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What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
Close the door
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When do you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.
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How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.
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Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.
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What are a woman's four favourite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in
the bedroom, and an ass, to pay for it all.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
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Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
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What did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
What did God say after she made Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
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What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.
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What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? They're married.
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Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
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What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
A widower.
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Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says "So she would love you."
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 days ?
He wouldn't ask for directions
Close the door
+ + + + + + + + + + +
When do you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.
+ + + + + + + + + +
How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
What are a woman's four favourite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in
the bedroom, and an ass, to pay for it all.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
What did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
What did God say after she made Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
+ + + + + + + + + + +
What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? They're married.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
A widower.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says "So she would love you."
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 days ?
He wouldn't ask for directions
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated, and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
Who was the survivor? (Scroll down for the answer.)
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. Men keep scrolling.
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, it illustrates another point: Women never listen either.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated, and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
Who was the survivor? (Scroll down for the answer.)
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. Men keep scrolling.
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, it illustrates another point: Women never listen either.
Is wookiee a girl, cos' otherwise he wouldn't be bad-mouthing myself?
What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
Close the door
+ + + + + + + + + + +
When do you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.
+ + + + + + + + + +
How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
What are a woman's four favourite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in
the bedroom, and an ass, to pay for it all.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
What did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
What did God say after she made Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
+ + + + + + + + + + +
What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? They're married.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
A widower.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says "So she would love you."
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 days ?
He wouldn't ask for directions
Close the door
+ + + + + + + + + + +
When do you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.
+ + + + + + + + + +
How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
What are a woman's four favourite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in
the bedroom, and an ass, to pay for it all.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
What did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
What did God say after she made Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
+ + + + + + + + + + +
What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? They're married.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
A widower.
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says "So she would love you."
+ + + + + + + + + + +
Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 days ?
He wouldn't ask for directions