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"The Horrible Future Part 2"

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Tue 26/02/02 at 18:29
Regular
Posts: 787
PART 2

I was in shock. 2102! I flicked through the newspaper, looking on in awe at some of the headlines.

GEORGE W.J (for Jebediah) BUSH JR. JR. HAS SPEECH THERAPY. About time.

BROOKLYN BECKHAM VOTED UGLIEST, MOST UNFASHIONABLE PERSON IN THE GALAXY. Wow, times have really changed.

MANCHESTER UTD WIN THE SONY EUROPREMIERSHIP A TITLE FOR THE 98th CONSECUTIVE YEAR. Maybe not.

Putting the newspaper down, I wandered around in an attempt to gauge my surroundings. The world didn’t look that different. I noticed that a lot of things were recycled. The pavement seemed to be made out of old computer games magazines (I later was to find out Sony banned them in 2065 after one reviewer didn’t show bias towards them). Wow, look over there! An entire 67storey building made out of old 3D0 Army Men games. Finally, someone found something to do with them. The surrounding light was a little hazy and there was a strange geeky smell nearby. Oh, that’s just Bill Gates standing behind me again.

Suddenly, I noticed an antique shop; ‘Time B.S.’ (before Sony) and not only did they have games consoles in the window, but my favourite Nintendo games consoles. I ran through the shop portal with anticipation, and when I got there I couldn’t believe what I saw. A frail old man was standing behind the counter. Then I recognised him.

‘Shigsy! Is it that you? It is you!’ He seemed incredibly old. What were those bolts in his neck?

‘Yeah, its me’, he replied sluggishly.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. T…th…the Shigsy? Father of Mario, Creator of Zelda, All Round Genius! What are you doing here?

I’ve been here since 2021. Ever since Fisher Price bought out Nintendo in 2015 I’ve been out of a job. For a while I was living rough, busking by playing the banjo…poorly. I eventually scraped together the money to buy this place off me old mates, Yu Suzuki and the Sega boys, who now own the pet shop down the road. They specialise in something or other but I can’t seem to remember what…

‘Hedgehogs?’ I said, smugly.

‘No, birds actually’ Shigsy said, a puzzled expression on his face.

‘Oh. Ahem. So what happened to Nintendo, Shigsy? Yesterd…I mean a few decades ago you were doing all right for yourself.’

‘Well it’s a long story. The Gameboy Advance was going great guns. By 2013 we had sold over 4 billion. If it weren’t for the Gameboy Advance we would have been reduced to selling second hand SNES at car boot sales. But we couldn’t even have done anyway because cars became extinct after everyone started using trains.’

‘The trains work!’ I said, startled. Well, stranger things have happened. Ok, maybe they haven’t.

He continued. ‘But it was the Gamecube that was the problem. No matter how hard we tried to make it appeal to an older audience nothing worked. We just couldn’t compete with Microsoft and Sony. The only people that would buy it were playschools looking for spare purple coloured building blocks. So we thought ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’. We tried to copy other franchises that would sell no matter what they did, and give them that Nintendo injection of ‘fun’, (simulates poking his finger down his throat).

We released games like ‘Half: Link’ and ‘Fifa: Toad to the World Cup’ but nothing seemed to work. We were at a loss. So we started releasing Gameboy updates. We had 3D GameBoy, Holographic Gameboy, Zero Gravity Gameboy, Game-aday-boy, Moon Gameboy and Space Gameboy. There were plans for Ori-gameboy but it was pulled from transmission because the circuitry kept on setting the paper on fire. Then disaster struck. The Zero Gravity Gameboy was hard to control and kept on getting jammed up the users nostrils, so we had to scrap the Gameboy altogether.’

‘Ooooh, God nose (sic) what that must have felt like!’ I quipped.

(Shigsy proceeded to whack me with his walking stick). ‘Is it really a laughing matter? To make things worse Sony had just released PS3. We had hoped it would flop after it had a built in tea making and hovering function, and we tried to market Gamecube as ‘a games only console’, albeit unsuccessfully. Damn those marketing monkeys! But the chances of the PS3 failing were about as likely as a good Army Men game being released. The PS3 went on to sell 700 million units in 2 minutes as mothers worldwide went on an uncontrollable shopping frenzy. Obviously they went on to win the console war’.

‘But what about Gamecube?’ I said.

‘Well, Fisher Price had been interested for a while. Our kiddish image was being exploited, and after they put in a bid of 900,000 Sonys we sold up. I thought I could get a job there but they refused because I said I wanted to make Mario more grown up, which would make him unsuitable for their target range. Damn those marketing monkeys!

‘Geez, that is some story. Thanks anyway, Shigsy, good luck with your store!’ I said, going to shake his hand.

‘Don’t touch, it will probably fall off. You’re not buying anything?’ he inquired, pointing to an N64.

‘No, I got one of those a few days ago’, I replied.

‘That’s impossible, there are only 5 left in the galaxy, and this planet has 4 of them, which means... Thief! I’m calling the cyberpolice, and with new laws, you’ll be in there for at least 2 trillion years! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!’

‘What!!!! Nooooooo!’

To Be Continued…(I’ve left it on a cliffhanger, haven’t I?)

Thanks for reading; I’d love to hear feedback

RM18
Tue 26/02/02 at 21:32
Regular
Posts: 5,630
Thanks! Did you catch the first part? If not try older topics
Tue 26/02/02 at 21:21
Regular
"360: swfcman"
Posts: 6,953
LOL

Agian, some good stuff there, finally nice to see some originality. :D
Tue 26/02/02 at 21:18
Regular
Posts: 5,630
Thank you for your comments, I just wish more people had read it as it took me ages to write
Tue 26/02/02 at 19:21
Regular
"  "
Posts: 7,549
LOL!...another great addition....when Pro Evo said we needed someone to post something funny and original then i now know why.......can't wait for the next episode...well done.
Tue 26/02/02 at 19:01
Regular
Posts: 23,218
good post, should post it in the Nintendo forum seeing as it has more to do with Shigsy and nintendo then it does with Sony.
good post any way :-)
Tue 26/02/02 at 18:55
Regular
Posts: 5,630
Somebody read my post! The first part should still be on 'view older topics'
Tue 26/02/02 at 18:29
Regular
Posts: 5,630
PART 2

I was in shock. 2102! I flicked through the newspaper, looking on in awe at some of the headlines.

GEORGE W.J (for Jebediah) BUSH JR. JR. HAS SPEECH THERAPY. About time.

BROOKLYN BECKHAM VOTED UGLIEST, MOST UNFASHIONABLE PERSON IN THE GALAXY. Wow, times have really changed.

MANCHESTER UTD WIN THE SONY EUROPREMIERSHIP A TITLE FOR THE 98th CONSECUTIVE YEAR. Maybe not.

Putting the newspaper down, I wandered around in an attempt to gauge my surroundings. The world didn’t look that different. I noticed that a lot of things were recycled. The pavement seemed to be made out of old computer games magazines (I later was to find out Sony banned them in 2065 after one reviewer didn’t show bias towards them). Wow, look over there! An entire 67storey building made out of old 3D0 Army Men games. Finally, someone found something to do with them. The surrounding light was a little hazy and there was a strange geeky smell nearby. Oh, that’s just Bill Gates standing behind me again.

Suddenly, I noticed an antique shop; ‘Time B.S.’ (before Sony) and not only did they have games consoles in the window, but my favourite Nintendo games consoles. I ran through the shop portal with anticipation, and when I got there I couldn’t believe what I saw. A frail old man was standing behind the counter. Then I recognised him.

‘Shigsy! Is it that you? It is you!’ He seemed incredibly old. What were those bolts in his neck?

‘Yeah, its me’, he replied sluggishly.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. T…th…the Shigsy? Father of Mario, Creator of Zelda, All Round Genius! What are you doing here?

I’ve been here since 2021. Ever since Fisher Price bought out Nintendo in 2015 I’ve been out of a job. For a while I was living rough, busking by playing the banjo…poorly. I eventually scraped together the money to buy this place off me old mates, Yu Suzuki and the Sega boys, who now own the pet shop down the road. They specialise in something or other but I can’t seem to remember what…

‘Hedgehogs?’ I said, smugly.

‘No, birds actually’ Shigsy said, a puzzled expression on his face.

‘Oh. Ahem. So what happened to Nintendo, Shigsy? Yesterd…I mean a few decades ago you were doing all right for yourself.’

‘Well it’s a long story. The Gameboy Advance was going great guns. By 2013 we had sold over 4 billion. If it weren’t for the Gameboy Advance we would have been reduced to selling second hand SNES at car boot sales. But we couldn’t even have done anyway because cars became extinct after everyone started using trains.’

‘The trains work!’ I said, startled. Well, stranger things have happened. Ok, maybe they haven’t.

He continued. ‘But it was the Gamecube that was the problem. No matter how hard we tried to make it appeal to an older audience nothing worked. We just couldn’t compete with Microsoft and Sony. The only people that would buy it were playschools looking for spare purple coloured building blocks. So we thought ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’. We tried to copy other franchises that would sell no matter what they did, and give them that Nintendo injection of ‘fun’, (simulates poking his finger down his throat).

We released games like ‘Half: Link’ and ‘Fifa: Toad to the World Cup’ but nothing seemed to work. We were at a loss. So we started releasing Gameboy updates. We had 3D GameBoy, Holographic Gameboy, Zero Gravity Gameboy, Game-aday-boy, Moon Gameboy and Space Gameboy. There were plans for Ori-gameboy but it was pulled from transmission because the circuitry kept on setting the paper on fire. Then disaster struck. The Zero Gravity Gameboy was hard to control and kept on getting jammed up the users nostrils, so we had to scrap the Gameboy altogether.’

‘Ooooh, God nose (sic) what that must have felt like!’ I quipped.

(Shigsy proceeded to whack me with his walking stick). ‘Is it really a laughing matter? To make things worse Sony had just released PS3. We had hoped it would flop after it had a built in tea making and hovering function, and we tried to market Gamecube as ‘a games only console’, albeit unsuccessfully. Damn those marketing monkeys! But the chances of the PS3 failing were about as likely as a good Army Men game being released. The PS3 went on to sell 700 million units in 2 minutes as mothers worldwide went on an uncontrollable shopping frenzy. Obviously they went on to win the console war’.

‘But what about Gamecube?’ I said.

‘Well, Fisher Price had been interested for a while. Our kiddish image was being exploited, and after they put in a bid of 900,000 Sonys we sold up. I thought I could get a job there but they refused because I said I wanted to make Mario more grown up, which would make him unsuitable for their target range. Damn those marketing monkeys!

‘Geez, that is some story. Thanks anyway, Shigsy, good luck with your store!’ I said, going to shake his hand.

‘Don’t touch, it will probably fall off. You’re not buying anything?’ he inquired, pointing to an N64.

‘No, I got one of those a few days ago’, I replied.

‘That’s impossible, there are only 5 left in the galaxy, and this planet has 4 of them, which means... Thief! I’m calling the cyberpolice, and with new laws, you’ll be in there for at least 2 trillion years! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!’

‘What!!!! Nooooooo!’

To Be Continued…(I’ve left it on a cliffhanger, haven’t I?)

Thanks for reading; I’d love to hear feedback

RM18

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