The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
So the new year's coming and it can only mean one thing - an excuse for the entire population of Britain to get completly wasted. Thats right, you might have thought that the new year was a celebration of a new time cometh and an old one past, but in fact it's been scientifically proven that Carlsburg invented the new year in 1906 to shamefully sell more alcohol. Infact, other alcohol companys see profits increase by 358% at the end of each year whilst the older (I don't advise underage drinking kids - your parants go mad when they find out) folks are getting a few litres beyond being failry merry.
You'd think that eveyone's a winner at such a joyous time...but you'd be wrong and I'd thank you not to think that again. Us gamers (the ones that are over 18 anyway) go through the same rigmarole year in and year out: We have a few drinks, talk to people you've never met before, reaquint ourselves with our stomach contents and then we stumble home for a quick session on the good old comp. Then disaster strikes; after 10 minutes of opening the case and another 15 minutes putting the disc on the little tray, you realise that you was to drunk to notice what game you just put in. You whimper a little bit, you know you can't sacrifice another 30 minutes fumbling through the games and it's too much effort to find the case and read the cover, you'll just have to go ahead and play this mystery game.
Fear not though, help is at hand for I have seen into the future (well i know new year's coming so its the same thing) and have taken precautions to help us all. Here is a simple list of 10 steps that allow you to identify what game your playing just by following the descriptions, easy! All you have to do is, pre-drinkin session, print this neat little form of, blue-tac it to your desired console and when you stumble in for a bout of gaiming you'll know what your playing by following the steps. Ok, the numbers in square brackets tell you which question to go to next, its that simple! Now let the chaos begin:
1. Can you see your character? YES [Goto: 3] NO [Goto: 5]
2. Is there an ST-11 assult rifle poking out the right hand corner of the screen? YES [A] NO [7]
3. Do your surroundings consist of fast cars, gun totting ganstas and prostitutes? YES [6] NO [2]
4. Are there several meaingless dials and controls with flashing lights and beeping noises scattered around the screen? YES [H] NO [9]
5. Is the year, in-game, 2313 or at least in the future where aliens threaten the exsistence of makind? YES [2] NO [4]
6. Have you yet to get home to actually play a game and instead are standing, drunkingly, in the centre of London? YES [D] NO [B]
7. Did you just pick up a 'Mace of Indesirable Thwaking +4 vs. Ghenava Ice Trolls'?? YES [C] NO [8]
8. Did you just gather '700 gold' only to spend it on 50 foot soliders to watch them march into an enemy encampment where bullets were frantically exhanged?? YES [E] NO [I]
9. Did you just spend a huge wad of cash improving your team/theme park/house? YES [F] NO [10]
10. Are you sitting at home with your Nana watching her drink Snowballs whilst Big Ben depresingly ticks away on the telly? YES [G] NO [8]
A. Don't panic! Your playing a 1st person shooter.
B. If you are playing a game, then its a crime 'em up. Something like GTA: Vice City or The Getaway.
C. Ah-ha! Your Playing an RPG.
D. I'm affraid you a bit confused as how to use this list. If you in London in the middle of the night, its best to hurry home before something bad happens to the way you walk....
E. Yep, Your playing a RTS or Real Time Stratagy for the non-geeks...something like Command & Conqueror.
F. Your playing a managment game...something like Championship Manager or The Sims.
G. I'm afraid this was another year were you stayed in and thought about how bad the next year will be, nevermind eh?
H. Your playing a simulator game, like Microsoft Flight Simulator or the Train Simulator equivilant.
I. Your playing a Beat 'em up, nice choice.
There you go, now you can play with confidance that at least you know what game it is your playing! Hurrah!
Have a Happy New Year, from mikelar.
x x x
DISCLAIMER: There is a problem in that if you too drunk to notice what game you've put in, you haven't got half a chance at making your way through the list. Nevermind, just get a friend to stay sober and he'll read you the instructions for you, oooh yes.
You'd think that eveyone's a winner at such a joyous time...but you'd be wrong and I'd thank you not to think that again. Us gamers (the ones that are over 18 anyway) go through the same rigmarole year in and year out: We have a few drinks, talk to people you've never met before, reaquint ourselves with our stomach contents and then we stumble home for a quick session on the good old comp. Then disaster strikes; after 10 minutes of opening the case and another 15 minutes putting the disc on the little tray, you realise that you was to drunk to notice what game you just put in. You whimper a little bit, you know you can't sacrifice another 30 minutes fumbling through the games and it's too much effort to find the case and read the cover, you'll just have to go ahead and play this mystery game.
Fear not though, help is at hand for I have seen into the future (well i know new year's coming so its the same thing) and have taken precautions to help us all. Here is a simple list of 10 steps that allow you to identify what game your playing just by following the descriptions, easy! All you have to do is, pre-drinkin session, print this neat little form of, blue-tac it to your desired console and when you stumble in for a bout of gaiming you'll know what your playing by following the steps. Ok, the numbers in square brackets tell you which question to go to next, its that simple! Now let the chaos begin:
1. Can you see your character? YES [Goto: 3] NO [Goto: 5]
2. Is there an ST-11 assult rifle poking out the right hand corner of the screen? YES [A] NO [7]
3. Do your surroundings consist of fast cars, gun totting ganstas and prostitutes? YES [6] NO [2]
4. Are there several meaingless dials and controls with flashing lights and beeping noises scattered around the screen? YES [H] NO [9]
5. Is the year, in-game, 2313 or at least in the future where aliens threaten the exsistence of makind? YES [2] NO [4]
6. Have you yet to get home to actually play a game and instead are standing, drunkingly, in the centre of London? YES [D] NO [B]
7. Did you just pick up a 'Mace of Indesirable Thwaking +4 vs. Ghenava Ice Trolls'?? YES [C] NO [8]
8. Did you just gather '700 gold' only to spend it on 50 foot soliders to watch them march into an enemy encampment where bullets were frantically exhanged?? YES [E] NO [I]
9. Did you just spend a huge wad of cash improving your team/theme park/house? YES [F] NO [10]
10. Are you sitting at home with your Nana watching her drink Snowballs whilst Big Ben depresingly ticks away on the telly? YES [G] NO [8]
A. Don't panic! Your playing a 1st person shooter.
B. If you are playing a game, then its a crime 'em up. Something like GTA: Vice City or The Getaway.
C. Ah-ha! Your Playing an RPG.
D. I'm affraid you a bit confused as how to use this list. If you in London in the middle of the night, its best to hurry home before something bad happens to the way you walk....
E. Yep, Your playing a RTS or Real Time Stratagy for the non-geeks...something like Command & Conqueror.
F. Your playing a managment game...something like Championship Manager or The Sims.
G. I'm afraid this was another year were you stayed in and thought about how bad the next year will be, nevermind eh?
H. Your playing a simulator game, like Microsoft Flight Simulator or the Train Simulator equivilant.
I. Your playing a Beat 'em up, nice choice.
There you go, now you can play with confidance that at least you know what game it is your playing! Hurrah!
Have a Happy New Year, from mikelar.
x x x
DISCLAIMER: There is a problem in that if you too drunk to notice what game you've put in, you haven't got half a chance at making your way through the list. Nevermind, just get a friend to stay sober and he'll read you the instructions for you, oooh yes.
Thats quite good that is.
So the new year's coming and it can only mean one thing - an excuse for the entire population of Britain to get completly wasted. Thats right, you might have thought that the new year was a celebration of a new time cometh and an old one past, but in fact it's been scientifically proven that Carlsburg invented the new year in 1906 to shamefully sell more alcohol. Infact, other alcohol companys see profits increase by 358% at the end of each year whilst the older (I don't advise underage drinking kids - your parants go mad when they find out) folks are getting a few litres beyond being failry merry.
You'd think that eveyone's a winner at such a joyous time...but you'd be wrong and I'd thank you not to think that again. Us gamers (the ones that are over 18 anyway) go through the same rigmarole year in and year out: We have a few drinks, talk to people you've never met before, reaquint ourselves with our stomach contents and then we stumble home for a quick session on the good old comp. Then disaster strikes; after 10 minutes of opening the case and another 15 minutes putting the disc on the little tray, you realise that you was to drunk to notice what game you just put in. You whimper a little bit, you know you can't sacrifice another 30 minutes fumbling through the games and it's too much effort to find the case and read the cover, you'll just have to go ahead and play this mystery game.
Fear not though, help is at hand for I have seen into the future (well i know new year's coming so its the same thing) and have taken precautions to help us all. Here is a simple list of 10 steps that allow you to identify what game your playing just by following the descriptions, easy! All you have to do is, pre-drinkin session, print this neat little form of, blue-tac it to your desired console and when you stumble in for a bout of gaiming you'll know what your playing by following the steps. Ok, the numbers in square brackets tell you which question to go to next, its that simple! Now let the chaos begin:
1. Can you see your character? YES [Goto: 3] NO [Goto: 5]
2. Is there an ST-11 assult rifle poking out the right hand corner of the screen? YES [A] NO [7]
3. Do your surroundings consist of fast cars, gun totting ganstas and prostitutes? YES [6] NO [2]
4. Are there several meaingless dials and controls with flashing lights and beeping noises scattered around the screen? YES [H] NO [9]
5. Is the year, in-game, 2313 or at least in the future where aliens threaten the exsistence of makind? YES [2] NO [4]
6. Have you yet to get home to actually play a game and instead are standing, drunkingly, in the centre of London? YES [D] NO [B]
7. Did you just pick up a 'Mace of Indesirable Thwaking +4 vs. Ghenava Ice Trolls'?? YES [C] NO [8]
8. Did you just gather '700 gold' only to spend it on 50 foot soliders to watch them march into an enemy encampment where bullets were frantically exhanged?? YES [E] NO [I]
9. Did you just spend a huge wad of cash improving your team/theme park/house? YES [F] NO [10]
10. Are you sitting at home with your Nana watching her drink Snowballs whilst Big Ben depresingly ticks away on the telly? YES [G] NO [8]
A. Don't panic! Your playing a 1st person shooter.
B. If you are playing a game, then its a crime 'em up. Something like GTA: Vice City or The Getaway.
C. Ah-ha! Your Playing an RPG.
D. I'm affraid you a bit confused as how to use this list. If you in London in the middle of the night, its best to hurry home before something bad happens to the way you walk....
E. Yep, Your playing a RTS or Real Time Stratagy for the non-geeks...something like Command & Conqueror.
F. Your playing a managment game...something like Championship Manager or The Sims.
G. I'm afraid this was another year were you stayed in and thought about how bad the next year will be, nevermind eh?
H. Your playing a simulator game, like Microsoft Flight Simulator or the Train Simulator equivilant.
I. Your playing a Beat 'em up, nice choice.
There you go, now you can play with confidance that at least you know what game it is your playing! Hurrah!
Have a Happy New Year, from mikelar.
x x x
DISCLAIMER: There is a problem in that if you too drunk to notice what game you've put in, you haven't got half a chance at making your way through the list. Nevermind, just get a friend to stay sober and he'll read you the instructions for you, oooh yes.
You'd think that eveyone's a winner at such a joyous time...but you'd be wrong and I'd thank you not to think that again. Us gamers (the ones that are over 18 anyway) go through the same rigmarole year in and year out: We have a few drinks, talk to people you've never met before, reaquint ourselves with our stomach contents and then we stumble home for a quick session on the good old comp. Then disaster strikes; after 10 minutes of opening the case and another 15 minutes putting the disc on the little tray, you realise that you was to drunk to notice what game you just put in. You whimper a little bit, you know you can't sacrifice another 30 minutes fumbling through the games and it's too much effort to find the case and read the cover, you'll just have to go ahead and play this mystery game.
Fear not though, help is at hand for I have seen into the future (well i know new year's coming so its the same thing) and have taken precautions to help us all. Here is a simple list of 10 steps that allow you to identify what game your playing just by following the descriptions, easy! All you have to do is, pre-drinkin session, print this neat little form of, blue-tac it to your desired console and when you stumble in for a bout of gaiming you'll know what your playing by following the steps. Ok, the numbers in square brackets tell you which question to go to next, its that simple! Now let the chaos begin:
1. Can you see your character? YES [Goto: 3] NO [Goto: 5]
2. Is there an ST-11 assult rifle poking out the right hand corner of the screen? YES [A] NO [7]
3. Do your surroundings consist of fast cars, gun totting ganstas and prostitutes? YES [6] NO [2]
4. Are there several meaingless dials and controls with flashing lights and beeping noises scattered around the screen? YES [H] NO [9]
5. Is the year, in-game, 2313 or at least in the future where aliens threaten the exsistence of makind? YES [2] NO [4]
6. Have you yet to get home to actually play a game and instead are standing, drunkingly, in the centre of London? YES [D] NO [B]
7. Did you just pick up a 'Mace of Indesirable Thwaking +4 vs. Ghenava Ice Trolls'?? YES [C] NO [8]
8. Did you just gather '700 gold' only to spend it on 50 foot soliders to watch them march into an enemy encampment where bullets were frantically exhanged?? YES [E] NO [I]
9. Did you just spend a huge wad of cash improving your team/theme park/house? YES [F] NO [10]
10. Are you sitting at home with your Nana watching her drink Snowballs whilst Big Ben depresingly ticks away on the telly? YES [G] NO [8]
A. Don't panic! Your playing a 1st person shooter.
B. If you are playing a game, then its a crime 'em up. Something like GTA: Vice City or The Getaway.
C. Ah-ha! Your Playing an RPG.
D. I'm affraid you a bit confused as how to use this list. If you in London in the middle of the night, its best to hurry home before something bad happens to the way you walk....
E. Yep, Your playing a RTS or Real Time Stratagy for the non-geeks...something like Command & Conqueror.
F. Your playing a managment game...something like Championship Manager or The Sims.
G. I'm afraid this was another year were you stayed in and thought about how bad the next year will be, nevermind eh?
H. Your playing a simulator game, like Microsoft Flight Simulator or the Train Simulator equivilant.
I. Your playing a Beat 'em up, nice choice.
There you go, now you can play with confidance that at least you know what game it is your playing! Hurrah!
Have a Happy New Year, from mikelar.
x x x
DISCLAIMER: There is a problem in that if you too drunk to notice what game you've put in, you haven't got half a chance at making your way through the list. Nevermind, just get a friend to stay sober and he'll read you the instructions for you, oooh yes.