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But what I really want to talk about is my most recent adventure in Germany. About a month ago, whilst exploring the forest of Clovis in Bavaria, I stumbled upon an amazing discovery. Hidden deep in the forest I espyed an unusual structure. It looked like an ancient monastery, and funnily enough, it was!
I was greeted at the large wooden door by a friendly monk named Brother Sundelis, who was more than happy to grant my request to look around.... and thus I began my guided tour of the mysterious monastery.
It was at this point that events took a surreal and unexpected twist.
I soon discovered to my total astonishment that the monastery was NOT a building dedicated to God, Religion or Mysticism, but was in fact a sanctuary devoted to the intense hardcore practice of "gaming"! - In almost every chamber I looked into I saw wide-screen televisions hooked up to all kinds of videogame systems - from MegaDrives to PSones to N64s to Dreamcasts to GameCubes to Xboxs. And everywhere I looked I saw fully-robed monks immersed in the playing all types of games. Needless to say, I was flabbergasted!
As I wandered with mouth agape through the monastery's shadowy corridors and halls, Brother Sundelis [my guide] pointed out who was who and playing what:
-Brother Belmont was deep into Halo's last mission on Legendary difficulty level.
-Brother Angelo was bobbing up and down whilst playing Vib Ribbon.
-Brother LeCrist was in the process of racking up a high-score of $300,000+ on Crazy Taxi 3.
-Brother Hilbert was blasting zombies with a light-gun on House of the Dead 2.
-Brother Fargus was watching Pikmin's final cut-scene.
-Brother Balflower & Brother Barnacle were fragging the hell out of each other on Unreal Championship.
-Brother Crossmar had just finished Metal Gear Solid 2 and was loading up Grand Theft Auto 3.
-Brother Simisun was in pursuit of the last graffitit soul on Jet Set Radio Future.
-Brother Kelic had just won the European Cup with Rochdale on Championship Manager.
-Brother Nerevar was spellbound by the psychedelic visuals of Rez.
-Brother Tolbert was watching Tomb Raider 1's opening cut-scene.
-Brother Minesta was playing Space Invaders at an arcade cabinet.
-Brother Parsalane had just started SuperMarioWorld on the SNES.
-Brother Damson was tapping away on a keyboard playing an old text adventure.
-Brother Zoroaster was playing Mario Kart on a GBA.
-Brother Sindarus was busy moving crates within the world of Shenmue II.
I've seen many things on my numerous adventures around the world, but never had I witnessed such curious strangeness as this! Not in my most craziest flights-of-fancy could I have predicted what I saw within the walls of that Bavarian monastery.
Three days later, after much intense gaming fun [man, those guys were good!], I announced to the monks that I must return home to England. As a parting gift, Brother Sundelis gave me a detailed map of the vicinity so I could relocate the monastery if ever I wanted to free myself from the rat-race and devote my life to the playing of videogames.
I have the very map in front of me now as I write this post, and you know what, with every day that passes I become more and more tempted to take up Brother Sundelis' invitation to disappear within the walls of that secret monastery and dedicate my life to being one of the Gaming Monks of Bavaria.
Perhaps one day soon I will return to the forest of Clovis....
Can I take my 13 supermodel girlfriends? I'm sure the Brothers will be glad to see them.
> I am Brother Bonafide.
> Yes. My style is "button bashing" and I noticably have the
> fastest fingers on the planet.
Ah, Brother Bonafide, I believe you were there. You kept beating me on Mario Kart and I punched you on the nose. Yes, I remember it well!
Unbeliever wrote:
> I'm tired of my dreary existence in this endless ratrace. I NEED to
> find the location of this place and while away the rest of my life
> playing games!
I'm afraid I've been sworn to secrecy as to the exact location of the monastery. - But you know the saying "seek and ye shall find".......
I am Brother Bonafide.
Yes. My style is "button bashing" and I noticably have the fastest fingers on the planet.
Go on try me on Mario Party 4.. if you dare!
But what I really want to talk about is my most recent adventure in Germany. About a month ago, whilst exploring the forest of Clovis in Bavaria, I stumbled upon an amazing discovery. Hidden deep in the forest I espyed an unusual structure. It looked like an ancient monastery, and funnily enough, it was!
I was greeted at the large wooden door by a friendly monk named Brother Sundelis, who was more than happy to grant my request to look around.... and thus I began my guided tour of the mysterious monastery.
It was at this point that events took a surreal and unexpected twist.
I soon discovered to my total astonishment that the monastery was NOT a building dedicated to God, Religion or Mysticism, but was in fact a sanctuary devoted to the intense hardcore practice of "gaming"! - In almost every chamber I looked into I saw wide-screen televisions hooked up to all kinds of videogame systems - from MegaDrives to PSones to N64s to Dreamcasts to GameCubes to Xboxs. And everywhere I looked I saw fully-robed monks immersed in the playing all types of games. Needless to say, I was flabbergasted!
As I wandered with mouth agape through the monastery's shadowy corridors and halls, Brother Sundelis [my guide] pointed out who was who and playing what:
-Brother Belmont was deep into Halo's last mission on Legendary difficulty level.
-Brother Angelo was bobbing up and down whilst playing Vib Ribbon.
-Brother LeCrist was in the process of racking up a high-score of $300,000+ on Crazy Taxi 3.
-Brother Hilbert was blasting zombies with a light-gun on House of the Dead 2.
-Brother Fargus was watching Pikmin's final cut-scene.
-Brother Balflower & Brother Barnacle were fragging the hell out of each other on Unreal Championship.
-Brother Crossmar had just finished Metal Gear Solid 2 and was loading up Grand Theft Auto 3.
-Brother Simisun was in pursuit of the last graffitit soul on Jet Set Radio Future.
-Brother Kelic had just won the European Cup with Rochdale on Championship Manager.
-Brother Nerevar was spellbound by the psychedelic visuals of Rez.
-Brother Tolbert was watching Tomb Raider 1's opening cut-scene.
-Brother Minesta was playing Space Invaders at an arcade cabinet.
-Brother Parsalane had just started SuperMarioWorld on the SNES.
-Brother Damson was tapping away on a keyboard playing an old text adventure.
-Brother Zoroaster was playing Mario Kart on a GBA.
-Brother Sindarus was busy moving crates within the world of Shenmue II.
I've seen many things on my numerous adventures around the world, but never had I witnessed such curious strangeness as this! Not in my most craziest flights-of-fancy could I have predicted what I saw within the walls of that Bavarian monastery.
Three days later, after much intense gaming fun [man, those guys were good!], I announced to the monks that I must return home to England. As a parting gift, Brother Sundelis gave me a detailed map of the vicinity so I could relocate the monastery if ever I wanted to free myself from the rat-race and devote my life to the playing of videogames.
I have the very map in front of me now as I write this post, and you know what, with every day that passes I become more and more tempted to take up Brother Sundelis' invitation to disappear within the walls of that secret monastery and dedicate my life to being one of the Gaming Monks of Bavaria.
Perhaps one day soon I will return to the forest of Clovis....