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I did post this in Grix's topic, however, nobody really noticed it, and I don't blame them, it was Grix's topic which was an amazingly moving topic. It really helped me think about a few things, so here was my reply. Hopefully people will read this.
It was four years ago I began to feel that my life was falling apart. I had to stop all my sports and activities and twice a week go for physiotheraphy and osteopatheraphy. Osteopatheraphy wasn't that bad, I would lie there on a bench and have my body examined for over two hours (terribly dull). Then after two years of that, they said 'sorry, maybe you will grow out of your chest problems'. I didn't lose all hope, as I still had the physio report to turn to....
...I had been punished and driven in the hospital gym for over one year of the treatment, they made me run or exercise till I couldn't breathe. Wanting to see if different exercises effected me different. To them I was a hamster with a new growth problem, the MRI (my most terrifying moment in life was that machine) had told them that my diaphragm wasn't expanding properly because of a muscle attached to the lower rib. This scared me.
However, years later I am still here, making use of what exercise I can do, which is normally a few situps and a quick game of footie every college day.
I have already talked before on this forum about my way out. Breifly, gaming was a huge thing for me in all times of worry, it was something that put most of the problems behind me, and for a few seconds during that particular game, I felt empty, hollow and beautifully numb.
As I moved through High School it hit me that my GCSE's were a few weeks away, I started to teach myself Science. Those three books that help you revise, I taught myself as much as I could, we didn't really have any proper Science lessons at my school. They were on the timetable, but it normally resulted in a fire alarm or the game we made called 'bunsen burner challenge'. With this new frame of mind, I knew I only needed to pass five GCSE's to get into college, with extra English help from Will Self (yeap, that guy) my end results were that I passed exceeding all my hopes (passing all except one: 10 A-C's).
This taught me one thing, if I help myself, I will succeed.
'In your life, there is only you Joby' - My father.
I was thrilled, a new look, the skies were no longer vanilla coloured, just pure white. Sadly, this purity had a disgustingly horrible grey lining. It was about to hit me in the summer.
The worst thing in life, is seeing someone die, but still live. Maybe that needs more explanation. Well, my mother and father dragged eachother down, physically fighting and destorying the family. My two sisters departed, for good. My brother also left home. I was a wreck. Watching my stable 'home' destory itself. There were the people dying, my parents. There I was, trying to open the new door, but the harse cruel wind closed it.
That was it.
I walked across the kitchen, raised a knife to my heart, and looked at myself one last time. Courage wasn't needed, I was trying to commit suicide out of fear. Not still knowing if it was fear of the past, or fear of my future.
At that moment, I fell to the floor, and all that pain that had built for four years, hit me...
...throwing the knife away, I broke down into tears that were not normal tears, each tear made me more angry, this wasn't just crying from pain, it was anger and vision.
There I was, 16 years old, just returning from a great holiday in Newquay to have this crapulence. Each time I got hit back, I would look for a new 'meaning' to life, maybe 'meaning' is too strong a word.
'The hardest thing in this life, is to live in it'
I looked for an opening, pulling myself up from that kitchen floor was the hardest thing I have ever done, it meant I had to continue, and I didn't even think to lift myself up. That was my body saying to my mind 'get up'.
College. Yes. After the 'teach yourself' GCSE results I gave myself an opening, by choosing A level courses I wanted to take. I slowly stopped talking with my mother anymore, she was just an instant pain reminder. I had to pick my future by myself.
Philosophy, Media, IT and DT. (All single courses).
Semptember came, and I had changed too much. Over the years I had developed a shell, last summer that same shell thickened too much. Nobody could brake through. I was a wondering body. I lost friends, and slowly began to realise what was happening. I had turned into a complete 'knob'. I set myself a new destination. I was going to revert myself to 'pre-summer' and also at that moment I decided to drop the IT course and the DT course.
Down to two courses the college wouldn't let me continue because I would have too much free time. I was going to have a huge argument with the principle over the 'free time' usage. NOBODY EVER HAS FREE TIME. Anyways, I took up Theatre Studies. I was taking three A level courses.
People around me laughed at me, it was a month into the course and I had dropped IT and DT, the two 'Joby Stephens' was best at. In DT my folder in GCSE gained second highest in the country, I acheived 100% in the exam. That is where that came from. IT.. well, apparently I am a computer. However, my heart told me what to do, and I did it.
Everyday I went to college, re-adjusting myself from the mornings events at home. It was in November my parents told me they didn't love me, and I was an accessory. That face of my mothers I will never forget. Never. It was her heart that made me sick. I sat on the college bound train away from friends, I remember the tear in my eye. I didn't want to be doing this.
'Hiya Joby, how are you?' I was asked three minutes later.
'Yeah cool, I am ok.' I answered.
What was the point of trying to explain something you didn't even understand.
More alike mornings followed, until December. This was my decision time. I looked at my timetable. Knowing that change was good. I marched my legs to the principles office and after too much deliberation he contacted my dad. I wanted to change the single Media course to the Double Media VCE Course (worth two). Luckily, I got backing from the Media department. I was the only person to have changed course halve way through the year in that college's history.
Not just feeling proud, I knew I had to make it for myself. Over christmas I worked my fingers through the bone, and on return (I shall leave out christmas from this post, as that was nt good) to college I had managed to defy all odds, and catch up with the rest of my 'new' class.
And here I am, deciding on my future. Shall I go to America for university. I am terrible at Philosophy, however I enjoy it (which is the point). Theatre Studies I enjoy, even though I am not good at it. MediaVCE I love, I look forward to the lesson, giving me more hope for the future.
'Its nice to be good at something, its better to be the best.'
I am about to go for councilling for my troubles, hoping it will help, however I know that this very post has helped me express feelings. It reminds you of the past, which in this case is bad, although it reminds you that it must get better.
My dad still looks older by the day. My mum, I never even mention her (you might have noticed). Life isn't bliss. Life is just this. Its living.
Little over a month ago I found out the meaning of my name Joby.
'The trialed and tested one by God'. That made me smile. Briefly.
I admire you Grix, I would even go as far as to say you have all my respect. You will be brilliant. Thats all.
I'm scared too.
Joby
It was four years ago I began to feel that my life was falling apart. I had to stop all my sports and activities and twice a week go for physiotheraphy and osteopatheraphy. Osteopatheraphy wasn't that bad, I would lie there on a bench and have my body examined for over two hours (terribly dull). Then after two years of that, they said 'sorry, maybe you will grow out of your chest problems'. I didn't lose all hope, as I still had the physio report to turn to....
...I had been punished and driven in the hospital gym for over one year of the treatment, they made me run or exercise till I couldn't breathe. Wanting to see if different exercises effected me different. To them I was a hamster with a new growth problem, the MRI (my most terrifying moment in life was that machine) had told them that my diaphragm wasn't expanding properly because of a muscle attached to the lower rib. This scared me.
However, years later I am still here, making use of what exercise I can do, which is normally a few situps and a quick game of footie every college day.
I have already talked before on this forum about my way out. Breifly, gaming was a huge thing for me in all times of worry, it was something that put most of the problems behind me, and for a few seconds during that particular game, I felt empty, hollow and beautifully numb.
As I moved through High School it hit me that my GCSE's were a few weeks away, I started to teach myself Science. Those three books that help you revise, I taught myself as much as I could, we didn't really have any proper Science lessons at my school. They were on the timetable, but it normally resulted in a fire alarm or the game we made called 'bunsen burner challenge'. With this new frame of mind, I knew I only needed to pass five GCSE's to get into college, with extra English help from Will Self (yeap, that guy) my end results were that I passed exceeding all my hopes (passing all except one: 10 A-C's).
This taught me one thing, if I help myself, I will succeed.
'In your life, there is only you Joby' - My father.
I was thrilled, a new look, the skies were no longer vanilla coloured, just pure white. Sadly, this purity had a disgustingly horrible grey lining. It was about to hit me in the summer.
The worst thing in life, is seeing someone die, but still live. Maybe that needs more explanation. Well, my mother and father dragged eachother down, physically fighting and destorying the family. My two sisters departed, for good. My brother also left home. I was a wreck. Watching my stable 'home' destory itself. There were the people dying, my parents. There I was, trying to open the new door, but the harse cruel wind closed it.
That was it.
I walked across the kitchen, raised a knife to my heart, and looked at myself one last time. Courage wasn't needed, I was trying to commit suicide out of fear. Not still knowing if it was fear of the past, or fear of my future.
At that moment, I fell to the floor, and all that pain that had built for four years, hit me...
...throwing the knife away, I broke down into tears that were not normal tears, each tear made me more angry, this wasn't just crying from pain, it was anger and vision.
There I was, 16 years old, just returning from a great holiday in Newquay to have this crapulence. Each time I got hit back, I would look for a new 'meaning' to life, maybe 'meaning' is too strong a word.
'The hardest thing in this life, is to live in it'
I looked for an opening, pulling myself up from that kitchen floor was the hardest thing I have ever done, it meant I had to continue, and I didn't even think to lift myself up. That was my body saying to my mind 'get up'.
College. Yes. After the 'teach yourself' GCSE results I gave myself an opening, by choosing A level courses I wanted to take. I slowly stopped talking with my mother anymore, she was just an instant pain reminder. I had to pick my future by myself.
Philosophy, Media, IT and DT. (All single courses).
Semptember came, and I had changed too much. Over the years I had developed a shell, last summer that same shell thickened too much. Nobody could brake through. I was a wondering body. I lost friends, and slowly began to realise what was happening. I had turned into a complete 'knob'. I set myself a new destination. I was going to revert myself to 'pre-summer' and also at that moment I decided to drop the IT course and the DT course.
Down to two courses the college wouldn't let me continue because I would have too much free time. I was going to have a huge argument with the principle over the 'free time' usage. NOBODY EVER HAS FREE TIME. Anyways, I took up Theatre Studies. I was taking three A level courses.
People around me laughed at me, it was a month into the course and I had dropped IT and DT, the two 'Joby Stephens' was best at. In DT my folder in GCSE gained second highest in the country, I acheived 100% in the exam. That is where that came from. IT.. well, apparently I am a computer. However, my heart told me what to do, and I did it.
Everyday I went to college, re-adjusting myself from the mornings events at home. It was in November my parents told me they didn't love me, and I was an accessory. That face of my mothers I will never forget. Never. It was her heart that made me sick. I sat on the college bound train away from friends, I remember the tear in my eye. I didn't want to be doing this.
'Hiya Joby, how are you?' I was asked three minutes later.
'Yeah cool, I am ok.' I answered.
What was the point of trying to explain something you didn't even understand.
More alike mornings followed, until December. This was my decision time. I looked at my timetable. Knowing that change was good. I marched my legs to the principles office and after too much deliberation he contacted my dad. I wanted to change the single Media course to the Double Media VCE Course (worth two). Luckily, I got backing from the Media department. I was the only person to have changed course halve way through the year in that college's history.
Not just feeling proud, I knew I had to make it for myself. Over christmas I worked my fingers through the bone, and on return (I shall leave out christmas from this post, as that was nt good) to college I had managed to defy all odds, and catch up with the rest of my 'new' class.
And here I am, deciding on my future. Shall I go to America for university. I am terrible at Philosophy, however I enjoy it (which is the point). Theatre Studies I enjoy, even though I am not good at it. MediaVCE I love, I look forward to the lesson, giving me more hope for the future.
'Its nice to be good at something, its better to be the best.'
I am about to go for councilling for my troubles, hoping it will help, however I know that this very post has helped me express feelings. It reminds you of the past, which in this case is bad, although it reminds you that it must get better.
My dad still looks older by the day. My mum, I never even mention her (you might have noticed). Life isn't bliss. Life is just this. Its living.
Little over a month ago I found out the meaning of my name Joby.
'The trialed and tested one by God'. That made me smile. Briefly.
I admire you Grix, I would even go as far as to say you have all my respect. You will be brilliant. Thats all.
I'm scared too.
Joby
We are doing a ride setting off from Cuerden Valley car park and heading off towards the canal at whittle,over to Darwen Tower and maybe end up at Witton Park. Meet at the car park Lancaster lane for an 8 o clock start
Well Im just aboot to choose my GCSE's quite worrying as it can shape your whole life in the future really. That was an intresting read Er-no very sad especially aboot the parent bit, my parents are divorved and that really hit me hard.
Don't feel your post was ignored in Grix's topic, I'm sure it wasn't. There are several of us now at the age where we first start to think seriously about the future... we know what it's like.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
I think we're all scared...
We may never have physically stood, ready to give ourselves to blissful nothingness, but I think everyone, certainly me, has wondered why, and wouldn't it all be easier if we never were. But then it would just be someone else in this position. And we could do nothing.
I think I am quite lucky. I may not be 'cool' at school, but I am pretty clever, often with that 'boff' tag, but I don't really mind. I don't seem to try all that hard and still do well. But while someone who does not do so well will take pride when they do, I find little meaning in the grades, the marks, the ratings.
Everyone can be scared. There may be that shell, looking strong, looking as if they don't care, but life can scare everyone. We only get one chance at it. What if we waste it? But we can't become consumed by the 'what if's?'. Rather we should try to learn from mistakes, but not dwell on what we cannot change.
Often it is easier to give advice than to take it. But try.
We may never have physically stood, ready to give ourselves to blissful nothingness, but I think everyone, certainly me, has wondered why, and wouldn't it all be easier if we never were. But then it would just be someone else in this position. And we could do nothing.
I think I am quite lucky. I may not be 'cool' at school, but I am pretty clever, often with that 'boff' tag, but I don't really mind. I don't seem to try all that hard and still do well. But while someone who does not do so well will take pride when they do, I find little meaning in the grades, the marks, the ratings.
Everyone can be scared. There may be that shell, looking strong, looking as if they don't care, but life can scare everyone. We only get one chance at it. What if we waste it? But we can't become consumed by the 'what if's?'. Rather we should try to learn from mistakes, but not dwell on what we cannot change.
Often it is easier to give advice than to take it. But try.
I did post this in Grix's topic, however, nobody really noticed it, and I don't blame them, it was Grix's topic which was an amazingly moving topic. It really helped me think about a few things, so here was my reply. Hopefully people will read this.
It was four years ago I began to feel that my life was falling apart. I had to stop all my sports and activities and twice a week go for physiotheraphy and osteopatheraphy. Osteopatheraphy wasn't that bad, I would lie there on a bench and have my body examined for over two hours (terribly dull). Then after two years of that, they said 'sorry, maybe you will grow out of your chest problems'. I didn't lose all hope, as I still had the physio report to turn to....
...I had been punished and driven in the hospital gym for over one year of the treatment, they made me run or exercise till I couldn't breathe. Wanting to see if different exercises effected me different. To them I was a hamster with a new growth problem, the MRI (my most terrifying moment in life was that machine) had told them that my diaphragm wasn't expanding properly because of a muscle attached to the lower rib. This scared me.
However, years later I am still here, making use of what exercise I can do, which is normally a few situps and a quick game of footie every college day.
I have already talked before on this forum about my way out. Breifly, gaming was a huge thing for me in all times of worry, it was something that put most of the problems behind me, and for a few seconds during that particular game, I felt empty, hollow and beautifully numb.
As I moved through High School it hit me that my GCSE's were a few weeks away, I started to teach myself Science. Those three books that help you revise, I taught myself as much as I could, we didn't really have any proper Science lessons at my school. They were on the timetable, but it normally resulted in a fire alarm or the game we made called 'bunsen burner challenge'. With this new frame of mind, I knew I only needed to pass five GCSE's to get into college, with extra English help from Will Self (yeap, that guy) my end results were that I passed exceeding all my hopes (passing all except one: 10 A-C's).
This taught me one thing, if I help myself, I will succeed.
'In your life, there is only you Joby' - My father.
I was thrilled, a new look, the skies were no longer vanilla coloured, just pure white. Sadly, this purity had a disgustingly horrible grey lining. It was about to hit me in the summer.
The worst thing in life, is seeing someone die, but still live. Maybe that needs more explanation. Well, my mother and father dragged eachother down, physically fighting and destorying the family. My two sisters departed, for good. My brother also left home. I was a wreck. Watching my stable 'home' destory itself. There were the people dying, my parents. There I was, trying to open the new door, but the harse cruel wind closed it.
That was it.
I walked across the kitchen, raised a knife to my heart, and looked at myself one last time. Courage wasn't needed, I was trying to commit suicide out of fear. Not still knowing if it was fear of the past, or fear of my future.
At that moment, I fell to the floor, and all that pain that had built for four years, hit me...
...throwing the knife away, I broke down into tears that were not normal tears, each tear made me more angry, this wasn't just crying from pain, it was anger and vision.
There I was, 16 years old, just returning from a great holiday in Newquay to have this crapulence. Each time I got hit back, I would look for a new 'meaning' to life, maybe 'meaning' is too strong a word.
'The hardest thing in this life, is to live in it'
I looked for an opening, pulling myself up from that kitchen floor was the hardest thing I have ever done, it meant I had to continue, and I didn't even think to lift myself up. That was my body saying to my mind 'get up'.
College. Yes. After the 'teach yourself' GCSE results I gave myself an opening, by choosing A level courses I wanted to take. I slowly stopped talking with my mother anymore, she was just an instant pain reminder. I had to pick my future by myself.
Philosophy, Media, IT and DT. (All single courses).
Semptember came, and I had changed too much. Over the years I had developed a shell, last summer that same shell thickened too much. Nobody could brake through. I was a wondering body. I lost friends, and slowly began to realise what was happening. I had turned into a complete 'knob'. I set myself a new destination. I was going to revert myself to 'pre-summer' and also at that moment I decided to drop the IT course and the DT course.
Down to two courses the college wouldn't let me continue because I would have too much free time. I was going to have a huge argument with the principle over the 'free time' usage. NOBODY EVER HAS FREE TIME. Anyways, I took up Theatre Studies. I was taking three A level courses.
People around me laughed at me, it was a month into the course and I had dropped IT and DT, the two 'Joby Stephens' was best at. In DT my folder in GCSE gained second highest in the country, I acheived 100% in the exam. That is where that came from. IT.. well, apparently I am a computer. However, my heart told me what to do, and I did it.
Everyday I went to college, re-adjusting myself from the mornings events at home. It was in November my parents told me they didn't love me, and I was an accessory. That face of my mothers I will never forget. Never. It was her heart that made me sick. I sat on the college bound train away from friends, I remember the tear in my eye. I didn't want to be doing this.
'Hiya Joby, how are you?' I was asked three minutes later.
'Yeah cool, I am ok.' I answered.
What was the point of trying to explain something you didn't even understand.
More alike mornings followed, until December. This was my decision time. I looked at my timetable. Knowing that change was good. I marched my legs to the principles office and after too much deliberation he contacted my dad. I wanted to change the single Media course to the Double Media VCE Course (worth two). Luckily, I got backing from the Media department. I was the only person to have changed course halve way through the year in that college's history.
Not just feeling proud, I knew I had to make it for myself. Over christmas I worked my fingers through the bone, and on return (I shall leave out christmas from this post, as that was nt good) to college I had managed to defy all odds, and catch up with the rest of my 'new' class.
And here I am, deciding on my future. Shall I go to America for university. I am terrible at Philosophy, however I enjoy it (which is the point). Theatre Studies I enjoy, even though I am not good at it. MediaVCE I love, I look forward to the lesson, giving me more hope for the future.
'Its nice to be good at something, its better to be the best.'
I am about to go for councilling for my troubles, hoping it will help, however I know that this very post has helped me express feelings. It reminds you of the past, which in this case is bad, although it reminds you that it must get better.
My dad still looks older by the day. My mum, I never even mention her (you might have noticed). Life isn't bliss. Life is just this. Its living.
Little over a month ago I found out the meaning of my name Joby.
'The trialed and tested one by God'. That made me smile. Briefly.
I admire you Grix, I would even go as far as to say you have all my respect. You will be brilliant. Thats all.
I'm scared too.
Joby
It was four years ago I began to feel that my life was falling apart. I had to stop all my sports and activities and twice a week go for physiotheraphy and osteopatheraphy. Osteopatheraphy wasn't that bad, I would lie there on a bench and have my body examined for over two hours (terribly dull). Then after two years of that, they said 'sorry, maybe you will grow out of your chest problems'. I didn't lose all hope, as I still had the physio report to turn to....
...I had been punished and driven in the hospital gym for over one year of the treatment, they made me run or exercise till I couldn't breathe. Wanting to see if different exercises effected me different. To them I was a hamster with a new growth problem, the MRI (my most terrifying moment in life was that machine) had told them that my diaphragm wasn't expanding properly because of a muscle attached to the lower rib. This scared me.
However, years later I am still here, making use of what exercise I can do, which is normally a few situps and a quick game of footie every college day.
I have already talked before on this forum about my way out. Breifly, gaming was a huge thing for me in all times of worry, it was something that put most of the problems behind me, and for a few seconds during that particular game, I felt empty, hollow and beautifully numb.
As I moved through High School it hit me that my GCSE's were a few weeks away, I started to teach myself Science. Those three books that help you revise, I taught myself as much as I could, we didn't really have any proper Science lessons at my school. They were on the timetable, but it normally resulted in a fire alarm or the game we made called 'bunsen burner challenge'. With this new frame of mind, I knew I only needed to pass five GCSE's to get into college, with extra English help from Will Self (yeap, that guy) my end results were that I passed exceeding all my hopes (passing all except one: 10 A-C's).
This taught me one thing, if I help myself, I will succeed.
'In your life, there is only you Joby' - My father.
I was thrilled, a new look, the skies were no longer vanilla coloured, just pure white. Sadly, this purity had a disgustingly horrible grey lining. It was about to hit me in the summer.
The worst thing in life, is seeing someone die, but still live. Maybe that needs more explanation. Well, my mother and father dragged eachother down, physically fighting and destorying the family. My two sisters departed, for good. My brother also left home. I was a wreck. Watching my stable 'home' destory itself. There were the people dying, my parents. There I was, trying to open the new door, but the harse cruel wind closed it.
That was it.
I walked across the kitchen, raised a knife to my heart, and looked at myself one last time. Courage wasn't needed, I was trying to commit suicide out of fear. Not still knowing if it was fear of the past, or fear of my future.
At that moment, I fell to the floor, and all that pain that had built for four years, hit me...
...throwing the knife away, I broke down into tears that were not normal tears, each tear made me more angry, this wasn't just crying from pain, it was anger and vision.
There I was, 16 years old, just returning from a great holiday in Newquay to have this crapulence. Each time I got hit back, I would look for a new 'meaning' to life, maybe 'meaning' is too strong a word.
'The hardest thing in this life, is to live in it'
I looked for an opening, pulling myself up from that kitchen floor was the hardest thing I have ever done, it meant I had to continue, and I didn't even think to lift myself up. That was my body saying to my mind 'get up'.
College. Yes. After the 'teach yourself' GCSE results I gave myself an opening, by choosing A level courses I wanted to take. I slowly stopped talking with my mother anymore, she was just an instant pain reminder. I had to pick my future by myself.
Philosophy, Media, IT and DT. (All single courses).
Semptember came, and I had changed too much. Over the years I had developed a shell, last summer that same shell thickened too much. Nobody could brake through. I was a wondering body. I lost friends, and slowly began to realise what was happening. I had turned into a complete 'knob'. I set myself a new destination. I was going to revert myself to 'pre-summer' and also at that moment I decided to drop the IT course and the DT course.
Down to two courses the college wouldn't let me continue because I would have too much free time. I was going to have a huge argument with the principle over the 'free time' usage. NOBODY EVER HAS FREE TIME. Anyways, I took up Theatre Studies. I was taking three A level courses.
People around me laughed at me, it was a month into the course and I had dropped IT and DT, the two 'Joby Stephens' was best at. In DT my folder in GCSE gained second highest in the country, I acheived 100% in the exam. That is where that came from. IT.. well, apparently I am a computer. However, my heart told me what to do, and I did it.
Everyday I went to college, re-adjusting myself from the mornings events at home. It was in November my parents told me they didn't love me, and I was an accessory. That face of my mothers I will never forget. Never. It was her heart that made me sick. I sat on the college bound train away from friends, I remember the tear in my eye. I didn't want to be doing this.
'Hiya Joby, how are you?' I was asked three minutes later.
'Yeah cool, I am ok.' I answered.
What was the point of trying to explain something you didn't even understand.
More alike mornings followed, until December. This was my decision time. I looked at my timetable. Knowing that change was good. I marched my legs to the principles office and after too much deliberation he contacted my dad. I wanted to change the single Media course to the Double Media VCE Course (worth two). Luckily, I got backing from the Media department. I was the only person to have changed course halve way through the year in that college's history.
Not just feeling proud, I knew I had to make it for myself. Over christmas I worked my fingers through the bone, and on return (I shall leave out christmas from this post, as that was nt good) to college I had managed to defy all odds, and catch up with the rest of my 'new' class.
And here I am, deciding on my future. Shall I go to America for university. I am terrible at Philosophy, however I enjoy it (which is the point). Theatre Studies I enjoy, even though I am not good at it. MediaVCE I love, I look forward to the lesson, giving me more hope for the future.
'Its nice to be good at something, its better to be the best.'
I am about to go for councilling for my troubles, hoping it will help, however I know that this very post has helped me express feelings. It reminds you of the past, which in this case is bad, although it reminds you that it must get better.
My dad still looks older by the day. My mum, I never even mention her (you might have noticed). Life isn't bliss. Life is just this. Its living.
Little over a month ago I found out the meaning of my name Joby.
'The trialed and tested one by God'. That made me smile. Briefly.
I admire you Grix, I would even go as far as to say you have all my respect. You will be brilliant. Thats all.
I'm scared too.
Joby