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"The Newbie Menace"

I wrote this quite a while ago, back when I first joined. But I foolishly posted it in Archive, where no-one read it. So here it is.It's long, but I'd appreciate it if you read it.

Oh, it was written before Shaneo got banned the first time (those were the days) and before the Goaty/RBS notable election.

**

daIt was a calm day over the outskirts of FOG – The chat lands. Regulars and notables mingled, chatted and conversed under the watchful eyes of SR. All was well in the world.
Two FOG defenders stood right at the outskirts, looking out into the bleak no-mans land that surrounded the FOG. Occasionally, a native would merge from these bleak lands, and he would be initiated into the FOG. The primitive custom, known as spamming, was quickly stopped and forgotten. It was in this way that the natives of FOG kept themselves strong, and presented a proud front to the rest of the Forum lands. The defenders were conversing quietly.
“So, Turbo, what’s happening in the Web Forum? All you ‘intellectuals’ having a good time?”
“You what, screw you Stryke, and your obsession with Dogma. What’s that about? Got feelings for Kevin Smith or something?”
“ You nerd!”
“ You freak!”
Turbo held up a hand suddenly. His keen eyes had spotted something out in the wilderness.
“ What’s that? Looks like…”
“It can’t be….”
“ It is. We’ve got to seal the gates! MOVE!”
What seemed like a moving wall of black was flowing towards the FOG. As it came closer, they began to make out faces. Primitive tattoos covered them, and they swung archaic weapons. Turbo look disgusted.
“ Newbies.”
”Do they mean to invade FOG? I’ve never seen so many!”
“I don’t intend to stick around to find out. Seal the gates, NOW!”
Stryke and Turbo turned their keys in unison, and the mighty gates of FOG began to close.
“C’mon, C’mon!” murmured Stryke, as the newbies got closer. The gates thudded shut seconds before the leading newbie hit it. It screamed something in a strange language.
“Turbo, you’ve been here longer than me, can you understand it?”
Turbo shook his head.
“It’s their language. Something we call Spam. I believe there are leading regulars who have devoted their lives to studying it. We need to consult with the Council, at any rate. And get my a squad up here now.”
“ Yes sir.” Stryke grabbed a phone.

The Council of FOG sat up on raised seats, looking down on the two soldiers standing before them. One leaded forward. Each one represented a state of the FOG, be it the Prime, Digveridia, Web, or Archive. Each state provided its contribution to the FOG. From Prime the leaders were drawn, and the crack elite squad of the Notables. From Web came the scientists, from Archive the artists and authors. The one speaking represented Prime. He was RastaBillySkank, head of the Order of WLT.
“ You are telling us that the barbarians are launching an attack on the FOG lands?”
Another, represented the learned state of Life raised a hand. He was Goatboy, a cynic, yet a master of FOG.
“ I do not believe that the Newbies could have risen again without us knowing.”
They all looked towards the Head of the Council – Tony. He stood.
“ The information gathered here today can hardly be called conclusive. I suggest a commission be sent to investigate.”
Stryke and Turbo sighed. Bogged down in procedure. Something had to be done. Turbo whispered to Stryke, once they had left the Council.
“ I will contact the Notables. They must believe me.”
Stryke nodded.
“ I will do what I can amongst the regulars. We must be prepared”
Off to one side, where no-one could see him, a regular smiled to himself and slipped off down a side corridor – towards the Chatlands….

The regular drove quietly across the Chatlands, his eyes set firmly on the great, shut gates of FOG. Call them a spammer, do they? Laughed at his posts, would they? He’d show them. He’d show them what Spam was really like! He’d show them ALL! His name was Triple F. He chuckled quietly to himself as he pulled up to the Gates. A lone Newbie waited outside, but the darkness behind him rippled at the constant movement. The Wilderness was not a peaceful land. This was a land readying for war.
FFF moved closer to the waiting person, muttering softly in Spam, exchanging the passwords. Finally, he turned to face him directly.
“You have what I asked for?” asked FFF
“ We do.”
“ Then I shall give you what you want. Tell the Banned Ones that the Council is unsure, unbelieving. But Turbo and Stryke are acting on it. The Notables WILL do something. I’ve seen their leader. He will strike back. You only have a short time to bring the Chatlands under your control. An alarm will go off when I open the gates. The Council may be indecisive, but the Army won’t be. I’d give you two hours before they engage.”
He turned away, and hit the unlock button. Alarms went off immediately. The Newbies smiled, and the darkness rolled into the roll. One approached FFF.
“ We thank you for your work. Here, your reward.”
The newbie brought a knife up, suddenly, spitting FFF on the end.
“ No regular could ever re-join us. You are the first. You will not be the last.”
FFF’s eyes opened wide. He had been a fool. But, none of it mattered anymore. He sighed as death took him.

Stryke saluted, as the Commander in Chief of the FOG Army entered the room.
“At ease, Captain.”
“Yes sir.”
Field Marshall Reaper sat down, and gestured towards a seat.
“ Now Captain, what have you got for me?”
“ Sir, today at Oh-Nine hundred hours, myself and Major Turbo encountered a disturbance in the Wilderness. To be frank sir, I’ve never seen so many Newbies. They came suddenly. It was all we could do to shut the gates in time. I don’t know how the Newbies could have got so organised.”
Reaper frowned.
“ Captain, I’m telling you this because I trust you and Major Turbo. This is strictly confidental.”
Stryke nodded, suddenly curious.
“ There is a group, out there in the Wilderness. They are called the Banned Ones. Occasionally, a regular rebels against the training we give them. They revert back to their primal instincts.”
Stryke shuddered.
“ Disgusting.”
“ Don’t be so confident Captain. It could happen to you, me or any regular. The Banned Ones are twisted, bitter beyond belief. They have been expelled from the FOG for their crimes. My knowledge is, somewhat sketchy, but I do know of one. His name is Dogfather. I was a captain, like yourself, when he turned. It was horrible. I hope I never see it again.”
Reaper stood and turned to the window.
“ It has been my belief for a while now that sending the Banned Ones among the Newbies is a mistake. They have the knowledge and the drive to attack us. But the Council will not listen, and the Council has the influence among the Notables.”
He turned back to look at Stryke.
”I will deploy my forces. Rest assured, Cap…”
Reaper was cut off, suddenly, as an alarm rang through the base. Reaper looked worried.
“ That’s the outer perimeter alarm. It’s been breached. That can only mean…”
Stryke gulped.
“ There moving faster than we thought.”
Reaper nodded.
“ Return to your unit Captain. I believe I will have use for you before too long.”
“ Surely sir, we are better trained and more skilled than the Newbies?”
“ We are, but for everyone of them that goes down a hundred take their place”
Worry filled Reaper’s eyes.
“ I don’t know…”
He turned and strode out of the room.


Turbo was standing in the middle of the Notables. He looked among their numbers. The best of the best, the cream of the FOG Army. The best line of defence FOG had against the Newbies.
“ Grix, you must listen to me!” Turbo was in desperation. His influence among the Notables had not been strong for a while, but he had hoped…
“ No Turbo, you must listen to me.” Grix, the Notable leader, stood. He towered over Turbo. “I will not commit my men without backing from the Council. You must understand this.”
“ But Grix, the threat is…”
“ Only reported by yourself and a inexperienced captain.”
” You doubt Stryke’s loyalty? He is..”
” Unproven.” Wookiee rose. “ I have no doubt about your loyalties, my friend, but this captain you speak of is unaccounted for. He has no battle experience and he has just been accepted into the Army. No combat, no test, no proof.”
Turbo sighed. He knew the wise notable spoke the truth.
“ We will await orders from the council.” Sniper leant forward, his hands forming a bridge. “That should be good enough for you.”
Turbo glared at Sniper, and swept from the room.
Grix glanced at Sniper.
” Send a team. I want to establish facts.”
Sniper looked up suddenly.
“ But sir, the Council…”
“ Is ineffectual, and has been for some time. I trust every member, and singly they are a match for any of us, but as a unit there hands are tied.”
Sniper nodded, rose, and beckoned to Wookiee and pb.
“ Wookiee and pb need field experience. They are new to our numbers. Arm yourselfs.”
They nodded, and slipped away.
Grix sighed, and picked up a phone.
“ Get me RBS. I need to find out the strength of the Order of WLT.”


RastaBillySkank wandered through the courtyards of the abbey, the monks of his Order practising around him. He nodded to the officer approaching him.
“ Grix, I can’t commit my monks. They need more practise, and you haven’t even confirmed this threat or got approval from the council.”
“ Rasta, I need your help. Remember your days as a soldier.”
“ That was a long time ago Grix. I’m not a warrior any more.”
“ No, you’re a politican.” Grix had to fight hard to keep the scorn out of his voice.
Rasta turned sharply.
“ A councillor. For our home, Prime. Can’t you appreciate that? If this threat is actually real, then I will need all my forces to protect it. That includes the Notables.”
Grix’s jaw dropped.
“ You’re not serious? Recalling the soldiers of Prime from the Federation of Gaming Army?”
“ Grix, let me show you something.”
They wandered over the where a map of the Federation was spread on a table.
“ The Federation is surrounded on three sides by the vast Wilderness. The regions of Chatland border it. Then comes the three Game states – Nintendo, Sony and Microsoft. After that we have the Inner States – Life, Digiverdia, Retro, Archive, Web and so on. Lastly, we have us – Prime, at the centre of the Federation. We are the heart. We ARE the Federation. Protecting Prime is protecting the Federation.”
Grix backed away, shaking his head.
“ No. Without the rest, Prime is just a tiny state in a world of Forums. It would be insignificant.”
“ Grix, I’ll need your support.”
“ I won’t help.”
“ You have no choice.”
“ Damn right I do! I can refuse. Take the Notables into hiding.”
“ The Notables are of Prime.”
” We serve the Federation.”
“ YOU SERVE PRIME!”
“ I serve the Federation. You obviously serve only yourself. Good luck Rasta. Prime is going to need it.”
Grix turned and swept out.

A group of regulars were conversing in the Chatlands. Standing not far from the Gates.
“ Look, Tiltawhirl, you flaming Ninty, a DVD Player is so useful!”
“ Bonus, you idiot. The Gamecube will have..”
” I don’t give a monkeys! The Gamecube is a piece of crap!”
“ Guys, guys. Peace my friends!” CJC was sitting calmly on a rock.
They both turned to argue, but as they did, they brought the Gates into their viewpoint. And that meant…
“ Jes-US!” yelled Tiltawhirl.
“ Newbies! A whole sodding army of them!” cried Bonus.
CJC leapt from his seat and spun around.
“Whoa!”
They began to back slowly away.
“ There’s so many? How did they get in?”
“ I don’t care! I just want to know where we get out! Let’s go!”
Bonus and CJC turned to run, but Tiltawhirl ran forward.
“ I left by GBA back there!”
Bonus and CJC were half way up the hill when they realised Tiltawhirl wasn’t with them. They looked back. He was almost at the rock. CJC turned back, but Bonus grabbed him.
“ We can’t save him!”
CJC shook him off.
“ I have to try!”
He ran back down the hill to Tiltawhirl. Bonus backed slowly up the hill, shocked at what he was about to see.
The newbies reached them. Bonus turned his head away in disgust.
“ God no! No-one deserves that, not even a Ninty!”
“BONUS!”
Major Turbo was running down the hill, backed up by his squad. He nodded to his second in command.
“ Captain Stryke, repression fire.”
The captain nodded, and gestured to several soldiers, who kneeled either side of him. They began firing periodically into the Newbie’s ranks, who were now advancing up the hill.
“ Bonus, what happened?” said Turbo.
“ Tiltawhirl and CJC….got caught….ripped apart….Where the hell did they come from?”
Turbo just grimaced.
“ Full retreat all. Fall back. Nothing more we can do here.”
The soldiers nodded, and began backing up the hill, still firing, but not even making a dent.
Turbo snarled as his transport revved up and screeched away, up the hills of the Chatlands towards the temp base. The first blow had been struck in the war. He didn’t think it would be the last….

Reaper slammed his fist into the table as Major Turbo finished his report.
“ God damn it! I knew those two! Good regulars!”
Turbo remained rigidly at attention. Reaper sighed.
“ What’s the situation Major?”
Turbo glanced down at the map he held.
“ Newbies now hold a quarter of the Chatlands. We have a 10% average loss for every unit that has engaged them. They’re simply swamping us with numbers Sir. We’ll have pump more men into…”
“No.”
Turbo looked shocked.
“ Are you suggested we abandon the Chatlands sir?”
Reaper sighed again.
“ I don’t see any other alternative Major. The Council, in the face of the facts, has to accept the situation. I’ll put it before them immediately.”
Turbo saluted.

Goatboy leant back in his chair and sighed.
“ It seems that Major Turbo and Captain Stryke were correct in their assessment of the situation, Field Marshall Reaper. But your suggestion that we abandon our largest region is…”
” OUTRAGEOUS!” The councillor for the Chatlands – Shaneo – stood up. He quivered with indignity. “ The Chatlands is a highly valued part of The Federation.”
The councillor for Digiveridia stood, drawing his robes around him. His name was Vottenator, and he was a respected authority.
“The Chatlands are indeed a valued region. But we must assess this alongside the cost of regulars to defend it. We have already lost some experienced regulars. VemonByte, Mystique, CJC. Digiveridia can’t sustain much more losses before our private defence force is threatened. I move for a vote. To abandon the Chatlands?”
The vote was carried, as everyone except The Game regions and Shaneo voted for. He muttered angrily as he left the hall. Field Marshall Reaper nodded in approval to Vottenator, and left the hall himself.

“WHAT?”
Turbo sighed. He was addressing the whole 1st legion of the Army. The Chatland natives were taking the news badly.
“ That’s right Dav1d. The complete abandonment of the Chatlands. Effective immediately.”
Dav1d growled. A Chatland native and proud of it, he utterly resented this move. As did they all.
“ So let’s get moving. The civilians will need help moving out.”
Dav1d didn’t move. Turbo stared at him.
“ I gave you an ORDER, Sergeant Dav1d. Move!”
The Chatlander snarled and moved off. Turbo sighed and turned to Stryke.
“ I don’t like this.”
Stryke nodded.
“ Me neither. And Councillor Vottenator’s comments disturb me somewhat. He hinted at recalling Digiveridia’s armies. That includes me. You come from Prime. You don’t face this problem.”
Turbo clapped Stryke on the shoulder.
“ It’s a worrying time for all my friend. Look at the recent battlefield data. Carefully controlled strikes, organised attacks. It makes no sense for a rabble to be doing this. They would need a leader, or something.”
Stryke looked out of the window, suddenly remembering what Reaper had told him.
“ The Banned Ones.” He whispered.
“ What?” said Turbo.
“ I’ll explain later. You said there were leading regulars who had devoted their life to studying spam, and becoming practised in its ways. Would they know anything about the Wilderness?”
Turbo nodded.
“ Ye-es, probably. The one I know best is RastaBillySkank, Councillor for my home. His knowledge of Spam is unequalled among regulars. His Order of WLT is partly learned in it.”
Stryke nodded.
“ Then let’s go. We need his help.”
Turbo look bemused for a second, then shrugged, and followed.

“ The lore of Spam is a twisted and arcane practise. What makes you think any of my order will volunteer, or even be capable of such a mission as you ask?” RastaBillySkank faced the two soldiers, anger boiling in his eyes. Turbo stepped forward.
“ We aren’t accusing your Order as being collaborators, Rasta. I just need you to come with us, and help us.”
“ I cannot possibly leave this monastery. Prime needs me.”
” Rasta, the war needs this. I need knowledge of the Newbies, or all will be lost!”
Rasta chewed his lip thoughtfully.
“ I have a monk that might be of help. She is skilled in Newbie arts, and her knowledge of Spam is bettered only by mine. I shall release her to you.”
He clicked his fingers. A monk came hurrying up. She pulled her hood down.
“ This is Iguana. She will be of much used to you. Say hello, Iguana.”
“ J & ** brb, g2g // £ iguana@ gah”
Rasta chuckled.
“ She has just said hello in Spam. Isn’t that sweet?”
Turbo backed away a bit.
“ Yeah, real sweet. Come on ma’am.”
The three of them left the monastery in silence.

“ We need to know everything about the Banned Ones.” Said Turbo, as they drove across Prime to meet the army that had pulled back in the Game regions.
“ That’s restricted infor….”
“ Pull over.” He said to Stryke. Turbo whipped a gun from his side-holster.
” Look lady, I need your help, and I will have that help.” He levelled the gun at her forehead. “ Now, tell me about the banned Ones.”
She looked calmly back at Turbo, her eyes focused. Then she nodded, only a slight movement, and sat back. Turbo heaved a sigh of visible relief and nudged Stryke to drive.
“ The Banned Ones are a far more dangerous order than you could have ever believed. They have the skill and training of a regular, married to the savagery and raw aggression of a Newbie. They know the FOG, its customs, its warriors. They know when and where to strike. They’ll know who commands which legion, who are the most dangerous soldiers, where the weak link is. They can speak fluent English and Spam. They can blend into an unsuspecting crowd.”
Turbo grimaced.
“ We’ll have to take them out. Captain, I’ll have to commit a full squadron to…”
Iguana snorted.
“ You think the Banned Ones are that easy? They are guarding by an elite mob, the equivilent of our Notables. They are the JAT’s.”
“ JAT’s?”
“ The spamming elite. They speak a completely different dialect of Spam. No-one except the Banned Ones can speak it.”
Turbo slumped.
“ You make it sound impossible for us to get them.”
Iguana grinned haphazardly.
“ No, just difficult. A big assault won’t work. You’ll need a crack unit, five probably. Oh, and of course, one more thing.”
“ Who?”
Iguana grinned again.
“Me.”

Turbo strode into the camp and slammed his fist into Dav1d’s face.
“ Where ARE they?”
Dav1d reeled backwards.
“ I don’t have any idea what you….”
Turbo planted a uppercut on Dav1d’s chin and sent the soldier collapsing into a pile of maps.
“ Don’t lie to me, Chatlander. Weapons missing from the cache, Councillor Shaneo nowhere to be found, all the chatlanders except you disappeared. They’ve formed a resistance, haven’t they?”
Dav1d glared at Turbo.
“ Our home was forfeited to the invaders. We will not fight in an army that does that. Why should other states get protection before us? It’s not fair, it’s not right!”
Turbo paused in his assault.
“ Dav1d…”
But this was the opening the Chatlander had been looking for. Ducking under Turbo’s momentarily lax guard, he swung his boot into Turbo’s leg, and ran off into the gathering darkness. Turbo groaned. He turned angrily to Stryke.
“ This is NOT good! My legion is severely depleted. The 1st was heavily dependent on Chatlanders. I’m going to have to ask Reaper to transfer some troops.”
“ He won’t do it.” Retorted the captain.
“ What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“ Any more troops bled from a state army and the councillor won’t stand for it. We’ve got no choice but to consolidate our position.”
“ Hmm, you’re probably right. What can we do? Their already halfway across the Game states.”
Iguana stepped out of the shadows.
“ You can take out the Banned Ones.”
Both men jumped.
“ How the hell did you get in here?”
“ Ways and means. Listen, I have had access to army files. These are the men I think you should choose.”
She handed Turbo a list. He gaped at her.
“ Look, Abbot Rasta may have been reluctant to help, but if he chose to help, that’s what I’ll do.”
Turbo shook his head rapidly, and glared down at the list, then laughed.
“ What?” She looked curious.
“ You realise neither me nor my deputy are on this list? Look here, VemonByte. He’s been dead for a week, as has Seifer. These three, well, there not dead, but….”
“ But what?”
“ They’re Notables! No-ones seen hide nor hair of them since Grix took them into hiding weeks ago!”
Iguana shrugged.
“ The find them. The mission will not succeed without Ant’s hand-to-hand prowess or Wookiee’s strength or Grix’s technical knowledge.”
Turbo just stared. Iguana gave him a pert smile and left the room.

“ Please sir, I must know where the Notables are!” Turbo stood opposite a pacing Field Marshall Reaper, who sighed and face his subordinate.
“ Turbo, Grix trusted me with his location. This is a personal friend, Turbo.”
” This is a personal friend asking, sir. I need to know. It’s vital to the war effort and the co-operation of the WLT Order.”
Reaper sighed again.
“ He’s…. in Archive. A bunker there. You know the one. Turbo, this had better work. If not, the army has lost its last links with the Notables.”
He turned and walked out before Turbo could reply.

“ I’ll need you at the jeep in 15 minutes, ready to leave for Archive.”
” That’s a pretty long way away. I’ll pack extra guns.”
Turbo saluted and left. Stryke turned and began to pack up his meagre field possessions. Suddenly the door was opened, and a black-robed figure walked gracefully through. Stryke turned, gun half raised, then stammered and dropped the gun.
“ Councillor Vottenator sir. This is an honour…”
Vottenator nodded, a wry smile on his face. He seated himself on the one chair and folded his hands on his lap.
“ Captain Stryke. You are one of the highest ranking officers in the Digiveridia army. I trust what I am about to say can be regarded as confidential?”
Stryke nodded, suddenly curious.
“ The Council is not what it once was. I’m afraid of its decisions. You know that they are debating abandoning the Game Regions?”
Stryke gaped.
“ But, we’ve already left the Chatlands! We can’t afford to..”
” The Council believes that we must protect the Inner States. This movement is proposed by the Prime faction. Tony, as a Prime citizen, is influenced by this. Digiveridia’s Eastern border is joined to the Third Place of the Sony region. If the council passes this motion, I will have no choice but to…”
He paused and drew a deep breath. Stryke winced, dreading what was too come next.
“..but to recall the armies of Digiveridia.”
Stryke groaned.
“ No! We’ve already lost the Chatlanders to the resistance, and the Gamers in the army would surely join them. With the army seriously depleted, nothing would stop the invasion of all the states.”
” But with our armies, we could repel the invaders. Our main fortresses, Digital and Disc, could be reinforced. Do you not see how we can survive. This is…”
He broke off as a messenger ran in and whispered something to him. Vottenator nodded calmly.
“ The Council has voted. I myself voted previously. We will abandon the Game regions to spam. I am, of this moment, initiating Article 3 of our constitution. I recall all Digiveridia troops and armouries. Captain Stryke, collect your possessions, and summon our troops to the front of the camp in 10 minutes.”
He saluted. Stryke simply gaped.
“ I am making this an order, Captain Stryke.”
He saluted again, and held it until Stryke angrily returned it, then marched out.

Turbo rounded a corner and bumped into Stryke, who was fiercely marching towards the camp entrance, his kit slung over his shoulder, and a machine gun resting in a holster on his back.
“ Stryke what the..”
Stryke glared at Turbo.
“ I’m sorry. Councillor Vottenator has issued an emergency recall on our troops. I’m leaving. Now.”
“ You can’t leave. We have a mission to complete.”
” I have a homeland to protect and a reputation to preserve.”
“ You care more about your reputation than the FOG?”
Stryke looked down at his boots, then strode off. Turbo swore and yelled after him.
“ Stryke! You know what he’s doing is wrong! Stryke!”
Stryke just kept on walking, head down.

Turbo wrenched open the jeep door, slung his supplies into the back and slammed the door shut. He leapt into the driver’s seat and keyed the ignition furiously. Iguana, who was sitting calmly in one seat, raised a single eyebrow curiously. He turned to her, seething.
“ Don’t you DARE say calm down! So far in this war, I’ve lost good men and have had to abandon a state! Now a good proportion of my army and my second-in-command have gone! This is a situation I cannot control!”
He turned back to concentrate on the road, and in anger he slammed down on the accelerator. The jeep roared, and they set off towards Archive. Iguana leant back and folded her arms. She closed her eyes and folded her legs on the seat. She started to intone in a dull voice. Turbo snorted, and shook his head.
“ Don’t mock the ways of my Order, Major.”
He just shook his head again and focused on the road.

Stryke strode angrily through the corridors of the inner citadel of Digital – the main city of Digiveridia. He shoved open the large oak doors and entered the audience hall of Councillor Vottenator. The Councillor was talking to a few minor advisors.
“ WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?” yelled Stryke across the marbled room. He held up a national newspaper, across which the headline was splashed – COUNCIL VOTES EXTRA MEN AND SUPPLIES TO THE GAME REGIONS”. Vottenator sighed and waved a hand to the advisors, who duly vanished.
“ Captain Stryke, I hope you do not mean to…”
” Accuse you of lying to me? Using deception and trickery to recall my troops? Strange, because that’s exactly what I intend to do!”
Councillor Vottenator rose angrily, his robes swishing around him as he quickly descended from his plinth.
“ That is too far, Captain. I used the means I considered necessary to protect my home, and I would do it again. You may lead to armies of Digiveridia, but I command the government, and I will not tolerate you insulting me.”
Stryke paused, his breath laboured.
“ Quite the silver-tongued politican, aren’t you?”
Then he moved quickly, jabbing his palm upwards and into the jaw of Vottenator. The Councillor took the blow, and spun round to scythe the legs from under Stryke. He followed this up with a blow that sent the surprised soldier thudding into the marble. He then leant down.
“ I am quite the fighter too, Mr Stryke.” He emphasised the word Mr. He turned, and grabbed a phone, speaking quickly to security.
“ Consider yourself stripped of your rank and placed under arrest. I expected better of you Stryke. Command of our armies will be ceded directly to me.”
Stryke groggily sat up as security rushed in and seized him.
“ Councillor, you know this is not the right thing to do! Please, let me re-join the FOG army!”
Vottenator snorted, and turned away. Stryke tried to grab him, but felt a sharp impact to the skull, and darkness engulfed him.

Turbo slowed the jeep, looking around cautiously. Iguana sat up, emerging from her meditation.
“ We’re being watched.” She muttered.
“ I know. This is it. The Notables are here.”
She nodded, and reached back for her bag. She grabbed a handgun and quickly loaded and checked it. She caught a bemused look from Turbo.
“ What? Our Order is highly trained. In all manner of things.”
She span the gun round and held it outstretched, sighting on the trees. Turbo growled, stopped the jeep, and turned round to get his machine gun. Instead, he caught a brief glimpse of a camouflaged soldier, before he reeled backwards from a surprise blow and crashed his skull into the dashboard. As his eyes etruggled to stay open, he saw Iguana leaping out of the jeep, arms raised, gun already spent, ready to fight. Then he slumped down.

Vottenator grinned at Stryke as the soldier lay slumped in his cell.
“ This is what the unfaithful receive.”
Stryke struggled to his feet.
“ And what about the untrustworthy?”
“ Now, now Captain. That’s no way to speak to your leader is it?”
Vottenator opened the door and strode into the cell, an Uzi clutched under his arm. Stryke hurled himself forwards, but the chains leashing his arms to the wall snapped taut and he ground to a halt a foot from Vottenator.
“They are good chains, soldier.”
He spun the gun round and slapped Stryke across the face with the muzzle. The soldier staggered backwards and slid down the wall. Vottenator leant closer, teeth exposed, snarling.
“ You are nothing to me, Stryke.”
Stryke glanced up, eyes bloodshot. He grinned. The chance was there, waiting.
He took it.
He flipped backwards, kicking the gun soaring from the councillor’s hands. In the same movement he wrenched the chains from the wall.
“ Good chains, bad mortar.” He winked and whipped his arms round, sending the chains clattering into Vottenator, who fell backwards, the keys clinking as they slid towards Stryke. He shrugged, and undid his chains. Then he balanced himself lightly on his feet, arms extended into a fighting pose. He kicked the gun and it slid into a corner. Vottenator rose, discarding his cloak. Stryke grinned ferally.
“ No guards, no surprise. Just you and me, motherfunna. You spot the heat coming around the corner, and you walk away.”
He span, executing a snap-kick.
“ You didn’t walk away.”
Vottenator staggered backwards, then straightened. He shook his head to clear it, and leapt forwards. Stryke braced himself, and met the attack.

Turbo came to roped to a chair. Blurred figures were walking slowly in front of him.
“ I expected better from you, Major.”
Turbo groaned. The voice was familiar. He was groggy, barely conscious.
“ Wha?”
Someone grabbed him roughly and injected him with something. Figures swam into focus rapidly. Grix was standing in front of him, looking very not pleased.
“ Grix, I..”
Grix turned and smacked a fist into Turbo’s face.
“ YOU ARE COMPROMISING MY MEN!”
Turbo spat some blood onto the concrete floor, and glared defiantly back.
“ What are you hiding from, Grix?”
Grix paused, eyes wide with anger.
“ WHAT?”
“ You heard me. The whole of FOG needs you, and you cower here in some cold bunker…”
“ Don’t you think of..”
“ like the rats you are! Now are you going to help me or not?”
Grix kicked the chair hard, sending Turbo flying backwards. He crashed to floor, then Grix was kneeling by him, a gun pressed to Turbo’s temple.
“ Give me one, ONE, good reason why I shouldn’t kill you.”
Turbo grunted in pain, then a teargas canister filled the bunker. Turbo blinked, and closed his eyes. Grix span backwards, hand pressed firmly over his mouth, gun raised, searching out an opponent. Then Iguana blurred through the haze, cart-wheeling over the fallen Turbo, and imbedding her feet in Grix’s wrist. He grunted in pain and reflexively dropped the gun. Iguana span, grabbed the gun and twisted the staggering Grix’s arm behind his back. She raised the gun to his temple.
“ NO BODY MOVES!”
Sniper froze, his rifle halfway from behind his back. Er-no dropped the knife he had been holding in throwing position. The teargas cleared to reveal a circle of notables around Iguana, Turbo and Grix.
“ Ok, me and Mr Thraves here are going into this room for a little chat. NO-ONE touches Turbo. That includes you furball.” She directed this last comment at Wookiee, who had been inching forward. She threw Grix into the room and locked the door behind her.

Vottenator flew backwards out of the cell, tripping and crashing into a brick wall. The guards on either side snapped their rifles into place, but the fallen Vottenator shook his head.
“ Get out. Clear the sanctum.”
“ But sir…”
” That was an order man. GET OUT!”
The guards hesitated for a moment, then backed down the corridor. Stryke emerged from the cell, fists clenched.
“ Doing the honourable thing Councillor? Not like you at all.”
Vottenator curled his lip.
“ I want the satisfaction of killing you myself Stryke.”
He launched himself upwards, battering away at Stryke’s torso. Stryke was anticipating the blows, meeting them, and launching his own. But Vottenator had risen through the ranks to become Councillor. He knew unarmed combat. He met Stryke’s attacks, and slowly forced the younger man backwards, through the marble corridors of the inner sanctum. Stryke was slowly, but surely being beaten back. Vottenator knew this, and was intent on pressing his advantage. Stryke looked around, searching for a weapon. Vottenator grunted, and launched himself into the air, placing a dropkick on Stryke’s chest. The sudden impact sent the soldier staggering backwards, and through a gothic window. Stryke grasped wildy around him, and at the last second latched onto the iron corner of the frame. He glanced downwards, at least 60 feet, to the cobbled courtyard. He gulped and scrabbled at the stonework, which offered no hold. Vottenator strolled up slowly.
“ Every man has a death-wish Stryke. It is your turn to make a choice. Do you die by your own hands, or by mine?”
He smirked, hands reaching slowly towards the one hand that kept Stryke in this world. Stryke took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Seconds before Vottenator reached his hand, Stryke let go and pushed upwards with his feet. He span around, in split seconds, to grab a firmer grip with his hand. He exhaled sharply as the impact of what he had just done hit him. He kicked outwards, sending Vottenator reeling backwards. Then he swung himself in and launched his attack. Blow after blow rained in on the councillor, keeping him on the backfoot, forcing him towards the stairs. Vottenator spat, blood leaking from his split lip. He hesitated at the edge of the stairs, then ran up them moments before a roundhouse from Stryke connected with thin air. Stryke cursed as he almost overbalanced, then sprinted up the stairs after Vottenator. He ran on, round and round the spiral stairs for what seemed an age, then suddenly he emerged, panting, onto a beautiful scene. He was at the top of a tower, with a view over spanning miles and miles of the FOG. He gasped at the beauty, then a red-hot pain erupted from his lower back as Vottenator’s boot connected with his spine. He fell to his knees, and rolled over just in time for the boot to smash into his ribs, splintering two. Stryke screamed in pain, and staggered to his feet, one arm tearing at the ribs. Blood was already staining his clothes. Vottenator slid inwards, grabbing the arm and twisting it. Stryke screamed again as bones ground together. Vottenator twisted cruelly one more time, and threw the soldier to the ground. Stryke crashed into the ramparts, blood making an expanding cloud on his shirt. Vottenator raised a fist in triumph.
“ Now you die Stryke.”
He raised a boot. Stryke made one-last effort. He raised his hands quickly, grabbing the boot as it descended. He gave a short, sharp twist, and winced as he heard bone snap. Vottenator cried out and fell backwards. Stryke rose to his feet, gasping with the pain. He walked slowly over to the hunched councillor, who shied backwards.
“ What you going to do? Your arm is broken. I’ll give you this chance. Walk away and I won’t come chasing.”
Stryke didn’t answer. He walked towards the ramparts and glanced casually over. Builders were erecting huge wooden spikes around the tower, an attempt at protection for when the Newbie armies came. He nodded slightly. Then he walked back to the councillor. He looked at his injured arm, then landed a stinging uppercut to Vottenator with it.
“ The arms hurt.”
He landed another blow, forcing the councillor backwards towards the ramprt.
“ It’s not broken.”
Then he span, smashing a heel into the councillor’s chest, caving in his rib-cage. The impact sent the councillor over the ramparts, and he began to fall. Then Stryke quickly grabbed his tunic, holding him hanging, over the spikes. Vottenator sobbed at the pain, sweat pouring down his face.
“ You wouldn’t! Murder? You? You’re not capable!”
Stryke hesitated. He glanced backwards, over the beautiful visage of the FOG. In that second, Vottenator pulled a knife from his boot, and stabbed it down towards Stryke’s neck. Stryke grabbed the wrist, twisted, and sent the blade straight into Vottenator’s shoulder. He yelled in pain. Stryke leant closer, his mouth centimetres from Vottenator’s ears.
“ Every man has a death-wish Vottenator. Only you have no choice. You die at my hands.”
Vottenator’s eyes widened.
“ For Digiveridia, Stryke?”
Stryke grinned.
“ For me.”
He let go.

Grix emerged, visibly shaken. The Notables stood around, weapons tight against shoulders.
“ OK, drop them lads. They…they are our friends.”
The Notables glanced at each other, puzzled. But a basic respect for their leader was ingrained in their personalities, and they dropped them. Griz face them, pale.
“ Wookiee, Ant, you’re with me. The rest of you, I’m placing Sniper in direct command. I want you to report directly to Reaper at Sony Base Command. No questions, do it. Wookiee, Ant – arm up for a Type Beta Mission.”
Iguana stepped out of the room, dragged Turbo from the floor and strode out to the jeep. Grix stared after her. He nudged Turbo.
“ Some woman you’ve got there!”
Turbo grinned.
“ She’s not mine.”
Grix tried hard not to look interested. He hummed to himself, then marched off to load up on supplies. Turbo grinned again and walked out to the jeep.

They were at the Chatland borders. Everyone in the party was armoured and supplied. Turbo strode to the front of the group.
“ I want to make this clear. Although each of you Notables outranks me, I have direct control of this mission. Agent Iguana is my second-in-command. This is a dangerous mission. I do not expect us all to come out alive. You have all read the briefing. I will fill in the details. This is not a fact-finding mission. This is a simple kill. We are penetrating deep into the Newbie ranks, into the Wilderness if necessary. We do not stop. This is a do-or-die mission. We are there to kill the Banned One inner circle. Now, Grix knows the name of each one. He is going to give a briefing. I will introduce the replacements I have brought. To replace Stryke, I have a seasoned regular by the name of Wildlight. Also, Field Marshall Reaper is along. He has emergency powers. Grix?”
Grix nodded and strode to the centre of the circle.
“ Target Alpha – The Dogfather. Most recent addition. Be careful people. This one’s vicious.
Target Beta – Seifer. Banned a while ago. Ultimate in armed combat.
Target Gamma – Quiksilver. A cunning leader. We believe he masterminded the primary invasion.
Target Omega – Whooo. Watch this one. Likes ranged combat.
Target Prime – The Inner Circle Leader. We have no specific information. There is every possibility he is not even technically banned. He may still be among the regulars. We hope to gain information on this trip.”
Grix nodded to Turbo.
“ Let’s go people. We need to be through the front line soon.”

They crept silently through the Chatlands.
“ Gods, this place is desolate.”
Turbo nodded, glancing around. Trees were leafless – burned hulks. The ground was scorched. Skeletons were scattered on the ground. Turbo looked disgusted.
“This is…”
” Ssssh!”
Iguana was creeping forward, her handgun in her hand.
“ I thought I heard someth….”
Suddenly patches of earth erupted all around them. Massive, tattooed newbies climbed out, screaming in Spam. Turbo recoiled, stumbling into Reaper and taking both of them down. But they weren’t needed. The Notables went into action immediately. Wookiee roared, and grabbed both arms of the nearest newbie, yanking them out of the sockets easily. The newbie screamed in pain until Iguana pumped a circle of bullets into its forehead. Grix had snapped his machine gun up into firing position immediately and had dropped three newbies already. Ant, though small, had run silently to the nearest newbie group. Two were already lying on the ground, necks broken, and Ant was setting to work on the third. By the time Turbo was on his feet it was all over. Grix cheered.
“ Is that the best you can DO?” he yelled over the Chatlands. Turbo grinned, and turned to face Grix. Then his smile died. He pointed faintly to behind them.
“ Um, I think that is.”
Grix pivoted on his heels, slowly.
A host of newbies stood there, silently. Grix gulped. Turbo backed away.
“ RUN!”
They plunged deeper into the Chatlands, as the newbies rose a hellish warcry.
“ Full spread, rotating circles!” yelled Turbo, and they span, firing containment fire into the Newbies. Iguana ran faster, casting her eyes about for any means of escape.
“ We’re dead, we’re effing dead!” yelled Wildlight, eyes wide.
“ No we’re not!” said Iguana, still searching.
“ WELL I’M NOT GOING DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT!” shrieked Wildlight, turning, pulling a grenade from his bag.
“ Andy, NO!” said Iguana. He ignored her and plunged forward.
“ Get the Banned Ones. Save FOG!”
He ran deeper into the Newbie ranks, gun blazing. They turned their eyes forward. Seconds later a muffled blast rang out, and the deathcries of newbies and the smell of scorched flesh surrounded them. Turbo gulped, and set off in a new direction, deeper into Chatlands.

They kept at a steady pace all night, distancing themselves. Turbo murmered to himself constantly.
“ One man down, one man down…”
Iguana cast her eyes over, a worried look in them.
“ You couldn’t do anything. Andy sacrificed his life to save ours.”
Turbo nodded glumly. Grix ran up to his side, eyes sharp.
“ There’s something I think you should see sir.”
Turbo nodded, and followed the Notable to the edge of a ridge. Grix pointed downwards. There was a camp, several tents, and many armoured jeeps. Turbo glanced questioningly up at Grix.
” Newbies?”
“ No, this is much more advanced than they are capable of. This looks FOG made.”

“ How right you are.”
An unfamiliar voice came from behind them. They both spun, weapons raised, to behold a veritable army of regulars in plain black uniforms, lacking insignia. A jeep was parked to one side, with a regular standing by the rear-mounted chain-gun. The rest of the team was off to one side, surrounded by the same grim faced soldiers. Iguana glanced at Turbo sorrowfully. He growled, and spun around as a man in long black robes emerged from the rank. Both Grix and Turbo gaped.
“Shaneo?” Turbo questioned.
“ Yes. I am Shaneo, and I lead the Chatland Resistance. What are you doing here, you cowards?”
“ Shaneo, please…” started Turbo.
” Don’t question me Major! I contributed to the FOG army, and you deserted me in our time of need! Now I have taken our fate into my own hands. We have driven the Newbies away from this section.”
“ Councillor, listen to me.” Grix stepped forward, and Shaneo stopped. “ We are on a mission that could secure the freedom of the Chatlands. We intend to take out the highest leadership of the newbies. I ask for your support.”

Shaneo seemd ready to hit Grix, then hesitated. He tilted his head to one side, thinking.
“ You have definite targets? Skills? A plan?”
Grix nodded to each of the points. Shaneo sighed.
“ So be it. Come down to the camp. I’ll show you our maps of the area.”
Grix smiled in thanks, and Shaneo waved a hand, releasing the prisoners. Then he set off for the camp. Iguana looked at Grix in admiration. Turbo noticed this and gritted his teeth.

“ We have a fix on high concentration of newbies here, at Pontest Ridge.”
Shaneo stabbed a finger down at an area of thick contours.
“ We believe this is where they issue commands from. No-one has seen their leaders.”
Grix nodded.
“ I have. Look, can you give us an armoured jeep?”
“ Yes, but just the one. My supplies are patchy at times.”
“ Right. We’d better set out ASAP. How soon can the jeep be ready?”
“ It’s ready now. We have to keep everything ready to move at all times.”
Grix nodded his approval. Shaneo folded the map, then straightened.
“ I’m coming with you.”
“ What?” exclaimed Turbo.
“ I’m coming with you.” Repeated Shaneo. “ You need someone with knowledge of the land if you’re going to succeed.”
Grix looked unsure. Turbo, however, agreed.
“ You’re with us, just…”
Suddenly a klaxon blared throughout the camp. Shaneo swore.
“ Newbies. Plently of ‘em. This is bad.”
Turbo snarled, and grabbed his machine gun.
“ We’ll help!”
“ No you won’t!” said Shaneo firmly. “ You’ll get out of here as soon as possible. All of you, and me. Our mission is paramount. DAV1D!”
The ex-soldier Dav1d appeared, looking surly.
“ Sir?”
“ Defense, not running. I need to get away safely with the men.”
Dav1d nodded, and left, bawling orders left and right. Explosions began to shatter the silence of the night air. Turbo grabbed Shaneo’s arm.
“ I can’t ask you to sacrifice your men.”
” Then don’t. We will do what is necessary. Don’t worry Major. My men can handle themselves.”
They ran swiftly to the jeep. Iguana was already loading equipment into it, Ant and Wookiee standing guard. Reaper was crouched at the gun platform, aware.
“ Lets go people!” yelled Turbo. The jeep roared, and they smashed away into the desert. Iguana looked back mournfully, as waves of newbies ran towards the camp. Turbo squeezed her hand in comfort.
“ They’ll be OK.”
Iguana tried to smile, but it was a pitiful attempt. Turbo smiled at her, then focused on the distant rise of Pontest Ridge.

They crept silently up the side of the ridge, crawling. As they reached the edge noise washed over them. Turbo clenched his fist, then waved two fingers to his left, then two to his right. Wookiee and Reaper crawled to the right, while Ant and Grix went left. Turbo nodded to Iguana, who smiled back. They went onwards, silently, searching for the first view of the enemy they sought.
“ Je-SUS!” exclaimed Turbo softly, as they cleared the mound. A horrific sight greeted them. The Banned One council. They were grouped around a huge purple fire, mumbling to each other in Spam. They were clothed in huge black robes, with hoods that obscured their faces. Turbo gulped. He felt Iguana’s breath on his ear. He shivered, despite the warmth.
“ Just four?” he questioned. Iguana raised her eyebrows, curious. Then she shrugged, and reached over her shoulder. She pulled a sniper rifle from her case. This time Turbo raised his eyebrows.
“ Pink?”
Iguana grinned, and levelled her pink sniper rifle at the head of the nearest Banned One. Just as she pulled the trigger, an audible snap rang through the air, and the Banned Ones scattered. Iguana’s bullet zinged off the rock ground. She cursed, threw the rifle down, and charged. Turbo leapt to his feet, and yelled a war-cry. From ten metres away Grix and Ant charged, but there was no sign of Wookiee or Reaper. Turbo aimed a circular round of bullets at the head of the nearest Banned One, who moved with cat-like agility and dodged the bullets. A harsh cry rent the air. Iguana yelled at Turbo.
“ That’s Spam! It’s a message from the leader! He must be around here somewhere!”
Turbo growled, and leapt in at the Banned One, who removed his hood.
“ I am Quiksilver! Prepare to die, regular!” it hissed. Turbo slammed his fist into the Banned One’s stomach, but it leapt and flicked out a foot casually. Turbo felt the impact, and smashed onto his back. He gulped as the Banned One hissed in joy and withdrew two curved daggers from his belt. He crouched to leap, and Turbo closed his eyes, dreading what was to come. Then a salvo of bullets thudded into Quiksilver’s side, and the Banned One erupted with purple blood, falling, dead before it hit the ground. Grix grinned as he ran up, extending a hand to Turbo. Turbo grinned as well as Grix hefted him up. Then he faltered. He pointed to behind Grix. They turned.
Iguana was locked into combat with Whooo. She was on the back-foot, being forced back to the cliff edge. She was battling bravely, but the Banned Ones had superhuman strength and mystical swiftness. Whooo snarled, showing long fangs. He yelled in Spam, unaware that Iguana could understand him. She grinned, and dropped to the ground, now knowing Whooo had a gun concealed in his boot. She ripped it out, and pointed it upwards at him. He glanced down, angry.
“ You’re banned.” She shot him twice in the leg, dropping him to one knee. He howled in pain. She rolled away, stood up, and drop-kicked him in the back. Whooo tumbled forward, blood streaming from his leg, and plunged howling over the clifftop. She spat after him. Grix and Turbo smiled in admiration, then looked at each other, and then looked away. Then they gasped. A body hit the floor. Wookiee’s. The head was at such an angle that he could be nothing but dead. Ant paused in his demolition of Seifer.
“ EVERYONE! STOP! NOW!”
They shrank back as a figure slowly descended the slope.
“ I’m afraid I’m going to have to call an end to the proceedings.”
They all looked horrified. Target Prime – The Banned One leader, was here, and he had killed Wookiee. They looked shocked.
“ You?” asked Turbo, in shock.

“Yes, me.” Said Reaper. He strolled casually down, stepping on the corpse of Wookiee as he did. He glanced down.
“ This scum was beneath me.”
He twisted his heel. Ant roared in anger, and charged at Reaper, who gave a cool smile and faced him. Ant snap-kicked at Reaper, but the traitor spun too quickly. He grabbed Ant from behind, lifted him, and brought him down onto his knee. The whole crowd heard the snap of Ant’s spine. Grix groaned softly as the lifeless corpse was thrown to the ground. Reaper spat on it. Grix threw himself forward, but Turbo grabbed him.
“ Nothing can be gained by sacrificing yourself.”
Grix struggled against the grip, and Iguana helped.
“ Grix, please!” she said quickly. Grix looked at her, then relented. He was breathing heavily, and glared at Reaper.
“ Now, Now, Notable.”
He rushed at Grix, and planted a huge uppercut to his jaw. Grix thudded backwards, and lay moaning on the ground. Reaper snorted.
“ So this is the best FOG has to offer? Pitiful.”
He turned to face them.
“ You shall all…”
“ Hey, traitor!”
Reaper paused, and glanced upwards. Shaneo was standing by the mounted gun, pointing it straight at Reaper.
“ Dodge this.”
Reaper snarled.
Shaneo fired, the roar of the chain-gun echoing around the canyon. Reaper moved with unnatural speed, flipping behind a rock milliseconds before the bullets chewed into the stone he had been standing in on. Shaneo grinned in happiness as rocks splintered and earth exploded. He was gaining his revenge on those who had taken his home from him. He saw the rock Reaper was hiding behind shatter. He roared in triumph. His victory was seconds away. Then he felt a sharp pain from his midriff. His fingers fell from the trigger as he felt the sharp spike of metal protruding from his stomach. He glanced around, weakly, to see Dogfather standing behind him, gloating in the death. Shaneo felt his blood soak his tunic. Then he fell, as Dogfather twisted the spike.
Reaper emerged, brow furrowed.
“ Well, that was rather unsettling, wasn’t it?”
Iguana threw her hand upwards, the gun still clutched in it. Reaper’s eyes widened, and he threw himself into a speedy roll across the floor. He ducked behind another rock. Iguana turned to Turbo.
“ GO!”
“ No, we all stay together…”
“ GO, NOW! Please!”
“ I won’t leave you…”
“ Look at my eyes, Turbo.”
He fell silent, staring at Iguana. He looked deep into her hazel eyes, captivated by them. Then he realised her beauty. He raised a hand, caressing her cheek softly. She smiled ruefully.
“ Iguana, I…” he started. She held a finger to her lips, and shook her head slowly. Then She reached up towards his head, pulling him into a deep kiss. For Turbo, it lasted an eternity. Then she was pulling away. He clasped her hand as she ran, and she turned to him, her eyes wide, then her fingers slid through his, and she ran at Seifer, kicking him down. Then she turned. Reaper was emerging, smiling coldly. She levelled the gun, and pulled the trigger. A small click. He smiled, and closed on her. Turbo helped Grix to his feet and ran, staring backwards as Reaper and Iguana circled each other, cat-like. Then he had cleared the ridge, and clenched his eyes shut, tears flooding down his cheeks, and tried to ignore it as the screams began. He ran onwards into the night.

It was two days later. Turbo sat in the base bar, staring blankly at his drink. He had loved her. He knew that now. He couldn’t stop hearing her scream. She was dead. He knew it. He shut his eyes again, ignoring the situation.
“ ON YOUR FEET, SOLDIER!”
Turbo automatically jumped to his feet, then swayed and almost collapsed. Grix ran down the hall, catching Turbo. He helped the drunken major to a seat.
“ Listen to me, Major. She’s gone, and you can’t bring her back by drinking yourself to death! I need you. Haven’t you heard? The council has voted for a full-scale attack on the Newbies, in retaliation to the news of a huge army moving down from the Wilderness. Turbo – This is it. The significant battle. The Councillors are bringing their armies down. We will meet them on the plains, tomorrow, at dawn. Turbo, we need you!”
Turbo grunted, and took another swig from his bottle. Grix sat back, and waved a hand towards the door.
” If I can’t convince you, maybe your friend can.”
Grix strode away, and a figure took his place. Turbo glanced upwards, groggily.
“ Captain Stryke?”
His vision swam.
“ That’s Major Stryke now, Turbo.”
Then he hit Turbo hard, between the eyes. The shock jolted Turbo into awareness.
“ What do you think you’re doing, in some run-down bar?” yelled Stryke.
Turbo glanced up at his friend.
“ You alright man, you’re covered in bruises!”
Stryke winced.
“ I’d rather not say. You, on the other hand, are the new Field Marshall of FOG, if you sober up. You need this. The FOG needs you.”
Turbo shook his head.
“ Not without her.”
” Yes, without bloody her! You have to face the fact that you’ve lost her. She’s not coming back.”
Then Stryke grabbed Turbo by the collar, and dragged him from the bar.
“ What are you doing? Put me down soldier!”
Stryke abruptly dropped him. Turbo looked up. Thousands upon thousands of regulars saluted, arrayed rank after rank on the grass. At the front, Grix saluted, the Notables arrayed behind him. The Council stood off to one side, at attention.
“ You going to let these people down, Field Marshall? They believe in you. I believe in you. And most of all, she believed in you.”
Turbo snarled, and straightened up.
“ You are an annoyance, you know that, Stryke?”
“ Yes sir!”
“ I’m not doing this because of you, you understand?”
“ Yes sir!”
” And…..thanks.”
“ Yes sir!”

Turbo tapped various points on the map with his finger.
“ Here, and here – I want elite squads. Grix, that means the Notables. Take the second best squad from the regulars. I want a pincer movement when they come down into the plains. The main body will be made up of the Digiverida army under Major Stryke, Prime army under my control, and the Life army controlled by Goatboy. Understood? Then move out.”
Turbo grabbed the arm of a tall councillor.
“ Councillor Insomnia?”
The new councillor for Digiveridia smiled down at Turbo.
“ Yes?”
“ I need to thank you for sparing Stryke’s life. Especially after he….”
“ Killed the last chancellor?” said Insomnia. “ Yes, I’m hoping he won’t do that to me.”
Turbo smiled.
“ Yes, I hear they’re still cleaning up after Vottenator.”
“ Mmm. Yes, the courtyard will never be the same.”
” Councillor, is Stryke alright?”
Insomnia frowned.
“ He’s a little beat up. He respected Vottenator. The truth of it was he didn’t want to kill him. But he’ll be alright.I’ll be fighting beside him.”
“ Excuse me? You’ll be fighting?”
” Hell yes!”
Turbo gaped, and Insomnia swept out of tent.

The fog swirled around the plains, swathing the battlefield in water. Out of this cloud, the newbies crept, weapons clutched in either hand, teeth grinding. The FOG Army was standing, calm and ready. Turbo was standing motionless at the beginning of the line, swinging a sword in his hand.
“ Hold…” He murmured. Stryke and Goatboy stood to either side of him, clutching swords and guns. They looked nervously at each other, waiting for the signal.
Then Reaper emerged through the mob, covering in ancient war tattoos, twin axes swinging slowly from his hands. He snarled, raising his axes above his head. He roared a war-cry. The FOG army backed off slightly. The Newbies howled the cry, beating their weapons together. Then Reaper swivelled the axes forward to point at Turbo. On either side of him a Banned One emerged. Goatboy frowned at Dogfather squared off in front of him, and Stryke stared in shock as Whooo pushed his way through the mob, a long scar tracing its way from chin to ear. He gulped as Whooo drew twin scimitars from scabbards on his back. Reaper roared again, and as one the Newbies charged. Turbo dropped to one knee, swinging a machine gun from behind him. The front rank did likewise.
“ ON ME! FIRE!”
A massive roar erupted from the FOG ranks as whole clouds of bullets chewed into the newbies. Reaper shouted his defiance to the skies, running faster still, closing on Turbo. Turbo dropped his gun, and drew his sword.
“ DRAW SWORDS! ON ME, ENGAGE!”
Turbo swirled his sword round and round. He braced his feet, combat-ready. His army did likewise. He grinned, and swung as the waves of newbies smashed into the FOGers, driving them backwards.

Turbo roared in anger, cutting into newbie after newbie. He had lost Reaper in the melee, as both sides incurred massive locks. He parried a blow from an elite JAT, smashed the hilt of his sword into its nose, ands swung his second sword into its stomach. He pulled out just in time to kick a newbie in the leg, dropping him the ey-level. A quick stab and another foe fell. He looked around nervously.
“ Where are the Notables?” he roared to Stryke, but the major was nowhere to be found.

Stryke circled his foe warily, keeping his sword up in guard position. Whooo hissed in anger, brandishing his weapons.
“ You dead!” Yelled Stryke.
“ So are YOU!” retorted Whooo. He charged, his weapons head high. Stryke spun into the attack, his weapon clashing with the Banned One’s. Whooo shoved his face inches from Stryke’s, howling in Spam.
“ I don’t speak your scum language.”
” I speak your language, regular. It’s a dead language, extinct.”
Stryke grunted. Slowly but surely, Whooo was forcing Stryke’s own blade back towards his face. Then Whooo swept Stryk’e legs from under him, his blade flying from his hand. Whooo hissed in triumph, the sword-tip tracing a thin line of blood over Stryke’s throat.
“ It is over, regular.”
Stryke kicked up harshly, sending Whooo backwards. He raised a hand to his throat, felling the scar that would form. His eyes flashed with anger. Stryke inched towards his blade, hand scrabbling in the dirt. Then Whooo charged again. Stryke yelled in fear, and leapt for his sword. He grabbed it and spun upwards, blade ripping through the tissue of Whooo’s shoulder. Whooo screamed in pain, purple blood leaking down Stryke’s blade. Stryke got to his feet, raising his other blade.
“ Now I finish what Iguana started.”
Then a mob of newbies appeared behind Whooo, dragging him from the blade. Stryke shouted in anger, and pushed forward after Whooo, but Newbies rushed at him. Stryke howled, and spun, caving in one’s skull. He looked up, but Whooo was far from him.
“ THIS ISN’T OVER! YOU HEAR ME!”
Whooo screamed in defiance. Stryke raised his hand to trace the scar Whooo had given him.

Turbo swilled again, cutting deep into the skull of a newbie, then clenching his eyes shut as blood fountained over him. He leapt into the air, cleaving a rib-cage open. Then an impact rocked into him. He crashed down into the mud, and he span, but his swords were lying somewhere…
He glanced wearily around. Bodies were strewn everywhere, regular and newbie. As he watched, a friend called Aliboy hacked an elite JAT to pieces, before turning and kicking another to the ground. But there were too much. Aliboy went under, as newbies swarmed him. Turbo groaned. He lay back in the mud, as newbies circled him. One raised a bone club, ready to cave Turbo’s skull in. But a rain of bullets thudded into it, sending it crashing to the ground. More bullets rained around him.
“ Give ‘em golden hell boys!”
Grix’s voice rang out loud and clear through the mob. His Notables came charging through the newbies, cutting down great chunks of newbie flesh. Notables streamed by every side, as Grix stopped to help Turbo up.
“ Reaper’s slunk off somewhere.”
That was his only comment, as he let forth a cry and brained a newbie with his rifle muzzle.
Turbo staggered over to his swords, suddenly alone. The battle had moved away to the east, leaving him stranded.
“ You are beneath me, scum.” A voice breezed through the emptiness. Turbo span, gun raised, eyes searching. He was bathed in sweat. Somewhere among the wreckage…
“ Sir!” Stryke and Goatboy ran up, swords waving. “ Watch out, Reaper is….”
Suddenly Reaper reared up from behind Goatboy. The councillor turned, but not quick enough. Reaper grabbed his head and viciously twisted it. Goatboy’s eyes rolled up in his head, and he slumped to the ground. Stryke swung back his sword for a killing blow, but Reaper slid in under his guard, and crunched the soldier’s wrist. Stryke screamed, and dropped the sword. Reaper caught it overhand, and stabbed it deep into Stryke’s leg, who went white, and keeled over backwards into the mud. Reaper raised his gun, ready to pour a full round into the helpless soldier’s head.
Turbo made to run forward, then a loud “ STOP!” rang out. Reaper turned, and saw a hooded monk emerging from a battered jeep. He nodded to Turbo, then pulled back his hood.
“ Rasta!” he exclaimed. Reaper sneered.
“ Already I have beaten one of your Order. Now I must kill the Head?” He snorted.
“ So be it. Ready yourself monk.”
Rasta knelt, removing his cowl. He whispered to Turbo.
“ I do this to save one of my Order. Find her behind the first foothill. Be quick. She still lives.”
Turbo gaped, his eyes wide. Could it be? She was. He grabbed Rasta’s arm, thanks bubbling from his lips. But Rasta simply nodded.
“ Tell Grix….I am sorry. He was right. I was a politician. This I cannot allow.”
He moved towards Reaper, arms held outwards in a martial arts pose.
“ I’m going to enjoy this.” Reaper smirked. Rasta had his eyes closed, standing feet away from Reaper. Turbo glanced back, then ran, ran flat out for the foothill, praying Rasta wasn’t stoned and was telling the truth.

Reaper lashed out suddenly, at Rasta, his fist clenched. Rasta’s eyes snapped open, and he easily dodged the blow. He rolled over on the floor, whirling his legs about. Reaper felt a sharp impact behind his kneecaps, and he pitched forward into the mud, but he managed to turn it into a roll. He had barely got to his feet when Rasta landed a flurry of blows to his torso, driving Reaper backwards in a daze. Reaper blinked. Rasta was moving faster then he could see.
“ What the?”
“ I have the inner power of WLT.”
Reaper nodded. He had gained the slight slowing he needed. His hands darted outwards, grabbing Rasta’s ankle. He pushed, sending the monk off balance, and flying backwards. Reaper took advantage of the momentum change to launch his attack, blow after blow. But it made no difference. Rasta jumped easily over Reaper, and had drop-kicked him before Reaper even turned. Reaper’s head was ground into the mud, and he quickly rolled to side seconds before Rasta’s knee crashed into the mud. He faced Rasta for a second, but then the mercurial fighter vanished. Reaper glanced about, but then he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he was thrown backwards. Rasta slowed, and landed a massive uppercut to the staggering Reaper, who splashed backwards into the dirt. He looked up groggily at RBS, blood leaking from his nose.
“ So, only now do you see Reaper. You chose, and you chose wrong.”
Reaper laughed manically, his hoarse tones grating. RBS looked inquisitive.
“ I didn’t come alone.”
Seifer crashed into the side of Rasta, knocking him to the floor. Reaper was up in a heartbeat, running flat out for the foothill

Badgerman wrote:
> I take it 'the banned' lot were all Shaneo?

--

As I said, it was written before Shaneo got banned. Quiksilver was one of MJ's banning, Dogfather was Mr Nice Guy's first nick before he got banned. The other ones are just regulars.

I couldn't be bothered to read it...

but I copy and pasted it on to word and it's 18 page long..

on size 10!!!!!

I take it 'the banned' lot were all Shaneo?

This story is now available in paper back priced £19.99

Can I answer that after the election?

Do you have a problem with newbies stryke.

It's a slur on my fine name.

Lol..ah well, at least I can plot some sort of revenge in our own stories now..

[19:36:22] * Stryke takes Andi to bed
[16:35:57] I had a 60 yr old guy

How did they get there?

Yes. She kisses Turbonutter. Reaper got annoyed, don't ask me why.

Note: Write sex scence into Newbie Menace 3

Go on! Read it!

Read it for Gaz!

Or read it because I kiss Rob in it, whichever.

There's blood and swords and evildudes and stuff.