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Welcome to this special News report from NOT (News on Terrorism). Earlier today, it was announced that Shigeru Miyamoto, the man we all know and love (Unless your surname is Gates…) has been imprisoned for acts of Terrorism. Mr Miyamoto was flying out from Tokyo, when he decided it would be fun to play on his Gamecube, “What’s wrong with that?” He said, “I was only trying out the beta version of Mario 128!” Well, that’s all good a true, but the fact still remains, Shigsy is responsible for destroying Sony HQ.
Sources have informed us that Miyamoto was jealous. PS2 sales are still rising, and Zelda had only just come onto the scene. We believe that Miyamoto couldn’t take the torment anymore, and decided to put a stop to his most abhorrent enemy. While this is only a guess, we have sufficient evidence to back up our case.
Evidence piece #1 is a rough plan of a letter sent to Sony, found in his rubbish bin, near his hometown Sonebe, Japan. It reads:
“Dear Sony,
Words cannot describe the hate I have for you. Ever since you stole the Playstation name, I’ve been meaning to remind myself to sort you out. I will be flying out from Tokyo next week, so you had better be ready for what’s coming…
Regards,
Shigeru “I hate you!” Miyamoto”
It’s plainly obvious right from the start that he had been plotting against Sony. We have enlisted the help of an expert, an analyser of threatening letters, Mr. Yukazugi. This was his theory:
“Well, notice the word hate. Hate is a harsh word, so he obviously meant what he was saying. Also notice that he will, and I quote, “Sort you out”. The context in which this is written suggests that he was, indeed, going to attack Sony HQ. I therefore come to the conclusion that Shigeru Miyamoto is guilty.”
Even from the start of this investigation, it seems that Mr Miyamoto is guilty. One piece of evidence isn’t enough, so it’s time for us to look at evidence piece #2. It is a sheet of paper torn from his diary. Included on this sheet were the words, “Sony” “threat” “destroy”. The rest of the sheet was illegible, but this is enough to prove, again, that he is guilty. As always, it’s only fair that we listen to his side of the story. This was recorded earlier today, within the Kyoto prison.
“I’m innocent, really! I didn’t mean to destroy Sony HQ. If I did, I would have done it on a day that they were actually working, erm, not that I would anyway, but, er…”
”How did you actually guide the aeroplane into the building in the first place?”
“I was sitting in my seat; I had just turned on my gamecube, with the screen and battery pack, and started playing. I was using my wavebird, and…”
“Wavebird? Doesn’t that work via radio waves?”
“Well, yes. But I don’t see the problem…”
“Don’t you ever listen to the recording at the beginning of the flight? It explains how you are supposed to turn off Mobile phones, as they may interfere with the communication. What you did was unthinkable! Not only were you controlling Mario, you were also controlling the plane! The radio waves had overridden the auto pilot system, and you, without knowing it, steered the plane into Sony HQ. Luckily, this is Japan, so we had already implemented booster seats for all passengers in an event such as this. If this was in America, well, I don’t even want to comprehend what would have happened…”
This still doesn’t explain the death threats. Shigeru has been released on bail for the moment, and is here with us in the studio. What do you have to say about the situation?
"Look at the letter! I never even *once* threatened Sony! I was flying out to America to preview Mario 128! It was planned to boost Gamecube sales and stop Sony’s domination of the home console market!”
Well, what about the diary?
“The diary? Oh, that. Well, I merely said that Sony will be under threat from Mario 128, and the destroy bit? I was going to destroy my Son’s army on Advance wars! I never once ever threatened Sony!”
Well, the evidence still points to guilty, but what Mr Miyamoto says is believable.
We have just received the result from Judge of Kyoto court, and it seems that Shigeru is not guilty! In the last minute, Takeshi Matsunobu, Corporate Senior Vice President of Sony Marketing (Japan), Inc had claimed that he and Shigeru are like peas and carrots. He gave this statement to the court:
“Shigeru would never do such a thing. I've known him for nearly all my life. You still up for tennis on Tuesday Shigsy?"
This testimony proves that Shigeru is indeed innocent. We should have never doubted the man.
Following this incident, the boring safety warnings at the beginning of flights have now been pepped up, including funky music and free marshmallows- so everyone will always pay attention. Oh, and all Wavebirds must be switched off during take-off and landing. We leave you now with the wise words of Shigeru, reflecting on the incident.
"You read about these things all the time, you just never think they'll happen to *you*! Still, I'm glad it's over, and I'll be sure to use normal controllers in the future."
Thanks for reading
Microchips
Sources have informed us that Miyamoto was jealous. PS2 sales are still rising, and Zelda had only just come onto the scene. We believe that Miyamoto couldn’t take the torment anymore, and decided to put a stop to his most abhorrent enemy. While this is only a guess, we have sufficient evidence to back up our case.
Evidence piece #1 is a rough plan of a letter sent to Sony, found in his rubbish bin, near his hometown Sonebe, Japan. It reads:
“Dear Sony,
Words cannot describe the hate I have for you. Ever since you stole the Playstation name, I’ve been meaning to remind myself to sort you out. I will be flying out from Tokyo next week, so you had better be ready for what’s coming…
Regards,
Shigeru “I hate you!” Miyamoto”
It’s plainly obvious right from the start that he had been plotting against Sony. We have enlisted the help of an expert, an analyser of threatening letters, Mr. Yukazugi. This was his theory:
“Well, notice the word hate. Hate is a harsh word, so he obviously meant what he was saying. Also notice that he will, and I quote, “Sort you out”. The context in which this is written suggests that he was, indeed, going to attack Sony HQ. I therefore come to the conclusion that Shigeru Miyamoto is guilty.”
Even from the start of this investigation, it seems that Mr Miyamoto is guilty. One piece of evidence isn’t enough, so it’s time for us to look at evidence piece #2. It is a sheet of paper torn from his diary. Included on this sheet were the words, “Sony” “threat” “destroy”. The rest of the sheet was illegible, but this is enough to prove, again, that he is guilty. As always, it’s only fair that we listen to his side of the story. This was recorded earlier today, within the Kyoto prison.
“I’m innocent, really! I didn’t mean to destroy Sony HQ. If I did, I would have done it on a day that they were actually working, erm, not that I would anyway, but, er…”
”How did you actually guide the aeroplane into the building in the first place?”
“I was sitting in my seat; I had just turned on my gamecube, with the screen and battery pack, and started playing. I was using my wavebird, and…”
“Wavebird? Doesn’t that work via radio waves?”
“Well, yes. But I don’t see the problem…”
“Don’t you ever listen to the recording at the beginning of the flight? It explains how you are supposed to turn off Mobile phones, as they may interfere with the communication. What you did was unthinkable! Not only were you controlling Mario, you were also controlling the plane! The radio waves had overridden the auto pilot system, and you, without knowing it, steered the plane into Sony HQ. Luckily, this is Japan, so we had already implemented booster seats for all passengers in an event such as this. If this was in America, well, I don’t even want to comprehend what would have happened…”
This still doesn’t explain the death threats. Shigeru has been released on bail for the moment, and is here with us in the studio. What do you have to say about the situation?
"Look at the letter! I never even *once* threatened Sony! I was flying out to America to preview Mario 128! It was planned to boost Gamecube sales and stop Sony’s domination of the home console market!”
Well, what about the diary?
“The diary? Oh, that. Well, I merely said that Sony will be under threat from Mario 128, and the destroy bit? I was going to destroy my Son’s army on Advance wars! I never once ever threatened Sony!”
Well, the evidence still points to guilty, but what Mr Miyamoto says is believable.
We have just received the result from Judge of Kyoto court, and it seems that Shigeru is not guilty! In the last minute, Takeshi Matsunobu, Corporate Senior Vice President of Sony Marketing (Japan), Inc had claimed that he and Shigeru are like peas and carrots. He gave this statement to the court:
“Shigeru would never do such a thing. I've known him for nearly all my life. You still up for tennis on Tuesday Shigsy?"
This testimony proves that Shigeru is indeed innocent. We should have never doubted the man.
Following this incident, the boring safety warnings at the beginning of flights have now been pepped up, including funky music and free marshmallows- so everyone will always pay attention. Oh, and all Wavebirds must be switched off during take-off and landing. We leave you now with the wise words of Shigeru, reflecting on the incident.
"You read about these things all the time, you just never think they'll happen to *you*! Still, I'm glad it's over, and I'll be sure to use normal controllers in the future."
Thanks for reading
Microchips
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Great post like always - This is why you are going to be the next notable.
nnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooo
POP, maybe? :D
How about P.k.?
:D
"oooo Posh Kid drives a Bentley!"
Good times.
:D
"oooo Posh Kid drives a Bentley!"
Good times.
Damn registration thingy won't let me have 'PK' as my username!
And no way am I going back to 'Posh Kid'. That name was lame
...LAME I TELL YA!
And no way am I going back to 'Posh Kid'. That name was lame
...LAME I TELL YA!
Cheers Bonafide.... It's not the same.
Go back to PK! :D
Go back to PK! :D
Good post Microchips!
Heh, fantastic.
Thanks again
:)
:)
I smell a GAD post.
Excellent.
Excellent.
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