The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Or how newsmonkey might do reviews if he were drunk...
Tony Hawks Pro Skater 4
-----------------------
I was hoping for great things in this game, but I'm sorry to say that I'm totally unimpressed at the moment. After putting the game in the PS2, I just couldn't understand that the graphics were so bland and black. Then I realised that I had the Gamecube version and changed consoles.
Ah, that was better, bright colours and a bloke on a skateboard filled the screen. I was ready to go. Imagine my surprise then, when I got to the options menu, I couldn't find the ice skating anywhere! All they had was skateboarding people, all decked out in t-shirts an holey jeans, no Torvill, no Dean, no dinky 17 year old skaters in short skirts, call this a Pro Skating game? It hasn't even got the most important skating element in it. It hasn't even got Roller Staking...mad.
3 Monkeys out of 10
Timesplitters 2
---------------
This is a good game. How do I know this? Well, apart from playing it I know that it has monkeys in it. There you go, gets my approval already. But wait, not only that but it has level designers so you can make whole levels of monkeys. Great.
100 Monkeys out of 10
Godzilla
--------
Raah! Fire breath and tail whips, and that's just me after a curry. Godzilla is a great fighting game, you can play as the big lizard or as one of his many foes, but the problem is that these reptiles cause so much damage to their surroundings, including zoos. I mean, what if there were innocent monkeys in there? Bah, no thought these lizards.
6 Monkeys out of 10
Tony Hawks Pro Skater 4
-----------------------
I was hoping for great things in this game, but I'm sorry to say that I'm totally unimpressed at the moment. After putting the game in the PS2, I just couldn't understand that the graphics were so bland and black. Then I realised that I had the Gamecube version and changed consoles.
Ah, that was better, bright colours and a bloke on a skateboard filled the screen. I was ready to go. Imagine my surprise then, when I got to the options menu, I couldn't find the ice skating anywhere! All they had was skateboarding people, all decked out in t-shirts an holey jeans, no Torvill, no Dean, no dinky 17 year old skaters in short skirts, call this a Pro Skating game? It hasn't even got the most important skating element in it. It hasn't even got Roller Staking...mad.
3 Monkeys out of 10
Timesplitters 2
---------------
This is a good game. How do I know this? Well, apart from playing it I know that it has monkeys in it. There you go, gets my approval already. But wait, not only that but it has level designers so you can make whole levels of monkeys. Great.
100 Monkeys out of 10
Godzilla
--------
Raah! Fire breath and tail whips, and that's just me after a curry. Godzilla is a great fighting game, you can play as the big lizard or as one of his many foes, but the problem is that these reptiles cause so much damage to their surroundings, including zoos. I mean, what if there were innocent monkeys in there? Bah, no thought these lizards.
6 Monkeys out of 10
Ho ho.....
:-)
:-)
LOTR: The Two Towers
--------------------
What's all this about then? Elves and goblins, bah, doesn't look like they have any monkeys in middle earth, does it? I hacked and slashed my way across, until I got to the controller that was, then sat down to play the game. Should have had a banana instead. Only the nice foilage saved this game, reminded me of home.
4 Monkeys out of 10
--------------------
What's all this about then? Elves and goblins, bah, doesn't look like they have any monkeys in middle earth, does it? I hacked and slashed my way across, until I got to the controller that was, then sat down to play the game. Should have had a banana instead. Only the nice foilage saved this game, reminded me of home.
4 Monkeys out of 10
Sorry about the double!
How about:
GTA: Vice city..
Roght, Trundled home with this game after a seesion at the pub, to see what all the fuss was about, slapped it in, went the the toilet and played, its no fun whatsoever, they've taken out all the killing, and all you do is drive around dirtracks.
Realised Im playing Colin Mcrae three, hit playstation and have to get my brother monkeys as I tipped my can into it.
Threw it in, loaded it up, pressed play on my C64 and fell asleep. Nice loading sequence though, not quite sure why I needed a C64, lucky I had one though....
9 monkeys out of ten. Felt a bit let down by the lack of full hardcore porn, although nice loading sequence.
GTA: Vice city..
Roght, Trundled home with this game after a seesion at the pub, to see what all the fuss was about, slapped it in, went the the toilet and played, its no fun whatsoever, they've taken out all the killing, and all you do is drive around dirtracks.
Realised Im playing Colin Mcrae three, hit playstation and have to get my brother monkeys as I tipped my can into it.
Threw it in, loaded it up, pressed play on my C64 and fell asleep. Nice loading sequence though, not quite sure why I needed a C64, lucky I had one though....
9 monkeys out of ten. Felt a bit let down by the lack of full hardcore porn, although nice loading sequence.
How about:
GTA: Vice city..
Roght, Trundled home with this game after a seesion at the pub, to see what all the fuss was about, slapped it in, went the the toilet and played, its no fun whatsoever, they've taken out all the killing, and all you do is drive aqround dirtracks.
Realised Im playing Colin Mcrae three, hit playstation and have to get my brother monkeys as I tipped my can into it.
Threw it in, loaded it up and fell alseep. Nice loading sequence though.
9 monkeys out of ten. Felt a bit let down by the lack of full hardcore porn, although nice loading sequence.
GTA: Vice city..
Roght, Trundled home with this game after a seesion at the pub, to see what all the fuss was about, slapped it in, went the the toilet and played, its no fun whatsoever, they've taken out all the killing, and all you do is drive aqround dirtracks.
Realised Im playing Colin Mcrae three, hit playstation and have to get my brother monkeys as I tipped my can into it.
Threw it in, loaded it up and fell alseep. Nice loading sequence though.
9 monkeys out of ten. Felt a bit let down by the lack of full hardcore porn, although nice loading sequence.
How about a panel of monkeys to rate the games?
"Four monkeys indicated they liked this game, two weren't fussed, one clearly didn't like it, two of them are having sex in the corner and we have no idea where the other one is."
"Four monkeys indicated they liked this game, two weren't fussed, one clearly didn't like it, two of them are having sex in the corner and we have no idea where the other one is."
um.. k
Or how newsmonkey might do reviews if he were drunk...
Tony Hawks Pro Skater 4
-----------------------
I was hoping for great things in this game, but I'm sorry to say that I'm totally unimpressed at the moment. After putting the game in the PS2, I just couldn't understand that the graphics were so bland and black. Then I realised that I had the Gamecube version and changed consoles.
Ah, that was better, bright colours and a bloke on a skateboard filled the screen. I was ready to go. Imagine my surprise then, when I got to the options menu, I couldn't find the ice skating anywhere! All they had was skateboarding people, all decked out in t-shirts an holey jeans, no Torvill, no Dean, no dinky 17 year old skaters in short skirts, call this a Pro Skating game? It hasn't even got the most important skating element in it. It hasn't even got Roller Staking...mad.
3 Monkeys out of 10
Timesplitters 2
---------------
This is a good game. How do I know this? Well, apart from playing it I know that it has monkeys in it. There you go, gets my approval already. But wait, not only that but it has level designers so you can make whole levels of monkeys. Great.
100 Monkeys out of 10
Godzilla
--------
Raah! Fire breath and tail whips, and that's just me after a curry. Godzilla is a great fighting game, you can play as the big lizard or as one of his many foes, but the problem is that these reptiles cause so much damage to their surroundings, including zoos. I mean, what if there were innocent monkeys in there? Bah, no thought these lizards.
6 Monkeys out of 10
Tony Hawks Pro Skater 4
-----------------------
I was hoping for great things in this game, but I'm sorry to say that I'm totally unimpressed at the moment. After putting the game in the PS2, I just couldn't understand that the graphics were so bland and black. Then I realised that I had the Gamecube version and changed consoles.
Ah, that was better, bright colours and a bloke on a skateboard filled the screen. I was ready to go. Imagine my surprise then, when I got to the options menu, I couldn't find the ice skating anywhere! All they had was skateboarding people, all decked out in t-shirts an holey jeans, no Torvill, no Dean, no dinky 17 year old skaters in short skirts, call this a Pro Skating game? It hasn't even got the most important skating element in it. It hasn't even got Roller Staking...mad.
3 Monkeys out of 10
Timesplitters 2
---------------
This is a good game. How do I know this? Well, apart from playing it I know that it has monkeys in it. There you go, gets my approval already. But wait, not only that but it has level designers so you can make whole levels of monkeys. Great.
100 Monkeys out of 10
Godzilla
--------
Raah! Fire breath and tail whips, and that's just me after a curry. Godzilla is a great fighting game, you can play as the big lizard or as one of his many foes, but the problem is that these reptiles cause so much damage to their surroundings, including zoos. I mean, what if there were innocent monkeys in there? Bah, no thought these lizards.
6 Monkeys out of 10