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The year is 3000. Commercialism as we know it is dead. All of the competition has been beaten into the ground, or, to be exact, crystallised by laser guns and put into cute little pots for their family members to mourn at. But that’s beside the point. Ahem. Only one commercial company remains to rule the earth in the year 3000, and that’s Microsoft. However, Bill Gates is long since dead, after many attempts to cryogenically freeze his body, but keep his brain alive went awry…
2025
“Sir, please step into this portal.”
“Is it me or is that the holodeck?”
“Oh yes, my mistake, sorry sir. Please step into THIS portal.”
And so Bill took his stride into the cryogenic chamber. Everything seemed to be going to plan until the freezing process got to 56% and through the roof of the building flew several men in black, one on top of them all, the other five below him presumably being a cushion for this seemingly important man. He removes his face to reveal himself to the shocked Microsoft onlookers.
“Miyamoto! How did you get past the anti-aircraft rockets?”
“Qui mama todo y sacrabrere sadact yshdi yoshibastado!”
“Can we please have a translation?”
:::I had to quite literally jump out of the plane when the rocket was coming at us. I used these five Nintendo operatives as cushions. Oh, and this X-Box was an excellent cushion. Too bad it’s broken now:::
“He said all that?”
:::Yes:::
“The translator can talk?”
:::Yes I can:::
“Shut up!”
:::Why?:::
“Guards!”
BANG!
:::You shot me! You shot me right in the arm!:::
BANG!
:::Ouch! What did you do that fo:::
BANG!
“Anyway, Miyamoto, what the hell are you doing here?”
“A si a questamanyaya sacrai tuinea es gayoheado sacreotuben!”
“Why the hell did we kill the translator!?”
And with that, using a broken X-Box as a shield and weapon, Miyamoto fends off the Microsoft guards by deflecting their crystallisation rays back into their own faces. Miyamoto runs over to the cryogenic tank and aborts the freezing process at 99%.
BANG! SHHHHHH.
…only to be crystallised a tenth of a second later.
After all this carnage, Bill Gates was dead, due to the aborted freezing process and Miyamoto was also dead. After many attempts from Nintendo fifth column sympathisers, Nintendo were able to obtain Miyamoto’s DNA structure and return it back to Nintendo’s (sort of) HQ…
2050
We are in a lab. There are two scientists.
“Great Scott!”
“What doc?”
He was a doctor; by the way, this is not a cheap rip-off of a 1985 futuristic movie. Well, it is, but that’s not the point…
“I’ve got the DNA structure. Now we need to go back!”
“Back where?”
“Back to the future!”
“Er…don’t you mean back to the past, doc?”
“Yeah, whatever…just get to the time machine.”
Yep, it was a fridge, no silver De’laurier with time circuits. Just a fridge. With a flux capacitor, of course.
“Let’s go!”
And with a flash, we were back in 2025 again. Talk about a word count boost or what, eh?
2025
“Sir, please step into this portal.”
“Is it me or is that the holodeck?”
“Oh yes, my mistake, sorry sir. Please step into THIS portal.”
And so Bill took his stride into the cryogenic chamber. Everything seemed to be going to plan until the freezing process got to 56% and through the roof of the building flew several men in black, one on top of them all, the other five below him presumably being a cushion for this seemingly important man. He removes his face to reveal himself to the shocked Microsoft onlookers.
“Miyamoto! How did you get past the anti-aircraft rockets?”
“Qui mama todo y sacrabrere sadact yshdi yoshibastado!”
“Can we please have a translation?”
“WAIT A SEC, DOC! THIS ISN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! WE NEED TO GO BACK AGAIN!”
“But we only have 1.11 gigawatts left in the flux capacitor! We’ll never make it back!”
“Trust me, you just have to believe!”
2025…again…
“Sir, please step into this portal.”
“Is it me or is that the holodeck?”
“Oh yes, my mistake, sorry sir. Please step into THIS portal.”
And so Bill took his stride into the cryogenic chamber. Everything seemed to be going to plan until the freezing process got to 56% and through the side of the building crashed a giant…fridge? Doc and his assistant, who we’ll call Marty for the exercise, stayed in the fridge whilst Miyamoto stepped out.
“What the…?”
And with that, using a broken X-Box as a shield and weapon, Miyamoto fends off the Microsoft guards by deflecting their crystallisation rays back into their own faces. Miyamoto runs over to the cryogenic tank and aborts the freezing process at 99%.
BANG! SHHHHHH.
…only to be crystallised a tenth of a second later. Along with Doc and Marty, who attempted to help them.
“Muahahah! The time machine is in our possession!”
And so Miyamoto was dead…again. The time machine was now in possession of Nintendo and instead of going back to revive Bill, they had a better idea, to go forward to the year 2999 and create a robot version of Bill. Robots weren’t around until about 2875, you know…
2999
“Yes! The gates robot works! Let’s put this to the test! Bill – can you hear us?”
“Yes. I can hear you. HEY! What do you do to my manhood!?!?”
“Well, we didn’t think it would be useful in a robot…Plus, you’re never gonna get laid, are ya Bill?”
“Me angry. You die!”
BANG. SHHHHH. BANG. SHHHHH.
If you haven’t gathered by now, the SHHHHHH sound is the crystallisation sound…Anyway, Bill massacred everyone working for Microsoft. Just when you think it’s all over…
“Bill! It’s not over yet!”
“Miyamoto!? I thought you were dead. Hell, I thought you couldn’t speak English!”
“I can Miyamoto version 1.2 – upgraded to speak English, but the megalomaniacal gits took away me bloody Japanese accent! ENTERRRRING GEORDIE VERSION 1.2.”
“What the hell!?”
“ENTERING WELSH MODE 1.2. Aye boy-o – how can I do ye for? ENTERING OVERLOAD!”
“Er…”
“SPEECH MODE DISABLED DUE TO MISUSE. FIGHT MODE ENABLED.”
“Let’s go Miyamoto! Hey! That rhymes!”
And so Bill is punched. And punched repeatedly. Just when it appears that Miyamoto is going to win the gruelling battle…
“You’re terminated.”
BANG.
“Gee, thanks for saving me, whoever you are. Miyamoto can be a right heel…”
“You’re terminated.”
BANG. BANG. BANG.
And now we fast-forward a few weeks to the year 3000, where the only remaining company alive are celebrating the new year. Hell, the new millennium.
“Did you ever think Special Reserve would establish themselves again 1000 years later? Well, we owe it all to Tony, who killed Bill Gates and Sigeru (or however you spell it) Miyamoto. Thanks Tone!”
“You’re terminated!”
“Hahah! Stop kidding around Tony.”
And so Tony walks off into the toilet, repeating said sentence. He lifts up his shirt to reveal to us – Tony V1.2.
The End.
2025
“Sir, please step into this portal.”
“Is it me or is that the holodeck?”
“Oh yes, my mistake, sorry sir. Please step into THIS portal.”
And so Bill took his stride into the cryogenic chamber. Everything seemed to be going to plan until the freezing process got to 56% and through the roof of the building flew several men in black, one on top of them all, the other five below him presumably being a cushion for this seemingly important man. He removes his face to reveal himself to the shocked Microsoft onlookers.
“Miyamoto! How did you get past the anti-aircraft rockets?”
“Qui mama todo y sacrabrere sadact yshdi yoshibastado!”
“Can we please have a translation?”
:::I had to quite literally jump out of the plane when the rocket was coming at us. I used these five Nintendo operatives as cushions. Oh, and this X-Box was an excellent cushion. Too bad it’s broken now:::
“He said all that?”
:::Yes:::
“The translator can talk?”
:::Yes I can:::
“Shut up!”
:::Why?:::
“Guards!”
BANG!
:::You shot me! You shot me right in the arm!:::
BANG!
:::Ouch! What did you do that fo:::
BANG!
“Anyway, Miyamoto, what the hell are you doing here?”
“A si a questamanyaya sacrai tuinea es gayoheado sacreotuben!”
“Why the hell did we kill the translator!?”
And with that, using a broken X-Box as a shield and weapon, Miyamoto fends off the Microsoft guards by deflecting their crystallisation rays back into their own faces. Miyamoto runs over to the cryogenic tank and aborts the freezing process at 99%.
BANG! SHHHHHH.
…only to be crystallised a tenth of a second later.
After all this carnage, Bill Gates was dead, due to the aborted freezing process and Miyamoto was also dead. After many attempts from Nintendo fifth column sympathisers, Nintendo were able to obtain Miyamoto’s DNA structure and return it back to Nintendo’s (sort of) HQ…
2050
We are in a lab. There are two scientists.
“Great Scott!”
“What doc?”
He was a doctor; by the way, this is not a cheap rip-off of a 1985 futuristic movie. Well, it is, but that’s not the point…
“I’ve got the DNA structure. Now we need to go back!”
“Back where?”
“Back to the future!”
“Er…don’t you mean back to the past, doc?”
“Yeah, whatever…just get to the time machine.”
Yep, it was a fridge, no silver De’laurier with time circuits. Just a fridge. With a flux capacitor, of course.
“Let’s go!”
And with a flash, we were back in 2025 again. Talk about a word count boost or what, eh?
2025
“Sir, please step into this portal.”
“Is it me or is that the holodeck?”
“Oh yes, my mistake, sorry sir. Please step into THIS portal.”
And so Bill took his stride into the cryogenic chamber. Everything seemed to be going to plan until the freezing process got to 56% and through the roof of the building flew several men in black, one on top of them all, the other five below him presumably being a cushion for this seemingly important man. He removes his face to reveal himself to the shocked Microsoft onlookers.
“Miyamoto! How did you get past the anti-aircraft rockets?”
“Qui mama todo y sacrabrere sadact yshdi yoshibastado!”
“Can we please have a translation?”
“WAIT A SEC, DOC! THIS ISN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! WE NEED TO GO BACK AGAIN!”
“But we only have 1.11 gigawatts left in the flux capacitor! We’ll never make it back!”
“Trust me, you just have to believe!”
2025…again…
“Sir, please step into this portal.”
“Is it me or is that the holodeck?”
“Oh yes, my mistake, sorry sir. Please step into THIS portal.”
And so Bill took his stride into the cryogenic chamber. Everything seemed to be going to plan until the freezing process got to 56% and through the side of the building crashed a giant…fridge? Doc and his assistant, who we’ll call Marty for the exercise, stayed in the fridge whilst Miyamoto stepped out.
“What the…?”
And with that, using a broken X-Box as a shield and weapon, Miyamoto fends off the Microsoft guards by deflecting their crystallisation rays back into their own faces. Miyamoto runs over to the cryogenic tank and aborts the freezing process at 99%.
BANG! SHHHHHH.
…only to be crystallised a tenth of a second later. Along with Doc and Marty, who attempted to help them.
“Muahahah! The time machine is in our possession!”
And so Miyamoto was dead…again. The time machine was now in possession of Nintendo and instead of going back to revive Bill, they had a better idea, to go forward to the year 2999 and create a robot version of Bill. Robots weren’t around until about 2875, you know…
2999
“Yes! The gates robot works! Let’s put this to the test! Bill – can you hear us?”
“Yes. I can hear you. HEY! What do you do to my manhood!?!?”
“Well, we didn’t think it would be useful in a robot…Plus, you’re never gonna get laid, are ya Bill?”
“Me angry. You die!”
BANG. SHHHHH. BANG. SHHHHH.
If you haven’t gathered by now, the SHHHHHH sound is the crystallisation sound…Anyway, Bill massacred everyone working for Microsoft. Just when you think it’s all over…
“Bill! It’s not over yet!”
“Miyamoto!? I thought you were dead. Hell, I thought you couldn’t speak English!”
“I can Miyamoto version 1.2 – upgraded to speak English, but the megalomaniacal gits took away me bloody Japanese accent! ENTERRRRING GEORDIE VERSION 1.2.”
“What the hell!?”
“ENTERING WELSH MODE 1.2. Aye boy-o – how can I do ye for? ENTERING OVERLOAD!”
“Er…”
“SPEECH MODE DISABLED DUE TO MISUSE. FIGHT MODE ENABLED.”
“Let’s go Miyamoto! Hey! That rhymes!”
And so Bill is punched. And punched repeatedly. Just when it appears that Miyamoto is going to win the gruelling battle…
“You’re terminated.”
BANG.
“Gee, thanks for saving me, whoever you are. Miyamoto can be a right heel…”
“You’re terminated.”
BANG. BANG. BANG.
And now we fast-forward a few weeks to the year 3000, where the only remaining company alive are celebrating the new year. Hell, the new millennium.
“Did you ever think Special Reserve would establish themselves again 1000 years later? Well, we owe it all to Tony, who killed Bill Gates and Sigeru (or however you spell it) Miyamoto. Thanks Tone!”
“You’re terminated!”
“Hahah! Stop kidding around Tony.”
And so Tony walks off into the toilet, repeating said sentence. He lifts up his shirt to reveal to us – Tony V1.2.
The End.
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Was "awefully" a deliberate mistake? :P
I'd rather not read it. It's awefully long.
Ok, I was sure I mispelt odyssey, but 3001 is just nitpicking. Yes, I know the original film title, but I deliberately changed it to 3000, for obvious reasons if you actually READ the story at all...
Nobody's perfect, ye know.
Nobody's perfect, ye know.
Okay, a properly spelt and properly referenced title would be:
3001: A Gaming Odyssey
3001: A Gaming Odyssey
Thank ye. And a shameless bit of toppage :P
a shameless GAD attempt there. Well done.
Sorry. I just wanted someone to read it. My goal is accomplished. I shall stop. Plus this reply itself pops the topic anyway :P
Well..
Erm..
*slow clapping*
Well...done.. yes .. well done Flux.
No, really :D T'was very good. Just stop popping the topic, please !
Erm..
*slow clapping*
Well...done.. yes .. well done Flux.
No, really :D T'was very good. Just stop popping the topic, please !
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for the sake of humour.
Top
Top
for the sake of humour.
Top
Top
for the sake of humour.
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for the sake of humour.
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