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CAW Crazy Match: Winner gets title shot of their choice
Darksider (Lord Of Darkness) vs Kid Rock vs The Physchiatrist (MikeAll) vs Jetster vs Mouldy Cheese vs Reaver (Ant)
Here at Burnout, things have been really great so far! We’ve seen confusing and controversial ends to the Tag-Team and Intercontinental title matches. Longy successfully defend his CAW title in a classic encounter and we still have the Hell In A Cell match for the WWF title to come. But now we have one of our feature attractions, a CAW crazy match, featuring six CAW superstars all in one ring at the same time, every man for himself!!! The match will be competed under elimination rules, so when a superstar is pinned, he is out of the match.
A slow, dignified piece of music played as our 'honorable' CAW commisioner Reaver (Ant) makes his way out from beneath the Titan-Tron. As usual he's brought his 'heavies with him, he is flanked by Da Animalz of Doom (The Cong Man and Hawk (AfroJoe) as well as his ‘kittens’. Most of the fans are booing, but some are waving giant inflatable bananas with a Fyffes style label on them which read 'Cong Man, produce of The Congo'. This is quite puzzling, but a great merchandising opportunity! Reaver makes his way into the ring as Hawk and The Cong Man go over to the announcers table to join Jim Ross and The King! Reaver sends his kittens to the back.
Reaver takes the microphone from Ring Announcer Bob Artese. "Good evening to all my fans here in the Special Reserve arena" 'WHAT?!?' scream the fans. "How Rude" Ant reacts. 'WHAT?!?' scream the fans again. "Right, if you’re going to be like that...."'WHAT!?!'"I've just decided to make this match a no-disqualification match. Hope you're all proud of yourselves."
The fans go crazy as Kid Rocks’ music hits, appropriately, it's by his namesake. Kid Rock emerges through the curtain, and is visibly excited by the reception he just received. He looks in the best shape of his career, he's also carrying a microphone! "Hey Ant! I think I speak for everyone in this arena, from the oldest Granny, to the youngest child when I say...I think we've all had enough of you and your cronies antics, prepare for a trip to planet a-s-s-whup!" With that Kid Rock rushes the ring, he's not even going to wait for the other competitors!
Kid Rock slides under the ropes but is cut off by Reaver (Ant) who stomps away on his back. Kid Rock has his adreneline pumping though and battles his way up to his feet before trading blows with the CAW commisioner. "This ain't right" states Hawk (Afro Joe) on comentarty, "OOOOH OOOOH AAAH AAAH" the Cong Man intelligently replies. Look out though, here comes our third competitor! A huge block of Swiss Cheese appears on the Titan-Tron, spinning in rendered 3D and in perfect animation crashes through the screen, coinciding with a huge pyrotechnical explosion, heralding the arrival of Mouldy Cheese sprinting his way to the ring as the arena is bathed in yellow light!
Back in the ring Kid Rock hits a belly-to-belly suplex on Reaver. He celebrates a little too early though and gets hit over the back of the head with a huge plastic block of cheese that The Mouldy One grabbed from a fan on his way to the ring. Referee Teddy Long is powerless to do anything about this, thanks to Reaver making this a no disqualification match! Reaver is now back on his feet and is helping Mouldy Cheese stomp away on the floored Kid Rock. Cheese and Reaver drag Kid Rock back to his feet. Reaver locks Kid Rock in a waist-lock and goes for a German Suplex, as Kid Rock is coming down though, Mouldy Cheese hits a neck breaker! "Oh My God, that was brutal!" exclaims Hawk "OOh AAAAH, AAAAH" Replies Cong, as Hawk chuckles away to himself.
Here comes another contender, the arena goes dark. "Please, tell me what's on your mind?" Whispers a slightly disturbing sounding voice and when the lights go up Mouldy Cheese and Reaver (Ant) are lying on the match clutching their heads as the Psychiatrist (MikeAll) stands, with his arms folded, clad in a long lab coat in the middle of the ring. The fans cheer wildly as The Psychiatrist helps Kid Rock back to his feet, only to lock him straight into a piledriver! The fans boo. The psychiatrist looks unpurturbed as he stands in the middle of the ring, surveying the devastation that he has just caused!
The sound of a plane taking off now fills the arena, before Jetster's music booms through the state-of-the-art PA system. The Psychiatrist stands facing the Titan-Tron motioning to Jetster to just bring it. But Jetster is nowhere to be seen. Nowhere that is, until the camera pans upward and Jetster is seen stood atop the Titan-Tron! Thats a good 50 feet up in the air!!! Jetster jumps off the Titan-Tron and ‘flies’ toward the ring, aided by some support wires virtually invisible the human eye. The Psychiatrist stands looking stunned, so stunned in fact that he fails to get out of the way of a flying punch from Jetster that he had seen coming for what seemed like an eternity! Jetster stands in the middle of the ring, unclipping himself from his safety harness. He manages this just in time to be caught by another German Suplex/neck-breaker combination from Reaver and Mouldy Cheese. Jetster looks hurt!
Once again the lights go out in the arena. They are down for what seems like an eternity and a number of screams and thuds can be heard from the ring before they finally come back up on The Darksider stood in the centre of the ring, with the other five competitors lying on the ground clutching various parts of their anatomies! The Darksider drags Mouldy Cheese to his feet and hits a big suplex. Meanwhile Kid Rock has rolled to the outside and has dragged Reaver (Ant) with him and they are trading punches out on the floor! Jetster and the Psychiatrist are still flat out on the mat. Kid Rock and Reaver continue to trade punches all the way up the ramp, before disappearing through the curtain into the backstage area! Darksider clotheslines the Psychiatrist to the floor!
A camera crew led by Lilian Garcia immediately picks up on Kid Rock and Reaver (Ant) as they battle their way through the corridors in the backstage area. “Get him back in the ring, you can’t pin him out there!” advises The King. “The commish knows what he’s doing” retorts Hawk (AfroJoe), “Ooooooh oooooh aaaaahhhh aaaaah” “Yep, that’s right Cong.” Hawk adds “Erm..” says Jim Ross..struggling to find the words!. Meanwhile back in the ring, The Darksider has Mouldy Cheese in a waist-lock and he hits an overhead release German suplex., The Mouldy one flies across the ring, lands on the back of his neck and crumples into a heap! The Psychiatrist (MikeAll) nails Jet with a huge head-butt that sends the Jetster staggering backwards over the ropes and to the floor! Jetster rolls backwards after hitting the mats and whacks his head against the protective barriers! The Psychiatrist goes up to the top and launches himself at Jetster, “OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!!” Screams Jim Ross, The Psychoanaliser to the floor!!! Both men are in absolute agony out there after The Psychiatrist used his own head as a weapon and found his mark!
Mouldy Cheese and The Darksider trade blows in the ring as referee Teddy Long rushes to the outside to check on the condition of The Psychiatrist and Jetster. Darksider gets the better of the exchange and grabs Mouldy Cheese by the throat! “Ooooh ooooh AAAAHHHH” Screeches the Cong Man as he dumps his headphones on the desk before picking up the chair he is sat on and rushing into the ring. Darksider has Mouldy Cheese off his feet and up on his shoulder set up for the Darkside Doomsday Devasta! But, CLANG! Cong Man with a vile chair shot to the Darksider, The Darksider drops Mouldy Cheese, but turns to face The Hardcore Gorilla, whose chair shot has had little effect, Darksider grabs Cong By the throat! “LOW BLOW, LOW BLOW, LOW BLOW!!!” Screams Jim Ross as Cheese hits a distinctly sensitive area of The Darksiders’ anatomy! The Cong Man scampers out of the ring as Mouldy Cheese hits a double underhook piledriver on the Darksider. Mouldy Cheese pulls the Darksider back to his feet and locks in the Mouldmission just as the referee turns around. The Darksider isn’t submitting though. Cheese keeps the hold locked in!
The Referee turns to see Hawk(AfroJoe) stood on the ring apron. Teddy Long goes over to Hawk and tries to get him to leave the apron, but while the ref is distracted the Cong Man has re-entered the ring, chair in hand. CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! That’s TEN!!! Ten vile chair shots to the head of the Darksider who is still locked in the Mouldmission and unable to do anything to prevent it. Hawk and The Cong Man leave the ring and return the commentary position. Teddy Long goes to check on the condition of the Darksider who has been locked in the Mouldmission for what seem like an eternity. Upon finding no signs of life in The Darksider whatsoever Timmy White has no choice but to call for the first elimination of this match.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Referee Teddy Long has deemed the Darkisder unfit to continue, therefore he has been eliminated from this match-up!”
A Team of medics rush from the back and put The Darksider on a stretcher as Mouldy Cheese celebrates in the centre of the ring. The fans attention switches to the Titan-Tron where Lilian Garcia is stood in what looks like the showers as Kid Rock and Reaver have fought their way under the showers which are tunred on! Lilian Garcia doesn’t want to get wet and hasn’t followed them! Suddenly Kid Rock comes flying out from under the showers, courtsey of a spear from Reaver! Lililan doesn’t have time to get out of the way and all three go tumbling into a communal bath! The King, notices that Lillian’s white top has now gone rather see-through! “PUPPIES!” he screams over-excitedly! “OOOOH OOOH AAAH AAHHH!” Screams Cong, also very excitedly!
Meanwhile, back in the ring. The Psychiatrist has just about managed to shake off the cobwebs and has crawled back into the ring. He gets cut off by a series of stomps from Mouldy Cheese though, but manages to fight his way up to his feet and begins trading blows with the Mouldy One. Jetster is on the apron though, he pulls back on the ropes, jumps onto the top of the ropes swivels through 180º and in one perfect motion hits a moonsault on to The Psychiatrist and Mouldy Cheese, wiping them both out! Jetster is quickly back to his feet and he goes over to the corner jumping straight up to the top rope! He launches himself at the Psychiatrist, big splash!!! No, the Psychiatrist moved! Jetster crashes into the mat and Mouldy Cheese takes advantage immediately locking him in a fujiwara arm bar! Is he going to tap? Jetster is screaming out in agony! Referee Timmy White is checking in with him, buthe’s not tapping out, he is however a long way from the ropes! The Psychiatrist has gone up top, whats he up to? ”OH MY GOD” Psychoanalizer again! Straight to the back of the head of Jetster who was prone in the fujiwara armbar position. The Pyschiatrist rolls around in agony as well! Mouldy Cheese keeps the armbar locked in, despite the fact that it looks as though Jetster has been TKO’d! Teddy Long checks in with Jetster and gets no response, he raises the arm once, it falls to the mat. Twice, it falls to the mat. Three times it falls to the mat. Teddy Long calls for the bell
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Jetster has been eliminated from this match up!”
The men with the stretcher come running back to the ring, this time to carry Jetster away. Mouldy Cheese celebrates momentarily, but he then notices The Psychiatrist still down and goes to make the cover! He hooks the leg.. .. ..1.. .. .. 2.. .. .. The Psychiatrist just, and I mean just, kicks out at 2 and nine tenths! Mouldy Cheese pounds the ring in frustration. He picks the Psychiatrist right back up and goes for a piledriver! The psychiatrist is too heavy though and The Mouldy one bends backwards under the weight. The Psychiatrists’ feet touch the floor and he hauls Mouldy cheese up for a piledriver, but before he drives him down he repositions his hands locking them together, CRADLE PILEDRIVER!!! Psychiatrist falls on top of Cheese exhausted by the effort.. 1.. .. 2.. .. .. 3. The Psychiatrist (Mikeall) has pinned Mouldy Cheese!!!
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Mouldy Cheese has been eliminated from this match up!”
Before the Psychiatrist has time to recover Ant (Reaver) comes flying over the protective barriers behind JR and The King courtesy of a Kid Rock clothesline. Lilian Garcia is still in pursuit and still looking rather soggy. Ant makes his way into the ring as he attempts to escape Kid Rock but wanders straight into a DDT from the Psychiatrist! Kid Rock runs past Ant on his way into the ring but gets caught by a baseball slide drop-kick form the Psychiatrist, right on the head! Kid Rock staggers backwards and land on top on Reaver (Ant).
Reaver and Kid Rock are soon back to their feet and trading punches. But, keep your eye on the Psychiatrist, he runs backwards onto the ropes, bounces off and runs full speed towards in Reaver and Kid Rocks direction, he hits ANOTHER baseball slide dropkick which send Reaver all the way over the protective barriers! Kid Rock turns and sees The Psychiatrist caught in the ropes and yanks both his legs crotching him on the bottom rope! The Psychiatrist (Mikeall) clutches at his grapefruits!
Kid Rock jumps on to the apron first and then to the top rope, almost in one motion and jumps in the direction of The Psychiatrist, hitting a picture perfect jumping hurracanrana! This Kid is money! That was sweet! The best hurricanrana I have ever seen! Kid Rock makes the cover 1 2 3!
“Ladies and Gentlemen, The Psychiatrist has been eliminated from this match up!”
Kid Rock turns and sees his arch-nemesis The Cong Man running across the ring at him, in full view of Referee Teddy Long! Kid Rock sidesteps the charging gorilla at the last minute and The King of Barbed Wire crashes over the top rope to the floor, unfortunately landing on his own chair and knocking himself sensless! Hawk runs across to check on his tag-team partner. Reaver has made his way back into the ring. Referee Teddy Long goes to the ropes and is begins jaw-jacking with Hawk.
Reaver put his hand down his pants!!! Oh my god he’s not going to..?Aah, it’s OK he’s just reaching for a foreign object! Reaver pulls a short length of chain out of his pants and goes to hit Kid Rock with it! Kid Rock ducks the punch and kicks Reaver in the stomach. MONEY MAKER!!! This ones over, oh no it isn’t Reaver rolled to the outside! A lucky break for the commissioner there! Kid Rock looks down and sees Reaver’s chain, he picks it up and wraps it around his knuckles! The crowd goes bananas! Reaver climbs back into the ring and Kid Rock clocks him, right on the jaw!!! Reaver collapses backwards. Kid Rock makes the pin 1 2 and Teddy Long stops making the count, he’s seen the chain around Kid Rocks knuckles and he calls for the bell!
“Ladies and Gentlemen, The Referee has disqualified Kid Rock, therefore your winner of the match, Reaver (Ant)!”
At this Kid Rock goes ballistic! He pummels Reaver with the chain, before removing it from his knuckles and whipping the commissioner with it. Kid Rock goes to the outside and fetches a chair in, CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! Kid Rock is trying to seriously injure Reaver!!! Here comes Hawk though, but Kid Rock raises the chair to him! Hawk is desperately trying to talk Kid Rock down from giving anymore punishment, but CLANG!!! The Cong Man from behind with, OH MY GOD?!? What is that?!? It’s a steel chair wrapped in Barbed wire!!! Kid Rock slumps in to a heap. The Cong Man hits him a couple more times with the chair, before three quarters of the faction now known as the Four elements head to the back. Kid Rock just lies in the centre of the ring, bleeding from multiple wounds courtesy of The Cong Man’s customised chair.
Jim Ross sits in silence appalled at what he just saw, even the King is stuck for words. A panicking producer calls for a commercial break...
**************************
Epic huh?
Thanks for reading (8-(I)
See youa ll in a months time (ie when you finish reading it!)
Darksider (Lord Of Darkness) vs Kid Rock vs The Physchiatrist (MikeAll) vs Jetster vs Mouldy Cheese vs Reaver (Ant)
Here at Burnout, things have been really great so far! We’ve seen confusing and controversial ends to the Tag-Team and Intercontinental title matches. Longy successfully defend his CAW title in a classic encounter and we still have the Hell In A Cell match for the WWF title to come. But now we have one of our feature attractions, a CAW crazy match, featuring six CAW superstars all in one ring at the same time, every man for himself!!! The match will be competed under elimination rules, so when a superstar is pinned, he is out of the match.
A slow, dignified piece of music played as our 'honorable' CAW commisioner Reaver (Ant) makes his way out from beneath the Titan-Tron. As usual he's brought his 'heavies with him, he is flanked by Da Animalz of Doom (The Cong Man and Hawk (AfroJoe) as well as his ‘kittens’. Most of the fans are booing, but some are waving giant inflatable bananas with a Fyffes style label on them which read 'Cong Man, produce of The Congo'. This is quite puzzling, but a great merchandising opportunity! Reaver makes his way into the ring as Hawk and The Cong Man go over to the announcers table to join Jim Ross and The King! Reaver sends his kittens to the back.
Reaver takes the microphone from Ring Announcer Bob Artese. "Good evening to all my fans here in the Special Reserve arena" 'WHAT?!?' scream the fans. "How Rude" Ant reacts. 'WHAT?!?' scream the fans again. "Right, if you’re going to be like that...."'WHAT!?!'"I've just decided to make this match a no-disqualification match. Hope you're all proud of yourselves."
The fans go crazy as Kid Rocks’ music hits, appropriately, it's by his namesake. Kid Rock emerges through the curtain, and is visibly excited by the reception he just received. He looks in the best shape of his career, he's also carrying a microphone! "Hey Ant! I think I speak for everyone in this arena, from the oldest Granny, to the youngest child when I say...I think we've all had enough of you and your cronies antics, prepare for a trip to planet a-s-s-whup!" With that Kid Rock rushes the ring, he's not even going to wait for the other competitors!
Kid Rock slides under the ropes but is cut off by Reaver (Ant) who stomps away on his back. Kid Rock has his adreneline pumping though and battles his way up to his feet before trading blows with the CAW commisioner. "This ain't right" states Hawk (Afro Joe) on comentarty, "OOOOH OOOOH AAAH AAAH" the Cong Man intelligently replies. Look out though, here comes our third competitor! A huge block of Swiss Cheese appears on the Titan-Tron, spinning in rendered 3D and in perfect animation crashes through the screen, coinciding with a huge pyrotechnical explosion, heralding the arrival of Mouldy Cheese sprinting his way to the ring as the arena is bathed in yellow light!
Back in the ring Kid Rock hits a belly-to-belly suplex on Reaver. He celebrates a little too early though and gets hit over the back of the head with a huge plastic block of cheese that The Mouldy One grabbed from a fan on his way to the ring. Referee Teddy Long is powerless to do anything about this, thanks to Reaver making this a no disqualification match! Reaver is now back on his feet and is helping Mouldy Cheese stomp away on the floored Kid Rock. Cheese and Reaver drag Kid Rock back to his feet. Reaver locks Kid Rock in a waist-lock and goes for a German Suplex, as Kid Rock is coming down though, Mouldy Cheese hits a neck breaker! "Oh My God, that was brutal!" exclaims Hawk "OOh AAAAH, AAAAH" Replies Cong, as Hawk chuckles away to himself.
Here comes another contender, the arena goes dark. "Please, tell me what's on your mind?" Whispers a slightly disturbing sounding voice and when the lights go up Mouldy Cheese and Reaver (Ant) are lying on the match clutching their heads as the Psychiatrist (MikeAll) stands, with his arms folded, clad in a long lab coat in the middle of the ring. The fans cheer wildly as The Psychiatrist helps Kid Rock back to his feet, only to lock him straight into a piledriver! The fans boo. The psychiatrist looks unpurturbed as he stands in the middle of the ring, surveying the devastation that he has just caused!
The sound of a plane taking off now fills the arena, before Jetster's music booms through the state-of-the-art PA system. The Psychiatrist stands facing the Titan-Tron motioning to Jetster to just bring it. But Jetster is nowhere to be seen. Nowhere that is, until the camera pans upward and Jetster is seen stood atop the Titan-Tron! Thats a good 50 feet up in the air!!! Jetster jumps off the Titan-Tron and ‘flies’ toward the ring, aided by some support wires virtually invisible the human eye. The Psychiatrist stands looking stunned, so stunned in fact that he fails to get out of the way of a flying punch from Jetster that he had seen coming for what seemed like an eternity! Jetster stands in the middle of the ring, unclipping himself from his safety harness. He manages this just in time to be caught by another German Suplex/neck-breaker combination from Reaver and Mouldy Cheese. Jetster looks hurt!
Once again the lights go out in the arena. They are down for what seems like an eternity and a number of screams and thuds can be heard from the ring before they finally come back up on The Darksider stood in the centre of the ring, with the other five competitors lying on the ground clutching various parts of their anatomies! The Darksider drags Mouldy Cheese to his feet and hits a big suplex. Meanwhile Kid Rock has rolled to the outside and has dragged Reaver (Ant) with him and they are trading punches out on the floor! Jetster and the Psychiatrist are still flat out on the mat. Kid Rock and Reaver continue to trade punches all the way up the ramp, before disappearing through the curtain into the backstage area! Darksider clotheslines the Psychiatrist to the floor!
A camera crew led by Lilian Garcia immediately picks up on Kid Rock and Reaver (Ant) as they battle their way through the corridors in the backstage area. “Get him back in the ring, you can’t pin him out there!” advises The King. “The commish knows what he’s doing” retorts Hawk (AfroJoe), “Ooooooh oooooh aaaaahhhh aaaaah” “Yep, that’s right Cong.” Hawk adds “Erm..” says Jim Ross..struggling to find the words!. Meanwhile back in the ring, The Darksider has Mouldy Cheese in a waist-lock and he hits an overhead release German suplex., The Mouldy one flies across the ring, lands on the back of his neck and crumples into a heap! The Psychiatrist (MikeAll) nails Jet with a huge head-butt that sends the Jetster staggering backwards over the ropes and to the floor! Jetster rolls backwards after hitting the mats and whacks his head against the protective barriers! The Psychiatrist goes up to the top and launches himself at Jetster, “OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!!” Screams Jim Ross, The Psychoanaliser to the floor!!! Both men are in absolute agony out there after The Psychiatrist used his own head as a weapon and found his mark!
Mouldy Cheese and The Darksider trade blows in the ring as referee Teddy Long rushes to the outside to check on the condition of The Psychiatrist and Jetster. Darksider gets the better of the exchange and grabs Mouldy Cheese by the throat! “Ooooh ooooh AAAAHHHH” Screeches the Cong Man as he dumps his headphones on the desk before picking up the chair he is sat on and rushing into the ring. Darksider has Mouldy Cheese off his feet and up on his shoulder set up for the Darkside Doomsday Devasta! But, CLANG! Cong Man with a vile chair shot to the Darksider, The Darksider drops Mouldy Cheese, but turns to face The Hardcore Gorilla, whose chair shot has had little effect, Darksider grabs Cong By the throat! “LOW BLOW, LOW BLOW, LOW BLOW!!!” Screams Jim Ross as Cheese hits a distinctly sensitive area of The Darksiders’ anatomy! The Cong Man scampers out of the ring as Mouldy Cheese hits a double underhook piledriver on the Darksider. Mouldy Cheese pulls the Darksider back to his feet and locks in the Mouldmission just as the referee turns around. The Darksider isn’t submitting though. Cheese keeps the hold locked in!
The Referee turns to see Hawk(AfroJoe) stood on the ring apron. Teddy Long goes over to Hawk and tries to get him to leave the apron, but while the ref is distracted the Cong Man has re-entered the ring, chair in hand. CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! That’s TEN!!! Ten vile chair shots to the head of the Darksider who is still locked in the Mouldmission and unable to do anything to prevent it. Hawk and The Cong Man leave the ring and return the commentary position. Teddy Long goes to check on the condition of the Darksider who has been locked in the Mouldmission for what seem like an eternity. Upon finding no signs of life in The Darksider whatsoever Timmy White has no choice but to call for the first elimination of this match.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Referee Teddy Long has deemed the Darkisder unfit to continue, therefore he has been eliminated from this match-up!”
A Team of medics rush from the back and put The Darksider on a stretcher as Mouldy Cheese celebrates in the centre of the ring. The fans attention switches to the Titan-Tron where Lilian Garcia is stood in what looks like the showers as Kid Rock and Reaver have fought their way under the showers which are tunred on! Lilian Garcia doesn’t want to get wet and hasn’t followed them! Suddenly Kid Rock comes flying out from under the showers, courtsey of a spear from Reaver! Lililan doesn’t have time to get out of the way and all three go tumbling into a communal bath! The King, notices that Lillian’s white top has now gone rather see-through! “PUPPIES!” he screams over-excitedly! “OOOOH OOOH AAAH AAHHH!” Screams Cong, also very excitedly!
Meanwhile, back in the ring. The Psychiatrist has just about managed to shake off the cobwebs and has crawled back into the ring. He gets cut off by a series of stomps from Mouldy Cheese though, but manages to fight his way up to his feet and begins trading blows with the Mouldy One. Jetster is on the apron though, he pulls back on the ropes, jumps onto the top of the ropes swivels through 180º and in one perfect motion hits a moonsault on to The Psychiatrist and Mouldy Cheese, wiping them both out! Jetster is quickly back to his feet and he goes over to the corner jumping straight up to the top rope! He launches himself at the Psychiatrist, big splash!!! No, the Psychiatrist moved! Jetster crashes into the mat and Mouldy Cheese takes advantage immediately locking him in a fujiwara arm bar! Is he going to tap? Jetster is screaming out in agony! Referee Timmy White is checking in with him, buthe’s not tapping out, he is however a long way from the ropes! The Psychiatrist has gone up top, whats he up to? ”OH MY GOD” Psychoanalizer again! Straight to the back of the head of Jetster who was prone in the fujiwara armbar position. The Pyschiatrist rolls around in agony as well! Mouldy Cheese keeps the armbar locked in, despite the fact that it looks as though Jetster has been TKO’d! Teddy Long checks in with Jetster and gets no response, he raises the arm once, it falls to the mat. Twice, it falls to the mat. Three times it falls to the mat. Teddy Long calls for the bell
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Jetster has been eliminated from this match up!”
The men with the stretcher come running back to the ring, this time to carry Jetster away. Mouldy Cheese celebrates momentarily, but he then notices The Psychiatrist still down and goes to make the cover! He hooks the leg.. .. ..1.. .. .. 2.. .. .. The Psychiatrist just, and I mean just, kicks out at 2 and nine tenths! Mouldy Cheese pounds the ring in frustration. He picks the Psychiatrist right back up and goes for a piledriver! The psychiatrist is too heavy though and The Mouldy one bends backwards under the weight. The Psychiatrists’ feet touch the floor and he hauls Mouldy cheese up for a piledriver, but before he drives him down he repositions his hands locking them together, CRADLE PILEDRIVER!!! Psychiatrist falls on top of Cheese exhausted by the effort.. 1.. .. 2.. .. .. 3. The Psychiatrist (Mikeall) has pinned Mouldy Cheese!!!
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Mouldy Cheese has been eliminated from this match up!”
Before the Psychiatrist has time to recover Ant (Reaver) comes flying over the protective barriers behind JR and The King courtesy of a Kid Rock clothesline. Lilian Garcia is still in pursuit and still looking rather soggy. Ant makes his way into the ring as he attempts to escape Kid Rock but wanders straight into a DDT from the Psychiatrist! Kid Rock runs past Ant on his way into the ring but gets caught by a baseball slide drop-kick form the Psychiatrist, right on the head! Kid Rock staggers backwards and land on top on Reaver (Ant).
Reaver and Kid Rock are soon back to their feet and trading punches. But, keep your eye on the Psychiatrist, he runs backwards onto the ropes, bounces off and runs full speed towards in Reaver and Kid Rocks direction, he hits ANOTHER baseball slide dropkick which send Reaver all the way over the protective barriers! Kid Rock turns and sees The Psychiatrist caught in the ropes and yanks both his legs crotching him on the bottom rope! The Psychiatrist (Mikeall) clutches at his grapefruits!
Kid Rock jumps on to the apron first and then to the top rope, almost in one motion and jumps in the direction of The Psychiatrist, hitting a picture perfect jumping hurracanrana! This Kid is money! That was sweet! The best hurricanrana I have ever seen! Kid Rock makes the cover 1 2 3!
“Ladies and Gentlemen, The Psychiatrist has been eliminated from this match up!”
Kid Rock turns and sees his arch-nemesis The Cong Man running across the ring at him, in full view of Referee Teddy Long! Kid Rock sidesteps the charging gorilla at the last minute and The King of Barbed Wire crashes over the top rope to the floor, unfortunately landing on his own chair and knocking himself sensless! Hawk runs across to check on his tag-team partner. Reaver has made his way back into the ring. Referee Teddy Long goes to the ropes and is begins jaw-jacking with Hawk.
Reaver put his hand down his pants!!! Oh my god he’s not going to..?Aah, it’s OK he’s just reaching for a foreign object! Reaver pulls a short length of chain out of his pants and goes to hit Kid Rock with it! Kid Rock ducks the punch and kicks Reaver in the stomach. MONEY MAKER!!! This ones over, oh no it isn’t Reaver rolled to the outside! A lucky break for the commissioner there! Kid Rock looks down and sees Reaver’s chain, he picks it up and wraps it around his knuckles! The crowd goes bananas! Reaver climbs back into the ring and Kid Rock clocks him, right on the jaw!!! Reaver collapses backwards. Kid Rock makes the pin 1 2 and Teddy Long stops making the count, he’s seen the chain around Kid Rocks knuckles and he calls for the bell!
“Ladies and Gentlemen, The Referee has disqualified Kid Rock, therefore your winner of the match, Reaver (Ant)!”
At this Kid Rock goes ballistic! He pummels Reaver with the chain, before removing it from his knuckles and whipping the commissioner with it. Kid Rock goes to the outside and fetches a chair in, CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! Kid Rock is trying to seriously injure Reaver!!! Here comes Hawk though, but Kid Rock raises the chair to him! Hawk is desperately trying to talk Kid Rock down from giving anymore punishment, but CLANG!!! The Cong Man from behind with, OH MY GOD?!? What is that?!? It’s a steel chair wrapped in Barbed wire!!! Kid Rock slumps in to a heap. The Cong Man hits him a couple more times with the chair, before three quarters of the faction now known as the Four elements head to the back. Kid Rock just lies in the centre of the ring, bleeding from multiple wounds courtesy of The Cong Man’s customised chair.
Jim Ross sits in silence appalled at what he just saw, even the King is stuck for words. A panicking producer calls for a commercial break...
**************************
Epic huh?
Thanks for reading (8-(I)
See youa ll in a months time (ie when you finish reading it!)
You know...I put so much into writing that match, that everything else is going to seem like an anti-climax now...well, until the next PPV that is ;)
Grandprix wrote:
> Okay, I read the whole match and I have to say that it was exceptionally well
> written and I could visualise it all happening but I have one slight problem
> with the match.
Reaver came out at the start and said that it would be a no
> DQ match. However, the ref DQ'd Kid Rock at the end.
Yep...obviously the referee needs firing...
*shifts the blame...*
> Okay, I read the whole match and I have to say that it was exceptionally well
> written and I could visualise it all happening but I have one slight problem
> with the match.
Reaver came out at the start and said that it would be a no
> DQ match. However, the ref DQ'd Kid Rock at the end.
Yep...obviously the referee needs firing...
*shifts the blame...*
The match was brilliant, a great way to deal with the huge number of competitors. When will Reaver learn to play by his own rules? I will fight the system and he is the system. If Kid Rock and Reaver hadn't have been hiding in the showers I could have won.
Great match there Congy, even with that hiccup at the end.
CAW definately is your strong point.
So who gets to write a Update then Ant or in fact which people as any good match gets a Update so i have heard.
CAW definately is your strong point.
So who gets to write a Update then Ant or in fact which people as any good match gets a Update so i have heard.
That is probably the funniest match I've ever read!1 The bit where I spear KR into Lilian, I can imagine it perfectly!! :D
As always Congie, your strongest point is the ability to visualise the match. I could do that all the way through, and it was non-stop action. Brilliant stuff, a definite contender for best match of Burnout.
Only problem is that I won (YESSS!!!) thanks to a DQ, where as you said earlier it was a no DQ match. However, if it was a mistake, no worries at all, I've made enough. Like when I accidently made my elimination match a fatal 4-way, just out of stupidity. {:)
Top stuff.
As always Congie, your strongest point is the ability to visualise the match. I could do that all the way through, and it was non-stop action. Brilliant stuff, a definite contender for best match of Burnout.
Only problem is that I won (YESSS!!!) thanks to a DQ, where as you said earlier it was a no DQ match. However, if it was a mistake, no worries at all, I've made enough. Like when I accidently made my elimination match a fatal 4-way, just out of stupidity. {:)
Top stuff.
Phew, read it all, good match Cong Man I liked the humour too, forigen object indeed ;-)
I didn't know Gorrilas liked small dogs? (puppies) Ho ho ho I'm so funny.
Anyway..
Top match there my friend lots of nice action except for maybe that little hiccup at the end :-P
Still very well done!
I didn't know Gorrilas liked small dogs? (puppies) Ho ho ho I'm so funny.
Anyway..
Top match there my friend lots of nice action except for maybe that little hiccup at the end :-P
Still very well done!
Great match Cong Man!!!
That was very well written and it was also as action packed as you could want. That is (along with Andy's) a contender for match of Burnout.
Brilliant stuff!
I agree with GP though, KR shouldn't have got DQ'd but I suppose we can forgive that. :D
That was very well written and it was also as action packed as you could want. That is (along with Andy's) a contender for match of Burnout.
Brilliant stuff!
I agree with GP though, KR shouldn't have got DQ'd but I suppose we can forgive that. :D
Okay, I read the whole match and I have to say that it was exceptionally well written and I could visualise it all happening but I have one slight problem with the match.
Reaver came out at the start and said that it would be a no DQ match. However, the ref DQ'd Kid Rock at the end.
Reaver came out at the start and said that it would be a no DQ match. However, the ref DQ'd Kid Rock at the end.
CAW Crazy Match: Winner gets title shot of their choice
Darksider (Lord Of Darkness) vs Kid Rock vs The Physchiatrist (MikeAll) vs Jetster vs Mouldy Cheese vs Reaver (Ant)
Here at Burnout, things have been really great so far! We’ve seen confusing and controversial ends to the Tag-Team and Intercontinental title matches. Longy successfully defend his CAW title in a classic encounter and we still have the Hell In A Cell match for the WWF title to come. But now we have one of our feature attractions, a CAW crazy match, featuring six CAW superstars all in one ring at the same time, every man for himself!!! The match will be competed under elimination rules, so when a superstar is pinned, he is out of the match.
A slow, dignified piece of music played as our 'honorable' CAW commisioner Reaver (Ant) makes his way out from beneath the Titan-Tron. As usual he's brought his 'heavies with him, he is flanked by Da Animalz of Doom (The Cong Man and Hawk (AfroJoe) as well as his ‘kittens’. Most of the fans are booing, but some are waving giant inflatable bananas with a Fyffes style label on them which read 'Cong Man, produce of The Congo'. This is quite puzzling, but a great merchandising opportunity! Reaver makes his way into the ring as Hawk and The Cong Man go over to the announcers table to join Jim Ross and The King! Reaver sends his kittens to the back.
Reaver takes the microphone from Ring Announcer Bob Artese. "Good evening to all my fans here in the Special Reserve arena" 'WHAT?!?' scream the fans. "How Rude" Ant reacts. 'WHAT?!?' scream the fans again. "Right, if you’re going to be like that...."'WHAT!?!'"I've just decided to make this match a no-disqualification match. Hope you're all proud of yourselves."
The fans go crazy as Kid Rocks’ music hits, appropriately, it's by his namesake. Kid Rock emerges through the curtain, and is visibly excited by the reception he just received. He looks in the best shape of his career, he's also carrying a microphone! "Hey Ant! I think I speak for everyone in this arena, from the oldest Granny, to the youngest child when I say...I think we've all had enough of you and your cronies antics, prepare for a trip to planet a-s-s-whup!" With that Kid Rock rushes the ring, he's not even going to wait for the other competitors!
Kid Rock slides under the ropes but is cut off by Reaver (Ant) who stomps away on his back. Kid Rock has his adreneline pumping though and battles his way up to his feet before trading blows with the CAW commisioner. "This ain't right" states Hawk (Afro Joe) on comentarty, "OOOOH OOOOH AAAH AAAH" the Cong Man intelligently replies. Look out though, here comes our third competitor! A huge block of Swiss Cheese appears on the Titan-Tron, spinning in rendered 3D and in perfect animation crashes through the screen, coinciding with a huge pyrotechnical explosion, heralding the arrival of Mouldy Cheese sprinting his way to the ring as the arena is bathed in yellow light!
Back in the ring Kid Rock hits a belly-to-belly suplex on Reaver. He celebrates a little too early though and gets hit over the back of the head with a huge plastic block of cheese that The Mouldy One grabbed from a fan on his way to the ring. Referee Teddy Long is powerless to do anything about this, thanks to Reaver making this a no disqualification match! Reaver is now back on his feet and is helping Mouldy Cheese stomp away on the floored Kid Rock. Cheese and Reaver drag Kid Rock back to his feet. Reaver locks Kid Rock in a waist-lock and goes for a German Suplex, as Kid Rock is coming down though, Mouldy Cheese hits a neck breaker! "Oh My God, that was brutal!" exclaims Hawk "OOh AAAAH, AAAAH" Replies Cong, as Hawk chuckles away to himself.
Here comes another contender, the arena goes dark. "Please, tell me what's on your mind?" Whispers a slightly disturbing sounding voice and when the lights go up Mouldy Cheese and Reaver (Ant) are lying on the match clutching their heads as the Psychiatrist (MikeAll) stands, with his arms folded, clad in a long lab coat in the middle of the ring. The fans cheer wildly as The Psychiatrist helps Kid Rock back to his feet, only to lock him straight into a piledriver! The fans boo. The psychiatrist looks unpurturbed as he stands in the middle of the ring, surveying the devastation that he has just caused!
The sound of a plane taking off now fills the arena, before Jetster's music booms through the state-of-the-art PA system. The Psychiatrist stands facing the Titan-Tron motioning to Jetster to just bring it. But Jetster is nowhere to be seen. Nowhere that is, until the camera pans upward and Jetster is seen stood atop the Titan-Tron! Thats a good 50 feet up in the air!!! Jetster jumps off the Titan-Tron and ‘flies’ toward the ring, aided by some support wires virtually invisible the human eye. The Psychiatrist stands looking stunned, so stunned in fact that he fails to get out of the way of a flying punch from Jetster that he had seen coming for what seemed like an eternity! Jetster stands in the middle of the ring, unclipping himself from his safety harness. He manages this just in time to be caught by another German Suplex/neck-breaker combination from Reaver and Mouldy Cheese. Jetster looks hurt!
Once again the lights go out in the arena. They are down for what seems like an eternity and a number of screams and thuds can be heard from the ring before they finally come back up on The Darksider stood in the centre of the ring, with the other five competitors lying on the ground clutching various parts of their anatomies! The Darksider drags Mouldy Cheese to his feet and hits a big suplex. Meanwhile Kid Rock has rolled to the outside and has dragged Reaver (Ant) with him and they are trading punches out on the floor! Jetster and the Psychiatrist are still flat out on the mat. Kid Rock and Reaver continue to trade punches all the way up the ramp, before disappearing through the curtain into the backstage area! Darksider clotheslines the Psychiatrist to the floor!
A camera crew led by Lilian Garcia immediately picks up on Kid Rock and Reaver (Ant) as they battle their way through the corridors in the backstage area. “Get him back in the ring, you can’t pin him out there!” advises The King. “The commish knows what he’s doing” retorts Hawk (AfroJoe), “Ooooooh oooooh aaaaahhhh aaaaah” “Yep, that’s right Cong.” Hawk adds “Erm..” says Jim Ross..struggling to find the words!. Meanwhile back in the ring, The Darksider has Mouldy Cheese in a waist-lock and he hits an overhead release German suplex., The Mouldy one flies across the ring, lands on the back of his neck and crumples into a heap! The Psychiatrist (MikeAll) nails Jet with a huge head-butt that sends the Jetster staggering backwards over the ropes and to the floor! Jetster rolls backwards after hitting the mats and whacks his head against the protective barriers! The Psychiatrist goes up to the top and launches himself at Jetster, “OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!!” Screams Jim Ross, The Psychoanaliser to the floor!!! Both men are in absolute agony out there after The Psychiatrist used his own head as a weapon and found his mark!
Mouldy Cheese and The Darksider trade blows in the ring as referee Teddy Long rushes to the outside to check on the condition of The Psychiatrist and Jetster. Darksider gets the better of the exchange and grabs Mouldy Cheese by the throat! “Ooooh ooooh AAAAHHHH” Screeches the Cong Man as he dumps his headphones on the desk before picking up the chair he is sat on and rushing into the ring. Darksider has Mouldy Cheese off his feet and up on his shoulder set up for the Darkside Doomsday Devasta! But, CLANG! Cong Man with a vile chair shot to the Darksider, The Darksider drops Mouldy Cheese, but turns to face The Hardcore Gorilla, whose chair shot has had little effect, Darksider grabs Cong By the throat! “LOW BLOW, LOW BLOW, LOW BLOW!!!” Screams Jim Ross as Cheese hits a distinctly sensitive area of The Darksiders’ anatomy! The Cong Man scampers out of the ring as Mouldy Cheese hits a double underhook piledriver on the Darksider. Mouldy Cheese pulls the Darksider back to his feet and locks in the Mouldmission just as the referee turns around. The Darksider isn’t submitting though. Cheese keeps the hold locked in!
The Referee turns to see Hawk(AfroJoe) stood on the ring apron. Teddy Long goes over to Hawk and tries to get him to leave the apron, but while the ref is distracted the Cong Man has re-entered the ring, chair in hand. CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! That’s TEN!!! Ten vile chair shots to the head of the Darksider who is still locked in the Mouldmission and unable to do anything to prevent it. Hawk and The Cong Man leave the ring and return the commentary position. Teddy Long goes to check on the condition of the Darksider who has been locked in the Mouldmission for what seem like an eternity. Upon finding no signs of life in The Darksider whatsoever Timmy White has no choice but to call for the first elimination of this match.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Referee Teddy Long has deemed the Darkisder unfit to continue, therefore he has been eliminated from this match-up!”
A Team of medics rush from the back and put The Darksider on a stretcher as Mouldy Cheese celebrates in the centre of the ring. The fans attention switches to the Titan-Tron where Lilian Garcia is stood in what looks like the showers as Kid Rock and Reaver have fought their way under the showers which are tunred on! Lilian Garcia doesn’t want to get wet and hasn’t followed them! Suddenly Kid Rock comes flying out from under the showers, courtsey of a spear from Reaver! Lililan doesn’t have time to get out of the way and all three go tumbling into a communal bath! The King, notices that Lillian’s white top has now gone rather see-through! “PUPPIES!” he screams over-excitedly! “OOOOH OOOH AAAH AAHHH!” Screams Cong, also very excitedly!
Meanwhile, back in the ring. The Psychiatrist has just about managed to shake off the cobwebs and has crawled back into the ring. He gets cut off by a series of stomps from Mouldy Cheese though, but manages to fight his way up to his feet and begins trading blows with the Mouldy One. Jetster is on the apron though, he pulls back on the ropes, jumps onto the top of the ropes swivels through 180º and in one perfect motion hits a moonsault on to The Psychiatrist and Mouldy Cheese, wiping them both out! Jetster is quickly back to his feet and he goes over to the corner jumping straight up to the top rope! He launches himself at the Psychiatrist, big splash!!! No, the Psychiatrist moved! Jetster crashes into the mat and Mouldy Cheese takes advantage immediately locking him in a fujiwara arm bar! Is he going to tap? Jetster is screaming out in agony! Referee Timmy White is checking in with him, buthe’s not tapping out, he is however a long way from the ropes! The Psychiatrist has gone up top, whats he up to? ”OH MY GOD” Psychoanalizer again! Straight to the back of the head of Jetster who was prone in the fujiwara armbar position. The Pyschiatrist rolls around in agony as well! Mouldy Cheese keeps the armbar locked in, despite the fact that it looks as though Jetster has been TKO’d! Teddy Long checks in with Jetster and gets no response, he raises the arm once, it falls to the mat. Twice, it falls to the mat. Three times it falls to the mat. Teddy Long calls for the bell
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Jetster has been eliminated from this match up!”
The men with the stretcher come running back to the ring, this time to carry Jetster away. Mouldy Cheese celebrates momentarily, but he then notices The Psychiatrist still down and goes to make the cover! He hooks the leg.. .. ..1.. .. .. 2.. .. .. The Psychiatrist just, and I mean just, kicks out at 2 and nine tenths! Mouldy Cheese pounds the ring in frustration. He picks the Psychiatrist right back up and goes for a piledriver! The psychiatrist is too heavy though and The Mouldy one bends backwards under the weight. The Psychiatrists’ feet touch the floor and he hauls Mouldy cheese up for a piledriver, but before he drives him down he repositions his hands locking them together, CRADLE PILEDRIVER!!! Psychiatrist falls on top of Cheese exhausted by the effort.. 1.. .. 2.. .. .. 3. The Psychiatrist (Mikeall) has pinned Mouldy Cheese!!!
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Mouldy Cheese has been eliminated from this match up!”
Before the Psychiatrist has time to recover Ant (Reaver) comes flying over the protective barriers behind JR and The King courtesy of a Kid Rock clothesline. Lilian Garcia is still in pursuit and still looking rather soggy. Ant makes his way into the ring as he attempts to escape Kid Rock but wanders straight into a DDT from the Psychiatrist! Kid Rock runs past Ant on his way into the ring but gets caught by a baseball slide drop-kick form the Psychiatrist, right on the head! Kid Rock staggers backwards and land on top on Reaver (Ant).
Reaver and Kid Rock are soon back to their feet and trading punches. But, keep your eye on the Psychiatrist, he runs backwards onto the ropes, bounces off and runs full speed towards in Reaver and Kid Rocks direction, he hits ANOTHER baseball slide dropkick which send Reaver all the way over the protective barriers! Kid Rock turns and sees The Psychiatrist caught in the ropes and yanks both his legs crotching him on the bottom rope! The Psychiatrist (Mikeall) clutches at his grapefruits!
Kid Rock jumps on to the apron first and then to the top rope, almost in one motion and jumps in the direction of The Psychiatrist, hitting a picture perfect jumping hurracanrana! This Kid is money! That was sweet! The best hurricanrana I have ever seen! Kid Rock makes the cover 1 2 3!
“Ladies and Gentlemen, The Psychiatrist has been eliminated from this match up!”
Kid Rock turns and sees his arch-nemesis The Cong Man running across the ring at him, in full view of Referee Teddy Long! Kid Rock sidesteps the charging gorilla at the last minute and The King of Barbed Wire crashes over the top rope to the floor, unfortunately landing on his own chair and knocking himself sensless! Hawk runs across to check on his tag-team partner. Reaver has made his way back into the ring. Referee Teddy Long goes to the ropes and is begins jaw-jacking with Hawk.
Reaver put his hand down his pants!!! Oh my god he’s not going to..?Aah, it’s OK he’s just reaching for a foreign object! Reaver pulls a short length of chain out of his pants and goes to hit Kid Rock with it! Kid Rock ducks the punch and kicks Reaver in the stomach. MONEY MAKER!!! This ones over, oh no it isn’t Reaver rolled to the outside! A lucky break for the commissioner there! Kid Rock looks down and sees Reaver’s chain, he picks it up and wraps it around his knuckles! The crowd goes bananas! Reaver climbs back into the ring and Kid Rock clocks him, right on the jaw!!! Reaver collapses backwards. Kid Rock makes the pin 1 2 and Teddy Long stops making the count, he’s seen the chain around Kid Rocks knuckles and he calls for the bell!
“Ladies and Gentlemen, The Referee has disqualified Kid Rock, therefore your winner of the match, Reaver (Ant)!”
At this Kid Rock goes ballistic! He pummels Reaver with the chain, before removing it from his knuckles and whipping the commissioner with it. Kid Rock goes to the outside and fetches a chair in, CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! Kid Rock is trying to seriously injure Reaver!!! Here comes Hawk though, but Kid Rock raises the chair to him! Hawk is desperately trying to talk Kid Rock down from giving anymore punishment, but CLANG!!! The Cong Man from behind with, OH MY GOD?!? What is that?!? It’s a steel chair wrapped in Barbed wire!!! Kid Rock slumps in to a heap. The Cong Man hits him a couple more times with the chair, before three quarters of the faction now known as the Four elements head to the back. Kid Rock just lies in the centre of the ring, bleeding from multiple wounds courtesy of The Cong Man’s customised chair.
Jim Ross sits in silence appalled at what he just saw, even the King is stuck for words. A panicking producer calls for a commercial break...
**************************
Epic huh?
Thanks for reading (8-(I)
See youa ll in a months time (ie when you finish reading it!)
Darksider (Lord Of Darkness) vs Kid Rock vs The Physchiatrist (MikeAll) vs Jetster vs Mouldy Cheese vs Reaver (Ant)
Here at Burnout, things have been really great so far! We’ve seen confusing and controversial ends to the Tag-Team and Intercontinental title matches. Longy successfully defend his CAW title in a classic encounter and we still have the Hell In A Cell match for the WWF title to come. But now we have one of our feature attractions, a CAW crazy match, featuring six CAW superstars all in one ring at the same time, every man for himself!!! The match will be competed under elimination rules, so when a superstar is pinned, he is out of the match.
A slow, dignified piece of music played as our 'honorable' CAW commisioner Reaver (Ant) makes his way out from beneath the Titan-Tron. As usual he's brought his 'heavies with him, he is flanked by Da Animalz of Doom (The Cong Man and Hawk (AfroJoe) as well as his ‘kittens’. Most of the fans are booing, but some are waving giant inflatable bananas with a Fyffes style label on them which read 'Cong Man, produce of The Congo'. This is quite puzzling, but a great merchandising opportunity! Reaver makes his way into the ring as Hawk and The Cong Man go over to the announcers table to join Jim Ross and The King! Reaver sends his kittens to the back.
Reaver takes the microphone from Ring Announcer Bob Artese. "Good evening to all my fans here in the Special Reserve arena" 'WHAT?!?' scream the fans. "How Rude" Ant reacts. 'WHAT?!?' scream the fans again. "Right, if you’re going to be like that...."'WHAT!?!'"I've just decided to make this match a no-disqualification match. Hope you're all proud of yourselves."
The fans go crazy as Kid Rocks’ music hits, appropriately, it's by his namesake. Kid Rock emerges through the curtain, and is visibly excited by the reception he just received. He looks in the best shape of his career, he's also carrying a microphone! "Hey Ant! I think I speak for everyone in this arena, from the oldest Granny, to the youngest child when I say...I think we've all had enough of you and your cronies antics, prepare for a trip to planet a-s-s-whup!" With that Kid Rock rushes the ring, he's not even going to wait for the other competitors!
Kid Rock slides under the ropes but is cut off by Reaver (Ant) who stomps away on his back. Kid Rock has his adreneline pumping though and battles his way up to his feet before trading blows with the CAW commisioner. "This ain't right" states Hawk (Afro Joe) on comentarty, "OOOOH OOOOH AAAH AAAH" the Cong Man intelligently replies. Look out though, here comes our third competitor! A huge block of Swiss Cheese appears on the Titan-Tron, spinning in rendered 3D and in perfect animation crashes through the screen, coinciding with a huge pyrotechnical explosion, heralding the arrival of Mouldy Cheese sprinting his way to the ring as the arena is bathed in yellow light!
Back in the ring Kid Rock hits a belly-to-belly suplex on Reaver. He celebrates a little too early though and gets hit over the back of the head with a huge plastic block of cheese that The Mouldy One grabbed from a fan on his way to the ring. Referee Teddy Long is powerless to do anything about this, thanks to Reaver making this a no disqualification match! Reaver is now back on his feet and is helping Mouldy Cheese stomp away on the floored Kid Rock. Cheese and Reaver drag Kid Rock back to his feet. Reaver locks Kid Rock in a waist-lock and goes for a German Suplex, as Kid Rock is coming down though, Mouldy Cheese hits a neck breaker! "Oh My God, that was brutal!" exclaims Hawk "OOh AAAAH, AAAAH" Replies Cong, as Hawk chuckles away to himself.
Here comes another contender, the arena goes dark. "Please, tell me what's on your mind?" Whispers a slightly disturbing sounding voice and when the lights go up Mouldy Cheese and Reaver (Ant) are lying on the match clutching their heads as the Psychiatrist (MikeAll) stands, with his arms folded, clad in a long lab coat in the middle of the ring. The fans cheer wildly as The Psychiatrist helps Kid Rock back to his feet, only to lock him straight into a piledriver! The fans boo. The psychiatrist looks unpurturbed as he stands in the middle of the ring, surveying the devastation that he has just caused!
The sound of a plane taking off now fills the arena, before Jetster's music booms through the state-of-the-art PA system. The Psychiatrist stands facing the Titan-Tron motioning to Jetster to just bring it. But Jetster is nowhere to be seen. Nowhere that is, until the camera pans upward and Jetster is seen stood atop the Titan-Tron! Thats a good 50 feet up in the air!!! Jetster jumps off the Titan-Tron and ‘flies’ toward the ring, aided by some support wires virtually invisible the human eye. The Psychiatrist stands looking stunned, so stunned in fact that he fails to get out of the way of a flying punch from Jetster that he had seen coming for what seemed like an eternity! Jetster stands in the middle of the ring, unclipping himself from his safety harness. He manages this just in time to be caught by another German Suplex/neck-breaker combination from Reaver and Mouldy Cheese. Jetster looks hurt!
Once again the lights go out in the arena. They are down for what seems like an eternity and a number of screams and thuds can be heard from the ring before they finally come back up on The Darksider stood in the centre of the ring, with the other five competitors lying on the ground clutching various parts of their anatomies! The Darksider drags Mouldy Cheese to his feet and hits a big suplex. Meanwhile Kid Rock has rolled to the outside and has dragged Reaver (Ant) with him and they are trading punches out on the floor! Jetster and the Psychiatrist are still flat out on the mat. Kid Rock and Reaver continue to trade punches all the way up the ramp, before disappearing through the curtain into the backstage area! Darksider clotheslines the Psychiatrist to the floor!
A camera crew led by Lilian Garcia immediately picks up on Kid Rock and Reaver (Ant) as they battle their way through the corridors in the backstage area. “Get him back in the ring, you can’t pin him out there!” advises The King. “The commish knows what he’s doing” retorts Hawk (AfroJoe), “Ooooooh oooooh aaaaahhhh aaaaah” “Yep, that’s right Cong.” Hawk adds “Erm..” says Jim Ross..struggling to find the words!. Meanwhile back in the ring, The Darksider has Mouldy Cheese in a waist-lock and he hits an overhead release German suplex., The Mouldy one flies across the ring, lands on the back of his neck and crumples into a heap! The Psychiatrist (MikeAll) nails Jet with a huge head-butt that sends the Jetster staggering backwards over the ropes and to the floor! Jetster rolls backwards after hitting the mats and whacks his head against the protective barriers! The Psychiatrist goes up to the top and launches himself at Jetster, “OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!!” Screams Jim Ross, The Psychoanaliser to the floor!!! Both men are in absolute agony out there after The Psychiatrist used his own head as a weapon and found his mark!
Mouldy Cheese and The Darksider trade blows in the ring as referee Teddy Long rushes to the outside to check on the condition of The Psychiatrist and Jetster. Darksider gets the better of the exchange and grabs Mouldy Cheese by the throat! “Ooooh ooooh AAAAHHHH” Screeches the Cong Man as he dumps his headphones on the desk before picking up the chair he is sat on and rushing into the ring. Darksider has Mouldy Cheese off his feet and up on his shoulder set up for the Darkside Doomsday Devasta! But, CLANG! Cong Man with a vile chair shot to the Darksider, The Darksider drops Mouldy Cheese, but turns to face The Hardcore Gorilla, whose chair shot has had little effect, Darksider grabs Cong By the throat! “LOW BLOW, LOW BLOW, LOW BLOW!!!” Screams Jim Ross as Cheese hits a distinctly sensitive area of The Darksiders’ anatomy! The Cong Man scampers out of the ring as Mouldy Cheese hits a double underhook piledriver on the Darksider. Mouldy Cheese pulls the Darksider back to his feet and locks in the Mouldmission just as the referee turns around. The Darksider isn’t submitting though. Cheese keeps the hold locked in!
The Referee turns to see Hawk(AfroJoe) stood on the ring apron. Teddy Long goes over to Hawk and tries to get him to leave the apron, but while the ref is distracted the Cong Man has re-entered the ring, chair in hand. CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! That’s TEN!!! Ten vile chair shots to the head of the Darksider who is still locked in the Mouldmission and unable to do anything to prevent it. Hawk and The Cong Man leave the ring and return the commentary position. Teddy Long goes to check on the condition of the Darksider who has been locked in the Mouldmission for what seem like an eternity. Upon finding no signs of life in The Darksider whatsoever Timmy White has no choice but to call for the first elimination of this match.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Referee Teddy Long has deemed the Darkisder unfit to continue, therefore he has been eliminated from this match-up!”
A Team of medics rush from the back and put The Darksider on a stretcher as Mouldy Cheese celebrates in the centre of the ring. The fans attention switches to the Titan-Tron where Lilian Garcia is stood in what looks like the showers as Kid Rock and Reaver have fought their way under the showers which are tunred on! Lilian Garcia doesn’t want to get wet and hasn’t followed them! Suddenly Kid Rock comes flying out from under the showers, courtsey of a spear from Reaver! Lililan doesn’t have time to get out of the way and all three go tumbling into a communal bath! The King, notices that Lillian’s white top has now gone rather see-through! “PUPPIES!” he screams over-excitedly! “OOOOH OOOH AAAH AAHHH!” Screams Cong, also very excitedly!
Meanwhile, back in the ring. The Psychiatrist has just about managed to shake off the cobwebs and has crawled back into the ring. He gets cut off by a series of stomps from Mouldy Cheese though, but manages to fight his way up to his feet and begins trading blows with the Mouldy One. Jetster is on the apron though, he pulls back on the ropes, jumps onto the top of the ropes swivels through 180º and in one perfect motion hits a moonsault on to The Psychiatrist and Mouldy Cheese, wiping them both out! Jetster is quickly back to his feet and he goes over to the corner jumping straight up to the top rope! He launches himself at the Psychiatrist, big splash!!! No, the Psychiatrist moved! Jetster crashes into the mat and Mouldy Cheese takes advantage immediately locking him in a fujiwara arm bar! Is he going to tap? Jetster is screaming out in agony! Referee Timmy White is checking in with him, buthe’s not tapping out, he is however a long way from the ropes! The Psychiatrist has gone up top, whats he up to? ”OH MY GOD” Psychoanalizer again! Straight to the back of the head of Jetster who was prone in the fujiwara armbar position. The Pyschiatrist rolls around in agony as well! Mouldy Cheese keeps the armbar locked in, despite the fact that it looks as though Jetster has been TKO’d! Teddy Long checks in with Jetster and gets no response, he raises the arm once, it falls to the mat. Twice, it falls to the mat. Three times it falls to the mat. Teddy Long calls for the bell
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Jetster has been eliminated from this match up!”
The men with the stretcher come running back to the ring, this time to carry Jetster away. Mouldy Cheese celebrates momentarily, but he then notices The Psychiatrist still down and goes to make the cover! He hooks the leg.. .. ..1.. .. .. 2.. .. .. The Psychiatrist just, and I mean just, kicks out at 2 and nine tenths! Mouldy Cheese pounds the ring in frustration. He picks the Psychiatrist right back up and goes for a piledriver! The psychiatrist is too heavy though and The Mouldy one bends backwards under the weight. The Psychiatrists’ feet touch the floor and he hauls Mouldy cheese up for a piledriver, but before he drives him down he repositions his hands locking them together, CRADLE PILEDRIVER!!! Psychiatrist falls on top of Cheese exhausted by the effort.. 1.. .. 2.. .. .. 3. The Psychiatrist (Mikeall) has pinned Mouldy Cheese!!!
“Ladies and Gentlemen, Mouldy Cheese has been eliminated from this match up!”
Before the Psychiatrist has time to recover Ant (Reaver) comes flying over the protective barriers behind JR and The King courtesy of a Kid Rock clothesline. Lilian Garcia is still in pursuit and still looking rather soggy. Ant makes his way into the ring as he attempts to escape Kid Rock but wanders straight into a DDT from the Psychiatrist! Kid Rock runs past Ant on his way into the ring but gets caught by a baseball slide drop-kick form the Psychiatrist, right on the head! Kid Rock staggers backwards and land on top on Reaver (Ant).
Reaver and Kid Rock are soon back to their feet and trading punches. But, keep your eye on the Psychiatrist, he runs backwards onto the ropes, bounces off and runs full speed towards in Reaver and Kid Rocks direction, he hits ANOTHER baseball slide dropkick which send Reaver all the way over the protective barriers! Kid Rock turns and sees The Psychiatrist caught in the ropes and yanks both his legs crotching him on the bottom rope! The Psychiatrist (Mikeall) clutches at his grapefruits!
Kid Rock jumps on to the apron first and then to the top rope, almost in one motion and jumps in the direction of The Psychiatrist, hitting a picture perfect jumping hurracanrana! This Kid is money! That was sweet! The best hurricanrana I have ever seen! Kid Rock makes the cover 1 2 3!
“Ladies and Gentlemen, The Psychiatrist has been eliminated from this match up!”
Kid Rock turns and sees his arch-nemesis The Cong Man running across the ring at him, in full view of Referee Teddy Long! Kid Rock sidesteps the charging gorilla at the last minute and The King of Barbed Wire crashes over the top rope to the floor, unfortunately landing on his own chair and knocking himself sensless! Hawk runs across to check on his tag-team partner. Reaver has made his way back into the ring. Referee Teddy Long goes to the ropes and is begins jaw-jacking with Hawk.
Reaver put his hand down his pants!!! Oh my god he’s not going to..?Aah, it’s OK he’s just reaching for a foreign object! Reaver pulls a short length of chain out of his pants and goes to hit Kid Rock with it! Kid Rock ducks the punch and kicks Reaver in the stomach. MONEY MAKER!!! This ones over, oh no it isn’t Reaver rolled to the outside! A lucky break for the commissioner there! Kid Rock looks down and sees Reaver’s chain, he picks it up and wraps it around his knuckles! The crowd goes bananas! Reaver climbs back into the ring and Kid Rock clocks him, right on the jaw!!! Reaver collapses backwards. Kid Rock makes the pin 1 2 and Teddy Long stops making the count, he’s seen the chain around Kid Rocks knuckles and he calls for the bell!
“Ladies and Gentlemen, The Referee has disqualified Kid Rock, therefore your winner of the match, Reaver (Ant)!”
At this Kid Rock goes ballistic! He pummels Reaver with the chain, before removing it from his knuckles and whipping the commissioner with it. Kid Rock goes to the outside and fetches a chair in, CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! Kid Rock is trying to seriously injure Reaver!!! Here comes Hawk though, but Kid Rock raises the chair to him! Hawk is desperately trying to talk Kid Rock down from giving anymore punishment, but CLANG!!! The Cong Man from behind with, OH MY GOD?!? What is that?!? It’s a steel chair wrapped in Barbed wire!!! Kid Rock slumps in to a heap. The Cong Man hits him a couple more times with the chair, before three quarters of the faction now known as the Four elements head to the back. Kid Rock just lies in the centre of the ring, bleeding from multiple wounds courtesy of The Cong Man’s customised chair.
Jim Ross sits in silence appalled at what he just saw, even the King is stuck for words. A panicking producer calls for a commercial break...
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Epic huh?
Thanks for reading (8-(I)
See youa ll in a months time (ie when you finish reading it!)