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"Poor Games Characters"

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Tue 17/12/02 at 17:40
Regular
Posts: 787
G’day maite I’m Rolf Harris and this is the special Christmas edition of ‘Virtual hospital’. A few months ago Pokèmon were all the range coming in different shapes and sizes, but now with the craze gone the RSPCC (Royal society for the prevention of cruelty to characters) are finding abandoned little critters all over the place.

Rolf walks into a little pen where a ‘Pikachu’ is cowered in a corner it’s fur slightly worn.

This poor little fella’ was found in ‘Pallet Town’ discarded when the owner hit the big time. His fur has gone from when he has tried to pick off fleas, his belly has swollen from lack of food and he is very ill. With the help of the RSPCC he is slowly regaining health.

Rolf picks up the Pikachu.

Hello little fella (The Pikachu bites Rolf on the nose) WHY YOU LITTLE! Uh I mean ‘Poor little thing those years of abuse have scarred him for life’ (He looks at the Pikachu with malice)

Games characters suffer from this kind of abuse all the time whether it be physical or mental abuse…

(Rolf goes over to a cage with a little ‘Pidgey’ in it)

This little fella was treated like dirt by it’s owner, it was daily told ‘It was rubbish’ and ‘Would never defeat a fly’. This kind of mental abuse went on for years and when finally the critter escaped he went on a mad rampage of ‘Fly Killings’. With the help of ‘Pokemon rehab’ he has been soothed back to saneness. Cases like this come to us all the time and really sadden a lot of the workers.(Putting the Pokèmon down) But not all of the patients here have been abandoned we have a few in the casualty ward with self-inflicted injuries.

He walks into a ward with four beds, and approaches the first on. (Picking up the board at the end and leafing through the notes) Oh deary me this poor fella was blinded in a freak Yoshi accident it would appear the citric acid has blinded him. He is called Mario and may well have ruined his chances of ever making another game. The accident came about simply enough after clearing his reputation by apprehending the real criminal behind the Delphino Isle defacing, in a mad celebration he rode a Yoshi as fast as he could and in a cry of pain the Yoshi shot juice in his eyes. (Shakes head) Poor little fella.

(Rolf reads the next sheet) Name: L. Croft Condition: Severe pneumonia caused by cold temperatures. Now it appears this young Sheila has had too many adventures in just a crop top and jeans. Her condition was diagnosed after she was resurrected and swam through a pool of water, after getting out she ran around for a while and instead of getting dry got pneumonia! It truly goes to show that although it looks nice it’s not clever!

Here we have young Sonic who after skating down a large hill fell off and landed on his back severing his spinal cord, leaving him totally paralysed from the neck down. (Moving towards Sonic) G’day little fella how are you (sonic continues to doze) I SAID WAKE UP! (Sonic waked up with a start) "What what! YOU CAN’T PROVE ANYTHING!" (Rolf looks shocked but gets over it) It’s Ok mate we know what you’ve been through.(In a whisper) The fall also caused a little brain damage. (Sonic looks at him with malice) "I AINT NO RABBIT! AND YOUM BETTER GIVE ME THOSE DUCKS BACK!!" (Rolf humours him) Ok little buddy we’ll get those nice people in a minute. (a smile crosses Sonic’s face) "Hehe they gave me happy pills and I feel all better" (Rolf backs away slowly)

(The camera cuts and Rolf is at a different bed)

Now now then what have we got here! Ah our old pal Donkey Kong is finally beaten. It would appear that years of barrel lifting have caused him to go in to a state of deep coma. Lifting barrels for a living can be a strenuous job and throwing them more-so. The pressure of pumping out consistently good games and keeping his aim accurate is a tough thing to do and as you see breakdowns are a common occurrence.

(Rolf walks into a separate room and whispers) Now this is our only human patient and he has been severely injured. He is a powerful person and yet hated at the same time Ok so this could be because he is homosexual and scared to admit it, he is money crazy or he is just a weird geek, but does anyone really deserve thin (He lifts the sheet to show Bill Gates with a broken nose and black eyes) (Someone in the crew shouts that he does deserve it) Quiet you! Any way onto my final thought.

(Rolf walks into a room with a chair and sits with glasses and his knees crossed not at all unlike Jerry Springer) As you can see gaming a strenuous hobby but an even more exhausting job, treat all of your characters with respect and we’ll all be a lot better off.See ya next time and now its goodbye from me... and goodbye from Pikachu (He picks up Pikachu and starts to move his mouth in time to his words "Goodbye sonnys")(Rolf giggles as camera fades away)


(Note from author) GAMES CHARACTERS ARE FOR LIFE NOT JUST FOR CHRISTMAS (severe look)
Wed 18/12/02 at 16:38
Posts: 0
But it was Ok.
Wed 18/12/02 at 16:37
Posts: 0
I don't think it will GAD because I have done better and not won.
Tue 17/12/02 at 17:43
Regular
"Uh? *Cough*"
Posts: 15
Heh good post there mate, made me laugh anyway!
Tue 17/12/02 at 17:40
Regular
"Beaten with sticks"
Posts: 638
G’day maite I’m Rolf Harris and this is the special Christmas edition of ‘Virtual hospital’. A few months ago Pokèmon were all the range coming in different shapes and sizes, but now with the craze gone the RSPCC (Royal society for the prevention of cruelty to characters) are finding abandoned little critters all over the place.

Rolf walks into a little pen where a ‘Pikachu’ is cowered in a corner it’s fur slightly worn.

This poor little fella’ was found in ‘Pallet Town’ discarded when the owner hit the big time. His fur has gone from when he has tried to pick off fleas, his belly has swollen from lack of food and he is very ill. With the help of the RSPCC he is slowly regaining health.

Rolf picks up the Pikachu.

Hello little fella (The Pikachu bites Rolf on the nose) WHY YOU LITTLE! Uh I mean ‘Poor little thing those years of abuse have scarred him for life’ (He looks at the Pikachu with malice)

Games characters suffer from this kind of abuse all the time whether it be physical or mental abuse…

(Rolf goes over to a cage with a little ‘Pidgey’ in it)

This little fella was treated like dirt by it’s owner, it was daily told ‘It was rubbish’ and ‘Would never defeat a fly’. This kind of mental abuse went on for years and when finally the critter escaped he went on a mad rampage of ‘Fly Killings’. With the help of ‘Pokemon rehab’ he has been soothed back to saneness. Cases like this come to us all the time and really sadden a lot of the workers.(Putting the Pokèmon down) But not all of the patients here have been abandoned we have a few in the casualty ward with self-inflicted injuries.

He walks into a ward with four beds, and approaches the first on. (Picking up the board at the end and leafing through the notes) Oh deary me this poor fella was blinded in a freak Yoshi accident it would appear the citric acid has blinded him. He is called Mario and may well have ruined his chances of ever making another game. The accident came about simply enough after clearing his reputation by apprehending the real criminal behind the Delphino Isle defacing, in a mad celebration he rode a Yoshi as fast as he could and in a cry of pain the Yoshi shot juice in his eyes. (Shakes head) Poor little fella.

(Rolf reads the next sheet) Name: L. Croft Condition: Severe pneumonia caused by cold temperatures. Now it appears this young Sheila has had too many adventures in just a crop top and jeans. Her condition was diagnosed after she was resurrected and swam through a pool of water, after getting out she ran around for a while and instead of getting dry got pneumonia! It truly goes to show that although it looks nice it’s not clever!

Here we have young Sonic who after skating down a large hill fell off and landed on his back severing his spinal cord, leaving him totally paralysed from the neck down. (Moving towards Sonic) G’day little fella how are you (sonic continues to doze) I SAID WAKE UP! (Sonic waked up with a start) "What what! YOU CAN’T PROVE ANYTHING!" (Rolf looks shocked but gets over it) It’s Ok mate we know what you’ve been through.(In a whisper) The fall also caused a little brain damage. (Sonic looks at him with malice) "I AINT NO RABBIT! AND YOUM BETTER GIVE ME THOSE DUCKS BACK!!" (Rolf humours him) Ok little buddy we’ll get those nice people in a minute. (a smile crosses Sonic’s face) "Hehe they gave me happy pills and I feel all better" (Rolf backs away slowly)

(The camera cuts and Rolf is at a different bed)

Now now then what have we got here! Ah our old pal Donkey Kong is finally beaten. It would appear that years of barrel lifting have caused him to go in to a state of deep coma. Lifting barrels for a living can be a strenuous job and throwing them more-so. The pressure of pumping out consistently good games and keeping his aim accurate is a tough thing to do and as you see breakdowns are a common occurrence.

(Rolf walks into a separate room and whispers) Now this is our only human patient and he has been severely injured. He is a powerful person and yet hated at the same time Ok so this could be because he is homosexual and scared to admit it, he is money crazy or he is just a weird geek, but does anyone really deserve thin (He lifts the sheet to show Bill Gates with a broken nose and black eyes) (Someone in the crew shouts that he does deserve it) Quiet you! Any way onto my final thought.

(Rolf walks into a room with a chair and sits with glasses and his knees crossed not at all unlike Jerry Springer) As you can see gaming a strenuous hobby but an even more exhausting job, treat all of your characters with respect and we’ll all be a lot better off.See ya next time and now its goodbye from me... and goodbye from Pikachu (He picks up Pikachu and starts to move his mouth in time to his words "Goodbye sonnys")(Rolf giggles as camera fades away)


(Note from author) GAMES CHARACTERS ARE FOR LIFE NOT JUST FOR CHRISTMAS (severe look)

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