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REUTERS LONDON / 26/o2/2002
Microsoft, the company behind the Xbox console to be released on March 14th in the United Kingdom, issued a press release earlier today. The spokesman, M Chief, told journalists that the company's production centre for the Xbox in Hungary had been raided the previous night and that the entire UK supply has been stolen - strangely this number tallies with the number pre ordered by eager gamers in the UK.
He detailed how, once the production staff had left, a small army broke down the perimeter fences and stormed the buildings, security guards who stood in their way were knocked out by large plastic cubes, coloured black and purple, that the people threw at them. Apparently the mere sight of this horrendous purpple block sent many guards running whilst a few less fortunate guards met a worse fate, they were found tied in front of several monitors and had been left with no option but to watch "Meet Joe Black" on DVD in green screen, chief added that Microsoft will pay for mental reconditioning. Once they gained access to the building the intruders swiftly installed a software program, Windows 95, onto the centres computers rendering the security alarms useless. Later estimates say that Microsoft has around 500+ blue screen monitors to sort out.
Amazingly, Chief detailed how one unlucky intruder had been unable to wait before opening the Xbox and Halo and was arrested earlier in the morning still on the site. This individual is reportedly being forced to bug test Microsoft Office 2003XPV until he confesses as to the identities of the other intruders. Human Rights groups are already lodging protests with MPS in the UK.
Bill Gates, CEO and founder of Microsoft, had this to say; "We are not trying to control the PC market in any country at all, this is not unfair competition...erm oh sorry...yes, I'm not surprised really. I knew we should have launched earlier but the staff just won't stop playing Dead Or Alive 3, 15 minute breaks turn into 3 hour tournaments, as for the ones we let play the new Buffy game...well we've burnt through one door but htey just barricaded themselves in again !"
Meanwhile rivals Sony and Nintendo had varying feelings. Sony expressed sorrow that their only serious competitor has had setbacks, whilst Nintendo's speokeman didn't manage to read the press release - Nintendo claim it is because he has beomce immersed in their fun, but child orinetated, games.
In a later development 3 Microsoft employees were arrested inside Sony Europe's customer service center as they posed as support technicians. Microsoft deny any knowledge and claim Sony are capable of terrible customer service without any help.
********Okay so its my furst story, its rambling, but I'm bored okay ? I'll get better at it as I go on ! (Maybe******
Microsoft, the company behind the Xbox console to be released on March 14th in the United Kingdom, issued a press release earlier today. The spokesman, M Chief, told journalists that the company's production centre for the Xbox in Hungary had been raided the previous night and that the entire UK supply has been stolen - strangely this number tallies with the number pre ordered by eager gamers in the UK.
He detailed how, once the production staff had left, a small army broke down the perimeter fences and stormed the buildings, security guards who stood in their way were knocked out by large plastic cubes, coloured black and purple, that the people threw at them. Apparently the mere sight of this horrendous purpple block sent many guards running whilst a few less fortunate guards met a worse fate, they were found tied in front of several monitors and had been left with no option but to watch "Meet Joe Black" on DVD in green screen, chief added that Microsoft will pay for mental reconditioning. Once they gained access to the building the intruders swiftly installed a software program, Windows 95, onto the centres computers rendering the security alarms useless. Later estimates say that Microsoft has around 500+ blue screen monitors to sort out.
Amazingly, Chief detailed how one unlucky intruder had been unable to wait before opening the Xbox and Halo and was arrested earlier in the morning still on the site. This individual is reportedly being forced to bug test Microsoft Office 2003XPV until he confesses as to the identities of the other intruders. Human Rights groups are already lodging protests with MPS in the UK.
Bill Gates, CEO and founder of Microsoft, had this to say; "We are not trying to control the PC market in any country at all, this is not unfair competition...erm oh sorry...yes, I'm not surprised really. I knew we should have launched earlier but the staff just won't stop playing Dead Or Alive 3, 15 minute breaks turn into 3 hour tournaments, as for the ones we let play the new Buffy game...well we've burnt through one door but htey just barricaded themselves in again !"
Meanwhile rivals Sony and Nintendo had varying feelings. Sony expressed sorrow that their only serious competitor has had setbacks, whilst Nintendo's speokeman didn't manage to read the press release - Nintendo claim it is because he has beomce immersed in their fun, but child orinetated, games.
In a later development 3 Microsoft employees were arrested inside Sony Europe's customer service center as they posed as support technicians. Microsoft deny any knowledge and claim Sony are capable of terrible customer service without any help.
********Okay so its my furst story, its rambling, but I'm bored okay ? I'll get better at it as I go on ! (Maybe******
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REUTERS LONDON / 26/o2/2002
Microsoft, the company behind the Xbox console to be released on March 14th in the United Kingdom, issued a press release earlier today. The spokesman, M Chief, told journalists that the company's production centre for the Xbox in Hungary had been raided the previous night and that the entire UK supply has been stolen - strangely this number tallies with the number pre ordered by eager gamers in the UK.
He detailed how, once the production staff had left, a small army broke down the perimeter fences and stormed the buildings, security guards who stood in their way were knocked out by large plastic cubes, coloured black and purple, that the people threw at them. Apparently the mere sight of this horrendous purpple block sent many guards running whilst a few less fortunate guards met a worse fate, they were found tied in front of several monitors and had been left with no option but to watch "Meet Joe Black" on DVD in green screen, chief added that Microsoft will pay for mental reconditioning. Once they gained access to the building the intruders swiftly installed a software program, Windows 95, onto the centres computers rendering the security alarms useless. Later estimates say that Microsoft has around 500+ blue screen monitors to sort out.
Amazingly, Chief detailed how one unlucky intruder had been unable to wait before opening the Xbox and Halo and was arrested earlier in the morning still on the site. This individual is reportedly being forced to bug test Microsoft Office 2003XPV until he confesses as to the identities of the other intruders. Human Rights groups are already lodging protests with MPS in the UK.
Bill Gates, CEO and founder of Microsoft, had this to say; "We are not trying to control the PC market in any country at all, this is not unfair competition...erm oh sorry...yes, I'm not surprised really. I knew we should have launched earlier but the staff just won't stop playing Dead Or Alive 3, 15 minute breaks turn into 3 hour tournaments, as for the ones we let play the new Buffy game...well we've burnt through one door but htey just barricaded themselves in again !"
Meanwhile rivals Sony and Nintendo had varying feelings. Sony expressed sorrow that their only serious competitor has had setbacks, whilst Nintendo's speokeman didn't manage to read the press release - Nintendo claim it is because he has beomce immersed in their fun, but child orinetated, games.
In a later development 3 Microsoft employees were arrested inside Sony Europe's customer service center as they posed as support technicians. Microsoft deny any knowledge and claim Sony are capable of terrible customer service without any help.
********Okay so its my furst story, its rambling, but I'm bored okay ? I'll get better at it as I go on ! (Maybe******
Microsoft, the company behind the Xbox console to be released on March 14th in the United Kingdom, issued a press release earlier today. The spokesman, M Chief, told journalists that the company's production centre for the Xbox in Hungary had been raided the previous night and that the entire UK supply has been stolen - strangely this number tallies with the number pre ordered by eager gamers in the UK.
He detailed how, once the production staff had left, a small army broke down the perimeter fences and stormed the buildings, security guards who stood in their way were knocked out by large plastic cubes, coloured black and purple, that the people threw at them. Apparently the mere sight of this horrendous purpple block sent many guards running whilst a few less fortunate guards met a worse fate, they were found tied in front of several monitors and had been left with no option but to watch "Meet Joe Black" on DVD in green screen, chief added that Microsoft will pay for mental reconditioning. Once they gained access to the building the intruders swiftly installed a software program, Windows 95, onto the centres computers rendering the security alarms useless. Later estimates say that Microsoft has around 500+ blue screen monitors to sort out.
Amazingly, Chief detailed how one unlucky intruder had been unable to wait before opening the Xbox and Halo and was arrested earlier in the morning still on the site. This individual is reportedly being forced to bug test Microsoft Office 2003XPV until he confesses as to the identities of the other intruders. Human Rights groups are already lodging protests with MPS in the UK.
Bill Gates, CEO and founder of Microsoft, had this to say; "We are not trying to control the PC market in any country at all, this is not unfair competition...erm oh sorry...yes, I'm not surprised really. I knew we should have launched earlier but the staff just won't stop playing Dead Or Alive 3, 15 minute breaks turn into 3 hour tournaments, as for the ones we let play the new Buffy game...well we've burnt through one door but htey just barricaded themselves in again !"
Meanwhile rivals Sony and Nintendo had varying feelings. Sony expressed sorrow that their only serious competitor has had setbacks, whilst Nintendo's speokeman didn't manage to read the press release - Nintendo claim it is because he has beomce immersed in their fun, but child orinetated, games.
In a later development 3 Microsoft employees were arrested inside Sony Europe's customer service center as they posed as support technicians. Microsoft deny any knowledge and claim Sony are capable of terrible customer service without any help.
********Okay so its my furst story, its rambling, but I'm bored okay ? I'll get better at it as I go on ! (Maybe******
NO WAY!!! This means that I'll have to get a GC instead if the whole shipment of X-Box's have been nicked. I wonder were someone could of hidden 100,000 of them. We all know the answer is the Sony factory.Damn, this is making me cry, BAAAAAH!!!
Outlaw.
Outlaw.
******NEWS UDATE*******************************************
REUTERS LONDON 26/02/2002
With rumours that Sony are holding the UK's 300 000 Xbox consoles to ransom at a location somewhere in London continuing to grow, Sony itself has suffered a devastating blow.
The SS. Solidus, a container ship, has sunk in the North Sea. All the crew have been rescued withou injury but one complained that the rescue services are responsible for losing his limited edition Xbox cap and jacket, and glasses. "Bill" was responsible for opening the ships ballast tanks and causing the ship to sink. He claims the Captain told him to check if any water was in them so he opened them just to make sure.
The loss of the ship has caused nationwide mourning in the UK as approximately 100 000 copies of Metal Gear Solid 2 - all that the UK was allocated - have been lost and will not be available until aruond December 2002. Sony say this will also give Konami time to add new features to it, and to get rid of approx 1 hour of cut scenes in favour of actual gameplay.
Meanwhile, Bill Gates, who looked slightly wet when giving this statement, said; "Sony's loss is a profound one, but surely not that bad, the discs will dry out some time around next century." When asked about the Xbox situation Gates was cryptic; "We have that in hand right now and I think it will be resolved"
In an apparently unrelated incident Sony's entire communication network worldwide has been crippled with every attempt at accessing email or the internet failing with 404 not found messages and "Outlook has experienced a fatal error" Sony refuses to comment on its decision to install Internet Explorer 7a on its systems.
Lastly, Nintendo spokesman F Boy managed to read his press release, "We'd like to announce that sales in Japan have increased by 1000%, there are now approximately 100 consoles in use" he then coudln't figure out the next word and kept mumbling about "hate europe"
****************************************************
REUTERS LONDON 26/02/2002
With rumours that Sony are holding the UK's 300 000 Xbox consoles to ransom at a location somewhere in London continuing to grow, Sony itself has suffered a devastating blow.
The SS. Solidus, a container ship, has sunk in the North Sea. All the crew have been rescued withou injury but one complained that the rescue services are responsible for losing his limited edition Xbox cap and jacket, and glasses. "Bill" was responsible for opening the ships ballast tanks and causing the ship to sink. He claims the Captain told him to check if any water was in them so he opened them just to make sure.
The loss of the ship has caused nationwide mourning in the UK as approximately 100 000 copies of Metal Gear Solid 2 - all that the UK was allocated - have been lost and will not be available until aruond December 2002. Sony say this will also give Konami time to add new features to it, and to get rid of approx 1 hour of cut scenes in favour of actual gameplay.
Meanwhile, Bill Gates, who looked slightly wet when giving this statement, said; "Sony's loss is a profound one, but surely not that bad, the discs will dry out some time around next century." When asked about the Xbox situation Gates was cryptic; "We have that in hand right now and I think it will be resolved"
In an apparently unrelated incident Sony's entire communication network worldwide has been crippled with every attempt at accessing email or the internet failing with 404 not found messages and "Outlook has experienced a fatal error" Sony refuses to comment on its decision to install Internet Explorer 7a on its systems.
Lastly, Nintendo spokesman F Boy managed to read his press release, "We'd like to announce that sales in Japan have increased by 1000%, there are now approximately 100 consoles in use" he then coudln't figure out the next word and kept mumbling about "hate europe"
****************************************************
Oh my God it just gets worse and worse. The humanity, ARE WE SO VAIN?! GOOD GOD ARE WE....
Outlaw
Outlaw
***********NEWS UPDATE************************************
Sony announced another major scheme to further dent rival Microsoft's Xbox launch. A spokeswoman (for a change) said;
"From March the 1st Sony will release the Platinum range with many games that existing PS2 owners already have, being reduced to an RRP of £19.99. This effectively kills the second hand value of many gamer's collections and means that they are less likely to sell their Playstation 2 and game because they won't be able to get "squat" for them."
In addition; "We expect to cut the price of the console itself pretty soon in order to finish off the second hand Playstation 2 market."
Industry experts have commented that Sony's moves are coming at a good time as firefighters are damping down Sony's London warehouses. CCTV footage shows numerous black clad green cross wearing people breaking in and taking around 300 000 items that Sony claim to be "faulty consoles", this is causing confusion as it is quite plausible considering the consoles record, however other sources point to the missing items being Xbox consoles.
Microsoft spokesman M Chief had this to say; "We're confident that this whole stunt has raised plenty of publicity for us, and along with the recovery of the missing Xbox consoles it means we are on track for a stunning launch day"
When questioned about the circumstances surround the recovered Xbox's Chief added; "It turned out that we'd locked them in the caretakers office, they sustained minor sprinkler damage but are okay" He then produced one, reporters couldn't help noticing the blue flecks of paper that dropped off the box, along iwth a few black bits of dust.
Sony announced another major scheme to further dent rival Microsoft's Xbox launch. A spokeswoman (for a change) said;
"From March the 1st Sony will release the Platinum range with many games that existing PS2 owners already have, being reduced to an RRP of £19.99. This effectively kills the second hand value of many gamer's collections and means that they are less likely to sell their Playstation 2 and game because they won't be able to get "squat" for them."
In addition; "We expect to cut the price of the console itself pretty soon in order to finish off the second hand Playstation 2 market."
Industry experts have commented that Sony's moves are coming at a good time as firefighters are damping down Sony's London warehouses. CCTV footage shows numerous black clad green cross wearing people breaking in and taking around 300 000 items that Sony claim to be "faulty consoles", this is causing confusion as it is quite plausible considering the consoles record, however other sources point to the missing items being Xbox consoles.
Microsoft spokesman M Chief had this to say; "We're confident that this whole stunt has raised plenty of publicity for us, and along with the recovery of the missing Xbox consoles it means we are on track for a stunning launch day"
When questioned about the circumstances surround the recovered Xbox's Chief added; "It turned out that we'd locked them in the caretakers office, they sustained minor sprinkler damage but are okay" He then produced one, reporters couldn't help noticing the blue flecks of paper that dropped off the box, along iwth a few black bits of dust.
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Not child orientated.
Appeal to all ages.
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That is all.
Not child orientated.
Appeal to all ages.
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That is all.
Its a joke okay ? Why is it always the Nintendo people.....
Cause their console is so pitiful they want to spread it's crapness and dirty other people forums so that they can make comparisons between the two.
No offence Meka,
Outlaw.
No offence Meka,
Outlaw.
The post was funny, but just sticking in "Nintendo - child oriented" is a typical arguement used by fans of other consoles, and in itself not good enough in a comedic post. It's a shame, as it ruined what was otherwise quite original and witty.
ITS ONLY A JOKE :) As in don't take it seriously.....
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