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Yesterday, in a press conference held before morning mass, Pope Jean-Paul II unveiled the Vatican's first foray into the world of video-gaming. Made exclusively for the X-box by the Vatican's in-house team of programmers, "Deus Ex Machina" looks set to be a smash hit. Judging by the scale of the launch, the Vatican clearly sees the game as a major step in reigniting religious interest in the core atheist demographic of 16-25 year olds.
The launch, held in St. Peter's basilica, started when 200 virgins, dressed in white thongs and "I love Jesus" t-shirts streamed into the room from both sides and formed two columns of purity, through which the Pope was carried on a plinth supported by choirboys singing "Hallelujah". The Pope's entourage was followed by that of Bill Gates, who was also carried on a plinth supported by trained monkeys. Gates, wearing nothing more than a loin cloth, knelt with head bowed and arms raised to hold an X-box aloft to the heavens as he was brought up to the stage. Once this 15 minute-long spectacle had reached its conclusion the press conference began in earnest with each man giving props to the other's product.
The Pope infallibly observed that the X-Box was God's choice of console stating,
"I urge Catholics everywhere to resist the temptations of Satan, manifested in the form of the Gamecube and PS2, God appeared to me in the form of an X-box and told me that those who did not follow his decision would be cast into hell for an eternity of pain and suffering."
Bill Gates was hasty to confirm the Pope's beliefs,
"It's a common mistake to pronounce X-box as 'EX-box'; the correct pronounciation is in fact 'Cross-Box', because it was always intended as the console of holy preference."
"Deus Ex Machina" itself looks set to breathe the holy spirit into the gaming industry, with its stunning visuals and unique gameplay. A conversation with head designer Fred Nietzsche revealed some interesting features of the game:
"We've included three ways to play each level. Firstly you can play as God, who can't die and is omniscient and omnipotent. This means that you can beat each level in roughly five minutes of concentrated holy wrath."
Nietzsche's colleague Gabriel Archangel chipped in:
"the other two playmodes are aimed at the gamin conaisseurs, in one you can take on levels command and conquer style, marshalling the Papal armies against the heathens, or you can play the level FPS style where your aim is to stealthily take out the leaders of the sinners."
The first level has already created massive controversery in the gay community, as it is set in Gommorah, where the objective is to purge the city of homosexuals. Each mode reveals a different tactical approach. As God you can raise the city to the ground, Bible style. Alternatively you can lead ravaging hordes of mercenaries through the streets, or even play the role of the lone angel who was propositioned by the town's male population, which so angered God. George, a spokesman for the gay rights group Rainbow, released the following statement through his spokesman Geoffrey:
"Bungle, you're being very, very naughty."
Other levels set to cause a stir include the assassination of Luther, and destruction of Protestantism mission and the Cesare Borgia missions, where you must assassinate as many of your rivals as possible and conquer half of Europe. The Pope slammed those who criticised the game, terming them "haters". If the game is the commercial success industry analysts predict it will be the Pope says the money will be channeled into the Renaissance pursuit of "the glorification of Rome".
The game is set to be released on Easter Day, the day of the Resurrection, and those pre-ordering in the next week will receive a limited edition copy with bonus levels and a vial of holy water. A top body of golfing experts was reported to be "ecstatic" about the impending release.
The launch, held in St. Peter's basilica, started when 200 virgins, dressed in white thongs and "I love Jesus" t-shirts streamed into the room from both sides and formed two columns of purity, through which the Pope was carried on a plinth supported by choirboys singing "Hallelujah". The Pope's entourage was followed by that of Bill Gates, who was also carried on a plinth supported by trained monkeys. Gates, wearing nothing more than a loin cloth, knelt with head bowed and arms raised to hold an X-box aloft to the heavens as he was brought up to the stage. Once this 15 minute-long spectacle had reached its conclusion the press conference began in earnest with each man giving props to the other's product.
The Pope infallibly observed that the X-Box was God's choice of console stating,
"I urge Catholics everywhere to resist the temptations of Satan, manifested in the form of the Gamecube and PS2, God appeared to me in the form of an X-box and told me that those who did not follow his decision would be cast into hell for an eternity of pain and suffering."
Bill Gates was hasty to confirm the Pope's beliefs,
"It's a common mistake to pronounce X-box as 'EX-box'; the correct pronounciation is in fact 'Cross-Box', because it was always intended as the console of holy preference."
"Deus Ex Machina" itself looks set to breathe the holy spirit into the gaming industry, with its stunning visuals and unique gameplay. A conversation with head designer Fred Nietzsche revealed some interesting features of the game:
"We've included three ways to play each level. Firstly you can play as God, who can't die and is omniscient and omnipotent. This means that you can beat each level in roughly five minutes of concentrated holy wrath."
Nietzsche's colleague Gabriel Archangel chipped in:
"the other two playmodes are aimed at the gamin conaisseurs, in one you can take on levels command and conquer style, marshalling the Papal armies against the heathens, or you can play the level FPS style where your aim is to stealthily take out the leaders of the sinners."
The first level has already created massive controversery in the gay community, as it is set in Gommorah, where the objective is to purge the city of homosexuals. Each mode reveals a different tactical approach. As God you can raise the city to the ground, Bible style. Alternatively you can lead ravaging hordes of mercenaries through the streets, or even play the role of the lone angel who was propositioned by the town's male population, which so angered God. George, a spokesman for the gay rights group Rainbow, released the following statement through his spokesman Geoffrey:
"Bungle, you're being very, very naughty."
Other levels set to cause a stir include the assassination of Luther, and destruction of Protestantism mission and the Cesare Borgia missions, where you must assassinate as many of your rivals as possible and conquer half of Europe. The Pope slammed those who criticised the game, terming them "haters". If the game is the commercial success industry analysts predict it will be the Pope says the money will be channeled into the Renaissance pursuit of "the glorification of Rome".
The game is set to be released on Easter Day, the day of the Resurrection, and those pre-ordering in the next week will receive a limited edition copy with bonus levels and a vial of holy water. A top body of golfing experts was reported to be "ecstatic" about the impending release.
You can hear George's full statement at:
http://www.widdy.demon.co.uk/rainbow/sounds/grumpy.wav
http://www.widdy.demon.co.uk/rainbow/sounds/grumpy.wav
No Rock this time round.
Cross Box.
I like it! :-D
Cross Box.
I like it! :-D
misterhappy wrote:
> Nope, I've been off school a few days now... gee thanks for noticing... This is
> what I do in my convalesence period. Should be back tomorrow, I'm feeling much
> less yucky at the moment.
ahhh... so rather than pretend to do the school network, you're pretending to be ill... i seeeee...
Sonic
> Nope, I've been off school a few days now... gee thanks for noticing... This is
> what I do in my convalesence period. Should be back tomorrow, I'm feeling much
> less yucky at the moment.
ahhh... so rather than pretend to do the school network, you're pretending to be ill... i seeeee...
Sonic
Nope, I've been off school a few days now... gee thanks for noticing... This is what I do in my convalesence period. Should be back tomorrow, I'm feeling much less yucky at the moment.
AHHHHH! So this is what you do when you're meant to be designing the school intranet eh!
Sonic
Sonic
Very good.
Strange imagery.
Strange imagery.
Superb, happy. Wait till Ant sees it, though :-D
Yesterday, in a press conference held before morning mass, Pope Jean-Paul II unveiled the Vatican's first foray into the world of video-gaming. Made exclusively for the X-box by the Vatican's in-house team of programmers, "Deus Ex Machina" looks set to be a smash hit. Judging by the scale of the launch, the Vatican clearly sees the game as a major step in reigniting religious interest in the core atheist demographic of 16-25 year olds.
The launch, held in St. Peter's basilica, started when 200 virgins, dressed in white thongs and "I love Jesus" t-shirts streamed into the room from both sides and formed two columns of purity, through which the Pope was carried on a plinth supported by choirboys singing "Hallelujah". The Pope's entourage was followed by that of Bill Gates, who was also carried on a plinth supported by trained monkeys. Gates, wearing nothing more than a loin cloth, knelt with head bowed and arms raised to hold an X-box aloft to the heavens as he was brought up to the stage. Once this 15 minute-long spectacle had reached its conclusion the press conference began in earnest with each man giving props to the other's product.
The Pope infallibly observed that the X-Box was God's choice of console stating,
"I urge Catholics everywhere to resist the temptations of Satan, manifested in the form of the Gamecube and PS2, God appeared to me in the form of an X-box and told me that those who did not follow his decision would be cast into hell for an eternity of pain and suffering."
Bill Gates was hasty to confirm the Pope's beliefs,
"It's a common mistake to pronounce X-box as 'EX-box'; the correct pronounciation is in fact 'Cross-Box', because it was always intended as the console of holy preference."
"Deus Ex Machina" itself looks set to breathe the holy spirit into the gaming industry, with its stunning visuals and unique gameplay. A conversation with head designer Fred Nietzsche revealed some interesting features of the game:
"We've included three ways to play each level. Firstly you can play as God, who can't die and is omniscient and omnipotent. This means that you can beat each level in roughly five minutes of concentrated holy wrath."
Nietzsche's colleague Gabriel Archangel chipped in:
"the other two playmodes are aimed at the gamin conaisseurs, in one you can take on levels command and conquer style, marshalling the Papal armies against the heathens, or you can play the level FPS style where your aim is to stealthily take out the leaders of the sinners."
The first level has already created massive controversery in the gay community, as it is set in Gommorah, where the objective is to purge the city of homosexuals. Each mode reveals a different tactical approach. As God you can raise the city to the ground, Bible style. Alternatively you can lead ravaging hordes of mercenaries through the streets, or even play the role of the lone angel who was propositioned by the town's male population, which so angered God. George, a spokesman for the gay rights group Rainbow, released the following statement through his spokesman Geoffrey:
"Bungle, you're being very, very naughty."
Other levels set to cause a stir include the assassination of Luther, and destruction of Protestantism mission and the Cesare Borgia missions, where you must assassinate as many of your rivals as possible and conquer half of Europe. The Pope slammed those who criticised the game, terming them "haters". If the game is the commercial success industry analysts predict it will be the Pope says the money will be channeled into the Renaissance pursuit of "the glorification of Rome".
The game is set to be released on Easter Day, the day of the Resurrection, and those pre-ordering in the next week will receive a limited edition copy with bonus levels and a vial of holy water. A top body of golfing experts was reported to be "ecstatic" about the impending release.
The launch, held in St. Peter's basilica, started when 200 virgins, dressed in white thongs and "I love Jesus" t-shirts streamed into the room from both sides and formed two columns of purity, through which the Pope was carried on a plinth supported by choirboys singing "Hallelujah". The Pope's entourage was followed by that of Bill Gates, who was also carried on a plinth supported by trained monkeys. Gates, wearing nothing more than a loin cloth, knelt with head bowed and arms raised to hold an X-box aloft to the heavens as he was brought up to the stage. Once this 15 minute-long spectacle had reached its conclusion the press conference began in earnest with each man giving props to the other's product.
The Pope infallibly observed that the X-Box was God's choice of console stating,
"I urge Catholics everywhere to resist the temptations of Satan, manifested in the form of the Gamecube and PS2, God appeared to me in the form of an X-box and told me that those who did not follow his decision would be cast into hell for an eternity of pain and suffering."
Bill Gates was hasty to confirm the Pope's beliefs,
"It's a common mistake to pronounce X-box as 'EX-box'; the correct pronounciation is in fact 'Cross-Box', because it was always intended as the console of holy preference."
"Deus Ex Machina" itself looks set to breathe the holy spirit into the gaming industry, with its stunning visuals and unique gameplay. A conversation with head designer Fred Nietzsche revealed some interesting features of the game:
"We've included three ways to play each level. Firstly you can play as God, who can't die and is omniscient and omnipotent. This means that you can beat each level in roughly five minutes of concentrated holy wrath."
Nietzsche's colleague Gabriel Archangel chipped in:
"the other two playmodes are aimed at the gamin conaisseurs, in one you can take on levels command and conquer style, marshalling the Papal armies against the heathens, or you can play the level FPS style where your aim is to stealthily take out the leaders of the sinners."
The first level has already created massive controversery in the gay community, as it is set in Gommorah, where the objective is to purge the city of homosexuals. Each mode reveals a different tactical approach. As God you can raise the city to the ground, Bible style. Alternatively you can lead ravaging hordes of mercenaries through the streets, or even play the role of the lone angel who was propositioned by the town's male population, which so angered God. George, a spokesman for the gay rights group Rainbow, released the following statement through his spokesman Geoffrey:
"Bungle, you're being very, very naughty."
Other levels set to cause a stir include the assassination of Luther, and destruction of Protestantism mission and the Cesare Borgia missions, where you must assassinate as many of your rivals as possible and conquer half of Europe. The Pope slammed those who criticised the game, terming them "haters". If the game is the commercial success industry analysts predict it will be the Pope says the money will be channeled into the Renaissance pursuit of "the glorification of Rome".
The game is set to be released on Easter Day, the day of the Resurrection, and those pre-ordering in the next week will receive a limited edition copy with bonus levels and a vial of holy water. A top body of golfing experts was reported to be "ecstatic" about the impending release.