The "General Games Chat" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Ever wanted to be a plastic-faced superstar? No, me either, but here is a plan of what a Michael Jackson game would be like.
- MJ: The Game would be an adventure into the twisted world of the controversial pop artist. You would take control of the plastic faced mega-star in a series of quests and escapades that are true to his real life character and follow his actual career.
The first challenge in the game would be to start as a small black singer who tries to make it big. You will have to bash different buttons to reach all of the high notes until you are good enough to start it out in the solo world. Young MJ will develop new singing skills and get offers from different record labels, it will be up to you to choose the path of his early life and eventually make it big.
The next phase of the game will be the step into stardom, Thriller. It would be an endurance-based test where you have the track & field button-bash controls to hold onto trees and lampposts in the various scenes of the video where 90 mile an hour winds are trying to take your hair off. If your button bashing isn’t up to par then you will lose grip and be nothing more than a bloody smear on the studio wall. If you manage to survive the various shoots then you have made it into celebrity stardom and become recognised amongst the ranks of the most recognised superstars in the world.
At this point in the game you will take the big step and turn from super-cool black singer into plastic-faced pointy-nosed freak. You first have to track down a back street surgeon willing to undertake such a bizarre (and illegal) task. After hunting down a ‘doctor’ willing to perform the operation you must specify what you want done (i.e. short back and sides, oh and make me white and with a pointy nose!). After the operation is complete you have to face the world and make little children afraid of you. You can try to get back into the music circuit or opt for a mansion with a theme park called Never Land.
What does the man who can buy anything want? Something no amount of money can buy, kiddie love. You have to lure young children into your home (not too hard for a man with a theme park) then convince them to stay the night… in your bed. Different buttons would be different actions, for example (A) would grab the child and drag them to the bedroom, (B) would offer them ‘milk and cookies’ and (X) would bring out the pink furry handcuffs. As if this wasn’t tricky enough, you have to stop the parents of the children pressing charges when little Billy tells them what exactly you did to them. You can bribe the family and hope they wont tell the media or you can get Tony and the boys to ‘off ‘em for you’ and live in relative security.
Michael Jackson calls himself Peter Pan and states he won’t grow old (Well it is hard to tell age through 2 inches of solid plastic!). This phase of the game puts that statement to the test and sees if MJ can live up to traits associated with Peter Pan, namely flying, killing pirates and, erm, flying into children’s bedrooms with pixies in tow. The flying will take place over a few different race circuits where you will compete against such fan favourites as superman, Casper the friendly ghost and a Boeing 747. In order to progress you must beat your opponents over different circuits. Once you have done so you have to fight the evil pirates who are trying to take over Never Land, or as we call them in the real world, the social services. You can throw rocks, petrol bombs and cufflinks at them and shout threatening insults like, “Go away, I’m a nice guy” or “I just want to love kids”. If you manage to dispose of the ‘pirates’ you can go to MJ’s favourite part of the game, flying into kids bedrooms whilst they’re sleeping. You have to lumber up the side of the house using a pulley system, open their window and grab them, throw them in the back of a van and take them away to Never Land to help you fight the pirates. Once you have kidnapped an army of children from various houses, you have finished that segment of the game.
Next is the very testing and strategic part of the game. You have to be interviewed about your life and blatantly lie to the media. A ‘Who Wants To Be a Millionaire’ box will appear on your screen and every time a question is asked you will have to select which is the total lie. You can tell the world about sharing your bed with children and get branded a paedophile by half of the population of the world. You can then tell everyone you didn’t have plastic surgery on your skin, you just woke up and was white one day. This will make your public persona very bad and cause the social services to lock you away in a prison or asylum.
Once you are under the scrupulous eye of the law you must escape and re-start your pop career before it is too late. By the time you manage to escape or are set free, the world will have forgotten about you and you will have to begin from scratch. You will have to enter the elusive Pop Idol and attempt to impress an arthritic Simon Cowell amongst other judges. You may get into the pop music circuit once more or you may end up working in a dungaree’s warehouse near Surrey. The options are endless!
Michael Jackson: The Game will be hitting the shelves just as soon as Maxis stop producing those infernal Sims games! It will be priced at £35.99 except in GAME where it will be about £45.50 with a cracked cover and scratched disk.
Hope you enjoyed this and I am sorry if I offended anyone.
-kyz²²-
- MJ: The Game would be an adventure into the twisted world of the controversial pop artist. You would take control of the plastic faced mega-star in a series of quests and escapades that are true to his real life character and follow his actual career.
The first challenge in the game would be to start as a small black singer who tries to make it big. You will have to bash different buttons to reach all of the high notes until you are good enough to start it out in the solo world. Young MJ will develop new singing skills and get offers from different record labels, it will be up to you to choose the path of his early life and eventually make it big.
The next phase of the game will be the step into stardom, Thriller. It would be an endurance-based test where you have the track & field button-bash controls to hold onto trees and lampposts in the various scenes of the video where 90 mile an hour winds are trying to take your hair off. If your button bashing isn’t up to par then you will lose grip and be nothing more than a bloody smear on the studio wall. If you manage to survive the various shoots then you have made it into celebrity stardom and become recognised amongst the ranks of the most recognised superstars in the world.
At this point in the game you will take the big step and turn from super-cool black singer into plastic-faced pointy-nosed freak. You first have to track down a back street surgeon willing to undertake such a bizarre (and illegal) task. After hunting down a ‘doctor’ willing to perform the operation you must specify what you want done (i.e. short back and sides, oh and make me white and with a pointy nose!). After the operation is complete you have to face the world and make little children afraid of you. You can try to get back into the music circuit or opt for a mansion with a theme park called Never Land.
What does the man who can buy anything want? Something no amount of money can buy, kiddie love. You have to lure young children into your home (not too hard for a man with a theme park) then convince them to stay the night… in your bed. Different buttons would be different actions, for example (A) would grab the child and drag them to the bedroom, (B) would offer them ‘milk and cookies’ and (X) would bring out the pink furry handcuffs. As if this wasn’t tricky enough, you have to stop the parents of the children pressing charges when little Billy tells them what exactly you did to them. You can bribe the family and hope they wont tell the media or you can get Tony and the boys to ‘off ‘em for you’ and live in relative security.
Michael Jackson calls himself Peter Pan and states he won’t grow old (Well it is hard to tell age through 2 inches of solid plastic!). This phase of the game puts that statement to the test and sees if MJ can live up to traits associated with Peter Pan, namely flying, killing pirates and, erm, flying into children’s bedrooms with pixies in tow. The flying will take place over a few different race circuits where you will compete against such fan favourites as superman, Casper the friendly ghost and a Boeing 747. In order to progress you must beat your opponents over different circuits. Once you have done so you have to fight the evil pirates who are trying to take over Never Land, or as we call them in the real world, the social services. You can throw rocks, petrol bombs and cufflinks at them and shout threatening insults like, “Go away, I’m a nice guy” or “I just want to love kids”. If you manage to dispose of the ‘pirates’ you can go to MJ’s favourite part of the game, flying into kids bedrooms whilst they’re sleeping. You have to lumber up the side of the house using a pulley system, open their window and grab them, throw them in the back of a van and take them away to Never Land to help you fight the pirates. Once you have kidnapped an army of children from various houses, you have finished that segment of the game.
Next is the very testing and strategic part of the game. You have to be interviewed about your life and blatantly lie to the media. A ‘Who Wants To Be a Millionaire’ box will appear on your screen and every time a question is asked you will have to select which is the total lie. You can tell the world about sharing your bed with children and get branded a paedophile by half of the population of the world. You can then tell everyone you didn’t have plastic surgery on your skin, you just woke up and was white one day. This will make your public persona very bad and cause the social services to lock you away in a prison or asylum.
Once you are under the scrupulous eye of the law you must escape and re-start your pop career before it is too late. By the time you manage to escape or are set free, the world will have forgotten about you and you will have to begin from scratch. You will have to enter the elusive Pop Idol and attempt to impress an arthritic Simon Cowell amongst other judges. You may get into the pop music circuit once more or you may end up working in a dungaree’s warehouse near Surrey. The options are endless!
Michael Jackson: The Game will be hitting the shelves just as soon as Maxis stop producing those infernal Sims games! It will be priced at £35.99 except in GAME where it will be about £45.50 with a cracked cover and scratched disk.
Hope you enjoyed this and I am sorry if I offended anyone.
-kyz²²-
Page:
Dark Mark™ wrote:
> And does anyone remember Michael Jackson Moonwalker? Boy, that was
> dodgy.
I knew I saw somone mention that game on here before. I've got that game, it's not dodgy, it's good.
:)
> And does anyone remember Michael Jackson Moonwalker? Boy, that was
> dodgy.
I knew I saw somone mention that game on here before. I've got that game, it's not dodgy, it's good.
:)
with £15 trade-in for eternal darkness, its personal!
What does everyone have against GAME? Is it because it's a big corporate monster that puts all the littler businesses out of business? Or is it personal?
Hmm.
Heh.
Stop with the attempts!
:D
Anyhoo.
*runs away*
Heh.
Stop with the attempts!
:D
Anyhoo.
*runs away*
Heh good post Kyle
While on the subject of MJ, here is a link someone forwarded to me.
http://www.kicken.com/funnyfiles/WackoJacko.swf
Just copy and paste bla bla..............
http://www.kicken.com/funnyfiles/WackoJacko.swf
Just copy and paste bla bla..............
In the megadrive, you could kill the evil bad guys by doing a special dance move. The bad guys would join in dancing, to a synthesized Jackson song, then they would explode. I felt so sorry for them, they just wanted to dance.
I like how everyone only like my GAME jibe! pfft!
Original, but still a job well done.
*tries to moonwalk doing it superbly*
*tries to moonwalk doing it superbly*
"It will be priced at £35.99 except in GAME where it will be £45.50"
Ha, ha. Good stuff.
Nice post, it's like one of those Mario Party games with all the different style games/tasks.
Ha, ha. Good stuff.
Nice post, it's like one of those Mario Party games with all the different style games/tasks.
Page: