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I hope you like them
LESSONS I HAVE LEARNED.
I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just a**holes.
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I’ve learned that you can get on by charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better have a big d**k or huge t**s.(I'm not sure whether those words are allowed here so I bleeped 'em out)
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others-they are more derranged up then you think.
I’ve learned that you can keep puking long after you think you’re finished.
I’ve learned that we are responsible for everything that we do-unless we are celebrities.
I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, once it fades there had better be a lot of money to replace it.
I’ve learned that the people you least expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones who do.
I’ve learned that we don’t have to ditch bad friends-their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.
I’ve learned that no matter how hard you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.
I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken away from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
I’ve learned to say “Sod ‘em if they can’t take a joke,” in six languages.
WORDS OF WISDOM
Words of wisdom from the Zen master:
1.Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
2.The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt.
3.It’s always the darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbour’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
4.Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.
5.Noone is listening until you make a mistake.
6.Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7.It may be your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
8.If you think nobody cares that you’re alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
9.Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
10.If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
11.Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
12.If you lend someone £20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
13.Don’t squat with spurs on.
14.If you tell the truth, you won’t have to remember anything.
15.Somedays you’re the fly, some days you are the windscreen.
16.Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
17.The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
18.A closed mouth gathers no foot.
19.Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
20.Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
LESSONS I HAVE LEARNED.
I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just a**holes.
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I’ve learned that you can get on by charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better have a big d**k or huge t**s.(I'm not sure whether those words are allowed here so I bleeped 'em out)
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others-they are more derranged up then you think.
I’ve learned that you can keep puking long after you think you’re finished.
I’ve learned that we are responsible for everything that we do-unless we are celebrities.
I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, once it fades there had better be a lot of money to replace it.
I’ve learned that the people you least expect to kick you when you’re down will be the ones who do.
I’ve learned that we don’t have to ditch bad friends-their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.
I’ve learned that no matter how hard you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.
I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken away from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
I’ve learned to say “Sod ‘em if they can’t take a joke,” in six languages.
WORDS OF WISDOM
Words of wisdom from the Zen master:
1.Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
2.The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt.
3.It’s always the darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbour’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
4.Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.
5.Noone is listening until you make a mistake.
6.Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7.It may be your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
8.If you think nobody cares that you’re alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
9.Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
10.If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
11.Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
12.If you lend someone £20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
13.Don’t squat with spurs on.
14.If you tell the truth, you won’t have to remember anything.
15.Somedays you’re the fly, some days you are the windscreen.
16.Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
17.The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
18.A closed mouth gathers no foot.
19.Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
20.Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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Oh there's plenty time for that!
Little Hedgehog wrote:
> I'm not a he,I'm a she.
Sorry for being so fussy.
Oh I'm sorry.
So am I - a she that is.
> I'm not a he,I'm a she.
Sorry for being so fussy.
Oh I'm sorry.
So am I - a she that is.
"Witty, profound, disturbing!
Little Hedgehog leads the reader on a journey through his personal experience and lightly twisted mind!"
That's what's written on the back of the book.
Little Hedgehog leads the reader on a journey through his personal experience and lightly twisted mind!"
That's what's written on the back of the book.
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