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REUTERS LONDON / 26/o2/2002
Microsoft, the company behind the Xbox console to be released on March 14th in the United Kingdom, issued a press release earlier today. The spokesman, M Chief, told journalists that the company's production centre for the Xbox in Hungary had been raided the previous night and that the entire UK supply has been stolen - strangely this number tallies with the number pre ordered by eager gamers in the UK.
He detailed how, once the production staff had left, a small army broke down the perimeter fences and stormed the buildings, security guards who stood in their way were knocked out by large plastic cubes, coloured black and purple, that the people threw at them. Apparently the mere sight of this horrendous purpple block sent many guards running whilst a few less fortunate guards met a worse fate, they were found tied in front of several monitors and had been left with no option but to watch "Meet Joe Black" on DVD in green screen, chief added that Microsoft will pay for mental reconditioning. Once they gained access to the building the intruders swiftly installed a software program, Windows 95, onto the centres computers rendering the security alarms useless. Later estimates say that Microsoft has around 500+ blue screen monitors to sort out.
Amazingly, Chief detailed how one unlucky intruder had been unable to wait before opening the Xbox and Halo and was arrested earlier in the morning still on the site. This individual is reportedly being forced to bug test Microsoft Office 2003XPV until he confesses as to the identities of the other intruders. Human Rights groups are already lodging protests with MPS in the UK.
Bill Gates, CEO and founder of Microsoft, had this to say; "We are not trying to control the PC market in any country at all, this is not unfair competition...erm oh sorry...yes, I'm not surprised really. I knew we should have launched earlier but the staff just won't stop playing Dead Or Alive 3, 15 minute breaks turn into 3 hour tournaments, as for the ones we let play the new Buffy game...well we've burnt through one door but htey just barricaded themselves in again !"
Meanwhile rivals Sony and Nintendo had varying feelings. Sony expressed sorrow that their only serious competitor has had setbacks, whilst Nintendo's speokeman didn't manage to read the press release - Nintendo claim it is because he has beomce immersed in their fun, but child orinetated, games.
In a later development 3 Microsoft employees were arrested inside Sony Europe's customer service center as they posed as support technicians. Microsoft deny any knowledge and claim Sony are capable of terrible customer service without any help.
********Okay so its my furst story, its rambling, but I'm bored okay ? I'll get better at it as I go on ! (Maybe******
Microsoft, the company behind the Xbox console to be released on March 14th in the United Kingdom, issued a press release earlier today. The spokesman, M Chief, told journalists that the company's production centre for the Xbox in Hungary had been raided the previous night and that the entire UK supply has been stolen - strangely this number tallies with the number pre ordered by eager gamers in the UK.
He detailed how, once the production staff had left, a small army broke down the perimeter fences and stormed the buildings, security guards who stood in their way were knocked out by large plastic cubes, coloured black and purple, that the people threw at them. Apparently the mere sight of this horrendous purpple block sent many guards running whilst a few less fortunate guards met a worse fate, they were found tied in front of several monitors and had been left with no option but to watch "Meet Joe Black" on DVD in green screen, chief added that Microsoft will pay for mental reconditioning. Once they gained access to the building the intruders swiftly installed a software program, Windows 95, onto the centres computers rendering the security alarms useless. Later estimates say that Microsoft has around 500+ blue screen monitors to sort out.
Amazingly, Chief detailed how one unlucky intruder had been unable to wait before opening the Xbox and Halo and was arrested earlier in the morning still on the site. This individual is reportedly being forced to bug test Microsoft Office 2003XPV until he confesses as to the identities of the other intruders. Human Rights groups are already lodging protests with MPS in the UK.
Bill Gates, CEO and founder of Microsoft, had this to say; "We are not trying to control the PC market in any country at all, this is not unfair competition...erm oh sorry...yes, I'm not surprised really. I knew we should have launched earlier but the staff just won't stop playing Dead Or Alive 3, 15 minute breaks turn into 3 hour tournaments, as for the ones we let play the new Buffy game...well we've burnt through one door but htey just barricaded themselves in again !"
Meanwhile rivals Sony and Nintendo had varying feelings. Sony expressed sorrow that their only serious competitor has had setbacks, whilst Nintendo's speokeman didn't manage to read the press release - Nintendo claim it is because he has beomce immersed in their fun, but child orinetated, games.
In a later development 3 Microsoft employees were arrested inside Sony Europe's customer service center as they posed as support technicians. Microsoft deny any knowledge and claim Sony are capable of terrible customer service without any help.
********Okay so its my furst story, its rambling, but I'm bored okay ? I'll get better at it as I go on ! (Maybe******
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*********NEWS UPDATE***************************************
REUTERS LONDON 01/03/2002
For years, ever since its revolutionary Windows 95 product changed the face of home computing, and introduced millions to the "blue screen of death" many conspiracy theorists have claimed that Microsoft, under Bill Gates, had world domination in mind.
Today, MI5 Officials released details of Gate's diabolical plot to conquer the United Kingdom in one day. That date ? March 14th - the release of the Xbox console. The plan that Microsoft's CEO Bill Gates had created was devestatingly simple.
To begin with Microsoft would ship all 1.5 million Xbox's designated for Europe to the United Kingdom for launch day. Then, at midnight on the 13th of march a program installed on every banking/credit card clearance system (otherwise known as Windows NT 2000) would refuse to authorise any charge for an Xbox console. Desperate buyers would be forced to go to cash machines and banks to get their money, and in doing so make every major bank insolvent. With the country lacking in money Microsoft would then step in and take over the bank of England. With Gates holding financial sway over 15% of the population (the proportion that actually vote) Tony Blair would be force into an election contest. Microsoft was planning on installing Halo inside its election boothes and promising "Broadband for all" as a major election pledge.
The flaw ? A source within Microsoft learned of the plan from its creator one night. MI5 officials refuse to speculate on how a trainee 18 year old secretary could have heard this kind of information from such an important man.
Bill Gates now has an arrest warrant issued on him, but MI5 officials are not expecting to pursue this far; "He's got more money than god" claimed one.
Another major puzzletrhat journalist asked the officials was why the UK, and not the USA ? The reply; "Don't you people know anything about George Bush's backers ??"
REUTERS LONDON 01/03/2002
For years, ever since its revolutionary Windows 95 product changed the face of home computing, and introduced millions to the "blue screen of death" many conspiracy theorists have claimed that Microsoft, under Bill Gates, had world domination in mind.
Today, MI5 Officials released details of Gate's diabolical plot to conquer the United Kingdom in one day. That date ? March 14th - the release of the Xbox console. The plan that Microsoft's CEO Bill Gates had created was devestatingly simple.
To begin with Microsoft would ship all 1.5 million Xbox's designated for Europe to the United Kingdom for launch day. Then, at midnight on the 13th of march a program installed on every banking/credit card clearance system (otherwise known as Windows NT 2000) would refuse to authorise any charge for an Xbox console. Desperate buyers would be forced to go to cash machines and banks to get their money, and in doing so make every major bank insolvent. With the country lacking in money Microsoft would then step in and take over the bank of England. With Gates holding financial sway over 15% of the population (the proportion that actually vote) Tony Blair would be force into an election contest. Microsoft was planning on installing Halo inside its election boothes and promising "Broadband for all" as a major election pledge.
The flaw ? A source within Microsoft learned of the plan from its creator one night. MI5 officials refuse to speculate on how a trainee 18 year old secretary could have heard this kind of information from such an important man.
Bill Gates now has an arrest warrant issued on him, but MI5 officials are not expecting to pursue this far; "He's got more money than god" claimed one.
Another major puzzletrhat journalist asked the officials was why the UK, and not the USA ? The reply; "Don't you people know anything about George Bush's backers ??"
nice post there.. nice to see you followed it up with a couple of updates....
wortha GAD isnt isnt it?
wortha GAD isnt isnt it?
savatt1668 wrote:
>Doesn't make things any less boring when Nintendo
> fans start doing it mate.
I know, that's why if I was writing something comical about the Xbox it wouldn't be the typical dig at it's size, or an obvious Bill Gates slur.
>Doesn't make things any less boring when Nintendo
> fans start doing it mate.
I know, that's why if I was writing something comical about the Xbox it wouldn't be the typical dig at it's size, or an obvious Bill Gates slur.
Meka Dragon wrote:
> The post was funny, but just sticking in "Nintendo - child oriented"
> is a typical arguement used by fans of other consoles, and in itself not good
> enough in a comedic post. It's a shame, as it ruined what was otherwise quite
> original and witty.
Hmmmmmmm, well I've seen plenty of Ninties doing the very same thing about other consoles too. Doesn't make things any less boring when Nintendo fans start doing it mate.
> The post was funny, but just sticking in "Nintendo - child oriented"
> is a typical arguement used by fans of other consoles, and in itself not good
> enough in a comedic post. It's a shame, as it ruined what was otherwise quite
> original and witty.
Hmmmmmmm, well I've seen plenty of Ninties doing the very same thing about other consoles too. Doesn't make things any less boring when Nintendo fans start doing it mate.
ITS ONLY A JOKE :) As in don't take it seriously.....
The post was funny, but just sticking in "Nintendo - child oriented" is a typical arguement used by fans of other consoles, and in itself not good enough in a comedic post. It's a shame, as it ruined what was otherwise quite original and witty.
Cause their console is so pitiful they want to spread it's crapness and dirty other people forums so that they can make comparisons between the two.
No offence Meka,
Outlaw.
No offence Meka,
Outlaw.
Its a joke okay ? Why is it always the Nintendo people.....
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Not child orientated.
Appeal to all ages.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
That is all.
Not child orientated.
Appeal to all ages.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
That is all.
***********NEWS UPDATE************************************
Sony announced another major scheme to further dent rival Microsoft's Xbox launch. A spokeswoman (for a change) said;
"From March the 1st Sony will release the Platinum range with many games that existing PS2 owners already have, being reduced to an RRP of £19.99. This effectively kills the second hand value of many gamer's collections and means that they are less likely to sell their Playstation 2 and game because they won't be able to get "squat" for them."
In addition; "We expect to cut the price of the console itself pretty soon in order to finish off the second hand Playstation 2 market."
Industry experts have commented that Sony's moves are coming at a good time as firefighters are damping down Sony's London warehouses. CCTV footage shows numerous black clad green cross wearing people breaking in and taking around 300 000 items that Sony claim to be "faulty consoles", this is causing confusion as it is quite plausible considering the consoles record, however other sources point to the missing items being Xbox consoles.
Microsoft spokesman M Chief had this to say; "We're confident that this whole stunt has raised plenty of publicity for us, and along with the recovery of the missing Xbox consoles it means we are on track for a stunning launch day"
When questioned about the circumstances surround the recovered Xbox's Chief added; "It turned out that we'd locked them in the caretakers office, they sustained minor sprinkler damage but are okay" He then produced one, reporters couldn't help noticing the blue flecks of paper that dropped off the box, along iwth a few black bits of dust.
Sony announced another major scheme to further dent rival Microsoft's Xbox launch. A spokeswoman (for a change) said;
"From March the 1st Sony will release the Platinum range with many games that existing PS2 owners already have, being reduced to an RRP of £19.99. This effectively kills the second hand value of many gamer's collections and means that they are less likely to sell their Playstation 2 and game because they won't be able to get "squat" for them."
In addition; "We expect to cut the price of the console itself pretty soon in order to finish off the second hand Playstation 2 market."
Industry experts have commented that Sony's moves are coming at a good time as firefighters are damping down Sony's London warehouses. CCTV footage shows numerous black clad green cross wearing people breaking in and taking around 300 000 items that Sony claim to be "faulty consoles", this is causing confusion as it is quite plausible considering the consoles record, however other sources point to the missing items being Xbox consoles.
Microsoft spokesman M Chief had this to say; "We're confident that this whole stunt has raised plenty of publicity for us, and along with the recovery of the missing Xbox consoles it means we are on track for a stunning launch day"
When questioned about the circumstances surround the recovered Xbox's Chief added; "It turned out that we'd locked them in the caretakers office, they sustained minor sprinkler damage but are okay" He then produced one, reporters couldn't help noticing the blue flecks of paper that dropped off the box, along iwth a few black bits of dust.
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