Viewing Thread:
"SR Questionnare 2003"

In the age old tradition of Women's magazines trying to find out if you're menopausal so they can show the results to prospective advertisers for next month's issue, and in that weekly tradition of Sunday Supplements trying to fill column inches, the following questionnaire has been devised by my scientific expert on all things gaming (My cat).

It's comprehensive, covering every facet of gaming psychology, sociology, general knowledge and drinking habits; and after extensive testing on a large proportion of the general population (My Dachshund) the results have proved to be conclusive.

Take your time, your answers will be analysed and posted next week for all to laugh at.

Question 1:
When you first hear about a new game coming out for your console/PC do you
A. Open your internet browser and start rummaging through all your bookmarked gaming sites trying to find out as much as possible about it?
B. Open your internet browser and start looking for all those sites you'd thought you'd bookmarked only to find your little sister has deleted them all?
C. Carry on playing existing games and wait to see what happens?
D. Bomb Iraq?
E. Go down the pub?

Question 2:
Your most anticipated game of all time has been canned by the developers because they
A. Hate you?
B. Are probably developing something better so never mind?
C. Want to save you money so you can spend it on another drink?
D. Are probably busy bombing Iraq?
E. Are part of a larger conspiracy devised by Bill Gates?

Question 3:
Mario and Luigui are killed by a carbomb whilst leaving a night club in Athens. Do you
A. Rejoyce?
B. Drape your console in black and go into a deep depression?
C. Get drunk?
D. Wonder if they'll make a game out of it?
E. Blame Iraq?

Question 4:
'Tron' was
A: A terrorist organisation in the 1970s with links to Iraq?
B. One of the best films of all time especially if you were a little drunk when you watched it because the special effects looked better?
C. A classic, you're looking forward to the next gen game version?
D. State of the art film-making given the limitations of the era?
E. A type of mushroom?

Question 5:
Metal Gear Solid 2: Substance will
A. Be a money earner as long as you play your cards right?
B. Be naff because you don't bounce on people's heads?
C. Be a classic and you've already pre-ordered it?
D. Not be anywhere near as good as Splinter Cell?
E. Sell like hotcakes because Hideo Kojima made it?

Question 6:
2 joypad ports vs. 4 joypad ports
A. 4 ports come in handy for multiplayer games.
B. 4 ports are better because you've got a better excuse to get drunk when you've got more mates round.
C. 4 ports are handy just in case I manage to make 3 friends one day.
D. I only need one port.
E. 4 ports are more interesting to look at than some of the games I play.

Question 7:
Role Playing Games are
A. Nice because with the turn-based combat you can go to the fridge and come back without having to pause the game.
B. An exciting genre with a lot of possibilities in the future.
C. Only good if they're cel-shaded.
D. Amazing, I've been converted and am growing a beard.
E. Final Fantasy.

Question 8:
If they tested games on animals I would
A. Cry.
B. Hope the animals enjoyed the games.
C. Get depressed and have a drink.
D. Start a petition against the practice because it's unnecessary.
E. Try to find links between terrorists and Iraq anyway.

Question 9:
Product placement/advertising in games
A. Great idea! I'm all for it!! Do it!!!
B. We've got that already.
C. As long as it doesn't detract from the gameplay it's OK.
D. Eh?
E. Never! It's a bad idea!! Don't do it!!!

Question 10:
Iraq
A. Who?
B. Bomb it.
C. Bomb it and make a game out of it.
D. Bomb it but try not to hit the pubs.
E. I don't care I just wanna play games.

FantasyMeister wrote:
> Question 1:
> When you first hear about a new game coming out for your console/PC do
> you

> C. Carry on playing existing games and wait to see what happens?

>
> Question 2:
> Your most anticipated game of all time has been canned by the
> developers because they

> A. Hate you?

> Question 3:
> Mario and Luigui are killed by a carbomb whilst leaving a night club
> in Athens. Do you

> A. Rejoyce?
>
> Question 4:
> 'Tron' was

> D. State of the art film-making given the limitations of the era?

>
> Question 5:
> Metal Gear Solid 2: Substance will

> E. Sell like hotcakes because Hideo Kojima made it?
>
> Question 6:
> 2 joypad ports vs. 4 joypad ports

> C. 4 ports are handy just in case I manage to make 3 friends one
> day.
>
> Question 7:
> Role Playing Games are
> D. Amazing, I've been converted and am growing a beard. (Well maybe not the beard part!)

>
> Question 8:
> If they tested games on animals I would

> B. Hope the animals enjoyed the games.

> Question 9:
> Product placement/advertising in games

> C. As long as it doesn't detract from the gameplay it's OK.

> Question 10:
> Iraq

> E. I don't care I just wanna play games.

So it was Venombyte who POPPED the topic up.

(I'd just like you all to know; I didn't actually know that this topic was so old. Hence, I look like a bit of an idiot answering the uestions about 10 years after they were put up.)

Question 1:
When you first hear about a new game coming out for your console/PC do you
-E. Go down the pub?

Question 2:
Your most anticipated game of all time has been canned by the developers because they
-B. Are probably developing something better so never mind?

Question 3:
-E. Blame Iraq?

Question 4:
'Tron' was
-Answer: Non-applicable to any of the reccomended answers.

Question 5:
Metal Gear Solid 2: Substance will
-E. Sell like hotcakes because Hideo Kojima made it?

Question 6:
2 joypad ports vs. 4 joypad ports
-A. 4 ports come in handy for multiplayer games.
(and)-B. 4 ports are better because you've got a better excuse to get drunk when you've got more mates round.

Question 7:
Role Playing Games are
-E. Final Fantasy.

Question 8:
If they tested games on animals I would
-E. Try to find links between terrorists and Iraq anyway.

Question 9:
Product placement/advertising in games
-D. Eh?

Question 10:
Iraq
-B. Bomb it.

I only just remembered about this.

Very insightful analyses have been made about people here, to an unsurpassed level of detail. I can only assume FM knows something we don't...

(other than his PIN number)

Damn! Why wasn't there a "Bomb Iraq" solution on all the questions? It would have saved a whole lot of my time if there was.

Question 1:
When you first hear about a new game coming out for your console/PC do you

A. Open your internet browser and start rummaging through all your bookmarked gaming sites trying to find out as much as possible about it?


Question 2:
Your most anticipated game of all time has been canned by the developers because they

D. Are probably busy bombing Iraq?


Question 3:
Mario and Luigui are killed by a carbomb whilst leaving a night club in Athens. Do you

D. Wonder if they'll make a game out of it?


Question 4:
'Tron' was

E. A type of mushroom?

Question 5:
Metal Gear Solid 2: Substance will

D. Not be anywhere near as good as Splinter Cell?


Question 6:
2 joypad ports vs. 4 joypad ports

C. 4 ports are handy just in case I manage to make 3 friends one day.


Question 7:
Role Playing Games are

D. Amazing, I've been converted and am growing a beard.


Question 8:
If they tested games on animals I would

B. Hope the animals enjoyed the games.


Question 9:
Product placement/advertising in games

D. Eh?


Question 10:
Iraq

C. Bomb it and make a game out of it.


Ha Ha, funny questions and answers.

FantasyMeister wrote:
> Jericho15:
>
> If there was such a thing as a well-balanced and rational Sonyphile,
> you would be it

Ive always hated Sony... ...maybe things will change in the future!

Spooky - how the hell did you know?

"have yet to hone your skills to a sufficient point whereby you can score 3 goals against Poland in a game of FIFA due to alcohol"

and I can hardly wait for the Sesame Street episodes.

Thanks, it was fun

The results have been computed, cogitated over, analysed and are now presented for your own personal perusal.

Unbeliever:

You're a well adjusted gamer but have many other interests. You enjoy Sega games, and whilst the PS2 did interest you initially you went with Nintendo due to the fact that (subliminally at least), you believed that they'd have the most Sega-esque games. When you're not retro gaming, buying retro consoles and reliving great Sega classics like Nights etc., you're saving up for the GBA SP, which will be your next major gaming purchase. You will grow a beard within the next 10 years, you will donate at least 20p to the RSPCA whether you realise it or not, and you don't drink enough to become a member of SR staff. Your hard drive contains 50% blank space, 15% system files, 33.5% assorted media and 1.5% pornography. Your future will be heavily influenced by the number 36 and the letter C.

Kyz22:

You enjoy gaming but only partake in it because your friends do. Secretly you have a great desire to own an XBox or a PS2 but are afraid you'll lose face with your mates by owning one. Your hidden abilities lie elsewhere other than gaming, possibly with the National Security Agency as a spy. You enjoy reading well crafted literature, and your writing is heavily influenced by Monty Python, Not The Nine 0'Clock News and GMTV. You will grow several beards over the next few years in various styles as fashion dictates and will kill at least 3 cats during this time. You don't drink enough to become a member of SR staff. You once did something that you were ashamed of and never, ever, told anyone about it. Using the numbers 5, 10 and 22 along with any 3 other numbers of your choice will give you exactly the same chance of winning the National Lottery as anyone else on February 22nd 2003.

HalloHowArtThou:

Fantastic scoring despite only answering 9 out of 10 questions. You are very well balanced despite this, and a classic old skool gamer. You understand your PC much better than you think you do, and a glittering career awaits you at Microsoft, but you'll turn it down. You're methodical, practical but occiasionally you tend to put things down and then forget where you left them. I recommend one of those things that make a noise when you clap, like a beeping keyring but on second thoughts you'd probably lose it. According to the computer printout, an Elf will play a big part in your future, but this could be a mis-interpretation due to question 10 not being answered. The alternatives would have been London bus, Mars Bar, another Elf, the number 256 or a radish had you provided full answers.

Mystique:

You have many other interests aside from games, but drink just enough alcohol to keep you in the industry should you wish to take up a vacancy at your local branch of Special Reserve. You enjoy a wide variety of games, and have no particular console manufacturer as a favourite. You will not grow a beard within your lifetime unless you have the assistance of copious amounts of testosterone. Despite being at heart a pacifist, you have this strange desire to nuke poodles regardless of collateral damage, especially if they have a blue rinsed old lady at the other end of their leads. Over the next 10 years you will at some time travel the world extensively, learning about new cultures, traditions, religions and people. A root vegetable will change your life forever.

Ineedsleep:

You are pro gaming but have yet to hone your skills to a sufficient point whereby you can score 3 goals against Poland in a game of FIFA due to alcohol (even though Poland is being controlled by a CPU). You are unsure about the internet, but in time it will become your friend as you find yourself being accepted as a member of many online communities. It will come to take over your life, but in a good way because you'll have a 90% chance of marrying a .jpeg from Canada. You are determined, yet realistic. You are a pacifist, yet you'd happily bite Mike Tyson's ear off if there was a stepladder handy. Something fantastically great will happen to you within the next 5 years involving a cushion. During this time you will watch at least 4 complete episodes of Sesame Street for no apparent reason.

Rosalind:

You scored fantastically on the gaming aptitude elements of this questionnaire. In fact, it is calculated that 70% of your bodyparts are made up of pure gaming cells. You should be a mascot for Sony according to our data, although it appears that you also have some undisclosed interests in Nintendo, but whether or not it's because of their games or because of their share price it's not clear. The XBox only appears in your future as a doorstop, and you need to drink more alcohol. Despite this, the results recommend that you stay away from clock towers and high powered sniper rifles. The word 'toenail' will play an important part in your future, as will the number 15,225,114.

Fonzie:

You're exceedingly well balanced as an individual, and enjoy a diverse cross-section of games, so much so that it's impossible to pinpoint exactly which console you'd be most suited to, except for XBox, which at this stage you should really avoid if you wish your life to be a fulfilled and happy one. You are capable of copious amounts of alcohol intake, to such an extent that you'd be equally happy working either for Special Reserve's IT division or as a hack for the Daily Mirror. Stay away from kittens and radishes for the next 18 months. Motorbikes feature largely in your immediate future, as does gambling. We advise moderation at this time.

TÞhi:

There is currently too much Nintendo in your life which is affecting everything you do. Exposure to cerebral gaming is a must, and it is suggested that hardcore RPGs are the way to go. Wind Waker may or may not have a profound meaning for you, but small fluffy animals will definitely play a part in your future, particularly if you follow the career path to become a vet. You have trouble bringing tasks set to you to completion, but you will overcome this hurdle in a unique way in the near future with the aid of some batteries and a flashlight. You will at some time get married, but only answering 8 out of the 10 questions set means that we can't narrow it down to whether your partner will be a member of the Royal Family or a professional tight-rope walker.

Manda†are:

Astoundingly it appears that 50% of all games that you play should be on the PS2, 10% should be on the XBox, and the remaining 40% of your time should be spent drinking yourself into a stupor whilst working in the Special Reserve newsroom. You have a deep-seated drive to 'find yourself' at this present time, and looking into a mirror doesn't count. Sub-consciously, crop circles and alien abductions play a major part in everything that you do from day to day, but it's not clear why. There is a successful career path available to you in the food processing industry, but you will go onto other things of more interest. Play your cards right and you could be a freelance writer for Edge by the year 2008.

DW:

A glittering future (literally) awaits you in the world of Federation Wrestling. Should you wish to follow this path, you will eventually be crowned WWE World Champion as "Sparkly Leotard Man". You prefer physical sports to console/PC gaming, and have a competitive streak. You will gain a 'win at all costs' reputation, but this could work against you should you ever run for political office in one of the smaller sub-districts of India. A high protein/low cholesterol diet is recommended at this time, but stay clear of sushi. Whilst website designing is not your strongpoint, you have a natural aptitude for C++ and the Java family of programming languages, even though you may not have realised it yet. Keep a wary eye out for the letter 'L'.

VenomByte:

Your meticulous attention to detail and desire for accuracy and efficiency often overrides your desire to get things done quickly. You have gaming in your blood, but more and more often you are distracted by anything to do with the internet. A PS2 would be the remedy for this as your psychological profile is ideally suited for an emotion engine, and all the games you currently enjoy playing can be found on Sony's console. However, a sprinkling of Gamecube and XBox wouldn't hurt either. You believe fervently in pushing technology to its fullest extent, and within the next 20 years at least one of your bodyparts will be replaced voluntarily with a cybernetic equivalent. Which will rust and drop off. Pliers are important to you.

Memorandum:

Games seem to rule your life, although you should be prepared to diversify in your genres a little more to glean the full benefits. You have a strong PS2 bias, and negative Nintendo Chi and an XBox Yang. A pacifist at heart, you tend to stay clear of violent games for the more peaceful ones, you have no intention of nuking Iraq in the near future. Your favourite book is "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" by Milan Kundera, despite not having ever read it. Customers who bought this item also bought nothing of interest to a normal, rational human being. Number 8 is going to be very important to you in the near future, as long as it's accompanied by a blue coloured object and a Pot Noodle (any flavour).

AfroJoe:

A broad cross-section of game genres and platforms appeals to you, and you have no real bias towards any one particular console manufacturer. The chances are you'd be too drunk at any particular time to be able to discern the logo on the console you were playing in the first place, so this is a moot point. It is advised at this time that you stay clear of Bill Gates, particularly if you have in your posession any pie of the custard variety, mainly because:
a) You'd get arrested and charged with assault, you couldn't help yourself
b) It's all been done before, be more inventive
c) Why bother when there's a pub nearby?

Tequila Sunset:

You're a rational being, with leanings towards Microsoft products despite what others say. It may do you some good to actually get 'outside' from time to time, despite your love of gaming. With some determination you will become a star in the online gaming communities, as your prowess with a joypad surpasses any of your contempories, so with just a little more application you could start earning serious money from gaming competitively for a living. Steer clear of games like The Sims, Sim City 3000, Microsoft Train Simulator and so on, because their depiction of reality could draw you in too far, get you too involved, and there would then be the possiblility of serious withdrawal symptoms at the end of a good session on Rollercoaster Tycoon.

Foreman:

Concise and straight to the point, there's no mucking about with you when it comes to answering questions. Don't give in to any political ambitions because lying just isn't in your blood. Sports games are more your strength as opposed to non-reality based genres, a good dose of Pro Evolution Soccer 2 is recommended. However, Pro Evolution Soccer 2 based around Pokemon and fluffy animals may be a Godsend to you enabling you to appreciate the finer qualities of alternative gaming. If you haven't got an XBox already then it's recommended, as is the Gamecube. Next time you play footie in the park, DO NOT use your jumper as a goal post. That's all we can advise at this time.

Jericho15:

If there was such a thing as a well-balanced and rational Sonyphile, you would be it. However there are times when there's enough alcohol in your bloodstream to enable you to subliminally appreciate the finer points of other consoles, although you'd never admit it openly. There are indications that in a former life you were an elf, which is why you've never gotten around to having your ears pierced. Once you finally get to grips with the full intricacies of the junctioning system in Final Fantasy 8, your life will be considered complete. Stay clear of stone walls that lean outwards over the next few days, particularly if you play a musical instrument.

Conclusions:

We'd like to thank the 16 particpants who proffered highly sensitive information about themselves (whether they realised it or not) during this year's questionnaire. The findings have been forwarded to the Ministry of Defence for further analysis, and they'll be in touch directly should they have future requirements for gamers with psychopathic tendencies.

Despite current trends, the results obtained from the questionnaire prove beyond all doubt that there is no direct link between alcohol intake and gaming. With this in mind, it should be clear that the next gen consoles will NOT include refrigerated beverage holders as was previously assumed.