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I’ve seen the future, and its not nice…
Stumbling back home after a night’s consumption of a heady cocktail of Al’s Cider and Walker’s Cheese and Onion crisps I managed to find my room and decided that, for the sake of my molecular brain structure, I should stimulate my brain. I turned, of course, to videogames. Nintendo 64, PC, Dreamcast. After exhausting my videogames collection I slumped in a corner and fell into a deep, deep, sleep, the sounds of Big Boo’s Haunt still ringing in my ears. Hypnotised by the melodic rumblings of Nintendo I slipped into a world where games had changed beyond all recognition. I had slipped into the future, and I did not like what I saw…
‘Behold, for what you see before you is a vintage 1995 antique, the Sony Playstation!’
‘Ooooh, aaaaah’ gasped the people around me. I looked up, trying to get a grip on my surroundings. I appeared to be in Special Reserve, but why the commotion? And just what are those strange looking chairs? (More on that later) ‘Going, going, gone! Sold to that Bill Gates model at the back for 1 trillion Sonys!’ My ears pricked up. What’s a Sony? Why is Bill Gates is here? Wait a second, Bill Gates is a model? Wow, I must have had a lot to drink. Anyway, I can’t pass this opportunity I must get his autograph! I ran over to him, Nokia 2165A Mini Mobile PC in hand, and excitedly tapped him on the back. ‘Excuse me, Mr Gates, I love your work, can I please have... your…Mr Gates?’ I suddenly spotted a green tinge in his eyes – he looked weird. I turned around and patted the person behind me on the shoulder.’ Excuse me Sir, but what is wrong with Bill?
‘What’s wrong with Bill? Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahah! *gasps for fresh air* Mwhahahahahahahahahah! Bill Gates is the biggest loser in the world! Where have you been for the last century?’
‘What!!!!!!’ I said. I could not believe the catastrophic news I had just heard. When I went to sleep the year was 2002 – but now, I’m living in…a time…in a time… when Bill Gates is a loser? I looked back at Bill. To tell you the truth he did look pretty grim. His hair was greying, his brown corduroy slacks were a little dirty and he had stupid glasses. Wait a second, that’s the Bill Gates of 2002! I needed more information. What happened?
The man turned round again and filled me in on the whole story. ‘Sometime in 2019, Bill Gates had reached the peak of his powers. The Console wars had been waged for 18 years, but unfortunately Nintendo had fallen out of the race four years earlier, eventually bought out by the megalomaniacs at Fisher Price after the Gamecube monopolised the 2-7 market. But rather than continue as before, Bill got greedy. In order to beat the forces of Sony he decided to clone himself, and banked on his superior intelligence to overcome the overwhelming coolness of Sony, who could count on Jamie Oliver and Geri Halliwell to smash the opposition. After six months of war the army of Bill Gates were winning and Bill was starting to draw up plans for world re-domination. But suddenly the clones started to malfunction! Sony destroyed the clones and eventually took over the world (hence Sonys became the currency) and Bill Gates became a tramp. That Bill Gates next to you is the only clone that survived, but he became successful after a kiss-and-tell to the newspapers’.
‘Wow’, I thought. ‘But why did the clones malfunction?’
‘They were using Windows XP’, he replied.
Woah, that is some story I thought as I stumbled across to one of those chairs. I sat in it and was transported to the buying section of SR. I looked at the selection of games and gasped. It was all Sony. Shelf after shelf after shelf. I looked at the selection of games, and to put it frankly, they horrified me. Tomb Raider 12: The Search for the Lost Hairbrush, Ridge Racer XV, Fifa: Road to the Macclesfield Sunday League Cup and SuperMegaBrandSpankingNewTekkenTagTournamentTurboExtra. ‘Jesus, where has the originality gone?’ I transported back to the main hub and stepped outside. Then it struck me. I still didn’t know what year it was. I looked for a newspaper and found The Head (apparently the Sun fizzled out earlier that century and light was now made by shining a torch on Fabien Barthez’s head and reflecting it). Then I saw it…the year was 2102! What was I going to do?
To Be Continued…
Thanks for reading; I’d love to hear feedback
RM18
PART 2
I was in shock. 2102! I flicked through the newspaper, looking on in awe at some of the headlines.
GEORGE W.J (for Jebediah) BUSH JR. JR. HAS SPEECH THERAPY. About time.
BROOKLYN BECKHAM VOTED UGLIEST, MOST UNFASHIONABLE PERSON IN THE GALAXY. Wow, times have really changed.
MANCHESTER UTD WIN THE SONY EUROPREMIERSHIP A TITLE FOR THE 98th CONSECUTIVE YEAR. Maybe not.
Putting the newspaper down, I wandered around in an attempt to gauge my surroundings. The world didn’t look that different. I noticed that a lot of things were recycled. The pavement seemed to be made out of old computer games magazines (I later was to find out Sony banned them in 2065 after one reviewer didn’t show bias towards them). Wow, look over there! An entire 67storey building made out of old 3D0 Army Men games. Finally, someone found something to do with them. The surrounding light was a little hazy and there was a strange geeky smell nearby. Oh, that’s just Bill Gates standing behind me again.
Suddenly, I noticed an antique shop; ‘Time B.S.’ (before Sony) and not only did they have games consoles in the window, but my favourite Nintendo games consoles. I ran through the shop portal with anticipation, and when I got there I couldn’t believe what I saw. A frail old man was standing behind the counter. Then I recognised him.
‘Shigsy! Is it that you? It is you!’ He seemed incredibly old. What were those bolts in his neck?
‘Yeah, its me’, he replied sluggishly.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. T…th…the Shigsy? Father of Mario, Creator of Zelda, All Round Genius! What are you doing here?
I’ve been here since 2021. Ever since Fisher Price bought out Nintendo in 2015 I’ve been out of a job. For a while I was living rough, busking by playing the banjo…poorly. I eventually scraped together the money to buy this place off me old mates, Yu Suzuki and the Sega boys, who now own the pet shop down the road. They specialise in something or other but I can’t seem to remember what…
‘Hedgehogs?’ I said, smugly.
‘No, birds actually’ Shigsy said, a puzzled expression on his face.
‘Oh. Ahem. So what happened to Nintendo, Shigsy? Yesterd…I mean a few decades ago you were doing all right for yourself.’
‘Well it’s a long story. The Gameboy Advance was going great guns. By 2013 we had sold over 4 billion. If it weren’t for the Gameboy Advance we would have been reduced to selling second hand SNES at car boot sales. But we couldn’t even have done anyway because cars became extinct after everyone started using trains.’
‘The trains work!’ I said, startled. Well, stranger things have happened. Ok, maybe they haven’t.
He continued. ‘But it was the Gamecube that was the problem. No matter how hard we tried to make it appeal to an older audience nothing worked. We just couldn’t compete with Microsoft and Sony. The only people that would buy it were playschools looking for spare purple coloured building blocks. So we thought ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’. We tried to copy other franchises that would sell no matter what they did, and give them that Nintendo injection of ‘fun’, (simulates poking his finger down his throat).
We released games like ‘Half: Link’ and ‘Fifa: Toad to the World Cup’ but nothing seemed to work. We were at a loss. So we started releasing Gameboy updates. We had 3D GameBoy, Holographic Gameboy, Zero Gravity Gameboy, Game-aday-boy, Moon Gameboy and Space Gameboy. There were plans for Ori-gameboy but it was pulled from transmission because the circuitry kept on setting the paper on fire. Then disaster struck. The Zero Gravity Gameboy was hard to control and kept on getting jammed up the users nostrils, so we had to scrap the Gameboy altogether.’
‘Ooooh, God nose (sic) what that must have felt like!’ I quipped.
(Shigsy proceeded to whack me with his walking stick). ‘Is it really a laughing matter? To make things worse Sony had just released PS3. We had hoped it would flop after it had a built in tea making and hovering function, and we tried to market Gamecube as ‘a games only console’, albeit unsuccessfully. Damn those marketing monkeys! But the chances of the PS3 failing were about as likely as a good Army Men game being released. The PS3 went on to sell 700 million units in 2 minutes as mothers worldwide went on an uncontrollable shopping frenzy. Obviously they went on to win the console war’.
‘But what about Gamecube?’ I said.
‘Well, Fisher Price had been interested for a while. Our kiddish image was being exploited, and after they put in a bid of 900,000 Sonys we sold up. I thought I could get a job there but they refused because I said I wanted to make Mario more grown up, which would make him unsuitable for their target range. Damn those marketing monkeys!
‘Geez, that is some story. Thanks anyway, Shigsy, good luck with your store!’ I said, going to shake his hand.
‘Don’t touch, it will probably fall off. You’re not buying anything?’ he inquired, pointing to an N64.
‘No, I got one of those a few days ago’, I replied.
‘That’s impossible, there are only 5 left in the galaxy, and this planet has 4 of them, which means... Thief! I’m calling the cyberpolice, and with new laws, you’ll be in there for at least 2 trillion years! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!’
‘What!!!! Nooooooo!’
To Be Continued…(I’ve left it on a cliffhanger, haven’t I?)
Thanks for reading; I’d love to hear feedback
RM18
Stumbling back home after a night’s consumption of a heady cocktail of Al’s Cider and Walker’s Cheese and Onion crisps I managed to find my room and decided that, for the sake of my molecular brain structure, I should stimulate my brain. I turned, of course, to videogames. Nintendo 64, PC, Dreamcast. After exhausting my videogames collection I slumped in a corner and fell into a deep, deep, sleep, the sounds of Big Boo’s Haunt still ringing in my ears. Hypnotised by the melodic rumblings of Nintendo I slipped into a world where games had changed beyond all recognition. I had slipped into the future, and I did not like what I saw…
‘Behold, for what you see before you is a vintage 1995 antique, the Sony Playstation!’
‘Ooooh, aaaaah’ gasped the people around me. I looked up, trying to get a grip on my surroundings. I appeared to be in Special Reserve, but why the commotion? And just what are those strange looking chairs? (More on that later) ‘Going, going, gone! Sold to that Bill Gates model at the back for 1 trillion Sonys!’ My ears pricked up. What’s a Sony? Why is Bill Gates is here? Wait a second, Bill Gates is a model? Wow, I must have had a lot to drink. Anyway, I can’t pass this opportunity I must get his autograph! I ran over to him, Nokia 2165A Mini Mobile PC in hand, and excitedly tapped him on the back. ‘Excuse me, Mr Gates, I love your work, can I please have... your…Mr Gates?’ I suddenly spotted a green tinge in his eyes – he looked weird. I turned around and patted the person behind me on the shoulder.’ Excuse me Sir, but what is wrong with Bill?
‘What’s wrong with Bill? Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahah! *gasps for fresh air* Mwhahahahahahahahahah! Bill Gates is the biggest loser in the world! Where have you been for the last century?’
‘What!!!!!!’ I said. I could not believe the catastrophic news I had just heard. When I went to sleep the year was 2002 – but now, I’m living in…a time…in a time… when Bill Gates is a loser? I looked back at Bill. To tell you the truth he did look pretty grim. His hair was greying, his brown corduroy slacks were a little dirty and he had stupid glasses. Wait a second, that’s the Bill Gates of 2002! I needed more information. What happened?
The man turned round again and filled me in on the whole story. ‘Sometime in 2019, Bill Gates had reached the peak of his powers. The Console wars had been waged for 18 years, but unfortunately Nintendo had fallen out of the race four years earlier, eventually bought out by the megalomaniacs at Fisher Price after the Gamecube monopolised the 2-7 market. But rather than continue as before, Bill got greedy. In order to beat the forces of Sony he decided to clone himself, and banked on his superior intelligence to overcome the overwhelming coolness of Sony, who could count on Jamie Oliver and Geri Halliwell to smash the opposition. After six months of war the army of Bill Gates were winning and Bill was starting to draw up plans for world re-domination. But suddenly the clones started to malfunction! Sony destroyed the clones and eventually took over the world (hence Sonys became the currency) and Bill Gates became a tramp. That Bill Gates next to you is the only clone that survived, but he became successful after a kiss-and-tell to the newspapers’.
‘Wow’, I thought. ‘But why did the clones malfunction?’
‘They were using Windows XP’, he replied.
Woah, that is some story I thought as I stumbled across to one of those chairs. I sat in it and was transported to the buying section of SR. I looked at the selection of games and gasped. It was all Sony. Shelf after shelf after shelf. I looked at the selection of games, and to put it frankly, they horrified me. Tomb Raider 12: The Search for the Lost Hairbrush, Ridge Racer XV, Fifa: Road to the Macclesfield Sunday League Cup and SuperMegaBrandSpankingNewTekkenTagTournamentTurboExtra. ‘Jesus, where has the originality gone?’ I transported back to the main hub and stepped outside. Then it struck me. I still didn’t know what year it was. I looked for a newspaper and found The Head (apparently the Sun fizzled out earlier that century and light was now made by shining a torch on Fabien Barthez’s head and reflecting it). Then I saw it…the year was 2102! What was I going to do?
To Be Continued…
Thanks for reading; I’d love to hear feedback
RM18
PART 2
I was in shock. 2102! I flicked through the newspaper, looking on in awe at some of the headlines.
GEORGE W.J (for Jebediah) BUSH JR. JR. HAS SPEECH THERAPY. About time.
BROOKLYN BECKHAM VOTED UGLIEST, MOST UNFASHIONABLE PERSON IN THE GALAXY. Wow, times have really changed.
MANCHESTER UTD WIN THE SONY EUROPREMIERSHIP A TITLE FOR THE 98th CONSECUTIVE YEAR. Maybe not.
Putting the newspaper down, I wandered around in an attempt to gauge my surroundings. The world didn’t look that different. I noticed that a lot of things were recycled. The pavement seemed to be made out of old computer games magazines (I later was to find out Sony banned them in 2065 after one reviewer didn’t show bias towards them). Wow, look over there! An entire 67storey building made out of old 3D0 Army Men games. Finally, someone found something to do with them. The surrounding light was a little hazy and there was a strange geeky smell nearby. Oh, that’s just Bill Gates standing behind me again.
Suddenly, I noticed an antique shop; ‘Time B.S.’ (before Sony) and not only did they have games consoles in the window, but my favourite Nintendo games consoles. I ran through the shop portal with anticipation, and when I got there I couldn’t believe what I saw. A frail old man was standing behind the counter. Then I recognised him.
‘Shigsy! Is it that you? It is you!’ He seemed incredibly old. What were those bolts in his neck?
‘Yeah, its me’, he replied sluggishly.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. T…th…the Shigsy? Father of Mario, Creator of Zelda, All Round Genius! What are you doing here?
I’ve been here since 2021. Ever since Fisher Price bought out Nintendo in 2015 I’ve been out of a job. For a while I was living rough, busking by playing the banjo…poorly. I eventually scraped together the money to buy this place off me old mates, Yu Suzuki and the Sega boys, who now own the pet shop down the road. They specialise in something or other but I can’t seem to remember what…
‘Hedgehogs?’ I said, smugly.
‘No, birds actually’ Shigsy said, a puzzled expression on his face.
‘Oh. Ahem. So what happened to Nintendo, Shigsy? Yesterd…I mean a few decades ago you were doing all right for yourself.’
‘Well it’s a long story. The Gameboy Advance was going great guns. By 2013 we had sold over 4 billion. If it weren’t for the Gameboy Advance we would have been reduced to selling second hand SNES at car boot sales. But we couldn’t even have done anyway because cars became extinct after everyone started using trains.’
‘The trains work!’ I said, startled. Well, stranger things have happened. Ok, maybe they haven’t.
He continued. ‘But it was the Gamecube that was the problem. No matter how hard we tried to make it appeal to an older audience nothing worked. We just couldn’t compete with Microsoft and Sony. The only people that would buy it were playschools looking for spare purple coloured building blocks. So we thought ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’. We tried to copy other franchises that would sell no matter what they did, and give them that Nintendo injection of ‘fun’, (simulates poking his finger down his throat).
We released games like ‘Half: Link’ and ‘Fifa: Toad to the World Cup’ but nothing seemed to work. We were at a loss. So we started releasing Gameboy updates. We had 3D GameBoy, Holographic Gameboy, Zero Gravity Gameboy, Game-aday-boy, Moon Gameboy and Space Gameboy. There were plans for Ori-gameboy but it was pulled from transmission because the circuitry kept on setting the paper on fire. Then disaster struck. The Zero Gravity Gameboy was hard to control and kept on getting jammed up the users nostrils, so we had to scrap the Gameboy altogether.’
‘Ooooh, God nose (sic) what that must have felt like!’ I quipped.
(Shigsy proceeded to whack me with his walking stick). ‘Is it really a laughing matter? To make things worse Sony had just released PS3. We had hoped it would flop after it had a built in tea making and hovering function, and we tried to market Gamecube as ‘a games only console’, albeit unsuccessfully. Damn those marketing monkeys! But the chances of the PS3 failing were about as likely as a good Army Men game being released. The PS3 went on to sell 700 million units in 2 minutes as mothers worldwide went on an uncontrollable shopping frenzy. Obviously they went on to win the console war’.
‘But what about Gamecube?’ I said.
‘Well, Fisher Price had been interested for a while. Our kiddish image was being exploited, and after they put in a bid of 900,000 Sonys we sold up. I thought I could get a job there but they refused because I said I wanted to make Mario more grown up, which would make him unsuitable for their target range. Damn those marketing monkeys!
‘Geez, that is some story. Thanks anyway, Shigsy, good luck with your store!’ I said, going to shake his hand.
‘Don’t touch, it will probably fall off. You’re not buying anything?’ he inquired, pointing to an N64.
‘No, I got one of those a few days ago’, I replied.
‘That’s impossible, there are only 5 left in the galaxy, and this planet has 4 of them, which means... Thief! I’m calling the cyberpolice, and with new laws, you’ll be in there for at least 2 trillion years! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!’
‘What!!!! Nooooooo!’
To Be Continued…(I’ve left it on a cliffhanger, haven’t I?)
Thanks for reading; I’d love to hear feedback
RM18
Page:
I’ve seen the future, and its not nice…
Stumbling back home after a night’s consumption of a heady cocktail of Al’s Cider and Walker’s Cheese and Onion crisps I managed to find my room and decided that, for the sake of my molecular brain structure, I should stimulate my brain. I turned, of course, to videogames. Nintendo 64, PC, Dreamcast. After exhausting my videogames collection I slumped in a corner and fell into a deep, deep, sleep, the sounds of Big Boo’s Haunt still ringing in my ears. Hypnotised by the melodic rumblings of Nintendo I slipped into a world where games had changed beyond all recognition. I had slipped into the future, and I did not like what I saw…
‘Behold, for what you see before you is a vintage 1995 antique, the Sony Playstation!’
‘Ooooh, aaaaah’ gasped the people around me. I looked up, trying to get a grip on my surroundings. I appeared to be in Special Reserve, but why the commotion? And just what are those strange looking chairs? (More on that later) ‘Going, going, gone! Sold to that Bill Gates model at the back for 1 trillion Sonys!’ My ears pricked up. What’s a Sony? Why is Bill Gates is here? Wait a second, Bill Gates is a model? Wow, I must have had a lot to drink. Anyway, I can’t pass this opportunity I must get his autograph! I ran over to him, Nokia 2165A Mini Mobile PC in hand, and excitedly tapped him on the back. ‘Excuse me, Mr Gates, I love your work, can I please have... your…Mr Gates?’ I suddenly spotted a green tinge in his eyes – he looked weird. I turned around and patted the person behind me on the shoulder.’ Excuse me Sir, but what is wrong with Bill?
‘What’s wrong with Bill? Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahah! *gasps for fresh air* Mwhahahahahahahahahah! Bill Gates is the biggest loser in the world! Where have you been for the last century?’
‘What!!!!!!’ I said. I could not believe the catastrophic news I had just heard. When I went to sleep the year was 2002 – but now, I’m living in…a time…in a time… when Bill Gates is a loser? I looked back at Bill. To tell you the truth he did look pretty grim. His hair was greying, his brown corduroy slacks were a little dirty and he had stupid glasses. Wait a second, that’s the Bill Gates of 2002! I needed more information. What happened?
The man turned round again and filled me in on the whole story. ‘Sometime in 2019, Bill Gates had reached the peak of his powers. The Console wars had been waged for 18 years, but unfortunately Nintendo had fallen out of the race four years earlier, eventually bought out by the megalomaniacs at Fisher Price after the Gamecube monopolised the 2-7 market. But rather than continue as before, Bill got greedy. In order to beat the forces of Sony he decided to clone himself, and banked on his superior intelligence to overcome the overwhelming coolness of Sony, who could count on Jamie Oliver and Geri Halliwell to smash the opposition. After six months of war the army of Bill Gates were winning and Bill was starting to draw up plans for world re-domination. But suddenly the clones started to malfunction! Sony destroyed the clones and eventually took over the world (hence Sonys became the currency) and Bill Gates became a tramp. That Bill Gates next to you is the only clone that survived, but he became successful after a kiss-and-tell to the newspapers’.
‘Wow’, I thought. ‘But why did the clones malfunction?’
‘They were using Windows XP’, he replied.
Woah, that is some story I thought as I stumbled across to one of those chairs. I sat in it and was transported to the buying section of SR. I looked at the selection of games and gasped. It was all Sony. Shelf after shelf after shelf. I looked at the selection of games, and to put it frankly, they horrified me. Tomb Raider 12: The Search for the Lost Hairbrush, Ridge Racer XV, Fifa: Road to the Macclesfield Sunday League Cup and SuperMegaBrandSpankingNewTekkenTagTournamentTurboExtra. ‘Jesus, where has the originality gone?’ I transported back to the main hub and stepped outside. Then it struck me. I still didn’t know what year it was. I looked for a newspaper and found The Head (apparently the Sun fizzled out earlier that century and light was now made by shining a torch on Fabien Barthez’s head and reflecting it). Then I saw it…the year was 2102! What was I going to do?
To Be Continued…
Thanks for reading; I’d love to hear feedback
RM18
PART 2
I was in shock. 2102! I flicked through the newspaper, looking on in awe at some of the headlines.
GEORGE W.J (for Jebediah) BUSH JR. JR. HAS SPEECH THERAPY. About time.
BROOKLYN BECKHAM VOTED UGLIEST, MOST UNFASHIONABLE PERSON IN THE GALAXY. Wow, times have really changed.
MANCHESTER UTD WIN THE SONY EUROPREMIERSHIP A TITLE FOR THE 98th CONSECUTIVE YEAR. Maybe not.
Putting the newspaper down, I wandered around in an attempt to gauge my surroundings. The world didn’t look that different. I noticed that a lot of things were recycled. The pavement seemed to be made out of old computer games magazines (I later was to find out Sony banned them in 2065 after one reviewer didn’t show bias towards them). Wow, look over there! An entire 67storey building made out of old 3D0 Army Men games. Finally, someone found something to do with them. The surrounding light was a little hazy and there was a strange geeky smell nearby. Oh, that’s just Bill Gates standing behind me again.
Suddenly, I noticed an antique shop; ‘Time B.S.’ (before Sony) and not only did they have games consoles in the window, but my favourite Nintendo games consoles. I ran through the shop portal with anticipation, and when I got there I couldn’t believe what I saw. A frail old man was standing behind the counter. Then I recognised him.
‘Shigsy! Is it that you? It is you!’ He seemed incredibly old. What were those bolts in his neck?
‘Yeah, its me’, he replied sluggishly.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. T…th…the Shigsy? Father of Mario, Creator of Zelda, All Round Genius! What are you doing here?
I’ve been here since 2021. Ever since Fisher Price bought out Nintendo in 2015 I’ve been out of a job. For a while I was living rough, busking by playing the banjo…poorly. I eventually scraped together the money to buy this place off me old mates, Yu Suzuki and the Sega boys, who now own the pet shop down the road. They specialise in something or other but I can’t seem to remember what…
‘Hedgehogs?’ I said, smugly.
‘No, birds actually’ Shigsy said, a puzzled expression on his face.
‘Oh. Ahem. So what happened to Nintendo, Shigsy? Yesterd…I mean a few decades ago you were doing all right for yourself.’
‘Well it’s a long story. The Gameboy Advance was going great guns. By 2013 we had sold over 4 billion. If it weren’t for the Gameboy Advance we would have been reduced to selling second hand SNES at car boot sales. But we couldn’t even have done anyway because cars became extinct after everyone started using trains.’
‘The trains work!’ I said, startled. Well, stranger things have happened. Ok, maybe they haven’t.
He continued. ‘But it was the Gamecube that was the problem. No matter how hard we tried to make it appeal to an older audience nothing worked. We just couldn’t compete with Microsoft and Sony. The only people that would buy it were playschools looking for spare purple coloured building blocks. So we thought ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’. We tried to copy other franchises that would sell no matter what they did, and give them that Nintendo injection of ‘fun’, (simulates poking his finger down his throat).
We released games like ‘Half: Link’ and ‘Fifa: Toad to the World Cup’ but nothing seemed to work. We were at a loss. So we started releasing Gameboy updates. We had 3D GameBoy, Holographic Gameboy, Zero Gravity Gameboy, Game-aday-boy, Moon Gameboy and Space Gameboy. There were plans for Ori-gameboy but it was pulled from transmission because the circuitry kept on setting the paper on fire. Then disaster struck. The Zero Gravity Gameboy was hard to control and kept on getting jammed up the users nostrils, so we had to scrap the Gameboy altogether.’
‘Ooooh, God nose (sic) what that must have felt like!’ I quipped.
(Shigsy proceeded to whack me with his walking stick). ‘Is it really a laughing matter? To make things worse Sony had just released PS3. We had hoped it would flop after it had a built in tea making and hovering function, and we tried to market Gamecube as ‘a games only console’, albeit unsuccessfully. Damn those marketing monkeys! But the chances of the PS3 failing were about as likely as a good Army Men game being released. The PS3 went on to sell 700 million units in 2 minutes as mothers worldwide went on an uncontrollable shopping frenzy. Obviously they went on to win the console war’.
‘But what about Gamecube?’ I said.
‘Well, Fisher Price had been interested for a while. Our kiddish image was being exploited, and after they put in a bid of 900,000 Sonys we sold up. I thought I could get a job there but they refused because I said I wanted to make Mario more grown up, which would make him unsuitable for their target range. Damn those marketing monkeys!
‘Geez, that is some story. Thanks anyway, Shigsy, good luck with your store!’ I said, going to shake his hand.
‘Don’t touch, it will probably fall off. You’re not buying anything?’ he inquired, pointing to an N64.
‘No, I got one of those a few days ago’, I replied.
‘That’s impossible, there are only 5 left in the galaxy, and this planet has 4 of them, which means... Thief! I’m calling the cyberpolice, and with new laws, you’ll be in there for at least 2 trillion years! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!’
‘What!!!! Nooooooo!’
To Be Continued…(I’ve left it on a cliffhanger, haven’t I?)
Thanks for reading; I’d love to hear feedback
RM18
Stumbling back home after a night’s consumption of a heady cocktail of Al’s Cider and Walker’s Cheese and Onion crisps I managed to find my room and decided that, for the sake of my molecular brain structure, I should stimulate my brain. I turned, of course, to videogames. Nintendo 64, PC, Dreamcast. After exhausting my videogames collection I slumped in a corner and fell into a deep, deep, sleep, the sounds of Big Boo’s Haunt still ringing in my ears. Hypnotised by the melodic rumblings of Nintendo I slipped into a world where games had changed beyond all recognition. I had slipped into the future, and I did not like what I saw…
‘Behold, for what you see before you is a vintage 1995 antique, the Sony Playstation!’
‘Ooooh, aaaaah’ gasped the people around me. I looked up, trying to get a grip on my surroundings. I appeared to be in Special Reserve, but why the commotion? And just what are those strange looking chairs? (More on that later) ‘Going, going, gone! Sold to that Bill Gates model at the back for 1 trillion Sonys!’ My ears pricked up. What’s a Sony? Why is Bill Gates is here? Wait a second, Bill Gates is a model? Wow, I must have had a lot to drink. Anyway, I can’t pass this opportunity I must get his autograph! I ran over to him, Nokia 2165A Mini Mobile PC in hand, and excitedly tapped him on the back. ‘Excuse me, Mr Gates, I love your work, can I please have... your…Mr Gates?’ I suddenly spotted a green tinge in his eyes – he looked weird. I turned around and patted the person behind me on the shoulder.’ Excuse me Sir, but what is wrong with Bill?
‘What’s wrong with Bill? Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahah! *gasps for fresh air* Mwhahahahahahahahahah! Bill Gates is the biggest loser in the world! Where have you been for the last century?’
‘What!!!!!!’ I said. I could not believe the catastrophic news I had just heard. When I went to sleep the year was 2002 – but now, I’m living in…a time…in a time… when Bill Gates is a loser? I looked back at Bill. To tell you the truth he did look pretty grim. His hair was greying, his brown corduroy slacks were a little dirty and he had stupid glasses. Wait a second, that’s the Bill Gates of 2002! I needed more information. What happened?
The man turned round again and filled me in on the whole story. ‘Sometime in 2019, Bill Gates had reached the peak of his powers. The Console wars had been waged for 18 years, but unfortunately Nintendo had fallen out of the race four years earlier, eventually bought out by the megalomaniacs at Fisher Price after the Gamecube monopolised the 2-7 market. But rather than continue as before, Bill got greedy. In order to beat the forces of Sony he decided to clone himself, and banked on his superior intelligence to overcome the overwhelming coolness of Sony, who could count on Jamie Oliver and Geri Halliwell to smash the opposition. After six months of war the army of Bill Gates were winning and Bill was starting to draw up plans for world re-domination. But suddenly the clones started to malfunction! Sony destroyed the clones and eventually took over the world (hence Sonys became the currency) and Bill Gates became a tramp. That Bill Gates next to you is the only clone that survived, but he became successful after a kiss-and-tell to the newspapers’.
‘Wow’, I thought. ‘But why did the clones malfunction?’
‘They were using Windows XP’, he replied.
Woah, that is some story I thought as I stumbled across to one of those chairs. I sat in it and was transported to the buying section of SR. I looked at the selection of games and gasped. It was all Sony. Shelf after shelf after shelf. I looked at the selection of games, and to put it frankly, they horrified me. Tomb Raider 12: The Search for the Lost Hairbrush, Ridge Racer XV, Fifa: Road to the Macclesfield Sunday League Cup and SuperMegaBrandSpankingNewTekkenTagTournamentTurboExtra. ‘Jesus, where has the originality gone?’ I transported back to the main hub and stepped outside. Then it struck me. I still didn’t know what year it was. I looked for a newspaper and found The Head (apparently the Sun fizzled out earlier that century and light was now made by shining a torch on Fabien Barthez’s head and reflecting it). Then I saw it…the year was 2102! What was I going to do?
To Be Continued…
Thanks for reading; I’d love to hear feedback
RM18
PART 2
I was in shock. 2102! I flicked through the newspaper, looking on in awe at some of the headlines.
GEORGE W.J (for Jebediah) BUSH JR. JR. HAS SPEECH THERAPY. About time.
BROOKLYN BECKHAM VOTED UGLIEST, MOST UNFASHIONABLE PERSON IN THE GALAXY. Wow, times have really changed.
MANCHESTER UTD WIN THE SONY EUROPREMIERSHIP A TITLE FOR THE 98th CONSECUTIVE YEAR. Maybe not.
Putting the newspaper down, I wandered around in an attempt to gauge my surroundings. The world didn’t look that different. I noticed that a lot of things were recycled. The pavement seemed to be made out of old computer games magazines (I later was to find out Sony banned them in 2065 after one reviewer didn’t show bias towards them). Wow, look over there! An entire 67storey building made out of old 3D0 Army Men games. Finally, someone found something to do with them. The surrounding light was a little hazy and there was a strange geeky smell nearby. Oh, that’s just Bill Gates standing behind me again.
Suddenly, I noticed an antique shop; ‘Time B.S.’ (before Sony) and not only did they have games consoles in the window, but my favourite Nintendo games consoles. I ran through the shop portal with anticipation, and when I got there I couldn’t believe what I saw. A frail old man was standing behind the counter. Then I recognised him.
‘Shigsy! Is it that you? It is you!’ He seemed incredibly old. What were those bolts in his neck?
‘Yeah, its me’, he replied sluggishly.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. T…th…the Shigsy? Father of Mario, Creator of Zelda, All Round Genius! What are you doing here?
I’ve been here since 2021. Ever since Fisher Price bought out Nintendo in 2015 I’ve been out of a job. For a while I was living rough, busking by playing the banjo…poorly. I eventually scraped together the money to buy this place off me old mates, Yu Suzuki and the Sega boys, who now own the pet shop down the road. They specialise in something or other but I can’t seem to remember what…
‘Hedgehogs?’ I said, smugly.
‘No, birds actually’ Shigsy said, a puzzled expression on his face.
‘Oh. Ahem. So what happened to Nintendo, Shigsy? Yesterd…I mean a few decades ago you were doing all right for yourself.’
‘Well it’s a long story. The Gameboy Advance was going great guns. By 2013 we had sold over 4 billion. If it weren’t for the Gameboy Advance we would have been reduced to selling second hand SNES at car boot sales. But we couldn’t even have done anyway because cars became extinct after everyone started using trains.’
‘The trains work!’ I said, startled. Well, stranger things have happened. Ok, maybe they haven’t.
He continued. ‘But it was the Gamecube that was the problem. No matter how hard we tried to make it appeal to an older audience nothing worked. We just couldn’t compete with Microsoft and Sony. The only people that would buy it were playschools looking for spare purple coloured building blocks. So we thought ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’. We tried to copy other franchises that would sell no matter what they did, and give them that Nintendo injection of ‘fun’, (simulates poking his finger down his throat).
We released games like ‘Half: Link’ and ‘Fifa: Toad to the World Cup’ but nothing seemed to work. We were at a loss. So we started releasing Gameboy updates. We had 3D GameBoy, Holographic Gameboy, Zero Gravity Gameboy, Game-aday-boy, Moon Gameboy and Space Gameboy. There were plans for Ori-gameboy but it was pulled from transmission because the circuitry kept on setting the paper on fire. Then disaster struck. The Zero Gravity Gameboy was hard to control and kept on getting jammed up the users nostrils, so we had to scrap the Gameboy altogether.’
‘Ooooh, God nose (sic) what that must have felt like!’ I quipped.
(Shigsy proceeded to whack me with his walking stick). ‘Is it really a laughing matter? To make things worse Sony had just released PS3. We had hoped it would flop after it had a built in tea making and hovering function, and we tried to market Gamecube as ‘a games only console’, albeit unsuccessfully. Damn those marketing monkeys! But the chances of the PS3 failing were about as likely as a good Army Men game being released. The PS3 went on to sell 700 million units in 2 minutes as mothers worldwide went on an uncontrollable shopping frenzy. Obviously they went on to win the console war’.
‘But what about Gamecube?’ I said.
‘Well, Fisher Price had been interested for a while. Our kiddish image was being exploited, and after they put in a bid of 900,000 Sonys we sold up. I thought I could get a job there but they refused because I said I wanted to make Mario more grown up, which would make him unsuitable for their target range. Damn those marketing monkeys!
‘Geez, that is some story. Thanks anyway, Shigsy, good luck with your store!’ I said, going to shake his hand.
‘Don’t touch, it will probably fall off. You’re not buying anything?’ he inquired, pointing to an N64.
‘No, I got one of those a few days ago’, I replied.
‘That’s impossible, there are only 5 left in the galaxy, and this planet has 4 of them, which means... Thief! I’m calling the cyberpolice, and with new laws, you’ll be in there for at least 2 trillion years! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!’
‘What!!!! Nooooooo!’
To Be Continued…(I’ve left it on a cliffhanger, haven’t I?)
Thanks for reading; I’d love to hear feedback
RM18
Will somebody read my story!!!!
RM (not named after the computer maker I hope!), you have a great sense of imagination... the Bill Gates clones with green eyes running on Windows XP was especially classic!
Don't think the nintys will like the stuff about Shigsy though. Oh, and what's this about sega selling birds?
Sonic
Don't think the nintys will like the stuff about Shigsy though. Oh, and what's this about sega selling birds?
Sonic
I tried to read it all, but it's late, and I'm supposed to be trying to do History coursework...
===SONICRAV---> wrote:
> RM (not named after the computer maker I hope!), you have a great sense of
> imagination... the Bill Gates clones with green eyes running on Windows XP was
> especially classic!
Don't think the nintys will like the stuff about Shigsy
> though. Oh, and what's this about sega selling birds?
Don't worry, RM is my initials. I chose birds as an alternative to the obvious choice of hedgehogs. Nothing in it...or is there?
> RM (not named after the computer maker I hope!), you have a great sense of
> imagination... the Bill Gates clones with green eyes running on Windows XP was
> especially classic!
Don't think the nintys will like the stuff about Shigsy
> though. Oh, and what's this about sega selling birds?
Don't worry, RM is my initials. I chose birds as an alternative to the obvious choice of hedgehogs. Nothing in it...or is there?
GrimMetal wrote:
> I think Atari should come into somewhere. Possibily as some sort of Mafia
> group.
Interesting...
> I think Atari should come into somewhere. Possibily as some sort of Mafia
> group.
Interesting...
Boblin Brown wrote:
> Are you trying to insult the Ninty followers, or trying to get people to buy
> GC?
P.S. i bet i know the ending:
You will save Ninty, but Shigsy will die
> in the process, along with millions of innocent citizens... am i right?
I am a Ninty follower myself, so I wasn't trying to insult anyone, just saying what I thought might happen in the future (it is fictional after all). I only posted it on this forum because it was mainly about Nintendo
P.s. Congratulations for finding the subliminal message to people to buy GC's though.
> Are you trying to insult the Ninty followers, or trying to get people to buy
> GC?
P.S. i bet i know the ending:
You will save Ninty, but Shigsy will die
> in the process, along with millions of innocent citizens... am i right?
I am a Ninty follower myself, so I wasn't trying to insult anyone, just saying what I thought might happen in the future (it is fictional after all). I only posted it on this forum because it was mainly about Nintendo
P.s. Congratulations for finding the subliminal message to people to buy GC's though.
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