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The following is a true story......
***********************************
Legal Notice From Microsoft.
Our client, Mr. William Gates (Bill or His Highness to his friends) denies any of the following events occurred. Mr. Gates denies any involvement in the cruelty to monkeys and does not endorse cheap labour and a 20-hour working day.
Mr. Gates disagrees with cruelty towards any of Gods wonderful creatures.
Any such allegations made towards our client or his company will result in legal action and/or the threat of torture and a slow, painful death.
Have a nice day.
Microsoft.
***********************************
However, to protect the identities of those involved, and to avoid the threat of legal action, certain names have been altered.
Bill Gates...er, I mean, er..Phil Bates and his company, MicroMatic, were losing money fast. Their console, The Big XL Box had lost the latest console war.
To take his mind off the troubles, Phil had a safari holiday in Africa.
Whilst on safari, Phil saw a bunch of primates sitting on and around a large rock.
Seeing the monkeys gathered around, grooming each other, reminded Phil of company board meetings he had been to. (And the grooming reminded him of his attempts to thwart his terrible dandruff problem…but that’s another story.)
Phil thought that if he could use monkeys as staff, he could save money on production staff and overheads.
He hastily constructed a net out of old P.C wires he had in his bag, then, with great speed, bagged ten helpless chimps, and tossed them into the back of his Humvee.
Phil took the ten apes back home to the MicroMatic HQ, cleaned them up to remove any impurities such as ticks or lice, then locked them in a small, but well lit room.
Inside the room was a P.C in hundreds of pieces and P.C manual.
When the monkeys worked on the P.C, they were rewarded with grapes, bananas and beer. When they slacked off however, they got electro-shock treatment from specially designed neck collars. So the monkeys soon learned to become P.C technicians.
When Phil visited them a week later, the P.C was operational and even running better than ever.
Eventually, Phil had thousands of monkeys going through this crash course in P.C construction. Months later, there were no human workers on the ground floor, all MicroMatic products were being built by monkeys, working a 20 hour day, drinking coffee and eating bananas. (They even wore little anti-static suits, which Phil designed himself.)
Phil noticed that during their four hours off a day, apart from developing a worrying smoking, drinking and gambling problem, the monkeys had developed high gaming skills, mostly in the MicroMatic flight simulators. They eventually learned to pilot planes better than human pilots.
So Phil, not one to miss a good business opportunity, held talks with all the major airlines companies, about providing highly skilled pilots, who could be paid peanuts (or monkey nuts).
Phil bought all the banana and grape processing plants in the U.S, paid the monkeys with the fruit, eliminating the need to pay workers wages.
Pretty soon, Phil had monkeys training on economics simulators, and hospital surgery simulators, ready to sell them to the financial and health sectors.
Governments soon became interested in the monkey workers.
Phil thought that if he provided the governments and companies of the world with a cheap simian workforce, he would be set up for life.
So instead of some monkeys learning to fly some played on the MicroMatic Killmaster XL war simulator. They eventually became highly skilled battle apes ready for guerrilla warfare.
Governments around the world indeed paid billions of dollars for the armies of monkeys, eliminating the need for human casualties in battle. And due to the neck collars they wore, the armies could be controlled like in a MicroMatic real-time strategy game.
All wars in the future would be fought between monkeys, so governments decided to get rid of their nuclear weapons. However, many monkeys were killed in battle.
Animal protection agencies were in uproar at the poor treatment of the monkeys, as battle warriors, and poorly paid workers in the many factories around the world. But because the Governments were pleased with their cheap and efficient fighters, they decided to replace the animal protection officers with yet more highly skilled monkeys.
Everything was going great for Phil, and the money was rolling in because of the monkey slaves he provided, and all the rulers of countries around the world decided to make Phil Emperor of the World.
BUT... the apes slowly started to resist the pain from the electro collars and their intelligence was increasing at an alarming rate (they soon learned to program a video recorder). The monkeys had become too clever, too quickly. There were rumblings of discontent amongst the monkey workforce.
The ape armies over powered their human rulers, and soon retired human soldiers were called back into service to calm and suppress the ape aggressors. Many humans and apes were killed or injured in the ensuing conflict.
Fearing the worldwide scandal because of his meddling with nature and hunt for a quick buck, Phil Bates, once proud owner of MicroMatic and the richest man on the planet, disappeared, never to be seen again......
Governments, seeing the error of their ways, decided to never bother monkeys again, apart from using them in important space exploration projects, which the monkeys enjoyed.
The worldwide ape populations were calmed in monkey chill-out facilities, where, instead of playing with P.Cs and simulators, they enjoyed a quite life of tyre swinging and grooming. Eventually, they were released back into the wild.
This story is dedicated to the memory of the poor and innocent monkeys forced to work 20-hour days in Phil Bates computer factories. And the apes trained as killers, and forced to fight wars, who died in battle.
THE END..?....Phil Bates may return....
***********************************
Legal Notice From Microsoft.
Our client, Mr. William Gates (Bill or His Highness to his friends) denies any of the following events occurred. Mr. Gates denies any involvement in the cruelty to monkeys and does not endorse cheap labour and a 20-hour working day.
Mr. Gates disagrees with cruelty towards any of Gods wonderful creatures.
Any such allegations made towards our client or his company will result in legal action and/or the threat of torture and a slow, painful death.
Have a nice day.
Microsoft.
***********************************
However, to protect the identities of those involved, and to avoid the threat of legal action, certain names have been altered.
Bill Gates...er, I mean, er..Phil Bates and his company, MicroMatic, were losing money fast. Their console, The Big XL Box had lost the latest console war.
To take his mind off the troubles, Phil had a safari holiday in Africa.
Whilst on safari, Phil saw a bunch of primates sitting on and around a large rock.
Seeing the monkeys gathered around, grooming each other, reminded Phil of company board meetings he had been to. (And the grooming reminded him of his attempts to thwart his terrible dandruff problem…but that’s another story.)
Phil thought that if he could use monkeys as staff, he could save money on production staff and overheads.
He hastily constructed a net out of old P.C wires he had in his bag, then, with great speed, bagged ten helpless chimps, and tossed them into the back of his Humvee.
Phil took the ten apes back home to the MicroMatic HQ, cleaned them up to remove any impurities such as ticks or lice, then locked them in a small, but well lit room.
Inside the room was a P.C in hundreds of pieces and P.C manual.
When the monkeys worked on the P.C, they were rewarded with grapes, bananas and beer. When they slacked off however, they got electro-shock treatment from specially designed neck collars. So the monkeys soon learned to become P.C technicians.
When Phil visited them a week later, the P.C was operational and even running better than ever.
Eventually, Phil had thousands of monkeys going through this crash course in P.C construction. Months later, there were no human workers on the ground floor, all MicroMatic products were being built by monkeys, working a 20 hour day, drinking coffee and eating bananas. (They even wore little anti-static suits, which Phil designed himself.)
Phil noticed that during their four hours off a day, apart from developing a worrying smoking, drinking and gambling problem, the monkeys had developed high gaming skills, mostly in the MicroMatic flight simulators. They eventually learned to pilot planes better than human pilots.
So Phil, not one to miss a good business opportunity, held talks with all the major airlines companies, about providing highly skilled pilots, who could be paid peanuts (or monkey nuts).
Phil bought all the banana and grape processing plants in the U.S, paid the monkeys with the fruit, eliminating the need to pay workers wages.
Pretty soon, Phil had monkeys training on economics simulators, and hospital surgery simulators, ready to sell them to the financial and health sectors.
Governments soon became interested in the monkey workers.
Phil thought that if he provided the governments and companies of the world with a cheap simian workforce, he would be set up for life.
So instead of some monkeys learning to fly some played on the MicroMatic Killmaster XL war simulator. They eventually became highly skilled battle apes ready for guerrilla warfare.
Governments around the world indeed paid billions of dollars for the armies of monkeys, eliminating the need for human casualties in battle. And due to the neck collars they wore, the armies could be controlled like in a MicroMatic real-time strategy game.
All wars in the future would be fought between monkeys, so governments decided to get rid of their nuclear weapons. However, many monkeys were killed in battle.
Animal protection agencies were in uproar at the poor treatment of the monkeys, as battle warriors, and poorly paid workers in the many factories around the world. But because the Governments were pleased with their cheap and efficient fighters, they decided to replace the animal protection officers with yet more highly skilled monkeys.
Everything was going great for Phil, and the money was rolling in because of the monkey slaves he provided, and all the rulers of countries around the world decided to make Phil Emperor of the World.
BUT... the apes slowly started to resist the pain from the electro collars and their intelligence was increasing at an alarming rate (they soon learned to program a video recorder). The monkeys had become too clever, too quickly. There were rumblings of discontent amongst the monkey workforce.
The ape armies over powered their human rulers, and soon retired human soldiers were called back into service to calm and suppress the ape aggressors. Many humans and apes were killed or injured in the ensuing conflict.
Fearing the worldwide scandal because of his meddling with nature and hunt for a quick buck, Phil Bates, once proud owner of MicroMatic and the richest man on the planet, disappeared, never to be seen again......
Governments, seeing the error of their ways, decided to never bother monkeys again, apart from using them in important space exploration projects, which the monkeys enjoyed.
The worldwide ape populations were calmed in monkey chill-out facilities, where, instead of playing with P.Cs and simulators, they enjoyed a quite life of tyre swinging and grooming. Eventually, they were released back into the wild.
This story is dedicated to the memory of the poor and innocent monkeys forced to work 20-hour days in Phil Bates computer factories. And the apes trained as killers, and forced to fight wars, who died in battle.
THE END..?....Phil Bates may return....
Lol, i liked it.
Knowing someone called phil bate might have helped, but then again, i think he's the one in need of an electro-shock colar and fruit...
Knowing someone called phil bate might have helped, but then again, i think he's the one in need of an electro-shock colar and fruit...
Quazimodo wrote:
> Hope Phil Bates returns.
He might...one day (thinking of possible plot details)
> Hope Phil Bates returns.
He might...one day (thinking of possible plot details)
Very good,
Hope Phil Bates returns.
Hope Phil Bates returns.
Maybe thats because no body has read it
no offence
no offence
Any feedback from anyone?
It's been on here since 9 this morning, and nobody has mentioned anything about it... :-(
It's been on here since 9 this morning, and nobody has mentioned anything about it... :-(
The following is a true story......
***********************************
Legal Notice From Microsoft.
Our client, Mr. William Gates (Bill or His Highness to his friends) denies any of the following events occurred. Mr. Gates denies any involvement in the cruelty to monkeys and does not endorse cheap labour and a 20-hour working day.
Mr. Gates disagrees with cruelty towards any of Gods wonderful creatures.
Any such allegations made towards our client or his company will result in legal action and/or the threat of torture and a slow, painful death.
Have a nice day.
Microsoft.
***********************************
However, to protect the identities of those involved, and to avoid the threat of legal action, certain names have been altered.
Bill Gates...er, I mean, er..Phil Bates and his company, MicroMatic, were losing money fast. Their console, The Big XL Box had lost the latest console war.
To take his mind off the troubles, Phil had a safari holiday in Africa.
Whilst on safari, Phil saw a bunch of primates sitting on and around a large rock.
Seeing the monkeys gathered around, grooming each other, reminded Phil of company board meetings he had been to. (And the grooming reminded him of his attempts to thwart his terrible dandruff problem…but that’s another story.)
Phil thought that if he could use monkeys as staff, he could save money on production staff and overheads.
He hastily constructed a net out of old P.C wires he had in his bag, then, with great speed, bagged ten helpless chimps, and tossed them into the back of his Humvee.
Phil took the ten apes back home to the MicroMatic HQ, cleaned them up to remove any impurities such as ticks or lice, then locked them in a small, but well lit room.
Inside the room was a P.C in hundreds of pieces and P.C manual.
When the monkeys worked on the P.C, they were rewarded with grapes, bananas and beer. When they slacked off however, they got electro-shock treatment from specially designed neck collars. So the monkeys soon learned to become P.C technicians.
When Phil visited them a week later, the P.C was operational and even running better than ever.
Eventually, Phil had thousands of monkeys going through this crash course in P.C construction. Months later, there were no human workers on the ground floor, all MicroMatic products were being built by monkeys, working a 20 hour day, drinking coffee and eating bananas. (They even wore little anti-static suits, which Phil designed himself.)
Phil noticed that during their four hours off a day, apart from developing a worrying smoking, drinking and gambling problem, the monkeys had developed high gaming skills, mostly in the MicroMatic flight simulators. They eventually learned to pilot planes better than human pilots.
So Phil, not one to miss a good business opportunity, held talks with all the major airlines companies, about providing highly skilled pilots, who could be paid peanuts (or monkey nuts).
Phil bought all the banana and grape processing plants in the U.S, paid the monkeys with the fruit, eliminating the need to pay workers wages.
Pretty soon, Phil had monkeys training on economics simulators, and hospital surgery simulators, ready to sell them to the financial and health sectors.
Governments soon became interested in the monkey workers.
Phil thought that if he provided the governments and companies of the world with a cheap simian workforce, he would be set up for life.
So instead of some monkeys learning to fly some played on the MicroMatic Killmaster XL war simulator. They eventually became highly skilled battle apes ready for guerrilla warfare.
Governments around the world indeed paid billions of dollars for the armies of monkeys, eliminating the need for human casualties in battle. And due to the neck collars they wore, the armies could be controlled like in a MicroMatic real-time strategy game.
All wars in the future would be fought between monkeys, so governments decided to get rid of their nuclear weapons. However, many monkeys were killed in battle.
Animal protection agencies were in uproar at the poor treatment of the monkeys, as battle warriors, and poorly paid workers in the many factories around the world. But because the Governments were pleased with their cheap and efficient fighters, they decided to replace the animal protection officers with yet more highly skilled monkeys.
Everything was going great for Phil, and the money was rolling in because of the monkey slaves he provided, and all the rulers of countries around the world decided to make Phil Emperor of the World.
BUT... the apes slowly started to resist the pain from the electro collars and their intelligence was increasing at an alarming rate (they soon learned to program a video recorder). The monkeys had become too clever, too quickly. There were rumblings of discontent amongst the monkey workforce.
The ape armies over powered their human rulers, and soon retired human soldiers were called back into service to calm and suppress the ape aggressors. Many humans and apes were killed or injured in the ensuing conflict.
Fearing the worldwide scandal because of his meddling with nature and hunt for a quick buck, Phil Bates, once proud owner of MicroMatic and the richest man on the planet, disappeared, never to be seen again......
Governments, seeing the error of their ways, decided to never bother monkeys again, apart from using them in important space exploration projects, which the monkeys enjoyed.
The worldwide ape populations were calmed in monkey chill-out facilities, where, instead of playing with P.Cs and simulators, they enjoyed a quite life of tyre swinging and grooming. Eventually, they were released back into the wild.
This story is dedicated to the memory of the poor and innocent monkeys forced to work 20-hour days in Phil Bates computer factories. And the apes trained as killers, and forced to fight wars, who died in battle.
THE END..?....Phil Bates may return....
***********************************
Legal Notice From Microsoft.
Our client, Mr. William Gates (Bill or His Highness to his friends) denies any of the following events occurred. Mr. Gates denies any involvement in the cruelty to monkeys and does not endorse cheap labour and a 20-hour working day.
Mr. Gates disagrees with cruelty towards any of Gods wonderful creatures.
Any such allegations made towards our client or his company will result in legal action and/or the threat of torture and a slow, painful death.
Have a nice day.
Microsoft.
***********************************
However, to protect the identities of those involved, and to avoid the threat of legal action, certain names have been altered.
Bill Gates...er, I mean, er..Phil Bates and his company, MicroMatic, were losing money fast. Their console, The Big XL Box had lost the latest console war.
To take his mind off the troubles, Phil had a safari holiday in Africa.
Whilst on safari, Phil saw a bunch of primates sitting on and around a large rock.
Seeing the monkeys gathered around, grooming each other, reminded Phil of company board meetings he had been to. (And the grooming reminded him of his attempts to thwart his terrible dandruff problem…but that’s another story.)
Phil thought that if he could use monkeys as staff, he could save money on production staff and overheads.
He hastily constructed a net out of old P.C wires he had in his bag, then, with great speed, bagged ten helpless chimps, and tossed them into the back of his Humvee.
Phil took the ten apes back home to the MicroMatic HQ, cleaned them up to remove any impurities such as ticks or lice, then locked them in a small, but well lit room.
Inside the room was a P.C in hundreds of pieces and P.C manual.
When the monkeys worked on the P.C, they were rewarded with grapes, bananas and beer. When they slacked off however, they got electro-shock treatment from specially designed neck collars. So the monkeys soon learned to become P.C technicians.
When Phil visited them a week later, the P.C was operational and even running better than ever.
Eventually, Phil had thousands of monkeys going through this crash course in P.C construction. Months later, there were no human workers on the ground floor, all MicroMatic products were being built by monkeys, working a 20 hour day, drinking coffee and eating bananas. (They even wore little anti-static suits, which Phil designed himself.)
Phil noticed that during their four hours off a day, apart from developing a worrying smoking, drinking and gambling problem, the monkeys had developed high gaming skills, mostly in the MicroMatic flight simulators. They eventually learned to pilot planes better than human pilots.
So Phil, not one to miss a good business opportunity, held talks with all the major airlines companies, about providing highly skilled pilots, who could be paid peanuts (or monkey nuts).
Phil bought all the banana and grape processing plants in the U.S, paid the monkeys with the fruit, eliminating the need to pay workers wages.
Pretty soon, Phil had monkeys training on economics simulators, and hospital surgery simulators, ready to sell them to the financial and health sectors.
Governments soon became interested in the monkey workers.
Phil thought that if he provided the governments and companies of the world with a cheap simian workforce, he would be set up for life.
So instead of some monkeys learning to fly some played on the MicroMatic Killmaster XL war simulator. They eventually became highly skilled battle apes ready for guerrilla warfare.
Governments around the world indeed paid billions of dollars for the armies of monkeys, eliminating the need for human casualties in battle. And due to the neck collars they wore, the armies could be controlled like in a MicroMatic real-time strategy game.
All wars in the future would be fought between monkeys, so governments decided to get rid of their nuclear weapons. However, many monkeys were killed in battle.
Animal protection agencies were in uproar at the poor treatment of the monkeys, as battle warriors, and poorly paid workers in the many factories around the world. But because the Governments were pleased with their cheap and efficient fighters, they decided to replace the animal protection officers with yet more highly skilled monkeys.
Everything was going great for Phil, and the money was rolling in because of the monkey slaves he provided, and all the rulers of countries around the world decided to make Phil Emperor of the World.
BUT... the apes slowly started to resist the pain from the electro collars and their intelligence was increasing at an alarming rate (they soon learned to program a video recorder). The monkeys had become too clever, too quickly. There were rumblings of discontent amongst the monkey workforce.
The ape armies over powered their human rulers, and soon retired human soldiers were called back into service to calm and suppress the ape aggressors. Many humans and apes were killed or injured in the ensuing conflict.
Fearing the worldwide scandal because of his meddling with nature and hunt for a quick buck, Phil Bates, once proud owner of MicroMatic and the richest man on the planet, disappeared, never to be seen again......
Governments, seeing the error of their ways, decided to never bother monkeys again, apart from using them in important space exploration projects, which the monkeys enjoyed.
The worldwide ape populations were calmed in monkey chill-out facilities, where, instead of playing with P.Cs and simulators, they enjoyed a quite life of tyre swinging and grooming. Eventually, they were released back into the wild.
This story is dedicated to the memory of the poor and innocent monkeys forced to work 20-hour days in Phil Bates computer factories. And the apes trained as killers, and forced to fight wars, who died in battle.
THE END..?....Phil Bates may return....