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In a press conference held in his top-secret mountain layer, Pop Idol's biggest celebrity, Simon Cowell, revealed the next stage in his plans for television domination. After extensive talks with the Vatican it has been decided to drag papal elections kicking and screaming into the 21st Century. Hitting TV screens in the summer, Pope Idol will give one talented member of the general public to become Pope as soon as the current Pope, Jean-Paul II, dies.
Cowell, surrounded by a bevy of buxom beauties, briefly entertained the world’s media, deigning to answer a few questions, before storming out of the hollowed-out volcano on the verge of tears after a journalist pointed out that he was “flying low”. His abrupt departure has meant that details remain scanty, but an insider commented:
“Everyone’s very excited about the Pope Idol concept; it was the product of some blue skies thinking and intelligent conglomerate synergy on Simon’s part. But now we have the idea we’re currently assessing the radical continuity of the proposals. Essentially, at base level, this just comes down to systemised transitional flexibility.”
Meanwhile it appears that Pope-mania is already sweeping the world. A number of stars have expressed an interest in position, including Britain’s own Geri Halliwell;
“I’m dead biblical, you know,” revealed Geri “And if I was Pope I would kick some life into that boring old place. It’d also be a big step for Girl Power, me being the first women to be Pope. And my record company think it would be the next logical step in the hard-sell marketing campaign for my new album, ‘Scream if you wanna go faster’, priced £9.99 from all quality record shops.”
However, Geri faces stiff opposition from her fellow celebrities. The WWF has organised a pay-per-view event specifically to select its candidate for the papacy. “WWF:Judgment Day” will be a no-holds-barred cage match, featuring all prospective candidates in the same ring. The eventual winner will be the wrestler who can successfully recite the Lord’s Prayer in its entirety without being taken out by one of his rivals.
Yet Pope-fever has not just hit the world of wrestling, the announcement sent shockwaves through the murky depths of organised crime. Already numerous mobsters have enrolled to appear on the program, having realised that the position holds full immunity from prosecution. This fact has shocked many people, who had not been told that it was already possible to enrol. “Those mobsters have all the connections,” seethed one angry man “It’s not fair. I want to be Pope too and I think I’m speaking for Joe public when I say that we should have been told!”
Having already had massive success with its ‘X-box’ tie-in the Vatican was reported to be “delighted with the warm response” the new system had received. At the present moment “warm response” looks to be a massive understatement; already there has been a massive increase in Church attendance and Bible sales, prompting many to herald Pope Idol as the beginning of a religious renaissance. Church ministers in Bible-belt America posted figures showing a 150% increase in the salvation of souls in the calendar month of January – a figure they expect to increase further over the fiscal year. One excited church minister commented, “Praise to the Lord for he hath sent upon us a great man in the personage of Simon Cowell. While Simon may not always have stayed on the straight and narrow path suggested by our most Righteous Lord, hallowed be His holy name, we can forgive Simon anything for kneeling at the altar of Christ our Lord and offering this most pious of gifts.”
As the Pope Idol obsession sweeps the globe it seems as though Catholicism truly is cool. However, members of the increasingly irrelevant ‘hear’say’ were reported to be “bitter” and “hurt”, one of the blokes (no-one could remember their names) commented, “I can’t believe that such an exploitative programme is being made, designed to generate an entirely manufactured Pope. While standards may be slipping I for one shall not be watching this shallow mockery of our society.”
Defunct indie-band Hurricane #1 were unavailable for comment at the time of going to press, but as soon as they have released a statement it shall be unilaterally ignored.
Cowell, surrounded by a bevy of buxom beauties, briefly entertained the world’s media, deigning to answer a few questions, before storming out of the hollowed-out volcano on the verge of tears after a journalist pointed out that he was “flying low”. His abrupt departure has meant that details remain scanty, but an insider commented:
“Everyone’s very excited about the Pope Idol concept; it was the product of some blue skies thinking and intelligent conglomerate synergy on Simon’s part. But now we have the idea we’re currently assessing the radical continuity of the proposals. Essentially, at base level, this just comes down to systemised transitional flexibility.”
Meanwhile it appears that Pope-mania is already sweeping the world. A number of stars have expressed an interest in position, including Britain’s own Geri Halliwell;
“I’m dead biblical, you know,” revealed Geri “And if I was Pope I would kick some life into that boring old place. It’d also be a big step for Girl Power, me being the first women to be Pope. And my record company think it would be the next logical step in the hard-sell marketing campaign for my new album, ‘Scream if you wanna go faster’, priced £9.99 from all quality record shops.”
However, Geri faces stiff opposition from her fellow celebrities. The WWF has organised a pay-per-view event specifically to select its candidate for the papacy. “WWF:Judgment Day” will be a no-holds-barred cage match, featuring all prospective candidates in the same ring. The eventual winner will be the wrestler who can successfully recite the Lord’s Prayer in its entirety without being taken out by one of his rivals.
Yet Pope-fever has not just hit the world of wrestling, the announcement sent shockwaves through the murky depths of organised crime. Already numerous mobsters have enrolled to appear on the program, having realised that the position holds full immunity from prosecution. This fact has shocked many people, who had not been told that it was already possible to enrol. “Those mobsters have all the connections,” seethed one angry man “It’s not fair. I want to be Pope too and I think I’m speaking for Joe public when I say that we should have been told!”
Having already had massive success with its ‘X-box’ tie-in the Vatican was reported to be “delighted with the warm response” the new system had received. At the present moment “warm response” looks to be a massive understatement; already there has been a massive increase in Church attendance and Bible sales, prompting many to herald Pope Idol as the beginning of a religious renaissance. Church ministers in Bible-belt America posted figures showing a 150% increase in the salvation of souls in the calendar month of January – a figure they expect to increase further over the fiscal year. One excited church minister commented, “Praise to the Lord for he hath sent upon us a great man in the personage of Simon Cowell. While Simon may not always have stayed on the straight and narrow path suggested by our most Righteous Lord, hallowed be His holy name, we can forgive Simon anything for kneeling at the altar of Christ our Lord and offering this most pious of gifts.”
As the Pope Idol obsession sweeps the globe it seems as though Catholicism truly is cool. However, members of the increasingly irrelevant ‘hear’say’ were reported to be “bitter” and “hurt”, one of the blokes (no-one could remember their names) commented, “I can’t believe that such an exploitative programme is being made, designed to generate an entirely manufactured Pope. While standards may be slipping I for one shall not be watching this shallow mockery of our society.”
Defunct indie-band Hurricane #1 were unavailable for comment at the time of going to press, but as soon as they have released a statement it shall be unilaterally ignored.
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sal
I had a stab at carrying on the series. Probably no good though.
How about "Idol" whoever wins becomes a God and has to be worshipped and gets the power to rule the world?
I thought about judge idol: a programme to pick the next nasty judge for the next nsty idol show.
However, I'm pretty certain I picked that one up subconsciously from NME. At least I think it was NME.
However, I'm pretty certain I picked that one up subconsciously from NME. At least I think it was NME.
misterhappy wrote:
Hey, that means Rock Idol and Pope Idol
> have won... Can anyone else come up with an amusing parody of the Idol
> series?
Well I was thinking of doing a parody all the way back when Popstars was out.
But I didn't think SR would approve of my parody since this is forum is viewed by children. I think P*RNSTARS would have offended a few people :/
Use your imagination... "I've always wanted to be a P*rnstar!"
The put downs.. "I'm sorry but you are not P*rnstar material."
and so on.
I'd write about it but I'd probably get myself banned.. :D
Hey, that means Rock Idol and Pope Idol
> have won... Can anyone else come up with an amusing parody of the Idol
> series?
Well I was thinking of doing a parody all the way back when Popstars was out.
But I didn't think SR would approve of my parody since this is forum is viewed by children. I think P*RNSTARS would have offended a few people :/
Use your imagination... "I've always wanted to be a P*rnstar!"
The put downs.. "I'm sorry but you are not P*rnstar material."
and so on.
I'd write about it but I'd probably get myself banned.. :D
Damn. I'm going to have to give HMV my money. But I'll be rude and won't say thank you when the dappy blonde person gives it to me in a bag.
Maybe.
Maybe.
I got the Chasing AMy DVD on holiday. Basically it's an exact port of the laserdisc version, or so Kevin Smith tells us, with an introduction by Kevin Smith, in which he laughs at those who have the laserdisc edition. Amusingly the commentary also begins with a jibe at DVD with KS saying something along the lines of "funk DVD, it'll never catch on". He retracts the statement in the introduction. Also you get to see how much weight he's put on between the time of filming Chasing Amy's DVD extras and filming the introduction. Oh, and you get out-takes and extra scenes and a commentary and some other stuff. And it's not too badly priced, £16.99, I think. Plus it will be an HMV exclusive indefinitely.
Oh and the film's worth watching as well, if you have time :-)
Oh and the film's worth watching as well, if you have time :-)
Bagger me... That one was unexpected.
Hey, that means Rock Idol and Pope Idol have won... Can anyone else come up with an amusing parody of the Idol series?
Thanks to SR. You guys rock.
Hey, that means Rock Idol and Pope Idol have won... Can anyone else come up with an amusing parody of the Idol series?
Thanks to SR. You guys rock.
Excellent. Missed this first time round.
Well deserved GAD win, happy.
Got Chasing Amy yet? I am undecided. Should I submit to HMV high street overpriced crap and accept it mindlessly, or wait until it's not an HMV exclusive? Any extras?
Got Chasing Amy yet? I am undecided. Should I submit to HMV high street overpriced crap and accept it mindlessly, or wait until it's not an HMV exclusive? Any extras?
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