The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
*Scene 1*
*Mystique is sat in a pub, getting hammered, trying to chat up every bloke in the place*
loki - Look, you're starting to freak me out... I don't wanna see your monkey!
Mystique - Oh, come on! You don't know what you're *burp* misssshing...
*Two men burst in, beating the heck out of each other. One of the two is clearly winning, and soon the other bloke is a bloody mess on the floor. The winner walks up to the bar*
Mr Snuggly - White wine and Perrier.
Barman - Um, don't you mean beer?
Mr Snuggly - Oh, yeah, right... the hard man image... OK, gimme a beer... in a dirty glass.
Barman - Um, OK...
*The barman spits in the glass, fills it to the top and hands it to Snuggly*
Barman - Can you stop beating people up in here? Costs me £10 a night to get the blood out of the carpets.
Mr Snuggly - No can do. Beating people up is what keeps me going.
*Somebody comes up and taps Snuggly on the shoulder*
El Blokey - Nobody takes a beating like that without a mark to show for it... I know what you are!
*Mr Snuggly spins around, and in a single motion has El Blokey pinned against the wall, three claws scratching his throat*
El Blokey - (coughing) Wait... you're not Superman?
*Snuggly lets him drop to the floor, looks around, and leaves. Mystique runs after him*
*Scene 2*
*Mystique and Mr Snuggly are driving along a dark road*
Mystique - Hey... you wanna see ma monkey?
Mr Snuggly - I'm giving you a lift because I don't wanna see you get hurt. Don't try anything on with me!
Mystique - Didn't know your bread was buttered that side...
Mr Snuggly - Wait, you think I'm ga-?
*A tree crashes to the ground in front of them, and the car skids into it on the icy tarmac. Snuggly is sent flying through the windshield. After a while, he pulls himself to his feet*
Mr Snuggly - Knew I should've got more than one seat belt... You alright, Mystique?
Mystique - Urgh, I'm stuck to the seat, you've spilt toffee or something on it!
*A fire starts in the back seat*
Mr Snuggly - My toaster!
*He runs to the car and tries to put the flames out. Suddenly, a huge hairy hand swipes at him from behind, and he's sent flying across the road. He looks up to see Wookiemonster towering over him*
Mr Snuggly - Oh... fudge.
*Wookiemonster growls and is about to grab Snuggly when somebody tackles him to the ground. They start rolling around in the snow*
Goatboy - Don't just stand there, help me!
Mr Snuggly - Can't I just sit down for a minute? I was just in a car crash you know. And you look like you're having SO much fun...
Goatboy - Fine!
*Goatboy uppercuts Wookiemonster, then transforms into a goat, and charges at him, butting him off the road and down a hill. Goatboy turns back into an ageing rocker*
Goatboy - Urgh, I think I stepped in some goat droppings... oh, wait, they're mine.
*schroeder and Ant come out of some bushes, and pull Mystique out of the burning car*
Mystique - Hey watch it! You're ripping my pants!
Mr Snuggly - Who are you people?
Goatboy - We're the GAD Men! Patent pending...
Mr Snuggly - GAD Men? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!
Goatboy - You'd better come with us.
Mr Snuggly - I ain't goin' nowhere!
Goatboy - There'll be beer...
*Scene 2*
*SR Towers, somewhere in England*
*Snuggly is being led through a long corridor. They enter a huge room, with a desk at the end, where a dark figure sits, facing the wall*
Goatboy - We're back.
Tony - Did you bring my Happy Meal?
Goatboy - Oops, sorry... but we did bring that bloke you wanted.
Tony - Michael Winslow?
Goatboy - No, Snuggly.
*The chair turns around and Tony looks at them*
Tony - Ah, Mr Snuggly, I hope you had a pleasant journey.
Mr Snuggly - I have just one question... where's the beer?
*Tony begins leading Snuggly around SR towers*
Tony - You were attacked by an associate of Stryke, called Wookiemonster.
Mr Snuggly - They did what with the who now?
Tony - Stryke has the power to, um... strike people. And probably control metal, I dunno. We can't be bothered to find out. Now, you have an interesting power, do you not? The ability to heal rapidly?
Mr Snuggly - Yeah, and the old cutlery here.
*Three blades shoot out from in-between Snuggly's knuckles*
Tony - Hey, watch where you're pointing those things, almost took my eye out! Anyway, do you know how you got those?
Mr Snuggly - Yeah, it was a bet.
Tony - Oh... anyhoo, we pose as a shop, named Special Reserve, using the pretence of a competition called Game A Day. But it is merely a front for our real operations.
Mr Snuggly - Making pornos?
Tony - Only on weekends. No, our main purpose is to protect mutants, shelter them from the hostile outside world. We also have what the younger mutants have dubbed - The GAD Men. A highly trained team of mutants who protect the world. They use their powers for good.
*Snuggly looks at Goatboy*
Mr Snuggly - What's your power, the ability to turn into any animal?
Goatboy - Um... no... just a goat.
Mr Snuggly - A goat? Isn't that a little... pathetic? What about you?
Ant - I have all the power of an ant! I can lift stuff ten times heavier than my own weight!
Mr Snuggly - Too bad you probably don't weigh a whole lot. How about you, what's your power?
schroeder - I'm just an extra...
Mr Snuggly - You guys couldn't protect a church bingo session, nevermind the world!
Tony - Anyhoo, you and Mystique can stay here until we find out what Stryke wants with you.
Mr Snuggly - Mystique? Oh, the two dollar ho I picked up...
*Scene 3*
*On Tv*
RM18 - Michael Jackson is said to have quoted "Ha ha ha, this isn't my real face." And in other news, the mutant registration act has gained more support, as today, evil politician Bob spoke to the Houses of Parliament. We went to the streets to find out what the people think.
Edgy - Mutants? They make me SICK! Hey, look, somebody spilt coffee on this table! Hmm... two day old coffee...
SHEEPY - Yeah, I think mutants should have to register themselves! After all, they're stopping hard working people like myself getting a job at Pizza Hutt! Now, where's me whiskey...?
AfroJoe - Na, I'm cool with mutants... like this girl I picked up, she had three boobs! Great fun!
RM18 - We will have more news on the mutant registration act as it comes in. Now, back to Saved By The Bell.
*Tony turns the TV off*
Mr Snuggly - Hey! Saved By The Bell was coming on, it was the episode where they had to save Sharky's from getting closed down!
Tony - Mystique? Anyone seen Mystique?
Goatboy - Hey, somebody's been at my liquor cabinet!
Ant - It was her... don't worry, I'll use my ant-sense to track her down! Erm... she's somewhere on the planet... so we can rule out space. She's... she's standing somewhere... breathing... the sky is blue...
schroeder - Right then, shouldn't be too hard to find her, let's get looking!
Mr Snuggly - I know where she is, fools, she’ll be down the pub!
*Scene 4*
*At the pub, Mystique is sat at the bar, necking cheap vodka*
Barman - How many times...? I don't wanna see your monkey!
*Snuggly comes up and sits down beside her*
Mystique - You haven't come to convince me to go back, have you?
Mr Snuggly - Yeah, right! I just wanna get Goatboy's alcohol off you so I can drink it mesel'.
Mystique - Oh... so you don't want me back?
Mr Snuggly - Why would I?
Mystique - Typical!
*Suddenly, the doors to the pub burst open in a shower of glass and wood. Stryke, Wookiemonster and monkey_man stride in*
Mr Snuggly - Oh great, looks like the bouncers are gonna turf us out...
Stryke - We're not bouncers. We have an IQ higher than that of a lobotomised village idiot. I am... Stryke!
*Dramatic music*
Mr Snuggly - Who?
Stryke - Stryke! Stryke, you fool! Evil doer? Lord of the cruel intentions? Master of chivalry? Founder of the save the library organisation? Stryke!
Mr Snuggly - Doesn't ring a bell.
Stryke - This will.
*Wookiemonster swipes at Snuggly, sending him crashing to the floor. monkey_man picks up Mystique and they leave*
Barman - Oi! This'll be going on your tab! Damn college students...
*Scene 5*
*Outside the pub, the police have arrived, and are pointing their guns at Stryke and his gang as they exit through what's left of the pub doors*
Stryke - You homosapians and your guns...
Police officer - What'd he say?! Did he just call me gay?!
Police officer #2 - Put down your weapons, and put your hands up... Oh, wait, is it the other way around?
*Stryke lifts his hands, and two of the cars the police are hiding behind raise into the air, then crash to the ground*
monkey_man - Nice trick.
Stryke - Thanks, though I was trying to rip all their belts off... No matter.
Tony - Stryke! This is between you and me!
*Stryke looks past the police to see Tony, with the GAD Men*
Stryke - Ah, Tony... how nice to see you again. Where's your wheelchair?
Tony - At Kwik-Fit. Stryke, it doesn't have to be this way. What do you want with the girl?
Stryke - Oh no, I've seen way too many Bond films to know that I shouldn't tell you my plan! Now, get out of here, or I kill all these precious humans.
*All the guns are pulled out of their hands, and turn to face them*
Police officer - What the fudge? Is Paul Daniels here?
Tony - Go ahead, why should I care?
Stryke - Just think of them as potential SR customers.
Tony - Curse you, you know my one weakness! Money!
*A helicopter appears and the gang of rebel mutants climb aboard before it takes off and travels into the distance*
Tony - OK, get the tracker, we'll follow it!
Goatboy - Wait, did anybody actually throw the tracking device at the helicopter?
Ant - I thought schroeder was supposed to do it!
schroeder - Uh uh! It's Goatboy's turn!
Tony - Darn it! Did anybody even bring the tracking device?!
Goatboy - Isn't that your job, Tony?
Tony - I-... no.
*Scene 6*
Mr Snuggly - You fools let them take her?! And you call yourselves super heroes?
Goatboy - We ARE superheroes!
Ant - Yeah, we wear our underpants on the outside and everything!
schroeder - Why didn't you stop them, Snuggly?
Mr Snuggly - I, er... I was in the bogs and missed the whole thing...
*Tony bursts into the room*
Tony - My brain!
Goatboy - Oh no!
*Tony collapses on the sofa*
Goatboy - Somebody's hacked his brain again!
Mr Snuggly - What?! Again?!
Ant - Last time it was someone trying to rig GAD, but it looks like Stryke might have done it this time...
*Tony grasps Snuggly's shoulder*
Tony - Settle this... find Mystique, stop Stryke...
Mr Snuggly - OK, Tony, anything you say...
Tony - Anything? Woo! Well you can get me a Happy Meal too then!
*Tony slips into a deep sleep*
Mr Snuggly - Ant, use your ant-sense and find Mystique, Goatboy, get the jet warmed up, schroeder, get me some kegs to put over my trousers!
Goatboy - Just one problem... we don't have a jet.
Mr Snuggly - What do we have?
*Scene 7*
*The GAD Men are cruising towards the Houses Of Parliament in Goatboy's green Skoda*
Mr Snuggly - Are you sure Stryke and Mystique are here, Ant?
Ant - Of course I am, my ant-sense is never wrong!
schroeder - Except for that time when we spent two days searching Tony's house because you said Madonna had kidnapped him.
Ant - Well, yes, there is that, but-
Goatboy - And the time when you said America had just vanished from the Earth.
Ant - Well, Baywatch was suddenly cut off, I couldn't think of any other explanation!
Mr Snuggly - We're here.
Goatboy - The Houses of Parliament already?
Mr Snuggly - No, you fool, the drive through. Yeah, I'd like one Happy Meal and a beer please...
*They eventually arrive in London, and clamber out of the car*
schroeder - I think it's time you changed your air freshener, Goatboy!
Goatboy - What air freshener? Ant just had his bare feet out again.
Mr Snuggly - Look, up there! On Big Ben! It's Stryke! Let's get going!
*They run into Big Ben* (hur hur hur)
Goatboy - Keep your eyes open, Stryke's goons could be waiting for us...
monkey_man - Who you calling a goon?
*monkey_man swings down from the stairs and kicks Goatboy. Ant tries shoo-ing him away, and schroeder hides behind a bin. Snuggly swings at him*
monkey_man - Oi, watch it, those things look sharp!
*Snuggly and monkey_man battle it out. £30 million fight scene ensues*
Mr Snuggly - 'Ave it!
*monkey_man uses his tail to trip Snuggly up*
monkey_man - Ha ha! Now you're mine!
*schroeder runs up and whacks monkey_man around the head with a rolled up newspaper*
monkey_man - Ow! That really stings!
*Ant runs up behind him, and gets down on all fours just as Goatboy turns into a goat and knocks monkey_man down. He trips up over Ant*
monkey_man - You guys aren't playing fair! I'm going home!
*He jumps to his feet and scuttles off*
Ant - That'll learn ya!
Mr Snuggly - Right, we have to find Stryke, find out what his plan is, find a way to stop him, and find my car keys.
Goatboy - schroeder, Ant, come with me, we'll be the A-Team. Snuggly, you can be the B-Team. We'll take the lift, you can take the stairs.
Mr Snuggly - Hey, wait a minute!
Goatboy - I'm glad you agree! OK, let's go!
*Scene 8*
*Snuggly is still climbing the steps*
Mr Snuggly - Damn goatee induced Transformer wanna-be, telling ME what to do, why I oughta...
*He reaches the end of the stairs and collapses on the floor. The rest of the GAD men walk up*
Goatboy - You took your time, we've been waiting like, twenty minutes or something.
Mr Snuggly - Must... kill... Goatboy...
Goatboy - Get up, we've got work to do. We can't get up to the very top by stairs, where Stryke has Mystique, so we're gonna climb out the window and get up that way.
*Stryke and Wookiemonster burst into the room*
Stryke - Ah, the GAD Men... So nice of you to drop by.
Goatboy - schroeder, fry him!
schroeder - Um... I don't have any powers...
Goatboy - Oh, yeah... right... Um... Snuggly?
Mr Snuggly - I've just spent 20 minutes running up stairs, I'm two breaths away from having a heart attack. I couldn't pull a two year old off his tricycle, nevermind stop that Andre The Giant lookalike Wookiemonster.
Goatboy - I see... anybody got any bright ideas?
Stryke - Yes, you all give up and let me carry on my plan.
Goatboy - Oh, OK.
Mr Snuggly - You've got us defeated, Stryke, tell us what you're doing... What do you want with Mystique? What powers does she have?
Stryke - She doesn't have any powers.
Mr Snuggly - Oh, well she'll fit right in with the GAD Men then. What are you going to do?
Stryke - I've hooked up some loud speakers to the top of Big Ben, with a microphone set up next to Mystique. Using some ridiculously complicated stuff, the sound waves of her voice will be magnified ten fold, shaking the Houses of Parliament down to the foundations.
Mr Snuggly - I'm sorry, I wasn't listening, could you say that again?
Goatboy - You'll never get away with this, Stryke!
Stryke - Probably not, but I'll still have destroyed a big building. Cool, huh?
Mr Snuggly - Why are you doing this?
Stryke - I built myself up to be a genius. I took out my own insecurities on other people, telling them their colleges and universities were inferior, letting everybody know that I was far more intelligent. When I didn't get into Oxford... I couldn't take it. I looked like a fool, people laughed at me for being so cocky, so full of myself, then not getting in! Well, I found out that the top bigwigs of Oxford will be at the Houses of Parliament today! I will tear the building down! They will SUFFER for what they did to me! Oh, and there might be some sort of mutant registration vote thing going on, I dunno.
Goatboy - Ingenious...
Stryke - Why thank you, it IS a pretty good motive, isn't it?
Goatboy - No, I was talking about how they get the animals to talk on the Muppets...
Stryke - Now, I must go and get Mystique drunk. When she tries to chat me up, her shrill, annoying voice will go through the microphone and my plan to get revenge on Oxford will take effect! Wookiemonster, stay here as the one inept guard and make sure they don't escape.
*Stryke leaves*
Goatboy - He had a bottle of Brown Ale in his hands, he must be using that to get Mystique drunk!
Mr Snuggly - We don't have much time, then!
*Goatboy whispers in schroeder's ear*
schroeder - Oh, Wookiemonster...
*Wookiemonster growls and walks over to her. She whacks him with a rolled up newspaper. Mr Snuggly charges at him and they wrestle to the ground, rolling out of the room*
Goatboy - Come on, let's find Stryke! If we're lucky, Wookiemonster will just kill Snuggly, and won't bother looking for us!
*The GAD Men run out after Stryke*
*Scene 9*
*Snuggly and Wookiemonster are battling it out on the railing surrounding the clock face of Big Ben*
Mr Snuggly - Take this! And that! Die you Chewbacca wannabe!
Wookiemonster - That's just mean.
Mr Snuggly - Wow... he spoke.
*They continue fighting*
Mr Snuggly - Wait, what am I doing? Forgot about these!
*The blades in Snuggly's hands shoot out, then drop to the floor*
Mr Snuggly - Darn it! Pushed 'em too far! They're like those pencil things, where you press the top and they come out, but you always press too much, and the lead drops out of the end, you know? Gimme a sec...
*Wookiemonster taps his foot, waiting for Snuggly to put the razor sharp knife like blades back in his hands*
Mr Snuggly - OK, ready. Sorry about that, got them put in after a night out in Blackpool, some bloke in a dark alley did it, only cost me £10... Anyway, back to the fight!
*They charge at each other. Snuggly side-steps Wookiemonster, and he flies over the railing*
Mr Snuggly - Ah ha! That'll learn ya! Don't mess with an angry staff member with the keys to the ban stick!
*Snuggly rushes inside and catches up with the rest of the GAD Men*
Mr Snuggly - What's going on?
Goatboy - Look, Stryke's up there... Mystique's already off her face, listen!
Mystique - Eeeeh... must be a blonde thing... You know?
Ant - Luckily, he hasn't hooked up the microphone yet.
Stryke - Damn Dixons plugs!
Mr Snuggly - I have to get up there and stop him! How can I do it?
Ant - I can throw you up!
schroeder - And I'll use my power to guide you! Oh, wait...
*Ant picks up Mr Snuggly and hurls him up to the top of Big Ben. Snuggly manages to grab a support beam and hang on*
Stryke - You! You can't stop me, it's my destiny!
Mr Snuggly - It's your destiny to shut up!
*Stryke puts his hand out and Snuggly freezes*
Stryke - Aha! I knew you had a metal girdle on!
Mr Snuggly - Can't... move...
Stryke - Of course you can't, fool, my amazing power over magnetic fields means I can do with you as I please. Too bad I can't set up a microphone...
*Stryke starts fiddling with the wiring again*
Goatboy – No, you fool, the green wire goes in that one! No, the other one!
Ant – Goatboy!
Goatboy – Oh, right… my bad.
*As Stryke fiddles with the wiring, Mystique continues babbling on about pointless random girl things, and Snuggly tries to fight his way towards her*
Mr Snuggly - (shouting) Goatboy! Do something!
Goatboy - My time to shine!
*Indiana Jones music plays as Goatboy turns into a goat and jumps from beam to beam, working his way up to the top of the tower. He reaches Stryke*
Stryke - What made you think a goat could stop me?
*He kicks Goatboy, who falls down from the top of the tower and lands on Ant and schroeder*
Mr Snuggly - I didn't, but it gave me enough time to undo the girdle, and right now I'm slashing at all the wires on your speakers!
Goatboy - You used me!
Stryke - Noooooooo!!!
*Snuggly finishes smashing up the equipment, then backhands Stryke, who flies through the air and crashes through the wall. He falls to his doom*
Stryke - I'llllll beeeeeee baaaaaaaack!
Mr Snuggly - I'll be waiting... well, not literally, I'd get bored staying here all day... Anyway, Mystique, you'd better sober up, we've gotta climb down.
Mystique - Hey, baby, I'm, like... pretty tall.
*She vomits down the tower, almost showering the GAD Men below*
Ant - Hey, watch it! It's expensive getting these things dry cleaned!
*Scene 10*
*On TV*
RM18 - And Michael Jackson is quoted to have said "Actually, it is my real face, let this be a lesson not to stick your head in a blender." And in other news, the mutant registration act took a blow today, when main leader and evil politician Bob turned his attention away from mutants, and onto single mothers. "Well, you know, I can "help" with the cause of putting more single mothers in our country, if you know what I mean. Hur hur hur" Stay tuned for The Flintstones, on next.
*Tony turns the TV off*
Mr Snuggly - Hey, The Flintstones was coming on! It’s the one where Fred and Barney go off and leave Betty and Wilma alone!
Tony - You did a good job, GAD Men. A good job. But, to cover the costs of fixing my brain, I'm gonna have to cut your salaries by 200%
Ant - But you only pay us £10 a month anyway!
Tony - Exactly. Now you have to pay me money to work for me. Now, I hear Stryke is in some prison somewhere, plotting his revenge, so be on the look out.
Goatboy - What about Mystique, what about her?
Tony - She's moving in. I told her I have six cars, and she proposed to me.
Ant - Well I'll be an ant's uncle!
*The End*
Dedicated to the real mutants of the world – the SR forum members.
*Mystique is sat in a pub, getting hammered, trying to chat up every bloke in the place*
loki - Look, you're starting to freak me out... I don't wanna see your monkey!
Mystique - Oh, come on! You don't know what you're *burp* misssshing...
*Two men burst in, beating the heck out of each other. One of the two is clearly winning, and soon the other bloke is a bloody mess on the floor. The winner walks up to the bar*
Mr Snuggly - White wine and Perrier.
Barman - Um, don't you mean beer?
Mr Snuggly - Oh, yeah, right... the hard man image... OK, gimme a beer... in a dirty glass.
Barman - Um, OK...
*The barman spits in the glass, fills it to the top and hands it to Snuggly*
Barman - Can you stop beating people up in here? Costs me £10 a night to get the blood out of the carpets.
Mr Snuggly - No can do. Beating people up is what keeps me going.
*Somebody comes up and taps Snuggly on the shoulder*
El Blokey - Nobody takes a beating like that without a mark to show for it... I know what you are!
*Mr Snuggly spins around, and in a single motion has El Blokey pinned against the wall, three claws scratching his throat*
El Blokey - (coughing) Wait... you're not Superman?
*Snuggly lets him drop to the floor, looks around, and leaves. Mystique runs after him*
*Scene 2*
*Mystique and Mr Snuggly are driving along a dark road*
Mystique - Hey... you wanna see ma monkey?
Mr Snuggly - I'm giving you a lift because I don't wanna see you get hurt. Don't try anything on with me!
Mystique - Didn't know your bread was buttered that side...
Mr Snuggly - Wait, you think I'm ga-?
*A tree crashes to the ground in front of them, and the car skids into it on the icy tarmac. Snuggly is sent flying through the windshield. After a while, he pulls himself to his feet*
Mr Snuggly - Knew I should've got more than one seat belt... You alright, Mystique?
Mystique - Urgh, I'm stuck to the seat, you've spilt toffee or something on it!
*A fire starts in the back seat*
Mr Snuggly - My toaster!
*He runs to the car and tries to put the flames out. Suddenly, a huge hairy hand swipes at him from behind, and he's sent flying across the road. He looks up to see Wookiemonster towering over him*
Mr Snuggly - Oh... fudge.
*Wookiemonster growls and is about to grab Snuggly when somebody tackles him to the ground. They start rolling around in the snow*
Goatboy - Don't just stand there, help me!
Mr Snuggly - Can't I just sit down for a minute? I was just in a car crash you know. And you look like you're having SO much fun...
Goatboy - Fine!
*Goatboy uppercuts Wookiemonster, then transforms into a goat, and charges at him, butting him off the road and down a hill. Goatboy turns back into an ageing rocker*
Goatboy - Urgh, I think I stepped in some goat droppings... oh, wait, they're mine.
*schroeder and Ant come out of some bushes, and pull Mystique out of the burning car*
Mystique - Hey watch it! You're ripping my pants!
Mr Snuggly - Who are you people?
Goatboy - We're the GAD Men! Patent pending...
Mr Snuggly - GAD Men? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!
Goatboy - You'd better come with us.
Mr Snuggly - I ain't goin' nowhere!
Goatboy - There'll be beer...
*Scene 2*
*SR Towers, somewhere in England*
*Snuggly is being led through a long corridor. They enter a huge room, with a desk at the end, where a dark figure sits, facing the wall*
Goatboy - We're back.
Tony - Did you bring my Happy Meal?
Goatboy - Oops, sorry... but we did bring that bloke you wanted.
Tony - Michael Winslow?
Goatboy - No, Snuggly.
*The chair turns around and Tony looks at them*
Tony - Ah, Mr Snuggly, I hope you had a pleasant journey.
Mr Snuggly - I have just one question... where's the beer?
*Tony begins leading Snuggly around SR towers*
Tony - You were attacked by an associate of Stryke, called Wookiemonster.
Mr Snuggly - They did what with the who now?
Tony - Stryke has the power to, um... strike people. And probably control metal, I dunno. We can't be bothered to find out. Now, you have an interesting power, do you not? The ability to heal rapidly?
Mr Snuggly - Yeah, and the old cutlery here.
*Three blades shoot out from in-between Snuggly's knuckles*
Tony - Hey, watch where you're pointing those things, almost took my eye out! Anyway, do you know how you got those?
Mr Snuggly - Yeah, it was a bet.
Tony - Oh... anyhoo, we pose as a shop, named Special Reserve, using the pretence of a competition called Game A Day. But it is merely a front for our real operations.
Mr Snuggly - Making pornos?
Tony - Only on weekends. No, our main purpose is to protect mutants, shelter them from the hostile outside world. We also have what the younger mutants have dubbed - The GAD Men. A highly trained team of mutants who protect the world. They use their powers for good.
*Snuggly looks at Goatboy*
Mr Snuggly - What's your power, the ability to turn into any animal?
Goatboy - Um... no... just a goat.
Mr Snuggly - A goat? Isn't that a little... pathetic? What about you?
Ant - I have all the power of an ant! I can lift stuff ten times heavier than my own weight!
Mr Snuggly - Too bad you probably don't weigh a whole lot. How about you, what's your power?
schroeder - I'm just an extra...
Mr Snuggly - You guys couldn't protect a church bingo session, nevermind the world!
Tony - Anyhoo, you and Mystique can stay here until we find out what Stryke wants with you.
Mr Snuggly - Mystique? Oh, the two dollar ho I picked up...
*Scene 3*
*On Tv*
RM18 - Michael Jackson is said to have quoted "Ha ha ha, this isn't my real face." And in other news, the mutant registration act has gained more support, as today, evil politician Bob spoke to the Houses of Parliament. We went to the streets to find out what the people think.
Edgy - Mutants? They make me SICK! Hey, look, somebody spilt coffee on this table! Hmm... two day old coffee...
SHEEPY - Yeah, I think mutants should have to register themselves! After all, they're stopping hard working people like myself getting a job at Pizza Hutt! Now, where's me whiskey...?
AfroJoe - Na, I'm cool with mutants... like this girl I picked up, she had three boobs! Great fun!
RM18 - We will have more news on the mutant registration act as it comes in. Now, back to Saved By The Bell.
*Tony turns the TV off*
Mr Snuggly - Hey! Saved By The Bell was coming on, it was the episode where they had to save Sharky's from getting closed down!
Tony - Mystique? Anyone seen Mystique?
Goatboy - Hey, somebody's been at my liquor cabinet!
Ant - It was her... don't worry, I'll use my ant-sense to track her down! Erm... she's somewhere on the planet... so we can rule out space. She's... she's standing somewhere... breathing... the sky is blue...
schroeder - Right then, shouldn't be too hard to find her, let's get looking!
Mr Snuggly - I know where she is, fools, she’ll be down the pub!
*Scene 4*
*At the pub, Mystique is sat at the bar, necking cheap vodka*
Barman - How many times...? I don't wanna see your monkey!
*Snuggly comes up and sits down beside her*
Mystique - You haven't come to convince me to go back, have you?
Mr Snuggly - Yeah, right! I just wanna get Goatboy's alcohol off you so I can drink it mesel'.
Mystique - Oh... so you don't want me back?
Mr Snuggly - Why would I?
Mystique - Typical!
*Suddenly, the doors to the pub burst open in a shower of glass and wood. Stryke, Wookiemonster and monkey_man stride in*
Mr Snuggly - Oh great, looks like the bouncers are gonna turf us out...
Stryke - We're not bouncers. We have an IQ higher than that of a lobotomised village idiot. I am... Stryke!
*Dramatic music*
Mr Snuggly - Who?
Stryke - Stryke! Stryke, you fool! Evil doer? Lord of the cruel intentions? Master of chivalry? Founder of the save the library organisation? Stryke!
Mr Snuggly - Doesn't ring a bell.
Stryke - This will.
*Wookiemonster swipes at Snuggly, sending him crashing to the floor. monkey_man picks up Mystique and they leave*
Barman - Oi! This'll be going on your tab! Damn college students...
*Scene 5*
*Outside the pub, the police have arrived, and are pointing their guns at Stryke and his gang as they exit through what's left of the pub doors*
Stryke - You homosapians and your guns...
Police officer - What'd he say?! Did he just call me gay?!
Police officer #2 - Put down your weapons, and put your hands up... Oh, wait, is it the other way around?
*Stryke lifts his hands, and two of the cars the police are hiding behind raise into the air, then crash to the ground*
monkey_man - Nice trick.
Stryke - Thanks, though I was trying to rip all their belts off... No matter.
Tony - Stryke! This is between you and me!
*Stryke looks past the police to see Tony, with the GAD Men*
Stryke - Ah, Tony... how nice to see you again. Where's your wheelchair?
Tony - At Kwik-Fit. Stryke, it doesn't have to be this way. What do you want with the girl?
Stryke - Oh no, I've seen way too many Bond films to know that I shouldn't tell you my plan! Now, get out of here, or I kill all these precious humans.
*All the guns are pulled out of their hands, and turn to face them*
Police officer - What the fudge? Is Paul Daniels here?
Tony - Go ahead, why should I care?
Stryke - Just think of them as potential SR customers.
Tony - Curse you, you know my one weakness! Money!
*A helicopter appears and the gang of rebel mutants climb aboard before it takes off and travels into the distance*
Tony - OK, get the tracker, we'll follow it!
Goatboy - Wait, did anybody actually throw the tracking device at the helicopter?
Ant - I thought schroeder was supposed to do it!
schroeder - Uh uh! It's Goatboy's turn!
Tony - Darn it! Did anybody even bring the tracking device?!
Goatboy - Isn't that your job, Tony?
Tony - I-... no.
*Scene 6*
Mr Snuggly - You fools let them take her?! And you call yourselves super heroes?
Goatboy - We ARE superheroes!
Ant - Yeah, we wear our underpants on the outside and everything!
schroeder - Why didn't you stop them, Snuggly?
Mr Snuggly - I, er... I was in the bogs and missed the whole thing...
*Tony bursts into the room*
Tony - My brain!
Goatboy - Oh no!
*Tony collapses on the sofa*
Goatboy - Somebody's hacked his brain again!
Mr Snuggly - What?! Again?!
Ant - Last time it was someone trying to rig GAD, but it looks like Stryke might have done it this time...
*Tony grasps Snuggly's shoulder*
Tony - Settle this... find Mystique, stop Stryke...
Mr Snuggly - OK, Tony, anything you say...
Tony - Anything? Woo! Well you can get me a Happy Meal too then!
*Tony slips into a deep sleep*
Mr Snuggly - Ant, use your ant-sense and find Mystique, Goatboy, get the jet warmed up, schroeder, get me some kegs to put over my trousers!
Goatboy - Just one problem... we don't have a jet.
Mr Snuggly - What do we have?
*Scene 7*
*The GAD Men are cruising towards the Houses Of Parliament in Goatboy's green Skoda*
Mr Snuggly - Are you sure Stryke and Mystique are here, Ant?
Ant - Of course I am, my ant-sense is never wrong!
schroeder - Except for that time when we spent two days searching Tony's house because you said Madonna had kidnapped him.
Ant - Well, yes, there is that, but-
Goatboy - And the time when you said America had just vanished from the Earth.
Ant - Well, Baywatch was suddenly cut off, I couldn't think of any other explanation!
Mr Snuggly - We're here.
Goatboy - The Houses of Parliament already?
Mr Snuggly - No, you fool, the drive through. Yeah, I'd like one Happy Meal and a beer please...
*They eventually arrive in London, and clamber out of the car*
schroeder - I think it's time you changed your air freshener, Goatboy!
Goatboy - What air freshener? Ant just had his bare feet out again.
Mr Snuggly - Look, up there! On Big Ben! It's Stryke! Let's get going!
*They run into Big Ben* (hur hur hur)
Goatboy - Keep your eyes open, Stryke's goons could be waiting for us...
monkey_man - Who you calling a goon?
*monkey_man swings down from the stairs and kicks Goatboy. Ant tries shoo-ing him away, and schroeder hides behind a bin. Snuggly swings at him*
monkey_man - Oi, watch it, those things look sharp!
*Snuggly and monkey_man battle it out. £30 million fight scene ensues*
Mr Snuggly - 'Ave it!
*monkey_man uses his tail to trip Snuggly up*
monkey_man - Ha ha! Now you're mine!
*schroeder runs up and whacks monkey_man around the head with a rolled up newspaper*
monkey_man - Ow! That really stings!
*Ant runs up behind him, and gets down on all fours just as Goatboy turns into a goat and knocks monkey_man down. He trips up over Ant*
monkey_man - You guys aren't playing fair! I'm going home!
*He jumps to his feet and scuttles off*
Ant - That'll learn ya!
Mr Snuggly - Right, we have to find Stryke, find out what his plan is, find a way to stop him, and find my car keys.
Goatboy - schroeder, Ant, come with me, we'll be the A-Team. Snuggly, you can be the B-Team. We'll take the lift, you can take the stairs.
Mr Snuggly - Hey, wait a minute!
Goatboy - I'm glad you agree! OK, let's go!
*Scene 8*
*Snuggly is still climbing the steps*
Mr Snuggly - Damn goatee induced Transformer wanna-be, telling ME what to do, why I oughta...
*He reaches the end of the stairs and collapses on the floor. The rest of the GAD men walk up*
Goatboy - You took your time, we've been waiting like, twenty minutes or something.
Mr Snuggly - Must... kill... Goatboy...
Goatboy - Get up, we've got work to do. We can't get up to the very top by stairs, where Stryke has Mystique, so we're gonna climb out the window and get up that way.
*Stryke and Wookiemonster burst into the room*
Stryke - Ah, the GAD Men... So nice of you to drop by.
Goatboy - schroeder, fry him!
schroeder - Um... I don't have any powers...
Goatboy - Oh, yeah... right... Um... Snuggly?
Mr Snuggly - I've just spent 20 minutes running up stairs, I'm two breaths away from having a heart attack. I couldn't pull a two year old off his tricycle, nevermind stop that Andre The Giant lookalike Wookiemonster.
Goatboy - I see... anybody got any bright ideas?
Stryke - Yes, you all give up and let me carry on my plan.
Goatboy - Oh, OK.
Mr Snuggly - You've got us defeated, Stryke, tell us what you're doing... What do you want with Mystique? What powers does she have?
Stryke - She doesn't have any powers.
Mr Snuggly - Oh, well she'll fit right in with the GAD Men then. What are you going to do?
Stryke - I've hooked up some loud speakers to the top of Big Ben, with a microphone set up next to Mystique. Using some ridiculously complicated stuff, the sound waves of her voice will be magnified ten fold, shaking the Houses of Parliament down to the foundations.
Mr Snuggly - I'm sorry, I wasn't listening, could you say that again?
Goatboy - You'll never get away with this, Stryke!
Stryke - Probably not, but I'll still have destroyed a big building. Cool, huh?
Mr Snuggly - Why are you doing this?
Stryke - I built myself up to be a genius. I took out my own insecurities on other people, telling them their colleges and universities were inferior, letting everybody know that I was far more intelligent. When I didn't get into Oxford... I couldn't take it. I looked like a fool, people laughed at me for being so cocky, so full of myself, then not getting in! Well, I found out that the top bigwigs of Oxford will be at the Houses of Parliament today! I will tear the building down! They will SUFFER for what they did to me! Oh, and there might be some sort of mutant registration vote thing going on, I dunno.
Goatboy - Ingenious...
Stryke - Why thank you, it IS a pretty good motive, isn't it?
Goatboy - No, I was talking about how they get the animals to talk on the Muppets...
Stryke - Now, I must go and get Mystique drunk. When she tries to chat me up, her shrill, annoying voice will go through the microphone and my plan to get revenge on Oxford will take effect! Wookiemonster, stay here as the one inept guard and make sure they don't escape.
*Stryke leaves*
Goatboy - He had a bottle of Brown Ale in his hands, he must be using that to get Mystique drunk!
Mr Snuggly - We don't have much time, then!
*Goatboy whispers in schroeder's ear*
schroeder - Oh, Wookiemonster...
*Wookiemonster growls and walks over to her. She whacks him with a rolled up newspaper. Mr Snuggly charges at him and they wrestle to the ground, rolling out of the room*
Goatboy - Come on, let's find Stryke! If we're lucky, Wookiemonster will just kill Snuggly, and won't bother looking for us!
*The GAD Men run out after Stryke*
*Scene 9*
*Snuggly and Wookiemonster are battling it out on the railing surrounding the clock face of Big Ben*
Mr Snuggly - Take this! And that! Die you Chewbacca wannabe!
Wookiemonster - That's just mean.
Mr Snuggly - Wow... he spoke.
*They continue fighting*
Mr Snuggly - Wait, what am I doing? Forgot about these!
*The blades in Snuggly's hands shoot out, then drop to the floor*
Mr Snuggly - Darn it! Pushed 'em too far! They're like those pencil things, where you press the top and they come out, but you always press too much, and the lead drops out of the end, you know? Gimme a sec...
*Wookiemonster taps his foot, waiting for Snuggly to put the razor sharp knife like blades back in his hands*
Mr Snuggly - OK, ready. Sorry about that, got them put in after a night out in Blackpool, some bloke in a dark alley did it, only cost me £10... Anyway, back to the fight!
*They charge at each other. Snuggly side-steps Wookiemonster, and he flies over the railing*
Mr Snuggly - Ah ha! That'll learn ya! Don't mess with an angry staff member with the keys to the ban stick!
*Snuggly rushes inside and catches up with the rest of the GAD Men*
Mr Snuggly - What's going on?
Goatboy - Look, Stryke's up there... Mystique's already off her face, listen!
Mystique - Eeeeh... must be a blonde thing... You know?
Ant - Luckily, he hasn't hooked up the microphone yet.
Stryke - Damn Dixons plugs!
Mr Snuggly - I have to get up there and stop him! How can I do it?
Ant - I can throw you up!
schroeder - And I'll use my power to guide you! Oh, wait...
*Ant picks up Mr Snuggly and hurls him up to the top of Big Ben. Snuggly manages to grab a support beam and hang on*
Stryke - You! You can't stop me, it's my destiny!
Mr Snuggly - It's your destiny to shut up!
*Stryke puts his hand out and Snuggly freezes*
Stryke - Aha! I knew you had a metal girdle on!
Mr Snuggly - Can't... move...
Stryke - Of course you can't, fool, my amazing power over magnetic fields means I can do with you as I please. Too bad I can't set up a microphone...
*Stryke starts fiddling with the wiring again*
Goatboy – No, you fool, the green wire goes in that one! No, the other one!
Ant – Goatboy!
Goatboy – Oh, right… my bad.
*As Stryke fiddles with the wiring, Mystique continues babbling on about pointless random girl things, and Snuggly tries to fight his way towards her*
Mr Snuggly - (shouting) Goatboy! Do something!
Goatboy - My time to shine!
*Indiana Jones music plays as Goatboy turns into a goat and jumps from beam to beam, working his way up to the top of the tower. He reaches Stryke*
Stryke - What made you think a goat could stop me?
*He kicks Goatboy, who falls down from the top of the tower and lands on Ant and schroeder*
Mr Snuggly - I didn't, but it gave me enough time to undo the girdle, and right now I'm slashing at all the wires on your speakers!
Goatboy - You used me!
Stryke - Noooooooo!!!
*Snuggly finishes smashing up the equipment, then backhands Stryke, who flies through the air and crashes through the wall. He falls to his doom*
Stryke - I'llllll beeeeeee baaaaaaaack!
Mr Snuggly - I'll be waiting... well, not literally, I'd get bored staying here all day... Anyway, Mystique, you'd better sober up, we've gotta climb down.
Mystique - Hey, baby, I'm, like... pretty tall.
*She vomits down the tower, almost showering the GAD Men below*
Ant - Hey, watch it! It's expensive getting these things dry cleaned!
*Scene 10*
*On TV*
RM18 - And Michael Jackson is quoted to have said "Actually, it is my real face, let this be a lesson not to stick your head in a blender." And in other news, the mutant registration act took a blow today, when main leader and evil politician Bob turned his attention away from mutants, and onto single mothers. "Well, you know, I can "help" with the cause of putting more single mothers in our country, if you know what I mean. Hur hur hur" Stay tuned for The Flintstones, on next.
*Tony turns the TV off*
Mr Snuggly - Hey, The Flintstones was coming on! It’s the one where Fred and Barney go off and leave Betty and Wilma alone!
Tony - You did a good job, GAD Men. A good job. But, to cover the costs of fixing my brain, I'm gonna have to cut your salaries by 200%
Ant - But you only pay us £10 a month anyway!
Tony - Exactly. Now you have to pay me money to work for me. Now, I hear Stryke is in some prison somewhere, plotting his revenge, so be on the look out.
Goatboy - What about Mystique, what about her?
Tony - She's moving in. I told her I have six cars, and she proposed to me.
Ant - Well I'll be an ant's uncle!
*The End*
Dedicated to the real mutants of the world – the SR forum members.
Page:
Cheap shot, my friend, cheap shot...
Good though. Nightcrawler was always my favourite one..
Good though. Nightcrawler was always my favourite one..
Your eyesight must be going, after meeting all those three breasted girls...
Ah, so I am, in Scene 3, which should be 4. :-D
Didn't notice my fantabulous one liner yesterday - bah! :-D
Didn't notice my fantabulous one liner yesterday - bah! :-D
AfroJoe wrote:
> There were 2 Scene 2s, not that it matters too much.
> As I said above, very good stuff, and the only flaw was that I was
> nowhere to be seen.
------
Indeed there was two scene 2s... funny, I made sure to check all the later scenes to make sure I didn't repeat any numbers. Ah well.
Oh, and -
"AfroJoe - Na, I'm cool with mutants... like this girl I picked up, she had three boobs! Great fun!"
See, you were in it!
> There were 2 Scene 2s, not that it matters too much.
> As I said above, very good stuff, and the only flaw was that I was
> nowhere to be seen.
------
Indeed there was two scene 2s... funny, I made sure to check all the later scenes to make sure I didn't repeat any numbers. Ah well.
Oh, and -
"AfroJoe - Na, I'm cool with mutants... like this girl I picked up, she had three boobs! Great fun!"
See, you were in it!
Very good stuff indeed.
There were 2 Scene 2s, not that it matters too much. :-)
As I said above, very good stuff, and the only flaw was that I was nowhere to be seen.
*Cries* :-D
There were 2 Scene 2s, not that it matters too much. :-)
As I said above, very good stuff, and the only flaw was that I was nowhere to be seen.
*Cries* :-D
Thanks guys. Thanks to work and college, it's been a while since I've done a spoof. Glad you lot enjoyed it.
This was exceptionally good :-)
*Decides to follow the trend and quote something, it may not be exact though*
You damn Chewbacca Wannabe
Hey, that's mean
Ha, funny.
*Laughs*
You damn Chewbacca Wannabe
Hey, that's mean
Ha, funny.
*Laughs*
lol
"-Making Pornos?
-Only at the weekend."
Class.
"-Making Pornos?
-Only at the weekend."
Class.
Absolutely brilliant my man.
Excellent stuff, hilarious as hell.
Nice one.
The cop scene was good, and the ending was great.
Nice.
:-D
Excellent stuff, hilarious as hell.
Nice one.
The cop scene was good, and the ending was great.
Nice.
:-D
Page: