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It's some old drafts of the script my year 12 drama class wrote last year for our group project. I typed it up, and because I worked at home and at school, I had to keep emailing it to myself so I didn't have to stick it on disc
We had to perform this and get graded on our acting ability (if any)
It's not in order, but be warned...
It's utter rubbish!
Max + Steve, gym scene (add cuts later)
Steve is on the floor, doing push ups, Max enters, and walks across
Max – Did you do her, then?
Steve – (gets up, sits down, starts lifting weights) Oh I did, her two mates weren’t bad either!
Max – I don’t know, some blokes get all the luck…
Steve – Well, it doesn’t come naturally, you’ve got to work at it… So what did you do last night, then?
Max – I hit the town with Kelly, we went to that new club.
Steve – What, the Millennium Club?
Max – Yeah.
*Break*
Steve – Hoo, the Millennium Club… bit down market for you, isn’t it?
Max – Kelly’s choice, not mine. It’s not that bad actually, some tasty barmaids on display.
Steve gets up and starts stretching
Steve – That’s what I’m talking about, get any numbers?
Max – With Kelly watching my every move? No way! (pause) I am bloody knackered…
Steve – Oh aye, take it you didn’t get much sleep last night, eh, Casanova?
Max – Do you need to ask?
*Break*
Steve – Anyway, enough of your sex life, any news on the Johnson deal, yet?
Max – Yeah, it’s moving along nicely, nearly there, I think. Just a case of dotting the Is and crossing the Ts.
Steve – (stops stretching) Yeah… we’ll be millionaires by the time we’re fifty.
Max – Seen much of your kid, lately?
Steve – No way, as I’ve said before, I don’t even know if it’s mine, he sure doesn’t look like me! I pay the child support every month, what more does Jayne want? Mind you, I took your advice, and pretty soon I won’t even have to pay that, my solicitor is working on it right now. Then I can just dump him with my sister and forget about him, little brat.
Max – Too right, kids are more trouble than they’re worth. I’m never having children, never! I always knew you were too good for Jayne! What’s the old ice maiden up to these days?
Steve – Apart from b***hing at me? (laughs) I don’t know and I don’t care! Anyway, I’ve had enough, I’m off for a shower.
Max – Yeah, you never could take the pace, that’s your problem, mate, no stamina.
Steve – Aye, aye, at least I’m not forty next week!
Steve starts walking off, and Kelly enters
Steve – Alright, doll face?
Kelly – Fine, thanks, Steve. You’re looking well today.
Steve leaves
Max – Hi, sexy, you’re looking lovely as ever.
Kelly – Ooh, giving me complements, eh? Keep it up.
*Break*
Kelly – So what time are you picking me up tonight?
Max stops and gets up, looking nervous
Max – Erm, actually, I can’t make it tonight, didn’t I tell you?
Kelly – No you bloody well didn’t! What’s so important that you can cancel a date with me?
Max – Well, it’s Danni, I think she’s getting suspicious. So I’ll give it a miss tonight, it’s for the best.
Kelly – I don’t believe it, you’d rather spend time with that b**ch than me! Well if that’s the way you want it, I’m off!
Max – But you’ve still got work to do, you can’t just leave!
Kelly – Oh yes I can, see you tomorrow, Max. Enjoy your night, I know I will.
Kelly starts walking off, Max chases her
Max – Kelly? Kelly, wait! Aw, sh**!
Kelly and Max leave
Here's another monstrosity
Steve and Jayne
Steve and Jayne enter from opposite sides, Steve playing with his phone, Jayne with a letter in her hand
Jayne – So you finally made it, then, eh? (holds up letter) What’s this?
Steve – Hello, Jayne (smiles falsely)
Jayne – Did you really think I wouldn’t notice, did you honestly think I would just sign it? I know I might’ve done some pretty stupid things in my life, but… I mean you didn’t even spell my name right! Jayne is spelt with a Y, Steve, remember? Steve… Steve, are you even listening to me?
Steve – (looks up) Bit difficult not to.
Jayne – But I’m not completely mad… wanting shared access of Ben, just so you can get out of having to pay maintenance. Two words, Steve - stingy b*****d.
Steve – Language, Jayne, language… So is this why you asked me here, so you can b**ch to me about the spelling of your name?
Jayne – You’re pathetic, he’s your own bloody flesh and blood, not some portfolio you can buy and sell!
Steve – You see that’s just it, I don’t even know if he is my own flesh and blood, I wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t. Any man on our street could be his father!
Jayne – (staring Steve right in the eye) I’ve told you before, and I’ll say it again, Ben is not negotiable! So you can go whistle for custody.
Jayne rips up the letter, and lets it fall to the floor, Steve looks down at it, then back at Jayne
Steve – What’s the matter, Jayne, motherhood not as easy as it used to be? God, look at you, you’re not half the woman you once were, that’s why I think you should let me help look after Ben, to ease the pressure off you. (Steve looks at his watch) When’s his next hospital appointment?
Steve sits down and puts his phone away
Jayne – Listen, I don’t have time to play mind games with you, I’m meeting Danni, so I suggest you go back to your £200 an hour solicitor and re-think your game plan.
Steve – You know you can’t win, Jayne, if this goes to the courts, I have a much stronger case.
Jayne – You don’t even care about Ben! You’re just doing this to spite me!
Steve – Maybe, but the court isn’t going to know that, are they?
Jayne – God, you’re unbelievable… (begins to leave)
Steve – (pointing to the letter on the floor) By the way, Jayne, £200 fine, we wouldn’t want to see you get into trouble, would we?
Jayne leaves
And some more
Max + Steve – Party Interlude
Max is facing the wall, drinking scotch, Steve walks up, looking worried
Max – (still facing the wall) Enjoying the party, Steve?
Steve – Er, yeah… Listen, Max, this is serious, that Johnson deal was supposed to tide us over for the rest of the financial year. We had everything riding on that deal, and without it-
Max – (interrupting) Steve, I don’t want to have this conversation, not here, not now. It’s my birthday for God’s sake, all this stuff can wait.
Steve pulls Max around to face him
Steve – Max, listen to me, please! Our investors are calling in their loans, our stock has fallen to nothing… We’re ruined!
Max takes some pills out of a bottle and swallows them down with scotch, Steve looks on
Steve – That’s your answer for everything, isn’t it? Well it’s not gonna help you this time! Max, how do you expect me to sort this lot out if you’re never in the office? Max? Max, it’s game over! We’re finished!
Max turns away and starts drinking again, ignoring Steve
Steve – Max? Max, what are we gonna do?
Max – Do what you want, I don’t care anymore!
This was the opening scene
Max, Kelly + Steve
Steve walks in, dialling a number on his phone, he lets it ring a bit
Steve – Come on, you randy get, pick up… Where are you? (tuts) Let me guess! Put her down and pick up the phone! Come on, I know you’re there…
Kelly answers
Kelly – Hello, Max’s phone.
Steve – Kelly? Hello, darling, do us a favour and go and get lover boy out of his bed.
Kelly – Hi, Steve, OK, just a minute (calls off) Max!
Max – (offstage) Coming.
Kelly – So how are you doing, Steve?
Steve – I’m OK, but I see you’ve been keeping Max busy, I knew there had to be some reason why he wasn’t answering. So what’d you get up to?
Kelly – Oh come on, Steve, please tell me you’re not that sad to want to know all the gory details… But, I suppose if that’s how you get your kicks…
Steve – Hey, you should know me better than that, I’ve got a girl in every corner! So is Max ready or what?
Kelly – Er, he’s still in the shower, he’ll be along any minute… Oh, he’s coming about especially for you.
Steve – There’s a mate, leaving a hot shower, not to mention a beautiful woman, just to talk to me.
Kelly – Oh give up, Steve!
Max enters in a bathrobe, Kelly passes him the phone
Max – (irritable) What is it, Steve, this had better be important!
Steve – Well, it’s a bit of bad news…
Max – Well? Come one, spit it out, I haven’t got all day!
Steve – It’s the shares, they’re, erm…
Max – Come on, man, Steve, what’s wrong?
Steve – (sighs) There’s been a slump in the share prices, I’ve had our reps in Singapore on the phone all morning! They’ve “requested” an urgent meeting, they want to know when you get back.
Max – Aw sh**, I don’t believe it! Right, set a meeting for five, I want everyone there. We’ll show these bloody rice pickers who’s in charge! Tell Marcus to set up the video link, I’ll be along in a bit. I’ve got some other, er, stuff, to do first…
Steve – Oh aye?
Max – Steve, please, this is not the time for funny beggars.
Steve – Er, Max? There was one other thing…
Max – What now?
Steve – I’ve had your wife on the phone all morning too, she’s rang nearly a dozen bloody times! She keeps asking for the number of the hotel she thinks you’re staying at.
Max – Oh for God’s sake, perfect timing… I’ll take care of her, whingey cow, probably just after some money or something… Right, I’d better go Stevie boy, and hey, don’t worry, I’ll sort this mess out.
Steve – OK, I’ll see you at five then, bye.
Both hang up. Kelly comes up behind Max, and puts her arms around him
Kelly – Come one, gorgeous, you look like you need relaxing.
Max – (pushes her away) Not now, eh, Kelly. What’s wrong with everyone? Can I not just be left alone?
Kelly – You weren’t like this five minutes ago.
Max – Leave off, Kelly, I’ve got to phone Danni.
Kelly – That’s right, she always comes first!
Kelly storms off, Max picks up his phone and dials, it rings and Danni answers
Danni – (worried) Hello?
Max – Hi, Danni…
Danni – (interrupting) Max! Where the bloody hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick!
Max – Just got back, I’m at the airport, the plane was delayed…
Danni – You could of at least phoned.
Max – The Johnson’s have been phoning constantly, I’ve, er, been really busy.
Danni – I would have appreciated a phone call…
Max – And I would have appreciated the plane being on time.
Danni – I miss you. (pause) I haven’t seen you all week, are you coming home now?
Max – I can’t, I’m really busy with the deal, I have to go straight to the office.
Danni – But I miss you.
Max – I know, but I’m really busy and I’m meeting Steve to go to the office gym after work… You go shopping, treat yourself to something nice, just put it on the card.
Danni – Max, I’ve already got plenty of nice things!
Max – (about to hang up) OK, I’d better go.
Danni – Max! I love you…
Max – I know you do, bye.
Max hangs up
Yet more horror
Danni + Max, house
Danni is lighting candles on the table, Max enters, and sits down, taking his coat off
Max – (looking around) What’s all this?
Danni – Well, I thought I’d surprise you by cooking a meal, we haven’t talked properly in ages, so I thought it’d be nice if we could spend the night together.
Max – (irritable) Oh you pick your times, don’t you, woman? You should’ve asked, I’ve already made arrangements, Steve’s coming round.
Danni – Max, I shouldn’t have to ask!
Max – Come on, Danni, you know I live a busy life! You can’t just assume I’m gonna be there for you all the time!
Danni – But that’s the problem, you never are there! When was the last time we sat down and talked for longer than five minutes?
Max – It’s all about getting your priorities right, I’ve got to spend as much time as possible down at the office, I can’t just waste time eating “special” meals with you!
Danni – (blows out candles) Well I just thought it’d be nice…
Max – Aw you’re not in a strop are you? I haven’t got time for this!
Danni – You never have time for anything except work… You haven’t even got time for this family!
Max – Family? I’d hardly call me and you a “family”!
Danni – That was the whole point of this meal, Max…
Max – What?
Danni – (pause) I’m pregnant, we’re going to have a baby…
Max – No, Danni, that’s what you want, not what you are!
Danni – (hands him a letter) Here’s the proof!
Steve knocks on door
Danni – That’ll be Steve, you’d better get your priorities right.
Danni walks off, Steve comes in
Steve – Alright, mate? Ready to do some business?
Max and Steve sit down, Steve unpacks some papers onto the table
Steve – There’s been a fall in the Asian market…
Max – (ignoring him) I can’t believe she’s done this! Stupid b***h!
Steve – Do you hear me?
Max – What the hell is she playing at?
Steve – Max, seriously, we’re in deep this time, if you were in the office more…
Max – (explodes) Shut the hell up, man, Steve! I’m trying to think here!
Max gets up and paces back and forth
Steve – Eh? What you talking about?
Max – It’s Danni, she’s gone and got herself up the duff, hasn’t she? Stupid cow.
Steve – (worried) What, you mean she’s cheating on you? Who’s the father, then, do we know him?
Max – Steve, man, it’s mine!
Steve – Oh… So how did that happen, then?
Max – Aw wake up, man, Steve, eh? How do you think it happened, you never heard of the birds and the bees?
Steve – Of course I know that, man, it’s just I thought you weren’t sleeping with her anymore…
Max – I’ve got to, so she doesn’t get suspicious.
Steve – What are you gonna do, then?
Max – Well she can’t keep it, that’s for sure! I can’t let her ruin my life, I mean think what this could do! It’ll wreck everything – work, Kelly, everything!
Steve – (slyly) Well… if it’s abortion you’re after, I know a few connections, cheap rates.
Max – It’s the only way… The right way! I couldn’t be a father, just look what it did to you! You’ve never been the same since Jayne had your kid.
Steve – Don’t get me started on that!
Pause
Max – So how is, erm, what’s he called again?
Steve – Ben, (tuts) Jayne’s trying to sting me for more money, but my solicitor will soon have that sorted.
Max – Nasty… Ah well, that’s not going to happen to Max Ryan, oh no! I’m gonna show her who’s boss! Give me the number, and I’ll book her in next week, then I won’t have anything to worry about… Fancy a drink?
Steve – Yeah, erm, I’ll have a scotch.
Max – I’ll get the wifey to fetch ‘em in… (shouts) Danni? Make yourself useful, pet, pour us a couple of scotches.
Danni – (offstage) OK
Steve – (looks around) So I take it you haven’t told Kelly about this little “mishap”?
Max – No way! That’s the last thing I wanna do! Kelly is the best thing I’ve got going for me right now, and I want to keep it that way.
Danni enters, carrying the two drinks, she hands them to Max and Steve
Danni – Here you go, boys, two scotches. (smiles falsely)
Max – Anyway, what were you saying before about the market?
Steve – It’s not good, just take a look at these figures…
Steve points to something on the paper, Max and Steve freeze while Maggie walks up
Maggie – I knew he never loved her
This isn't the whole script, I wish I still had it all
Basically the play was about Max cheating on his wife and then his wife being pregnant, and his life falling apart
I played Steve, I had some really bad lines
It was like an episode of Eastenders!
But, it was better than the original plan we had... urgh
We had to perform this and get graded on our acting ability (if any)
It's not in order, but be warned...
It's utter rubbish!
Max + Steve, gym scene (add cuts later)
Steve is on the floor, doing push ups, Max enters, and walks across
Max – Did you do her, then?
Steve – (gets up, sits down, starts lifting weights) Oh I did, her two mates weren’t bad either!
Max – I don’t know, some blokes get all the luck…
Steve – Well, it doesn’t come naturally, you’ve got to work at it… So what did you do last night, then?
Max – I hit the town with Kelly, we went to that new club.
Steve – What, the Millennium Club?
Max – Yeah.
*Break*
Steve – Hoo, the Millennium Club… bit down market for you, isn’t it?
Max – Kelly’s choice, not mine. It’s not that bad actually, some tasty barmaids on display.
Steve gets up and starts stretching
Steve – That’s what I’m talking about, get any numbers?
Max – With Kelly watching my every move? No way! (pause) I am bloody knackered…
Steve – Oh aye, take it you didn’t get much sleep last night, eh, Casanova?
Max – Do you need to ask?
*Break*
Steve – Anyway, enough of your sex life, any news on the Johnson deal, yet?
Max – Yeah, it’s moving along nicely, nearly there, I think. Just a case of dotting the Is and crossing the Ts.
Steve – (stops stretching) Yeah… we’ll be millionaires by the time we’re fifty.
Max – Seen much of your kid, lately?
Steve – No way, as I’ve said before, I don’t even know if it’s mine, he sure doesn’t look like me! I pay the child support every month, what more does Jayne want? Mind you, I took your advice, and pretty soon I won’t even have to pay that, my solicitor is working on it right now. Then I can just dump him with my sister and forget about him, little brat.
Max – Too right, kids are more trouble than they’re worth. I’m never having children, never! I always knew you were too good for Jayne! What’s the old ice maiden up to these days?
Steve – Apart from b***hing at me? (laughs) I don’t know and I don’t care! Anyway, I’ve had enough, I’m off for a shower.
Max – Yeah, you never could take the pace, that’s your problem, mate, no stamina.
Steve – Aye, aye, at least I’m not forty next week!
Steve starts walking off, and Kelly enters
Steve – Alright, doll face?
Kelly – Fine, thanks, Steve. You’re looking well today.
Steve leaves
Max – Hi, sexy, you’re looking lovely as ever.
Kelly – Ooh, giving me complements, eh? Keep it up.
*Break*
Kelly – So what time are you picking me up tonight?
Max stops and gets up, looking nervous
Max – Erm, actually, I can’t make it tonight, didn’t I tell you?
Kelly – No you bloody well didn’t! What’s so important that you can cancel a date with me?
Max – Well, it’s Danni, I think she’s getting suspicious. So I’ll give it a miss tonight, it’s for the best.
Kelly – I don’t believe it, you’d rather spend time with that b**ch than me! Well if that’s the way you want it, I’m off!
Max – But you’ve still got work to do, you can’t just leave!
Kelly – Oh yes I can, see you tomorrow, Max. Enjoy your night, I know I will.
Kelly starts walking off, Max chases her
Max – Kelly? Kelly, wait! Aw, sh**!
Kelly and Max leave
Here's another monstrosity
Steve and Jayne
Steve and Jayne enter from opposite sides, Steve playing with his phone, Jayne with a letter in her hand
Jayne – So you finally made it, then, eh? (holds up letter) What’s this?
Steve – Hello, Jayne (smiles falsely)
Jayne – Did you really think I wouldn’t notice, did you honestly think I would just sign it? I know I might’ve done some pretty stupid things in my life, but… I mean you didn’t even spell my name right! Jayne is spelt with a Y, Steve, remember? Steve… Steve, are you even listening to me?
Steve – (looks up) Bit difficult not to.
Jayne – But I’m not completely mad… wanting shared access of Ben, just so you can get out of having to pay maintenance. Two words, Steve - stingy b*****d.
Steve – Language, Jayne, language… So is this why you asked me here, so you can b**ch to me about the spelling of your name?
Jayne – You’re pathetic, he’s your own bloody flesh and blood, not some portfolio you can buy and sell!
Steve – You see that’s just it, I don’t even know if he is my own flesh and blood, I wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t. Any man on our street could be his father!
Jayne – (staring Steve right in the eye) I’ve told you before, and I’ll say it again, Ben is not negotiable! So you can go whistle for custody.
Jayne rips up the letter, and lets it fall to the floor, Steve looks down at it, then back at Jayne
Steve – What’s the matter, Jayne, motherhood not as easy as it used to be? God, look at you, you’re not half the woman you once were, that’s why I think you should let me help look after Ben, to ease the pressure off you. (Steve looks at his watch) When’s his next hospital appointment?
Steve sits down and puts his phone away
Jayne – Listen, I don’t have time to play mind games with you, I’m meeting Danni, so I suggest you go back to your £200 an hour solicitor and re-think your game plan.
Steve – You know you can’t win, Jayne, if this goes to the courts, I have a much stronger case.
Jayne – You don’t even care about Ben! You’re just doing this to spite me!
Steve – Maybe, but the court isn’t going to know that, are they?
Jayne – God, you’re unbelievable… (begins to leave)
Steve – (pointing to the letter on the floor) By the way, Jayne, £200 fine, we wouldn’t want to see you get into trouble, would we?
Jayne leaves
And some more
Max + Steve – Party Interlude
Max is facing the wall, drinking scotch, Steve walks up, looking worried
Max – (still facing the wall) Enjoying the party, Steve?
Steve – Er, yeah… Listen, Max, this is serious, that Johnson deal was supposed to tide us over for the rest of the financial year. We had everything riding on that deal, and without it-
Max – (interrupting) Steve, I don’t want to have this conversation, not here, not now. It’s my birthday for God’s sake, all this stuff can wait.
Steve pulls Max around to face him
Steve – Max, listen to me, please! Our investors are calling in their loans, our stock has fallen to nothing… We’re ruined!
Max takes some pills out of a bottle and swallows them down with scotch, Steve looks on
Steve – That’s your answer for everything, isn’t it? Well it’s not gonna help you this time! Max, how do you expect me to sort this lot out if you’re never in the office? Max? Max, it’s game over! We’re finished!
Max turns away and starts drinking again, ignoring Steve
Steve – Max? Max, what are we gonna do?
Max – Do what you want, I don’t care anymore!
This was the opening scene
Max, Kelly + Steve
Steve walks in, dialling a number on his phone, he lets it ring a bit
Steve – Come on, you randy get, pick up… Where are you? (tuts) Let me guess! Put her down and pick up the phone! Come on, I know you’re there…
Kelly answers
Kelly – Hello, Max’s phone.
Steve – Kelly? Hello, darling, do us a favour and go and get lover boy out of his bed.
Kelly – Hi, Steve, OK, just a minute (calls off) Max!
Max – (offstage) Coming.
Kelly – So how are you doing, Steve?
Steve – I’m OK, but I see you’ve been keeping Max busy, I knew there had to be some reason why he wasn’t answering. So what’d you get up to?
Kelly – Oh come on, Steve, please tell me you’re not that sad to want to know all the gory details… But, I suppose if that’s how you get your kicks…
Steve – Hey, you should know me better than that, I’ve got a girl in every corner! So is Max ready or what?
Kelly – Er, he’s still in the shower, he’ll be along any minute… Oh, he’s coming about especially for you.
Steve – There’s a mate, leaving a hot shower, not to mention a beautiful woman, just to talk to me.
Kelly – Oh give up, Steve!
Max enters in a bathrobe, Kelly passes him the phone
Max – (irritable) What is it, Steve, this had better be important!
Steve – Well, it’s a bit of bad news…
Max – Well? Come one, spit it out, I haven’t got all day!
Steve – It’s the shares, they’re, erm…
Max – Come on, man, Steve, what’s wrong?
Steve – (sighs) There’s been a slump in the share prices, I’ve had our reps in Singapore on the phone all morning! They’ve “requested” an urgent meeting, they want to know when you get back.
Max – Aw sh**, I don’t believe it! Right, set a meeting for five, I want everyone there. We’ll show these bloody rice pickers who’s in charge! Tell Marcus to set up the video link, I’ll be along in a bit. I’ve got some other, er, stuff, to do first…
Steve – Oh aye?
Max – Steve, please, this is not the time for funny beggars.
Steve – Er, Max? There was one other thing…
Max – What now?
Steve – I’ve had your wife on the phone all morning too, she’s rang nearly a dozen bloody times! She keeps asking for the number of the hotel she thinks you’re staying at.
Max – Oh for God’s sake, perfect timing… I’ll take care of her, whingey cow, probably just after some money or something… Right, I’d better go Stevie boy, and hey, don’t worry, I’ll sort this mess out.
Steve – OK, I’ll see you at five then, bye.
Both hang up. Kelly comes up behind Max, and puts her arms around him
Kelly – Come one, gorgeous, you look like you need relaxing.
Max – (pushes her away) Not now, eh, Kelly. What’s wrong with everyone? Can I not just be left alone?
Kelly – You weren’t like this five minutes ago.
Max – Leave off, Kelly, I’ve got to phone Danni.
Kelly – That’s right, she always comes first!
Kelly storms off, Max picks up his phone and dials, it rings and Danni answers
Danni – (worried) Hello?
Max – Hi, Danni…
Danni – (interrupting) Max! Where the bloody hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick!
Max – Just got back, I’m at the airport, the plane was delayed…
Danni – You could of at least phoned.
Max – The Johnson’s have been phoning constantly, I’ve, er, been really busy.
Danni – I would have appreciated a phone call…
Max – And I would have appreciated the plane being on time.
Danni – I miss you. (pause) I haven’t seen you all week, are you coming home now?
Max – I can’t, I’m really busy with the deal, I have to go straight to the office.
Danni – But I miss you.
Max – I know, but I’m really busy and I’m meeting Steve to go to the office gym after work… You go shopping, treat yourself to something nice, just put it on the card.
Danni – Max, I’ve already got plenty of nice things!
Max – (about to hang up) OK, I’d better go.
Danni – Max! I love you…
Max – I know you do, bye.
Max hangs up
Yet more horror
Danni + Max, house
Danni is lighting candles on the table, Max enters, and sits down, taking his coat off
Max – (looking around) What’s all this?
Danni – Well, I thought I’d surprise you by cooking a meal, we haven’t talked properly in ages, so I thought it’d be nice if we could spend the night together.
Max – (irritable) Oh you pick your times, don’t you, woman? You should’ve asked, I’ve already made arrangements, Steve’s coming round.
Danni – Max, I shouldn’t have to ask!
Max – Come on, Danni, you know I live a busy life! You can’t just assume I’m gonna be there for you all the time!
Danni – But that’s the problem, you never are there! When was the last time we sat down and talked for longer than five minutes?
Max – It’s all about getting your priorities right, I’ve got to spend as much time as possible down at the office, I can’t just waste time eating “special” meals with you!
Danni – (blows out candles) Well I just thought it’d be nice…
Max – Aw you’re not in a strop are you? I haven’t got time for this!
Danni – You never have time for anything except work… You haven’t even got time for this family!
Max – Family? I’d hardly call me and you a “family”!
Danni – That was the whole point of this meal, Max…
Max – What?
Danni – (pause) I’m pregnant, we’re going to have a baby…
Max – No, Danni, that’s what you want, not what you are!
Danni – (hands him a letter) Here’s the proof!
Steve knocks on door
Danni – That’ll be Steve, you’d better get your priorities right.
Danni walks off, Steve comes in
Steve – Alright, mate? Ready to do some business?
Max and Steve sit down, Steve unpacks some papers onto the table
Steve – There’s been a fall in the Asian market…
Max – (ignoring him) I can’t believe she’s done this! Stupid b***h!
Steve – Do you hear me?
Max – What the hell is she playing at?
Steve – Max, seriously, we’re in deep this time, if you were in the office more…
Max – (explodes) Shut the hell up, man, Steve! I’m trying to think here!
Max gets up and paces back and forth
Steve – Eh? What you talking about?
Max – It’s Danni, she’s gone and got herself up the duff, hasn’t she? Stupid cow.
Steve – (worried) What, you mean she’s cheating on you? Who’s the father, then, do we know him?
Max – Steve, man, it’s mine!
Steve – Oh… So how did that happen, then?
Max – Aw wake up, man, Steve, eh? How do you think it happened, you never heard of the birds and the bees?
Steve – Of course I know that, man, it’s just I thought you weren’t sleeping with her anymore…
Max – I’ve got to, so she doesn’t get suspicious.
Steve – What are you gonna do, then?
Max – Well she can’t keep it, that’s for sure! I can’t let her ruin my life, I mean think what this could do! It’ll wreck everything – work, Kelly, everything!
Steve – (slyly) Well… if it’s abortion you’re after, I know a few connections, cheap rates.
Max – It’s the only way… The right way! I couldn’t be a father, just look what it did to you! You’ve never been the same since Jayne had your kid.
Steve – Don’t get me started on that!
Pause
Max – So how is, erm, what’s he called again?
Steve – Ben, (tuts) Jayne’s trying to sting me for more money, but my solicitor will soon have that sorted.
Max – Nasty… Ah well, that’s not going to happen to Max Ryan, oh no! I’m gonna show her who’s boss! Give me the number, and I’ll book her in next week, then I won’t have anything to worry about… Fancy a drink?
Steve – Yeah, erm, I’ll have a scotch.
Max – I’ll get the wifey to fetch ‘em in… (shouts) Danni? Make yourself useful, pet, pour us a couple of scotches.
Danni – (offstage) OK
Steve – (looks around) So I take it you haven’t told Kelly about this little “mishap”?
Max – No way! That’s the last thing I wanna do! Kelly is the best thing I’ve got going for me right now, and I want to keep it that way.
Danni enters, carrying the two drinks, she hands them to Max and Steve
Danni – Here you go, boys, two scotches. (smiles falsely)
Max – Anyway, what were you saying before about the market?
Steve – It’s not good, just take a look at these figures…
Steve points to something on the paper, Max and Steve freeze while Maggie walks up
Maggie – I knew he never loved her
This isn't the whole script, I wish I still had it all
Basically the play was about Max cheating on his wife and then his wife being pregnant, and his life falling apart
I played Steve, I had some really bad lines
It was like an episode of Eastenders!
But, it was better than the original plan we had... urgh
There have been no replies to this thread yet.
It's some old drafts of the script my year 12 drama class wrote last year for our group project. I typed it up, and because I worked at home and at school, I had to keep emailing it to myself so I didn't have to stick it on disc
We had to perform this and get graded on our acting ability (if any)
It's not in order, but be warned...
It's utter rubbish!
Max + Steve, gym scene (add cuts later)
Steve is on the floor, doing push ups, Max enters, and walks across
Max – Did you do her, then?
Steve – (gets up, sits down, starts lifting weights) Oh I did, her two mates weren’t bad either!
Max – I don’t know, some blokes get all the luck…
Steve – Well, it doesn’t come naturally, you’ve got to work at it… So what did you do last night, then?
Max – I hit the town with Kelly, we went to that new club.
Steve – What, the Millennium Club?
Max – Yeah.
*Break*
Steve – Hoo, the Millennium Club… bit down market for you, isn’t it?
Max – Kelly’s choice, not mine. It’s not that bad actually, some tasty barmaids on display.
Steve gets up and starts stretching
Steve – That’s what I’m talking about, get any numbers?
Max – With Kelly watching my every move? No way! (pause) I am bloody knackered…
Steve – Oh aye, take it you didn’t get much sleep last night, eh, Casanova?
Max – Do you need to ask?
*Break*
Steve – Anyway, enough of your sex life, any news on the Johnson deal, yet?
Max – Yeah, it’s moving along nicely, nearly there, I think. Just a case of dotting the Is and crossing the Ts.
Steve – (stops stretching) Yeah… we’ll be millionaires by the time we’re fifty.
Max – Seen much of your kid, lately?
Steve – No way, as I’ve said before, I don’t even know if it’s mine, he sure doesn’t look like me! I pay the child support every month, what more does Jayne want? Mind you, I took your advice, and pretty soon I won’t even have to pay that, my solicitor is working on it right now. Then I can just dump him with my sister and forget about him, little brat.
Max – Too right, kids are more trouble than they’re worth. I’m never having children, never! I always knew you were too good for Jayne! What’s the old ice maiden up to these days?
Steve – Apart from b***hing at me? (laughs) I don’t know and I don’t care! Anyway, I’ve had enough, I’m off for a shower.
Max – Yeah, you never could take the pace, that’s your problem, mate, no stamina.
Steve – Aye, aye, at least I’m not forty next week!
Steve starts walking off, and Kelly enters
Steve – Alright, doll face?
Kelly – Fine, thanks, Steve. You’re looking well today.
Steve leaves
Max – Hi, sexy, you’re looking lovely as ever.
Kelly – Ooh, giving me complements, eh? Keep it up.
*Break*
Kelly – So what time are you picking me up tonight?
Max stops and gets up, looking nervous
Max – Erm, actually, I can’t make it tonight, didn’t I tell you?
Kelly – No you bloody well didn’t! What’s so important that you can cancel a date with me?
Max – Well, it’s Danni, I think she’s getting suspicious. So I’ll give it a miss tonight, it’s for the best.
Kelly – I don’t believe it, you’d rather spend time with that b**ch than me! Well if that’s the way you want it, I’m off!
Max – But you’ve still got work to do, you can’t just leave!
Kelly – Oh yes I can, see you tomorrow, Max. Enjoy your night, I know I will.
Kelly starts walking off, Max chases her
Max – Kelly? Kelly, wait! Aw, sh**!
Kelly and Max leave
Here's another monstrosity
Steve and Jayne
Steve and Jayne enter from opposite sides, Steve playing with his phone, Jayne with a letter in her hand
Jayne – So you finally made it, then, eh? (holds up letter) What’s this?
Steve – Hello, Jayne (smiles falsely)
Jayne – Did you really think I wouldn’t notice, did you honestly think I would just sign it? I know I might’ve done some pretty stupid things in my life, but… I mean you didn’t even spell my name right! Jayne is spelt with a Y, Steve, remember? Steve… Steve, are you even listening to me?
Steve – (looks up) Bit difficult not to.
Jayne – But I’m not completely mad… wanting shared access of Ben, just so you can get out of having to pay maintenance. Two words, Steve - stingy b*****d.
Steve – Language, Jayne, language… So is this why you asked me here, so you can b**ch to me about the spelling of your name?
Jayne – You’re pathetic, he’s your own bloody flesh and blood, not some portfolio you can buy and sell!
Steve – You see that’s just it, I don’t even know if he is my own flesh and blood, I wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t. Any man on our street could be his father!
Jayne – (staring Steve right in the eye) I’ve told you before, and I’ll say it again, Ben is not negotiable! So you can go whistle for custody.
Jayne rips up the letter, and lets it fall to the floor, Steve looks down at it, then back at Jayne
Steve – What’s the matter, Jayne, motherhood not as easy as it used to be? God, look at you, you’re not half the woman you once were, that’s why I think you should let me help look after Ben, to ease the pressure off you. (Steve looks at his watch) When’s his next hospital appointment?
Steve sits down and puts his phone away
Jayne – Listen, I don’t have time to play mind games with you, I’m meeting Danni, so I suggest you go back to your £200 an hour solicitor and re-think your game plan.
Steve – You know you can’t win, Jayne, if this goes to the courts, I have a much stronger case.
Jayne – You don’t even care about Ben! You’re just doing this to spite me!
Steve – Maybe, but the court isn’t going to know that, are they?
Jayne – God, you’re unbelievable… (begins to leave)
Steve – (pointing to the letter on the floor) By the way, Jayne, £200 fine, we wouldn’t want to see you get into trouble, would we?
Jayne leaves
And some more
Max + Steve – Party Interlude
Max is facing the wall, drinking scotch, Steve walks up, looking worried
Max – (still facing the wall) Enjoying the party, Steve?
Steve – Er, yeah… Listen, Max, this is serious, that Johnson deal was supposed to tide us over for the rest of the financial year. We had everything riding on that deal, and without it-
Max – (interrupting) Steve, I don’t want to have this conversation, not here, not now. It’s my birthday for God’s sake, all this stuff can wait.
Steve pulls Max around to face him
Steve – Max, listen to me, please! Our investors are calling in their loans, our stock has fallen to nothing… We’re ruined!
Max takes some pills out of a bottle and swallows them down with scotch, Steve looks on
Steve – That’s your answer for everything, isn’t it? Well it’s not gonna help you this time! Max, how do you expect me to sort this lot out if you’re never in the office? Max? Max, it’s game over! We’re finished!
Max turns away and starts drinking again, ignoring Steve
Steve – Max? Max, what are we gonna do?
Max – Do what you want, I don’t care anymore!
This was the opening scene
Max, Kelly + Steve
Steve walks in, dialling a number on his phone, he lets it ring a bit
Steve – Come on, you randy get, pick up… Where are you? (tuts) Let me guess! Put her down and pick up the phone! Come on, I know you’re there…
Kelly answers
Kelly – Hello, Max’s phone.
Steve – Kelly? Hello, darling, do us a favour and go and get lover boy out of his bed.
Kelly – Hi, Steve, OK, just a minute (calls off) Max!
Max – (offstage) Coming.
Kelly – So how are you doing, Steve?
Steve – I’m OK, but I see you’ve been keeping Max busy, I knew there had to be some reason why he wasn’t answering. So what’d you get up to?
Kelly – Oh come on, Steve, please tell me you’re not that sad to want to know all the gory details… But, I suppose if that’s how you get your kicks…
Steve – Hey, you should know me better than that, I’ve got a girl in every corner! So is Max ready or what?
Kelly – Er, he’s still in the shower, he’ll be along any minute… Oh, he’s coming about especially for you.
Steve – There’s a mate, leaving a hot shower, not to mention a beautiful woman, just to talk to me.
Kelly – Oh give up, Steve!
Max enters in a bathrobe, Kelly passes him the phone
Max – (irritable) What is it, Steve, this had better be important!
Steve – Well, it’s a bit of bad news…
Max – Well? Come one, spit it out, I haven’t got all day!
Steve – It’s the shares, they’re, erm…
Max – Come on, man, Steve, what’s wrong?
Steve – (sighs) There’s been a slump in the share prices, I’ve had our reps in Singapore on the phone all morning! They’ve “requested” an urgent meeting, they want to know when you get back.
Max – Aw sh**, I don’t believe it! Right, set a meeting for five, I want everyone there. We’ll show these bloody rice pickers who’s in charge! Tell Marcus to set up the video link, I’ll be along in a bit. I’ve got some other, er, stuff, to do first…
Steve – Oh aye?
Max – Steve, please, this is not the time for funny beggars.
Steve – Er, Max? There was one other thing…
Max – What now?
Steve – I’ve had your wife on the phone all morning too, she’s rang nearly a dozen bloody times! She keeps asking for the number of the hotel she thinks you’re staying at.
Max – Oh for God’s sake, perfect timing… I’ll take care of her, whingey cow, probably just after some money or something… Right, I’d better go Stevie boy, and hey, don’t worry, I’ll sort this mess out.
Steve – OK, I’ll see you at five then, bye.
Both hang up. Kelly comes up behind Max, and puts her arms around him
Kelly – Come one, gorgeous, you look like you need relaxing.
Max – (pushes her away) Not now, eh, Kelly. What’s wrong with everyone? Can I not just be left alone?
Kelly – You weren’t like this five minutes ago.
Max – Leave off, Kelly, I’ve got to phone Danni.
Kelly – That’s right, she always comes first!
Kelly storms off, Max picks up his phone and dials, it rings and Danni answers
Danni – (worried) Hello?
Max – Hi, Danni…
Danni – (interrupting) Max! Where the bloody hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick!
Max – Just got back, I’m at the airport, the plane was delayed…
Danni – You could of at least phoned.
Max – The Johnson’s have been phoning constantly, I’ve, er, been really busy.
Danni – I would have appreciated a phone call…
Max – And I would have appreciated the plane being on time.
Danni – I miss you. (pause) I haven’t seen you all week, are you coming home now?
Max – I can’t, I’m really busy with the deal, I have to go straight to the office.
Danni – But I miss you.
Max – I know, but I’m really busy and I’m meeting Steve to go to the office gym after work… You go shopping, treat yourself to something nice, just put it on the card.
Danni – Max, I’ve already got plenty of nice things!
Max – (about to hang up) OK, I’d better go.
Danni – Max! I love you…
Max – I know you do, bye.
Max hangs up
Yet more horror
Danni + Max, house
Danni is lighting candles on the table, Max enters, and sits down, taking his coat off
Max – (looking around) What’s all this?
Danni – Well, I thought I’d surprise you by cooking a meal, we haven’t talked properly in ages, so I thought it’d be nice if we could spend the night together.
Max – (irritable) Oh you pick your times, don’t you, woman? You should’ve asked, I’ve already made arrangements, Steve’s coming round.
Danni – Max, I shouldn’t have to ask!
Max – Come on, Danni, you know I live a busy life! You can’t just assume I’m gonna be there for you all the time!
Danni – But that’s the problem, you never are there! When was the last time we sat down and talked for longer than five minutes?
Max – It’s all about getting your priorities right, I’ve got to spend as much time as possible down at the office, I can’t just waste time eating “special” meals with you!
Danni – (blows out candles) Well I just thought it’d be nice…
Max – Aw you’re not in a strop are you? I haven’t got time for this!
Danni – You never have time for anything except work… You haven’t even got time for this family!
Max – Family? I’d hardly call me and you a “family”!
Danni – That was the whole point of this meal, Max…
Max – What?
Danni – (pause) I’m pregnant, we’re going to have a baby…
Max – No, Danni, that’s what you want, not what you are!
Danni – (hands him a letter) Here’s the proof!
Steve knocks on door
Danni – That’ll be Steve, you’d better get your priorities right.
Danni walks off, Steve comes in
Steve – Alright, mate? Ready to do some business?
Max and Steve sit down, Steve unpacks some papers onto the table
Steve – There’s been a fall in the Asian market…
Max – (ignoring him) I can’t believe she’s done this! Stupid b***h!
Steve – Do you hear me?
Max – What the hell is she playing at?
Steve – Max, seriously, we’re in deep this time, if you were in the office more…
Max – (explodes) Shut the hell up, man, Steve! I’m trying to think here!
Max gets up and paces back and forth
Steve – Eh? What you talking about?
Max – It’s Danni, she’s gone and got herself up the duff, hasn’t she? Stupid cow.
Steve – (worried) What, you mean she’s cheating on you? Who’s the father, then, do we know him?
Max – Steve, man, it’s mine!
Steve – Oh… So how did that happen, then?
Max – Aw wake up, man, Steve, eh? How do you think it happened, you never heard of the birds and the bees?
Steve – Of course I know that, man, it’s just I thought you weren’t sleeping with her anymore…
Max – I’ve got to, so she doesn’t get suspicious.
Steve – What are you gonna do, then?
Max – Well she can’t keep it, that’s for sure! I can’t let her ruin my life, I mean think what this could do! It’ll wreck everything – work, Kelly, everything!
Steve – (slyly) Well… if it’s abortion you’re after, I know a few connections, cheap rates.
Max – It’s the only way… The right way! I couldn’t be a father, just look what it did to you! You’ve never been the same since Jayne had your kid.
Steve – Don’t get me started on that!
Pause
Max – So how is, erm, what’s he called again?
Steve – Ben, (tuts) Jayne’s trying to sting me for more money, but my solicitor will soon have that sorted.
Max – Nasty… Ah well, that’s not going to happen to Max Ryan, oh no! I’m gonna show her who’s boss! Give me the number, and I’ll book her in next week, then I won’t have anything to worry about… Fancy a drink?
Steve – Yeah, erm, I’ll have a scotch.
Max – I’ll get the wifey to fetch ‘em in… (shouts) Danni? Make yourself useful, pet, pour us a couple of scotches.
Danni – (offstage) OK
Steve – (looks around) So I take it you haven’t told Kelly about this little “mishap”?
Max – No way! That’s the last thing I wanna do! Kelly is the best thing I’ve got going for me right now, and I want to keep it that way.
Danni enters, carrying the two drinks, she hands them to Max and Steve
Danni – Here you go, boys, two scotches. (smiles falsely)
Max – Anyway, what were you saying before about the market?
Steve – It’s not good, just take a look at these figures…
Steve points to something on the paper, Max and Steve freeze while Maggie walks up
Maggie – I knew he never loved her
This isn't the whole script, I wish I still had it all
Basically the play was about Max cheating on his wife and then his wife being pregnant, and his life falling apart
I played Steve, I had some really bad lines
It was like an episode of Eastenders!
But, it was better than the original plan we had... urgh
We had to perform this and get graded on our acting ability (if any)
It's not in order, but be warned...
It's utter rubbish!
Max + Steve, gym scene (add cuts later)
Steve is on the floor, doing push ups, Max enters, and walks across
Max – Did you do her, then?
Steve – (gets up, sits down, starts lifting weights) Oh I did, her two mates weren’t bad either!
Max – I don’t know, some blokes get all the luck…
Steve – Well, it doesn’t come naturally, you’ve got to work at it… So what did you do last night, then?
Max – I hit the town with Kelly, we went to that new club.
Steve – What, the Millennium Club?
Max – Yeah.
*Break*
Steve – Hoo, the Millennium Club… bit down market for you, isn’t it?
Max – Kelly’s choice, not mine. It’s not that bad actually, some tasty barmaids on display.
Steve gets up and starts stretching
Steve – That’s what I’m talking about, get any numbers?
Max – With Kelly watching my every move? No way! (pause) I am bloody knackered…
Steve – Oh aye, take it you didn’t get much sleep last night, eh, Casanova?
Max – Do you need to ask?
*Break*
Steve – Anyway, enough of your sex life, any news on the Johnson deal, yet?
Max – Yeah, it’s moving along nicely, nearly there, I think. Just a case of dotting the Is and crossing the Ts.
Steve – (stops stretching) Yeah… we’ll be millionaires by the time we’re fifty.
Max – Seen much of your kid, lately?
Steve – No way, as I’ve said before, I don’t even know if it’s mine, he sure doesn’t look like me! I pay the child support every month, what more does Jayne want? Mind you, I took your advice, and pretty soon I won’t even have to pay that, my solicitor is working on it right now. Then I can just dump him with my sister and forget about him, little brat.
Max – Too right, kids are more trouble than they’re worth. I’m never having children, never! I always knew you were too good for Jayne! What’s the old ice maiden up to these days?
Steve – Apart from b***hing at me? (laughs) I don’t know and I don’t care! Anyway, I’ve had enough, I’m off for a shower.
Max – Yeah, you never could take the pace, that’s your problem, mate, no stamina.
Steve – Aye, aye, at least I’m not forty next week!
Steve starts walking off, and Kelly enters
Steve – Alright, doll face?
Kelly – Fine, thanks, Steve. You’re looking well today.
Steve leaves
Max – Hi, sexy, you’re looking lovely as ever.
Kelly – Ooh, giving me complements, eh? Keep it up.
*Break*
Kelly – So what time are you picking me up tonight?
Max stops and gets up, looking nervous
Max – Erm, actually, I can’t make it tonight, didn’t I tell you?
Kelly – No you bloody well didn’t! What’s so important that you can cancel a date with me?
Max – Well, it’s Danni, I think she’s getting suspicious. So I’ll give it a miss tonight, it’s for the best.
Kelly – I don’t believe it, you’d rather spend time with that b**ch than me! Well if that’s the way you want it, I’m off!
Max – But you’ve still got work to do, you can’t just leave!
Kelly – Oh yes I can, see you tomorrow, Max. Enjoy your night, I know I will.
Kelly starts walking off, Max chases her
Max – Kelly? Kelly, wait! Aw, sh**!
Kelly and Max leave
Here's another monstrosity
Steve and Jayne
Steve and Jayne enter from opposite sides, Steve playing with his phone, Jayne with a letter in her hand
Jayne – So you finally made it, then, eh? (holds up letter) What’s this?
Steve – Hello, Jayne (smiles falsely)
Jayne – Did you really think I wouldn’t notice, did you honestly think I would just sign it? I know I might’ve done some pretty stupid things in my life, but… I mean you didn’t even spell my name right! Jayne is spelt with a Y, Steve, remember? Steve… Steve, are you even listening to me?
Steve – (looks up) Bit difficult not to.
Jayne – But I’m not completely mad… wanting shared access of Ben, just so you can get out of having to pay maintenance. Two words, Steve - stingy b*****d.
Steve – Language, Jayne, language… So is this why you asked me here, so you can b**ch to me about the spelling of your name?
Jayne – You’re pathetic, he’s your own bloody flesh and blood, not some portfolio you can buy and sell!
Steve – You see that’s just it, I don’t even know if he is my own flesh and blood, I wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t. Any man on our street could be his father!
Jayne – (staring Steve right in the eye) I’ve told you before, and I’ll say it again, Ben is not negotiable! So you can go whistle for custody.
Jayne rips up the letter, and lets it fall to the floor, Steve looks down at it, then back at Jayne
Steve – What’s the matter, Jayne, motherhood not as easy as it used to be? God, look at you, you’re not half the woman you once were, that’s why I think you should let me help look after Ben, to ease the pressure off you. (Steve looks at his watch) When’s his next hospital appointment?
Steve sits down and puts his phone away
Jayne – Listen, I don’t have time to play mind games with you, I’m meeting Danni, so I suggest you go back to your £200 an hour solicitor and re-think your game plan.
Steve – You know you can’t win, Jayne, if this goes to the courts, I have a much stronger case.
Jayne – You don’t even care about Ben! You’re just doing this to spite me!
Steve – Maybe, but the court isn’t going to know that, are they?
Jayne – God, you’re unbelievable… (begins to leave)
Steve – (pointing to the letter on the floor) By the way, Jayne, £200 fine, we wouldn’t want to see you get into trouble, would we?
Jayne leaves
And some more
Max + Steve – Party Interlude
Max is facing the wall, drinking scotch, Steve walks up, looking worried
Max – (still facing the wall) Enjoying the party, Steve?
Steve – Er, yeah… Listen, Max, this is serious, that Johnson deal was supposed to tide us over for the rest of the financial year. We had everything riding on that deal, and without it-
Max – (interrupting) Steve, I don’t want to have this conversation, not here, not now. It’s my birthday for God’s sake, all this stuff can wait.
Steve pulls Max around to face him
Steve – Max, listen to me, please! Our investors are calling in their loans, our stock has fallen to nothing… We’re ruined!
Max takes some pills out of a bottle and swallows them down with scotch, Steve looks on
Steve – That’s your answer for everything, isn’t it? Well it’s not gonna help you this time! Max, how do you expect me to sort this lot out if you’re never in the office? Max? Max, it’s game over! We’re finished!
Max turns away and starts drinking again, ignoring Steve
Steve – Max? Max, what are we gonna do?
Max – Do what you want, I don’t care anymore!
This was the opening scene
Max, Kelly + Steve
Steve walks in, dialling a number on his phone, he lets it ring a bit
Steve – Come on, you randy get, pick up… Where are you? (tuts) Let me guess! Put her down and pick up the phone! Come on, I know you’re there…
Kelly answers
Kelly – Hello, Max’s phone.
Steve – Kelly? Hello, darling, do us a favour and go and get lover boy out of his bed.
Kelly – Hi, Steve, OK, just a minute (calls off) Max!
Max – (offstage) Coming.
Kelly – So how are you doing, Steve?
Steve – I’m OK, but I see you’ve been keeping Max busy, I knew there had to be some reason why he wasn’t answering. So what’d you get up to?
Kelly – Oh come on, Steve, please tell me you’re not that sad to want to know all the gory details… But, I suppose if that’s how you get your kicks…
Steve – Hey, you should know me better than that, I’ve got a girl in every corner! So is Max ready or what?
Kelly – Er, he’s still in the shower, he’ll be along any minute… Oh, he’s coming about especially for you.
Steve – There’s a mate, leaving a hot shower, not to mention a beautiful woman, just to talk to me.
Kelly – Oh give up, Steve!
Max enters in a bathrobe, Kelly passes him the phone
Max – (irritable) What is it, Steve, this had better be important!
Steve – Well, it’s a bit of bad news…
Max – Well? Come one, spit it out, I haven’t got all day!
Steve – It’s the shares, they’re, erm…
Max – Come on, man, Steve, what’s wrong?
Steve – (sighs) There’s been a slump in the share prices, I’ve had our reps in Singapore on the phone all morning! They’ve “requested” an urgent meeting, they want to know when you get back.
Max – Aw sh**, I don’t believe it! Right, set a meeting for five, I want everyone there. We’ll show these bloody rice pickers who’s in charge! Tell Marcus to set up the video link, I’ll be along in a bit. I’ve got some other, er, stuff, to do first…
Steve – Oh aye?
Max – Steve, please, this is not the time for funny beggars.
Steve – Er, Max? There was one other thing…
Max – What now?
Steve – I’ve had your wife on the phone all morning too, she’s rang nearly a dozen bloody times! She keeps asking for the number of the hotel she thinks you’re staying at.
Max – Oh for God’s sake, perfect timing… I’ll take care of her, whingey cow, probably just after some money or something… Right, I’d better go Stevie boy, and hey, don’t worry, I’ll sort this mess out.
Steve – OK, I’ll see you at five then, bye.
Both hang up. Kelly comes up behind Max, and puts her arms around him
Kelly – Come one, gorgeous, you look like you need relaxing.
Max – (pushes her away) Not now, eh, Kelly. What’s wrong with everyone? Can I not just be left alone?
Kelly – You weren’t like this five minutes ago.
Max – Leave off, Kelly, I’ve got to phone Danni.
Kelly – That’s right, she always comes first!
Kelly storms off, Max picks up his phone and dials, it rings and Danni answers
Danni – (worried) Hello?
Max – Hi, Danni…
Danni – (interrupting) Max! Where the bloody hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick!
Max – Just got back, I’m at the airport, the plane was delayed…
Danni – You could of at least phoned.
Max – The Johnson’s have been phoning constantly, I’ve, er, been really busy.
Danni – I would have appreciated a phone call…
Max – And I would have appreciated the plane being on time.
Danni – I miss you. (pause) I haven’t seen you all week, are you coming home now?
Max – I can’t, I’m really busy with the deal, I have to go straight to the office.
Danni – But I miss you.
Max – I know, but I’m really busy and I’m meeting Steve to go to the office gym after work… You go shopping, treat yourself to something nice, just put it on the card.
Danni – Max, I’ve already got plenty of nice things!
Max – (about to hang up) OK, I’d better go.
Danni – Max! I love you…
Max – I know you do, bye.
Max hangs up
Yet more horror
Danni + Max, house
Danni is lighting candles on the table, Max enters, and sits down, taking his coat off
Max – (looking around) What’s all this?
Danni – Well, I thought I’d surprise you by cooking a meal, we haven’t talked properly in ages, so I thought it’d be nice if we could spend the night together.
Max – (irritable) Oh you pick your times, don’t you, woman? You should’ve asked, I’ve already made arrangements, Steve’s coming round.
Danni – Max, I shouldn’t have to ask!
Max – Come on, Danni, you know I live a busy life! You can’t just assume I’m gonna be there for you all the time!
Danni – But that’s the problem, you never are there! When was the last time we sat down and talked for longer than five minutes?
Max – It’s all about getting your priorities right, I’ve got to spend as much time as possible down at the office, I can’t just waste time eating “special” meals with you!
Danni – (blows out candles) Well I just thought it’d be nice…
Max – Aw you’re not in a strop are you? I haven’t got time for this!
Danni – You never have time for anything except work… You haven’t even got time for this family!
Max – Family? I’d hardly call me and you a “family”!
Danni – That was the whole point of this meal, Max…
Max – What?
Danni – (pause) I’m pregnant, we’re going to have a baby…
Max – No, Danni, that’s what you want, not what you are!
Danni – (hands him a letter) Here’s the proof!
Steve knocks on door
Danni – That’ll be Steve, you’d better get your priorities right.
Danni walks off, Steve comes in
Steve – Alright, mate? Ready to do some business?
Max and Steve sit down, Steve unpacks some papers onto the table
Steve – There’s been a fall in the Asian market…
Max – (ignoring him) I can’t believe she’s done this! Stupid b***h!
Steve – Do you hear me?
Max – What the hell is she playing at?
Steve – Max, seriously, we’re in deep this time, if you were in the office more…
Max – (explodes) Shut the hell up, man, Steve! I’m trying to think here!
Max gets up and paces back and forth
Steve – Eh? What you talking about?
Max – It’s Danni, she’s gone and got herself up the duff, hasn’t she? Stupid cow.
Steve – (worried) What, you mean she’s cheating on you? Who’s the father, then, do we know him?
Max – Steve, man, it’s mine!
Steve – Oh… So how did that happen, then?
Max – Aw wake up, man, Steve, eh? How do you think it happened, you never heard of the birds and the bees?
Steve – Of course I know that, man, it’s just I thought you weren’t sleeping with her anymore…
Max – I’ve got to, so she doesn’t get suspicious.
Steve – What are you gonna do, then?
Max – Well she can’t keep it, that’s for sure! I can’t let her ruin my life, I mean think what this could do! It’ll wreck everything – work, Kelly, everything!
Steve – (slyly) Well… if it’s abortion you’re after, I know a few connections, cheap rates.
Max – It’s the only way… The right way! I couldn’t be a father, just look what it did to you! You’ve never been the same since Jayne had your kid.
Steve – Don’t get me started on that!
Pause
Max – So how is, erm, what’s he called again?
Steve – Ben, (tuts) Jayne’s trying to sting me for more money, but my solicitor will soon have that sorted.
Max – Nasty… Ah well, that’s not going to happen to Max Ryan, oh no! I’m gonna show her who’s boss! Give me the number, and I’ll book her in next week, then I won’t have anything to worry about… Fancy a drink?
Steve – Yeah, erm, I’ll have a scotch.
Max – I’ll get the wifey to fetch ‘em in… (shouts) Danni? Make yourself useful, pet, pour us a couple of scotches.
Danni – (offstage) OK
Steve – (looks around) So I take it you haven’t told Kelly about this little “mishap”?
Max – No way! That’s the last thing I wanna do! Kelly is the best thing I’ve got going for me right now, and I want to keep it that way.
Danni enters, carrying the two drinks, she hands them to Max and Steve
Danni – Here you go, boys, two scotches. (smiles falsely)
Max – Anyway, what were you saying before about the market?
Steve – It’s not good, just take a look at these figures…
Steve points to something on the paper, Max and Steve freeze while Maggie walks up
Maggie – I knew he never loved her
This isn't the whole script, I wish I still had it all
Basically the play was about Max cheating on his wife and then his wife being pregnant, and his life falling apart
I played Steve, I had some really bad lines
It was like an episode of Eastenders!
But, it was better than the original plan we had... urgh