Viewing Thread:
"Beer Troubleshooting"

Symptom: Feet cold and wet
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle
Action: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling

Symptom: Feet warm and Wet
Fault: Improper bladder control
Action: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless
Fault: Glass Empty
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer

Symptom: Opposite wall covered with flourescent lights
Fault: You have fallen over backward
Action: Have yourself tied to the bar

Symptom: Mouth contains cigarette butts
Fault: You have fallen over forward
Action: Have yourself tied to the bar

Symptom: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet
Fault: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face
Action: retire to the men's room, practice in mirror

Symptom: Floor Blurred
Fault: You are looking through the bottom of an empoty glass
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer

Symptom: Floor Moving
Fault: You are being carried out
Action: Find out if you are being taken to another bar

Symptom: Room seems unusually dark
Fault: Bar has closed
Action: Confirm home address with barman

Symptom: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures
Fault: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations
Action: Cover mouth

Symptom: Everyone looks up to you and smiles
Fault: You are dancing on the table
Action: Fall on somebody comfortable looking

Symptom: Beer is crystal clear
Fault: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up
Action: Punch him

Symptom: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear
Fault: You have been in a fight
Action: Apologize to everyone you see in case it was them

Symptom: Don't recognise anybody or the room you are in
Fault: You have wandered into the wrong party
Action: Find out if they have free Beer

Symptom: Your singing sounds distorted
Fault: The beer is too weak
Action: Have more beer until your voice improves

Symptom: Don't remember the words to the song you are singing
Fault: Beer is just right
Action: Play air guitar

Symptom: Feet cold and wet
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle
Action: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling

Symptom: Feet warm and Wet
Fault: Improper bladder control
Action: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless
Fault: Glass Empty
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer

Symptom: Opposite wall covered with flourescent lights
Fault: You have fallen over backward
Action: Have yourself tied to the bar

Symptom: Mouth contains cigarette butts
Fault: You have fallen over forward
Action: Have yourself tied to the bar

Symptom: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet
Fault: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face
Action: retire to the men's room, practice in mirror

Symptom: Floor Blurred
Fault: You are looking through the bottom of an empoty glass
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer

Symptom: Floor Moving
Fault: You are being carried out
Action: Find out if you are being taken to another bar

Symptom: Room seems unusually dark
Fault: Bar has closed
Action: Confirm home address with barman

Symptom: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures
Fault: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations
Action: Cover mouth

Symptom: Everyone looks up to you and smiles
Fault: You are dancing on the table
Action: Fall on somebody comfortable looking

Symptom: Beer is crystal clear
Fault: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up
Action: Punch him

Symptom: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear
Fault: You have been in a fight
Action: Apologize to everyone you see in case it was them

Symptom: Don't recognise anybody or the room you are in
Fault: You have wandered into the wrong party
Action: Find out if they have free Beer

Symptom: Your singing sounds distorted
Fault: The beer is too weak
Action: Have more beer until your voice improves

Symptom: Don't remember the words to the song you are singing
Fault: Beer is just right
Action: Play air guitar

Very funny.

I recieved the e-mail of this a few days ago, it is quite funny.

LOL, i suppose.

I'm drinking beer as we speak. Home brew. Tastes like cr@p but gets you drunk as a skunk in 10 minutes or less.

I saw a poster of this in some toilets at a house party last night, there was a huge queue so I didn't have time to read it.

Yeah, it's done the rounds, but it is still damn funny...

ROFL, thats the first good laugh ive had all day, and considering it 11:56 you can tell its been a boring day.

Hi all,

We're doing a route on Darwen Moor and surroundings this Weds night.

Meet at Dole Lane opposite the Hare & Hounds for a 17:45 dart.....

Paul