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Voice: Hello, and welcome to bliiiiiiiiiii iinnnndddd daaattttttee! And here is your host: Miss Snuggly... uh.. Black!
*Crowd cheers, before throwing bottles at Snuggly*
Snuggly: ‘ello, you little punks. Listen up because ah’m gonna say this once, and once only... you understand!?! Right...
Off-screen man who isn’t of any real value to the post: Psst.. drugged up scouser routine.
Snuggly: Oh, yes, chuck. So now, onto our show. First up, we meet three losers who have come on this show to find happiness. So, come in the boys.
*Music plays*
*Three men walk out, doing crap dances. One man does Disco Fever, one man does the Worm and the other man falls over and knocks his stool over.*
Snuggly: Okay, loser number one, what’s your name and where do you come from?
SHEEPY: Hello, my name is Sheepy, but most people call me the ‘sex god of Scotland’. I’m from Scotland...
Snuggly: ..obviously...
Sheepy: ...which is, in my view, the centre of the universe!
Snuggly: Tell me.. if you are the ‘sex-god’, why do you need to come on to Blind Date?
Sheepy: Uh... my sex-god powers only come into full effect when.. uh.. I’m with a really nice girl...
Snuggly: Who happens to be charging you?
Sheepy: No, the girl has to be, uh... special.
Snuggly: So you come on a show for deadbeats who can’t find a partner?
Sheepy: Precisely.
Snuggly: Number Two, who are you and where do you come from?
Goatboy: I’m Goatboy, I come from near Sawbridgeworth, and I’m only here for a dare!
Snuggly: Heard that one before, chump. Number three?
*Wookiee pats himself on the knees, smiles and burst out*
Wookiee: I havent’ had free sex in FOUR YEARS!!
Snuggly: O..kay.
Wookiee: Will you have free sex with me? Please? PLEASE???!!??
Snuggly: No.. anyway, these losers are going to contend to go on a date with the beautiful.. the sexy.. Grix!
*Grix walks in dressed as a woman*
Grix: *deep voice* Hello, woo.. *girly voice* Hello Cilla..
Snuggly: Do you have a beard?
*Grix goes red*
Grix: Uh.. no, this is, uh, oh, the people backstage say we are wasting time...
Snuggly: Well, get on with your questions then.
Grix: One of my favourite things is poetry. Writing it, reading it, it’s all the same. Make up a short poem to woo me with.
Sheepy: Well, lass, ah can fooly recommend that you choose me. Poetry? We scots don’t need poetry! All ye need ta survoive in the Scottish wilderness is a pen-knife and a 2 barrel shotgun.. *deep breaths*
Goatboy: Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Honey is Sweet, but Bush is a retard.
Wookiee: I want.. seeeexxxxx!.. Sex sex, seeeexxxxxx! Give me sex! No regrets! Ah-wooo!
Grix: O..kay. You all sound very nice.
Wookiee: WOOO-HOOOOO!
Grix: Question Two: If you were having sex with a woman but you found out halfway through that it was a man, what would you do?
Sheepy: Poke him with ma pen-knoife, shoot him with ma Shotgun and eat his heart!! ARRRR!!!
Goatboy: Discuss politics with him, man to man.
Wookiee: Sex is sex, baby! Who cares, man or woman, or even animal, it’s all good!!!
Grix: Uh.. well, thanks, guys...
Snuggly: Well, you have to make the heart-breaking decision now.. who’s going to be voted off first? Is it violent, Scottish Number One? Political, sensible Number Two? Or mad, sex craving Number Three?
Wookiee: Woo-woo-woo!
Grix: Number..Three.
Wookiee: Woo-wo.. awww...
Snuggly: Come in, Number Three.
*Wookiee runs through, tearing all his clothes off. He runs past Grix, and right before he disappears off stage, he is stark naked. His clothes litter the floor.*
Grix: Ewww...
Snuggly: Mmm... er.. ewwww... yeah, ewwwwww!
Grix: Final question: Sing me a song.
Snuggly: That’s not a question, you punk.
Sheepy: Well.... in... Scotland they shoot the cats. In Scotland they shoot the cats! They shoot ‘em and kick ‘em and cook ‘em and eat ‘em, in Scotland they shoot the cats! Whooo!
Goatboy: Life is only... only a grave.
Grix: Moving. Anyway...
Snuggly: Who are you going to pick for your date?
Grix: Number.... Two.
Sheepy: Aww, no. Grandpa said if ah dinnae get me a woman, he’ll drown me in the bath.
Goatboy: I’m not really excited. But, I won! Yeah! Woo...
*Goatboy goes through to see Grix*
Snuggly: Well, Grix, did you make the right choice?
Grix: Absolutely.
Snuggly: Who’s going to choose where you go on your Blind Date?
Goatboy: Me.
*Goatboy picks*
Goatboy: A date to.. Egham??
Snuggly: give it ‘ere, luv. Yes, you’ll enjoy all the sights and sounds of Egham. The seedy bars, the gangland killings and the nightly skinny dipping in the artificial pond outside the Special Reserve shop.
Grix: Great...
Goatboy: Great....
Snuggly: Well, join us after the break, as these three lucky girls fight for our lovely man! See ya in a mo..
*Snuggly pulls out a Cigar*
Snuggly: You know, it’s really annoying, when you just have to scratch that area, but you know you can’t.. what.. we eliminated advert breaks? We’re still on TV? Damn you!
Anyway, bring out the girls!
*Three women all walk normally to their stools*
Snuggly: Okay, introduce yourselves girls!
Mystique: I’m Myst, from Nottingham, and I chain men up in my basement!
Rosalind: I’m Ros, and I seek the simple pleasures in life. Like bungee-jumping.
Schroeder: i’m schroeder, and I find everything really cute. Oh.. cute camera.. hehe.
Snuggly: Those lucky ladies will fight it out with knives, pitchforks and spoons to see who gets this man! Oh.. wait. Sorry. Apparently, we’re not allowed to make this show watchable, so back to the normal routine, and bring out the man!
*Saturday Night Fever music cues*
Ant: Hello.
Snuggly: Aren’t you a tad young for our ladies.
Ant: What I lack in size, I make up for in.. wait, can I rephrase that?
Snuggly: ... No. So, your first question.
Ant: If you were seen out on the town with me and someone shouted “Paedo!” at you, what would you do?
Mystique: Grab ye pitchforks and run! Surfer dude, man, yeah!
Rosalind: I’d tell him to run home to his mother.
schroeder: I’d tell him he was cute.
Ant: R..ight. Question Two: I like many things in life. Milk, honey and big sweaty hairy muscle men climbing all over each other. What do you like doing?
Mystique: Rolling pigs up in carpets and throwing them off bridges.
Ant: Do you, perchance, like The Simpsons?
Mystique: Shut up.
Rosalind: I like lots of things.
schroeder: I like cute things. Like birds. Lots of birds.
Ant: Right, well, you don’t even have to ask, Snuggers.
Snuggly: Never call me that again, punk.
Ant: I want to get rid of Number Two.
Rosalind: !@*&$£
*Ros storms out*
Ant: Final question: If you were to perform a wrestling move on me, which would it be?
Mystique: Erm.. a pin?
Ant: Purrrr! Ahem. No. 3?
schroeder: erm... a.. uh.. the cutest one.
Ant: Wrestling isn’t cute. It’s for big, strong skilled professionals.
*Audience laugh*
Ant: Well, that bad answer means I pick number One for my date.
Myst: Woo!
schro: That’s just soooo un-cute.
*Myst walks over to meet Ant. Ant is very pleased. Mystique wonders where the rest of her date is.*
Snuggly: Who’s going to pick where you go on your Blind Date?
Mystique: Me.
*She picks*
Mystique: A date to.. Wales!?! That’s bloody stupid. First you give me a dwarf to go on a date with, and then you send me to Wales? I.. I can’t take much more of this!
*Myst storms out*
Snuggly: Tough break, Ant. Well, Ant doesn’t get his date, but tune in next time to find out how Goatboy and Grix enjoy Egham. Ta-ra for now!
*End credits*
*Crowd cheers, before throwing bottles at Snuggly*
Snuggly: ‘ello, you little punks. Listen up because ah’m gonna say this once, and once only... you understand!?! Right...
Off-screen man who isn’t of any real value to the post: Psst.. drugged up scouser routine.
Snuggly: Oh, yes, chuck. So now, onto our show. First up, we meet three losers who have come on this show to find happiness. So, come in the boys.
*Music plays*
*Three men walk out, doing crap dances. One man does Disco Fever, one man does the Worm and the other man falls over and knocks his stool over.*
Snuggly: Okay, loser number one, what’s your name and where do you come from?
SHEEPY: Hello, my name is Sheepy, but most people call me the ‘sex god of Scotland’. I’m from Scotland...
Snuggly: ..obviously...
Sheepy: ...which is, in my view, the centre of the universe!
Snuggly: Tell me.. if you are the ‘sex-god’, why do you need to come on to Blind Date?
Sheepy: Uh... my sex-god powers only come into full effect when.. uh.. I’m with a really nice girl...
Snuggly: Who happens to be charging you?
Sheepy: No, the girl has to be, uh... special.
Snuggly: So you come on a show for deadbeats who can’t find a partner?
Sheepy: Precisely.
Snuggly: Number Two, who are you and where do you come from?
Goatboy: I’m Goatboy, I come from near Sawbridgeworth, and I’m only here for a dare!
Snuggly: Heard that one before, chump. Number three?
*Wookiee pats himself on the knees, smiles and burst out*
Wookiee: I havent’ had free sex in FOUR YEARS!!
Snuggly: O..kay.
Wookiee: Will you have free sex with me? Please? PLEASE???!!??
Snuggly: No.. anyway, these losers are going to contend to go on a date with the beautiful.. the sexy.. Grix!
*Grix walks in dressed as a woman*
Grix: *deep voice* Hello, woo.. *girly voice* Hello Cilla..
Snuggly: Do you have a beard?
*Grix goes red*
Grix: Uh.. no, this is, uh, oh, the people backstage say we are wasting time...
Snuggly: Well, get on with your questions then.
Grix: One of my favourite things is poetry. Writing it, reading it, it’s all the same. Make up a short poem to woo me with.
Sheepy: Well, lass, ah can fooly recommend that you choose me. Poetry? We scots don’t need poetry! All ye need ta survoive in the Scottish wilderness is a pen-knife and a 2 barrel shotgun.. *deep breaths*
Goatboy: Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Honey is Sweet, but Bush is a retard.
Wookiee: I want.. seeeexxxxx!.. Sex sex, seeeexxxxxx! Give me sex! No regrets! Ah-wooo!
Grix: O..kay. You all sound very nice.
Wookiee: WOOO-HOOOOO!
Grix: Question Two: If you were having sex with a woman but you found out halfway through that it was a man, what would you do?
Sheepy: Poke him with ma pen-knoife, shoot him with ma Shotgun and eat his heart!! ARRRR!!!
Goatboy: Discuss politics with him, man to man.
Wookiee: Sex is sex, baby! Who cares, man or woman, or even animal, it’s all good!!!
Grix: Uh.. well, thanks, guys...
Snuggly: Well, you have to make the heart-breaking decision now.. who’s going to be voted off first? Is it violent, Scottish Number One? Political, sensible Number Two? Or mad, sex craving Number Three?
Wookiee: Woo-woo-woo!
Grix: Number..Three.
Wookiee: Woo-wo.. awww...
Snuggly: Come in, Number Three.
*Wookiee runs through, tearing all his clothes off. He runs past Grix, and right before he disappears off stage, he is stark naked. His clothes litter the floor.*
Grix: Ewww...
Snuggly: Mmm... er.. ewwww... yeah, ewwwwww!
Grix: Final question: Sing me a song.
Snuggly: That’s not a question, you punk.
Sheepy: Well.... in... Scotland they shoot the cats. In Scotland they shoot the cats! They shoot ‘em and kick ‘em and cook ‘em and eat ‘em, in Scotland they shoot the cats! Whooo!
Goatboy: Life is only... only a grave.
Grix: Moving. Anyway...
Snuggly: Who are you going to pick for your date?
Grix: Number.... Two.
Sheepy: Aww, no. Grandpa said if ah dinnae get me a woman, he’ll drown me in the bath.
Goatboy: I’m not really excited. But, I won! Yeah! Woo...
*Goatboy goes through to see Grix*
Snuggly: Well, Grix, did you make the right choice?
Grix: Absolutely.
Snuggly: Who’s going to choose where you go on your Blind Date?
Goatboy: Me.
*Goatboy picks*
Goatboy: A date to.. Egham??
Snuggly: give it ‘ere, luv. Yes, you’ll enjoy all the sights and sounds of Egham. The seedy bars, the gangland killings and the nightly skinny dipping in the artificial pond outside the Special Reserve shop.
Grix: Great...
Goatboy: Great....
Snuggly: Well, join us after the break, as these three lucky girls fight for our lovely man! See ya in a mo..
*Snuggly pulls out a Cigar*
Snuggly: You know, it’s really annoying, when you just have to scratch that area, but you know you can’t.. what.. we eliminated advert breaks? We’re still on TV? Damn you!
Anyway, bring out the girls!
*Three women all walk normally to their stools*
Snuggly: Okay, introduce yourselves girls!
Mystique: I’m Myst, from Nottingham, and I chain men up in my basement!
Rosalind: I’m Ros, and I seek the simple pleasures in life. Like bungee-jumping.
Schroeder: i’m schroeder, and I find everything really cute. Oh.. cute camera.. hehe.
Snuggly: Those lucky ladies will fight it out with knives, pitchforks and spoons to see who gets this man! Oh.. wait. Sorry. Apparently, we’re not allowed to make this show watchable, so back to the normal routine, and bring out the man!
*Saturday Night Fever music cues*
Ant: Hello.
Snuggly: Aren’t you a tad young for our ladies.
Ant: What I lack in size, I make up for in.. wait, can I rephrase that?
Snuggly: ... No. So, your first question.
Ant: If you were seen out on the town with me and someone shouted “Paedo!” at you, what would you do?
Mystique: Grab ye pitchforks and run! Surfer dude, man, yeah!
Rosalind: I’d tell him to run home to his mother.
schroeder: I’d tell him he was cute.
Ant: R..ight. Question Two: I like many things in life. Milk, honey and big sweaty hairy muscle men climbing all over each other. What do you like doing?
Mystique: Rolling pigs up in carpets and throwing them off bridges.
Ant: Do you, perchance, like The Simpsons?
Mystique: Shut up.
Rosalind: I like lots of things.
schroeder: I like cute things. Like birds. Lots of birds.
Ant: Right, well, you don’t even have to ask, Snuggers.
Snuggly: Never call me that again, punk.
Ant: I want to get rid of Number Two.
Rosalind: !@*&$£
*Ros storms out*
Ant: Final question: If you were to perform a wrestling move on me, which would it be?
Mystique: Erm.. a pin?
Ant: Purrrr! Ahem. No. 3?
schroeder: erm... a.. uh.. the cutest one.
Ant: Wrestling isn’t cute. It’s for big, strong skilled professionals.
*Audience laugh*
Ant: Well, that bad answer means I pick number One for my date.
Myst: Woo!
schro: That’s just soooo un-cute.
*Myst walks over to meet Ant. Ant is very pleased. Mystique wonders where the rest of her date is.*
Snuggly: Who’s going to pick where you go on your Blind Date?
Mystique: Me.
*She picks*
Mystique: A date to.. Wales!?! That’s bloody stupid. First you give me a dwarf to go on a date with, and then you send me to Wales? I.. I can’t take much more of this!
*Myst storms out*
Snuggly: Tough break, Ant. Well, Ant doesn’t get his date, but tune in next time to find out how Goatboy and Grix enjoy Egham. Ta-ra for now!
*End credits*
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Ow, my nipple.
how about SR deathmatch :D
*SK grabs the rocketlauncher and blasts Asher D to pieces*
you have been fragged boy!
*SK grabs the rocketlauncher and blasts Asher D to pieces*
you have been fragged boy!
Good
Ant wrote:
> Awwww...Myst, come back to me, please!! I'll grow a bit more, I
> promise!!!!
>
> And I have 6 legs...imagine the fun that could be had.
*****
Had you said hands instead of legs then I would have been convinced. Ah well. Onto the next.
> Awwww...Myst, come back to me, please!! I'll grow a bit more, I
> promise!!!!
>
> And I have 6 legs...imagine the fun that could be had.
*****
Had you said hands instead of legs then I would have been convinced. Ah well. Onto the next.
The thing that most impresses me is you managed to find 3 girls to put in a spoof!
Heh. Fool, you should've gone for schroeder.
Notable Weakest link! I did that!
Me!
I did that!
Woahh!
*Cough*
Nice funny post. Thumbs up.
Me!
I did that!
Woahh!
*Cough*
Nice funny post. Thumbs up.
Awwww...Myst, come back to me, please!! I'll grow a bit more, I promise!!!!
And I have 6 legs...imagine the fun that could be had.
And I have 6 legs...imagine the fun that could be had.
Already been done my friend.
the perfect idea A notable/regular Weekest link
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