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Eating fruit may be a hobby of the depraved people in 3rd world countries, and the deep south of America, but for the rest of us games amongst other things are the top form of entertainment. But pretend you didn’t have your console, your PC, your TV, your stereo or those dirty magazines you hide underneath your mattress, would you be forced to turn to fruit?
Can fruit ever really compare to games? You wouldn’t think so but let us see…
Round 1:
Resident Evil Vs A Lemon
Capcom’s thrill-a-minute shooter, hailed a classic, but can it hold out against the supreme citrus fruit?
Resident Evil is tense, as is the lemon. Resident Evil can make you jump, as can the lemon (citric acid is no laughing matter you know). Resi makes you nervous, frightened and scared of the dark. Lemons make you screw up your eyes really tight, and can also be chopped up and put in drinks!
A tough decision but the lemon is the winner by a notch.
Round 2:
Super Monkey Ball Vs An Orange
They are both round and both contain bright colours, this will be a close contest. Super monkey ball offers an intense gaming kick whilst the orange offers a tangy and refreshing taste. Super Monkey Ball comes in a protective DVD style case, the orange, however, has a brightly coloured peel to keep it safe and seal in the taste.
SMB has a fantastic multiplayer that allows up to four people to play simultaneously, the orange has up to 20 segments to be shared between friends and family.
As much as I would like to declare Super Monkey Ball the winner, the orange has the clear multiplayer advantage and is the victor.
Round 3:
Goldeneye Vs A Kiwi Fruit
Goldeneye on the N64 was a classic in its own right and is still enjoyed by many people worldwide. Kiwi fruits are small, green and full of seeds. Goldeneye has 3 difficultly settings, a brilliant multiplayer and umpteen unlockables. The kiwi fruit has little hairs on its skin, but does taste nice and can be put in pies. The Goldeneye cartridge has a sickly taste to it and doesn’t go too well in pies.
Goldeneye is by far the winner of this enormously mismatched contest.
Round 4:
Roller Coaster Tycoon Vs Apples
The pixelly but addictive (and successful) Chris Sawyer game does have a great deal to offer, but so does the world of apples. The theme park rip off allows the user to build coasters, thrill rides, gentle rides, water rides and a multitude of shops and attractions. Apples come in many varieties, red ones, green ones and yellowish ones. Some are crunchy, some are sweet, some are sour and some are soft! Roller Coaster Tycoon gives many levels of interesting gameplay, an abundance of extras like new rides etc, and a variety of scenarios. Apples can be put in pies, cakes, made into sauce and eaten raw.
This is possibly the most difficult contest so far but I have to declare Roller Coaster Tycoon the winner as you can simulate peoples death on rollercoasters, you cant do that with apples, sadly.
So, there are four contenders left in the game, Lemon, Orange, Goldeneye and Roller Coaster Tycoon. To determine our finalists we need to hold the semi finals.
Semi Final 1:
Orange Vs Goldeneye
Goldeneye a clear-cut classic with good graphics and excellent first person gameplay against the round, segmented beast. The one player modes are fairly equal with Goldeneye offering many liner missions and the orange offering a series of tasty segments. The multiplayer looks to be the decider of this one. Goldeneye gives up to four people the chance to blow the hell out of each other with a variety of weapons, however the orange can be shared by around 20 people. The orange peel can also be retained and used as a blanket for a hamster or other small animal.
In this hard to judge battle, the orange is the winner by a whisker.
Semi Final 2:
Roller Coaster Tycoon Vs Lemon
Two very different things here offering different experiences. The only thing in common is the bitter side, the lemon is bitter all the way through but RCT is only bitter if you make it bitter (i.e. killing 40 people on a coaster intentionally). The game is a bit cutesy and the fruit is sour throughout making it hard to judge. The lemon can be used by several people if you serve it in drinks, however RCT is limited to a 1 player mode. The clincher of this is the gameplay, RCT offers exciting new scenarios, creative opportunities and many levels, however lemons are much the same and don’t change from lemon to lemon.
The winner of this contest is Roller Coaster Tycoon because the lemon just can’t cut it.
Now we have whittled it down to just two, but who will win? Orange or RCT? Place bets…. now…Betting Ends!
The Grand Final:
Orange Vs Roller Coaster Tycoon
The tangy giant killer and the theme park copy face off to answer the question, “what is better, Games or fruit?” The orange as we already know, is concealed within a durable peel but RCT is in a flimsy plastic case, which can be easily cracked. Roller Coaster Tycoon has a bevy of levels for the user to conquer but cannot be enjoyed by more than one person at a time; this is where the orange takes the lead. Many juicy segments can be devoured by friends, family members, co-workers and people sitting at the bus stop with you. Roller Coaster Tycoon allows you to wantonly kill innocent people riding death defying rides, but so does jamming an orange into the mechanics of a large roller coaster! (You didn’t hear that from me though, right).
The tough contest has a winner and it is the orange!
The orange has proven itself worth and proved that games are, indeed, nothing compared to fruit!
-kyz²²-
> on't you mean "see left" and I just thought the
> "²²'s" looked cool.
Don't you mean "Don't" ?
> Memorandum wrote:
>
> Kyz²² is just using his orange bias to make the so-so
> fruit
> sound better than it actaully is.
>
> You evil genius, you.
>
> Is an orange bias illegal? Probably in Peru...
>
> My name doesn't have the "²²'s" in it normally
> (see right).
on't you mean "see left" and I just thought the "²²'s" looked cool.
> Kyz²² is just using his orange bias to make the so-so fruit
> sound better than it actaully is.
>
> You evil genius, you.
Is an orange bias illegal? Probably in Peru...
My name doesn't have the "²²'s" in it normally (see right).
I know for a fact that at the last worlwide "fruit VS games" championships goldeneye convincingly beat oranges in the third round qualifiers, ie. the second round.
It is because of this I have to contest that unless "Orange" has picked up its act in the last two years (still tastes the same to me!) then there is no way it could beat the marvellousness that is GoldenEye.
Kyz²² is just using his orange bias to make the so-so fruit sound better than it actaully is.
You evil genius, you.
Why did you change your tagline?
"Has gerbil breasts" was the best!