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I went out with ma woman today, she had to get hair products and bin bags and I dragged round with her.
Otherwise I don't get no naughty sauce.
And it really, really hit me just how far up their tunnel some people are.
Really.
Ok, it was in Chiswick which is a tad yuppie, but still it made me shiver inside to so many trendy robots.
Examples:
I was thirsty and it was raining, so we went into a sidewalk cafe thing called "Nero's".
I wanted a coffee. Not a big deal you'd think, most people know what this drink is.
But I was presented with an option that made my head hurt and my brain start to boil.
"I want coffee please"
"Sure, we have the following" (and he gestured to the board)
Mocha
Mochachino
Latte
Grande Latte
Decaf Half-fat Latte
Expresso
Frappucino
And about 15 other kinds.
I just wanted coffee.
Why? What is with this pursuit of obscure frothy crap from somewhere you've never heard of.
What's wrong with "Coffee".
Bt oooooh no, it has to be some European poncy drink with a vaguely swishy name that costs £2.00 for a thimble full of foam.
Rubbish.
And M&S foodhall.
I wanted a sandwich. Maybe Ham.
Instead, I am presented with 16 different selections like Thia Tiger Prawn & Avocado or some stupid mixture of ingredients that I wouldn't put together.
And my personal loathing:
Mobile Phones.
I hate them, and I hate the people that use them.
I don't mean people that leave them in cars in case they breakdown, I mean the posturing apes that walk along talking into them, making sure people can hear every single detail of their lives.
I was on Jury Duty this week, and one woman spent her entire time on her mobile to her bovine family.
And one conversation went like this:
"Hello Sarah! You did a poo-poo in the potty? Aren't you a clever girl! You're a big girl now! You did a poo-poo! Yes you are! You're the cleverest girl!"
Excuse me, you're praising a kid for not fouling itself?
Why not wait for a genuine achievment before announcing to an entire room full of strangers, some of whom are resisting every urge to yank that phone from your pudgy fist and throw it out of the window.
And the people that have "exotic" or "personalised" ringtones.
Some current Top 40 hit.
Why not just have one that sounds like a phone?
"Oh, this way I know it's mine that's ringing"
No, set it to a normal ring and you'll be in the minority.
And my newest subject of anger.
Humorous chain emails.
You know the ones.
You get it from someone at work and it's been passed around the building twice and another 56 firms so you have to scroll down 2000 lines of "this email is addressed to.." before you read some lame joke about a bloke at a funeral.
If you're going to send humorous emails to colleagues, at least make sure you know them well enough to realise that they think these sort of jokes suck.
That's enough for now, I'm off to shoot Germans online in Castle Wolfenstein
In a truly excellent rant about everything that is wrong with the world on a games website a while ago, Kieron Gillen (I think the same one from PC Gamer) had the following on his long 'hate list':
"The word 'pretentious'. People write what they see. If someone sees more, that's your problem."
Not stricly relevant but I liked it. Best rant ever.
Shop Sandwiches: Funny that garages usually have the better alternatives, the pork-pies and the sausage rolls. Proper man food, not nonce-wiches.
Mobile Phones: I don't take mine out. It either sits in the car, or on the table, switched off. It's cheaper to use a land-line, and when I'm out, I don't want to be contacted.
Potty training, however, is all about confidence and encouragement, I can see why this woman was congratulating her child on her poo-poo's on the potty!
> Oh my god!
Goatboys got a girlfriend!
Now I await the joining of the forums as "Goatgirl".
there was this one time that i was just sat at the bus stop waiting for the bus obviously and a guy comes up to me wanting my phone
I didnt have it out but just in my pocket
I said i havent got a phone and he was drunk so he just kept on telling me to give him my phone
So after a while of saying i havent got a phone the stupid thing went off in my pocket so i just ran
hehehe
Then the phone rang
My MY i laughed
And M&S foodhall.
I
> wanted a sandwich. Maybe Ham.
Instead, I am presented with 16 different
> selections like Thia Tiger Prawn & Avocado or some stupid mixture of
> ingredients that I wouldn't put together.
Hey I used to Work in M&S!
But I totally agree with you :)
The only sandwiches they've got that I like are their Beef and Salad ones...all the others have got stuff I've never heard of in them!