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"Hippies iron grip on the gaming world"

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Tue 10/12/02 at 22:40
Regular
Posts: 787
After the shocking news about the Honduras government banning all video games showing even the smallest amount of violence game developers have brought it Apon themselves to transform many of their prohibited games into simple fun loving titles that even a pacifist couldn’t argue with. Here are just a few finished titles that will appear on all Greek and Honduras shelves by the New Year:

Grand theft auto: nice city
You may have noticed how the first rendition of this title involved drugs, sex and lots of cars; not in this game. You are back in the eighties playing Tom, an afro-wielding, one-glove wearing striate A student living in nice city. After a small row over his “Franky says relax” T-shirt with his Nan Tom is mad and feels rebellious so buys a small bag of herb(s) from a man on the corner of the street. After consuming the parsley he goes into a druged frenzy that leads him to join a ‘the gang’ (trustworthy herd eaters) and soon the action starts. The aim of the game is to follow missions set by ‘blissful Bob’ the gang leader, on completion you receive money in which at the end if you have enough you can buy presents for your Nan to say sorry. Using a special program rock star has been able to limit what you can and can not do.
Can nots include killing, hurting, maiming, shouting, setting small animals on fire (basically anything fun). But on the up side the cans include picking flowers, skipping and in one mission you get to borrow another boys hat without asking first!

Project tricycle Gotham racing
Here using one of a selections of tricycles you must race around several tracks performing tricks to earn brownie points (apparently in the original the cars used to much fuel that polluted the environment and it encouraged under 16’s to have mad drag races along the busy market streets of Honduras). But not to worry, the tricycles have a full mot and can only reach about 3 miles per hour so not only is the life span of the game increased but the probability of a tremendous crash involving 3 vehicles colliding and exploding in a ball of flames is drastically reduced.

Metal gear sorry
Japanese stealth assassin games were never a peace lover’s favourite game genre but with this new version solid ‘milk’ snake has a chance to redeem himself fully in their books and his. Set in the location of a first game in Alaska and on the basis that you have done something ‘really’ naughty to everyone you must sneak about apologising to each solider with out being spotted. But not all soldiers came be persuade with a simple sorry and puppy dog eyes so special items an have to be used, these include a box of roses, a charlotte church album and a ‘sorry’ card made by hand out of pasta painted shells able to melt even the most blood thirsty killers heart. If you are however seen by a person still angry with you they will taunt you and call you nasty names causing you to run off crying and having to start the zone again.

Bloom
Unlike doom, bloom does not contain big guns and a load of flesh eating beasties, instead your objective is to get to the end of the level creating and nurturing plant life. As i said you don’t have a gun so instead you walk around with a watering can spraying water around in a 2 foot radius causing anything to grow with in the area. You might help a lovely sun flower to blossom in which case to get points but if a weed sprouts up accidentally you will have to fight it off with your trusty trowel and rake causing damage to your reputation as a gardener.

Now these gamless souls need not worry with this ray of hope shining though. But with that ray of hope being tricycle racing, stealthily apologising and gardening do you really think gaming is worth holding onto so badly?

damn those hippies...
There have been no replies to this thread yet.
Tue 10/12/02 at 22:40
Posts: 0
After the shocking news about the Honduras government banning all video games showing even the smallest amount of violence game developers have brought it Apon themselves to transform many of their prohibited games into simple fun loving titles that even a pacifist couldn’t argue with. Here are just a few finished titles that will appear on all Greek and Honduras shelves by the New Year:

Grand theft auto: nice city
You may have noticed how the first rendition of this title involved drugs, sex and lots of cars; not in this game. You are back in the eighties playing Tom, an afro-wielding, one-glove wearing striate A student living in nice city. After a small row over his “Franky says relax” T-shirt with his Nan Tom is mad and feels rebellious so buys a small bag of herb(s) from a man on the corner of the street. After consuming the parsley he goes into a druged frenzy that leads him to join a ‘the gang’ (trustworthy herd eaters) and soon the action starts. The aim of the game is to follow missions set by ‘blissful Bob’ the gang leader, on completion you receive money in which at the end if you have enough you can buy presents for your Nan to say sorry. Using a special program rock star has been able to limit what you can and can not do.
Can nots include killing, hurting, maiming, shouting, setting small animals on fire (basically anything fun). But on the up side the cans include picking flowers, skipping and in one mission you get to borrow another boys hat without asking first!

Project tricycle Gotham racing
Here using one of a selections of tricycles you must race around several tracks performing tricks to earn brownie points (apparently in the original the cars used to much fuel that polluted the environment and it encouraged under 16’s to have mad drag races along the busy market streets of Honduras). But not to worry, the tricycles have a full mot and can only reach about 3 miles per hour so not only is the life span of the game increased but the probability of a tremendous crash involving 3 vehicles colliding and exploding in a ball of flames is drastically reduced.

Metal gear sorry
Japanese stealth assassin games were never a peace lover’s favourite game genre but with this new version solid ‘milk’ snake has a chance to redeem himself fully in their books and his. Set in the location of a first game in Alaska and on the basis that you have done something ‘really’ naughty to everyone you must sneak about apologising to each solider with out being spotted. But not all soldiers came be persuade with a simple sorry and puppy dog eyes so special items an have to be used, these include a box of roses, a charlotte church album and a ‘sorry’ card made by hand out of pasta painted shells able to melt even the most blood thirsty killers heart. If you are however seen by a person still angry with you they will taunt you and call you nasty names causing you to run off crying and having to start the zone again.

Bloom
Unlike doom, bloom does not contain big guns and a load of flesh eating beasties, instead your objective is to get to the end of the level creating and nurturing plant life. As i said you don’t have a gun so instead you walk around with a watering can spraying water around in a 2 foot radius causing anything to grow with in the area. You might help a lovely sun flower to blossom in which case to get points but if a weed sprouts up accidentally you will have to fight it off with your trusty trowel and rake causing damage to your reputation as a gardener.

Now these gamless souls need not worry with this ray of hope shining though. But with that ray of hope being tricycle racing, stealthily apologising and gardening do you really think gaming is worth holding onto so badly?

damn those hippies...

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