights with land-based mammals for no other purpose other than comedy.
And he goes right back to people boxing afterwards, with no mention made.
Excellent! Random battles with big mammals.
Oh man, that made me remember:
Victorious Boxers on the PS2, a Japanese boxing game.
One of the characters has to box a bear in the woods.
A real bear that stands on it's hindlegs and swipes at you.
You can uppercut it whilst it lumbers around and knock it out.
Honestly, you can punch a bear in the face.
One of the most surreal moments in my video-gaming history, came from out of nowhere and no other character has to fight anything other than human opponents.
Victorious Boxers on the PS2, a Japanese boxing game.
One of the characters has to box a bear in the woods.
A real bear that stands on it's hindlegs and swipes at you.
You can uppercut it whilst it lumbers around and knock it out.
Honestly, you can punch a bear in the face.
One of the most surreal moments in my video-gaming history, came from out of nowhere and no other character has to fight anything other than human opponents.
The dizzy heights of a plumber, ah joy.
At least the next Mario game features water, so it's slightly linked to plumbing.
I guess most Nintendo games would be screwed if they came under the catergory reality games.
Banjo Kazooie had you saving another bear or something. In reality, you, a bear, are unable to do anything when your sister is taken to go live in a zoo. Take a dump, then try to steal some honey from the bees.
Actually, that sounds good....
At least the next Mario game features water, so it's slightly linked to plumbing.
I guess most Nintendo games would be screwed if they came under the catergory reality games.
Banjo Kazooie had you saving another bear or something. In reality, you, a bear, are unable to do anything when your sister is taken to go live in a zoo. Take a dump, then try to steal some honey from the bees.
Actually, that sounds good....
Reality Games.
Tomb Raider
You play a top heavy archaeologist that spends 4 months carefully removing top layers of soil in order to discover the ancient tomb of Mum-Raa.
Once discovered, you carefully catalogue all treasures and supervise their removal for public display in museums thousands of miles away in England.
Soldier of Fortune 2: Double Helix
You are John Mullins, former mercenary.
You have to spend months advising a games company on how best to glorify your time spent as a hired killer in various hotspots around the country. Much of your time is spent giving interviews to nerdy games mags about how dangerous your life was, whereas now your time is spent going to Tesco and reading “Soldier of Fortune” moaning about how it was different when you did it.
Sometimes you smear yourself with cammo paint and hide in your garden, until your wife calls you in for tea, where you whisper “Lucky escape commie scum” to the neighbour’s dog you’ve been stalking with a pointy stick.
Metal Gear Solid
As a top-secret agent, much of your time is spent liasing with locals to gain intelligence on yet-another secret military base with massive doors that aren’t exactly difficult to spot.
Having gathered the data, you then await confirmation from HQ on exactly what you are supposed to do. This involves going about your daily stuff waiting for a phone call.
After 3 months, you get the phone call and are told to hide in the snow and photgraph the perimeter of the place but to not engage, that shall be the work of trained and funded local resistance fighters.
You wait back at the base camp playing Unreal Tourny on your laptop and batting away dirty faced, eager children that try to touch your stuff
Mario’s Something or Other
You are Mario, plumbing genius.
The levels consist of you being called out to various domestic plumbing issues, where you have to inhale through clenched teeth and say “I’m a gonna need a special part for dis!” and then go off to the depot to collect the various implements needed.
Having completed the job, you then collect coins. To the value of the job you have just carried out.
There is a dragon involved, but it’s in a kid’s cupboard and you have to move it to one side in order to reach the faulty U-bend that’s been causing so much trouble lately.
FIFA 2003
As a top-class player, you have to spend pre-seasons securing all manner of sponsorship deals to ensure that when you reach 32, you can retire from the game of retards with enough money to keep you in drugs and prostitutes for the remainder of your day.
Every other game, you decide what the colour of the new strip shall be and how long you will spend running about being kissed by other men because you scored a game.
There is always the option of hitching up with a mediocre pop singer or model/actress/whatever to make certain you keep that all important public profile high.
Tomb Raider
You play a top heavy archaeologist that spends 4 months carefully removing top layers of soil in order to discover the ancient tomb of Mum-Raa.
Once discovered, you carefully catalogue all treasures and supervise their removal for public display in museums thousands of miles away in England.
Soldier of Fortune 2: Double Helix
You are John Mullins, former mercenary.
You have to spend months advising a games company on how best to glorify your time spent as a hired killer in various hotspots around the country. Much of your time is spent giving interviews to nerdy games mags about how dangerous your life was, whereas now your time is spent going to Tesco and reading “Soldier of Fortune” moaning about how it was different when you did it.
Sometimes you smear yourself with cammo paint and hide in your garden, until your wife calls you in for tea, where you whisper “Lucky escape commie scum” to the neighbour’s dog you’ve been stalking with a pointy stick.
Metal Gear Solid
As a top-secret agent, much of your time is spent liasing with locals to gain intelligence on yet-another secret military base with massive doors that aren’t exactly difficult to spot.
Having gathered the data, you then await confirmation from HQ on exactly what you are supposed to do. This involves going about your daily stuff waiting for a phone call.
After 3 months, you get the phone call and are told to hide in the snow and photgraph the perimeter of the place but to not engage, that shall be the work of trained and funded local resistance fighters.
You wait back at the base camp playing Unreal Tourny on your laptop and batting away dirty faced, eager children that try to touch your stuff
Mario’s Something or Other
You are Mario, plumbing genius.
The levels consist of you being called out to various domestic plumbing issues, where you have to inhale through clenched teeth and say “I’m a gonna need a special part for dis!” and then go off to the depot to collect the various implements needed.
Having completed the job, you then collect coins. To the value of the job you have just carried out.
There is a dragon involved, but it’s in a kid’s cupboard and you have to move it to one side in order to reach the faulty U-bend that’s been causing so much trouble lately.
FIFA 2003
As a top-class player, you have to spend pre-seasons securing all manner of sponsorship deals to ensure that when you reach 32, you can retire from the game of retards with enough money to keep you in drugs and prostitutes for the remainder of your day.
Every other game, you decide what the colour of the new strip shall be and how long you will spend running about being kissed by other men because you scored a game.
There is always the option of hitching up with a mediocre pop singer or model/actress/whatever to make certain you keep that all important public profile high.