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Most games nowadays have you facing an über enemy every so often to break up the monotony of destroying the relatively simple-minded minions of whatever evil force you’re combating. When you think classic bosses you think the T-Rex from Tomb Raider, or maybe the Astronaut thing from the space land in Mario Land 2 (oh, just me then?). You don’t think of some big fat git in a sweater…however, some stubborn games developers disagree.
You could say that it’s positive discrimination with regards to body shapes…but I’d rather call it stupid, and totally unrealistic. I’ve just been playing the sublime Tiger Woods 2003 (which you should own by now – it’s on all the consoles and the PC, so no excuses), more specifically the Tiger Challenge, and I’ve ground to a halt against Mark O’Meara. Hence the ‘big fat git in a sweater’ jibe. I’ve thought through all the possible reasons for my many losses against O’Meara in this 9-hole challenge – a dodgy course, unresponsive analogue stick, greasy fingers…but I think that I have to hold up my hands and admit that despite my character’s Tiger Woods skin, 75pt accuracy and all-round ability, Mark O-bloody-Meara is still better than me.
The whole debacle got me thinking. Despite being a real person (and if you’re reading, sorry Mark), Mr O’Meara is another one of those super villains that couldn’t take over a McDonalds, let alone the world. I’m not sure if a licensed likeness in a golf game is the best place to start, but think about it; in Time Crisis 2 we have a bunch of old guys carrying briefcases as the big scary bosses (excluding the super-strong man at the end of the second level), whereas all the cool guys (the ninjas) are just light-gun fodder. Metal Gear Solid 2 had not only a big fat git, but a big fat git ON ROLLER SKATES DROPPING BOMBS. I’m no Arnold Schwarzenegger (circa the original Terminator, of course), but at least I don’t go around masquerading as a tough boss in a video-game. And don't think that consoles are the only victims - just see 'hard man' Phil Mitchell on Eastenders!
Maybe it’s the last dregs of gaming geekdom letting us know that it’s still around, even on the ‘cool’, ‘hip’ and ‘with it’ PS2. I mean come on – nobody was bullied at school by the pencil-thin dork with the glasses. No-one was scared of the chubby kid that got out of breath just climbing the stairs. Is it developers letting their repressed, socially rejected inner child run riot on our games, or just ironic humour? To be honest, I don’t care, as long as they realise it’s stupid and let me be. It’d be much better for my gaming ego if it was a 40ft tall mech beating me at golf, or a flesh eating spider blowing me to smithereens. Surely these adversaries should have us cowering in fear of the encounter, rather than blushing with embarrassment when we can’t beat them?
Please, people in the big chairs at EA, Capcom, Konami et al – you’re great at making the bosses challenging…but try and get them to look the part too? Please?
You could say that it’s positive discrimination with regards to body shapes…but I’d rather call it stupid, and totally unrealistic. I’ve just been playing the sublime Tiger Woods 2003 (which you should own by now – it’s on all the consoles and the PC, so no excuses), more specifically the Tiger Challenge, and I’ve ground to a halt against Mark O’Meara. Hence the ‘big fat git in a sweater’ jibe. I’ve thought through all the possible reasons for my many losses against O’Meara in this 9-hole challenge – a dodgy course, unresponsive analogue stick, greasy fingers…but I think that I have to hold up my hands and admit that despite my character’s Tiger Woods skin, 75pt accuracy and all-round ability, Mark O-bloody-Meara is still better than me.
The whole debacle got me thinking. Despite being a real person (and if you’re reading, sorry Mark), Mr O’Meara is another one of those super villains that couldn’t take over a McDonalds, let alone the world. I’m not sure if a licensed likeness in a golf game is the best place to start, but think about it; in Time Crisis 2 we have a bunch of old guys carrying briefcases as the big scary bosses (excluding the super-strong man at the end of the second level), whereas all the cool guys (the ninjas) are just light-gun fodder. Metal Gear Solid 2 had not only a big fat git, but a big fat git ON ROLLER SKATES DROPPING BOMBS. I’m no Arnold Schwarzenegger (circa the original Terminator, of course), but at least I don’t go around masquerading as a tough boss in a video-game. And don't think that consoles are the only victims - just see 'hard man' Phil Mitchell on Eastenders!
Maybe it’s the last dregs of gaming geekdom letting us know that it’s still around, even on the ‘cool’, ‘hip’ and ‘with it’ PS2. I mean come on – nobody was bullied at school by the pencil-thin dork with the glasses. No-one was scared of the chubby kid that got out of breath just climbing the stairs. Is it developers letting their repressed, socially rejected inner child run riot on our games, or just ironic humour? To be honest, I don’t care, as long as they realise it’s stupid and let me be. It’d be much better for my gaming ego if it was a 40ft tall mech beating me at golf, or a flesh eating spider blowing me to smithereens. Surely these adversaries should have us cowering in fear of the encounter, rather than blushing with embarrassment when we can’t beat them?
Please, people in the big chairs at EA, Capcom, Konami et al – you’re great at making the bosses challenging…but try and get them to look the part too? Please?
You wait till you have to play Vijay Singh, now that's impossible.
At least he had a reason (he was egg shaped because that was, like, his THING).
Just beat the beggar, and went on to thrash the Scot 6 and 5, then win the tournament. Life feels good.
Just beat the beggar, and went on to thrash the Scot 6 and 5, then win the tournament. Life feels good.
Heh...
*remembers fat 'Eggman' Dr. Robotnik from Sonic*
*remembers fat 'Eggman' Dr. Robotnik from Sonic*
Most games nowadays have you facing an über enemy every so often to break up the monotony of destroying the relatively simple-minded minions of whatever evil force you’re combating. When you think classic bosses you think the T-Rex from Tomb Raider, or maybe the Astronaut thing from the space land in Mario Land 2 (oh, just me then?). You don’t think of some big fat git in a sweater…however, some stubborn games developers disagree.
You could say that it’s positive discrimination with regards to body shapes…but I’d rather call it stupid, and totally unrealistic. I’ve just been playing the sublime Tiger Woods 2003 (which you should own by now – it’s on all the consoles and the PC, so no excuses), more specifically the Tiger Challenge, and I’ve ground to a halt against Mark O’Meara. Hence the ‘big fat git in a sweater’ jibe. I’ve thought through all the possible reasons for my many losses against O’Meara in this 9-hole challenge – a dodgy course, unresponsive analogue stick, greasy fingers…but I think that I have to hold up my hands and admit that despite my character’s Tiger Woods skin, 75pt accuracy and all-round ability, Mark O-bloody-Meara is still better than me.
The whole debacle got me thinking. Despite being a real person (and if you’re reading, sorry Mark), Mr O’Meara is another one of those super villains that couldn’t take over a McDonalds, let alone the world. I’m not sure if a licensed likeness in a golf game is the best place to start, but think about it; in Time Crisis 2 we have a bunch of old guys carrying briefcases as the big scary bosses (excluding the super-strong man at the end of the second level), whereas all the cool guys (the ninjas) are just light-gun fodder. Metal Gear Solid 2 had not only a big fat git, but a big fat git ON ROLLER SKATES DROPPING BOMBS. I’m no Arnold Schwarzenegger (circa the original Terminator, of course), but at least I don’t go around masquerading as a tough boss in a video-game. And don't think that consoles are the only victims - just see 'hard man' Phil Mitchell on Eastenders!
Maybe it’s the last dregs of gaming geekdom letting us know that it’s still around, even on the ‘cool’, ‘hip’ and ‘with it’ PS2. I mean come on – nobody was bullied at school by the pencil-thin dork with the glasses. No-one was scared of the chubby kid that got out of breath just climbing the stairs. Is it developers letting their repressed, socially rejected inner child run riot on our games, or just ironic humour? To be honest, I don’t care, as long as they realise it’s stupid and let me be. It’d be much better for my gaming ego if it was a 40ft tall mech beating me at golf, or a flesh eating spider blowing me to smithereens. Surely these adversaries should have us cowering in fear of the encounter, rather than blushing with embarrassment when we can’t beat them?
Please, people in the big chairs at EA, Capcom, Konami et al – you’re great at making the bosses challenging…but try and get them to look the part too? Please?
You could say that it’s positive discrimination with regards to body shapes…but I’d rather call it stupid, and totally unrealistic. I’ve just been playing the sublime Tiger Woods 2003 (which you should own by now – it’s on all the consoles and the PC, so no excuses), more specifically the Tiger Challenge, and I’ve ground to a halt against Mark O’Meara. Hence the ‘big fat git in a sweater’ jibe. I’ve thought through all the possible reasons for my many losses against O’Meara in this 9-hole challenge – a dodgy course, unresponsive analogue stick, greasy fingers…but I think that I have to hold up my hands and admit that despite my character’s Tiger Woods skin, 75pt accuracy and all-round ability, Mark O-bloody-Meara is still better than me.
The whole debacle got me thinking. Despite being a real person (and if you’re reading, sorry Mark), Mr O’Meara is another one of those super villains that couldn’t take over a McDonalds, let alone the world. I’m not sure if a licensed likeness in a golf game is the best place to start, but think about it; in Time Crisis 2 we have a bunch of old guys carrying briefcases as the big scary bosses (excluding the super-strong man at the end of the second level), whereas all the cool guys (the ninjas) are just light-gun fodder. Metal Gear Solid 2 had not only a big fat git, but a big fat git ON ROLLER SKATES DROPPING BOMBS. I’m no Arnold Schwarzenegger (circa the original Terminator, of course), but at least I don’t go around masquerading as a tough boss in a video-game. And don't think that consoles are the only victims - just see 'hard man' Phil Mitchell on Eastenders!
Maybe it’s the last dregs of gaming geekdom letting us know that it’s still around, even on the ‘cool’, ‘hip’ and ‘with it’ PS2. I mean come on – nobody was bullied at school by the pencil-thin dork with the glasses. No-one was scared of the chubby kid that got out of breath just climbing the stairs. Is it developers letting their repressed, socially rejected inner child run riot on our games, or just ironic humour? To be honest, I don’t care, as long as they realise it’s stupid and let me be. It’d be much better for my gaming ego if it was a 40ft tall mech beating me at golf, or a flesh eating spider blowing me to smithereens. Surely these adversaries should have us cowering in fear of the encounter, rather than blushing with embarrassment when we can’t beat them?
Please, people in the big chairs at EA, Capcom, Konami et al – you’re great at making the bosses challenging…but try and get them to look the part too? Please?