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Scene 1*
*Employees Only room in an SR office*
“AfroJoe and Aliboy are reviewing games to put them into the SR magazine while looking at sales on games in the past months”
AfroJoe= Look at these sales figures Aliboy! Grand Theft Auto 3 couldn’t have sold better if they’d hidden naked Pokemon in it! What’s their secret?!
Aliboy= Well have you played it, it’s really quite good. It’s open-ended, there is lots to do, there is an intelligent storyline and…..
AfroJoe= Nonsense! This game’s popularity obviously has everything to do with its subject at matter…. Organized Crime!
“AfroJoe gets up and begins to walk around the room while speaking”
AfroJoe= People have a taste for crime! Deep in their souls, darkness long repressed. This game is merely unlocking the doors to fantasies carried deep within the subconscious minds of the public.
Aliboy= Um, then how do you explain the tiny amount of sales from Grand Theft Auto 1 and 2?
AfroJoe= Psychic aliens or something………don’t bother me when I’m plotting.
Aliboy= AfroJoe, all I’m saying is that maybe it’s not specifically the content in this case. You remember when “Tetris” came out, and you thought the world was obsessed with multicolored blocks in various shapes.
AfroJoe= A minor miscalculation on my part, and I need not remind you of the disco ball which drains the coolness of everyone who dances under one. Shapes are evil to this day! Anyway, this Grad Theft Auto mystery is in need of a clear-cut research trip!
Aliboy= Would it be too late to put in a vote that we do NOT embark on a spree of criminal violence just for research!
AfroJoe= Oh, of course not, Aliboy, we learned our lesson about game-to-life coping with “Frogger”……darn those dumb truckers!
Aliboy= So no matter what I say, you will make me go.
AfroJoe= You got it big boy!
“AfroJoe picks up the phone and starts to dial a number”
AfroJoe= Now, let me just call my officer friend to arrange a meeting for tonight. He knows lots about many things.
“AfroJoe told Officer Carl to meet and tell him everything he knew about organized crime operations”
Scene 2*
“In the back-alley of the “Smell Me Up Good” perfume shop at 11:00pm”
Aliboy= Are you sure this is the place Officer Carl insisted meeting us in because immediately this does not strike me as an upscale, open air eatery your friend described.
AfroJoe= This is the address… They probably just haven’t set up for the day. Or… Um… cleared out for the previous day’s rat and roach population.
“A parade of pests march by the two while they stand in the smelly dark back alley”
“AfroJoe begins to pace around while thinking”
AfroJoe= Still you couldn’t find a better place to discuss the workings of the criminal element. I mean, this alley is just the sort of place you’d expect to run across a dead body or….
“SQUISH”
“AfroJoe and Aliboy look down just to see a blood drenched dead body that seemed to be beaten with a bat many times”
“Aliboy and AfroJoe look up and gaze into each others eyes blankly”
AfroJoe= Aliboy, what do you suppose the odds are that I’ve done something remarkably stupid?
Aliboy= Besides stepping in an obvious pile of dead guy, you mean?
Voice= Hands in the air!
“They both put their arms up and turn around to see that it was none other than Officer Carl with guns in his hands”
AfroJoe= O-Officer Carl?! W-What are you doing with those guns?
Officer Carl= Well, the plan is to shoot you both.
AfroJoe= Oh, actually, I’d sort of guessed that, so it was sort of a rhetorical question….What I meant was “Would You Mind NOT Shooting Us?!”
Aliboy= Yes, I second that! Good idea!
Officer Carl= Sorry fellas, I’d like to, but that’d leave too many loose ends. Just close your eyes and think of Christmas.
“They both close their eyes while shivering madly”
“BAM”
Officer Carl= Now, how do you suppose…….that happened?
“Officer Carl looks down at the gun shot wound to his heart and falls on the floor. As soon as he reached the ground a man in a brown trench coat with a gun stood in the distance. The stranger then looks down at the officers body”
Frankie= All right, come on then , fellows, let’s have a hand here!
AfroJoe= S-Santa Claus…..C-Candy Canes….
Aliboy= AfroJoe, open your eyes! We’re alive!
Frankie= For the moment so do take advantage of it and help me with the body. Bodies don’t put themselves in trunks you knowz. Not nearly often enough anyway…
“The stranger starts to grab dead Officer Carl’s feet”
Aliboy= Um, not to take away from our gratitude in the current situation, friend, but who are you?
Frankie= You could call me Frankie I wouldn’t worry about trying to get real familiar just now, as I still haven’t decided whether or not to kill ya.
Aliboy= How disappointing, but I follow your logic. You’re a hired thug then right?
Frankie= I prefer to be called “Secret Operations Engineer”. Grab his arms, would ya?
“Aliboy grasps the dead body by the arms”
Frankie= Your friend here, he was planning on framing you two for his botched drug deal. Post-humorously of course……he ain’t a real cop.
Aliboy= Ah yes, I knew there was something weird about him.
Frankie= You two weren’t in on the deal I take it?
AfroJoe= Ah no sir, we in fact, we are nameless drifters with extremely unreliable short-term memory, if that helps.
Frankie= Not especially. Why were you two out here? Bit late, dark and smelly for a midnight stroll, isn’t it?
AfroJoe= Ah well, odd though it may seem we’re on a sort of fact-finding mission for a crime-themed video game.
Aliboy= Hey um…….This guy is sort of getting dead guy stuff on me, is there any way to avoid that?
Frankie= Yeah, you arrive early and grab the clean end before anybody else for they can be stuck with the squishy parts, all right. Into the trunk he goes.
“Frankie and Aliboy shove him in AfroJoe’s car that they used to get there with”
AfroJoe= Hey! Wait! Why are you using our trunk?!
Frankie= Cause, I came in a cab if you must know. Crikey, look at the junk in this trunk! What did you do, mug a corner store.
Aliboy= In truth, up until this moment, we had considered the probability of carting dead evildoers around in our car’s very low, and allotted trunk space.
Frankie= Well, no harm done, he fits easily enough. Now, wait here a second, I have a call to make.
“Frankie walks off and gets on his mobile phone. Aliboy and AfroJoe wait patiently while whistling a tune. After a while Frankie returns”
Frankie= Okay, I’m back. The boss says I don’t have to kill youz guys yet.
“Aliboy and AfroJoe look at him fearfully”
Frfrankie= What?!
AfroJoe= If we would of known that was what you were calling about, we would have snuck away!
Frankie= Most of ‘em do. Took me four tries before I figured out not to say anything. Now lets go.
Aliboy= Go? Go where?
Frankie= First on our list we have to stop by my good pal Tiltawhirl’s house. He could help us with the guy in the trunk.
Scene3*
*At the doorway of Tiltawhirl’s apartment*
“Tiltawhirl’s house was low on glamour and full of decaying roaches and bacteria. It was like Hell’s kitchen, and one-bedroom whacked madly with an ugly stick forty to fifty times”
Tiltawhirl= Frankie! My old pal it’s been a long time. Come in. Come in.
“AfroJoe takes one look inside”
AfroJoe= Must we…
Tiltawhirl= Please, make yourselves at home! Take a seat.
“Aliboy looks at his furniture”
Aliboy= I think it’s been occupied by the roaches all ready…
Tiltawhirl= So Frankie…what brings you here tonight and who are you’re two friends?
AfroJoe= Well, my name is AfroJoe and that’s Aliboy.
“Frankie begins to take something out of nowhere”
Frankie= And this…..is my bat.
“Frankie begins to viciously beat away on Tiltawhirl”
“CRACK”
“SNAP”
“BASH”
“KILL”
“Blood slashes over everyone”
AfroJoe= Is this a way you greet all your friends?
Aliboy= I thought you said he was going to help out with the guy in the trunk.
Frankie= And I thought you said you had short-term memory. Anyway, in a matter of speaking, Tiltawhirl will be keeping him company. Tiltawhirl was Carl’s accomplice. They were going to take the drug money and skip town.
Aliboy= You have weird friends Frankie…
Frankie= Hush you. Next stop we’re going to make is at The Twins’. They’re a pair of stunningly beautiful sisters….
AfroJoe= Hot dog!!!
Frankie= ……who are criminal psychopaths.
AfroJoe= Hey they are girls, big surprise. You’re not going to kill them, right?
Frankie= If I would tell you where would the suspense be? Now grab his arms and mind the squishy parts and head to the trunk.
Aliboy= Ick…
Scene4*
*At the twins apartment*
“When the three got there on the scene, they found that the twins were all Frankie had described and more……they were dead!”
Aliboy= This does take them down a notch or two on the Attractive-O-Meter.
Frankie= Hmm.
Aliboy= You seemed troubled Frankie!
Frankie= I rather am! Unlike those last two, the twins were not small timers, and I wasn’t sent to kill them.
Aliboy= It doesn’t look like there was much of a struggle to kill these girls.
Frankie= Yeah, that’s what has me troubled. Why was I sent by my boss to take care of two small- timers when The Twins are being killed by a master assassin?
Aliboy= You tell me, YOU’RE the homicidal sociopath for hire.
Frankie= Okay fellows, next stop is the boss’s place. I have a call to make.
Aliboy= I hope he is nice.
Frankie= Actually, my guess is that the boss is already dead. So there is really no purpose of going to him. There’s only one assassin in our organization brutal enough to have done this…Grix…..Grix Thraves is his name. He’s a manic, but a darned skilled one…He lives to kill women, children, it doesn’t matter to him. He is as evil as they come!!! He has cold hard eyes and a hallow emotionless voice. He’s seven feet tall and when he talks, fire comes out of his nostrils.
Aliboy=….Really….
Frankie= Ah well maybe not that last part……..Anyway, we’re going to need some help on this one. The guy I’m calling is the best.
*Shortly after*
“KNOCKY KNOCK KNOCKY”
Aliboy= That’s your best specialist’s knock?
Frankie= Yep, that’s him. Open the door.
“Aliboy opens the door and looks down. There stood his little 6year old brother Billy with a cigar in his mouth and dark sunglasses”
Billy=!
Aliboy= Guess how much I don’t want to hear the explanation for this!
Billy= Oh sure, like you’ve never had a drive-by before….
Frankie= Gentlemen, we have a schedule to keep! Pick up as many weapons as you can carry, and take our two charming twins on the floor to the trunk.
Aliboy= I call the clean end!
Frankie= You learn fast! Unfortunately, you still must take the messy parts, or I shoot you.
Aliboy= Darn!
Scene5*
*In AfroJoe’s car in the ride to another back-alley*
AfroJoe= After numerous stops to the bathroom and an argument to whom had to have the spare tire on their lap due to the lack of trunk space it’s come to this. Where is this all going to end? Would I even be alive to see the next rising sun? Had I spent my last day without knowing it? Should I, in my whole life, have played less Donkey Kong?
“The car halts in a back-alley. You could see a skinny puny little man standing with guns in hand. He had a mustache in which he felt constantly”
AfroJoe= WAIT A SEC! That’s Grix! He has a mustache for crying out loud!
Frankie= But isn’t his mustache a little…….EVIL.
AfroJoe= Of course not……no wait it is kind of devilish.
Billy= He is evil I tell you.
Aliboy= Wait, I think me and AfroJoe have a camera under the front seat. Let us take a quick picture of him first.
“AfroJoe and Aliboy struggle to find the camera under the chair as Frankie and Billy run out of the car”
AfroJoe= Hey I think I found the camera. Aliboy reach from the other end because…….
“BAM”
“BOOM”
“BANG”
“Aliboy and AfroJoe look up then get out of the car to see what had gone down. They see Billy and Frankie standing on top of Grix Thraves body with rifles in their hands”
Billy= Hey, that wasn’t that hard!
Frankie= Job well done lads! Who’s up for a “cough cough” drink. That will “cough cough” make you forget your troubles.
Aliboy= Am, we’ll stay here thanks.
Frankie= Fair enough, with everyone dead I suppose there’s no reason to kill you, leastways, there’s no more room in the trunk, spacious though it is. We’re going to have to prop Grix here up in the passenger side and pretend me and Billy are carpooling.
Billy= Yep.
Frankie= When you get home report your stolen in the night it’ll be by the lakefront. Now we part ways, I would shake your hand but it appears to be well-covered in coarse yuck!
Aliboy= Err.
Frankie= Farewell!!
“Frankie and Billy drive off with a corpse leg popping out of the opening in the trunk”
AfroJoe= Well, I believe I’ve learned quite enough about the criminal underworld for an evening. Now I know the real edge of crime-based-games.
Aliboy= Agreed, next time we just rent “Scarface” from Blockbuster.
“AfroJoe and Aliboy began to walk away”
AfroJoe= Still, the night was not without it’s rewards! We have learned that violence begets violence and in the end, crime does not and cannot pay, except in pain and/or death. With these truths affirmed, it is with glad hearts and light spirits that we can welcome the glory of all new days to come!
Aliboy= Even though we’re stranded at a major crime scene with blood on our cloths, and our car both stolen and full of corpses?
AfroJoe= I meant later on. Now lets walk faster, Aliboy!
THE END
Drunk
*Employees Only room in an SR office*
“AfroJoe and Aliboy are reviewing games to put them into the SR magazine while looking at sales on games in the past months”
AfroJoe= Look at these sales figures Aliboy! Grand Theft Auto 3 couldn’t have sold better if they’d hidden naked Pokemon in it! What’s their secret?!
Aliboy= Well have you played it, it’s really quite good. It’s open-ended, there is lots to do, there is an intelligent storyline and…..
AfroJoe= Nonsense! This game’s popularity obviously has everything to do with its subject at matter…. Organized Crime!
“AfroJoe gets up and begins to walk around the room while speaking”
AfroJoe= People have a taste for crime! Deep in their souls, darkness long repressed. This game is merely unlocking the doors to fantasies carried deep within the subconscious minds of the public.
Aliboy= Um, then how do you explain the tiny amount of sales from Grand Theft Auto 1 and 2?
AfroJoe= Psychic aliens or something………don’t bother me when I’m plotting.
Aliboy= AfroJoe, all I’m saying is that maybe it’s not specifically the content in this case. You remember when “Tetris” came out, and you thought the world was obsessed with multicolored blocks in various shapes.
AfroJoe= A minor miscalculation on my part, and I need not remind you of the disco ball which drains the coolness of everyone who dances under one. Shapes are evil to this day! Anyway, this Grad Theft Auto mystery is in need of a clear-cut research trip!
Aliboy= Would it be too late to put in a vote that we do NOT embark on a spree of criminal violence just for research!
AfroJoe= Oh, of course not, Aliboy, we learned our lesson about game-to-life coping with “Frogger”……darn those dumb truckers!
Aliboy= So no matter what I say, you will make me go.
AfroJoe= You got it big boy!
“AfroJoe picks up the phone and starts to dial a number”
AfroJoe= Now, let me just call my officer friend to arrange a meeting for tonight. He knows lots about many things.
“AfroJoe told Officer Carl to meet and tell him everything he knew about organized crime operations”
Scene 2*
“In the back-alley of the “Smell Me Up Good” perfume shop at 11:00pm”
Aliboy= Are you sure this is the place Officer Carl insisted meeting us in because immediately this does not strike me as an upscale, open air eatery your friend described.
AfroJoe= This is the address… They probably just haven’t set up for the day. Or… Um… cleared out for the previous day’s rat and roach population.
“A parade of pests march by the two while they stand in the smelly dark back alley”
“AfroJoe begins to pace around while thinking”
AfroJoe= Still you couldn’t find a better place to discuss the workings of the criminal element. I mean, this alley is just the sort of place you’d expect to run across a dead body or….
“SQUISH”
“AfroJoe and Aliboy look down just to see a blood drenched dead body that seemed to be beaten with a bat many times”
“Aliboy and AfroJoe look up and gaze into each others eyes blankly”
AfroJoe= Aliboy, what do you suppose the odds are that I’ve done something remarkably stupid?
Aliboy= Besides stepping in an obvious pile of dead guy, you mean?
Voice= Hands in the air!
“They both put their arms up and turn around to see that it was none other than Officer Carl with guns in his hands”
AfroJoe= O-Officer Carl?! W-What are you doing with those guns?
Officer Carl= Well, the plan is to shoot you both.
AfroJoe= Oh, actually, I’d sort of guessed that, so it was sort of a rhetorical question….What I meant was “Would You Mind NOT Shooting Us?!”
Aliboy= Yes, I second that! Good idea!
Officer Carl= Sorry fellas, I’d like to, but that’d leave too many loose ends. Just close your eyes and think of Christmas.
“They both close their eyes while shivering madly”
“BAM”
Officer Carl= Now, how do you suppose…….that happened?
“Officer Carl looks down at the gun shot wound to his heart and falls on the floor. As soon as he reached the ground a man in a brown trench coat with a gun stood in the distance. The stranger then looks down at the officers body”
Frankie= All right, come on then , fellows, let’s have a hand here!
AfroJoe= S-Santa Claus…..C-Candy Canes….
Aliboy= AfroJoe, open your eyes! We’re alive!
Frankie= For the moment so do take advantage of it and help me with the body. Bodies don’t put themselves in trunks you knowz. Not nearly often enough anyway…
“The stranger starts to grab dead Officer Carl’s feet”
Aliboy= Um, not to take away from our gratitude in the current situation, friend, but who are you?
Frankie= You could call me Frankie I wouldn’t worry about trying to get real familiar just now, as I still haven’t decided whether or not to kill ya.
Aliboy= How disappointing, but I follow your logic. You’re a hired thug then right?
Frankie= I prefer to be called “Secret Operations Engineer”. Grab his arms, would ya?
“Aliboy grasps the dead body by the arms”
Frankie= Your friend here, he was planning on framing you two for his botched drug deal. Post-humorously of course……he ain’t a real cop.
Aliboy= Ah yes, I knew there was something weird about him.
Frankie= You two weren’t in on the deal I take it?
AfroJoe= Ah no sir, we in fact, we are nameless drifters with extremely unreliable short-term memory, if that helps.
Frankie= Not especially. Why were you two out here? Bit late, dark and smelly for a midnight stroll, isn’t it?
AfroJoe= Ah well, odd though it may seem we’re on a sort of fact-finding mission for a crime-themed video game.
Aliboy= Hey um…….This guy is sort of getting dead guy stuff on me, is there any way to avoid that?
Frankie= Yeah, you arrive early and grab the clean end before anybody else for they can be stuck with the squishy parts, all right. Into the trunk he goes.
“Frankie and Aliboy shove him in AfroJoe’s car that they used to get there with”
AfroJoe= Hey! Wait! Why are you using our trunk?!
Frankie= Cause, I came in a cab if you must know. Crikey, look at the junk in this trunk! What did you do, mug a corner store.
Aliboy= In truth, up until this moment, we had considered the probability of carting dead evildoers around in our car’s very low, and allotted trunk space.
Frankie= Well, no harm done, he fits easily enough. Now, wait here a second, I have a call to make.
“Frankie walks off and gets on his mobile phone. Aliboy and AfroJoe wait patiently while whistling a tune. After a while Frankie returns”
Frankie= Okay, I’m back. The boss says I don’t have to kill youz guys yet.
“Aliboy and AfroJoe look at him fearfully”
Frfrankie= What?!
AfroJoe= If we would of known that was what you were calling about, we would have snuck away!
Frankie= Most of ‘em do. Took me four tries before I figured out not to say anything. Now lets go.
Aliboy= Go? Go where?
Frankie= First on our list we have to stop by my good pal Tiltawhirl’s house. He could help us with the guy in the trunk.
Scene3*
*At the doorway of Tiltawhirl’s apartment*
“Tiltawhirl’s house was low on glamour and full of decaying roaches and bacteria. It was like Hell’s kitchen, and one-bedroom whacked madly with an ugly stick forty to fifty times”
Tiltawhirl= Frankie! My old pal it’s been a long time. Come in. Come in.
“AfroJoe takes one look inside”
AfroJoe= Must we…
Tiltawhirl= Please, make yourselves at home! Take a seat.
“Aliboy looks at his furniture”
Aliboy= I think it’s been occupied by the roaches all ready…
Tiltawhirl= So Frankie…what brings you here tonight and who are you’re two friends?
AfroJoe= Well, my name is AfroJoe and that’s Aliboy.
“Frankie begins to take something out of nowhere”
Frankie= And this…..is my bat.
“Frankie begins to viciously beat away on Tiltawhirl”
“CRACK”
“SNAP”
“BASH”
“KILL”
“Blood slashes over everyone”
AfroJoe= Is this a way you greet all your friends?
Aliboy= I thought you said he was going to help out with the guy in the trunk.
Frankie= And I thought you said you had short-term memory. Anyway, in a matter of speaking, Tiltawhirl will be keeping him company. Tiltawhirl was Carl’s accomplice. They were going to take the drug money and skip town.
Aliboy= You have weird friends Frankie…
Frankie= Hush you. Next stop we’re going to make is at The Twins’. They’re a pair of stunningly beautiful sisters….
AfroJoe= Hot dog!!!
Frankie= ……who are criminal psychopaths.
AfroJoe= Hey they are girls, big surprise. You’re not going to kill them, right?
Frankie= If I would tell you where would the suspense be? Now grab his arms and mind the squishy parts and head to the trunk.
Aliboy= Ick…
Scene4*
*At the twins apartment*
“When the three got there on the scene, they found that the twins were all Frankie had described and more……they were dead!”
Aliboy= This does take them down a notch or two on the Attractive-O-Meter.
Frankie= Hmm.
Aliboy= You seemed troubled Frankie!
Frankie= I rather am! Unlike those last two, the twins were not small timers, and I wasn’t sent to kill them.
Aliboy= It doesn’t look like there was much of a struggle to kill these girls.
Frankie= Yeah, that’s what has me troubled. Why was I sent by my boss to take care of two small- timers when The Twins are being killed by a master assassin?
Aliboy= You tell me, YOU’RE the homicidal sociopath for hire.
Frankie= Okay fellows, next stop is the boss’s place. I have a call to make.
Aliboy= I hope he is nice.
Frankie= Actually, my guess is that the boss is already dead. So there is really no purpose of going to him. There’s only one assassin in our organization brutal enough to have done this…Grix…..Grix Thraves is his name. He’s a manic, but a darned skilled one…He lives to kill women, children, it doesn’t matter to him. He is as evil as they come!!! He has cold hard eyes and a hallow emotionless voice. He’s seven feet tall and when he talks, fire comes out of his nostrils.
Aliboy=….Really….
Frankie= Ah well maybe not that last part……..Anyway, we’re going to need some help on this one. The guy I’m calling is the best.
*Shortly after*
“KNOCKY KNOCK KNOCKY”
Aliboy= That’s your best specialist’s knock?
Frankie= Yep, that’s him. Open the door.
“Aliboy opens the door and looks down. There stood his little 6year old brother Billy with a cigar in his mouth and dark sunglasses”
Billy=!
Aliboy= Guess how much I don’t want to hear the explanation for this!
Billy= Oh sure, like you’ve never had a drive-by before….
Frankie= Gentlemen, we have a schedule to keep! Pick up as many weapons as you can carry, and take our two charming twins on the floor to the trunk.
Aliboy= I call the clean end!
Frankie= You learn fast! Unfortunately, you still must take the messy parts, or I shoot you.
Aliboy= Darn!
Scene5*
*In AfroJoe’s car in the ride to another back-alley*
AfroJoe= After numerous stops to the bathroom and an argument to whom had to have the spare tire on their lap due to the lack of trunk space it’s come to this. Where is this all going to end? Would I even be alive to see the next rising sun? Had I spent my last day without knowing it? Should I, in my whole life, have played less Donkey Kong?
“The car halts in a back-alley. You could see a skinny puny little man standing with guns in hand. He had a mustache in which he felt constantly”
AfroJoe= WAIT A SEC! That’s Grix! He has a mustache for crying out loud!
Frankie= But isn’t his mustache a little…….EVIL.
AfroJoe= Of course not……no wait it is kind of devilish.
Billy= He is evil I tell you.
Aliboy= Wait, I think me and AfroJoe have a camera under the front seat. Let us take a quick picture of him first.
“AfroJoe and Aliboy struggle to find the camera under the chair as Frankie and Billy run out of the car”
AfroJoe= Hey I think I found the camera. Aliboy reach from the other end because…….
“BAM”
“BOOM”
“BANG”
“Aliboy and AfroJoe look up then get out of the car to see what had gone down. They see Billy and Frankie standing on top of Grix Thraves body with rifles in their hands”
Billy= Hey, that wasn’t that hard!
Frankie= Job well done lads! Who’s up for a “cough cough” drink. That will “cough cough” make you forget your troubles.
Aliboy= Am, we’ll stay here thanks.
Frankie= Fair enough, with everyone dead I suppose there’s no reason to kill you, leastways, there’s no more room in the trunk, spacious though it is. We’re going to have to prop Grix here up in the passenger side and pretend me and Billy are carpooling.
Billy= Yep.
Frankie= When you get home report your stolen in the night it’ll be by the lakefront. Now we part ways, I would shake your hand but it appears to be well-covered in coarse yuck!
Aliboy= Err.
Frankie= Farewell!!
“Frankie and Billy drive off with a corpse leg popping out of the opening in the trunk”
AfroJoe= Well, I believe I’ve learned quite enough about the criminal underworld for an evening. Now I know the real edge of crime-based-games.
Aliboy= Agreed, next time we just rent “Scarface” from Blockbuster.
“AfroJoe and Aliboy began to walk away”
AfroJoe= Still, the night was not without it’s rewards! We have learned that violence begets violence and in the end, crime does not and cannot pay, except in pain and/or death. With these truths affirmed, it is with glad hearts and light spirits that we can welcome the glory of all new days to come!
Aliboy= Even though we’re stranded at a major crime scene with blood on our cloths, and our car both stolen and full of corpses?
AfroJoe= I meant later on. Now lets walk faster, Aliboy!
THE END
Drunk
Page:
Scene 1*
*Employees Only room in an SR office*
“AfroJoe and Aliboy are reviewing games to put them into the SR magazine while looking at sales on games in the past months”
AfroJoe= Look at these sales figures Aliboy! Grand Theft Auto 3 couldn’t have sold better if they’d hidden naked Pokemon in it! What’s their secret?!
Aliboy= Well have you played it, it’s really quite good. It’s open-ended, there is lots to do, there is an intelligent storyline and…..
AfroJoe= Nonsense! This game’s popularity obviously has everything to do with its subject at matter…. Organized Crime!
“AfroJoe gets up and begins to walk around the room while speaking”
AfroJoe= People have a taste for crime! Deep in their souls, darkness long repressed. This game is merely unlocking the doors to fantasies carried deep within the subconscious minds of the public.
Aliboy= Um, then how do you explain the tiny amount of sales from Grand Theft Auto 1 and 2?
AfroJoe= Psychic aliens or something………don’t bother me when I’m plotting.
Aliboy= AfroJoe, all I’m saying is that maybe it’s not specifically the content in this case. You remember when “Tetris” came out, and you thought the world was obsessed with multicolored blocks in various shapes.
AfroJoe= A minor miscalculation on my part, and I need not remind you of the disco ball which drains the coolness of everyone who dances under one. Shapes are evil to this day! Anyway, this Grad Theft Auto mystery is in need of a clear-cut research trip!
Aliboy= Would it be too late to put in a vote that we do NOT embark on a spree of criminal violence just for research!
AfroJoe= Oh, of course not, Aliboy, we learned our lesson about game-to-life coping with “Frogger”……darn those dumb truckers!
Aliboy= So no matter what I say, you will make me go.
AfroJoe= You got it big boy!
“AfroJoe picks up the phone and starts to dial a number”
AfroJoe= Now, let me just call my officer friend to arrange a meeting for tonight. He knows lots about many things.
“AfroJoe told Officer Carl to meet and tell him everything he knew about organized crime operations”
Scene 2*
“In the back-alley of the “Smell Me Up Good” perfume shop at 11:00pm”
Aliboy= Are you sure this is the place Officer Carl insisted meeting us in because immediately this does not strike me as an upscale, open air eatery your friend described.
AfroJoe= This is the address… They probably just haven’t set up for the day. Or… Um… cleared out for the previous day’s rat and roach population.
“A parade of pests march by the two while they stand in the smelly dark back alley”
“AfroJoe begins to pace around while thinking”
AfroJoe= Still you couldn’t find a better place to discuss the workings of the criminal element. I mean, this alley is just the sort of place you’d expect to run across a dead body or….
“SQUISH”
“AfroJoe and Aliboy look down just to see a blood drenched dead body that seemed to be beaten with a bat many times”
“Aliboy and AfroJoe look up and gaze into each others eyes blankly”
AfroJoe= Aliboy, what do you suppose the odds are that I’ve done something remarkably stupid?
Aliboy= Besides stepping in an obvious pile of dead guy, you mean?
Voice= Hands in the air!
“They both put their arms up and turn around to see that it was none other than Officer Carl with guns in his hands”
AfroJoe= O-Officer Carl?! W-What are you doing with those guns?
Officer Carl= Well, the plan is to shoot you both.
AfroJoe= Oh, actually, I’d sort of guessed that, so it was sort of a rhetorical question….What I meant was “Would You Mind NOT Shooting Us?!”
Aliboy= Yes, I second that! Good idea!
Officer Carl= Sorry fellas, I’d like to, but that’d leave too many loose ends. Just close your eyes and think of Christmas.
“They both close their eyes while shivering madly”
“BAM”
Officer Carl= Now, how do you suppose…….that happened?
“Officer Carl looks down at the gun shot wound to his heart and falls on the floor. As soon as he reached the ground a man in a brown trench coat with a gun stood in the distance. The stranger then looks down at the officers body”
Frankie= All right, come on then , fellows, let’s have a hand here!
AfroJoe= S-Santa Claus…..C-Candy Canes….
Aliboy= AfroJoe, open your eyes! We’re alive!
Frankie= For the moment so do take advantage of it and help me with the body. Bodies don’t put themselves in trunks you knowz. Not nearly often enough anyway…
“The stranger starts to grab dead Officer Carl’s feet”
Aliboy= Um, not to take away from our gratitude in the current situation, friend, but who are you?
Frankie= You could call me Frankie I wouldn’t worry about trying to get real familiar just now, as I still haven’t decided whether or not to kill ya.
Aliboy= How disappointing, but I follow your logic. You’re a hired thug then right?
Frankie= I prefer to be called “Secret Operations Engineer”. Grab his arms, would ya?
“Aliboy grasps the dead body by the arms”
Frankie= Your friend here, he was planning on framing you two for his botched drug deal. Post-humorously of course……he ain’t a real cop.
Aliboy= Ah yes, I knew there was something weird about him.
Frankie= You two weren’t in on the deal I take it?
AfroJoe= Ah no sir, we in fact, we are nameless drifters with extremely unreliable short-term memory, if that helps.
Frankie= Not especially. Why were you two out here? Bit late, dark and smelly for a midnight stroll, isn’t it?
AfroJoe= Ah well, odd though it may seem we’re on a sort of fact-finding mission for a crime-themed video game.
Aliboy= Hey um…….This guy is sort of getting dead guy stuff on me, is there any way to avoid that?
Frankie= Yeah, you arrive early and grab the clean end before anybody else for they can be stuck with the squishy parts, all right. Into the trunk he goes.
“Frankie and Aliboy shove him in AfroJoe’s car that they used to get there with”
AfroJoe= Hey! Wait! Why are you using our trunk?!
Frankie= Cause, I came in a cab if you must know. Crikey, look at the junk in this trunk! What did you do, mug a corner store.
Aliboy= In truth, up until this moment, we had considered the probability of carting dead evildoers around in our car’s very low, and allotted trunk space.
Frankie= Well, no harm done, he fits easily enough. Now, wait here a second, I have a call to make.
“Frankie walks off and gets on his mobile phone. Aliboy and AfroJoe wait patiently while whistling a tune. After a while Frankie returns”
Frankie= Okay, I’m back. The boss says I don’t have to kill youz guys yet.
“Aliboy and AfroJoe look at him fearfully”
Frfrankie= What?!
AfroJoe= If we would of known that was what you were calling about, we would have snuck away!
Frankie= Most of ‘em do. Took me four tries before I figured out not to say anything. Now lets go.
Aliboy= Go? Go where?
Frankie= First on our list we have to stop by my good pal Tiltawhirl’s house. He could help us with the guy in the trunk.
Scene3*
*At the doorway of Tiltawhirl’s apartment*
“Tiltawhirl’s house was low on glamour and full of decaying roaches and bacteria. It was like Hell’s kitchen, and one-bedroom whacked madly with an ugly stick forty to fifty times”
Tiltawhirl= Frankie! My old pal it’s been a long time. Come in. Come in.
“AfroJoe takes one look inside”
AfroJoe= Must we…
Tiltawhirl= Please, make yourselves at home! Take a seat.
“Aliboy looks at his furniture”
Aliboy= I think it’s been occupied by the roaches all ready…
Tiltawhirl= So Frankie…what brings you here tonight and who are you’re two friends?
AfroJoe= Well, my name is AfroJoe and that’s Aliboy.
“Frankie begins to take something out of nowhere”
Frankie= And this…..is my bat.
“Frankie begins to viciously beat away on Tiltawhirl”
“CRACK”
“SNAP”
“BASH”
“KILL”
“Blood slashes over everyone”
AfroJoe= Is this a way you greet all your friends?
Aliboy= I thought you said he was going to help out with the guy in the trunk.
Frankie= And I thought you said you had short-term memory. Anyway, in a matter of speaking, Tiltawhirl will be keeping him company. Tiltawhirl was Carl’s accomplice. They were going to take the drug money and skip town.
Aliboy= You have weird friends Frankie…
Frankie= Hush you. Next stop we’re going to make is at The Twins’. They’re a pair of stunningly beautiful sisters….
AfroJoe= Hot dog!!!
Frankie= ……who are criminal psychopaths.
AfroJoe= Hey they are girls, big surprise. You’re not going to kill them, right?
Frankie= If I would tell you where would the suspense be? Now grab his arms and mind the squishy parts and head to the trunk.
Aliboy= Ick…
Scene4*
*At the twins apartment*
“When the three got there on the scene, they found that the twins were all Frankie had described and more……they were dead!”
Aliboy= This does take them down a notch or two on the Attractive-O-Meter.
Frankie= Hmm.
Aliboy= You seemed troubled Frankie!
Frankie= I rather am! Unlike those last two, the twins were not small timers, and I wasn’t sent to kill them.
Aliboy= It doesn’t look like there was much of a struggle to kill these girls.
Frankie= Yeah, that’s what has me troubled. Why was I sent by my boss to take care of two small- timers when The Twins are being killed by a master assassin?
Aliboy= You tell me, YOU’RE the homicidal sociopath for hire.
Frankie= Okay fellows, next stop is the boss’s place. I have a call to make.
Aliboy= I hope he is nice.
Frankie= Actually, my guess is that the boss is already dead. So there is really no purpose of going to him. There’s only one assassin in our organization brutal enough to have done this…Grix…..Grix Thraves is his name. He’s a manic, but a darned skilled one…He lives to kill women, children, it doesn’t matter to him. He is as evil as they come!!! He has cold hard eyes and a hallow emotionless voice. He’s seven feet tall and when he talks, fire comes out of his nostrils.
Aliboy=….Really….
Frankie= Ah well maybe not that last part……..Anyway, we’re going to need some help on this one. The guy I’m calling is the best.
*Shortly after*
“KNOCKY KNOCK KNOCKY”
Aliboy= That’s your best specialist’s knock?
Frankie= Yep, that’s him. Open the door.
“Aliboy opens the door and looks down. There stood his little 6year old brother Billy with a cigar in his mouth and dark sunglasses”
Billy=!
Aliboy= Guess how much I don’t want to hear the explanation for this!
Billy= Oh sure, like you’ve never had a drive-by before….
Frankie= Gentlemen, we have a schedule to keep! Pick up as many weapons as you can carry, and take our two charming twins on the floor to the trunk.
Aliboy= I call the clean end!
Frankie= You learn fast! Unfortunately, you still must take the messy parts, or I shoot you.
Aliboy= Darn!
Scene5*
*In AfroJoe’s car in the ride to another back-alley*
AfroJoe= After numerous stops to the bathroom and an argument to whom had to have the spare tire on their lap due to the lack of trunk space it’s come to this. Where is this all going to end? Would I even be alive to see the next rising sun? Had I spent my last day without knowing it? Should I, in my whole life, have played less Donkey Kong?
“The car halts in a back-alley. You could see a skinny puny little man standing with guns in hand. He had a mustache in which he felt constantly”
AfroJoe= WAIT A SEC! That’s Grix! He has a mustache for crying out loud!
Frankie= But isn’t his mustache a little…….EVIL.
AfroJoe= Of course not……no wait it is kind of devilish.
Billy= He is evil I tell you.
Aliboy= Wait, I think me and AfroJoe have a camera under the front seat. Let us take a quick picture of him first.
“AfroJoe and Aliboy struggle to find the camera under the chair as Frankie and Billy run out of the car”
AfroJoe= Hey I think I found the camera. Aliboy reach from the other end because…….
“BAM”
“BOOM”
“BANG”
“Aliboy and AfroJoe look up then get out of the car to see what had gone down. They see Billy and Frankie standing on top of Grix Thraves body with rifles in their hands”
Billy= Hey, that wasn’t that hard!
Frankie= Job well done lads! Who’s up for a “cough cough” drink. That will “cough cough” make you forget your troubles.
Aliboy= Am, we’ll stay here thanks.
Frankie= Fair enough, with everyone dead I suppose there’s no reason to kill you, leastways, there’s no more room in the trunk, spacious though it is. We’re going to have to prop Grix here up in the passenger side and pretend me and Billy are carpooling.
Billy= Yep.
Frankie= When you get home report your stolen in the night it’ll be by the lakefront. Now we part ways, I would shake your hand but it appears to be well-covered in coarse yuck!
Aliboy= Err.
Frankie= Farewell!!
“Frankie and Billy drive off with a corpse leg popping out of the opening in the trunk”
AfroJoe= Well, I believe I’ve learned quite enough about the criminal underworld for an evening. Now I know the real edge of crime-based-games.
Aliboy= Agreed, next time we just rent “Scarface” from Blockbuster.
“AfroJoe and Aliboy began to walk away”
AfroJoe= Still, the night was not without it’s rewards! We have learned that violence begets violence and in the end, crime does not and cannot pay, except in pain and/or death. With these truths affirmed, it is with glad hearts and light spirits that we can welcome the glory of all new days to come!
Aliboy= Even though we’re stranded at a major crime scene with blood on our cloths, and our car both stolen and full of corpses?
AfroJoe= I meant later on. Now lets walk faster, Aliboy!
THE END
Drunk
*Employees Only room in an SR office*
“AfroJoe and Aliboy are reviewing games to put them into the SR magazine while looking at sales on games in the past months”
AfroJoe= Look at these sales figures Aliboy! Grand Theft Auto 3 couldn’t have sold better if they’d hidden naked Pokemon in it! What’s their secret?!
Aliboy= Well have you played it, it’s really quite good. It’s open-ended, there is lots to do, there is an intelligent storyline and…..
AfroJoe= Nonsense! This game’s popularity obviously has everything to do with its subject at matter…. Organized Crime!
“AfroJoe gets up and begins to walk around the room while speaking”
AfroJoe= People have a taste for crime! Deep in their souls, darkness long repressed. This game is merely unlocking the doors to fantasies carried deep within the subconscious minds of the public.
Aliboy= Um, then how do you explain the tiny amount of sales from Grand Theft Auto 1 and 2?
AfroJoe= Psychic aliens or something………don’t bother me when I’m plotting.
Aliboy= AfroJoe, all I’m saying is that maybe it’s not specifically the content in this case. You remember when “Tetris” came out, and you thought the world was obsessed with multicolored blocks in various shapes.
AfroJoe= A minor miscalculation on my part, and I need not remind you of the disco ball which drains the coolness of everyone who dances under one. Shapes are evil to this day! Anyway, this Grad Theft Auto mystery is in need of a clear-cut research trip!
Aliboy= Would it be too late to put in a vote that we do NOT embark on a spree of criminal violence just for research!
AfroJoe= Oh, of course not, Aliboy, we learned our lesson about game-to-life coping with “Frogger”……darn those dumb truckers!
Aliboy= So no matter what I say, you will make me go.
AfroJoe= You got it big boy!
“AfroJoe picks up the phone and starts to dial a number”
AfroJoe= Now, let me just call my officer friend to arrange a meeting for tonight. He knows lots about many things.
“AfroJoe told Officer Carl to meet and tell him everything he knew about organized crime operations”
Scene 2*
“In the back-alley of the “Smell Me Up Good” perfume shop at 11:00pm”
Aliboy= Are you sure this is the place Officer Carl insisted meeting us in because immediately this does not strike me as an upscale, open air eatery your friend described.
AfroJoe= This is the address… They probably just haven’t set up for the day. Or… Um… cleared out for the previous day’s rat and roach population.
“A parade of pests march by the two while they stand in the smelly dark back alley”
“AfroJoe begins to pace around while thinking”
AfroJoe= Still you couldn’t find a better place to discuss the workings of the criminal element. I mean, this alley is just the sort of place you’d expect to run across a dead body or….
“SQUISH”
“AfroJoe and Aliboy look down just to see a blood drenched dead body that seemed to be beaten with a bat many times”
“Aliboy and AfroJoe look up and gaze into each others eyes blankly”
AfroJoe= Aliboy, what do you suppose the odds are that I’ve done something remarkably stupid?
Aliboy= Besides stepping in an obvious pile of dead guy, you mean?
Voice= Hands in the air!
“They both put their arms up and turn around to see that it was none other than Officer Carl with guns in his hands”
AfroJoe= O-Officer Carl?! W-What are you doing with those guns?
Officer Carl= Well, the plan is to shoot you both.
AfroJoe= Oh, actually, I’d sort of guessed that, so it was sort of a rhetorical question….What I meant was “Would You Mind NOT Shooting Us?!”
Aliboy= Yes, I second that! Good idea!
Officer Carl= Sorry fellas, I’d like to, but that’d leave too many loose ends. Just close your eyes and think of Christmas.
“They both close their eyes while shivering madly”
“BAM”
Officer Carl= Now, how do you suppose…….that happened?
“Officer Carl looks down at the gun shot wound to his heart and falls on the floor. As soon as he reached the ground a man in a brown trench coat with a gun stood in the distance. The stranger then looks down at the officers body”
Frankie= All right, come on then , fellows, let’s have a hand here!
AfroJoe= S-Santa Claus…..C-Candy Canes….
Aliboy= AfroJoe, open your eyes! We’re alive!
Frankie= For the moment so do take advantage of it and help me with the body. Bodies don’t put themselves in trunks you knowz. Not nearly often enough anyway…
“The stranger starts to grab dead Officer Carl’s feet”
Aliboy= Um, not to take away from our gratitude in the current situation, friend, but who are you?
Frankie= You could call me Frankie I wouldn’t worry about trying to get real familiar just now, as I still haven’t decided whether or not to kill ya.
Aliboy= How disappointing, but I follow your logic. You’re a hired thug then right?
Frankie= I prefer to be called “Secret Operations Engineer”. Grab his arms, would ya?
“Aliboy grasps the dead body by the arms”
Frankie= Your friend here, he was planning on framing you two for his botched drug deal. Post-humorously of course……he ain’t a real cop.
Aliboy= Ah yes, I knew there was something weird about him.
Frankie= You two weren’t in on the deal I take it?
AfroJoe= Ah no sir, we in fact, we are nameless drifters with extremely unreliable short-term memory, if that helps.
Frankie= Not especially. Why were you two out here? Bit late, dark and smelly for a midnight stroll, isn’t it?
AfroJoe= Ah well, odd though it may seem we’re on a sort of fact-finding mission for a crime-themed video game.
Aliboy= Hey um…….This guy is sort of getting dead guy stuff on me, is there any way to avoid that?
Frankie= Yeah, you arrive early and grab the clean end before anybody else for they can be stuck with the squishy parts, all right. Into the trunk he goes.
“Frankie and Aliboy shove him in AfroJoe’s car that they used to get there with”
AfroJoe= Hey! Wait! Why are you using our trunk?!
Frankie= Cause, I came in a cab if you must know. Crikey, look at the junk in this trunk! What did you do, mug a corner store.
Aliboy= In truth, up until this moment, we had considered the probability of carting dead evildoers around in our car’s very low, and allotted trunk space.
Frankie= Well, no harm done, he fits easily enough. Now, wait here a second, I have a call to make.
“Frankie walks off and gets on his mobile phone. Aliboy and AfroJoe wait patiently while whistling a tune. After a while Frankie returns”
Frankie= Okay, I’m back. The boss says I don’t have to kill youz guys yet.
“Aliboy and AfroJoe look at him fearfully”
Frfrankie= What?!
AfroJoe= If we would of known that was what you were calling about, we would have snuck away!
Frankie= Most of ‘em do. Took me four tries before I figured out not to say anything. Now lets go.
Aliboy= Go? Go where?
Frankie= First on our list we have to stop by my good pal Tiltawhirl’s house. He could help us with the guy in the trunk.
Scene3*
*At the doorway of Tiltawhirl’s apartment*
“Tiltawhirl’s house was low on glamour and full of decaying roaches and bacteria. It was like Hell’s kitchen, and one-bedroom whacked madly with an ugly stick forty to fifty times”
Tiltawhirl= Frankie! My old pal it’s been a long time. Come in. Come in.
“AfroJoe takes one look inside”
AfroJoe= Must we…
Tiltawhirl= Please, make yourselves at home! Take a seat.
“Aliboy looks at his furniture”
Aliboy= I think it’s been occupied by the roaches all ready…
Tiltawhirl= So Frankie…what brings you here tonight and who are you’re two friends?
AfroJoe= Well, my name is AfroJoe and that’s Aliboy.
“Frankie begins to take something out of nowhere”
Frankie= And this…..is my bat.
“Frankie begins to viciously beat away on Tiltawhirl”
“CRACK”
“SNAP”
“BASH”
“KILL”
“Blood slashes over everyone”
AfroJoe= Is this a way you greet all your friends?
Aliboy= I thought you said he was going to help out with the guy in the trunk.
Frankie= And I thought you said you had short-term memory. Anyway, in a matter of speaking, Tiltawhirl will be keeping him company. Tiltawhirl was Carl’s accomplice. They were going to take the drug money and skip town.
Aliboy= You have weird friends Frankie…
Frankie= Hush you. Next stop we’re going to make is at The Twins’. They’re a pair of stunningly beautiful sisters….
AfroJoe= Hot dog!!!
Frankie= ……who are criminal psychopaths.
AfroJoe= Hey they are girls, big surprise. You’re not going to kill them, right?
Frankie= If I would tell you where would the suspense be? Now grab his arms and mind the squishy parts and head to the trunk.
Aliboy= Ick…
Scene4*
*At the twins apartment*
“When the three got there on the scene, they found that the twins were all Frankie had described and more……they were dead!”
Aliboy= This does take them down a notch or two on the Attractive-O-Meter.
Frankie= Hmm.
Aliboy= You seemed troubled Frankie!
Frankie= I rather am! Unlike those last two, the twins were not small timers, and I wasn’t sent to kill them.
Aliboy= It doesn’t look like there was much of a struggle to kill these girls.
Frankie= Yeah, that’s what has me troubled. Why was I sent by my boss to take care of two small- timers when The Twins are being killed by a master assassin?
Aliboy= You tell me, YOU’RE the homicidal sociopath for hire.
Frankie= Okay fellows, next stop is the boss’s place. I have a call to make.
Aliboy= I hope he is nice.
Frankie= Actually, my guess is that the boss is already dead. So there is really no purpose of going to him. There’s only one assassin in our organization brutal enough to have done this…Grix…..Grix Thraves is his name. He’s a manic, but a darned skilled one…He lives to kill women, children, it doesn’t matter to him. He is as evil as they come!!! He has cold hard eyes and a hallow emotionless voice. He’s seven feet tall and when he talks, fire comes out of his nostrils.
Aliboy=….Really….
Frankie= Ah well maybe not that last part……..Anyway, we’re going to need some help on this one. The guy I’m calling is the best.
*Shortly after*
“KNOCKY KNOCK KNOCKY”
Aliboy= That’s your best specialist’s knock?
Frankie= Yep, that’s him. Open the door.
“Aliboy opens the door and looks down. There stood his little 6year old brother Billy with a cigar in his mouth and dark sunglasses”
Billy=!
Aliboy= Guess how much I don’t want to hear the explanation for this!
Billy= Oh sure, like you’ve never had a drive-by before….
Frankie= Gentlemen, we have a schedule to keep! Pick up as many weapons as you can carry, and take our two charming twins on the floor to the trunk.
Aliboy= I call the clean end!
Frankie= You learn fast! Unfortunately, you still must take the messy parts, or I shoot you.
Aliboy= Darn!
Scene5*
*In AfroJoe’s car in the ride to another back-alley*
AfroJoe= After numerous stops to the bathroom and an argument to whom had to have the spare tire on their lap due to the lack of trunk space it’s come to this. Where is this all going to end? Would I even be alive to see the next rising sun? Had I spent my last day without knowing it? Should I, in my whole life, have played less Donkey Kong?
“The car halts in a back-alley. You could see a skinny puny little man standing with guns in hand. He had a mustache in which he felt constantly”
AfroJoe= WAIT A SEC! That’s Grix! He has a mustache for crying out loud!
Frankie= But isn’t his mustache a little…….EVIL.
AfroJoe= Of course not……no wait it is kind of devilish.
Billy= He is evil I tell you.
Aliboy= Wait, I think me and AfroJoe have a camera under the front seat. Let us take a quick picture of him first.
“AfroJoe and Aliboy struggle to find the camera under the chair as Frankie and Billy run out of the car”
AfroJoe= Hey I think I found the camera. Aliboy reach from the other end because…….
“BAM”
“BOOM”
“BANG”
“Aliboy and AfroJoe look up then get out of the car to see what had gone down. They see Billy and Frankie standing on top of Grix Thraves body with rifles in their hands”
Billy= Hey, that wasn’t that hard!
Frankie= Job well done lads! Who’s up for a “cough cough” drink. That will “cough cough” make you forget your troubles.
Aliboy= Am, we’ll stay here thanks.
Frankie= Fair enough, with everyone dead I suppose there’s no reason to kill you, leastways, there’s no more room in the trunk, spacious though it is. We’re going to have to prop Grix here up in the passenger side and pretend me and Billy are carpooling.
Billy= Yep.
Frankie= When you get home report your stolen in the night it’ll be by the lakefront. Now we part ways, I would shake your hand but it appears to be well-covered in coarse yuck!
Aliboy= Err.
Frankie= Farewell!!
“Frankie and Billy drive off with a corpse leg popping out of the opening in the trunk”
AfroJoe= Well, I believe I’ve learned quite enough about the criminal underworld for an evening. Now I know the real edge of crime-based-games.
Aliboy= Agreed, next time we just rent “Scarface” from Blockbuster.
“AfroJoe and Aliboy began to walk away”
AfroJoe= Still, the night was not without it’s rewards! We have learned that violence begets violence and in the end, crime does not and cannot pay, except in pain and/or death. With these truths affirmed, it is with glad hearts and light spirits that we can welcome the glory of all new days to come!
Aliboy= Even though we’re stranded at a major crime scene with blood on our cloths, and our car both stolen and full of corpses?
AfroJoe= I meant later on. Now lets walk faster, Aliboy!
THE END
Drunk
Don't normally read these things because they don't hold me, but I enjoyed that. :0) Cool.
Reminded me of Sam and Max.
Reminded me of Sam and Max.
I don't read them much either but I can't ignore it if I am in it.
Nice one.
:-)
Nice one.
:-)
Nice one, I'd have kept it for the Spoof Off if I was you
Smell me up good
yes
yes
maddmun wrote:
> Nice one, I'd have kept it for the Spoof Off if I was you
Trust me I have plenty of ideas left.:)
> Nice one, I'd have kept it for the Spoof Off if I was you
Trust me I have plenty of ideas left.:)
Thanks for the good comments guys, and hehe, Whitestripes Smell me Up Good isn't a real american store I just wanted something blatantly pathetic.:-D
Again, if all the stories written like plays were this good, I might read a few more.
Interesting to spot the differences with the Anglo/American references too: e.g. Candy Canes. hehe.
Should win GAD by my reckoning.
Interesting to spot the differences with the Anglo/American references too: e.g. Candy Canes. hehe.
Should win GAD by my reckoning.
A funny and well written spoof. Well done!
What a brilliant post Drunk Cow.
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