Viewing Thread:
"Unsafe Toys. A Pressing Issue(spoof)"

Sniper= I’m Sniper and your tuned into the ICUP news.

“Sniper flashes a fake smile at the camera”

Sniper= Today we have a pressing issue about something that shocked many this Christmas season. Unsafe toys for children!

“Sniper holds up a dart”

Sniper= This might just be an ordinary throwing dart for a friendly game of Darts but if used improperly and thrown at other children, this is a tool of destruction!!! With us today as a special guest is Asher D, the inventor of some of the most dangerous child toys on earth! Asher D what do you have to say about this issue!!!

Asher D= Oh, you saw that issue of Naughty Girls Monthly too!!!

Sniper= Wrong kind of issue…

Asher D= Oh…

Sniper= That issue of Naughty Girls Monthly was awesome though.

Asher D= True.

Sniper= Lets move along

“Asher D and Sniper walk over to a long table with countless toys”

Sniper= Okay the first toy that is unsafe for children is this microwave with no door. As the kids cook invisible radiation shoots out of the microwave and harms their internal organs. Asher D what is an explanation for this!

Asher D= This is a perfectly safe toy, I really have no idea what your talking about. When you were a kid didn’t you stare at your microwave while your waffle cooked?

Sniper= Well yea…

Asher D= So this is just a child’s dream to go into the action!

Sniper= Okay, you might have a sort good explanation for that toy but how about this next one. It’s Barbie’s suppose new boyfriend called Rebel Man Rick and if you press a button on his head sharp, knifes come out of his sides.

Asher D= This is an educational toy. It teaches young girls or some little boys to not date people called Rick. If they scratch up there hands a little by holding Rick it’s their problem. Okay lets just move on and see this toy here. I have no idea why someone would think this is unsafe. It is fun for the whole family and it’s great to play outdoors. Its design is flawless and kids seem to love it.

Sniper= Asher D that toy is just a huge bag of broken glass…….HOW IS THAT NOT UNSAFE!!!!

Asher D= The Bag-O-Glass is on of my best products and you have no right to discriminate against it!!! It even has a warning label on it just for protective parents. The warning reads “WARNING may have broken glass inside”…….

Sniper= But that’s all it is….a huge bag of glass!

Asher D= Genius isn’t it.

Sniper=…

Asher D= I have a multitude of toys of the Bag-O genre. There’s the Bag-O-Rusty Nails, The Bag-O-Dirty Needles and of course the Bag-O-Toxic Acid. Great right?

Sniper= Yea, if you want to kill half of the child population. Whatever happened to the old fashion teddy bear?

Asher D= But I have made a teddy bear toy. It’s called Teddy Tear. Isn’t it cute!

Sniper= Asher D……..that is a chainsaw with a bear face drawn on it….

Asher D= Hey!!! Don’t criticize my art!!!

Sniper= Sorry it’s time for a commercial break. When we return we will have a child test one of Mr. D’s toys and see if it’s all he says it is….



Woman= Hello all I’m Wanda Stripes and I love to go out and eat Mexican food. But I can’t due to a problem of mine.



Woman= When you have a problem with bowl moments such as diarrhea just have a simple tablet of “Oh That Makes It Flow Good”. With the help of Oh That Makes It Flow Good I can eat spicy foods until I burst. Never again will I feel like my bum has been possessed by that devil.



Woman’s Voice= Would you prefer this…

“First toilet flushes”

Woman’s Voice= Or this….

“Second toilet overflows”

Woman’s Voice= Thanks for your time. And remember that only one tablet of Oh That Makes It Flow Good is all you need for those pesky problems.



“Asher D and Sniper are standing next to a small child”

Sniper= Hello we’re back. And with us today we have a little product helper.

Asher D= Lets just begin. Open your hands little girl.

Sniper= Um….That’s a boy….

Asher D= If you say so. Open your hands little boy.

“The little boy cups his hands”

Asher D= You will be testing on one of my most popular products. The Spike Ball of Fun.

“Asher D picks up a foam ball with needles sprouting from it from every side and place’s it on the boy’s hands”

Little Boy= AHHHHHHHHHHHH MOMMY!!

“The little boy runs off crying”

Asher D= See Sniper, he is running straight to his mom to tell her what he wants for her next birthday.

Sniper= That was a boy….

Asher D= Whatever.

Sniper= Why don’t you make any of these nice toys that are on the table right here? They’re sweet and simple. Not dangerous at all. Just try to find something unsafe about these alphabet blocks.

“Asher D picks up one of the blocks”

Asher D= Ow ow ow, SPLINTER!! AWWW!

Sniper= You know you faked that…well how about this bouncy rubber ball. Even a faker like you couldn’t find something wrong with it.

“Asher D picks up the ball and shoves it in this mouth”

Asher D= I’m…..choke….ing!!!

“Asher D punches himself in the stomach and the ball flies out of his mouth and into Sniper’s eye”

Sniper= …….Tell me why I shouldn’t kill you…..

Asher D= Because we are on national television….

Sniper= Wait outside after the show!!!

Asher D= Oh, you’re going to buy me lunch. I didn’t think you cared Snipy….

“Asher D smiles politely while Sniper gives a grim look”

Sniper= How can someone strip the joy out of children on Christmas like you do!! You make me sick. You waste a tiny bit of money to make toys like Bag-O-Glass and sell it for an absurd amount of money!!

Asher D= At least I’m rich from selling them….

Sniper= And also why do you…….hey…..you ARE rich. Good point. Um, so Asher D can you work for me and give me some ideas to make money.

Asher D= Uh….no.

Sniper= I’ll give you all the cheese crackers you could eat…

Asher D= I’M IN!!!!!

Sniper= Wooh! With your talent………..and me taking advantage of your talent. We will be unstoppable!!! Now turn that camera off!!!!

“Sniper picks up the Teddy Tear and starts to walk toward the screen”





THE END

Drunk

Hey drunk cow this is Billy and i think that was the most hilarious thing i've ever read seriously

Drunk Cow wrote:
> J-42 wrote:
> Yay!
>
> Finally! I have a sacrofice for my God!
>
> Not quite sure what i typed then.
>
> "gives J-42 a I'm Loved sticker"

So are you my brother, so are you.

(Your not really)

I don't think I commented when I read it but very funny read

Just read it, pretty funny indeed.

J-42 wrote:
> Yay!
>
> Finally! I have a sacrofice for my God!
>
> Not quite sure what i typed then.

"gives J-42 a I'm Loved sticker"

Yay!

Finally! I have a sacrofice for my God!

Not quite sure what i typed then.

"cough" Okay...

YOU RULE J-42

Oh, no thank for me!

Thanks dude.

Great spoof Drunk Cow.