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Man logic is perfectly simple:
Woman Logic is not:
Problem: I am thirsty and in need of refreshment.
Man Solution: Drink beer.
Woman Solution: Spend five hours deciding which flavour of Bacardi breezer to drink, worry about getting fat, count calories in each flavour, get stressed as blokes have bought six rounds by this point, have a glass of water as it's 11pm sulk for the week because you got left out and had to drive.
Problem: I feel bloated and uncomfortable.
Man Solution: Fart. As Loudly as possible. celebrate by having a beer.
Woman Solution: Spend œ12 on wind-eze and other such quack medication because ladies don't poot apparently. Sulk because he saves the biggest fart until you're in bed together.
Problem: My feet hurt.
Man Solution: Find a pub and take the weight off them. Have a beer whilst you're at it.
Woman Solution: Spend œ250 on new shoes. Never wear them as they're uncomfortable when new
Problem: I am hungry.
Man Solution: Eat food. Any food. Preferably hot enough to generate a beer thirst.
Woman Solution: Spend seven hours finding suitable low-calorie food that satisfies your taste buds, spend hours cooking and preparing it. Sulk when bloke arrives stinking of beer with a Donner Kebab.
Problem: I am depressed.
Man Solution: Drink beer with your mates, talk about how great breasts are and forget what the problem was.
Woman Solution: Cry. For no reason whatsoever. Ring bloke. Get upset with him for something he didn't do/doesn't remember doing/wasn't physically capable of doing. Ring friend make her cry too.
Problem: I am lonely.
Man Solution: Have a w*nk. Then have a beer to top the evening off.
Woman Solution: Cry. Watch girly film, eat 4kg of Haagen Dazs, cry about the calories. Hug giant teddy bear (thoughtful present from other half who really bought it to buy time long enough to go out on the lash with the lads after England hump Wales royally in the six nations.)
Problem: I am bored and have no money.
Man Solution: Have a beer - that's what you spent your money on right?
Woman Solution: Count your collection of unworn shoes, tidy house, shout at bloke for being messy, watch Bridget Jones/Titanic/Girly Film. cry about something meaningless and unimportant, cry more because you don't know why you're crying. Think how wonderful bloke is as he gives you a loving cuddle,until you notice that he smells of beer and is actually relying on you to hold him upright. shout a bit and cry some more
Problem: I cannot decide between two beautiful ladies/gorgeous men.
Man Solution: Have a beer to celebrate, get all your mates round, make sure they all know about your dilemma and all have lots of beer to celebrate.
Shag them both.
Woman Solution: Cry. Then get all your mates round to discuss their relative merits. Cry when you discover one is hung like a baboon but has all the delicacy of a trained gorilla and the other is loving & sensitive but hung like a gerbil.
Woman Logic is not:
Problem: I am thirsty and in need of refreshment.
Man Solution: Drink beer.
Woman Solution: Spend five hours deciding which flavour of Bacardi breezer to drink, worry about getting fat, count calories in each flavour, get stressed as blokes have bought six rounds by this point, have a glass of water as it's 11pm sulk for the week because you got left out and had to drive.
Problem: I feel bloated and uncomfortable.
Man Solution: Fart. As Loudly as possible. celebrate by having a beer.
Woman Solution: Spend œ12 on wind-eze and other such quack medication because ladies don't poot apparently. Sulk because he saves the biggest fart until you're in bed together.
Problem: My feet hurt.
Man Solution: Find a pub and take the weight off them. Have a beer whilst you're at it.
Woman Solution: Spend œ250 on new shoes. Never wear them as they're uncomfortable when new
Problem: I am hungry.
Man Solution: Eat food. Any food. Preferably hot enough to generate a beer thirst.
Woman Solution: Spend seven hours finding suitable low-calorie food that satisfies your taste buds, spend hours cooking and preparing it. Sulk when bloke arrives stinking of beer with a Donner Kebab.
Problem: I am depressed.
Man Solution: Drink beer with your mates, talk about how great breasts are and forget what the problem was.
Woman Solution: Cry. For no reason whatsoever. Ring bloke. Get upset with him for something he didn't do/doesn't remember doing/wasn't physically capable of doing. Ring friend make her cry too.
Problem: I am lonely.
Man Solution: Have a w*nk. Then have a beer to top the evening off.
Woman Solution: Cry. Watch girly film, eat 4kg of Haagen Dazs, cry about the calories. Hug giant teddy bear (thoughtful present from other half who really bought it to buy time long enough to go out on the lash with the lads after England hump Wales royally in the six nations.)
Problem: I am bored and have no money.
Man Solution: Have a beer - that's what you spent your money on right?
Woman Solution: Count your collection of unworn shoes, tidy house, shout at bloke for being messy, watch Bridget Jones/Titanic/Girly Film. cry about something meaningless and unimportant, cry more because you don't know why you're crying. Think how wonderful bloke is as he gives you a loving cuddle,until you notice that he smells of beer and is actually relying on you to hold him upright. shout a bit and cry some more
Problem: I cannot decide between two beautiful ladies/gorgeous men.
Man Solution: Have a beer to celebrate, get all your mates round, make sure they all know about your dilemma and all have lots of beer to celebrate.
Shag them both.
Woman Solution: Cry. Then get all your mates round to discuss their relative merits. Cry when you discover one is hung like a baboon but has all the delicacy of a trained gorilla and the other is loving & sensitive but hung like a gerbil.
LOL @ Wookiee
If he wins the Notable election, I'm not expecting a thank-you speech until September! :-)
A bit?!?!
Your Honour wrote:
> I just realised that I can't spell.
Don't worry, we all realised that months ago. But then, you always were a bit slow ;)
> I just realised that I can't spell.
Don't worry, we all realised that months ago. But then, you always were a bit slow ;)
I just realised that I can't spell.
Logig anyone? Ooops.
Logig anyone? Ooops.
Lol, but its all true
So very, very true.
Man logic is perfectly simple:
Woman Logic is not:
Problem: I am thirsty and in need of refreshment.
Man Solution: Drink beer.
Woman Solution: Spend five hours deciding which flavour of Bacardi breezer to drink, worry about getting fat, count calories in each flavour, get stressed as blokes have bought six rounds by this point, have a glass of water as it's 11pm sulk for the week because you got left out and had to drive.
Problem: I feel bloated and uncomfortable.
Man Solution: Fart. As Loudly as possible. celebrate by having a beer.
Woman Solution: Spend œ12 on wind-eze and other such quack medication because ladies don't poot apparently. Sulk because he saves the biggest fart until you're in bed together.
Problem: My feet hurt.
Man Solution: Find a pub and take the weight off them. Have a beer whilst you're at it.
Woman Solution: Spend œ250 on new shoes. Never wear them as they're uncomfortable when new
Problem: I am hungry.
Man Solution: Eat food. Any food. Preferably hot enough to generate a beer thirst.
Woman Solution: Spend seven hours finding suitable low-calorie food that satisfies your taste buds, spend hours cooking and preparing it. Sulk when bloke arrives stinking of beer with a Donner Kebab.
Problem: I am depressed.
Man Solution: Drink beer with your mates, talk about how great breasts are and forget what the problem was.
Woman Solution: Cry. For no reason whatsoever. Ring bloke. Get upset with him for something he didn't do/doesn't remember doing/wasn't physically capable of doing. Ring friend make her cry too.
Problem: I am lonely.
Man Solution: Have a w*nk. Then have a beer to top the evening off.
Woman Solution: Cry. Watch girly film, eat 4kg of Haagen Dazs, cry about the calories. Hug giant teddy bear (thoughtful present from other half who really bought it to buy time long enough to go out on the lash with the lads after England hump Wales royally in the six nations.)
Problem: I am bored and have no money.
Man Solution: Have a beer - that's what you spent your money on right?
Woman Solution: Count your collection of unworn shoes, tidy house, shout at bloke for being messy, watch Bridget Jones/Titanic/Girly Film. cry about something meaningless and unimportant, cry more because you don't know why you're crying. Think how wonderful bloke is as he gives you a loving cuddle,until you notice that he smells of beer and is actually relying on you to hold him upright. shout a bit and cry some more
Problem: I cannot decide between two beautiful ladies/gorgeous men.
Man Solution: Have a beer to celebrate, get all your mates round, make sure they all know about your dilemma and all have lots of beer to celebrate.
Shag them both.
Woman Solution: Cry. Then get all your mates round to discuss their relative merits. Cry when you discover one is hung like a baboon but has all the delicacy of a trained gorilla and the other is loving & sensitive but hung like a gerbil.
Woman Logic is not:
Problem: I am thirsty and in need of refreshment.
Man Solution: Drink beer.
Woman Solution: Spend five hours deciding which flavour of Bacardi breezer to drink, worry about getting fat, count calories in each flavour, get stressed as blokes have bought six rounds by this point, have a glass of water as it's 11pm sulk for the week because you got left out and had to drive.
Problem: I feel bloated and uncomfortable.
Man Solution: Fart. As Loudly as possible. celebrate by having a beer.
Woman Solution: Spend œ12 on wind-eze and other such quack medication because ladies don't poot apparently. Sulk because he saves the biggest fart until you're in bed together.
Problem: My feet hurt.
Man Solution: Find a pub and take the weight off them. Have a beer whilst you're at it.
Woman Solution: Spend œ250 on new shoes. Never wear them as they're uncomfortable when new
Problem: I am hungry.
Man Solution: Eat food. Any food. Preferably hot enough to generate a beer thirst.
Woman Solution: Spend seven hours finding suitable low-calorie food that satisfies your taste buds, spend hours cooking and preparing it. Sulk when bloke arrives stinking of beer with a Donner Kebab.
Problem: I am depressed.
Man Solution: Drink beer with your mates, talk about how great breasts are and forget what the problem was.
Woman Solution: Cry. For no reason whatsoever. Ring bloke. Get upset with him for something he didn't do/doesn't remember doing/wasn't physically capable of doing. Ring friend make her cry too.
Problem: I am lonely.
Man Solution: Have a w*nk. Then have a beer to top the evening off.
Woman Solution: Cry. Watch girly film, eat 4kg of Haagen Dazs, cry about the calories. Hug giant teddy bear (thoughtful present from other half who really bought it to buy time long enough to go out on the lash with the lads after England hump Wales royally in the six nations.)
Problem: I am bored and have no money.
Man Solution: Have a beer - that's what you spent your money on right?
Woman Solution: Count your collection of unworn shoes, tidy house, shout at bloke for being messy, watch Bridget Jones/Titanic/Girly Film. cry about something meaningless and unimportant, cry more because you don't know why you're crying. Think how wonderful bloke is as he gives you a loving cuddle,until you notice that he smells of beer and is actually relying on you to hold him upright. shout a bit and cry some more
Problem: I cannot decide between two beautiful ladies/gorgeous men.
Man Solution: Have a beer to celebrate, get all your mates round, make sure they all know about your dilemma and all have lots of beer to celebrate.
Shag them both.
Woman Solution: Cry. Then get all your mates round to discuss their relative merits. Cry when you discover one is hung like a baboon but has all the delicacy of a trained gorilla and the other is loving & sensitive but hung like a gerbil.