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"People Really Said These Things In Court. (Joke)"

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Tue 21/01/03 at 20:58
Regular
Posts: 787
Just read.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: How old is your son - the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: Did he kill you?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

-------

Hope you enjoyed these.


~Smerc~
Wed 22/01/03 at 22:42
Regular
"Spanish Hardcore"
Posts: 914
Psyİho Fox wrote:
> Americans, so dumb, especially in Texas.

Yeah, I agree.
Wed 22/01/03 at 22:34
"The Will of D."
Posts: 5,643
I liked these:

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Americans, so dumb, especially in Texas.
Wed 22/01/03 at 22:31
Regular
"Spanish Hardcore"
Posts: 914
I chuckled abit of this one:

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Made me chuckle.
Wed 22/01/03 at 22:28
Regular
"I like cheese"
Posts: 16,918
Hilarious.


No, seriously, they are hilarious. :D
Wed 22/01/03 at 21:59
Regular
"Spanish Hardcore"
Posts: 914
Agreed.
Wed 22/01/03 at 16:46
Regular
"Z will be here soon"
Posts: 7,562
I read these before but they still ace :-)
Wed 22/01/03 at 16:41
Regular
"Spanish Hardcore"
Posts: 914
POP
Tue 21/01/03 at 21:36
Regular
"Spanish Hardcore"
Posts: 914
Even if they were not real, they are still funny.
Tue 21/01/03 at 21:34
"The Will of D."
Posts: 5,643
I think the book said that they were real, mostly they came from American courts, which explains a lot.

Thrre was also a book called "Bushisms" and had dumb quotes said by George "Dubbya" Bush senior.
I can't remember any of them since it was about a month ago, but they were also quite funny.
Tue 21/01/03 at 21:30
Regular
"Spanish Hardcore"
Posts: 914
Psyİho Fox wrote:
> Hey, they were in a comedy book that I read in WaterStones one time,
> they were pretty funny, I suppose you've got that book then?

Yes I have the book, very amusing.

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